Growing up watching Aaron, who he used to be and how difficult his life has been, it was difficult to think he’d want or enjoy being a husband and being married. He was always so dismissive of the idea and obviously we all knew why - his internalised homophobia, his lack of belief in love, the hurt he’d experienced before, seeing his family being terrible at love…
But when he found Robert, it was like that was it. Robert was his person despite all the crap they did to each other. He realised he could fall in love and pretty quickly too but I still didn’t really think he’d ever want to be someone’s husband
Then watching them properly and reasonably stably fall in love and gradually develop into sharing this insane connection and love for each other, making them both better people and so much happier than we’ve ever seen them… well, that changed him and I couldn’t believe that HE clearly was thinking about marriage before Robert!
Then we had the engagement and I still sometimes thought it’d be weird seeing Aaron Dingle as a husband until we started to see him talk about he wedding and his excitement over Vegas. He was clearly keen - they both were - but there was this part of him you could start to see that needed that clarity and commitment.
Then this week happened. At no point did Aaron saying the word “husband” feel weird and it was because the enormous smile is caused every single time, even today during what is possibly one of the hardest days of his life. You can see he cherishes that commitment and the promise they have with each other. It obviously brings him a lot of comfort and happiness and that’s why it hurts so badly.
Aaron never ever felt like someone who would wish for a husband or be into all of that but you can see how much of his actual desires he buried all these years. It took meeting the person he found that connection with to turn it all into something so significant, so comforting and so important to him that the mere presence of his wedding ring and the word ‘husband’ calms him and makes him so happy.
That’s why this all hurts so much because never has Aaron ever EVER seemed more settled and comfortable and at ease with himself.
Oswald calling Ed by his last name gave me feelings.
“Ed” is safety an warmth, the first person who really cared about him since his parents died. He’s warm embraces by the fireplace, silly riddles over breakfast, and laughter at the piano. Ed believed in him, when he couldn’t believe in himself.
“Nygma” is cold, and cruel, even to Oswald. He’s silently plotting behind Oswald’s back. He’s a gunshot ripping through his gut and stinking river water. Nygma is the icy sting of betrayal and the acrid burn of rejection.
And if Oswald thinks of them as the same person, he won’t be able to plot his revenge. Just like when he sees him face to face, he won’t be able to pull the trigger.
anyways today i can’t stop thinking about the fact that his relationship with aaron is the first time in his life robert has been completely, utterly and honestly himself in a relationship and it’s making me Hella Emotional.
because like, while it’s clear robert never denied his attraction to men (largely his sexual attraction if canon is anything to go by) he denied the part of himself that was romantically attracted to men for most of his life, until aaron, and we’ve seen him become more sure of himself in his sexuality since the affair and now robert has a label that he feels comfortable with and he’s out and he’s trying to be prouder and he’s the outwardly bisexual man he probably told himself he never would be.
but more than that, aaron knows the worst parts of him and still chooses to love him, and want to be with him, and we’ve seen it make robert want to be a better man. you just *know* he holds on to what andy said about aaron making him a better man for dear life, and he definitely ties his self worth to his relationship with and love for aaron, because robert believes it’s what makes him the kind of good he thinks he’s never been in his life.
so can you imagine how terrified robert is to lose that? his whole life, who he is, is wrapped up in aaron, and loving aaron, and he probably doesn’t believe he’ll be worth a damn without him. robert probably lies awake and wonders when aaron is going to leave him and wonders how he’ll cope without the one person in his life who’s pushed him to want to be more, and better.