waiting to see the psych team before going home today. the thing about being suicidal when you have bpd is no one takes you seriously. they’ll see how serious it is when it happens. anyhoo I’m on day 3.5 of eating nothing and just drinking Diet Coke, I feel fine. but that could be all the pain meds. I’ve definitely started ketosis though. the terrifying thing is that I’ll have to eat when my boyfriend comes over Friday and I really don’t want to but if I don’t then he’ll worry more. so surely I can still lose enough weight if i eat only on the days im with him which is usually 2-3 and then the rest of the week eat nothing. surely that’d work? idk I’m not in a good place right now. kinda feels like I keep reaching out and keep getting ignored yet other people who are struggling get so much support. just reinforces that my life is worthless and my existence is pointless.
I grabbed some coca colas from the unrefrigerated stash to refrigerate and i also wanted to drink a coke, and i was ready to drink a room temperatured coke like an animal, BUT when i opened the fridge there was miraculously one cold coke sittin in there waitin to be drinked. That made me really happy and im currently drinking a cold coke. [Oh also it's Bammie's birthday so that also made me happy today]