i eat mice

anonymous asked:

Santi.... You cute patoot how are you today? Did you see anything cool? I hope you're alright and get to have some hella good food! BTW, please tell us all a joke I love u bbkins

“aww shucks, im doing pretty good today. i actually remembered to eat (not a chili burger) and i finally made it out of texas, so thats something. i stopped in new orleans for today so thats cool. i didnt get to check it out much on my way to mexico. lots of cockroaches and mice and cool architecture. did you know you can just drink alcohol out in broad daylight here? i cant partake because my liver hates me, but god i wish that were me. im about to get some hella good beignets. i heard theyre bangin.

what do you get when you cross a t-rex and a chicken?

nothing but death.

(dont ask, fiona told me that one.)

ily2”

Eyeless Jack owns at least two cockatiels, and a conure, and nobody can convince me otherwise. He’s a bird-lover.

My Tryout for NBC News

I was approached by someone in the White House Pressroom the other day about auditioning for a new news show that NBC wants to air soon, since they want to ride the Trump train of controversy for higher ratings.  So I went down to their local studio where they did my makeup, parked me in this swivel chair, and started barking directions at me.  

At first it was easy ’(look left, appear skeptical, make a little frown…).  Then the studio went silent as we heard a door close and a pair of heels striding confidently through the shadows towards the set.  There, right before my eyes stood Megyn Kelly, the grand dame of aggressive political t.v. journalism.  She looked at a list and peeked up in a distant way, saying ‘O.K. Monica, show us what you’ve got.’  

It was thrilling but unnerving at the same time for me to audition before Megyn.  She was quick and relentless with her orders.   “Now, bat your eyelashes.  I said BAT 'em – don’t just flick them!   Geez – can someone get this girl some proper mascara!’   And so it went on for 5 minutes that felt like 5 hours.  Finally she said calmly 'O.K. – we’re done Monica.  Let’s take five people, but get the next one in the chair and ready!!’  

I tried to slink away unnoticed, but felt a confident hand on my shoulder.  Megyn turned me around, put both her hands on my shoulders and gave me that big sister look.  'Kid – you did your best, but you’re just not ready for prime time yet.  Don’t give up though – get some more experience.  Keep your figure too – stay away from cooked foods.  In fact, I eat nothing but live mice and wild grasses.  But you’ve got to get a little meaner to make it in this business.  Try kicking a few guys in the crotch and see if that feels right to you.  You’ll know when you’re ready.’

With that advice, I eased out the back door.  Walking down the long hallway, I could hear Megyn’s voice berating the next candidate.  'Give me a look of REAL disgust – not just minor annoyance!’  

I’m just some punk rock kid

Rules: answer these questions, and tag 20 followers that you would like to get to know better. tagged by @thetimetravelingdetective and @amagurith (Thank you both for tagging me!)

Name: Katie
Nickname: Ren
Zodiac sign: Cancer
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw
Height: 5'3 I think?
Orientation: It’s a mystery.
Ethnicity: British.
Favourite Fruit: Strawberry
Favourite Season: Autumn. I love Winter but snow gets very old very fast.
Favourite Book Series: Oh man I love anything by Terry Pratchett.
Favourite Fictional Characters: Starscream, Knock Out, Bumblebee (that’s a given, since I RP them, haha). Basically every other Transformer ever. Rincewind and Death from Discworld, I also <3 Papyrus from Undertale. 
Favourite Flower: Tulips, I also like daisies. 
Favourite Scents: Coffee, Baking Bread, Most Incense, Chai Tea, Lemon!
Favourite Colour: I like purples and blues!
Favourite Animal: Ravens and crows! Or wolves. I’m so edgy, ahha. I also like cats. :3 
Favourite artist/band: Dream Theater always has a special place in my heart, but I don’t really have a favorite band. I listen to so much different stuff that I can’t really pick just one haha. 
Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa?: All three! 
Average sleep hours: Not enough, haha. 
Number of blankets I sleep with: There are three on the bed but I usually sleep under one or two with a fan pointed at me. 
Dream trip: I have no idea, haha. Visiting a museum, book store and then getting a burger or something sounds pretty great. There isn’t anywhere that I really want to visit. 
Last thing you googled: “What do baby cornsnakes eat” because my friend didn’t believe me when I said they eat mice and I started doubting everything I ever knew.
Blog Created: July 15 2013. On my birthday! 
How many blogs do I follow: 740 but a lot are inactive. I need to sort through them. 
Number of followers: On this blog I have 302. My other has 475 or thereabouts.
What do I usually post about: Transformers and a lot of random stuff that’s amusing to me. 
Do I get asks regularly: Not on this blog!  

Oh boy tagging 20 people, okay… Don’t have to do it if you don’t want, but I tag - @bobbyis @tinfoil-balloon @unstable-voidfiend @treasuregargoyle @destinyeclipsed @asxa00 @rhania @maniachaywire @tae-kwon-doit @notdavidbowie @3squirrels @satteredhunter @poiplemonsta @derogative @empty-knight @that-twenty-something @discipleofhethiss and uh.. ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS. 

anonymous asked:

Fun to eat bark! Really like woofing it down. Arfterwoods, I like to lie down and roll rover. Although, lately I've been thinking about branching out. Sorry, I'm Maltese-ing you: I eat mice.

Have you even eaten mushrooms? I despise them and also cannot consume them or I risk death. Did you know I saw the cricket yesterday? She spoke of you

fizzielilian  asked:

“Do I look like I’m small enough to still be eating mice? I’m not pest control. I literally eat Capybara and other large animals.”

“I can tell… Why don’t you lay off the capybaras for a while? I heard they’re awful for you.”

anonymous asked:

An AU where Blake is a household cat and Ruby is a mouse that has very recently made Blake's house her new home. Naturally it's a bit of cat and mouse until Blake gets caught by some kind of trap and Ruby immediately helps out. Thus it begins.

[[I see your cat and mouse pun -u- ]]

I don’t know how or why this got so long but wow okay here you go??? 

Enjoy this LIGHT NOVEL.

——

It was just another night in Blake’s home. She’d curled up at the foot of her humans’ bed to sleep, warm and content between their feet.

But something was calling to her, not with audible sound, but loudly enough to have her instincts kicking into high gear. She could hear the scuttling of tiny claws across the wooden floor all the way from the kitchen.

Instantly she was up, leaping off the bed and creeping toward the hallway, keeping light on the pads of her paws. She peered around the corner into the kitchen, golden eyes flashing in the darkness.

It didn’t take her long to locate the source of the noise. Up on the counter, something small was moving…

She could distinguish two round ears, a tiny body, a long tail, and a twitching nose.

Not in her house.

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