I find the concept of growing in love so much prettier than love at first sight?? like one day you look at someone and you suddenly realize you see them in a different light than you did the night before. that’s falling.
Okay, one last thing before I have to jet for a bit. It would be wrong not to share this.
So last night I had a dream that there was some sort of VIP Meet and Greet for Markiplier. I don’t know why this was the case, because everyone was there for a Smash Mouth concert, but you couldn’t meet Smash Mouth. Just Mark.
Anyway, I went to go meet Mark, right, and I was in this long line because people were stopping to talk to him, which is cool. So finally it was my turn, and I assumed he’d talk with me since he talked to everyone else, right? So I decided to tell him about Max.
I was hugging him for the picture, and I said, “I have a story to tell you about a very good dog.”
And he was like, “Listen, lady, the only dog I care about is Chica. Your dog is probably stupid as Hell. F**k off.”
And then I STABBED HIM IN THE KIDNEY.
Like, I don’t know where the knife came from. I didn’t grab it from anywhere. I just suddenly had a knife, and I stabbed him in the kidney.
And all this security was there, but none of them actually did anything, because they thought it was pretty rude to say my dog was probably stupid. So now I’m standing there with this knife, and Markiplier’s clutching his side and bleeding, and he goes, “You’re right, that was uncalled for. Do you want some strawberries?”
So we go up the stairs and somehow we’re in my kitchen, and he goes to the fridge and takes out a box of strawberries and a can of whip cream, and makes us both bowls where he puts like three strawberries in the bottom and covers the entire bowl in whip cream. This must have been an infinite can, by the way, because I’m talking all over the inside and outside of the bowl and then on the table, just delicious dessert topping everywhere.
Also, he’s totally still bleeding everywhere, but acting totally fine, and hey, where did the knife go? Who knows.
Anyway, so I explain to him the whole situation with Max. About how he was a very good boy, and he loved Mark’s voice, and how Mark’s community helped pay for his cremation.
So now Mark’s feeling pretty bad about saying Max was stupid, and he looks like he’s about to apologize, but we hear a loud thumping noise on the stairs and suddenly Ina Garten bursts into the room, points at me, and yells, “LIAR!”
“Is that the Barefoot Contessa?” Mark asks.
“The Barefoot Contessa of JUSTICE.” Ina Garten says, and she’s wearing a cape now, and also we are now all standing on an island. “This hoe is LYING. She spent that money on all nine seasons of Gilmore Girls on DVD.”
So then I had to take Ina Garten and Markiplier to my house and dig out my Gilmore Girls box set and point out the sticker on the bottom to prove that I bought it years ago. Anyway, Ina Garten was just starting to yell at Mark for bleeding on the fifth season when I woke up.