im so angry i hate having this shit disorder i dont wanna have fucking fps and i dont wanna have emotional impermanence and i dont wanna have abandonment issues and i dont wanna split and i dont want it i cant handle this anymore
The reflection of her eyes on his blade dried his throat. As he struggled to find the words - to fight? Are you sure? - Rosaline watched him, drawing closer, only his sword between them.
Benvolio found his voice between deep breaths. “If you are certain.”
But of course, as she nodded and grinned, her smile’s reflection even brighter, she was. He had no reason to deny her request - Rosaline was his friend, and he wished to protect her, but he understood she also had a grave need to protect herself. So, if he must teach her to ensure her safety - then, he would.
“Shall we begin?” she asks, startling him, for her face was eager and excited. Benvolio shook his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Today?” He tugged his sword gently out of her hands. “Unfortunately, we need to get you a blade of your own, first.” He sheathed his weapon, reveling in the sound of metal safely tucked away. “But after that - “
His voice drowned in her dark curls, his nose too busy breathing in her scent to breathe anything else. She was small and warm in his arms, but mostly she fit perfectly, and he embraced her tighter. “Thank you,” she whispered into his chest. It tickled his skin, despite the layers, and Benvolio forced himself to separate just slightly.
To separate just enough to smile at her. “For you? Of course.”
He observes Tetsurou’s dark circles when he comes home from work every night, in turn kissing them all, a silent “i’m glad to be home”. Tetsurou never complains, though. He loves teaching little kids about chemistry and physics and the secrets of the universe. But Kenma knows he likes it best when he’s wearing a pair of ratty old sweats, eating popcorn and laughing at really bad movies with the rest of them. And he always brings back leftover candy from school.
He observes Keiji’s mouth, a slight droop of lips indicating his discomfort at having to work overtime at the hospital. Keiji never complains, though. He loves helping people. But Kenma knows he likes it best when he’s at home, absorbed in a good book, his head on one of their laps, enjoying one of the quieter moments with the rest of them. And he always brings back flowers that remind him of them.
He observes Koutarou from a distance, a star shining almost too bright to look at directly. But he sees the sagging of his shoulders, an indication of self doubt and dejection. Koutarou doesn’t complain about it, though. He loves playing volleyball and he knows his students look up to their coach, a figure of strength and resilience. But Kenma knows that no matter how spirited Koutarou might appear to his students, he likes it best when he is sitting under the blankets with the rest of them, late at night, talking about the latest ghost story he’s heard from his students, an act that always always leads to cuddling. And he always hugs them all so hard, lifting them off their feet and planting a kiss with a plop on their cheeks.
Where does Kenma find himself in this equation? How does he show his love, when he can’t even say the words “i love you”? Maybe he doesn’t have to.
The trailer door behind the two silent teens slammed almost comically loud, the sound echoing off the bare walls. Betty sat stoic on the rug, her pencil crushed in her palm, wood splintering the soft skin of her hands. Jughead was on the couch above her, his hand coming out to lay hesitantly on her shoulder.
“Betts, she was just..”
It took a split second, just a breath of air and the beautiful blonde was scrambling to her feet, gathering her honey locks into a loose ponytail at the back of her head. Her ponytail was her armor and… well…it sure felt like a battle was about to begin.
“I’m going home, I’ll figure this out on my own.” Her voice was strong, not a quiver and not a shake. She could do this, just leave, cool down.
Jugheads eyes widened, reaching for her and wincing as she dodged his hands
“No, no..Hey come on, you don’t have to go,come on we can figure it out together, a code cracking party right?” A nervous smiled ticked on the dark haired boys lips.
“No.” Betty whispered, sharp green eyes snapping up to his “no. I do have to go.”
Jughead took a step back, the intensity, the anger in her eyes directed entirely at him
“Listen if this is about what Toni said, I told you she was just joking, her humor it’s like mine, it’s..”
A bitter laugh escaped Betty’s lips, eyes welling before she shook her head abruptly. No. No she wasn’t going to cry not this time.
“Call her Jug. I’m sure she’d be happy to tell you plenty of jokes, you guys can talk. That’s what you wanted right? You didn’t want to work on figuring this out with me anyway did you? It was supposed to be you and Toni? The letter that was sent addressed to me, your girlfriend by the black hood killer, you wanted to figure it out with her right?” The words fell from her tongue with such venom it surprised even herself. It most definitely surprised Jughead, his features twisting almost as if he were in pain.
“Betty, come on. You know that not true! I didn’t even think…”
Cutting him off once again, the blondes hands flung out, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“That’s exactly the problem Jughead, dont you get it? You don’t think about me, not anymore. And it’s fine I get it, you’re busy with the Serpents. But.. I needed you, you ignore my calls to hang out with.. her, you text me “sorry for the phone tag?” Someone is after me Jughead and I don’t expect you to protect me, but… I need.. I don’t know I need something. You lie to me but you talk to her.. and.. and.. she attacked me in here Jughead, I hate to be this way and I never wanted to feel this way but.. you’re choosing her over me and I… I can’t do this anymore.”
Wide sky blue eyes stared at the girl slowly making her way towards the door, hands clutching her school bag.
“What does that mean Betty? You can’t do this anymore? You’re leaving me? You can’t do that.” Shuffling through the stray papers Jughead reached the door gripping Betty’s face in his hands as her eyes fluttered and a soft sob fell from her lips “I love you Okay? I love you and I don’t want to lose you, you said it yourself, we can’t let this civil war win. Don’t let it win. Please” He was crying now, he could feel the tears on his cheeks, hear the crack in his voice.
After a moment Betty tilted her lips on Jugheads for just a split second before pulling Away, her hand on the door Knob.
“We need space. You figure your thing out and I’ll figure mine. I love you too Jughead so much but… We need time.”
He followed her to the front of his trailer, tears falling faster now
“How much time?” He croaked.
Standing in front of the white Mini Cooper sticking out like a thumb in the rusted trailer park, Betty sighed
“I don’t know. Not too much but.. not too little either.”
He couldn’t speak anymore his throat stuck dry.
Betty turned one final time
“Oh and jughead?”
He turned expectantly
“Tell Toni, if she has anything else to say to me I can give her my address. I’m not afraid of her and I’m not afraid of any of you.”