i dont want to survive

what they say: you’re using your mental illness as an excuse 

what they mean: i care more about the thing you couldn’t do than your mental health 

what they say: try yoga/a healthy diet/just being happy/etc. 

what they mean: i dont know what mental illnesses are or how they affect people 

what they say: youre overreacting 

what they mean: my microscopic brain cannot comprehend that people feel, think and act differently, especially when they have mental illnesses making them act/feel/think a certain way 

what they say: you just want attention 

what they mean: i dont understand that humans need attention and affection to survive, that wanting attention is nothing bad, and that just bc i noticed doesnt mean you actually wanted me to notice

I am irritated that from all of fallout 4 companions, X6 is the most vague and undefined and he otherwise is so interesting and the character has so much potential?

Like I want to know what X6 thinks about the Institute personally, I want to know if his love for the Institute is something he chose or something he was brain washed into??? I mean to ignore the fact that unlike any other faction, the Institute is almost irredeemably evil so a lot of people not only will miss X6 as a companion but will also not understand him and his ways because of how badly the Institute was written. 

But I feel like even in fanon X6 loses his agency because you can’t really tell if he is brainwashed into the Institute mindset or he willingly chose to be a courser? And in fact can a synth willingly choose to be a courser? I mean X6 refers to Gabriel as “it” but we don’t know how he was treated in the institute? Yeah coursers more or less have more freedom than other synths, but they also go through a lot of training so we don’t know how he was treated. He doesn’t consider himself as anything more than a machine (the way the Institute treats all synths) and yet he is very loyal. Is his loyalty coming from self hate and idolizing Father and the institute like he was taught, or is it coming from being forced to survive by learning to be emotionless and follow orders. 

Obviously as you gain his affinity, he starts showing emotions, humor, sass, loyalty and admiration towards the Sole Survivor, but it still remains unclear where he really stands. I wish they sort of cleared that out, the more you get to know him the more you find out if he was forced to be a courser, or he simply became one because he actually agrees with the institute - and can synths actually willingly and freely choose to agree with the institute since the pressure of getting “killed” always hangs above their heads if they show their sentience. And coursers get demonized by the Railroad too as if they willingly support the institute, even though there are runaway coursers that changed their minds. 

 X6 is actually wonderful, very intelligent and curious and overall he never feels like an emotionless machine at any point, but I just wish he was given more agency so we could see where he personally stands with the Institute the way the other three faction companions state their own personal feelings on the matter the higher your affinity is with them. 

Antidepressant questions

Does anyone else use the antidepressant Cymbalta/duloxotine?
Does anyone else suffer if you forget it?
I forgot my meds today (a bad habit I’ve picked up over the last month where i forget my meds at least once a week since I’ve been working 50hr weeks…) i took it 9 hours later than i normally do. In that time i have suffered dizziness/headspins (really weird sensation not quite one or the other but somewhere in between) and my face generally from my cheekbones down is tingly/numb. If i move my head too quickly it’s like the whole world moves with it. Some days the dizziness is worse, today not so bad. Today i also struggled with moderating my temperature i was either freezing or sweating sometimes both, but that may be me coming down with a cold.
I’m lucky that I’ve never been suicidal, no matter how dark my thoughts got, no matter how shit life seemed i never wanted to end my own life. I mean if it happened by accident i might not have fought to survive but i never and still dont want my life to end on my decision. I know that the comedown on ADs and especially cymbalta can be bad, and can bring out suicidal tendencies and thoughts so im lucky to have not yet faced this. I know the answer is don’t forget your meds, and trust me if i could I wouldn’t i just do some mornings. And i want to know if theres anything else people can recommend for the days im stuck at work with my face tingling and my head spinning.

Update: i spoke to a doctor and he said it just comes with the territory of ADs… said there wasn’t much to help me. Just don’t forget them. But it’s even getting to the point that i get the “zaps” even when i do take them if im a little bit later than the day before (sometimes less than an hour) but I don’t know if its because i have a cold and my body is run down or if its because im mentally struggling this month…

If there is someone who can read my mind right now, they would hear this:

“HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR. HOW DO I SURVIVE MY THIRD YEAR.” *repeated infinitely*

anonymous asked:

i love this group with all of my heart, but it has a serious clique problem (and yes i'm including myself into this as being guilty of it). the whole group is divided and ppl only talk to their love interest or best friends, and getting people to actually branch out and respond to others is like impossible. groups can't really survive like that and i dont want to see this place go down hill.

Hey there, love.

I agree with you and it’s something I’ve noticed as well. I think a few things need to be done in order to correct this. One is on the admins part. I think we’ve been a bit too lenient in regards to giving out strikes for bubble rping, and I do think that’s something we need to start taking more seriously - and we will. We always said from day one how we have the best members, and I truly and wholeheartedly stand by this with everything in me to this day. I know we’re all capable of branching out and creating connections that are amazing - I’ve already seen this be done on the dash!! The second part is asking you guys to help us out a little. Please, branch out and talk to everyone. It doesn’t matter if the person is in your friend group or not. Try. It’ll make /your/ experience better as well. And as we’ve stated before, don’t be afraid to reach out and directly ask for plots instead of being general in the ooc blog. If you see someone in the ooc blog ask for plots, before you make your own post - message them. I think we as the admin team need to monitor that as well, and if we feel that people are relying too heavily on the ooc blog, then we’ll talk about getting rid of it maybe? But that’s up for discussion. But we also don’t want to stifle you guys either and be that type of admin team that’s constantly down your throats. You guys are all adults here and we trust you. We want to be able to give you that creative freedom without us bombarding your every move, so please, don’t make us feel like we’re taking that away and just remember we’re a roleplay group. We always said this is your roleplay group and the admin team just keep it flowing, so please, branch out beyond your comfort zone. It’ll also help you with your character development as well as make you an overall better roleplayer.

The Admin Team was going to post about an event that wasn’t mandatory. But, I think I’m gonna talk to them and ask to put that event on hold and make another mandatory event for the entire group. I think that will help a lot in regards to branching out and making people interact with others more. Either way, keep an eye out for an event that’s coming soon! <3

Everyone please like this notice so I know you’ve all read it, thank you. <3

the bike theme in unova > the beatles’ entire discography

anonymous asked:

Okay I've been off SM for two days wtf happened?? Pls answer I'm confused and scared :((

First Camila unfollowed girls on twitter.. then there is a rumour ppl say there will be a camren fight in twitter today.. and again ppl say camila has ex gf.. i dont believe rumors.. dont believe too.. and if you see a fight it will be staged.. i want drama free Camrennn ugh.. and dont be scared this ship will survive from all dramas and we will too as camren shippers

I am still holding onto hope that everything is gonna be okay in the end. But the problem is, maybe things won’t get better. I’m not gauranteed a happy ending, not everyone is. And I think that’s the worst part about living.

god i think one of the biggest self indulgent things for me for the finale is merle turning john around

i dont know if id want this to stop the hunger completely, and i dont think id want john to survive the finale regardless

but theres something so goddamn compelling to me about merle being able to convince john otherwise on his views, on his ultimate endgoal. of merle finally, for the first (and last) time, not leaving the parley room in a spout of fire and death, but a calm, firm handshake across the boardroom table as everything dissolves into peaceful white smoke

WHAT THE FUCK AM I

SUPPOSED

TO

DO

WITH THIS

That is tiny Sougo with a cat. I repeat. Tiny Sougo with a cat. And Mitsuba and Hijikata with their commander leading the way. And then that is Sougo with a cat. Our sadistic little captain with a cat. An actual cat has approached evil Sougo to play with him, our supposedly heartless guy. Heartless my ass. Look at his face, I’m sure he’s so surprised in the best of the ways.

And then omg the way Kondo and Hijikata are looking back. Just like Mitsuba used to do when he was little, they make sure he’s okay, he’s still there and following them. And you know the worst? This is the last time we’re seeing then as Shinsengumi. After this, there’s no police in Edo anymore. They’ll be gone in an arc and it’ll break my heart and gintama please stop omg I won’t survive this

Idiot. You’re crying too.

Despite what this might imply, after reading this weeks chapter I was uncontrollably happy.