i dont want to die i just want to move on

all of my friends get together when im at work i never see anyone i want to fucking kill myself i hate being alone i hate all of my interactions are mandated by fucking work i want to fucking kill myself ITS NOT MY FAULT I CANT FUCKING ENTERTAIN YOU WHILE IM AT WORK I HATE THAT I ONLY SEE PEOPLE WHEN IM WORKING SO JUST FUCK YOU ITS NOT MY FAULT I CANT BE A FUCKING ENTERTAINING FRIEND
AND I DONT HAVE ANY FUCKING FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES ME AND I DESERVE TO BE FUCKING KILLED!!! I WANT TO FUCKING BLEED OUT I DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO MOVE BACK HOME I MISS MY FUCKING MOM AND MY DOGS AND MY CATS I WANT TO GO HOME
I WISH I HAD FRIENDS I WISH I HAD MY MOM I WISH I DIDNT WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF ALL THE TIME BUT SOMEONE SHOULD JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY FUCK

im a pathetic excuse for a human being honestly i cant cook i have no idea how to work any of the helpful machines in the house i have no plans for my future andthe idea of leaving my current job to get a higher paid one to move out or learn to drive is terrifying. learning to do all these things is just terrifying for me. i dont want to get anything wrong bc thatll prove im useless but if i dont do them i will remain useless and codependent forever??

i hate being an adult i want to die i cant do this