i dont want to be fat anymore



In 1 month you would be turning 17, and i wonder everyday what would that be like, if you would be borrowing my clothes and make up, or if you would still play with dolls as you did when you left me here.

Would you still be funny and sweet as you were?, Never calling me “fat” or things that you know would hurt me.

I miss you, so much its unbereable, like a hole in the middle of my chest. You were my sister, my only sister and I dont have you by my side anymore. And its really unfair. I would give up my life if that would bring you back.

I’m so afraid noone will remember you but me. Thats one of my greatest fears. If people forget how lovely you were and how strong and brave and how willing to go through hell just to live.

I want all people to know about you.

Lucy (Lucia Florencia), was born in February 4th in 1998, when i was six years old, and she was my best friend ever.

She was really funny and loved to play dress up. She usually used Sailor Moon’s suit and put make up on and it was just hillarious.

She really liked when i took pictures of her, she was like my model, i really liked taking pictures of her. She is the cutest thing the world has ever had.

Her hair was long and waivy and dark brown, and her eyes where so bright and charming and obscure at the same time, really misterious.

She played the piano, the violin and had a really good ear and could play lots of songs only by ear, without even know how to read partitures.

She was bright as hell, but really talkative, and sometimes naughty. Once she came back from school (9 years old), and told my dad, “I have one bad new and one good”, my dad said “Tell me the bad first”, “the teacher put me a bad face on my notebook because i punched Anna on the face, she was being really rude”, and my dad said, “and whats the good one” “That Anna is okey, that we are fine, and it was nothing at all, just that”. He could not stop laughing after that.

She was my rock, and I was hers. We loved each other even more other sibbligs do. She was the true face of love.

Her favourite stuffed animal was the racoon you can see in the bed besides her. She was burried with him, his name was “Mapachin”, and he was her fav since she was like 3 years old, when she cut really deep her finger and had to have stitches and mum bought that to her for being so brave.

She got sick in 2008, she was 10, her back started hurting really bad, and after xrays and exams, mum came back crying like I had never seen her, and my world felt appart.

I had to go and tell Lucy she had to go to another city to get her back cured. and she asked me if she would have to take some medicine, and it broke my heart.

She had cancer, a new kind of cancer, in one tumor it had different fenotipes and there was no treatment that cured the whole tumor, so they removed it. It didnt work.

She thought she was cured, my parents never could tell her the truth after that, we were all a reck, really messed up people, we still are. We will always be. Life really took love away from us in such a hurtfull and horrible way its almost impossible to describe.

Whatever doctors said that she might have or experience, happened. Every single bad thing. She had to lie on a bed for 4 months without moving, cause her brain tumor wouldnt let her. Her lungs tumors filled her lungs with water, so she couldnt breath anymore.

After some months of unbeareable sadness and hoping for miracles and praying to every god ever existed. Doctors had to put her in medical coma, because she wouldnt get better. Ever.

And that was it. on June 8th on 2010, my sister died of cancer, in a hospital bed. Her last thing she “said” (she couldnt talk anymore, so she said I LOVE U blinking her eyes really hard), was I love you, to my mum, dad and me.

And I lost everything.

The day after that, was when i saw death itself. My sister, insanely pale and blue-ish in a coffin, and i had months and months of nightmares.

I miss her smell, i miss her voice, and i miss not remembering everything that happened before the illness, because i wasnt really thinking something as destroying as that would happen.

Im just writing my heart here, you cant see my fingers trembling, or the tears running down my face, but i know you can feel them, because i need to tell you all this.

Please think of her, even though you didnt know her. She was my baby sister, and my mate, and my love. And i dont have her anymore and I dont want her to be lost in time and noone knowing who she is.

She couldve been a remarkable piano player, or an actress, or a veterinary,for her love towards animals. But she hadnt the chance to do that.

She didnt have her first kiss

or her first period

or travel to disney world

or be trully in love with someone

and most of the things we enjoy as teens and young adults. She couldnt have them, so please, think of her when u do. Say her name before going to sleep, tell your kids about this amazing girl who lived in Mar del Plata, Argentina and told the kindergarten teacher she wanted to be a Ship captain just like her dad. And how she was not ashamed at all when she asked santa for a HotWeels Car wash instead of a barbie.

I love you, and I hope you think of her.

Eugenia Cecilia Arroyo.


  • me: jesus fucking christ im fat. i need to not eat anything at all anymore. 2000 calories is too much, so i should like eat only a meal and a half a day. small portion sizes and counting calories on everything. i need to get skinny!!
  • me to me: get rid of your internalized fatphobia and love yourself. exercise if you must but don't overdo it. a little chub is okay. it's healthy. eat whatever you want, life is too short to count calories. please love your body

anonymous asked:

Hi.. i just want to say that i love your blog, the pictures you post are so pretty... I just want to know how you do it.. im 255lbs and i have no self-control i dont know what to do anymore.. ive tried literally everything... im so weak.. my fat mind always win...

Self control is one of the hardest things for humans to acquire, I think. Its not easy. I BARELY have any self control, but I know I’m getting better. Maybe you could try to set small rules for yourself. This enforcesvself control, and might give you the confidence to know you are stronger than cravings. So maybe rules like no food after 8 pm. Or no sugar on Tuesdays and Thursdays. No red meat on weekdays. Just see what works for you, and what you feel good about. Baby steps, you’ll get there

Ive been submitted the “I draw fat girls but theyre really just thicc/have big hip” shit already lol dont send it anymore

I know what Im drawing they arent supposed to be fat or skinny

idc about what you think about it, I draw what I want

and I dont post my “diversity” purposly

 as Ive said I’m a sellout y’all dont care about my art unless theyre thicc with a tiny waist so thats all I post lmao,

 I got thin characters, fat characters, characters with missing parts, mentally/physically disabled characters, characters with backgrounds but no one gives a shit so I dont either

I got characters I actually care about

so the just of it is, if y’all dont care I dont, and Im not going to post shit for no reason so dont annoy me with salty bullshit I couldnt care less about

now I already know someones going to send me those stupid ass posts again, so Ill be reblogging this, just block phoxtalk if you dont want to see it

i desperately want to drop italian like DESPERATELY DESPERATELY want to stop doing it at uni i could throw up right now thinking about having to go to class tomorrow it’s not enjoyable at all anymore i dont find it interesting and i dont care and i also want to die constantly thinking about it i’m going to just fucikign. march into student services and drop the entire unit and underload this semester or something i’m a big fat failure but i don’t!!!!!!!!! care!!!!!!!!!

Fatbutfire sent in this gorgeous submission. Here’s what she said:

“i’ve lived my entire life being told how fat i am and how pretty i would be if i lost some weight. ive lived my entire life hating myself and the way i look. ive hid myself and isolated myself because i didnt want people to as much as look at me. ive never been in a relationship because who would ever like me? who would ever want to be with someone who looks like me? about 6 months ago i decided that im actually cute as fuck and i shouldnt let other people dictate what i think about myself. im slowly starting to love myself how i deserve to be loved. i dont look for approval of others anymore. i love me and im cute as hell and no one can tell me otherwise. i love me!!!! fat and stretch marks and cellulite and all. thanks for your blog.”

I’m so pleased to hear about your new positive mindset! Keep it up!

  • Daehyun or any other BAP Member: Oh I'm hanging out with old friends and family for the first time in 3 years. I was so busy and could never see them before and now I can and it's great. But my fans are probably worried and want to know what I'm up to so even though I have zero obligation to do so, I'm gonna post a pic of this on IG to let them know that I'm okay and having fun with friends. *posts*
  • Dick pickle half of Baby Fandom: *sees IG post* ......
  • Me: Hoe don't do it
  • Dick pickle half of Baby Fandom: OMFG WhY Arn'Et YoU HaNgiNG OUT wITh thE OtHer OPpArs!!!11?? YoU arE A CrImiNaL aNd DoNt CaRe AbOut BAP aNyMore TRAITOR!!!!111 ThIs huRTs mE So MuCh!!!!1111
  • Me: oh my god
  • Daehyun: Okay geez sorry guys. I still love you guys so here. *Posts update of all 6 members hanging out*
  • Dick pickle half of Baby Fandom: *sees IG post* ......
  • Me: Hoe don't do it
  • Dick pickle half of Baby Fandom: WTf hImcHaN YOuRE sO FaT!!!11 WhAt hAvE yOu bEeN EatInG??? dO yOu hAvE A dIsorDer oR sOmeThiNG??
  • Me: oh my god