i dont want to be fat anymore



In 1 month you would be turning 17, and i wonder everyday what would that be like, if you would be borrowing my clothes and make up, or if you would still play with dolls as you did when you left me here.

Would you still be funny and sweet as you were?, Never calling me “fat” or things that you know would hurt me.

I miss you, so much its unbereable, like a hole in the middle of my chest. You were my sister, my only sister and I dont have you by my side anymore. And its really unfair. I would give up my life if that would bring you back.

I’m so afraid noone will remember you but me. Thats one of my greatest fears. If people forget how lovely you were and how strong and brave and how willing to go through hell just to live.

I want all people to know about you.

Lucy (Lucia Florencia), was born in February 4th in 1998, when i was six years old, and she was my best friend ever.

She was really funny and loved to play dress up. She usually used Sailor Moon’s suit and put make up on and it was just hillarious.

She really liked when i took pictures of her, she was like my model, i really liked taking pictures of her. She is the cutest thing the world has ever had.

Her hair was long and waivy and dark brown, and her eyes where so bright and charming and obscure at the same time, really misterious.

She played the piano, the violin and had a really good ear and could play lots of songs only by ear, without even know how to read partitures.

She was bright as hell, but really talkative, and sometimes naughty. Once she came back from school (9 years old), and told my dad, “I have one bad new and one good”, my dad said “Tell me the bad first”, “the teacher put me a bad face on my notebook because i punched Anna on the face, she was being really rude”, and my dad said, “and whats the good one” “That Anna is okey, that we are fine, and it was nothing at all, just that”. He could not stop laughing after that.

She was my rock, and I was hers. We loved each other even more other sibbligs do. She was the true face of love.

Her favourite stuffed animal was the racoon you can see in the bed besides her. She was burried with him, his name was “Mapachin”, and he was her fav since she was like 3 years old, when she cut really deep her finger and had to have stitches and mum bought that to her for being so brave.

She got sick in 2008, she was 10, her back started hurting really bad, and after xrays and exams, mum came back crying like I had never seen her, and my world felt appart.

I had to go and tell Lucy she had to go to another city to get her back cured. and she asked me if she would have to take some medicine, and it broke my heart.

She had cancer, a new kind of cancer, in one tumor it had different fenotipes and there was no treatment that cured the whole tumor, so they removed it. It didnt work.

She thought she was cured, my parents never could tell her the truth after that, we were all a reck, really messed up people, we still are. We will always be. Life really took love away from us in such a hurtfull and horrible way its almost impossible to describe.

Whatever doctors said that she might have or experience, happened. Every single bad thing. She had to lie on a bed for 4 months without moving, cause her brain tumor wouldnt let her. Her lungs tumors filled her lungs with water, so she couldnt breath anymore.

After some months of unbeareable sadness and hoping for miracles and praying to every god ever existed. Doctors had to put her in medical coma, because she wouldnt get better. Ever.

And that was it. on June 8th on 2010, my sister died of cancer, in a hospital bed. Her last thing she “said” (she couldnt talk anymore, so she said I LOVE U blinking her eyes really hard), was I love you, to my mum, dad and me.

And I lost everything.

The day after that, was when i saw death itself. My sister, insanely pale and blue-ish in a coffin, and i had months and months of nightmares.

I miss her smell, i miss her voice, and i miss not remembering everything that happened before the illness, because i wasnt really thinking something as destroying as that would happen.

Im just writing my heart here, you cant see my fingers trembling, or the tears running down my face, but i know you can feel them, because i need to tell you all this.

Please think of her, even though you didnt know her. She was my baby sister, and my mate, and my love. And i dont have her anymore and I dont want her to be lost in time and noone knowing who she is.

She couldve been a remarkable piano player, or an actress, or a veterinary,for her love towards animals. But she hadnt the chance to do that.

She didnt have her first kiss

or her first period

or travel to disney world

or be trully in love with someone

and most of the things we enjoy as teens and young adults. She couldnt have them, so please, think of her when u do. Say her name before going to sleep, tell your kids about this amazing girl who lived in Mar del Plata, Argentina and told the kindergarten teacher she wanted to be a Ship captain just like her dad. And how she was not ashamed at all when she asked santa for a HotWeels Car wash instead of a barbie.

I love you, and I hope you think of her.

Eugenia Cecilia Arroyo.


shakingtobskinny  asked:

Hey there! Might sound weird but you are honestly are what I aspire to be. And I dont mean that like you gave me the idea to lose weight but you are the person I wish I could I be . i mean almost 40 lbs in a month ? Wow. Can I ask how you did it ?? I've been at it for years never gotten that much progress

Okie dokie all my lovely followers, I’m going to say that anyone who wishes they could “be like me” to read this post!

Babygirl, I’m so honored that you would even consider looking up and aspiring to be me. Ive never in my life considered that someone could find me that admirable! That alone is so touching, and in a strange way it makes me feel really accomplished.

I’m sure you know it, but this is a sickness. I am extremely, extremely sick. I know this. The reason i was able to drop 40 pounds in a month and a half is because i pushed my body to its limits and I BROKE myself. Sure, the result may look good in theory, but its much different in practice.

I wasn’t and I am not happy. Of course, none of us are. We wouldn’t be doing this if we were happy, huh? That makes me so sad. You deserve better than this.

My eating was so disordered. It still is. I cut out everything, every single food, except fresh vegetables (excluding corn/ potatoes) and if i was on the verge of blacking out, a handful of frozen blueberries. I would make myself burn more than 600 calories daily. If i ate anything, anything at all, that i deemed not part of my “diet” i would purge the fuck out of it. My esophagus ended up with a small tear and scared the absolute hell out of me, because i went to purge and when i pulled my finger out, it was covered with blood. Ive read the posts, i thought that i was going to die alone and scared next to a toilet bowl of vomit at 20 years old. Ive always had the suspicion I’d end my own life, but i thought I’d at least get to say goodbye to the people i love, first.

Of course, this didn’t happen. I’m lucky it didn’t. If that didn’t kill me though, the path I was/ am surely will. I dont get enough nutrients. Every time I stand, my vision gets fuzzy. If my anxiety was bad before, its a million times worse than hell now. I’m scared to eat, I’m scared to drink 5 calorie juice, I’m scared my roommates will sabotage my food. I’m terrified of hanging out with friends because hanging out usually involves food.

It’s programmed into us that sharing a meal/ eating with others establishes and reinforces a bond. That’s why eating with strangers/ first dates are so uncomfortable. I cant enjoy socializing with people anymore because I’m sick. I’m so damn lonely because of this, babygirl. That’s why i always ask you guys to send me messages/ asks. I’m lonely as fuck. I miss my friends. I miss my parents. I miss my brother; we used to go to dinner every Thursday and just talk. I cant bring myself to any more because of the dinner part.

I cant focus. I may seem commendable, but my ED and the mood disorders that follow make it impossible to do anything except think about food/ exercise. I’m failing all of my classes this semester. I wanted to go to graduate school, and then medical school if needed. I wanted to be a doctor and save lives. There is a slim chance that i will be able to do that now, because my ED has taken mine away.

I am so sick. Please do not be like me. Be like you. Slow progress is absolutely progress. Patience is a virtue (one that i wish i had). You WILL reach your goals, even if it takes you a little bit longer. And that’s okay. If you lose weight too fast, like myself, you will accumulate baggy, loose skin that (if its way too fast) will make you look like a plastic bag you get from the grocery store. If the goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin, i promise this will make absolutely sure that you’re not unless you can gather up thousands of dollars to get a doctor to remove excess skin.

I’m begging you, and anyone else that has had the patience to read, not to be like me. I’m so scared. I’m scared and I’m so sorry if any one of you have looked at my posts and have gone on to try to “be like me”. I had no idea how much I could be hurting you guys. I constantly promote how much I love all of my followers and want you to be healthy, i never thought about the consequences of what I’m posting about myself. I’m honestly terrified now that I’m going to be the reason someone pushes themselves too far and lose their life because “hey, if she did it, I can too!” No no no no no, please dont. Please.

The will power and self control that you guys seem to praise so much doesn’t exist. I dont have the control anymore. If it were up to me, the rational and real me that i know is buried under this ED, I would keep all my fat. It’s a celebration of life; good memories of dinner with friends, tasty thanksgiving meals with my family, my nephews first birthday when I made him a cake, every movie I’ve ever seen, every late night cram session with all my science nerd friends. I could go on. In a way, I feel like I’m burning away every memory and every close relationship I’ve ever had because of this.

This post may seem degrading, but I’m saying all of this because i honestly, genuinely care and i am really scared. You all deserve a life. Give yourself a chance to get to that ugw, dont cut your life short to get there as fast as possible. Please.

Even if i dont know you, i love you. I care so deeply for everyone who suffers from this life-ruining illness. I feel your pain, and i want you to know i really am here for anyone that wants to message me.

TL;DR– Skinny girls arent pretty when they’re dead. Slow progress is progress, and food is fuel. Celebrate your accomplishments, because you absolutely deserve it. And I’m so, so sorry for any harm I’ve done.

“if you don’t draw black people you’re racist and bad at art” no

“if you don’t draw fat people you’re disrespectful and bad at art” nope

“if you draw only anime you aren’t a real artist” not even close.

just draw what you want. leave people alone

  • me: jesus fucking christ im fat. i need to not eat anything at all anymore. 2000 calories is too much, so i should like eat only a meal and a half a day. small portion sizes and counting calories on everything. i need to get skinny!!
  • me to me: get rid of your internalized fatphobia and love yourself. exercise if you must but don't overdo it. a little chub is okay. it's healthy. eat whatever you want, life is too short to count calories. please love your body

i can’t tell some ocs apart anymore. 

also i know u guys want your ocs to be sexy, but give them organs. please. u can have intestines, a stomach, etc, and still be sexy. you can be fat and be sexy. let your fat, sexy ocs have a damn stomach. dont just make them fat in places you find attractive/want to fetishize.

ok but imagine

evan is at jared’s house and they’re making out and evan’s in jared’s lap and everything is beautiful and evan reaches to pull off jared’s shirt and jared just smacks evan’s hand away. right?

“i-i’m sorry.” jared just stutters out. “i-i can’t let you s-see me.”

and evans like so confused and he thinks he messed up something. and hes looking at jared and he goes “jared i.. i.. what did i do?”

and jared just shakes his head and he looks at evan and his eyes are watering up and he sighs. and he just.

“you didn’t do anything i just.. you wont like me anymore and.. i dont want you to leave me.”

and evans heart is like “wtf binch ily” and evan is breaking because look jared is crYING.

jared doesnt cry.

but no, evan cups jareds cheek and he just starts whispering to him and he just goes

“i’ll always love you, jared, why wouldn’t i?”

and jared just shakes his head because he hates his body So Much. and he thinks evan will too.

“because my body looks gross. and i hate it. im fat and-”

but evan shakes his head and puts a finger up to jareds lips and he just stares into jareds eyes and he stares a little more before talking.

“if i were to hate you for your body, i have more issues than you. youre not fat, jared. i fell in love with you, not your body. although.. your body IS pretty great.”

and jared smiles and he puts evans hand on the bottom of his shirt and evan shakily takes jareds shirt off and he tosses it to the side and.

jared is so beautiful. he thinks jared is just captivating. he just wants to hold him forever hes so chubby and soft and warm and he puts a hand on jareds stomach and he smiles.

“youre so pretty”

anonymous asked:

I had a dream that u had another peakwing advent for thanksgiving and there was this rly cool moss rainwing Peakwing hybrid with plants growing on the wings but also u had a "surprise" design and u said "what's up bitches this is ramone and we were expecting something rly cooL and it was a rly fat turkey Peakwing with chubby short legs and idk how to deal anymore also he was ?? absolutely slathered in gravy that being said, I'd want a turkey Peakwing in the future if I could afford one lmao

jesus christmas theres alot going on here. Like im australian and i dont even know when thanks giving is, but a big turkey dragon? you have my attention (also the mossy one sounds cool i should do smth like that one day)

anyway you made me draw this its your fault this fuckin image exists

szpetnosc  asked:

do you know this feeling when you feel so fat and hungry and you just dont care about your weigh anymore so you are staring eating e v r y t h i n g and after that you realized how fucked you are? because it was me this weekend and GOSH i hate myself, i had everything under control and i just fucked thisXD can someone kill me because i know i will AGAIN gain some pounds and i dont want this and i also dont want to throw this shit up because i will feel even worse

literally me today. it was no fun at all. im so so sorry you feel this way. drink water, stretch. tomorrow will be so much better

anonymous asked:

Apparently cheol went shirtless, also jun. But they were wearing a jacket on top. Tbh i don't feel excited at all :/. If that's what they want i'm 100% supportive but usually companies pushs them to show more skin, because that's how business work -_-

i dont want that either !!! bc like once they do it ppl are gonna want to keep seeing it n then theyll get sexualized n objectified even more n get called inapporpriate things n then if they dont have abs anymore they’ll get called lazy or fat or whatever n like if its what THEY want then im 110% supportive but if theyre doing it bc “”“"its what the fans want”“”“ then :// i just hope its a rumour n them being topless wouldnt rlly match the concepts ???? from what ive seen anyways

anonymous asked:

im already "small" but my stomach sticks out and my thighs touch and although everyone tells me im already skinny i want to be thin and i feel like i eat tons throughout the day but it always ends up under 1,000 calories and i like that. i shoot for 500 but ive gotten lazy and like never work out anymore so is this actually an ED?? I could eat as much as everyone else but i dont want to i wAnt to have a flat stomach--sorry for using your asks as a diary lmao

Im not the one to say if you have an ed or not but ot seems like the way to get thinner is working out and getting lean more than dieting/restricting for you. I have a very small cousin whos undeeweight but still has a tummy and thighs that touch bc she lost muscle along the way instead of losing fat and gaining muscle.

My grandma: How many grilled cheeses am I making?

Me: Two please!

Grandma: Two!? You’re gonna get fat…er

….Thanks gma. Excuse me for being hungry. Ive not ate at all today yet..

Ya know, even tho Ive been outta school for years, I still get bullied about my weight at home.

I dont fucking care anymore. Food does not control me. Hell, it makes me sick. I wish I could stop eating altogether. I want people to be both scared and amazed at how thin I’ve got. I want people to be frightened. I’ll make everyone regret the day they called me fat. Its time to change. I dont want to be me anymore. Im gonna be a stone cold skinny bitch.

You think he likes your twin more than you

“Hey tay” i say as i sit next to him,
Waiting for his reply,and surprise surprise,he doest reply,
“Well thanks” i say moving away from him,
“Wanna do something? Im bored”
“Go away” he says flatly,
I sigh and get up,walking out,
He doesnt even look up from his phone,
It honestly doesnt get to me anymore,he ignores me all the time,so its no different from any other day,
I walk into the kitchen and grab so chips,i sit on a stool by the counter,when i decide to go up to my room,
As im passing the living room, i hear y/t/n and taylor talking,
“Can we go to the beach?” She asked sweetly,
“Of course we can” he smiles at her,
I cough slightly too let them know im here,tears streamed from my eyes and ran down my cheeks
Taylor whipped his head around,
And saw me standing there,his face turned to sadness then guilt,
“I know where im not wanted” i say quietly,
I walk up too my room,and lock the door,i slide down it cry for atleast 40-60 minutes.
“Y/n open the door” taylor says
“Go a-away” i said still crying
I got up and opened the door
“What do you want” i said
“Im sorry” he says staring at me
“You’re sorry? is that all you can say is im sorry,you pretend asif im invisible,you love y/t/n mor-”
“Thats not true”
“YES ,YES IT IS TAYLOR,AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID TOO YOU,BUT YOU STILL CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME,I HATE YOU TAYLOR,DONT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN” i scream slamming the door in his face and locking it,i carry on crying for what seems like forever.

“Mattew,are you coming with us to the mall?” mom shouted
I heard ruffling
“Yeah i gotta get a few things” he replies
“Ok hurry up”
Me,mom and y/t/n walked out to the car and waited for matt,
About 2 minutes later he walked out and got in the car,
I stuck my headphones in and listened to all time low,
When we got to the mall y/t/n ran out squealing ,i trudged behind her
“Mom can we go in this shop?” She asked smiling,
Of course mom said yes.
I was dragged into the shop,there was dresses everywhere.
I walked slowly over to the racks and skimmed through them,
Then i saw the most beautiful summer dress,im not usually the dress
Type of person,but this dress was just wow.
I picked it up and saw it was a size smaller than i am,but im quite small
So it should fit,i ran into the changing room with it and saw the rest of my family
Well mom and mathew,y/t/n must be in the changing room
“Mom can i see if this fits?” I asked
“Of course honey” she smiled,
I went behind the curtain and put it on,
“Right i want both of you too come out at the same time”
Mom said,she sounded happy so i couldn’t say no
“1…2….3” she said
I whipped open the curtain,
Moms eyes were on me,and matthews were on y/t/n ,he looked at her
And said
“You look lovely”
Then he turned to me,his face dropped and he looked disgusted
“Mom can you come with me too the register,i wanna pay for these” y/t/n
Her and my mom got up and walked off,
“What do you think..?” I asked matt,
“It looks too small,either that or you too fat” he laughed.
I looked at him in disbelief,he’d never taken it this far before.
He knew i was self conscious,because we used to be close,then
Y/t/n took over, i used to tell him everything,
Tears streamed down my face as i hid behind the curtain
I took the dress off and threw it on the floor,i got dressed and ran out of the store
Leaving them behind,
I ran to the other end of the mall and cried with my head down,so nobody would notice
I wiped my eyes and looked up,i saw matt walking slowly towards me,
I cried even harder,
He sat down next to me
“Im so sorry y/n..” He said sniffling
I turned my head away from him
He put his hand on my shoulder
“Matthew get off me right now” i said sternly.
“Please just listen to me” he pleaded
“No,i dont what to listen to you,youve done what you’ve done,you knew how self conscious i am,yet you still call me fat,just FUCK OFF” i shouted,now everyone was looking at us
“I hate you” i said as i walked off leaving him there.

(There is self harm in this story)

I cried silently looking at the roof,everything was too much
Everyone expected me to be perfect,just like y/t/n,when i couldnt
They all put pressure on me,why dont you dress like y/t/n?
Why arent you pretty like y/t/n,why can you do well at school like y/t/n
What ever i did,she always did it better,they expect me to be exactly like her,

Today nash had gone too far,he called me “fat,ugly and dumb” and he told me
He loved y/t/n more than me and that i should kill myself, i couldnt handle it anymore, i
just want to die,
So thats whats going to happen,im going to die,everyone will be happier,
I will be happy.

I got up and sat at my desk,i got a pen and some paper,and began writing

Dear mom and dad,

Im so sorry im not as perfect as y/t/n,im sorry im an ugly dumb bitch
Thats a disappointment and an embarrassment,but you wont need to worry about
All that stuff now,becuase by the time you read read this,ill be dead,in
a place ive wanted to be for so long,
Tell Nash he got what he wanted,tell him he made my life miserable,he
told me to kill myself.so i will.
Tell him he wont need to remind me im not good enough or that im
Worth it anymore,becuase i wont be there for him to tell me that.

I hope he feels guilty for my death,because he’s the one that drove me too

I love you mom,dad,hayes,sky,and even y/t/n
I will watch down on you from heaven.

I folded the paper up and put it on my desk,i wrote mom and dad on the front.
I walked into my bathroom and pulled out my blades and looked at them,
The cold metal danced on my wrist,when i made the first cut,i carried on and on untill i couldnt see
My skin,my vision blurry and my head started spinning,this is it,

NASH’ P.o.v
I felt bad after telling y/n all that stuff,i didnt mean it obviously,
I dont even know why im so horrible too her,i know she hates me,
I mean who who wouldnt, i decided to go see what shes doing
I walked up to her room and knocked on the door
“Y/n” i say,she doesnt reply
“Y/n” i say abit louder,no reply,
I started to get really worried,but then i realised shes probably
Giving me the silent treatment,i knocked on her door and walked in
She wasnt here..weird,i walked over to her bathroom,the door was open slightly
I pushed. It open and i saw my baby sister lying there with bloody arms and a box of
Blades next to her
I instantly started to cry
“Y/N PLEASE GET UP” i screamed shaking her
“PLEASE IM SORRY” i pleaded
“PLEASE” i cried shaking her
“NASH WHATS WRONG” said y/t/n as she walked into her room,
She looked at the mess and looked at me
She screamed,
I just cried,i shook her and shook her but she wouldnt wake up
These are so bad,im thinking of doing part 2 though idk.

anonymous asked:

Idk anymore, I have huge body insecurities (hope i spelled that right) and everytime someone calls me fat, I sink into bad mood, I'm slightly overweight, but i'm so lazy and I can't fucking bring myself to lose weight, because nothing works. Idk. I think I will never eat again. (Please, if staffs fucks up anon for me, i want to reamain anon)

dont just stop eating altogether man. you can kill yourself or have the opposite affect of what you want and gain more weight because your body goes into “starvation mode”

look into healthy diets, cut out sugars, do some exercise man.

do what you can, and if so, little by little.


Magcon/26mgmt Preference #3 : Self Harm

**trigger warning*, dont read if youre not comfortable*

Jacob: Right after a cute little home cooked meal with Jacob, you took your walk of shame straight to the bathroom. After closing and locking the door, you ran towards the toilet, not wanting your body absorbing the fat anymore. As you kneeled by the toilet you heard a knock on the door followed by Jacob asking what was wrong.

“I-I’m fine Jacob, I just need to use the washroom.” You said, while shoving your finger down your throat causing a gag reflex.

“Y/N, you have one second to open this door before I knock it down, you have to stop doing this.” You heard Jacob’s muffled voice through the wooden door.

“I can’t be fat, I can’t be fat.” You repeated to yourself over and over again when all of the sudden you heard a snapping noise.

Spinning your head around you saw the bathroom door broken off the hinge, and Jacob kneeling down scooping you up into his arms. You could still see the tears falling freely from his face.

“You have to stop this baby, it’s killing me. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t live without you. I need you to get better honey.” Jacob sobbed into your neck as he laid you onto the bed, draping the duvet over you, curling up beside you.

“I love you Jacob.”

“I love you too, baby girl.” Jacob sighed.

Nash: Nash had known you cut because you two had met and he instantly fell for you while he was kissing the cuts on your wrist. You promised that the minute you two started dating you would stop. But what he didn’t know is that you had recently started cutting again due to all the hate you were receiving from all of his so called ‘fans’.

One day, you two were wrestling on the living room couch. Nash was straddling you, but you got a sudden burst of power so you rolled the both of you over. You both landing on the ground with a soft thud.

Instantly you started giggling. You glanced down at Nash when you realized that he wasn’t laughing.

When you looked at the brunette haired boy you saw the tears welling up in his eyes. Glancing down you noticed that during all the play fighting, your tank top had risen, revealing the fresh cuts you had imprinted on your hip.

“Nash-“ You started.

“No Y/N, you promised me that you would stop. Why didn’t you come talk to me, or tell me what was bothering. I hate that you keep doing this to yourself. Whenever you hurt yourself you hurt me too baby.”

“I’m so sorry Nash.” You muttered, looking to the ground ashamed.

“No princess, I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed me most.” Nash said while pulling you into a tight bear hug.

Cam: Cam sat you down at the dinner table, placing a plate with fat filled foods covering every square inch of the plate. Taking a seat across from you watching your reaction.

You started to get nervous knowing that he had finally found out about your eating disorder. Glancing down at your lap you fiddled nervously with the ring Cameron had given you for Christmas that was on your finger.

“Eat something please Y/N.” He muttered as you stared at the plate, trying not to make eye contact with Cam because you knew his face would be covered in tears.

Slowly, you grabbed the silver fork he had placed next to the plate, moving the mashed potatoes around the plate. You craved the feeling of the smooth potatoes gliding down your throat followed by the creamy butter and thick gravy, but you couldn’t, you couldn’t get fat because then the fans would hate you even more.

“Please baby, you can’t starve yourself baby, it’s not healthy. I miss you, the real you, who would go out for ice cream with me, or who would go to the movies with me and order a large popcorn with extra butter. You can’t do this because every meal you skip breaks my heart more and more. I can’t stand this feeling anymore baby, knowing I can’t help you. Please Y/N, for me, just let me help you get better.”

You let the tears flow, realizing how much you were breaking Cameron, and you couldn’t do that to the boy you loved.

“Ok Cam, I want to get better, please help me.”

“Anything for my princess.” Cam said with a smile, wiping his tears.

Matt: You were in the kitchen, making Matt some spaghetti for supper. While reaching for the noodles on the top shelf, you felt Matt’s hand rest on your hip as his other hand reached for the noodles for you.

“Thanks Matt.” You said, smiling. But before you could pull your sleeves down over your wrists, Matt grabbed your arm forcefully, jerking it towards him. Glancing down at the white lines that covered your wrists.

“When did yo- Why did yo- what? When Y/N, please tell me you haven’t cut in a while.”

“It’s no big deal Matt, when I was 15 I suffered from depression, I used to cut.  Then I met you, and you changed me, every day we spent together, I could feel your positivity sinking into me, and soon enough, I stopped.”

“Really, I helped you?” Matt asked, his eyes lighting up like a child’s on Christmas.

“Yes Matt.”

“Wow.” Was all he could say. “It feels incredible.”

“That’s because you are incredible Matt.”

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Matt.”

Jack G: You sat in yours and Jack’s shared bedroom, with Jack’s laptop in front of you and a blade in your hand. With every hate comment you read, you left a red slash across your left thigh.

Suddenly the bedroom door was thrown open revealing Jack.

“Hey baby I know I’m supposed to be in the studio, but I forgot my laptop so Jack and  I decided to take a brea- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING Y/N?!” Jack screamed as you stared up at him like a deer in the headlights.

“WH-what, w-why, Y-Y/N, but w-why.” Jack stuttered, tears falling from his face.

This was it you though, he was going to break up with you, why wouldn’t he you’re just some suicidal girl who would probably be better off dead. There were so many beautiful girls out there, why would he stay with you.

Jack suddenly picked you up and took you to the bathroom placing you on the counter, bandaging your cuts, not saying another word.

Then his movements stopped as he glanced up at you. “How many times Y/n?” He questioned.

“What do you mean Jack.”

“How many times have you cut?”

“Why does it matter Jack?” You asked back.

“Because I want to know how many times you needed me any I wasn’t there for you.” He said as he started sobbing into your chest again.

“It’s ok Jack.” You stated, wrapping your arms around his torso. “I want to stop this, I wanna get better.”

“I’ll help you princess, don’t worry, I’ll make up for all those times I wasn’t there.”

Jack J: Picking up the phone you heard a “Hey Princess!”

God you’ve missed the sound of his voice. You haven’t seen Jack in three weeks. You’ve been in the West Rose Home For Unwell Girls. You had hit your breaking point a month ago when you had starved yourself for 5 days. You had realized that you wanted to be happy and not deal with all the burdens anymore.

Realizing that you hadn’t answered Jack yet, you chirped a “Hi Jack, I miss you.”

“I miss you too princess. But your health is much more important than me being able to see you.”

“Well you won’t have to miss me for long J. They’re sending me home tomorrow.”

“Really Y/n, that’s so exciting, you know I’ll be there bright and early waiting for you.”

“I know Jack.” You said smiling to yourself. “But I have to go now, I love you.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

-next day-

You never realized how much you missed the sun until you could feel its heat radiating onto you.

“Y/N!” You heard the one person that kept you going through everything.

“JACK!” You screeched.

You both ran towards each other until you were wrapped in each other’s embrace.

Taylor: “GOD DAMNIT Y/N! JUST EAT SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOU’RE KILLING YOURSELF FOR FUCKS SAKE.” Taylor screamed at you across the dinner table causing you to cry.

“No, Y/N I-I didn’t mean it like that I- God I fucked up.” He stated simply as he walked over to where you were sitting, pulling you gently from your chair and sitting you on the ground, him sitting behind you with his legs wrapped around you holding you tightly.

“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to yell, I just can’t lose you, you’re my everything.”

“I-I’m sorry Tay, I-I just need you to help me, I can’t d-do this on my own.” You sobbed.

“Don’t you worry a little hair on your head princess, I’m here to help you with anything you need. First we’re going to get a proper meal into you. Then we’ll snuggle on the couch and watch movies all night.”

“Sounds perfect Tay.” You said smiling.

Carter: Carter held you as you sobbed into his chest, inhaling the sweet scent you’ve grown to know as home.

You cried and cried until you were empty. Carter hadn’t anything to you since you told him you cut.

“Why?” He questioned as he looked away from you, trying to hide the tears on his cheeks, trying to be strong for you.

“I felt worthless.” You stated simply. That was when Carter couldn’t hide it anymore, he started sobbing as he clutched onto you tightly not letting go.

“Shhhh, Carter. It’ll be ok, I’ve already talk to a psychologist. I’m starting to feel like myself again.”

“That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” He said right before grabbing your face and pulling you in for a kiss.

Aaron: “Here Y/N.” Aaron said passing you a donut.

“Ahh, no thanks babe, I’m still full from breakfast.” You muttered the lie.

“Y/N, you didn’t even eat breakfast today, and now it’s 9pm. Why are you lying to me Y/N.”

“I can’t Aaron, I can’t be fat anymore, I deserve to starve for a bit.” You stated, finally letting someone know how broken you were inside.

“Y/N please, you can’t do this to yourself any more. Trust me I know what it’s like to want to lose weight badly. For years, I was known as the cute little chubby kid, I didn’t want to be that kid, so I lost some weight. But I never starved myself. And you shouldn’t either. Besides you are literally perfect Y/n, you shouldn’t change because I love you the way you are.”

“Oh Aaron, I love you so much.” You said jumping into his arms kissing him.

“I love you too beautiful.”

Shawn: You sat Shawn down on the couch. You figured it was time he knew, you guys had been dating for 6 months now.

You really didn’t know how or where to start.

“You saved me Shawn.”

“What?” He questioned, giving you a quizzical look.

“When I was younger I was about to end it all, I was tired of the kids at school and my shitty family. I wanted to end my life, and I was ready to. That’s when I found you on vine. You made me feel like I was a part of something, like I belonged, like I was wanted. I instantly felt happier.  Could ignore the kids at school while I listened to you through my earphones. I could ignore the fights at home because I had you there for me. I stopped cutting because of you Shawn. You saved me Shawn.” You repeated.

Shawn just sat there with a glazed look in his eyes, like he was trying to process all the information you had just given him.

“Wow.” He finally said. “Wow.” He said again.

“Yes Shawn ‘Wow’.” You giggled softly.

All Shawn could do was pull you into a tight hug and whisper in your ear how proud he was of you for overcoming your troubles.

a/n: wow I used a whole box of Kleenex while writing this bc I literally cried the whole time while writing this

if any of you have self harm issues please know that I think youre beautiful and your fav totally digs you

please don’t keep it to yourself, let someone know, talk to someone, heck come talk to me cause ill swaddle you up in fuzzy blankets and cuddle you