‘i really don’t deserve you’
It was not the first time he has acted like an asshole for absolutely no reason at all. He used to do that all the time, but most of the times all I did was to ignore it and continue doing my thing. Ever since the band has taken off and started to get pretty significant places in the music industry his Attitude has been slowly changing and going in steps, first his assistants, then most of his managers, going all the way up to some of his family members and in the last two weeks, me.
Of course, I blame his fame, the stress and pressure of social media combined it made his entire personality changed drastically, or how other people would consider the right name for it, the fame got to his head, and it was starting to bother me, not in a soft or good way.
It was completely true that at this point it was starting to turn completely annoying but today was going to be what hopefully would be what fixed his mind and he would be the same Ashton he used to be. His birthday was finally here, and I knew he has been waiting for it for quite a while. 23 years seemed like a lifetime, and he had many good years to go. Everything was already planned out, I’ve been doing it for the past weeks and everything will be just perfect.
The alarm started ringing at 9 o'clock like every morning, and Ashton was annoyed by it the moment he heard it. Not opening his eyes but trying to reach for it with his hand, while I moved on the bed and reached it myself, turning it down and moving a bit closer to him. Giving him a hug.
“Do you really had to turn that thing on today?” He groans, pressing his eyes together even more. “For god’s sake, I’m very hungover (Y/n)”
I frown and ignore his annoyance, cuddling closing to him and hopefully making him feel a little better.
“I’m sorry” I pout and kiss his cheek “it’s your birthday!” I cheer in a soft voice “Happy birthday love”
He turns around and smiles a little, leaning up and pecking my lips “thanks, baby” he says leaning back on the bed “I’m old”
“Yeah, you need to stop growing” I joke “you’re closer and closer to your 30’s everytime” I say “stop it”
he chuckles “i wish i could” he says, rubbing his face with his hand “Okay i’m up now”
“Good” i smile to him and sit on the bed “How do you feel?”
“Old and hungover” he jokes he blindly looks for my hand under the sheets and takes it, so i pull him over a little so he could take a seat beside me “Hey, where’s my birthday kiss?”
i smile and lean a little bit pressing our lips together and giving him a nice morning kiss “Happy birthday” i mumble “I love you”
“Thanks babe, i love you too” he says “You look happy” he comments with a smile
“i am happy” i say with a proud smile “My baby is turning 23, I’m really happy”
he leans over pressing our lips together. “and i like that you are happy” he mumbles.
“It’s gonna be a fun day, i promise” i state. it was definitely going to be an interesting day.
It took me a while to figure it out to find the right outfit for today, also it took me a little bit to figure myself out, i was very very excited with all the surprises i had for him today, i couldn’t wait to see his face when he knew.
I had the entire day already planned for us, he is been working non-stop lately and barely had time for anything during the day, that’s why i decided to take him out to his favorite restaurant and buy him a nice meal to then take him to a really beautiful park i found not long ago and then at night, i had a big and awesome surprise party planned for him, it took some time but everything is going to be perfect and i will make sure nothing goes wrong.
I fix my dress before checking myself in the mirror one last time, i head out of the bedroom and walk downstairs. i hear him on the phone laughing and throwing out a repetitive conversation that he had already had various times today but still he was happy to do it.
“Thanks man! thank you very much” he smiles and turns to look at me, giving me a smile “When is it? oh…” he says, i see him extend his arm, silently telling me to come by his side and i do.
he slides his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, making me sit on his lap while he continued his phone call.
“Where?” he asks “oh great” he says after the other person on the phone gives a couple of words “I’ll be here then… oh well, it’s not a problem at all, see you later then” he says
He hangs the call, i look at him with a curious smile and kiss him cheek “What’s up?”
he shakes his head and smiles at me “Nothing much” he smiles “You look beautiful”
i smile “Thanks” i say “Who was it on the phone?” i ask curiously leading hand to his curl and caressing them
“oh it was Jeff, remember him? the one who does comedy stuff…” he says
i nod and smile “of course”
“Well” he starts “he and his girlfriend just told me that they are going to this really awesome festival and they told me I could come along, the guys are coming too! it’s great!”
i gasp and smile, i have never been to a festival, i heard it is really fun “Wow! that’s so cool at what time are we going?” i ask happily
“um, well, It’s kind of me going because…There’s just one ticket”
“Are you serious?” I say on a very quiet and surprised one “Are you fucking serious?” I ask again with a hint of anger in my voice.
“What?” he says like it was nothing “I’m going out with my friends on my birthday, what’s the matter?”
I can not believe him “You are going out with your friends to a festival when i was planning on taking you somewhere really nice” i repeat the situation to myself “you know? i don’t mind the fact you are doing that, but i do mind that you aren’t even going to try to take me with you”
“Ugh (Y/n), don’t be dramatic” he rolls his eyes at me. “it’s not my fault”
“I am not being dramatic! i am just saying, you’re totally excluding me and i am your girlfriend” i fight, now being totally angry “that totally shows how much you want me there for you” i say sarcastically.
“It’s not my fault! i wasn’t the one planning this shit, don’t blame me” he yells and turns around getting up from the couch and moving me aside “you are not the only one who is not going, Mitchy isn’t going either”
“Well, Mitchy has a ton of other things to do lately, it’s obvious he is not going!” i say still not believing any of this “i bet even your freaking ex-girlfriend is going” i groan
“yeah, So what?” he says annoyed
“She’s a bitch!” i yell, it was obvious “She made out with literally 5 guys on the same night! and 2 of them being our friends”
“it’s her business” he says rolling his eyes
“i know, but i don’t want her being all over you” i roll my eyes.
“What does that has to do with anything?” he says being very annoyed at me. “Look if you are really going to act like a brat because there is only one ticket for a festival and i am the one being invited, please at least do it behind my fucking back because i really don’t wanna hear it” he spats at me
my mouth widens and barely any words come out of my mouth. “Excuse me?” i say being very offended “I am not acting like a brat, Ashton, please understand, i don’t care you are going out with your friends! but i had something special planned for you and you are ditching me right now and you don’t even care, I really wanted to spend the day with you”
he rolls his eyes “You know? you don’t have to be around me all the damn time” he says, his words hit me like knives “i have a life and friends, i don’t need a clingy girlfriend”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have one then” i fight being too mad to even think about anything.
“Fine” he says shrugging and walking over to the front door, picking up his jacket and belongings on the way.
“Fine” i repeat.
“Fine!” he yells getting out of the house, the door blasting behind him.
Oh shit, was this a breakup? Are we over? What is this?
i am so screwed. i am very screwed.
“Are you sure about this?” i hear Luke’s voice over the phone, the music blasting behind him but sounding muffled by some kind of barrier. “He sounded pretty serious of you guys being over or something, he’s mad”
i sigh. i have been crying like an idiot the entire day because of the events, but it wasn’t time to back up. “I am sure” i speak softly holding my phone close to my ear “Yeah sure we said some things but I’ve been planning this party for weeks and i mean… it’s his birthday” i say shyly
“I don’t know…” he says doubting a little.
“Please Luke” i whine already starting to be desperate “Just convince everyone to come to The Nice guy and call me 5 minutes before you get here, piece of cake”
he chuckles “He is very mad at you, you know?”
i sigh. i didn’t want to remember any of these, it was hard already the fact that i was single but the fact that i still loved him and i was hurt, it’s still his birthday i still want to do something nice to him. “I know” i mumble trying to evict any tears to come out. "I still want him to have a nice birthday though after I got on his nerves, I just… want him to have a little fun tonight"
I swear I could almost hear him thinking from here and all I wanted is to give him a big hug after his words “We’ll be out of in 30” he says “I will call you when we are two block away from the place”
“Oh my god” I breath “thanks, thank you Luke” I say letting out a laugh of joy “thank you, thank you”
“No problem” he says kindly “see you there then” and hangs up the call
No words can explain how happy i was when he finally accepted. At the same time I was a bit scared, even though today’s fight between Ashton and I wasn’t our biggest fight, I ended up bad for us, he claimed to be ‘fine’ with our break up which now makes me wonder If he really meant it or not. I really hope not, it would be so heartbreaking to end things with him, he’s been by my side for a while now.
i walk out of the bathroom and look around trying to find Mitchy somewhere, i dont take long to find him, he was right in the same spot where i told him to wait for me.
“Hey” i say smiling and touching his shoulder.
“Hi, how did it go?” he asks
“it was good, they are coming in about 30 minutes” i say smiling.
he nods “Great, are you nervous?” he asks me curiously
“Very” I say biting on my lip as a nervous habit “What if we are actually not together anymore?” I say being really nervous
He shakes his head “After all of these years? Cmon (Y/n) I don’t think he’s gonna end things with you over a stupid fight” he assures being really confident "now cmon, cheer up a little, don’t think too much, have a drink and relax”
I sigh and nod “thanks Mitch, I really needed a bit of support”
He smiles at me “no problem, that’s what friends are for” he says leaning a bit, kissing my cheek softly and walking back “I’ll get you a drink”
i thank him as he walks away from me. i was truly nervous for this, that fear of actually being single and losing the one i love was killing me inside, but it hurt me more and more everytime i think about it, by this time he could be cheating on me with some chick on that festival not even remembering that i exist, or he could be getting completely drunk and trying to convince one of his friends to let him stay at one of their places to not see me anymore. i really am hoping i am wrong and it is just me over thinking every single thing.
the minutes seem like hours and by the time the 30 minutes have passed i was already done with 3 of my drinks, being a bit tipsy by now. I didn’t want to speak to anyone on the party i was too nervous thinking on what to say when he gets here.
my phone vibrates on my little purse and i instantly pick it up.
“Talk to me” i say on a weird desperate voice.
“We are two blocks away” Luke voice says “Ash is on the other car so he has no idea”
i nod and mumble “Okay” hanging the call-up. running through the crowd making a weird motion with my hand trying to get the DJ’s attention, he already knew what to do.
the guy behind the panel stops the music when he sees and understands what i am trying to say “Alright everyone, the Birthday guy is almost here, turn off the lights and quiet down, this is a surprise party”
I manage to get on the front of the crowd while everyone gathered at the front door waiting for the guys to come from that door. at this moment I was very anxious and my hands were sweating like crazy, also the alcohol in my body was starting to make an effect on me I was hoping it didn’t made me say stupid things later. Before I could even notice, the lights were turned down and the room was completely silent waiting for the birthday boy.
I see people walking to the entrance and crossing the door. I see Luke’s face and then Ashton’s, he looks chill, the moment he crosses the door the lights are turned on and confetti falls off the ceiling while everyone yelled. “SURPRISE!”
His face was blank and at first he seemed confused by all of these people staring at him. He smiles and laughs seeing all of those familiar faces of his friends.
“Oh my god” he says, some of his friends walk up to him and give him hugs “thank you guys, who did all of this? Wow”
Mitch goes and gives him a hug. “All thanks to your girlfriend buddy”
“You did all of this?” He says being very surprised. His mouth being wide open.
I shyly smile looking down “I did” i shrug “it was a real trouble to manage getting the place, food, and everything but I did it!”
I say being excited on my last phrase “surprise” I add and smile to him.
His look soften and he walks up to me, not touching me but holding a straight look at me while I desperately waited for his next words. “You didn’t have to” he said looking around and then looking back at me, he seems to be unsure on if he should take my hands or not but he does anyways. Holding them tightly between his. “I feel really bad- you didn’t have to”
“I-It’s okay I don’t-” I stutter.
“No, (Y/n), Listen” he interrupts me “I feel bad, back at home I acted like a douche and you still managed to do all of this for my birthday-”
“I wanted you to have a birthday party” I say shyly
“I am so sorry” he says in sincere words “What we said bad there, I really don’t want us to break up and I am so sorry I excluded you” he explains “I feel
Awful and I really want to make it up to you, okay?”
I smile a little, those words were music to my ears “thank you” I say smiling and hug him. For the first time in the entire day being able to hold him this close to me “I am sorry too”
“No, love, you don’t have to be sorry” he mumbles kissing my forehead “I am sorry it won’t happen again”
He holds me in his arm and he stay silent for a couple of minutes enjoying each other’s company, no one came over to interrupt us and that was just perfect. After this awful day of overthinking and worrying, he was finally here and we were fine, just fine.
“I really don’t deserve you” he mumbles close to my ear.
I put my hand on his chest and move him back a little. “What?” I say not understanding.
“I don’t deserve you” he repeats “you do all these nice things to me, and I treat you like… like I did before. I really don’t deserve you, you’re too good for me”
I shrug and shake my head “Ashton no..”
“It’s true” he says
“Maybe a little but listen, I love you, okay?, you work a lot and you stress, I know you might have changed because of that, but you are the same Ashton and I love you” I say to him taking his head in my hands and placing a kiss on his lips “I love you”
He smiles a little and kiss me back, I could almost feel how our relationship was getting better and better. That’s all I needed.
“How do you do it?” He ask when we finally separate from the kiss
“Do what?” I ask chuckling a bit.
“Just…Deal with my shit, how do you do that?” He asks shaking his head acting like he could not believe me.
“Ash” I say taking his face in my hands “You are the best human being I have ever meet and I don’t care how many times we fight, I still love you so much” I say speaking very clearly
“Wow” he says a bit surprised.
“What?” I ask with a smile.
“I love you so fucking much”