i dont understand god how are we supposed to deal with all of this

Bikinis and Sunshine

Originally posted by bringmesomepie56

Pairing: Dean x plus sized!Reader
Word count: 877
Warnings: Swearing, insecurity, fat shaming

Part 4 of Fat and Beautiful


The morning after your date, you woke up in Dean’s arms for the first time in two weeks. That day, you were moved back into the room that you had shared with him. While he understood that things weren’t perfect, just having you back in his arms at night meant the world to him.

You continued to work with Sam, enjoying the feeling it gave you. Dean agreed that you should keep it up as long as it made you happy. When out on a case, you did simple things around the motel room.

A month after your date, a case took you mere minutes from the beach. Dean’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. You, on the other hand, felt like you’d throw up. It wasn’t like your insecurities would go away overnight, things took time. And it wasn’t like wearing a bathing suit was something that you did often. In fact, you never really needed to.

Your second morning there, Dean surprised you. “Looks like this morning is going to be spent on the beach, baby.” He beamed.

“Dean…” You sighed. “If you want to go check out the hot chicks, go right ahead.”

He pouted. “I bought you a bathing suit.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Was hoping to work on the case, show off my girlfriend.” Dean held up a small bag and you raised an eyebrow at him. “Please?”

You grabbed the bag from him. “Sam learned those puppy eyes from you, Dean Winchester.” You teased, making him grin. “Dork.” You smiled, kissing him softly. “I’ll be out shortly…” With a small sigh, you went into the bathroom to change. Talk about moving out of your comfort zone.

Keep reading

Exposed

Description: Sometimes the guys can’t keep secrets. Sometimes that’s okay.

Genre: Fluff, High School! AU

Pairing: Oh Sehun x reader

Word Count: 2,779

Originally posted by luedeer


I’d been here at Baekhyun’s house for two hours, listening to the guys drone on and on about lame guy stuff. I didn’t quite know what they were talking about right now. I had tuned them all out awhile ago. It was me and four of the guys: Jongin, Chanyeol, Baek, and Kyungsoo. I loved them, but not enough to listen to them talk about… sports?

“But yo, when are tryouts?” I heard Chanyeol ask to no one in particular. Baekhyun answered almost immediately. “Next Thursday, but you have to have an updated physical and gear.” Chanyeol groaned. “That’s not even the best part. The gear has to be brand new. Literally fresh off the shelves and directly to the field or you practically won’t be allowed to tryout.” Baek’s statement made Chan groan louder. “Ugh, I hate tryout season. Like honestly, what’s wrong with the gear we already have? I literally replaced all my equipment last season. More importantly, what if we don’t even make the team. Then we have all this spanky new gear for nothing!” He ranted.

Kyungsoo spoke next. He didn’t speak often when they had conversations like this, but when he did it was good. “You suck at baseball, so you’re the only one that has to worry about that.” This made all the guys erupt into laughter, and even I broke out into a small giggle. Chan’s face turned red, partly from embarrassment. “Aye, leave him alone. At least he can make it to tryouts Mr.I’m-too-scared-to-tryout-for-basketball-so-I’m-just-gonna-hideout-in-the-library.” Kyungsoo gave Jongin a death glare. “That’s not what happened you doof. I had a stupid research paper to finish and the coaches made me go to the library to work on it.” Jongin cowered as Kyungsoo spoke. I didn’t know why though. Jongin was the only one that could get away with saying stuff like that it him. It was obvious that he had a soft spot for him. “Yeah, leave him alone guys. Besides, even if he could try out, he’s too short to make a basket.” Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate to jerk on a strand of Baekhyun’s hair as the guys burst into another bout of laughter. The digs the guys got on Kyungsoo was what usually got them the most riled up, mainly because it didn’t happen often seeing as how nobody wanted to get killed by one of his death stares.

I honestly couldn’t stand listening to them go on. “Can you guys not be so boring? I’m practically falling asleep.” All the guys looked at me with playful annoyance. “Did we ask you to speak?” Baekhyun asked, mocking a face of disgust. “Cause I don’t recall.”

“Aye, I don’t recall asking for permission to speak, not that I’d let any of you losers to grant me that right.”

The guys all let out in a chorus of “Ooooo.” Chanyeol was next to speak.“So sassy.” Baekhyun mumbled something under his breath right after him. I didn’t quite catch it all, but I caught some of it. “No wonder… on you…”

“Would you like to say that again Baek? Maybe a little louder?” I said, mocking a stern tone we’d all heard Baekhyun’s mother use with him. He was quite the sassafrass. He was constantly getting in trouble with his parents because he couldn’t stop himself from saying something sarcastic or snarky. He rolled eyes. “I SAID, NO WONDER OUR SASSY MAKNAE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!” He shouted even though we were all barely two feet away from each other. “Smartass.” I huffed crossing my arms. The guys got back into their previous conversation. I snatched my phone up from its place on the table behind us. I started mindlessly scrolling through social media. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular, I just wanted something to prevent me from going completely insane while the guys talked about… hockey?

I grabbed one of the cups off the table, and took a big gulp of the fizzy soda. No wonder our sassy maknae likes you. Baekhyun’s words from earlier popped back into my mind causing me to spit my drink out. It flew from my mouth and straight from my nostrils too. “Eww Y/n, what the fuck?” Chanyeol squealed. For someone so manly, he sure did squeal and scream alot. “sEHUN LIKES ME?!?!” Chanyeol nodded. He and Jongin started wiping the soda off the table, Baekhyun was drying himself off, and Kyungsoo had moved to the other side of the room. He’d just barely avoided getting soda spit on him because he had gotten up to fix himself more drink at the same time soda was spewing from my nose.

“He’s had feelings for you since like practically day one.” Jongin said just as he finished wiping off the table. “Yeah.” Baekhyun agreed. “It’s so obvious too. He’s always drooling over you when we’re all together.” My jaw dropped. There was no way in hell, Sehun, of all people, liked me. I had a major crush on him, and the universe was never ever kind enough to let your crush reciprocate feelings. I got a rag from the laundry room, wet it, and made sure the table was clean. Once I was done, I threw the rag back at Baekhyun for him to put it where it goes. Anytime any of us tried to help him straighten up the place he got upset.

“You guys can’t be serious.” I said. The guys loved to joke around, so I wholeheartedly believed this was another one of their pranks. “You should see the way he looks at you.” Kyungsoo stated, making his way back to the table once he was sure it was clean. “And when you’re not around, we can never get him to shut up about you. Y/n, this. Y/n, that. Makes me wanna slap the kid sometimes.” Jongin added. Something in me still didn’t quite believe them, but regardless I spilled my own feelings to them. “Well, I sorta maybe have feelings for him too.” I whispered, covering my face as soon as the words had left my lips.

“OH MY GOD! WE CAN SET YOU TWO UP!” Baekhyun screamed, jumping up and down in the process. Matchmaker, one of his favorite things to do. “No! He doesn’t know.” I said, feeling my face heat up. I knew exactly how the guys were, now that we were on this topic it would be awhile before we were on to something else. “You didn’t know how he felt about you, but look at you now.” Chanyeol said, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders as if this wasn’t sort of big deal. “Bye Yeollie, that’s different.” I whined, I was way too chicken to tell Sehun about my tiny, huge, crush on him. “Honestly, I’m content with him never knowing.” Before I had the chance to say anything else, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Jongdae.

From Dae: Okay but like dont hate me

From Dae: butttttttttttttttttt

From Dae: Something may or may not have slipped…

“I say you just waltz up to him and tell him how you feel.” Jongin suggested from his seat across from me at the table. “Jongin, that’s lame.” I said, quickly replying to the ominous text message I’d just received.

To Dae: Explain

“Or you could have one of us tell him, like me for example?” Baekhyun said, I was looking at him, but I could tell he was wearing the biggest grin of his life. “You only want to do it because you like being in other people’s business.” His first reply was a scoff. “Not true, I enjoy being kind and helping others around me.”

From Dae: SOOOO likeeeee

From Dae: I love you Y/n, you know that right??

I was starting to get impatient. What had he done this time? “Text him.” “Call him.” “Meet up with him. “Send him a letter.” “Send him an email.” “Send him a snapchat.” “Post in on Instagram.” “Slide in his DM’s.” The guys just starting shouting out suggestions. I couldn’t help but giggle as some of the options started to get ridiculous.

From Dae: Hunnie knows you like him

From Dae: dont kill me pls

I screamed as I typed out my reply. Jongdae was one of the first, and for a while the only, people to know about my crush on Sehun. The other was Yixing.

To Dae: HWO DOES SOEMTHIN LIKE THAT JUSST SLIP?!?!???!!??! >

To Dae: UGH im so gonna punch you next time I see you

To Dae: ur such a punk, i hate you

I didn’t notice, but the guys, all except for Baekhyun who moved to the other room to take a phone call, had moved behind me to peek over my shoulder. They were reading my messages. “Whelp, looks like you don’t even gotta worry about telling him now.” Chanyeol laughed, ruffling my hair, something he knew I hated with a passion. I punched his shoulder for revenge. “Leave me alone you crusty heathen.” I said, pushing the red haired giant away from me. He stumbled, and hit his side on the kitchen counter. I could tell the blow to his hip hurt, Chanyeol burst into a fit of giggles. He was so odd.

“Hey guys,” Baekhyun said. He tossed his phone back on the table, where it was pre-phone call. “Sehun and the others are coming over. Also what do you guys want to eat.” The four shouted food suggestions at Baekhyun. I didn’t understand how he understood all the clamour, but I was more focused on the fact that Sehun would be here any minute

From Dae: i luv you tho :’(

From Dae: Also we’re coming to Baek’s

Hearing the fact again made me scream.

To Dae: I KNOW

I pretty much continued screaming even though about thirty minutes had passed. I screamed even more when I heard a knock on the door. Luckily it only turned out to be the pizza we had ordered. We were supposed to wait for everyone to get here, but I was so anxious it was making me hungry. I ended up scarfing down close to a whole pizza by myself.

We always get like five orders of breadsticks, and I ate about one and a half of those. They weren’t even that good, but I was so nervous to see Sehun I couldn’t stop myself. I actually began pacing around the room as we awaited the other guys’ arrival. I was shook beyond belief. How was he gonna react? What was he gonna say? Was he even going to talk to me? Was everything going to be awkward the rest of the night? I didn’t know what to do, so when another knock came to the door I ended up screaming once more and hiding in Baekhyun’s room. I could hear Chanyeol laugh at me as I did so, but I didn’t care.

To Dae: Meet me in Baekhyun’s room ASAP

I assumed he got my message when about ten minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I had locked it just in case. “Open up!” He shouted through the door. I hurriedly unlocked it and went back to pacing. “Jongdae, I can barely breathe!” I uttered, my nerves causing my hands to start shaking. “Is that so?” I expected to hear Jongdae’s voice, but instead I was met with that of Sehun’s much deeper one. “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!” I screamed for the umpteenth time today. “The guys pushed me in here and said they wouldn’t let me out until we talked, so here I am.” I didn’t know what to do or say. Literally the only thing I could think to do was scream. But that was off the table considering I didn’t think the guys wanted to hear me do that again.

le boyz gc: I hate all of you

Eventually Sehun broke the silence which was different seeing as how besides Kyungsoo, he was the quietest out of all the guys.

“How long have you liked me?”

I almost choked because of his boldness. I mean leave it to Sehun to get straight to the point. “What do you mean?” I laughed nervously. “I’ve never liked you.” I’ve liked you since middle school.

“Don’t lie to me.” He said casually, moving from leaning against the bedroom door to sitting on Baekhyun’s bed. “Jongdae told me you’ve had a crush on me for a while now.” I mentally cursed Jongdae. Remind me not to tell any of the guys if I ever develop a crush on literally ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

.“For the record, I’ve liked you since that first time we all hung out at Chanyeol’s place.” I tried thinking back to the first time we ever went to Chan’s house. It was quite hard to manage seeing as how we’re always either at his or Baekhyun’s house. “What’s so special about us hanging out that one time?” I asked, trying to avert from the subject of me liking him. “I don’t know really.” He started. He stopped looking at me, and focused all his attention on his twiddling thumbs. “Just something about you struck out to me. It made me what to get to know you better.” “Are you glad you did?” I asked in a small voice. Sehun nodded vigorously. “It was the best decision I ever made to be honest.”

I could feel a warmth course through my body at his words. Now I have to tell him. I took a deep breath and finally spilled the truth. “I’ve had a crush on you since before high school. And ever since then just the thought of you makes me happy beyond belief.” I puffed, still not wanting to admit my true feelings for him. I looked over at Sehun. His entire face was lit up in result of what I’d told him. But he went for beaming to smirking in two seconds flat. He sat up off the bed, and stood about a foot away from me. “See how easy that was.” I punched his arm, causing him to start laughing. “Leave me alone.” After those words, he pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my head in his chest. I was able to get a whiff of his cologne, it was strong but not too overbearing. It was pleasant, but at the same time it was a savory scent. I didn’t want him to let go anytime soon, however we jumped away from each other as we heard Baekhyun yell “THEY BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN MY ROOM, ON MY BED!!” and the door swing open.

The guys piled into the doorway. “Ew, look at the lovebirds.” Minseok teased from the front of the huddle. His words caused both Sehun and I to turn bright red from embarrassment. “I bet they were making out.” Chanyeol butted in, sticking his head farther into the room. “Shut up Chan!” I said, covering up my face as it got even brighter.

“Come on guys, pizza’s getting cold and we’re about to put on a movie.” Junmyeon said. I gave him an understanding nod. I went to speak, but before I could Jongin interrupted me. “Oh Y/n’s not hungry. She practically ate like three pizzas before you guys got here. Sehun had her super stressed out.” Everyone broke out into laughter, causing all my embarrassment levels to skyrocket. I buried my face in my hands, so no one would see just how red my face was getting. “It was more like one, let me live.” I pouted. Sehun wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me closer to him. “It’s okay babe.” He whispered in my ear. I ended up smiling like an idiot at his words. The guy I like just called me babe. What a world!

“Stop being gross, you’ve been together for like five seconds.” Baekhyun said, wearing an over exaggerated look of disgust. I couldn’t help but shake my head at him. We hadn’t talked about us actually dating yet. “Hey you guys, we should choose tonight’s movies carefully. The two love birds might get a little risky throughout them.” Kyungsoo said from the middle of the crowd of guys. This time Sehun and I joined in on the guy’s laughter. One by one, everyone eventually turned around and left the bedroom. Sehun and I exited the room, his arm still draped around my shoulder. Before we got into the living room, he placed a kiss on my forehead. Maybe we weren’t together just yet, but I could definitely get used to this.

Fandom wars is fucking bullshit

My brother died only 6 weeks ago.

I got drunk a few nights ago and sobbed over him.

Everytime I think I can get back to normal, something triggers a break down.

I have also been mentally ill for a decade, as well as surviving a toxic, abuse situation for…oh god…even longer than a decade…

My coping mechanism is to delve into fantasy to escape, and enjoy certain characters that have this woobie effect for me ( I see myself as broken, bad, and wanting to be saved/save myself)

hence why I love characters like Kylo Ren. I relate to them. And no one gets to tell me I can’t identify with a character.

But he has (baffilingly so) become so politicized, and people who like him as a character are called nazis… and I can’t even fucking deal with it.

Tumblr was supposed to be the one website that is more progressive, and open about fandoms (any just different kinds of people in general), and just full of better people–so I wished.

If bigoted assholes call Tumblr users “sjws” I am proud because I love those kinds of more progressive, inclusive, diverse people. And I am a proud “sjw”.

But When I show my love for just a dumb character from a fake world, I get fucking attacked over the most trivial things.

I recently tried to reach out to explain to certain people why it’s not cool, and outright damaging to engage in this “call out” culture, or or fandom wars or shipping wars, which only makes things so fucking nasty and intolerable for everyone….

 I cited my brother’s death…my abuse from childhood…and why the nastiness just pushes traumatized people further into the fringes, to the brink of explosion (which is where I am at as i type this, in tears, clutching a wine bottle)….

Hell, the night before the wake was the first time I would see his body since the accident….My stomach was in knots, but I scrolled through Kylo Ren fanart and fanfic and it grounded me.

If anything…life is too short to keep spreading negativity…to keep living in it….

I feel like I am back in highschool….all the abuse my mother and my peers lashed upon me (To the point of self harm and an eating disorder)…and I couldn’t escape…i suffocated…And when I sought help for it…people told me to stop whining…My problems werent real…They gaslit the shit out of me

I feel like a child again….helpless…wanting to scream but my mouth is sewn shut.

And this person actually told me even though I was an abuse survivor, and am using certain characters as a coping mechanism…I need to stop liking what I like (I guess because I am not doing things the way this person would do things) Because MY way is wrong and THEIR way is right

This person actually told me not to cope….

Wow….

Fuck fandom/shipping wars and fuck this “call out” culture where everything is problematic and real people cease from being real people.

I wasn’t even trying to argue some higher minded ideology–rather, I was trying to get this person to understand my personal emotional standpoint and why their words hurt me (and also hurt other people). But they completely said “fuck you” to my trauma. It took me back…I was shocked….How someone could not even see my trauma as real, and how they didnt see me as a person.

You dont get to shit all over people like that….We arent even talkiing about real canon stuff here…It’s all fan made stuff!!!!

What happened!? Why and when did fandoms get so toxic!? So Problematic!?

What good does ANY of the discourse or vitriole or flippant attitudes about people’s pain do?

“Call Out” culture is never motivated by any real world important issues. These shit posters only ever want to be seen as the most enlightened, never motivated by empathy.

After you lose someone so young and so unexpectedly…it changes you…After you come to terms with your own childhood abuse…it changes you….You realize…so much of what we tear each other apart over…doesn’t matter….It doesnt matter….

If i died tomorrow…I don’t want to regret having been drowned in so much negativity and harassment. My brother taught me…we need to just embrace what makes us feel good–it could all be snatched away from you in a single second.

If the pain of my brother’s loss won’t move anyone to sympathy…how about we think of what Carrie Fisher would have done (The Queen of Star Wars)

Anything to do with shipping or fandom in general, Carrie would just giggle and encourage you to make some awesome fanart or fiction.

Can we do that from now on? Think…what would Carrie do?

@knights-of-ben-solo @psy-kylo-gy

LYRIC PROMPTS

Some Prompts that are lyrics from very cute and lovely songs. There are always two lines. One for Person A and one for Person B.

A

  •  „You ain’t no lady but you’ve sure got taste in men.“ – „But I’ve been told by friends of mine you’re someone I can trust.“ (AC/DC - Carry Me Home)
  • „You say you want the truth, but you can’t take it. So I give you lies.“ – „I won’t apologize to you anymore. Cause I’m a grown-ass man.“ (Adam Lambert – There I Said it)
  • „Everybody loves the things you do. From the way you talk to the way you move“ - „My God, this reminds me. Of when we were young.“  (Adele – When we Were Young)
  • „I don’t want to hurt you but I need to breathe!“ -  „At the end of it all, you’re still my best friend.“  (Alex Clare – Too Close)
  • „I’m getting sick of your bullshit attitude.“ – „Do you want me. Or do you want me dead?“  (All Time Low – Do You Want Me (Dead)?)
  • „Tell me how am I supposed to breathe. When losing you is choking me?“ – „I still remember that empty look left on your face.“ (The All-American Rejects – Heartbeat Slowing Down)
  •  „I’m so into you, I can barely breathe.“ – „A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that’s how I want it.“ (Ariana Grande – Into You)
  • „I want to show you who I really am.“ – „I wanna get to know you, talk all night.“ (Aura Dione – Masterpiece)
  • „Now don’t you tell me to leave you alone.“ – „I want you to touch me.“ (Avicii – Touch Me)
  • „I don’t like your girlfriend!“ – „I think we should get together now.“ (Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend)

B

  • „Add on that I’m a coward. Too scared to return your calls.“ – „Despite how silly it sounds. You’re bigger. Than me.“ (Backstreet Boys – Bigger)
  • „And you said you always had my back.“ – „I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore.“ (Bastille – Bad Blood)
  • „Who the fuck do you think I am?“ – „And keep your money, I’ve got my own.“ (Beyoncé – Don’t Hurt Yourself)
  • „And I’m too fucked up.“ – „But I know I’ll never be that cool.“ (Blink 182 – Apple Shampoo)
  • „They don’t think you’re all that cool. They like you for your step-dad’s pool.“ – „Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see.“ – (Bloodhound Gang – Uncool As Me)
  • „I really want you to really want me, but I really don’t know if you can do that.“ – „And you’re listening to the sound of my breaking heart.“ – (James Blunt – I Really Want You)
  • „For the love of god, will you bite your tongue.“ – „I think it’s time you knew the truth.“ – (Bring Me The Horizon – Go To Hell, For Heaven’s Sake.)
  • „My mouth is shut, my lips are sealed.“ – „I should have turned and walked away.“ (Billy Talent – The Crutch)
  • „Don’t believe me just watch.“ – „Gotta kiss myself I’m so pretty.“ (Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk)
  • „Don’t try and heal me when I’m broken.“ – „This might be hard to hear.“ (Bullet For My Valentine – Broken)

C

  • „It’s way too soon, I know this isn’t love.“ – „But I need to tell you something.“ (Carly Rae Jepsen – Really Like You)
  • „I’ve been waiting all night long to know your name.“ – „You’ve been so cold.“ (Chris Brown – I’ll call ya)
  • „I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes.“ – „Let me take another selfie.“ (The Chainsmokers - #Selfie)
  • „Don’t you ever say I just walked away.“ – „I will always want you.“ (Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball)

D

  •  „There are so many things that I don’t understand.“ – „I’ve been, for sometime, looking for someone.“ (Daft Punk  - Within)
  • „Leave him alone, let him go!“ – „Only you can stop the pain.“ (David Guetta – Used To Be The One)
  • „Can’t you act your age“ - „It’s not my fault you’ll never be happy.“  (A Day To Remember – Best Of Me)
  • „And all that I want is forgiveness one more time.“ – „To be the best in the world.“ (Disturbed – Just Stop)

E

  • „Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00.“ – „Don’t fuck with my love.“ (Ed Sheeran – Don’t)
  • „You shoot me once, you shoot me twice.“ – „Let me show you what I’m talking about.“ (Enrique Iglesias)
  • „I’m on my own.“ – „I think I’m falling and there’s no return.“ (Enter Shikari – One True Colour)

F

  • „I’m just a notch in your bedpost.“ – „I’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear.“ (Fall Out Boy – We’re Going Down)

G

  • „All that I remember is that you had me at hello.“ – „What happened? Did it happen? Last night.“ (Good Charlotte – Last Night)
  • „I heard you crying loud.“ – „You’ve been thinking about ditching me.“ (Green Day – When i come around)
  • „
It’s a mystery how you sleep at night.“ – „
I give you so many chances, but you screw them all up.“ (Gossip – I Won’t Play)

H

  • „Baby just don’t close your heart.“ – „It’s all going wrong.“ (HIM – Don’t close your Heart)

I

  • Come with me and we will run away.“ – „I am all you adore, lately.“ (Imagine Dragons – Hear Me)

J

  • „If you don’t want me to leave then don’t push me away.“ – „I’m gonna stay.“ (James Morrison – Dont Wanna Love Me)
  • „How much I adore those pretty eyes of yours.“ – „Can you love me for a lifetime or just one night.“ (Jennifer Lopez – Baby I Love You)
  • „I’m gonna be be good so tell me that you’re gonna be good too.“ – „I’m gonna treat you right.“ (Jonas Brothers – BB Good)
  • „'Cause I’m missing more than just your body.“ – „I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.“ (Justin Bieber – Sorry)
  • „Beautiful smile with those sad eyes.“ – „I don’t know why you’d leave me alone.“ (Justin Timberlake – Amnesia)

K

  • „You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal.“ – „You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal.“ (Katy Perry – Ur So Gay)
  • „Never thought that you would be the one.“ – „Maybe you shouldn’t Kiss ‘n’ tell.“ (Ke$ha – Kiss N Tell)
  • „Taking me higher than I’ve ever been before.“ – „You’re just another day that keeps me breathing.“ (Kiesza – Hideaway)

L

  • „I just want you alone“ - „It wasn’t love, it wasn’t love.“ (Lady Gaga – Perfect Illusion)
  • „You say that you are proud of me.“ – „You’re not the one that you pretend to be.“ (Linkin Park – Pretend To Be)
  • „Forget that boy, I’m over it.“ – „Guess I should say thank you.“ (Little Mix – Shout Out To My Ex)

M

  • When I’m without you. I’m so insecure.“ – „Don’t let nobody touch it. Unless that somebody’s me.“ (Maroon 5 – Sugar)
  • „I have the loves of many men. But I don’t love any of them.“  - „Why do you cheat on me?“ (Metallica – Cheat On Me)
  • „I got a bulletproof heart.“ – „Let me be the one to save you.“ (My Chemical Romance – Bulletproof Heart)

N

  1. „And my heart feels a fool.“ – „Can’t stop thinking of you, cause I’m so jealous, baby.“ ( New Kids on the Block – Jealous)

O

  • „Counted all my mistakes and there’s only one.“ – „Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out.“ (One Direction – Where do Broken Hearts Go?)
  • „I can only be myself.“ – „I’ll never forget you.“ (Olly Murs – Tryna change me)
  • „But you confuse me.“ – „I said babe do you want to take it fast or slow?.“ (OneRepublic – The Less I Know)

P

  • „Do I look lonely?“ – „Am I the best you’ve ever had?“ (Panic! At The Disco – Death of a Bachelor)
  •  „Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.“ – „I cannot take any more.“ (P!nk – Stupid Girls)
  • „I know you like me.“ – „Let’s keep it friendly.“ (The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha)
  • „Hate is a strong word.“ – „Thought you thought that I was worth it.“ (Plain White T’s –Hate Really Don’t Like You)

Q

  •  „The Show must go on.“ – „Inside my heart is breaking.“ (Queen – The Show Must Go On)

R

  • „I forgot your birthday.“ – „I’m a mess.“ (The Rasmus – I’m A Mess)
  • „Show me what it is you believe in.“ – „Do you want to get up early in the morning?“ (Red Hot Chili Peppers – We Turn Red)
  • „Tell me why don’t you bring me flowers?“ – „Tell me why don’t you notice me?“ (Roxette – Why Don’t You Bring Me Flowers?)
  • „But we haven’t kissed for four days.“ – „If we go down, we’re going down together.“ (Robin Schulz – Titanic)
  • „I’m no good without you.“ – „Just love me.“ (Rihanna – Love On The Brain)
  • „Why are you not afraid?“ – „I have learned to stand up and just to walk away.“ (Rise Against – Beautiful Indifference)
  • „Come in and close the door.“ – „But now you know me so you know that I’d be lying.“ (Robbie Williams – Motherfucker)

S

  • „You say I’m crazy.“ – „I know I’m not the only one.“ (Sam Smith – Not The Only One)
  • „Why do you say things. If you do not mean them.“ – „And now i can’t sleep.“ (Shakira – Cut Me Deep)
  • „I found a note with another name.“ -  „I can’t bite my tongue forever.“ (Simple Plan – Your Love Is A Lie)
  • „I’m talking to myself.“ – „Forgot what I just said.“ (Sum 41 – All Messed Up)
  • „I can break your heart.“ – „you think you are to good for anyone.“ (Sunrise Avenue – I Can Break Your Heart)

T

  • „You look like my next mistake.“ – „'Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.“ (Taylor Swift – Blank Space)
  • „I never sleep.“ – „I wish I knew what it was like.“ (Three Days Grace – I Am Machine)
  • „I am not as fine as I seem, pardon.“ – „The game is not played alone.“ (Twenty One Pilots – Migraine)

U

  • „I swear to tell the truth.“ – „But I guess my love wasn’t good enough.“ (Usher – Guilty)

V

  • „Did you say the thing you wanted?“ – „Have you ever felt in love?“ (Volbeat – Goodbye Forever)

W

  • „You’re only looking for attention.“ – „What do you expect now?“ (The Weeknd – Attention)
  • „Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me?“ – „And he doesn’t give a damn about me.“ (Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag)

Z

  • „I’d love to wake up next to you.“ – „So we’ll piss off the neighbours.“ (Zayn Malik – Pillowtalk)

#

  • „What happened to just messing around?“ „I’ll break your Heart“ (The 1975 – Girls)
  • „He treats you so bad and I’m so good to you it’s not fair.“ – „Thanks for being a friend.“ (5 Seconds of Summer – Heartbreak Girl)
They’re Better Than You Are P.1 (Rob Benedict x Reader)

A/N: Hey guess what. It was @waywardswain ‘s birthday earlier this week and you all get to enjoy her birthday present. 

Part 2 will be uploaded way later tonight! Hope you enjoy part 1!

 Summary: You and Rob are married, but you’re going through a really rough patch. You play Metatron on Supernatural, (female Metatron), and the time has come for the two of you to film “Don’t Call Me Shurley”.

Pairing: Rob x Reader

Word Count: 1,298

Warning: Angst, Fighting, Emotional Hurt, Fluff

You and the gang sat in Briana’s hotel room, the annual after party since the Saturday Night Special was over. You were sitting on the hotel bed, by yourself, while there were groups of people around the room just talking, enjoying the night.

Rob was sitting on the other side, talking to Rich as he was fiddling with a guitar. The two of you were ignoring each other tonight, having gotten into another fight earlier that day. By this point, however, you couldn’t even remember what the fight was about.

“Everything alright, Y/N?” asked Matt, sitting down next to you on the bed. Matt and you were best friends; he could tell when things were off. Especially when you could even tell you were staring at your husband just a little too long.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. Long day, I guess.” you said, leaning your head on his shoulder.

Matt sighed, knowing that you and Rob were having a rough patch at the moment.

“C’mon, let’s head to my room. We’ll talk.” said Matt, standing up and reaching out his hand for you to grab. You smiled, grateful at the action. You grabbed his hand, walking out.

You didn’t realize Rob was watching the two of you behind you.

“What’s up?” asked Matt, sitting down in a chair in his hotel room. You sat across from him on the bed.

“I don’t even know Matt. He won’t speak to me today; I can’t even remember what we fought about earlier, it was so small. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells just to be in the same room as him at this point.”

Matt sighed, walking over to sit next to you. You glanced up at him, already feeling the tears well up in your eyes. Matt opened his arms; you fell into them immediately, breaking down in tears.

Matt looked down at you, trying to comfort you the best way he could as he rubbed your back. The two of you have known each other since you were kids, and he wanted nothing more than to just go and punch Rob into sanity. But, he knew better.

Pulling yourself together for a moment, you sat up, just wanting to get these words out to someone, finally tell someone how you had been feeling.

“When Rob and I first got married, I made a promise to myself. I told myself we were gonna be better, I told myself that I wasn’t gonna let us end up like his parents. I told myself we were gonna be different.” I paused, looking at Matt.

“Have I let him down, Matt?”

Matt stood up, again sitting back down in the chair in front of you, taking your hands.

“You will get through this, Y/N; I promise you this right now. I don’t know what’s up with Rob, and I wish I had the way to fixit but you know I don’t. But no, you did not let him down, I promise you.”

“Then why do I feel like such a disappointment?”

Matt sighed, pulling you back into the hug. You needed to cry, and he knew that.

The two of you didn’t know, however, that Rob was standing outside the hotel room, hearing the sound of your tears that he caused. He tightened his fists in frustration, turning around, walking away from the door.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

“What do I owe the pleasure of this phone call, Thompson?”

“OH DO I HAVE THE SURPRISE FOR YOU.” You laughed, leaning up against the counter in your kitchen. It was early morning, and Robbie Thompson had just called you.

“What’s up?”

“Okay, so you’re flying out to film more of season 11 later this week, right?” asked Robbie, obviously eager to get his news out for you.

“Yeah, why?” You had been given a week off during the fiasco of the last convention and filming episode 20 of season 11. You hadn’t been given the script yet though.

“Okay, so, you should be getting episode 20 in the mail either today or tomorrow. Full episode, you and Rob. Yes, I said it! You heard me! I’m bringing Rob back.”

Your eyes went wide a bit, not really sure how to feel about this. You felt horrible for thinking this, but things had been getting so bad with Rob lately that you were actually looking forward to flying out to set. A break was a break.

But hey, maybe it would be good. You and Rob would be forced to spend time together, no matter how hard he was trying to ignore you. This will be good. You could make this work.

“Robbie Thompson, that’s fantastic!! He’ll be so excited to hear that!”

“The producers should be calling him any minute, but I wanted to tell you myself.”

“Thanks man, I can’t wait to see you and read it. And don’t worry, I won’t tell him. He can hear it from the producers ha.” You laughed a little, wanting it to be a surprise.

You hung up the phone with Robbie Thompson, sighing a little. Here it was; a chance to finally start on fixing your relationship with your husband. God knows you were taking it.

“Don’t tell me what?”

You jumped, turning around, not realizing Rob was even home, let alone in the same room as you to hear your side of the phone call.

Rob stood across from you, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame.

“Oh, hey babe! That was just a call from-.”

“Are you cheating on me?”

You stopped right were you were, flabbergasted that he would even think that. You took a breath, careful of your next choice of words. You didn’t want to make this worse than it already was.

“Rob, no. I am not cheating on you. The fact that you would even think that of me Rob-.”

“What am I supposed to think, Y/N? Secret phone calls? You running off with Matt all the time? Don’t even think I didn’t see how close the two of you were being at the last convention.” said Rob, already knowing full well that he was the cause of it. He was just snapping. For what reason? Well, not even he could tell you that.

But you were done with it. Done.

“Listen here, Rob Benedict. In the love that is all good and holy, you should know me better than to think that I would ever cheat on you, you hear me? I don’t know what’s been up with you these past few weeks, but you better open your eyes and realize you need to be here to fix it.”

You found yourself walking towards him, close enough that your finger was out pointing against his chest.

“How dare you think I would ever cheat on you? How. Fucking. Dare. You.”

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang. You sighed, turning around to answer it.

Opening the door, a FedEx man stood before you, handing you two packages. You knew what it was already, scripts for you and Rob each for season 11 episode 20.

“Thank you.” you said to the man, closing the door and turning back to Rob.

“You know what Rob? I’m done trying to get your attention. I’m done dealing with the fact that you’ve given up.” You shoved his script in his face.

“I’ll see you in Vancouver.”

Grabbing your already packed bag, you turned around, walking out of the door. You were done.

Just. Done.

TAGS: @laffytaffyhumor @hudine @fandom–0verdose @madame-marilyn @casgrl 

Tagging @i-dont-understand-that-url and @dont-hate-relate-pls for good measure 

POC fetization/ace struggles and fears

letmedrivemyvan-intoyourheart submitted: 

 I’m a black (never liked saying african American honestly what a mouthful) panromantic ace, and seeing as I just turned 18 it’s been pretty difficult to figure out my sexuality over the years without the constant ‘youre too young’ thing. Firstly I feel that’s bullshit, how is it with boys are jizzing their pants at the age of eleven, at 18 im too young to understand how i feel about my own body and its desires.

My story is pretty boring, I had big crushes but never any relationships. I only realized I was different when I started processing my friends behavior (i never put much faith in the medias depiction of romance). Mid high school I discovered asexuality and it instantly piqued my interest, but at the time my mental health was shoddy and familial support was bare so that wasnt my priority. Then my psychiatrist invalidated me when I told him i thought the ace community might fit me by saying I still have sexual urges. Bc he’s the doctor i assumed he was right and ended up super down over this for the next little while, especially when i //cough// tried masturbating.
Only last year i got a more solid hold of my gender/sexuality and it was honestly bc of porn. Usually when I tried to watch porn it took me (liTERALLY) at least an hour to find a video that didnt frighten, offend, or just turn me off, and even then I couldnt invest myself into being attracted to the media, most times i’d listen to the audio alone (then I discovered the grace of BL-CD’s). Literally every time I would try to watch porn id get distracted by the anatomy and start drawing or something and one day(okay over the course of several days) i was said ‘SCREW THIS. IM JUST NOT INTO IT.’
I’d never experienced sexual attraction but I didnt want to go back to my condescending doctor and that conversation so i spent a long time doing research. I tried to invalidate myself time and time again, my main reason being something my friend said. “You’re just insecure.” She accepts me now but i will probably never forget those words because it constantly has me questioning whether my sexuality could just by a hyped up byproduct of my mental illness. I did have a minor revelation moment though after that. A boy had been flirting with me and at the time I had been trying to convince myself that I was cishet so I flirted back. I ended up getting stoned at his house; nothing sexual happened, in fact we didnt even kiss (mostly bc I didnt move and inch from my spot on the bed). This wasn’t the revelation part tho, that came as soon as I got home. I had a full on panic attack, one of my worst. I suppose it was because while I was there he was touching me. All I could remember where his hands and the pressure in the room and it made me physically sick. He hadn’t been out of line at all, had only cuddled me and I hadn’t said a word at the time (which I do regret) but getting home it felt like the biggest violation. It wasn’t just the touching, it was everything it pertained, even though I knew we weren’t gonna have sex or anything, the complete and utter lack of want frightened me. Even now I still feel bad and dramatic for reacting that way but the only thing that reaffirms me is the fact that I know, deep down, I didn’t want to feel that way but I did. I couldn’t change how I felt, because it’s something you just Know. So after swearing off boys forever (metaphorically) I decided to get my ass in gear and follow my heart¿

The interweb is a blessed place. Everything I found (including the tumblr community) was like opening the gates of valhalla. I wasn’t quite 'there’ yet but damn, I was Here. After that has been a series of finding support online since practically everyone irl thinks of my sexuality as a joke, they dont even take it the littlest bit seriously; and i didnt want to keep myself surrounded by that mindset. Finding blogs like these was a godsend and I can’t appreciate it enough.

With that out of the way, my most relevant issue as a POC as well as ace is the constant sexualization towards me. Even my friends do it! Because of my body type, being afab and curvy people just assume i’m a sexual figure??? I cant count how many times my own friends have touched my ass. On Canada Day a few weeks ago, my friends boyfriend slapped my butt as a joke, and all my friends are cool with it. In fact as the only POC in my friend group, my ass comes up a surprising amount. I know for a fact my friends don’t mean harm, they’re very open minded and it’s only bc of my long friendship with them that they frivolously touch me, and thats the main reason I havent said anything.

Mostly I feel as though, open minded as they are, they wont ever understand my sexuality. That’s only because it honest to god baffles me that sex is such a big and meaningful part of people’s lives, and if I can’t understand them, how can they understand me? Thats not so bad as not accepting it though, which they (the ones ive come out to) didn’t at first (until I showed them some colorful diagrams and had a serious 30second talk). My biggest fear in the end is the expectations people have of me. My parents have never had a health relationship with me so their opinion on my sexuality isnt a conversation that will ever happen, but im more concerned about a potential partners needs. I’ve always believed that if I really liked someone, I would do (very few) sexual things for them, bc thats part of the deal right? But a big part of me doesn’t want to compromise. Its honestly like giving a phone to a child, telling them to dismantle it and then put it back together again. I know how the mechanics work, how things should be, but Why? I just dont Feel like it’s something I Want. And then I’m scared shitless that bc i cant meet someones needs, they’re going to belittle/discredit or leave the relationship. Of course these are p reasonable worries but damn is it scary to have such a big heart and such a tiny chance. I guess i just wanted to rant and put some stuff out there, bc it affects me way more than I probably realize, especially in lieu with my mental health.

Here’s some advice I guess out of all of this; use labels to include, not exclude. If you think you might be ace, come right down into the community bc its p freaking rad. If you change your mind then no loss, if you hit the mark (like moi) then HOLY BALLS THE COLOR SCHEME IS DOPE.

thanks for listening, im always looking for new ace/aro friends so stop by, say hey, lets grab a cup of metaphorical coffee and not talk about sex

Hoshi Fic 2

THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG IM SORRY XD ok anon this goes out to you!! thank you for requesting and again im really sorry this took so long! for anyone whos requested anything in the last month, don’t worry i havent forgotten or anything! Ive just been pretty backed up but you will EVENTUALLY get that fic XD (i have coups, woozi, meanie, more hoshi, vernon, jeonghan, dino, and dk all lined up XD) SO YEAH ANON I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS XD angst for you guys (ive been writing a lot of angst lately and my heart hurts)


“HOSH, WE CAN’T KEEP HAVING THIS ARGUMENT!” you scream as your boyfriend slams the bedroom door shut.

He aggressively pulls his hair back before yelling, “WE WOULDN’T BE ARGUING IF THIS DIDN’T KEEP HAPPENING!”

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!” you shout, staring him right in the eyes. “I’M SORRY IF I CAN’T MAKE IT TO EVERY DATE, BUT I’M GETTING BUSIER THESE DAYS! I’M TAKING MORE CLASSES! I HAVE TO STUDY ALL THE TIME! I HAVE MORE HOURS AT WORK! ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE PILING ON TOP OF ME AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING!”

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A Faith Crisis: Crushed By Doubt, Questions, and Disconnection (And Some Good News)

Two anonymous questions:

Hi pastor, i’m a 21 year old girl from philippines. i messaged you before about my doubts about God’s existence and my faith in Him. that was almost a year ago. Praise God that I was able to recover my faith and go back to normal living with God and i believe it became even better. but i feel so sad again right now because my doubts came back just a week ago. the desire to know God is still here but questions are bothering me. i still have lots of things to share. please help me. thank you!

Hi:), i write to you because i think of you as an understanding and matured faith person so i thought maybe i could share with u my problem.. So, i have a big faith crisis now, like somehow i found myself drowning among doubts … I just started a biblestudy on God’s personality but somehow i found myself on a worst place. As i do the biblestudy something says these “cool things” should make an impact in me, but they dont, like my inner radar would be broken … i wanna thank u that you share things so openly!:)

 

Hey my dear friends: Please first know that I love you both dearly in Christ, and I know how hard it is to fall into this fog of doubt.  I appreciate you both being so honest and real about this, and I’m also grateful for your encouragement even in the midst of this harder time.

You see, the Big Christian Secret is that every Christian in the world runs into doubts, question, confusion, and frustration, because there isn’t anything wrong with you that isn’t already wrong with everyone else.  This doesn’t make you a bad Christian, but an honest one.

In fact, I would say that every human being who ever existed runs into doubts about their own worldviews, a sort of existential panic about what they truly believe, and it can be downright disorienting. 

Here are three simple things we must know.  I have said them many times before and they could sound familiar, so please feel free to skip around.

 

1) Sometimes doubts are just seasonal valleys, because we’re fragile squishy human beings who occasionally get moody.

No one is expected to maintain an emotional high about their faith all the time.  Not everyday is a rocked out laser show singing to Jesus on full blast.  Maybe at that Sunday service or the retreat or revival, you felt a spine-tingling surge of divine ecstasy with God, and it could’ve been a legitimate experience: but not everyday of your marriage is supposed to look like your wedding.  That sort of hype is impossible to sustain.  We’re not in Heaven yet, and we don’t need to force it either.

Moses didn’t split a Red Sea every Thursday.  David didn’t kill a Goliath at every revival.  And Jesus didn’t transfigure – that scene in Mark 9 when Jesus shoots laser beams and lightning out his face – every time they ate breakfast.  We’re not supposed to re-create our highs, but to remember the Most High in our lows.

And you know, some days you just get tired, cranky, jaded, or gassy.  Sometimes you’re just not in the mood.  Sometimes this means for very long seasons, you might not “feel God."  And when you feel far from Him, maybe that doesn’t get to determine your overall faith, or maybe we’ve measured our entire progress on absurd spiritual parameters.

When you think God isn’t near, you can tell Him, "I feel so far."  God is not mad about your doubts, your venting, your shaking of the first, or your inability to get excited about Him.  He receives us in every condition, so that His grace might fill the dryness of our desert seasons.

Your feelings are very real, but they can’t be everything.  If we always waited to feel right with God to be good Christians, no one would ever get right or get good.  So it’s really not about "how to get this right,” but simply pressing into God with even the tiny little bit of faith that we have today, for Jesus said even a mustard seed of faith is enough to move mountains.

Also check out:

- Five Ways To Kickstart Your Faith Today

- See Him: If You’re Not Sure About God Right Now

 

2) Sometimes doubts are gentle promptings to investigate your deepest beliefs, especially when life hits hard.

The truth is: Doubt is not a “sin."  It’s great to have a vibrant, robust, thriving sort of faith, and God wants that for you.  But our deepest roots are born out of the winter nights when we’ve had to dig into the shallow dirt of our infant beliefs and reach into the soil of our most core foundations.

Contrary to pop culture option, Christianity will challenge you to think for yourself. As a pastor, I never want to teach you what to think as much as how.  True faith, the kind that perseveres through pain and trials and urgency, takes a surgical navigation through all the very difficult questions of life.  Only doubts will ever get you to ask them.

When pain hits home and you’re walking through that cancer or car accident or earthquake, you want the kind of faith that can face death.  In the end, I want a faith that doesn’t just tickle my inspiration or gives me cute slogans, but a faith that can get beat up by suffering and scholars and satanic evil, and will keep on standing.  And that only comes when you’re able to hold up those doubts to the light, rotate them over and over, and take a second look at every intellectual and existential answer that Christianity has to offer.

There are too many Christians who don’t really dig to the bottom of what they believe, so that when tragedy comes, they wonder how their concept of God could ever allow such misery.  This quickly turns into a toxic disillusionment because their faith was never nuanced enough to deal with the gray-space struggle of real life.  It’s not that their God was not big enough, but rather much too small.

It’s one thing to say that "Jesus died for my sins and got up from the dead."  Any church attender could say they believe this, and maybe they do in some esoteric symbolic way.  But what really gets you through the grinding jaws of suffering is to know that Jesus actually conquered a nameless grave, that he threw a right hook at Satan and an uppercut at sin, that the Resurrection offers a sweeping victory against entropy and aging and disease and atrocity, and that Jesus uppercut death in the face.  Jesus destroyed all our greatest enemies by entering through them himself, and then invites us into such power and grace.

The Resurrection, if it really happened, has to be both existentially satisfying and intellectually complete.  It’s totally wise to doubt that such a thing happened: but such doubt drives you to seek the truth, and when you even entertain the possibility that it happened, it’s downright electrifying.

 

3) Some of us are simply wired to be more doubtful than others. 

Though I believe Jesus is the ultimate answer and accommodation for our reality, I also doubt him every single day

When Moses split the Red Sea, there were probably 1) victorious triumphant warriors saying "This is our God!” and 2) doubtful panicking screamers running full speed through whales and plankton.  I’m a Screamer.  I’m a cynic.  I’m a critic.  I’m Peter, who fell into the water after he got off the boat.

I’m not giving you an excuse to have a halfway lukewarm faith.  I would never wish that upon anyone.  But I’m okay with my slow-burning, smoldering, sit-in-the-backseat sort of faith most of the time.  Just because I don’t sing like the front row of worship service doesn’t mean I don’t love Jesus.  It just means I’m wired to love him when I write, when I see the sun break through the stitching in the clouds, when I serve the homeless and see the face of Jesus there. 

Please don’t beat yourself up about a slowly sizzling faith.  Each day, no matter how you feel or what’s happening, pray anyway.  Read the Bible anyway.  Sing anyway.  Serve anyway.  Your life keeps going, so talk with God anyway.  And just sometimes: the Sea will split again.  Those giants fall with great aplomb.  And Jesus will be there on the mountaintop, full of light and glory and weight, unleashing his furious love poured out for us destitute, despondent sinners. It’s those rare moments which I call to mind as I descend back into the valley, and no one can ever talk me out them.  Even with my tiny little bit of seed-sized faith, I can say, “So there I saw him on that mountain, and he is true.  He is good.  He is down here, too, as He always was, and will be.”

– J.S.

Flushed

Title: Flushed

 Prompt: There was a request for more male!reader stories…so here we go ^^

 Pairing: Sam x Male!Reader

 Summary: Drinking…Strip Poker…Your crush, Sam Winchester…what could possibly go wrong?

 Warnings: Language.  Nakedness. Innuendos.  Implied Smut.

Masterlist of FanFiction  

Originally posted by awkwardsamw

Looking back, you probably shouldn’t have had that much whiskey…or beer…or those three shots of tequila.  Honestly, you didn’t usually drink, you don’t know what came over you last night.  So after that life altering chemical concoction, you now laid there, trying so hard to figure out what was going on.

All you knew was you, Sam, Dean, and Cas were unwinding after a job well done.  You remembered getting back to the bunker…Dean made burgers…your memory was starting to get heavy, the pounding hangover was beating your head with a stick, making it hard to focus, but you needed to.  You needed to answer the pivotal question.

How did I wind up in Sam’s bed?  As if you said it out loud, Sam shifted, tightening his hold on you, pushing his head further into your neck as he curled against your chest.

On one hand, you were freaking out, having no idea what brought you here.  On the other, you had always had feelings for Sam and wondered what it would be like to wake up beside him.

Think.

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over the years

i’m in fic mood right now. also i get pissed off at people that are mad for craig hurting either thomas and tweek, so i decided to write a fic from craigs POV, starting with when he was a lil bean, 12 years old, fell in love with tweek and him getting hurt over and over again until he can’t take it anymore. i hope that when u read this you finally understand his decision bc i’m on full on mom mode. i’m gonna defend him /this is kind of long. 6k+, since it’s going from when they’re 12-20 years old. also i didnt reread it lmao/

warning: it’s sad. everything kind of is. dont complain later i warned you :D

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“It’s not that special to be honest.” And I was quiet. Taking a deep breath I almost whispered “It’s the future.”

“You mean you’re something like a fortune teller?” he asked excitedly and louder than I expected.

“What? Hell no I’m not!” I sighed. “It’s not like I know what’ll happen tomorrow or in 20 years. No, it’s more like a feeling I get when I see a person. Oh and I only see the impact they will have on my life. So sorry, I can’t give you the answer to life and everything.” 

I kinda wrote something???? It’s a au with people having special abilities. Jean POV.

I’m not sure what to do with it so here may it bring you joy. And dont ask for context. There is none.

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anonymous asked:

Hey do you have any advice for someone who isn't sure if they are bisexual or gay?

Yes. maybe. idk. when I was like 13, I started to question if I was bisexual. It had never occured to me before that liking women was in the picture. I knew that there were other girls who liked girls, I didn’t have an issue with it, i just never considered it was for me. But I would be in the mall with my best friends and an attractive couple would walk by, and I would be caught up staring at the girl, I didn’t even know it was a gay thing, just a platonic lady seeing another lady and thinking, damn, youre gorgeous. Then one of my friends would say, “wow, he’s so cute!” and immediately I would snap out of it. because Yes He Is Attractive, which means I Must Be Attracted To Him. My thoughts about this girl were nothing more than ordinary complements on the way she did her hair. 

I’m not a very attractive person. I really don’t think I’m ugly, my face is pretty average, but my body and personality never really made me popular with the boys in middle school. (not that im complaining in hindsight) However, There was this one kid, when I was in 6th grade, named Talha. He was one of the sweetest people I’d ever met. and he adored me. We were in seperate classes and we didn’t really know eachother, but he’d wait beside my locker at the end of every day. He wasn’t very good at hiding his affections. A bunch of people, some of whom I really didn’t know that well, would come up to me and tell me how “oh my god, he’s in love with you, always talking about how beautiful and smart you are.” i knew he liked me, I’m not dumb. but i would always just kind of smile and laugh awkwardly when people reminded me. When he finally talked to me about it, I told him I’d rather we stay friends. He didn’t get angry or anything, he just looked sad. and I’d never felt so guilty in my life. (at that point lol) this happened again with a friend Jimmy (not as nice, but not a bad kid) and this time i said yes. I didn’t like Jimmy, but I just felt bad about saying no. (this was when that whole “nice guys finish last give us a chance ladies” narrative was the only one I knew.) I “broke up” with him literally the next day, too guilty about pretending to like him, telling him I wasn’t ready for a relationship.

The thing is, I have never been attracted to boys in my life. and I didn’t always realize that. I can remember assigning myself crushes as early as six, whichever boy was the tallest, second grade was the one who was best at piano, third i dont remember, fourth was one of my friends bc he was funny, fifth grade was this kid i tutored in math, sixth grade was this kid who was moderately attractive that I sat next to in class. I can remember myself as a kid thinking.. “okay, who should I pick for my crush this year?” my “attraction” to boys existed only because that was all i ever saw on tv, bc it was what i was supposed to feel. this went on until i was fourteen goddamn years old.

fast foreward to 13/14 year old me. I’ve started questioning myself. Girls are just so beautiful. I didnt understand how Im supposed to have crushes on boys but I think girls are just so much prettier. I didn’t know what to think. I knew bisexual girls existed, but I’m not gay. Not me. I dont have a problem with it and i support them, but i like boys and only boys. But maybe…. maybe this was just a phase. either way, I hoped it went away fast. I loved my best friends. The last thing I wanted was to be bi, bc then they wouldnt want to have sleepovers with me. being gay isnt wrong, but it cant happen to me. I’ll lose all my friends.

Then, during a sleepover with my two best friends, one of them casually mentioned, “guys, I think I might be bisexual.” Before I could stop myself, I blurted out “me too.” that was the first time i ever acknowledged the fact that I might not be straight out loud. I felt so scared and relieved at the same time. I’m so glad she said that. She’s still my best friend and it turns out shes straight (and im gay lol so we were both wrong) but i didnt feel like I’d be shunned anymore.

When I was 15, I went through a really really rough time. I don’t mind talking about it bc it happened over a year ago now, but thats for another post. basically, my entire family structure completely imploded. one family member’s abuse of both people and substances was out in the open for the first time. shit was tough. I got depressed. suicidal thoughts every ten minutes depressed. the point is, all through this I threw myself head first into the only way I knew to cope: “fandoms.” I’m so embarrassed about who I was at this time (I was a superwholock, kill me) but you know what, its what i did to deal. and through these (superwholock) fandoms, m/m slash was HUGE. so i didn’t really question my “bisexuality” bc I felt like I had to be screaming about how hot Bodlaijapoibhp Cummiedajkhwog 24/7 to be accepted. Eventually I pulled myself out of my depression and out of those shows that I don’t like anymore. (except dr who its my guilty pleasure.) During this recovery time, I dated a girl for the first time. (first time i dated anyone actually) I wish I could tell you it was butterflies and rainbows, but I didnt even like her in that way. I was so used to compulsory heterosexuality that I didn’t really understand that you don’t just date someone because theyre nice or whatever, but because of the way they make you feel. Sophmore year starts up, I’m 16 now. I didn’t need to like boys anymore to feel accepted, and the label “bisexual” just begins to chafe. For the first time, I try calling myself a “lesbian.”

and it fits.

God it felt so good. The euphoria wore of eventually, but I just felt like I knew myself so much more. Lesbian still sounds like a dirty word to me. It was the word that kids in my grade would whisper about this butch girl, Frankie, telling everyone not to be friends with her because she’ll hit on you or whatever. Lesbian was the word that conjured up by the media the picture of some unattractive quirky woman who nobody in her group really likes who wears a lot of vests or whatever. Lesbian was the word of girls who were weird, who weren’t really girls, who you shouldn’t be friends with. But lesbian was the word that fit me. 

Im so sorry for how long this got, I really didn’t mean for all this. I’ve been writing for like half an hour. but idk I figured my own personal story was the best way to explain this. anyway, here’s the important part. 

I still question myself all the time, if I might be bisexual. even though I see and understand compulsory heterosexuality for what it is, sometimes, I still feel, deep down, like its wrong or impossible for me to not like boys in some degree. maybe I’ll read a story about a m/m relationship. I like the characters and the story, maybe it means I like boys? No, it doesn’t. I am a lesbian and I don’t think I’ll ever be anything but that. It took me a while to realize that the societal implications for what a lesbian is dont have to affect me. I cant label myself “butch” or “fem,” because I’m neither. I’m just a girl. I like to do my eyeliner, I can’t paint nails to save my life but I try. everytime my best friend and I hear uptown funk we blast it to unhealthy levels. I like to draw and read, and sometimes i can come off as rude. I’m your every day typical girl, I just happen to like women instead. So if you’re not sure if youre bisexual or gay, that’s fine. It’s a process. Youre probably gonna question yourself your whole damn life. 

My advice is, separate your sexuality from your femininity. Unless youre nonbinary or something, youre a girl, and you are under no pressure to act differently from any straight girl your age. You are under no pressure to like anyone. I assigned myself crushes on boys for years and I didn’t really like my first girlfriend. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to like any individual person to prove your sexuality. Don’t worry about it, if you can. This goes back to the previous point. Don’t label yourself. Just spend some time with “I like girls” and slowly work out if boys are in the picture, too, by who you gravitate to. I love you, sweetie, and i hoped this helped. Im sorry its so long.

TL;DR Life’s a fuckin journey love yourself 

Live A Little (Part 3)

(In case you missed it, here’s part 2)

Masterlist

Staring at Ashton, you felt like everything was crashing down again.

“It’s not what it looks like I swear”

As soon as you said these words, you quickly glanced to look at Calum, who was now giving you a look you couldn’t quite decipher.

No? Than what the fuck does it look like?”

Hearing Ashton’s voice, you turned to face him, staying quite.

You knew what it looked like. 

Hell, just 15 seconds ago, you liked what it felt like. 

But now? 

You were completely confused.

I don't know, i just-”

Cutting you off, he laughed harshly.

You don’t know? Oh that’s fucking rich. After all the shit we’ve been through, you decided to just ignore me and move on to my best friend? Shit, who would have thought you were such a slut-”

Jumping off the bed, Calum was starting to match Ashton’s anger.

Stop calling her that.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Ashton stared at Calum in disbelief. 

Are you defending her? For fuck’s sake you’re supposed to be my best friend, not hers. But then again, what kind of best friend tries to sleep with the girl who was my-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Bryana spoke up from behind him, the first time since Ashton came barging in.

“Ash why do you care so much?”

You saw his face falter before looking back to face her.

“I don’t care”

Then turning back to you, he made sure he held your eyes.

“She means nothing.”

Feeling like the wind just got knocked out of you, you turned your head to face the floor.

I just don’t think she should be here right now. She obviously wasn’t invited for a reason. No one needs a bitch around.”

It was at this point that Calum couldn’t take it anymore, he rushed forwards, pushing Ashton against the wall.

I swear to god, say one more bad thing about her and i’ll-”

“AND YOU’LL WHAT”

Pushing Calum back, Ashton started raising his fist to hit him.

Scared, you jumped off the bed, putting yourself in front of Calum as Bryana tried pulling Ashton away. 

GOD JUST STOP!”

Grabbing Calum’s hands, you tired to push him back. 

Looking back towards Ashton, you saw him clenching his jaw as he stared down at your hands against Calum’s. 

Ashton, you want to talk? Fine lets talk. Alone.”

Looking up to meet your eyes, you could tell he wasn’t just angry but… hurt?

No, I’m not leaving you with him” Calum said, trying to push you behind him.

Cal i have to do this” 

Giving his hand a slight squeeze, he looked down, giving her a pleading look to not make him leave.

You heard her mate, she wants to talk. Alone. Get out.”

Turning towards Ashton, you felt so frustrated. 

You understood why he was pissed. He had every right to be. 

But to treat his friend like shit? 

That wasn’t okay.

If you do anything to hurt her-”

“You really think i would hurt her? Lets remember who was her best friend first. Let’s remember who HAD her first”

Knowing what he meant, you didn’t understand what was going on between them. 

It’s like he was rubbing what happened between you and him in Calum’s face. 

Why? 

Both of you just stop. Calum i can handle myself okay? I’m fine. I promise”

Nodding his head, he reluctantly started walking out of the room, making sure to glare at Ashton the whole way. 

With Bryana right behind him, they both left the room, leaving you and Ashton to finally deal with each other.

Wasting no time, he jumped right into it.

Why did you leave?” 

Looking down, you knew you couldn’t face him when you spoke.

I was scared.”

“God, of what?”

OF LOSING YOU. LOSING MY BEST FRIEND”

Shaking his head, he walked over to the wall, sliding down to put his head in his hands.

Why would you lose me?”

“I don’t know”

Walking over to the wall, you slid down next to him.

Its not exactly an easy thing waking up naked to your best friend”

“But what does it matter? Its not like it meant anything!”

Pulling your knees into your chest, you couldn’t help but feel a sharp pain in your heart.

Noticing your reaction, Ashton instantly felt strange.

It didnt mean anything… Right?”

Shrugging, you didnt know what to say.

I mean… i don't know…. maybe”

Groaning, he threw his head back against the wall.

Jesus this is so fucked up”

Not the response you were hoping for, you started to get up. You couldn’t be here in the same room with him anymore.

Wait, stop. Don’t go.”

Getting up with you, he stared at you, looking as if he was in battle with himself.

Look… I just… Maybe…I feel… no… fuck… You need to realize this can’t work. We need to focus on our friendship, thats it”

Looking away, you felt the tears falling freely now. 

But why?”

Stepping closer, he wiped them off your face, sighing again.

Because”

Growing frustrated, you smacked Ashton’s hands off your face, stepping backwards.

Jesus Ashton, why can’t you just be a fucking man and say the truth! Im sick of you beating around the bush, acting like I’m too dumb to understand! Just fucking SAY IT!”

“BECAUSE I DONT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU!”

Feeling like you were just slapped in the face, you stayed quiet.

Fuck.. I didn't mean.. Oh man”

Walking away from you, he pinched the top of his nose, clearly torn about this.

Look i have Bryana now. She’s amazing and i can’t mess that up. I don’t even want to mess this friendship up. That’s all this is, a fucking friendship.” He said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince you.

But, you knew there was still something he was hiding. 

Or at least lying about.

Then why do you care so much about what just happened with me and cal?”

Stopping, he gave you a straight look, trying to mask whatever he was feeling.

I dont. I just don’t think he’s the right one for you to be with. You know how his past is. You can do better.”

Scoffing, you laughed darkly.

What the fuck does his past have to do with anything. Why are you acting like this? So what if we might have hooked up if you hadn’t barged in. It wouldn’t have meant anything.”

“You don’t know that” he answered a little too quickly, looking away from you.

Completely done with the conversation, you weren’t holding anything back anymore.

What does that even mean! Ashton I’m not stupid, I can tell theres something you’re not telling me! Just spill it already!”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Walking up to him, you got in his face, yelling.

THEN WHY DO YOU CARE!”

“CANT YOU JUST DROP IT? I SAID IT DOESN’T MATTER! GET THE FUCK OVER IT! I ALREADY SAID I DONT WANT YOU! WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO EXPLAIN!”

Nodding your head, you stepped back.

You’re right, there is nothing to explain. Just like theres nothing more to this friendship. We always promised to keep no secrets between us, but that obviously changed. I know i fucked up by running away from this, but I’m owning up to it right now. And I’m so fucking sorry for leaving you alone. But I’m here now. I came here today to fix things. To be completely open with you. And i was. But you apparently can’t do the same for me. I know you’re hiding something, but you’re too much of a chicken shit to look me in the eye and tell me the truth. So I’m done. This friendship is done. I can’t pretend to be okay with this anymore. I have to go.”

Moving past him, you tried to walk out, but he wrapped his hand around your arm, pulling you to stay.

You don’t mean that. Please tell me you don’t mean that.”

His voice cracked at the end of his sentence. 

Looking at him, you gave him one last chance.

Tell me the truth”

Shaking his head, he let a few tears slip.

I can’t.”

Pulling your arm out from his grasp, you shrugged your shoulders.

Then i can’t be friends with a liar”

Opening the door, you walked out, leaving Ashton by himself.

Not even going to look for Calum to say goodbye, you walked right out the door, straight to your car.

The whole time you were driving, you stayed numb. Everything that just happened was like a blur.

Once home, it still didn’t hit you. 

Nothing felt real until you walked into your bedroom, catching sight of an old picture of you and Ashton from when you were younger. Walking up to it, you grabbed the frame of your dresser, finally feeling it all hit you.

The whole point of running away was because you were scared to lose him. Feelings or not, he was your best friend. 

But it didn’t even matter. 

You still lost him.

Curling up on your bed, you hugged the picture frame to your chest, slowly crying yourself to sleep.

It didnt last long.

The next thing you knew, you were hearing your doorbell chiming repeatedly.

Confused, you got up off the bed, stopping by your dresser mirror.

Jesus you looked like hell.

Running down the stairs, you looked through the peep hole to see Calum looking completely distressed, slightly pulling at his hair.

Confused, you opened the door, ready to ask him why he was here, but he started rambling right off the back, not letting you talk.

Please tell me what you told Ashton was not true.”

Staring at him, you didn’t know exactly what he meant.

Not giving you a chance to ask, he kept talking, answering your question.

What happened between us in that room was 100 percent real. At least for me it was. And i know it was for you because i felt it. You were getting lost in me the same way i know I’ve been lost in you for years.”

Letting your mouth drop, you couldn’t believe what was happening right now.

I know you think you have feelings for Ashton, but just consider the thought of being with me. Ive had the hugest crush on you ever since Ashton brought you around. Shit i think i might even love you. Ive just been to much of a pussy to say anything. But I’m done hiding around, I want you. Ashton may not realize how perfect you are but i do. Please just please give me a chance to make you feel like you’re the only one in the world.”

“Cal I-”

Not letting you finish, he rushed up, grabbing you face in his hands, and kissed you.

First stiff, you tried pushing him away but just like earlier, you felt yourself melting against him.

There was just something about him that made you feel… perfect.

When he pulled back, he stared in your eyes.

I know this is a lot to take in but i can’t let you go. Not the way ashton did.”

Moving to kiss you on your forehead, he backed away.

Don't say anything yet. Think this completely through, okay? ill wait forever if i have to. Just don’t wait around for a guy who obviously doesn’t know a good thing when its right in front of him”

Walking away, you watched him get into his car, never once looking back to you.

Closing the door, you didnt know how to feel.

What the fuck is going on today?

Shaking your head, you started to walk back to your room, completely dazed, hearing your phone chime.

Running up the stairs, you ran over to your bed, feeling your heart drop.

Holy shit this is not happening

Staring at your phone, you knew all hell was about to break loose.

You wanted to know the truth? 

You got it.

But now you didn’t know if you wanted it anymore.

You didn’t even know what you were supposed to do.

Or who you were supposed to choose.

*************************

Part 4

Singleness of Heart- 1/?

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

[Ao3]

Okay! Here’s the first chapter of that Gravity Falls Transcendence AU fic I’ve been working on! It focuses on the time period right after the Transcendence, and on the twin’s relationship with their parents.

The second chapter is written, but not edited, and won’t be posted until the third chapter is about that far along, which should still be soon :) It’s looking like this’ll be about 3 or 4 chapters, though that statement sorta has the ring of famous last words, so no guarantees :P

Enjoy!

(Oh, and don’t worry about that intro bible quote- this isn’t going to be a fic about children learning to obey their parents- quite the opposite, mostly. I was just looking up quotes for the title, and the context was so relevant I couldn’t help but throw it in.)

Keep reading

Bruised

Written before last weeks ep, so off canon & no spoilers but premise is Regina & Emma have words after fighting the snow queen, then Robin arrives, he’s not happy and not feeling particularly honourable…..

———–

She’s too bruised for this right now, it’s a mistake, her walls are down, battered by Emma’s words, words she will have to face later but not now, now she has to deal with this situation.

She is injured, not perilously so but enough for the pain to catch in her throat, leave her miserable. Emma is injured too but not as badly, few bruises, some cuts but then Emma is level headed, even in a fight and she, well she is reckless.

A fact that Robin has not stopped berating her for ever since he arrived at the edge of Storybook forest just in time to spot her and Emma stumbling out from the trees, covered in snow, little bits of ice and a fair amount of blood, mostly hers.

Emma hovers awkwardly to her side, keeps accidentally catching her eye and they’ve been here before but this time there’s less of an audience, no David and his so called wit and no ex-boyfriend’s wife calling her out. Dear Marian is still renting a room at the Nunnery, well she’s taking up space, her needs are few given her frozen state, which is frankly the only state Regina would ever deem acceptable should she herself ever finding herself needing bed and board in that place.

But in the here and now, yet again Emma is witness to more of her pain, the pattern between them all is really starting to piss her off. She wishes Emma would just leave, she knows why she had stayed but Robin has calmed down somewhat, a side to him she hasn’t seen here in Storybrooke and only briefly before in their realm.

He was so angry, at first she couldn’t understand, was hit with the dread that something had happened to the town or heaven forbid Roland. It was only when he started on the ever so repetitive reckless track that it dawned on her, he was angry with her and to some extent Emma for venturing into the woods alone to track down the latest villain, the so called Dairy Queen.

He’s still clutching at her wrist, fingers digging into her flesh and she’s distracted by the thought, not for the first time that his nails are always so clean especially for someone who lives in the forest, literally sleeping on the forest floor. She is hit by the memory of him rising from a nest of moss completely leaf free during the missing year and having the audacity to laugh at her not so subtle attempts to remove twigs and a god damn beetle from her hair. She wanted to punch him then, now she wishes he would notice the leaf tangled in her hair, the one she can see in the corner of her eye, was about to remove before he came up in her space, hopes he will spot it too and brush it away gently like he did then.

He is calming down and has loosened his grip on her wrist, busy himself with sweeping his eyes up and down, taking her in. Looking for injuries she realises, she pulls her good hand from him, resists the urge to wrap it round the injured one.

“Regina” he huffs “are you injured?”

“No” she lies, it comes out a little more petulant than she would have liked but quite frankly her wrist is hurting like a bitch, she just needs some time, away from his never ending stare and Emma’s sideward glances, she supposed she should be grateful they both care but right now, she’s tired, in pain and pissed off with people that care but not quite enough.

“Regina” from Emma it sounds like a warning, from Robin a disbelieving, almost groan. Great, two people she cant lie too, two people who think they know her better than she knows herself.

“Fine” and now its full on petulant “my wrist is a little….sore” she allows. Its far more than sore, its broken she heard it snap when she mis-stepped and fell back, landing on it heavily. It will be fine when she gets some peace and quiet, can find a happy thought to wrap herself in and heal it. The magic is there, scratching under her skin but it’s skittish, too hocked up on adrenaline from the fight to settle down and heal her. Her magic not unlike herself is quite irritable right now.

“Let me see” Robin hmms softly, reaching slowly, very slowly towards her, “roll up your sleeve” he’s no fool, knows better than to do it himself. She wonders if he remembers when she told him about magic and emotion, how intertwined they are, especially for her. How she confessed to him, that sometimes she couldn’t tell the difference between her and the magic, if she was upset or it was. It seems he does remember, worst after using a lot she had said, like in battle he had asked and now he has that look on his face, the same one he wore after her confession and ever since she overused, that look deep into her eyes, checking she is present, grounded her.

“I’d rather not” she says

“That bad” he replies, not a question but a statement.

Emma is hovering again, its evident she wishes to leave.

“You can go now Miss Swan” she tells her, “Im sure your pirate is missing you’

"Right” Emma nods, hesitates but finds her resolve “we will talk in the morning”

“Dont hold your breath”

“No we will Regina, things were said tonight, things that cannot be unsaid but perhaps not said at the right time, in the right way and if I was out of line then I apologise but we WILL talk in the morning because despite everything, theres no one else I’d rather have by my side in a fight”

Emma offers her a smile, small but genuine as she starts walking away, clearly not expecting a reply, they both know one is not needed. Her silence is answer enough.

“Hey Regina, we make a good team” she calls back, pushing her luck.

Clearly Emma’s magic is making her cocky and despite herself she smiles.

———–

Robin has taken to her Granny’s, commandeered the back room, not her ideal choice but its closest, its late so the diner is practically empty as he ushers her through, hand on the small of her back, the first time he has touched her since their ‘break-up’. His earlier grasp on her wrist doesn’t count since she doesn’t think he was even aware of it.

Granny nodded them through, she couldn’t hear what was said but it was a brief conversation and she trusts him not to say anything to the old women that if repeated could throw the town into yet another panic.

“Roland can be quite clumsy especially after a massive amount of sugar” he explains at her raised eyebrow, the unasked question of how come he knows where the first aid box in the diner can be found, answered.

“Come on” he smiles, hand returns to her back rubs small circles there which is nice.

“What happened between you two?” He asks as he unwinds a bandage strip, ready to re-wind around her wrist.

She is sat on the edge of the couch with Robin on his knees to her side. Removing her jacket was easy, hiding the agony not so.

“I told her she ruined my life, she told me I was wrong, I ruined my own and hers” she shouldn’t have said that lest he think she would rather Marian was still dead which obviously she does but he doesn’t need to hear her say that. “I mean in everything” she clarifies “henry, breaking the curse”.

“You wish your curse was still in effect?” He asks head tilted to gauge her reaction.

“Life was a whole lot simpler and safer for that matter” lifts her injured hand to make her point.

Robin chuckles that soft chuckle, the one that is almost always accompanied by a shake of his head and bottom teeth disappearing into his lip, he does not disappointed now, makes that face at her, like she’s incorrigible and he’s delighted by it.

“And what of Henry?” He asks

She wonders briefly if he means what of me and this is his way of asking but decides, no he would have just said it. She almost wishes he had, that question would have made her slightly less uncomfortable than the one he has asked.

“We would have been fine” she says, they would have worked it out, she would have found a way. Curse in tact, would have saved them both some heartache but really fine? better than fine? happy? she’s not sure.

“You really don’t regret the curse?” He asks.

The simple answer is as always no because it led to Henry but breaking the curse, well that’s a whole different ball game. She thinks of Emma’s words again “you ruined mine, you have no idea” but she does and Emma knows it. That’s the annoying thing about the Saviour, she gets it, all of it, the whole messed up situation and yet she still thinks that she and only she can bring back the happy endings but she’s wrong.

“Regina?” Robin murmurs. He has stopped mid bandage, concerned look on his face as his eyes drift down to her other hand, the uninjured one, the one in which she digs her nails into her palm repeatedly. Robin reaches for it, then stops.

“Im fine” in answer to his unspoken question “just tired”. Straightens her palm flat on her trouser leg, look see, all fine.

“The curse gave me control” she tells him, now she has none, its unsettling. “At the time, it seemed necessary” more than necessary.

“And now? You gave up Mayorship voluntary after all”.

“Mmmm true…but I have more important things to do right now”.

“For which I am grateful” he says, this time he reaches for her hand, doesn’t stop himself, takes it and gives it a gentle squeeze briefly before turning his attention back to the bandaging.

“Besides this cursed land, isn’t all bad isn’t it?”

“No indeed not, Im quite fond of it”
he tells her “especially the food”.

“It always comes down to food with you merry men” she teases.

“Besides, I think that level of control is unrealistic”

She stifles a sigh, wishes he’d move on, change the subject, so much simpler before when they were together and she would have shut him up with a kiss.

“You think Im unrealistic?” tries for flippant, fails.

“Thats not what I said”

“Its unrealistic to expect everything can be controlled, can be fixed, sometimes all we can do is try our best” he’s looking concerned now, worried about her, worried about the burden he has placed on her, a burden she knows she deserves but yet,

She snorts a laugh “Or you can just get yourself a code and live by it no matter what” its cruel and she didn’t mean it, mostly she regrets it apart from that small angry voice that says this is ridiculous, he loves you and you love him, codes and everything else be damned.

Her words have shaken him, he rocks back on his haunches to his feet, pushes away from her, she sees the tight line in his jaw before he turns fully away, paces forward, hands running through his hair, his little tell of stress.

“Im sorry” she says and means it now.

He half turns back, “don’t be”.

“I am sorry Robin” she forces herself to her feet. Inspects his handiwork, he has done a good job on her wrist.

He steps forward as she does, two magnets, meeting in the middle of the room. They really shouldn’t be this close, he said he wanted to fix up her wrist and he has done so now they should leave, go, their separate ways but neither of them move away, only closer.

“Its a bit of a mess isn’t it” he says, chuckling low, its not funny and he’s not really laughing.

“Indeed”

Robin pulls her into a hug and she lets him. Its just a hug and its been a shitty shitty day. Its nice to lean against him, tuck her head into his chest, breathe him in, familiar and thrilling at the same time.
One hand around her waist, the other at the back of her head, palm down running up and back down, smoothing it against her skull, she sighs, so nice.

Both her arms are round his waist, loosely wrapped there, neither of them speak, neither wants to break the moment but her wrist aches and she wants to move her head up to his, wants more so she pushes back and away. Robin reaches for her, pulls her back and kisses her, hard.

Its too brief then he’s the one pulling away now, putting space between them, hands running back though his own hair, apologising again and again.

“Don’t” she tells him. “There’s nothing you can say to make this better, we both know how we feel and you know how you feel about Marian and I respect that and despite what I said earlier, I do respect your code, I really do” she tells him, words spilling out, “but apologising is pointless”.

Its all pointless really she thinks.

She stands, back straight, head raised “thank you for this” lifts her bandaged wrist “and thank you for coming to find me today it means a lot but Robin you made your choice, asked for my help which I intend to give you and in return I ask that you continue to stick by your code”

“I don’t know how you feel” he says, he’s miserable, its not what she wants. He is supposed to have his happy ending, she has promised herself he will get it. Marian has been frozen too long, she will try even harder tomorrow but she wont lie to him.

“Yes you do” she says and leaves, doesn’t look back, makes it all the way home before she gives into the tears, pushes away the tiny sliver of hope in her heart, that voice that whispers, perhaps now he knows how you feel, wishes she told him sooner, wishes she hadn’t told him at all.

The Weight of Us IV

Chapter~IV


The last sound he ever wanted to hear pierced his ears like a siren. Sprinting towards the diving cliff, Maks let every bad thing possible run though is head.
Continuing to run, He came to a halt in front of the group of girls that were all looking down at the water.

“What the fuck happened?” he screeched in a blind rage, not noticing Val, Henry, and the rest if the guys behind him.

“Peta pushed Meryl because she was hesitating to jump.” Jenna tattled without hesitation. Turning his deathly glare towards the blond, Maks marched towards her only to be stopped by a voice cutting the air once more.

“Help…” said a watery voice from below. Deciding to deal with Peta latter, Maks rushed over to the side of the cliff and looked down only to be met with a struggling Meryl.

“Meryl! ” he shouted, causing her to look up at him. “What’s wrong? Can you make it to shore?”
Meryl shook her head no, continuing to struggle.

“The under current-to strong.” she coughed before the water tugged her under.

“Fuck!” he yelled to know one. “I am going in after her.” He said ready to jump.

“Bro she’s in a under current, how do you expect to get the both of you out of there?” Val asked worried.

“I don’t give a fuck. I wou-”

“MMaaakksss…” Meryl screamed from below, interrupting them. Before anyone could stop him, Maks dove into the angry water.

Coming up for air, Maks looked around frantically for Meryl.

“Maks…” he heard her sputter. Turning around in the water, Maks saw Meryl doing her best to swim towards him.

“Don’t panic baby, I am coming.” he assured. Swimming around the current towards some rocks so that he had a good angle, Maks pushed himself off of the stones and into the current.

Relieved to have him near her, Meryl immediately latched on to him.

“Oh Maks…” she cried.

“Shhh honey I am here.” He soothed trying to figure a way out of this as he looked around for an idea . The current was small enough for him to swim out of but Meryl was way to small and she was to battered to do anything else to help him, deep down he knew what he was gonna have to do.

“Meryl I am going to have to let you go.” Maks said turning her body so her back was against his chest.

“No!” she protested trying to turn back around.

“Don’t argue with me. I need to get you out of the water.” He snapped. Putting his hands under her knees, he scrunched her up so her bottom was on his chest, lifting her out of the water almost completely.

“I am going to throw you as far as I can and the second you hit the water you swim away from the current. Do you understand?”

“What about you?” she whimpered.

“Don’t worry about me.” And then he threw her. She landed about 15 feet away from him, completely out of the current and close enough to shore. ‘Thank God’ he thought to himself.

Turning onto his back, he back stroked out of the current as hard as he could, not stopping until he no longer felt a pull from the water. Turning on to his stomach he swam towards shore where he could see Meryl and the rest of the group waiting for him, Meryl running to him once he could walk in the shallow end.
Throwing herself at him, she wrapped her legs around his waist and hugged him as tight as she could. Embracing her back, Maks trudged through water carrying her back to the sand.

“I am so sorry I swear I-” Peta tried rushing up to them once he evacuated the water.

“Get the hell away from her.” Maks hissed while putting Meryl down and moving her behind him.

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” Peta tried again .

“We watched you. ” Jenna said harshly .

“What the hell even happened ?” Henry asked flabbergasted.

“We all went up there to jump and on our way up another group warned us that the currents were becoming stronger. So we all agreed to go in pairs.” Nicole started. “Meryl said she wasn’t sure about going without you.” she said pointing at Maks, “…and that maybe we should all wait for the guys just in case something happens.”

“So Peta told Meryl to stop being a baby and told her to jump.” Jenna cut in.

“When Meryl said no and she was gonna wait, Peta pushed her.” Nicole finished off.

The group was quiet. Even Peta didn’t have anything to say.

“I am taking her home.” Maks said breaking the silence. “You guys can continue rafting if you want but we’re done.” He informed them while grabbing Meryls hand.

“You guys this was suppose to be fun, please dont leave.” Jenna pleaded to them.

“You think Meryl fucking drowning in a under current is fun?” Maks snapped.

“I agree Peta was wrong to push her but don’t let that ruin your good time.” Jenna pushed.

“Mer what do you want to do?” Maks Asked.

“We can raft still. I’ll just stay with you…” Meryl compromised, trying to make everyone happy.

“Fine…” he sighed. “Lets go.”

Heading back to their rafts, everyone settled back in the water after packing up, ready to continue rafting.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Carrying Meryl into their shared bedroom, Maks laid her down onto the bed. They were both really tired after a 12 hour day on the water and were ready for bed. Walking over to her temporary dresser, he grabbed her some pajamas. Heading back over to her herhanded her her clothes to change into.

“I want one of your shirts.” she said stretching out on the bed.

“Of course you do.” he smirked, going to retrieve her desired item.
Leaving her to change, Maks changed into his own night wear.

“I know you are not comfortable in those pajama bottoms.” Meryl giggled as he climbed into bed after they both showered and brushed their teeth.

“Are you trying to get me naked.” he teased her.

“ I am just saying.” she said rolling towards him. “I am comfy so we should be comfy together.”

“A point well made Miss Davis.” he said dramatically while getting out of bed only to then strip his shirt and pants off, leaving him clad in boxers as he climbed back into bed.

“Happy?”

“Very.” she giggled as he turned the lamp off.
They settled in next to each other as their day washed over them.

“You scared me today Merylushka.” He whispered into the dark.

“I was scared to.” she admitted quietly, taking his hand. Pulling her closer to him, he hugged her as tight as possible.

“I feel like such a bad person.” he said to no one.

“What? Why?” Meryl asked in confusion.

“When I came out of the water and she came rushing towards us…” he whispered. “ I wanted to hurt her physically. As if she were a man and I have never hurt a woman before. It was all I could think about…inflicting pain on her the way she hurt you.”

“Don’t think like that. You were running on adrenaline from saving me and she approached you at the wrong time thats all.” she assured him.
They laid there quietly for a few minutes until Maks broke the silence once more.

“Then why am I still thinking about it.” he whispered closing his eyes and pulling her closer.

Harry imagine for anon: Anne finds out you're pregnant

(Hope you enjoy this one xx Still got maaany requests left so please dont judge me if it takes long. And I’m sorry if there are mistakes in it! x)

Harry and you were having a sleepover at his parents house since it’s been a while since they saw the two of you. You already didn’t feel so well in the morning, but after you threw up once everything was fine again so you brushed it off, not telling Harry a word since you felt way better then.

“Are you hungry, love?” Harry asked you once you both have woken up, just laying in bed. “We can go downstairs and have breakfast if you want.” You nodded your head eagerly.

“I’d love to, because I’m literally starving.” You said, you two tossing the duvet back and getting up.

“How can you be starving, you ate almost two portions of spaghetti yesterday.” Harry chuckled, you putting your hand on your hips sassily.

“Excuse you? Are you saying I’m fat?” You said, chuckling anyway as he came up to you, pulling you closer.

“No way, love.” Harry gave you a quick kiss before you two went downstairs. His parents and Gemma were already up, setting the table before they saw you two entering the kitchen.

“Good morning, lovebirds!” Anne greeted you two with a smile. “Slept well?” You two nodded.

“Yes, thank you.” You smiled at her politely, Harry and you sitting down at the table.

“Do you prefer having a sweet breakfast? Like nutella? Or cheese or stuff?” Gemma asked you as she stood in front of the fridge, taking out various food for breakfast.

“Uhm.. do you have both?” You asked unsurely, Gemma turning her head around nodding.

“Of course.” She smiled. The others joined you at the table, digging in. You grabbed the nutella jar, putting some of it on a toast. The next thing caused everyone else to almost choke on their food. You took a slice of the cheese, putting it on top of the nutella sandwich and taking a bite. You looked at the others, seeing how they’re giving you a look in disbelief.

“Cheese? AND nutella?” Harry gasped in surprise, maybe even disgust which made you chuckle. “Since when?” You just shrugged it off as if it’s not a big deal.

“I just craved both, so why not? It’s tastes good, actually..” You mumbled, him shaking his head and eating his own toast. You noticed how Anne and Gemma exchanged a look, but you didn’t pay too much attention to it. You all finished breakfast shortly after, Harry and Robin getting up.

“Harry wanted to help me clean my car and stuff.” Robin motioned to the garage outside, you all nodding. Harry leaned forward, giving you a kiss on your forehead which made your heart flutter. Anne smiled at the two of you, him following Robin outside. Anne started to take the dished, putting them into the dishwasher.

“Wait! Let me help you.” You smiled, getting up in a swift. You got up a bit too fast though as you suddenly feel a bit dizzy and weird, your stomach grumbling. Covering your mouth with your hand, Anne understood immediately with widen eyes, setting the cup on the kitchen island.

“Last door on the right.” She said, you not hesitating to run to the bathroom. You leaned forward above the toilet, emptying your stomach. You heard the bathroom door being opened and felt how someone rubbed your back to comfort you.

“Are you better?” Anne’s voice echoed through the bathroom after you finished. You flushed the toilet and got up, cleaning yourself. You nodded, giving her a weak smile.

“Yes. And sorry about that.. but awkwardly I feel way better now.”

“Is this the first time you threw up in the morning?” Anne asked you, you shaking your head as you remembered yesterday morning.

“Nah. Yesterday too and I believe a few days ag—” You stopped yourself from finishing that sentence, realization hitting you like a truck. Anne gave you a smile.

“Do you think it’s possible that..?” Anne asked, you thinking about it for a moment.

“I.. I don’t know but now that you say it I do think I even missed my period. I just didn’t notice that since I’ve been a bit busy lately.. Oh god. What.. what am I supposed to do now?” You ran your hand through your hair nervously, Anne again rubbing your back.

“First of all we’re gonna go buy a few pregnancy tests to make sure if you’re indeed pregnant or not. And then we’ll figure out. But don’t worry, darling. Everything’s gonna be just fine.” She pulled you in her arms, hugging you tight and you nodding.

You eventually got dressed, heading downstairs again where you heard Anne explain everything to Gemma who smiled at you in understandability.

“C’mon, let’s not waste any time.” Anne said, grabbing her car keys and you two heading for the door. That’s until Harry and Robin entered the house again, bumping into the two of you.

“Y/N? Mum? Where are you two going?” Harry asked curiously, you two trying to find an excuse.

“We’re just.. we—”

“Mum wanted to go buy some flowers for the living room and Y/N wanted to help her choose some.” Gemma interrupted you, you thanking her mentally. Harry nodded, smiling.

“Yea, that’s really nice of Y/N.” Anne smiled. Harry gave you a goodbye kiss but not without whispering in your ear.

“I love it how you’re getting along with them so well. I love you.” Harry whispered in your ear, you nodding weakly and giving him one more kiss.

“I love you, too.” You whispered back. Anne and you eventually left, going to a nearby drugstore and buying about 7 pregnancy tests, just to be sure.

“How am I going to do that now? I mean, won’t Harry get suspicious when I’m in the bathroom that long?” You asked Anne on the drive home.

“I already texted Gemma to distract him, so I think that won’t be too much of a problem.” You nodded, your heart beating fast in fear.

As Anne and you entered the house again, Harry was luckily in no sight. You made a short run to the bathroom, not hesitating to take all the pregnancy tests. Anne waited in front of the door, you opening it and letting her in as you sat on the washing machine.

“And?” She asked almost immediately.

“It doesn’t show anything yet. Still gotta wait..” You said a bit above a whisper, her giving you a sympathetic look.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m better now but.. I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared.” Anne nodded at what you told her. Then a quiet yet hearable beeping sound caught your boths attention, you two rushing towards the counter where the tests sat on. You immediately grabbed one, seeing two lines on it.

“What does two lines mean?” You asked Anne as she looked over the discription, trying to figure out what it means. She then sat it back on the counter, giving you another sympathetic look. You already know what that means.

“Pregnant.” Anne said, you shaking your head desperately, in disbelief. You quickly grabbed the others who were finished as well, seeing smiley faces and a few who had also two lines on them.

“Shit.” You said, being taken aback by the situation. You sat down on the edge of the bath tub with widen eyes in shock. You were pregnant. How were you going to tell Harry? How would he react? What’s going to happen now? These were questions that bothered you now.

“Always remember that you’re not alone. You have us, most importantly you’ve got Harry and your family. Harry always wanted to have children, this happening a bit earlier doesn’t have to be a problem.” Anne reassured you, you nodding.

“Thank you for everything, Anne.” You smiled through a few tears.

“Aw, Y/N. Come here, darling.” She pulled you into another warm hug, rocking you back and forth.

“Now let’s make the best of it.. are you going to tell him?” You nodded at this.

“Yea. I mean since we’re already here and stuff.. I’m really sorry.. I feel like I’ve ruined our sleepover. Finding out I’m pregnant wasn’t one of my plans.” Anne quickly shook her head.

“Don’t be sorry for this, love. You didn’t ruin it at all. We all love you being here and this won’t change a thing. I couldn’t imagine anyone else with Harry. So I’m totally supporting you two.”

You smiled, thanking her multiple times. You were glad that they welcomed you to the family so lovely, Anne is like a mother to you and you loved that. You two tossed the tests into the bin in the small bathroom, exiting the bathroom and you heading towards Harry’s room where he bumped into you.

“Oh I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean—”

“Harry I.. I have to tell you something.”