ye great big homestuck story post
see like, i wasn’t gonna do this post because im a weird hipster who hates doing stuff everyone else is doing but then @imbirds did one and i mean you’re kind of an asshole if you don’t do one after your fiance writes one and mentions you so
this is kind of part homestuck and part cosplay in general
so im in 4th year uni right now, actually, about ending my 4th year, and you know what? to this day, i haven’t made a single close friend in ubc at all. all the friends that ive made that i talk to regularly have been because of this fucking comic. like, i literally have a fiance because of this fucking comic.
back in 2013, i was in my first year of university, living with my dog, just having come out as trans after getting out of my mom’s house. 2013 june, which is when i first went into homestuck, i had literally spent an entire year of my life cooped up in my tiny on-campus apartment, with my dog and my then cat, in a situation where i could honest to god go weeks without speaking a single word, because i never left the house, i never spoke to anyone but my friends from highschool alex and lee, who would come over to visit me. i would go to class, come home, occasionally buy groceries, and walk my dog. the only interaction with people was from the dog park which i went to often with rydge, and then never spoke to the other dog people other than talking directly to their dogs. just to give you a kind of idea of exactly how isolated i was.
honestly, i wasn’t even intending to go to ae 2013, where i first encountered vanstuck. after meeting my ex at fanexpo earlier that same year, and going through the abusive truck drive that bullshit was, i had no intentions of going to more conventions, since i wasn’t good at cosplaying, and i had no money. but my sister, who my mom sent to me for the summer, wanted me to cosplay karkat, i think for her jade blog, or something, and karkat looked easy enough, plus, this kid was literally me in middle school, angry, small, shouty, with equally sentient hair. so i slapped on some gray paint and roughly made some horns. i made my first clawsickle too, that i ended up giving away at tsukinocon 2014 in a homestuck panel, because i wasn’t good at much but i was decent at props. on friday of ae, my social anxiety was so bad i was pretty much having anxiety attacks the entire day. people complimented me on my clawsickle and other homestucks smiled at me because i was also homestuck and after a year of isolation that was clearly TOO MUCH SOCIAL INTERACTION but also it was amazing and awesome?? vanstuck ended up being the first place i actually came out as trans and found nothing but acceptance. i stayed up all night that friday night sewing a godtier because all i wanted to have was for someone to want a picture of my cosplay, and at the time, the godtiers looked so cool and i wanted to be a part of that too. i mean, obviously, on saturday, the godtier group wasn’t there, but you know what i did meet @imbirds, who did trickster john on friday and i briefly talked to, and godtier dave on saturday. i thought he was so fucking cool. i thought everyone was so fucking cool and i couldn’t believe they were actually talking to me and that these people actually liked the bullshit cosplay that i managed to pull together.
like look at that shit. you see that? that was my first sewn cosplay, it was just the cape and i handsewed it on friday night for 8 hours with lee and my sister’s help, because i wanted that badly to be included. literally none of that is sewn right, the hood is entirely bullshit and tears, that’s my actual hair but not cut short enough for karkat, there’s ben nye everywhere because someone told me i just needed sealer and not powder too and my clawsickle was made of 2lbs of model magic, not even fully dried, because even in 2013 as a wee bab homestuck i wanted desperately to stand out and be acknowledged in some form. that’s the fucking bullshit @imbirds met me in and still thought, wow, that’s a person i would like to get to know.
but you know what? ive never gotten more compliments on my cosplay before vanstuck. vanstuck was honestly just– like, i remember coming back home to my apartment and ranting to alex and stuff about how it was literally the most amazing thing ever. that the people were so friendly and accepting and encouraging and there were picnics and events and just. ive been in a lot of fandoms. ive been in fandoms before some of my friends were sentient human beings. and homestuck was and still is the first fandom ever, where people would walk around, SEE OTHER HOMESTUCKS THEY DIDN’T EVEN KNOW and just invite them!! to events! like the photoshoot! Panels! fucking picnics!! how do i even describe what that felt like to a kid who just came out, still untreated with depression and anxiety and a host of other bullshit who hasnt made a single friend all year? there was something magical about those days that i realized now ive been trying to get back and i just cant find it, either because im never going to be that awkward 18 year old again or just that vanstuck was honestly such an amazing organized group and nothing like that is ever going to exist again for me.
like, prior to homestuck, i did three cosplays, none of which i made, and none of the fandoms of whom ever, ever actually included me, because i was young, 14ish when i went to my first con, and had no idea how to put together a cosplay. you wanna see my shit now?
those are from last year. thats a fancytier and a godtier
the militarystuck karkat in the centre, that’s the third ever homestuck cosplay i made in 2013 summer, for C&E. i didn’t end up getting boots or pants because i ran out of money, nothing was sewn right, as usual, like, i dont even think i planned on ever making that, because it seemed impossible, but this fucking. there was literaly just this militarystuck group that didnt have a karkat and i asked if i could join and they didnt know who the fuck i was and they just. said yes??
that’s militarystuck also from a year ago. but like, just…
i never planned on getting into cosplay. my day used to be MADE just with someone recognizing who i was, three years ago.
ballgown dreamer karkat, in 2013, i made that because i started getting?? recognition?? for?? cosplay?? like that’s fucking amazing. people LIKED the shit i made. people thought i was GOOD AT THINGS. ive literally NEVER been good at anything in my life before homestuck.
dreamers in 2015 emerald city comic con with @imbirds whom basically since we’ve met ive been doing everything with.
idk i know this post is getting really off track but like. i just. dont know where i’d be if i never got into homestuck? i met so many amazing people though it, i didn’t fucking kill myself because i had COSPLAYS TO DO and people would LIKE MY COSPLAYS and thats?? incredible?? and tbh im so glad that the fandom i went to, that vanstuck was so, so welcoming because i would have never ever gotten to the level i am now with cosplay if the fandom had genuinely been shit and had torn me down. i wouldve never gotten to where i am now where im actually happy with my life, where i have things to look forward to, where i can fucking make cosplay plans for 5 years later because im actually going to live to five years later because i want to live to five years later and ten years later and fifty years later and i hope im this tiny old man screaming at kids on my lawn and still reminiscing about 2013 when some kid gave me a granola bar and now we’re married and someone told me hey i like what you do for the first time in my life.
the last two are from a week ago, emerald city comic con 2016. look at me. look how far ive come.
i know there’s shit homestucks and the fandom is problematic like any other big fandom and you can hate the comic and hate the fans all you want but tbh i’d be dead if i didn’t decide to slap on gray paint that friday of ae 2013 and dragged my ass to the con. because that was honestly the starting point of basically everything good in my life