MISTER 101: Why do you do this?
I was posed the question this morning.. and while its come in different forms before, the way it was presented here struck a chord in me. So I figured it was time to take the chance to explain myself… because ultimately I am sure its something that peaks the interest of many who follow me.
I remember every single detail about that night.
The way he stared at me made me uneasy at first, but after I realized it was an inquisitive spirit and not one that wanted to take advantage of me, I was put at ease. Being a college freshman from a small poor town having never met anyone outside of your bubble can be intimidating you know…
So when he said: “Come with me, I have something to show you”.. I didnt think twice, because I had this burning suspicion that my life was about to change in an epic way.. and it did.
It was most likely the space of 45 minute to an hour but it felt like a rebirth and a new beginning of timeline. As though in some form or fashion I broke away from the timeline I was living in and entered into an alternate existence. I felt alive and aware like I never had before… I had become awakened.
At that age and the first time away from home you can become influenced by man things. Especially when you basically grew up with nothing… its often sometimes hard to tell whats right and wrong. But there was something most definitely right in the almost daily sessions. The lectures… the teaching.. the observations….. the encouragement. It all came together like a familiar puzzle that you have put together a hundred times, but yet each time still seems fresh and new in some strange way.
It was made clear to me above all else that the information I was being given was sacred. That it was to be used for ultimate benefit to others, and never to be abused. It was told and retold… emphasized and drilled.. I realized that I was being given the opportunity of a lifetime.
All those hours at the mall watching people… all those nights sitting in the corner taking mental notes as he worked over his subs in scene time.. all those extra hours in psychology and criminology classes for no reason but to learn everything I could about myself and why I was this way. All the munches and presentations and books…. all the time spent with rope in my hands… with another persons trust in my hands… with the power to make or break.. in my hands.
“No matter what you do, always do it with an ultimate purpose. When she asks “Why?”, always have an answer… when she submits, always be grateful”
Even now I begin to tear up recalling those words being spoken into my right ear and the gentle touch on my shoulder. He was always so gentle with my ignorance… he was always very deliberate with his teachings.
RESPONSIBILITY & RESTRAINT
Its one thing to dream, its another to dare, and its something completely else to dominate. Much like a prize fighter trains for his title fights, I trained for the moment when the reigns were handed to me and I given the humbling opportunity to be in control.
That first time I snapped my fingers and she shuffled into position was breathtaking. I paused, lost concentration… and felt that tap on my shoulder.
“Remember… this is a great gift thats been given to you. Treat it that way”
Focus was found again, and as she stared into my eyes my soul devoured everything within her, consumed it and knew exactly what she wanted. All those hours spun into seconds and my awareness burned like a phoenix rising from the dark depths of the ruins of my former life.
I was a Dom… I AM a Dom… and at that moment I fully came into the realization of the great responsibility placed in my hands, and the restraint with which I was expected to always express.
Everything was always to be many things… A chance to grow. A chance to teach. A chance to learn. A chance to enhance anothers life and bring about something within them that was much like what he saw in me that night. A chance to make sure that someones like would be set into forward motion and that progress & growth would be ultimate goal.
“Never abuse this power.. never take advantage of anothers eagerness and hunger to become alive like you had”
And so I always set upon approaching every opportunity with this mantra in mind… yes, her submission is a gift, yes, she needs what I have and received myself, yes, she deserves to come alive.. to grow… to progress.. to be fully alive.
TIME WELL SPENT
And so through all the classes, the teaching, the meetings and munches.. through all the practical hands on, scene play, and so on… I became who I am.
“Never be complacent. When you stop learning, you have failed me”
These words cut me hard to the bone… even typiing them and hearing them in his voice in my head is like a punch in the gut to even think I would do such a thing. He gave me so much of his wisdom, knowledge and time that I shudder at the thought of ever grieving his spirit.
WE ONLY HAVE WHAT WE REMEMBER
“you can never have any judgment… because you will always remember who you used to be”
Growing up I had nothing. My parents were busy, my older brother and his friends got a lot of joy out of making me a punching bag. At school I was ridiculed and taunted. Being fat and awkward and just wanting friends puts a target on your back the size of Texas.
I was also a target in a different way by one of my brothers friends… and in the coldness of that damp basement one summer day he changed my life in ways that I both regret, feel ashamed of… and feel blessed for. So then when my uncle did it again in my middle school years…. it seemed normal.
But theres nothing normal about holding your fathers handgun to your head on a hot July day at the age of 12 and thinking theres nothing left in life.
It was also at that early age words became powerful, important and valuable in great ways.
“When you speak make it mean something, make it important. When you present yourself you are also presenting me”
After a botched love letter to a girl I had a crush on in which i misspelled the word “beautiful”, she decided to stand up and read the letter to the whole class and point out my mistakes. From that moment I decided that being well spoken was the key to success, and as such I began a path that not only saw me become a regional spelling bee champion… but also having aced English and rhetoric on the ACT college entrance exam.
I could have wallowed in my misery for those things that happened to me.. which are a minuscule part of my early life. But instead I made a choice.
I chose to do everything I could to get out of where I was and make sure that no one would ever take advantage of me in those ways again. I chose that instead of being codependent and weak and worthless… that there was a greater life outside of where I was and what was happening.
When you grow up having nothing, you either want everything or you form a respect for being simple.
In my case it became both and somewhere within my training I figured out that you could have everything you wanted with the most simple of actions.
I knew that moment had arrived for me the night I was standing in front of a sub who was fully naked and in position… I was fully clothed and drinking tea and staring at her… And… doing nothing else.
Within 5 minutes, cum had began to run down her inner thighs.
I had embraced the fullness of everything I had been taught. Everything I had yearned for.. all that time spent, those hours of tutelage, all that training had come into full fruition. And all I did was something simple.. drink tea and be myself.
A lot of people mistake my confidence for ego.
A lot of people think that the person I portray on my tumblr isn’t who exists in real life.
“The respect you earn will be worth the most. Dont ever expect it. Just do what you know to do and it will come natural”
And with simple things, simple living, simple this simple that… everything becomes rather complex. Everything becomes vivid and deliberate. When you come to the table with no expectations, you are rarely ever disappointed. When you have no expectations, you have no reason to judge.
And how can I live without judgment… how is it that I understand and seem to be this giant lighthouse for everyone?
Experience breeds wisdom.
Been there, done that.
I know pain.. sorrow.. I know joy.. I know the depths at which life can take a person. I know what its like to want to die… to realize I should live. Ive been there… Ive been there when all hope seemed lost. Ive been there, shaking in the corner after being violated… Ive been there when all trust was lost. Ive been there when the indention of a gun barrell slowly fades from the skin in your temple. Ive been there when she waited a few seconds longer than I did… and squeezed. Ive been there… staring at the medication bottle and wondering what would happen… Ive been there holding a dying person in my arms who looked into my eyes and told me they were sorry. Ive been there when the police arrived.. Ive been there in the dead of night when you sit on your roof and stare at the stars and curse the sky. Ive been there.. on the floor with a bloody nose and sore ribs. Ive been there and watched it all slip away…
And in every occurrence.. ive always looked forward. Ive always known that there was something better, that there was hope at the end.. its what keeps me motivated and going even today. Through the issues and the pain and the solitude, through the depths of my roadblocks.. it keeps me moving forward.
“Mistakes are opportunities. Always make the best of every one of them”
and so I do. Every mistake is a chance to improve. To be better tomorrow than I was yesterday.. and I do my best to bring those like me along for the journey.
So why do I do what I do?
Because this knowledge is sacred. because a promise made is a promise kept. Because when I was at my lowest, someone reached down into my grave and pulled me out and breathed new life into my lungs…
I do this because I cannot sit by and watch anyone fall to the wayside. I cannot let those who were once like me be taken advantage of, and abused, and kicked around.. I cannot let this wisdom that was so graciously placed in me just rot away.
I do this for every little.. and every daddy.. and every submissive.. and every kitten, puppy, piggy, slave, etc that exists within this beautiful culture and lifestyle that I have immersed myself in and grown within and fostered and found to be real and true.
I do this because no one else will… no one else does.
The posts, the answers, the stories, everything… its all for you. YOU. Not for me… I am second within this great drama that is my tumblr. This is all for you and those will come after.
Its the reason I read the stories.. because I know you need them for one thing or another. Its the reason I make the posts to teach and educate so you know better.. its the reason I give my time and sacrifice myself to be there no matter what. Its the reason I do what I do.. is because of all of you.
Thats why I am there. Yes there are thousands of you… thousands of strangers who come to me for everything and anything.
I saved someones life this week. I helped another on a date… i helped another choose special items for special time with their boyfriend. I helped someone else prevent an anxiety attack… I helped another prepare for a job interview.. and I did it all because I had to. I did it all because of the spirit inside of me that says I cant not do it….
I do it all……for you……
…. because it was done for me.