I’m Bisexual and Ashamed
hello, this is my coming out story and why im ashamed of who I am.
So, i think i was in fourth grade when i was questioning weather or not I liked girls. Everytime i saw a girl at the store or someone famous i thought was cute i always yelled at myself and was like “No I dont think shes cute I just like her shorts” stuff like that, trying to convince myself that I was straight.
It wasnt until the summer between 5th and 6th grade that I sorta started to accept it. I have a best friend and she has a sister, her sister is pan and when I met her she was with a girl. Firstly, she was fucking hot, and secondly I looked up to her because she was so open about her sexuality. Beforehand I didnt know any LGBTQ+ people.
In sixth grade I got my first “boyfriend” I didnt totally accept my sexuality yet, or better yet I didnt know the term “Bisexual” so the fact that I had a boyfriend made me think that “Well since I like a guy I cant possibly like girls” then when I heard the term “Bi” I was like ooohhhh so you can like both genders, cool! and from there I accepted it, and boom! im out to myself.
Then came seventh grade, I really liked this girl. I became friends with her and we started dating. But heres the catch, She was popluar, im not. She decided it would be a good idea to tell everyone we were dating, even though I was only out to my best friend and my sister.
Shit hit the fan from here. there was very little amount of people who accepted us… well, more like her. I had to explain to every single person in my grade that I was Bi. Since she was popluar she didnt get half as much backlash, barely any for that matter. For a good two days straight I couldnt walk down the hall without someone calling me a name. I broke up with her thinking it would make things better… spoiler alert, it didnt work.
I was so hurt by what that girl did. she outed me, and if you know what thats like, you know how much it hurts. I was bullied by these three guys spificly. they were just so hurtful. I begged my mom to stay home so I could avoid it. I wasnt out to her yet so I never told her why I didnt want to go to school.
half way through 7th grade I finally told my mom, she told me “Theres no such thing as Bisexuality, youre either gay or straight” that hurt me so much. Not only did she tell me my sexuality wasnt a thing she also outed me to so many people I wanted to tell myself. She told my grandma, my aunt, my uncle, and everytime she told someone she put quotations around bi.
Its been around 3 years since i was outed, Im 16 now, going into junior year and its still not easy. I thought that when I went to high school itd get better. It didnt. the Bulling got so bad that I went to the princaple to try and get them to stop. The princaple told me he couldnt do anything because he “didnt see a problem” and instead he gave me a detiton for “wasting my time” and “Not going to class” which was just such an eye opener for me.
yes its 2017 but in my case, LGBTQ+ still isnt acceptable, it could be because I live in a small town but that shouldnt change the fact that people are still too afraid to come out, and for a good reason. I was never ready to come out. I was outed, and I was bullied about it since I was 12, when i was still figuing out exactly everything. From being called such bad named and being invalidated by my family, you can understand why I feel like something is wrong with me and why I try to cover it up. to this day I still avoid liking girls as best I can. everytime I do fall for a girl I emeditly get so anxious and worried that she will to get made fun of or that Ill get made fun of more. I dont know how to end this other than I needed to get it out and Im sorry for anyone who had bad coming out experiences. The internet and this platform has helped me alot, and I just wanted to share my story.