ALRIGHT, LET’S JUST GET THIS FORMALIZED. I haven’t been around very often lately and I’m sure everyone’s just “Lilly’s being flaky again” which I mean I don’t blame you. I tend to disappear frequently and for no actual reason, but okay like. I should at least give you a reason. That’s just the polite thing to do instead of me making mildly passive aggressive posts.
I hate the way I write. Like this isn’t an artist’s gaze or whatever. No, I legitimately cannot stand the way I write anymore. I feel like it’s either too dry, too redundant, too generic. I cannot bring myself to write anything of heavier content without cringing. With any genre, I just? I can’t do it. I’ve been trying to rework my writing style, but nothing’s changing and I assume with time this will pass. But as of right now, I can’t stand it. I also find myself less attached to Shun and I believe that’s just because of time.
It may also, of course, be because I feel that I don’t? Get to write anything with her. That’s not anyone’s fault. It’s mine for making her out to constantly be the butt of a joke.
I also feel out of place. I just don’t feel like I have a place in the community anymore. Rather, it feels like I’m good to talk to when it’s convenient but not good to talk to any other time and I get it. It’s not anyone’s fault. But it’s hard for me to want to be here when I feel like there’s no place for me to speak to anyone, etc. I feel as though y’all might just be better off without me in the end or that my absence is not particularly substantial to anyone in the first place. Again, that’s probably my fault. Still.
In short: I’m uncomfortable with my writing, my characterization, and uncomfortable in general.
So, I’ll be taking a leave of absence for a while. I’ll check in and maybe write a few replies here and there, but I figured I should post this up so at least you know where I fucked off to.
so the more i think the more i realize that my old art style was better? like…i understand proportions more now but thats abt it. like a class that cost a lot didnt help me that much. i also went back to my old art and it was so expressive? no same face? when did it change and can i go back is the real question now…