i dont know where half of these came from

Australian Slang Guide

These are ones I hear and use on a daily basis. There are hundreds more but they’re not as commonly used as people might think - these are.
I may have missed a few because I did not realise it was specific to Australia. (Like bogan, I thought that was worldwide until my other half told me otherwise)

shits and giggles - for the hell of it / why not / because I could.
“Why on earth would you pour custard down his pants!?”
“Shits and giggles.”

cracked the shit - got angry very suddenly / completely lost it
“So what happened?”
“I don’t know man, she just randomly cracked the shit.”

thongs - jandals. flip flops. those rubber shoe things that have the bit that goes in between your big toe and second toe.

bludger - generally lazy person / that one ass hole at the party who makes the most mess yet none of the cleaning / almost a lazier version of a mooch

bogan - someone who generally does not bother with personal appearance or hygiene / unemployed bludger / those people who look like they should have stinky lines and flies

bloody oath - fuck yes / i wholeheartedly agree my friend, you are most certainly right, there is no possible way I could agree with you more heartily right now; but more vulgar / equivalent to an American “Fuckin’ A”

Bloke - generally just means male / but has evolved to the fact you can use it as a decription meaning very butch, outdoorsy or a friendly term of endearment.
“Yeah he’s a real blokey kinda guy.” - butch
“Yeah he’s a good bloke.” - endearment

Sheila - generally means female / but once again has evolved into a decription meaning the idealistic housewife or someone who looks extremely damn hot but in an athletic, tan, big boobed lets go hiking in the woods type way.
“Whoa, check out that Sheila.” - looks
“Yeah, she’s a damn good Sheila.” - housewifey

bored shitless - bored but they need you to know it’s gone past normal boredom / the kind of boredom you get when your on a road trip by yourself and the radio or mp3 cord doesn’t work

piss up - party involving alcohol

shits me to tears - extremely frustrated / beyond angry / can be used about a situation or about a person 
“All these road works shits me to tears" - situation
"He shits me to tears so much that I think I may just slit his throat" - person

cark(ed) it - died.

hey - this isn’t necessarily slang but we do use it somewhat differently. We tend to use it as a "aye!” or “yeah?!” or “right?!” like a question of “you agree? / get what I mean” at the end of the sentence. Can also be used as ‘so you know.’ I just remember when I first came over I was quite confused because it sounded like everyone was trying to get my attention at the end of their sentence instead of the start.
“It was amazing, hey!” - more like a silent question if you agree
“I’m so pissed off, hey.” - statement

chunder - vomit.

cactus - not functioning / damn bloody useless / just pretty much shit
“This dildo is cactus" 

dag - a goof / that funny person who can be somewhat slow on the joke / that person who will get on the dance floor and purposely do the worst possible moves they can.
"So I accidentally slapped someone with my hair today because I thought it would be funny to WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH.”
“You’re such a dag”
can also be meant as an insult, generally towards strangers if they’re an idiot but not with any friendly feelings strung along with it.
“Look at that dag singing along to Justin Bieber”
Can also be used as 'daggy’ which means somewhat scruffy clothes, the type of clothes you wear around the house when you’re not expecting anyone.

spit the dummy - refer to cracked the shits

absolutely spewing - pretty pissed off / i cannot believe it I’m so annoyed / usually used for annoyance rather than anger
“Someone wore the exact same outfit as me to the piss up, I was absolutely spewing!”

durry - cigarette

esky - chilly bin / cooler / that insulated bucket case type thing you take when you go camping and put ice in it to keep your drinks cool

off your face / off chops - extremely drunk

hit the piss / get on the piss - lets go get drunk / start drinking / can also be used in past tense to getting drunk

shonky - dodgy

ripper - kind of used more by older Australians but basically means amazing, great, awesome. Can also be used for a person.
You bloody ripper!” - person
“Oh that was a ripper of a catch!” - general term

trackie dacks - sweat pants / track suit / give up on life pants

shits sake - for fucks sake, we just like the word shit better

geezer - we generally don’t use this in reference to old man like most, we use it to mean had a look.
“I could hear some weird noises so went and took a geezer and a snake tried to bite off my face.”

squiz - refer to geezer

doona - duvet / bedspread

root - have sex with

G'day - Okay if you don’t know what G'day means then I’m about 99% sure you don’t what the fuck Australia is.

off your rocker - completely insane


No one here uses the word shrimp. We call it a prawn. I’ve no idea where the original theory we say 'shrimp’ came from.

goon - this is a disgusting boxed wine that is so damn cheap and revolting it’s like grapes vomited and some dick weed decided to box it and sell it in the wine section. Generally associated with bogans.

piss farting around - fucking around / not really doing anything / slacking off
“He was supposed to be serving the customers but I found him piss farting around in the back so I fired the bludger.”

drop bears - a unified Asutralian secret that we use on tourists.

things like sickie, aussie, mozzie, rollie, sunnies, pressie, brekkie, pommie all that sort of shit is just the word shorted with an 'ie’ on the end.
Example, the words just mentioned are sick day, Australian, mosquito, rolled cigarette, sunglasses, present, breakfast, Englishman / British.

Want to know your Australian name?
Take your name, shorten it, and add an 'O’ or 'IE’ or 'Y’ to it.
John - Jonno.
James - Jimmy / Jimbo
Rodney - Rod / Roddo / Roddie
Joshua - Joshie
Dewayne - Dewayney

If it cannot work with your first name we usually revert to doing it with your other given names or last name.
You can even do it with peoples nick names.
For example, a friend we nick named Mooch became Moochy.
Easiest way to follow this rule is to make it as obnoxious as possible and your set.

Have fun

Ok so major vent/fuck coworkers post because I swear if I don’t I’m going to punch this fucker’s teeth in. Its long without a tl;dr so im sorry viewers

There is this slimey mother fucker at my work… lets name him Graig… and he is that insufferable “teacher’s pet” kind of person (read as: the store manager’s bitch), and hes that fuck that will kiss everyone’s ass and act really nice and polite but then actively talks shit and tries to snitch on u for something u may or may not have done the moment ur back is turned. But he talks the most shit on people who are “in his way” (ie: people whi arent managers but are still in a higher position than him) and he actively tries to sabotage blue shirts because he thinks that if the one in front of him is gone they have no choice but to make him a blue shirt. In every case he successfully pisses off a blue shirt to the point they leave, my manager just hires another blue shirt

Here’s a little segway to explain how the heirarchy of Dankin Doodoos works. At the top of a specific store is the manager who wears a red shirt in the middle are the shift leaders who wear blue shirts and at the bottom are the crew who wear white shirts

Now backstory for Graig so this will make sense: at this point he is a White Shirt and hes pissed because he is p much the store’s bitch and all he does is complain about how he doesnt have a Blue shirt, how he deserves a blue shirt even tho he takes waaaaay too many short cuts, actively ignores when Blue shirts ask him to do something or tell him to move to a different station, actively creates and perpetuates rumors to cause discourse, is very rude to customers, didnt know how to do most stuff that ur p much supposed to learn in training, literally fucks up most of his drinks, etc the list goes on and on for why he shouldn’t have one and shouldnt even work here for that matter and we were all even told by our District Manager (a big higher up) he will never have a blue shirt. I came to work at this location after him but as a whole I was an actual manager at my old store so i was immediately put in a blue shirt position. He was not happy about that one fucking bit. I didn’t care. I was nice to him, hoping if i didnt give him anything to bitch about hed eventually fuck off and do his goddamn job.

Now onto the reason I say fuck Graig. I used to stream myself playing video games on twitch on my off time from work, which was A) a great stress reliever and B) something I’ve wanted to make a career for a while now. My manager knew I used to do this because I’d gush about how much I loved doing it so much. Id given a lot of my coworkers my twitch url and told them to come watch some time and it was all fun!

But then one day my manager calls me into the office (with, of course Graig pretending to need shit out the office every 5 seconds so he can eavesdrop) and she tells me that someone had sent the url of one of my stored videos on twitch to my the district manager. It would have been all good, because i literally never say anyone’s name and i never say i work for Dankin, it was just a fun stream i did with my friend and honestly my hair was long and i look way different with my hair pulled up so i might not have even been recognised so any of the foul language and dicks and stuff i joked about wouldnt have even mattered. But of course they absolutely had to try and get me with something, so they saw my shirt, which said DankinRonpa (a parody of Danganronpa) on it with a bear on it was close enough to the Dankin Doodoos design that I was representing my location and decided that everything i was doing was inappropriate so I was literally almost fired. And my district manager even made the comment that she had saved the url to my page so that shes going to check in from time to time to make sure im not doing anything inappropriate. Thankfully my manager saved my ass by pointing out it was a first time offense, i didn’t know that my shirt would let people know where i work, promised it wont happen again etc etc

I was so upset i still havent back streaming because im terrified shell keep her promise. So now if i want to continue streaming i have to abandon my current twitch channel (and all 200 followers) and start fresh.

Of course after my shift is over my actual friend that worked there at the time also as a blue shirt let me know that Graig decided he had “had enough of me” and decided to prove that he had “eyes everywhere” and sent the link to my district manager.

And the kicker? The real fucking kicker? He got a job as a assistant manager at a dollar corporal and he had put in his two weeks in the same fucking email he sent my twitch url in. He legitimately had no fucking reason to do it other than to be a petty piece of shit.

Oh and even after he left, he kept calling the store, asking whoever answered the phone how much they were making, then told them they could make more at his dollar corporal like are you fucking serious? And what hes doing is trying to convince people to leave their job here and to come work under him. And from what the other managers say, its because he acts like hes a fucking bigshot and yells at everyone and hes already driven off half the staff.

And wouldnt you know it, because of that they severely cut his hours to the point where he came crawling back this past week. But because right now, my store is so severely understaffed because all the hires have additudes and refuse to come in on time, they damn near handed him a blue shirt.

But he always nags me when i dont let him touch my drawer or count the safe, or let him in drive thru. “Oh why dont you trust people?” And then try to guess why: “is it that rumor i heard about you getting in trouble over youtube?” And honestly that pisses me off even more because he was there when i had the conversation with someone esle i worked with and even asked questions about it, so he knows. And one of these days hes going to catch me when im not in uniform and not in the store and im gonna whoop his fucking ass if he doesnt leave me alone

Exo’s reaction to you being kidnapped

Aw thank you (: Here you go.


Chanyeol: You and Chanyeol were walking to Milky Bee because he promised to buy you a picture perfect ice-cream rose as a token of his love. The queue was pretty long and your legs were starting to hurt. “Y/N, go and sit down, I’ll bring the ice cream to you” he flashed his adorable smile. “Okaaayy” you replied and sat down on the two steps which led to an alley-way. Around 5 minutes later, Chanyeol got the ice-cream he promised and turned around to walk back to you, but he noticed your absence. “Y/N..?” He looked around in clear confusion. “Come ou-” before he managed to finish his sentence, he noticed you being dragged through the alley-way by a large, middle-aged man. “Y/N!” He yelled, while dropping your ice-cream and sprinting towards you. Unfortunately, Chanyeol couldn’t reach you in time because you disappeared into thin air along with the man. “Oh god..no no NO!” Tears formed in Chanyeol’s eyes, until he gave up and started crying. “I’ll do anything t-to find you..”

Sehun: “Aiiiigoo, I need to use the restroom” you mumbled, while unconsciously sipping on your bubble tea. “You wouldn’t have to if you didn’t drink so much bubble tea!” He sighs and motions towards a restroom in the cafe opposite where you were sitting. “Just go there and hurry up, we don’t have all day.” You nodded and hurried off to the restroom. Once you got in, you noticed that the lights were turned off. Naturally, you were kinda freaked out, but shrugged it off and turned the lights on. Just as you did so, a man was standing in front of you with a baseball bat. He hit you in the head before you could have reacted. He dropped the bloody bat, picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, then walked out with the pretext of you fainting.

15 minutes have passed and you were nowhere to be seen. ‘Where is this woman? How can such a little person pee for so long?’ He stood up and walked to the cafe. Hardly anyone was in it. He discreetly walked into the restroom and noticed a baseball bat lying on the floor with blood. “…..Y/N?” There was no answer. Sehun walked out and asked a waitress if they have seen a girl wearing a plain blue shirt walk into the bathroom. She nodded and said a man was taking her out because she fainted, and according to him, she was his girlfriend. Sehun panicked and did not know what to do, so he kept still for a short while and tried to process what he had just heard.

Kai: Kai has been teaching you their ‘Call Me Baby’ dance for the past 3 hours. “I’m tired Kai”, you pouted “I need a break”. “okay Y/N” he gave you a soft kiss on the lips and grinned. You smiled back at him and started walking towards the door. “Where you going?” the curious Kai asked. You told him you were going to the drink machine to get some water for him and yourself. “Just hurry up, I wanna show you something” he winked and continued practicing the choreography. You took a 2 minute walk to the drink machine while texting your mum about your supper. Once you got to the machine, you inserted the money and chose 2 waters. “You don’t seem like someone who would drink water”, you heard an unfamiliar voice behind you. You tried to turn around but the person placed a bag over your head. You still had your phone in your hands, so you typed in a mixture of letters, hoping they would be readable before dropping your phone onto the floor and being dragged away.

Kai was starting to get worried since you have been gone for over 10 minutes. “I swear if she went home without me..” He smirked to himself and made his way to the drink machine. Once he got there, he noticed your phone lying on the ground. ‘That’s strange..’ He picked the phone up and looked at the screen to find ‘JELP ME, IN IN DANHER’ written on it. He got so angry and frustrated with himself, it took him a few minutes to calm down and think about what to do next.

Baekhyun: You and Baekhyun were at Tomorrowland with the rest of the members. “Baekyunnie, hurry up! I wanna get closer!” You chuckled while holding his hand and dragging him closer to the stage. He laughed charmingly “Aish, we’ll get there babe!” As you were walking, you felt like someone was following you, but you ignored that feeling thinking you were paranoid. More and more people were starting to gather around and it became harder for you and Baekhyun to stay closer together. You felt your hands slipping until you were no longer holding his hand. Instead, you felt something grab your other hand and drag you to the other side of the stage. Baekhyun noticed that something was wrong so he picked up his pace and started pushing people out of his way. “YAH! YAH! Y/N?!” a swarm of people surrounded him, until you were no longer in his sight. Lay came running to Baekhyun when he saw his facial expression turn from extremely happy to miserable. “Where is Y/N” Lay asked. “I-I dont know..she disappeared…” he half whispered. His voice was breaking and he felt tears roll down his soft cheeks. “We need to find her, Lay”

D.O: You thought it would be a great idea if you both went to a haunted house. At first, Kyungsoo was against that idea because the last time you went to a haunted house, you freaked out and ended up bawling your eyes out which broke his heart. “Aish, just this one time” he muttered. You both set off at 9pm when it was starting to get fairly dark. “Y/N, stay close to me” he said before going inside. Almost immediately you ran off and left him. “OI I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE ME!” He shouted and started running after you. You kept running until you heard a whisper in the room opposite you. “Kyungsoo? How did you get here so quickly?” Thinking the whisper came from your boyfriend, you went inside and got grabbed by a teenage boy with a hoodie who had covered your mouth with his hand that was holding a rag with chloroform that immediately knocked you out.

A fairly short amount of time later, Kyungsoo was beginning to get nervous. He’s been calling out your name for a while but you have not responded and you were nowhere to be seen. Just when he was about to give up, he walked into a small room, and found a rag on the floor. He knew what it was. “Y/N! JAGI!” He ran out and started screaming for you. “GOD HELP ME” he cried.

Suho: It has been a week since you were kidnapped and Suho had still not found you. If only he hadn’t left you at the shopping center on your own, he would have had you in his arms, but instead, he is on the radio news, asking if anyone has seen you. “She was wearing a floral dress a-and pretty sandals.. her hair was curled and she s-still had that flower in her hair…”His voice was breaking. “Please help me find her..I-I can’t live without her..”


Chen: Chen has never felt like this before. He felt so hopeless and angry but he could not have done anything. It was hard for him to keep his anger hidden. “WHERE WILL I GET ALL THIS MONEY FROM!” he screamed while trying not to bang his fist against the hard, wooden table. He called everyone he knew and asked for financial help. Without money, he would never see you again. 

Lay: You and Lay have been at home watching TV downstairs. “hey catch this!” you said and threw a piece of popcorn at him. He caught it in his mouth with no problem. “Woah, impressive!” you laughed. He was about to say something when suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. “I’ll answer”, you said excitedly, hoping it would be the pizza delivery guy. You walked over to the door and opened it to be greeted by darkness. You took a step outside to make sure nobody was there when suddenly you felt a pair of hands grab you and drag you into a car. You managed to scream which alarmed Lay. He ran outside to you but it was already too late. The car had driven you away.

Kris: You and Kris where having a walk in the park during the night because you couldn’t sleep and needed fresh air. You kept talking in a lowered voice because a group of boys kept following you. Kris hadn’t noticed this and spoke out loud. The group of guys drew nearer you. “Kris, I’m scared..” you whispered. Soon after, one of the guys punched Kris in the crotch and the two others had grabbed you and ran off with you while Kris was lying on the ground in pain. “Y/N! COME BACK!” he had started crying from the pain and the fact that you were not with him.

Luhan: He stared at Sehun who was with you when it happened. “You’re joking. Where is she?” Sehun remained silent and looked at the ground. “WHERE IS SHE!?” Luhan screamed while grabbing his friend by the collar of his white shirt. He was practically in tears right now. He let go of his grip after a couple of seconds and fell onto his knee. “Get out. I don’t want to see you” He glared at Sehun in disgust and attempted to come up with a plan on getting you back. Of course he blamed Sehun for what had happened.

Tao: You were happily watching Tao fight during one of his MA performances. “TAOOO FIGHTING!” you smiled at him and continued cheering him on. Halfway through you were approached by a younger guy who said that you can go and meet Tao at the back after he was done. Of course, you agreed, thinking you’ll get to see Tao sooner and kiss his sweet lips. You walked to the back but once you got there the guy grabbed you and forcefully began shoving you outside through the backdoor.

After the MA performance was over, Tao walked to the back but did not see you. He looked for you everywhere but you were gone. “Y/N!?” He began freaking out. “BABY?”

Xiumin: The deed was done. you were stolen and Xiumin was not there to save you. He didn’t know where you were or how it happened. In fact, he wasn’t even there. Your mother had told him about what had happened and at first he couldn’t believe it. “what do I do”- he would often find himself saying. His mind was completely blank.


This is an amazing video. My wife and I agreed to always tell our children about being conceived via donor and about half siblings out there. Our donor has a facebook page with most of the recipients he donated to which i think is a great thing. 

Not tellng your child they are conceived via donor is up to you, its no different than not telling your child they are adopted.(which i dont agree with though) But this video  shows the children are curious of where they came from and I for one wont stop my children from looking and meeting their donor.  We have photos of him but know very little about him. 

First question Rose and Dave have: why the fuck is there two of this dude?  Also why is one of them dead?

ARADIA: you see??
ARADIA: i told you they would bring your body
SOLLUX: ok, well i believed y0u about that, but yeah, i can see that.
SOLLUX: eugh, can s0meone get rid 0f that thing please?
ARADIA: oh!!!
ARADIA: sollux lets do it!
SOLLUX: what.
ARADIA: the corpse party!

After thousands of pages and mutual trolling the two alien speeches finally meet for the first time. And this is what happens. I expected nothing less.

ARADIA: theres no better time and there are so many corpses here to work with
ARADIA: is everybody ok with that? do you want to have a big corpse party?
ARADIA: we can incinerate the remains in the sun it will be just glorious
ROSE: Corpse party?
ARADIA: rose!
ARADIA: can you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like?
ROSE: Of course.
ROSE: I would describe it as an occasion marked by a great deal of jubilation at the expense of one or more well dressed cadavers.
DAVE: hahaha oh god

And Rose doesn’t even miss a beat.  And here I thought that they might actually be semi-serious for a few seconds.

ARADIA: i couldnt have put it better myself
ARADIA: could you go into more detail?
ROSE: Well, in my experience, a loved one, typically an elder, arranges to have the departed placed in a small box, and then forces you to stand in the rain all day.
ROSE: Then, presumably winded by all the deeply ironic catharsis, she gets drunk and passes out on the couch.
DAVE: oh my god we are never going to stop fucking with each other are we
DAVE: even without computers

No Dave, no you are not. Also I love how Rose does all this without a hint of irony even though the deceased is a cat. Holy shit these interactions are going to be fucking amazing.

ARADIA: hmmm that sounds just a tad specific
ARADIA: we may have to adapt the proceedings to be a little more
ARADIA: i dunno
ARADIA: multicultural i guess?
SOLLUX: err…
ARADIA: why dont you all do some brainstorming about what kind of funeral to have while i go round up the bodies!
SOLLUX: aradia, FUCK.
SOLLUX: will y0u co0l it on the c0rpse party shit for a minute?
ARADIA: whats the matter?
SOLLUX: i mean, everyb0dy here has just met, and i guess just went through a l0t of really heavy bullshit, d0 you think that maybe this isn’t the best thing t0 harp on right n0w?

Honestly, given said heavy bullshit, some levity would be appreciated.  Also come on Sollux it’s like you don’t even know any of these people. What would possibly lead you to believe that they weren’t going to continue the trolling into meatspace?

ARADIA: i just thought it would be a nice thing to bond over
SOLLUX: not everyb0dy is as into death as y0u though. like, it’s c0ol t0 see you s0 excited about s0mething, i’m seriously thrilled ab0ut that.
SOLLUX: but frankly it’s all pretty fucking morbid t0 everybody, i just th0ught you sh0uld know.
ARADIA: am i really that bad?
ARADIA: sorry
ARADIA: i guess ive spent enough time here that i just dont see death as the terrible thing the living make it out to be
ARADIA: i honestly feel like its a reason to celebrate!

Well, over half of the present company has died and come back at some point, so she’s not totally off base.  If anything it’s the fact that she’s annoyingly chipper that’s going to bug people.  Also shouldn’t Karkat, Kanaya, and Terezi be wondering where the fuck Aradia came from and why she’s alive and not a robot? (Gamzee is too out of it to give a shit at this point)

ARADIA: death fan girl thing?
ARADIA: what do you mean
ARADIA: you think so?
ROSE: I’m going to agree with my fellow seer on this.

You could have a worse psychopomp, I guess.

TEREZI: S33???

So LE is death to trolls. Why am I not surprised?  The fact that Aradia’s ancestor the handmaiden is fitting, I guess.

DAVE: yo terezi weve got a grim reaper too
DAVE: shit isnt that novel
DAVE: i mean i think even a civilization full of the laziest sons of bitches are gonna make up a myth figure for death
DAVE: like oooh watch OUT death is coming for you hes got like
DAVE: a SKULL and shit
DAVE: i basically have no fucking imagination that sounds badass to me
DAVE: wait wait no how about hes got a BLACK ROBE too
DAVE: and a fuckin scythe to fuckin slash at you with in case you didnt die all the way or whatever
DAVE: daaaaaamn now youre talking bro
DAVE: lets go ahead stick that in our culture forever

Oh come on, Dave, the skull and black robes might be cliched as hell but the scythe has all sorts of symbolic value.  Also, Dave would shit himself if he ever saw a Dullahan.  Headless dude riding a giant wagon made out of bones and whip made from a human spine who throws blood at you if you get in his way.  Holy crap it’s like something a moody teenager would doodle during math class.

Or, you know, this:

It’s quite… non-traditional.

DAVE: hell yes
TEREZI: W3 M1GHT 4S W3LL B3 TH3 S4M3 D4MN SP3C13S!!! >:D

This is exactly how I imagined Karkat’s reaction.