i dont know what this meme is im making it up as i go along

Memeteen guide to Seventeen

S.coups: 

  • carats make fun of his stage name holding a couple s.coups of icecream and a S.cup of noodles 
  • chicc
  • the poor man between jeongjicheol
  • papa coups 
  • embarrasing dad
  • wings it at choreo sometimes
  • has 12 children 
  • wants to c h o k e jeonghan
  • the type of dad that would challenge his 5 yr old child to a game of soccer and then gets too competitive and swerves that bitch to get goals
  •  his smile and his smile alone gave one of Seventeen’s stages a crap ton of views
  • say the name!
  • camel
  • piggy bank
  • beagle leader
  • “eyes look like 9:15″
  • eyelashes for ddaayyyysss
  • Everybody SCREAMM
  • fireworks are the only enemy
  • My EGG YOLK T-T
  • members rebel against him at times
  • someone save him


Jeonghan:

  • John-Oops I mean Jeonghan
  • Laying down is his preferred physical state
  • swindler
  • long hair majestic unicorn and short hair majestic prince. He majestic no matter what fam
  • “Joshua was the first one to approach me”
  •  toucher of asses 
  • shamelessly feeds off of members’ love 24/7
  • Makes members have couple wallpaper and phone cases with him 
  •  "angel"
  • the mother of Seventeen
  • “Dino, nugu aegi?”
  • All members are under his spell
  • giraffe running
  • Jeonghan’s warm cup of milk
  • sa-sa-say the name seventeen 
  • Doubts OFD pds
  • bitter smile of betrayal 
  • vernon crushed his balls once
  • athletic with no stamina
  • creator of the Carat mating call: *incoherent screaming*


Joshua:

  • Gentleman
  • fukn weeaboo
  • the b e s t freestyle rapper in Seventeen. Dont @ me
  • ded meme(?) “Jisoos Christ”
  • The ‘normal one’-SIKE bitch
  • That poor waterbottle
  • When-one-of-the-members-wear-a-shirt-with-questionable-english-words-everyone-blames-me-lol  guy
  • I pledge allegence to the flag of the united states of amerca and to the re-
  • dRinK WaTeR
  • pin drop and worm master +uncle dance
  • pingpong vlive 
  • “EAT THIS” signature move
  • “over here”
  • The english teacher everyone wants and deserves 
  • white cap
  • Chicken can heal the heart
  • L.A motherfuckerss
  • piggy bank
  • “Ïm part of vocal unit too! T-T”


Jun

  • Heechul’s reincarnated body that was too early bc he aint ded lol
  • chinaline
  • child actor 
  • nyeac nyeac 
  • logos are out to get him 
  • eyeroll king 
  • punny and awkward
  • king of china
  • 404 lines not found
  • My I now
  • “Ice ice froze.” (that crazy in love Wonwoo lyric) moments
  • sexy expression
  • convinced he is the number one visual 
  • shy vlives
  • proceeds to tell members to call him handsome in chinese
  • ofd positivity boy


Hoshi: 

  • naega hosh + pose
  •  What time is it? 10:10 bitches
  • ‘ten hour ten minute’
  •  shinee’s biggest fanboy
  •  from soft 1 to hipthurst 100  real quick.
  • HAM HAM. HAMHAMHAMHAM
  • My name’s soonyoung call me soon
  • hamster cheeks
  • suffers with spicy food
  • beurora hurricane
  • Coco his chicken 
  • his love for the angsty teen makne 
  • “HEy MIDDLE" 
  • glitter face
  • pretty u first win cry face
  • Mounteen
  • kwon fire
  •  making dances out of things that inspire him; ex: crab, octopus, noodles, street lamp, backpack
  • kwon edward soonyoung 
  • refuses to be bottom visual 
  • rivalry with seungkwan and wonwoo 
  • claps like a child
  • KWON SOONYOUNG FIGHTING *wakes up* 'YYEEEEAAAHHH”
  • Grandma


Wonwoo:

  • lowkey highkey loves his own visuals 
  • beanie bro 
  • garden fairy 
  • voice so deep adele’s rollin in it 
  • “life is hamburger”
  • cheese burger aegyo 
  • emo 
  • let him sing fam
  • fukn nerddd 
  • sick wonwoo days with the plushy
  • Tsundere™
  • make him an actor pls 
  • got hit in the balls with a ball one time 
  • nose crinkle 
  • specs 
  • lack of highfives
  • middle school’s dance machine
  • him vs. Hoshi in ofd japan
  • bag of luck


Woozi:

  • Smol bean that would kill for a single cornchip 
  • Reminds me of a old grandpa teddy bear idk lol 
  • Done with life, hates aegyo and human contact, but will accept it when he wants to
  • members mock his crying from pretty u first win every chance they get 
  • if he does anything out of character they tease him about it till no end tbh
  • Suga’s son
  • his need to grab and hit people when he laughs
  • guitar is his greatest weapon
  • ccrriinnggeee & finger ccurrlll
  • producer-nim
  •  adore u is a funky pop song that has fun and fresh lyrics that match seventeen’s age on top of an addictive melody 
  • members exposing his ass in project svt


Dk:

  • the actual sun
  •  built in speakers bc he loud as shit 
  • sacrifices his beautiful face to make people laugh
  •  smile that can cure all the worlds sickness
  •  stop eating cds
  • woojoos_daddy
  • ‘come to daddy’ tee
  • horsemin MAL
  • pigeon
  • GRILLED PPPORRKK
  •  chicc
  •  pure and goes along with jokes the best 
  • heLL0 mY naMe Is LeE SeOkMIN my moTheR’S naMe Is
  • hightone rap
  • wat is basketball? 
  • do it from your heart 
  • Jeonghan’s fool 
  • mosquito 
  • Happy birfthday broo
  • orange peel king
  • wow, unbeliebable  
  • Grandpa
  • Two-teen


Mingyu:

  • MingEW and all his sneezin
  • flowercap boi 
  • tol and clumsy
  • If Seventeen doesnt drop somethign, Mingyu certainly will 
  • actually very organized and neat 
  • Minghousewife 
  • was a cheeto for a split second
  • proud father of OG BongBong 
  • Mingyu sunbaenimmm
  • Seventeen cant live without their swiss army knife 
  • Akita sound
  • oh. my. god. Oho My GOD
  • ‘Your name is bob’
  • Where Is Your Tag???
  • squeals 
  • “Seventeens official visual" 
  • oooo000OOO yEAh 


The8: 

  • got7 bambam taught him how to dab and he never looked back since
  •  thughao
  • IMMA
  • before: Yeah I’ll have her home before 10 ^-^ 

          now: she’ll spend a night at my house ;)

  • nunchuuk daddy
  • 404 no lines found pt.2
  • now My I
  • his predebut pictures are  e p i c
  • side-eye king
  • arms for days
  • fashionista
  • rolled thin porkbelly hair
  • learns more korean to roast bitches
  • flipping is his preferred transportation 
  • dirty dirty jamjam ^-^ *svt flipps out in cringe* 
  • Kermit is his bitch

Seungkwan: 

  • fresh baked buns bebe
  • divaboo
  •  just put boo in any word and it gets 100 times better
  • supports AND hates aegyo
  • Beyonce who?
  • MCboo, talk talk talk. 
  • "Thomas the train” omg rip XD 
  • Vernon’s number 1 fan
  • OHMYGOD JASMIN
  • cries in jeju accent
  • John?
  • Boonon, svts rapper 
  • Oh Laaaddiieesss~~ this is your story 
  • red 
  • haunted house screaming 
  • volleyball fanatic
  •  kimbap kidding? 
  • Crab walks away 
  • Son of Jeju 
  • fashTion 
  • '13th visual’ (fuk nah)
  • Im the BEST quality 


Vernon:

  • child actor but never fukn talks about it
  • attempts vocal runs
  • looks confused most of the time  
  • iconic rap lines “pull up on you wacks with a mac fuly loaded”, “i’m only seventeen i only got a few dollars” “Chili Chicken in the microwave”
  • fortune cookie hair 
  • headlines headlines ( HaJiMAaaaAa, dont mention smtm4)
  • his obsession with hotline bling
  • “speaks english, but forgets that one english word” (bilingual problems)
  • Person: h- 

          Vernon: I was born in america but moved to korea when I was five 

  • Kidney function is not a right its a privilege
  • woke af
  • His mom is my bias
  • teeth
  • bubble pop
  • *slightly lifts glasses* 'ding' 
  • sofia
  • Leonardo Dicaprio AND Leonardo Divinci
  • Dont take him fishing
  • stitch
  • Dat laugh tho
  • lotto
  • My favorite part of Seungkwan is-


Dino:

  • Michael Chanson
  • “Im growing!”
  • not Jeonghan’s aegi
  • we will now forget mansae era duck ass hair
  • Diamond makne
  • “he’s going through puberty now”-Hoshi
  • a new born savage
  • Makne’s visual ranking
  • GloUp of the century
  • “michael jackson version" 
  • bitter smile 
  • loud laugh 
  • *runs over hoshi’s toes with scooter* 
  • *scrolls through phone and half-heartedly says*  I love you.

anonymous asked:

can you tell me about the bts ships? not just otp's, brotps too!

YESSsssSSS I CAN TALK ABOUT BTS SHIPS ALL DAY FAM

but ill only talk about the ones im familiar with:

1. YOONMIN (yoongi/jimin):

ok holy shit where the FUCK do i start with yoonmin. they’ve been my bts otp since day 1 so i have a LOT TO FUCKING SAY LOL 

first off, refer to this post as to why i started shipping them, they have a LOT of cute fucking moments predebut and its been a painfully beautiful journey ever since 2013

before we jump in we need to talk about how YOONGI WROTE A SONG FOR JIMIN BECAUSE HE ADMIRES HOW HARDWORKING JIMIN IS. IF THAT AINT REAL THEN GET TF OUT OF MY FACE LMAo like where dat song @ tho yoongs

ok i need to chill, but theres more:

like jimin being yoongi’s #1 cheerleader at ISAC lmao look at him cheer his name in front of all the fans and other idols with ZERO shame, and then there’s yoongi pretending like he doesnt hear him #typical

^ TYPICAL YOONGI. this ship is very love-hate. mostly false pretense of hate on yoongi’s end and WAAAY TOO MUCH SHAMELESS LOVIN on jimin’s end BUT we all know yoongi’s putting up a front. like there’s actually so many subtle moments where he reveals how much he cares for jimin and they kill me every time, like this one:

but then right back to pretending like he dont give a fuck lmfao:

ALSO THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST LEGENDARY YOONMIN MOMENTS, THE “YOU KNOW. I KNOW.” MOMENT (explanation here) :

this whole v app broadcast was a yoonmin fest and it was a blessing. jimin got him a sweater for yoongis birthday and they basically confessed on live broadcast that they’re soulmates. ugh im so sensitive about this moment

in summary:

  • yoonmin are polar opposites and that heart-pulling cold/warm dynamic they have is super shippable, thus the reason why they’re one of the most popular ships in this fandom
  •  yoongi puts on a cold exterior and doesn’t really show his emotions. jimin on the other hand is super openly loving towards others, especially yoongi, and its really fucking cute how yoongi reciprocates sometimes
  • the two really do care about each other a lot though and it’s really heart warming to see. also yoongi had jimin rap on his Tony Montana stage and it was everything

there’s tons more but for the sake of room lets move on

2. TAEKOOK (Taehyung/Jungkook)

Keep reading

dating hansol

alrighty im probably gonna add more to this later because im Soft™ and this might have a lot of typos, but here we go.

-first off, he is someone who would want to date his best friend. like, there has to be that level of trust snd respect that only best friends have that he wants in a relationship. he also doesn’t want to feel bad if he is a total goof (which he is) because he knows his best friend would never judge him.

-loves loves loveS holding your hand. it is one of his favorite things because he likes having you close to him and isnt a huge fan of pda (only in public, ill get to that later). he just loves lacing his fingers through yours and rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. and he loves it even more when you do it to him.

-not a pda person in public, but when its just you two (or you two and one other person (aka seungkwan)) he is ALL OVER YOU (not like that get ya mind out of the gutter). he’ll pull you into his lap or into his chest and will kiss your forehead or your cheek or like bury his face into you neck or vice versa.

-i briefly mentioned it before but vern is just a huuuge goofball. he absolutely loves it when you play along with his antics, so you would find both of you making up stupid dances and dumb songs and stuff likes that. he knows when to get real and when to get serious and when to chill, but until then, he is a goober.

-fav type of dates are the ones (idek if they count as dates??? cute tho) where yall just stay in, you have the vague area to yourselves, and youre just watching a movie or playing video games. these dates have two moods 1) its been a long day so we’re just chillin (in cedar rapids) and everything is quiet. occasional chatting but with low voices. very sleepy. usually watching a movie or tv show. its dark or there are only fairy lights. sometimes you get deep and cry a lil but everything is well. or 2) ENERGY. playing games ir doing stupid commentary on whatever youre watching. there is no chill. you are loud and despite frantic texts from the members telling you to shuhshshshshshh the two of you are just too excited to be together and have all of this energy!!! you need to get it out!!!!!! memes. there are lots of memes. memes of each other, but also just.,,.., memes. dates usually go something like that.

-loves it when his s/o is super passionate about something. it doesn’t completely matter what it is, as long as it is safe and all that, he just loves it when you have something that you really really love.

-would rap for you a lot. both really good, impressive ones that you can tell he worked really hard on, a d ones that the two of you just made up randomly to make each other laugh. however , he would love it even more if you rapped for him (or tried). he doesn’t care if your good or not, just the fact the you want to become a part of and appreciate something he loves so much makes him glow with happiness.

-listening to music. alllllll the time. he seems to be an open minded peson in general, so my guess is that that carries over to his interest in music too. he would listen to anything, kpop, rap, hip hop, classical, techno, lyrical, ballads, soundtracks, you name it. if there is a genre of music you really like, he would want to become interested in it too, so he could appreciate it with you.

-doesnt really go all out with the couple pet names (doesnt do sweetie or princess and stuff) but sticks to the classics like baby and babe. it makes your heart melt.

-one of his favorite activities to do with you is to play video games!! this is just me but i feel like he would prefer coop or single player games rather then online games. he thinks it adorable when you play a game like skyrim, or something of the sort and you die a lot and get frustrated. you pretend to think he is being a bully when he teases you, but he still thinks your the cutest thing in the universe right there and then.

-gets realllllly soft at night. if the two of you are spending the night or something, he wont let you go to sleep until he gushes and tells you how much he loves you at least 1,000 times. times like these just make your heart soar, and they make you soft and then you get all soft and giggly and tell him you love him 5,000 times and it makes him love you even more.

-would literally cry tears of joy if you and his sister got along. and his mom. and his dad. and his cat. he just wants everyone important to him to get along.

-he has said before that the most important thing in a human is respect, but i also feel like honesty is important to him. he would really want you and maybe even expect you to be as honest as possible, both with you to him and him to you. nothing makes him more upset then you keeping something from him, it makes it feel like you dont trust him, which breaks his heart. this is only of the only things i can imagine him ever “fighting” out about (it barely even counts as fighting. it is an argument usually that would very rarely escalate, and when it did, you would both just take some time to yourself and come back together even stronger and more trusting then you were before).

-usually, vernon is all smiles when he is with you, but like everyone else, he has bad days. maybe it was a long day at practice, maybe he didnt get to talk to his mom that day, or maybe he is just sad. we all have those days. in times like these, he just wants to lay there with you, almost always with soft music. more then anything he just wants a hug. a long, really satisfying and comforting hug. he wants to feel protected and loved, which are all things you are capable of. when you are upset he is always there for you, so please be there for him. idol life is hard, and he will need support.

-honestly, i feel like vern is just a total fluff ball. when its just you two, he gets sooooo corny and goofy and it makes you love him even more. when youre with people you know, he goofs off with everyone and helps you feel included, all while holding your hand or wrapping his arm around your waist. when with people you dont know (or like), his arm is wrapped around you still but tighter, his hand never leaves yours, and he is always checking to make sure youre okay.

-SPEAKING OF, this sweetheart is always worried about you being anxious, or uncomfortable, or unhappy. he is always checking on you, and squeezing your hand, and worrying about you. he just wants you to feel safe and happy.

Bigfoot (Jared Kleinman x Reader)

word count: 5336 (its a big one) 

warnings: swearing (but yall probably knew that already)

YALL im so sorry for how stupid the premise and majority of the dialogue is in this,,,,but tbh im rlly proud of it 

and AS ALWAYS: i live and breath bc of feedback, so dont b shy!! tell me what u think abt this pls !!!!


You leaned against the side of Jared’s car, checking the time on your phone every five seconds as you grew increasingly impatient. He always drove you home, and if either of you were late getting to the car it was typically you.

Okay, it was always you. If nothing else, Jared was punctual.

Usually, at least. This Thursday, he was ten-no wait, eleven-minutes late, and as you stood in the heat you began to consider the thirty minute walk home.  The parking lot had mostly cleared out by now, just a few cars left and even though you knew they weren’t, you couldn’t help but think the underclassmen still waiting for their parents were judging you.

You sighed, checking the time again and rolling your eyes before you heard the slapping of shoes against pavement. You looked up, seeing Jared running towards you.

Keep reading

voltron band au

band au bc???? i fucken wanna ok 

_____

  • shiro is the lead singer n he has one of the most velvety voices ever?? and everyone is like holy shit ma n,,, like holy fuck. he used to just sing in choirs and stuff but he eventually put that aside once befriending the rest of the band. his folks back at his small hometown weren’t exactly happy with his choice of music, but they’re proud enough. but not only can he sing, he can play the guitar too. shiro stans are constantly talking about his sharp handsome features along with his muscles. out of the band, hes the most collected of them all but has a bit of a goofy side that the fans freak out over. 
  • keith plays lead guitar and is a fucking beast at it. everyones a fan of keith’s guitar solos. his electric guitar is colored red and is named the Red Paladin. keith has been playing the guitar since age 8 when he was first put into guitar lessons. additionally, keith adds his own vocals at times and sometimes sings solos in songs. keith stans are attracted to him for his emo-like persona and a few jokingly refer to him as gerard way (which keith doesnt mind until the rest of the band begins calling him that too) and a lot of the fans are attracted to his ~mysterious~ personality. despite looking the scariest, hes actually a puppy at heart and is probably the dorkiest of the group 
  • lance plays the bass and plays it like a god. his rhythm is smooth and constant and everyone’s got a thing for his bass solos. he owns a blue bass that he calls the Blue Paladin (a mirror to keith’s guitar). he first self taught himself the guitar at age 12 and then further on taught himself how to play the bass. he too provides vocals and the group all agrees that he harmonizes best with keith. to the fanbase, he is revered as memelord and king of shitpost. hes the one whos constantly dabbing and making awful jokes at concerts. lance stans love him for his charisma and oozing confidence. he is one of the funniest and light hearted of the band. 
  • pidge plays the keyboard and can play at such a fast rate it rivals sonic’s speed (lance’s words). when shes playing the keyboard she is completely in the zone, eyes trained as her fingers glide across her instrument. in between songs at concerts though, shes always ready to provide a joke at the expense of her teammates (all in love ofc). shes also the one in charge of the effects that go on during concerts (aka how lights will go, whats on the monitors, etc). the smartest of the bunch, pidge is also considered the most savage and wont hold anything back. pidge stans love her for her fiery personality and just maybe bc pidge is adorably tiny 
  • hunk plays the drums and is phenomenal. hes always so enthusiastic to play and has the most energy to play during a concert. his beats are the backbone of their songs and as a member is the heart of the band. he began playing the drums at a young age and was always fascinated by music. he lovingly refers to his drum set as the yellow paladin and he insists pidge call her keyboard the green paladin but she finds it ridiculous. he is also the one they depend on to fix their instruments and equipment, seeing as hes rather handy with those things. hunk’s fanbase loves him for his kind personality and humor. along with keith, he too is a bit of a puppy and the fans l ov e it. hes also the most hard working of the band, always the last one to leave the studio bc he just HAS to get this right. 
  • allura is actually a solo artist herself and was the one who discovered them. she saw them playing at one of their small gigs one time and decided that they needed to tour with her. she is the daughter of alfor altea, owner and creator of Altea Records. allura offers the band a recording label there, to which they agree to gladly. as a solo artist, she has a large following. her voice is known in the business for being so powerful with her barely trying. she serves as a mentor to the band and helps as much as she can. 
  • coran is allura’s manager and works for alfor at altea records. as allura’s manager, he also doubles as the band’s manager too. very quirky and a bit of an oddball, coran always has ideas and is the best when it comes to PR. he too is known by the fans as manager and often stars in the band + allura’s social media. this gains coran a few fans that hes awfully proud of and thinks its the best thing in the universe. (he also lowkey totally has a crush on alfor but as if hed ever act on that but in reality alfor is trying his best to make it known to the redhead that his feelings are reciprocated) 
  • um ofc the band’s name is Voltron what did u expect 
  • shiro and keith were the first ones of the band basically. keith convinced shiro that his voice was fucking good as hell man and that he should quit choir and maybe start up something new 
    • they end up meeting pidge, lance, and hunk after performing at some open mic night bc lance decided hed insult the song they performed (which keith wrote) it was eventually settled when lance admitted that shiro’s voice was amazing though and that keith’s guitar playing was pretty good
      • “not too good of course”
    • after a week or so when shiro first learns that the others play instruments, it hits him that theyve been whats missing all along and eventually they all come together and form voltron 
  • despite originally clashing, keith and lance actually make a pretty good team and write some of the best lyrics together 
  • shiro is constantly acting as a buffer for each of them, often at times having to cross out inappropriate lyrics or song choices
    • “for the last time, pidge, we’re not gonna write a song about birds fucking”
    • “its a perfectly good song and you know it" 
  • hunk coming up with the best beats and rhythms and all out of nowhere just because he was randomly tapping his hands against some object 
  • pidge playing pranks on them during concerts and one time steals shiro’s mic when he’s occupied on a different part of the stage 
  • um yeah ofc the fans ship #klance and the two blush and get flustered over it every time its mentioned but they get together eventually bc honestly everyone saw it coming 
  • the top two things people look forward to in meet and greets: touching shiro’s bicep and getting to experience one of hunk’s bear hugs 
  • fans know about hunk’s passion for cooking so they like to tweet him about it. some even go as far as gifting him food and its honestly the sweetest thing ever
    • hunk sends out a personalized thank you tweet to everyone who gives him food
  • keith is constantly being asked by the fans to wear eyeliner
    • emo style bc they already have shiro wearing winged eyeliner
  • the band going through the the internet to see what fans are saying and being simultaneously overwhelmed with happiness and also confused as to what the hell theyre going on about
    • “why are they calling me daddy? am i a fatherly figure?" 
    • ”…im a sinnamon roll”
    • “wait who the fuck just called me a rip off pete wentz”
    • “why are people making so many memes of keith but not me?? the actual memelord??”
    • “someone just called me a cinnamon roll?? thats the most adorable compliment ever"
  • allura constantly having to Stop them from posting awful things on their social media 
    • “shiro i dont think #dicksoutforharambe is the social movement you want your name tagged onto”
    • “but lance said it was for a good cause”
  • everyone in the band realizes that coran is head over heels for alfor and finds it both hilarious and endearing but also sad bc?? hes so oblivious?? its so obvious alfor likes him back smh 
    • except for lance though. he isnt even aware until hunk makes a joke about coran and alfors’ wedding 
  • their fanbase being called paladins bc why not
    • (sorry im not letting it be called quiznaks. i cant let us be called fucks i just cant)
  • band selfies more like “pidge i understand its difficult for you to be seen but you dont have to stand on the table–no dont argue its not safe”
  • pidge can secretly rap hella good and decides to showcase it one time in lance’s snapchat story
    • SHE RAPS NICKI MINAJ’S MONSTER VERSE ONE TIME N IT IS WILD AF
  • lance wont stop making lance bass jokes and no one knows why exactly
  • o god hunk driving all the fans wild when he throws his drum sticks out to the crowd at the end of a concert and is smiling widely in all his sweat filled glory
  • also shiro totally always purposely wears sleeveless shirts at concerts bc Oh Yeah
    • o and also shiro still has a prosthetic arm in this au just saying 
  • hunk and pidge fucking around with the stage equipment and stuff for shits n giggles
    • until allura and shiro find them n tell them to stop
  • one time lance is told to do the opening to one of their songs at a concert and he just strums his bass idly before saying “anyway, here’s wonderwall”
  • oh my god keith answering interviewer’s questions impulsively without thinking
    • “what part are you from?”
    • “my mother’s womb part”
  • they all adopt a black cat as their band mascot (irl they just wanted a cat) named voltron who constantly wears a multi colored sweater (red,blue,yellow,green) which was knitted personally by lance.
  • pls imagine thEm playig THE VOLTRON THEME SONG EVERY BEGINNING OF A CONCERT

,,,,,,,,, b an d a u

Jared x Reader Pregnancy Head Cannons!!

Some Head cannons

Requested by: @averyto

Enjoy!


- You don’t plan on getting pregnant, you and Jared were married but still living in your small apartment. Your period was late this month, too late, way too late.

- You left for work early telling a still sleepy Jared you had a big project you were working on. He smiled pulling you into him in a half hug, he did this every morning. He’d stand in your small kitchen, wearing only his underwear riding low on his hips, and wait for the coffee to finish brewing. And when you’d inevitably show up next to him he’d pull you into a soft hug and kiss the top of your head.

- You smiled kissing his lips, you were in love with him and you knew he loved you, but you just hoped he could love the little human that may or may not be growing inside you.

- On your way to work you stopped at the store and bought three pregnancy test, you texted your friends who worked with you, in need of desperate help. (Y/Best/Friend) told you to buy three in case you need a tie breaker.

- Once you arrived at work your friends ushered you to the bathroom and made you take the first one. They consoled you while you waited, telling you that everything would be okay and that Jared would still love you. They also made you chug two water bottles

- At the end of the five minutes you check the first test, positive. You weren’t surprised but you were worried. How would you tell Jared? Your friends told you that maybe it’s a fluke and they others would be negative.

- They were wrong. It became hard to focus at work, being that there were three positive pregnancy tests in a ziplock bag in your purse. You wanted to be able to show them to Jared, just to make sure he’d believe you.

- Your drive home was tense, when the traffic was slow you yelled at it to move faster. Once it sped up you yelled at it to slow down. Your fingers tapped the wheel quickly, your free leg bounced rapidly, you were practically shaking.

- When you got home Jared was in the kitchen making dinner, you quietly walked up behind him and hugged him from behind.

- “Oh Jesus. You scared me baby,” he said putting down his ladle and pulling you into a hug. “How was work doll?”

- “Oh um it was fine, slow,”

- “Are you alright you look stressed, what’s eating you?” He asked laying his hand on your cheek

- You laughed dryly. Yeah. He could say you were stressed. His eyes widened at your empty laughter, you’d only worried him further. You walked to the bedroom you shared and took of your uncomfortable work clothes switching them out for one of Jared’s large shirts and a pair of fleece pants.

- while you were gone Jared prepared the table for an impromptu date night. Needless you say, you were overwhelmed with love. You instantly broke down into tears, the day finally snapping you.

- in between all of your tears and sniffles you confessed.

- “Jared. Jared please stop fussing. I have to tell you something. No no no I’m not asking for a divorce, Squish. I’m. Im. Please don’t be mad. No no no I didn’t cheat on you. I would never. JARED. I’m pregnant. And before you ask it’s definitely yours.”

- “IM GONNA BE A DAD. IM GOING TO BE A FATHER. IM GOing to be a father. (y/n) i dont think im ready for this kind of responsibility. NO NO NO IM NOT LEAVING YOU THIS KID WILL BE OURS EVEN IF IT IS MAINLY RAISED ON MEMES, baby I love you so much, nothing has mad me happier than this news!”

-ON TO SOME HEADCANNONY SHIT!

- Jared instantly becomes 103838282782x more worried about you
• didn’t make it home on time? Worried texts

• you were driving and couldn’t answer the texts? A worried phone call

- At first you found this endearing but after awhile you were tired of it, especially as you got late into your pregnancy and were VERY V E R Y testy.

- He tried to act like the baby inside you didn’t effect him emotionally but the moment you start showing he squeals and leave a kiss on the bump.

- On his way home from work everyday he texts you asking what you’re hungry for, at first is normal stuff ice cream, chips, candies. But than it gets weird. You were seven months along when you asked for dragon fruit, Necco Wafer candies, and a shit load of hamburgers from Wendy’s

- You start calling the baby squosh after Jared’s nickname Squish. When he finds out he starts calling it that too.

- He loves to gently rub and leave kisses on your bump, and one day you woke up from your nap to find him talking to it “you know Squosh I’ll love you no matter what you are a girl, a boy, a Apache attack helicopter? Doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re not a fan of the Despicable Me franchise,”

- You both decided not to figure out the gender until birth, wanting to keep it a surprise.

- On the day you were due Jared packed a bag of things for you in the hospital. And he packed it so early in the morning, he waited impatiently for you to tell him you were in labor, but you didn’t until three days later while he was in the shower.

- your contractions were fucking horrible, Jared actually started crying because you were in so much pain and he hated that he couldn’t do anything about it.

- During delivery Jared held your hand and told you to power through and you’ll be okay, you did not want him to keep talking “FUCK YOU JARED THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LEARN HOW TO USE A CONDOM KLEINMAN!” You screamed pushing again

- somewhere along the line he definitely made a “now there are gonna be two people in this house calling me daddy” joke

- you brought the baby home the next afternoon, Evan, the god father, watched them while Jared helped you take your first post pregnancy shower.

- He takes care of the baby ever night until they can be moved into the nursery, than it’s a “I went last time it’s your turn now” situation.

- He loved the baby as much as he love you and he actually started crying one day watching you breast feed them, he was overwhelmed with the realization that your so strong and will be such an amazing mother.

- god he loves you so much and would literally die to save you and your child.

- be good to him he needs you.


REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

Pynch Week 2017 -  Day 3: “What are you doing here?”

Adam was almost done piecing together his ambitious, abundant course notes, turning his jagged handwriting to tidy script on his computer – and what a thing to think, that he owned a computer; one of the first things he’d bought with his scholarship money, right after a phone – when the doorbell rang. He looked at the clock on the screen. It was ten to 1am.

Probably Josh having an impromptu party, or inviting a girl over. Or Melissa deciding to share some netflix and weed with someone. The doorbell rang again. Adam sighed.

He weighed his chances and yelled across the wall. “Josh! Someone’s at the door!”

No reply came.

Keep reading

kiho!couple au

coughs happy birthday kihyun + @ my nct followers i still love you and i prOMISE I’LL WRITE SOME NCT STUFF LATER ON </3

also hugehugehugehugehugehugehugehughugehugehughuge thank you to @jeongmini bc dear lord i wouldnt even have finished this without her


-softest couple ever

-like fucking murder me with your softness please

-wonho does dumb things so he can see kihyun’s face squish up when he smiles 

-cotton candy hair duo (as of 20.11.16 ;))))))

-wonho’s contact name is probably hoe honestly kihyun has no time for his bullshit

-kihyun’s contact name is probably something cute like “baby boy” or “kihyunnie”

-wonho calls kihyun “baby” and “baby boy” to make him blush leave me alonE  

-they call each other babe a lot but whenever they’re tired they call each other “wonnie” and “kihyunnie”

-one time kihyun got fucking trashed 

-he was drunk out of his mind smh 

-i mean it was his birthday so iT WAS OK

-wonho had a feeling kihyun was gonna drink way more than he could handle so he decided to be sober that night 

-and when they got home, kihyun could barely stand without wonho’s help

-he was wobbling and shit oh my god this kid

-so wonho managed to get them to their room and he staRTED TO TUCK KIHYUN IN OH MY GOSH

-and the entire time kihyun was mumbling on about something wonho couldn’t quite hear

-and when wonho started to leave to get kihyun a glass of water and aspirin for the morning, kihyun grabbed onto his hand and mumbled something before covering his eyes with his free hand

-“what was that babe? i couldn’t hear you”

-kihyun turns even redder than before but wonho pretends not to notice 

-“i want… i want you to stay with me”

-wonho feels his lil heart burst because kihyun’s voice is so small and timid and aHH

-“i mean… i know i look gross and like im about to throw up any second but please?”

-wonho grins and he just walks over to kihyun to give him a kiss on the forehead before he tells him he’ll be right back 

-when he comes back with water and aspirin, kihyun’s like half asleep and he’s in the same position wonho left him in

-and wonho sits on the edge of the bed and kihyun immediately tries to sit up but wonho makes him lay down

-kihyun mumbles something along the lines of “lay down with me please” and wonho realizes he’s so whipped oh my god 

-wonho lays down with him and kihyun envelops him in a koala hug and he manages to drift off like that but right before he falls asleep wonho whispers “goodnight kihyunnie”

-and that brings the bIGGEST DOPIEST SMILE ON KIHYUN’S FACE

-so you know what this fucker replies with 

-“i love you”

-it’s so quiet and faint but wonho hears it anyway and his heart stops because it’s the first time kihyun’s told him he loves him and aHHH

-“tell me you love me in the morning, baby" 

-wonho says that in the softest voice he’s ever heard himself speak and gosh he realizes how in love he is with kihyun

-kihyun likes sneaking in kisses with wonho during the day

-it’ll be quick, subtle kisses on the cheek or something 

-kihyun never kisses wonho’s lips in public

-he’s learned his lesson smh

-the one time he presses a quick kiss to wonho’s lips, wonho pulled him closer and wouldn’t stop kissing him until kihyun ran out of breath and had to push wonho away

-wonho likes it when kihyun’s cheeks become a dusty pink when he’s embarrassed a lot

-which is one of the reasons he likes kissing kihyun until he can’t breathe :))))))) control him

-honestly kihyun probably sits on wonho’s lap when they makeout 

-wonho insists smh

-"it’s not a proper makeout session until you sit on my lap”

-“im going to bite your lip until it bleeds istg wonho”

-“kinky ;)))))))”

-their makeout sessions are wild y'all istg

-wonho always initiates it 

-kihyun could be sitting on the couch playing something on his phone and wonho’ll slowly drag him onto his lap

-and kihyun’ll be like “lol w/e”

-but then wonho’ll start to kiss the back of kihyun’s neck softly and subtly and make him squirm 

-“if you don’t stop doing that i’ll smack you”

-“make me”

-boom ezpz that’s how all their makeout sessions start 

-kihyun’s legs end up on either side of wonho’s body and wonho holds him still by gripping his waist half heartedly

-wonho’s hands never stay there anyway

-kihyun likes tangling his fingers in wonho’s hair and pulling on it occasionally

-wonho has a hair pulling kink confirmed

-honestly kihyun puts his hands in wonho’s hair because he doesn’t know where else to put them

-shy lil baby omg

-wonho always ends up grabbing kihyun’s thighs bc according to @jeongmini “kihyun’s thicc” sO

-whenever kihyun tries to pull away from the kiss wonho doesnt let him

-kihyun has to tug wonho’s head back by gripping his hair

-and wonho always groans which makes kihyun turn pinker than he already was

-after makeout sessions, kihyun’s cheeks are always dusted with a soft pink and he’s always gasping for air

-wonho finds that so cute goD

-wonho probably likes giving him hickies a lot

-just to make him squirm and whimper

-the amount of times the other boys have walked in on them eating each other’s faces is too mANY

-poor changkyun smh

-after that whenever they makeout on the couch, kihyun always mumbles something about the boys seeing them but wonho doesnt give a fuCK BYE

-kihyun in oversized sweaters makes wonho dIE

-thigh highs too probably bYE I WASNT HERE

-im literally like 13 im going to hell

-kihyun probably steals wonho’s clothes and wonho pretends to be mad

-wonho melts whenever kihyun sings

-honestly wonho is so cheesy kihyun wants to stab himself 24/7

-wonho could open his mouth and he’d have that stupid grin on his face every time he’s about to say something cheesy and kihyun would slap a hand over his mouth so quickly like wow ok sonic has competition

-”if you say some dumb pickup line again im going to lock you out of our room and youre gonna have to sleep on the couch”

-”i’ll just sleep with hyungwon”

-”ok you can fiGHT ME RIGHT NOW”

-their height difference isnt even that big but wonho could probably fling kihyun across the room by accident

-he did it like, once bUT IT WASNT ON PURPOSE

-HE DIDNT MEAN TO

-no one knows how it happens

-kihyun has blocked it from his mind

-the only one who remembers it is wonho and if you ask him about it he gets triggered

-”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP HOE”

-”why do i still love you”

-”lol have u seen my abs kihyun”

-kihyun makes sure wonho eats enough

-like, every time they eat together, kihyun gives wonho a major side eye

-”kihyun why are you staring at me like that”

-”*heavy breathing* *sinks into his seat* *whispers* u need to eat more and stay healthy and im worried for your weight”

-”what was that?”

-”*mr krabs meme* i- i wANT YOUR FOOD”

-”oh here lmaO”

-”*pterodactyl screeches* NO DONT GIVE ME YOUR FOOD EAT IT”

-kihyun just wants wonho to be hEALTHY

-ok we’ve always seen that gif of kihyun sitting on wonho’s thighs while he does sit-ups and i 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000% believe it’s just a normal thing that they do

-the first time they did it, wonho said that “it was for motivation”

-kihyun knew it was bullshit but he went with it anyway

-sometimes when wonho gets close enough to kihyun’s face, kihyun’ll kiss him kiLL ME

-”you call that a sit-up my deceased bunny from 5th grade could do a better sit-up than that”

-kihyun is a savage

-”babe dont be like this”

-”my bunny wouldnt use the babe tactic on me, you know why? BECAUSE SHE WASNT A BITCH”

-”ok but your bunny also cant talk”

-”MS WHISKERS LOVED TALKING TO ME”

-wonho ends up kissing kihyun to shut him up

-kihyun pushes him away and says “STOP KISSING ME JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT WANNA PROPERLY DO A SIT-UP”

-wonho likes it when kihyun sings for him

-he likes the way kihyun’s voice is airy and light in the morning

-and kihyun likes the way wonho’s voice is so rough and low in the morning

-wonho stares at kihyun way too often but he never realizes

-kihyun likes falling asleep on top of wonho

-he likes when their stomachs press together and how he can hear wonho’s heartbeat

-and he feels so safe with wonho’s arms around him

-wonho likes taking kihyun’s phone so he can spam his camera roll with selfies

-jokes on him kihyun saves them all for blackmail :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

-wonho nibbles on kihyun’s cheeks or bites him in random places

-cue kihyun’s screeching to “sTOoOoOooOoOoOoP”

-kihyun is ticklish and wonho takes advantage of that

-whenever wonho tries to go close to kihyun’s neck, kihyun kicks him and runs away

-”dOnT BreATHe oN MY NEcK”

-whenever kihyun falls asleep on wonho, wonho forgets how to breathe and stops moving bc “iM GONNA WAKE HIM UP IF I BREATHE!11!1!!!1!!1!”

-he ends up scooping kihyun up in his arms and tucking him in bed kill me :((((((((((((((

-kihyun takes care of the boys a lot so wonho likes taking care of him in return

-whenever it snows, kihyun acts like a little kiD AHHH

-”wonho!! WONHO LOOK IT’S IMPORTANT”

-”WHAT OH MY GOD”

-”IT’S S N O W I N G”

-whenever the two of them go outside in the winter, kihyun’s cheeks always get red extremely easily

-and whenever it’s really cold, kihyun tends to breathe out from his mouth more often bc his nose is probably stuffy or something

-and it melts wonho’s heart seeing kihyun’s red cheeks and mouth slightly agape like a little kid

-HAND HOLDING IS A MUST

-wonho just really likes the feeling of kihyun’s fingers tangling with his own and gosh oh my gosh he loves him so much

-honestly kihyun probably fell in love with wonho during their no.mercy days

-but wonho had had his eye on kihyun for so much longer

-he was passing by the dance practice room and he heard someone singing from the inside

-and at first he was like “wtf why is someone singing in the dance practice room at this hour it’s almost midnight”

-but all he could think about was how fucking pretty the voice singing was

-so he contemplated whether or not he should stay and listen

-spoiler: he stayed and listened!!1!1!!

-he wanted to find out who the voice belonged to but gOD HE’S SO AWKWARD AND IT’S SO WEIRD

-”hey lol i heard u singing and i think im in love”

-MISS HIM WITH THAT BULLSHIT OMG

-he was too busy roasting himself in his head that he didnt notice that the person inside had opened the door

-”um… can i help you…?”

-WONHO HAD A HEART ATTACK

-wonho started mumbling and stuttering

-”no i… i just… nO” AND THEN HE R A N A W A Y

-kihyun didnt even know what the fuck to think so he shrugged it off

-but whenever they crossed paths during their trainee days, wonho would look at him a second longer and blush bye

-when they met during no.mercy kihyun remembered him immediately

-”hey youre that guy that stalked me in the dance practice room!!”

-”I WASNT STALKING YOU I JUST HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY AND I LIKED YOUR VOICE”

-”well youre lucky i like your face or i probably wouldve called the cops by now”

-wow ok smooth kihyun smh

-and at first they were just good friends but kihyun started noticing how sweet and gentle and precious wonho really was and fuCK HE WAS FALLING IN LOVE SHOVE HIM IN FRONT OF A BUS

-DANCE PRACTICES THAT CONSIST OF JUST THE TWO OF THEM

-this is getting too long i need to end this but stan monsta x stan talent stan cute babies who dont know how to live properly i love them

        HONESTLY i cant believe this !! less than 3 months ago there was just 100 of you on my first day but suddenly 800 of you have just HOPPED ALONG THE TRAIN ! ! ! and though I haven’t had the pleasure to know all 800, I KNOW I’VE TRIED MY DARNEST TO JOKE AROUND OR INTERACT WITH EVERY LOVELY PERSON I COULD REACH OUT TO ! in such a short time i found myself loving tumblr as just, a second home i can feel comfortable being who i am and just ENJOYING what roleplaying truly is ! its an experience, and one I’m so glad to share it with all of you <3

         THERES JUST WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE TO THANK THOUGH, so i’m dividing it between those i just, LOVE WITH ALL OF MY HEART who give me their all each and everyday, even if its a little pun or joke, OR A LINE OR TWO IN A REPLY! and those i just keep on my watch list as fun or cool people i’d love to know better or do much junk with !! 

         AND A FEW SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THEIR SPECIAL MENTIONS RIGHT AT THE END of c ofc



         TRULY — FELLOW OVERWATCH AGENTS :  those who i cant EVER imagine leaving without a word ! you really do make the dash a special place and I adore you from the bottom of my heart !! you go beyond followers and are the friends anyone could ever ask for !! 

         @kaboooms  @vinget  @c137th @ridesagain @vaquerc @warvirtue @frystsnow @pericut @48lifes @datatheft @warcommanded @warblossomed @nuitveuve @okamii @alalkomeneis @warflowered @batzoku @teenghcst / @redlcder @valkury @valhela @deathrisen @kitanosuzume @aaraigne @mxdam @foughtevil @shikuchi @shefox @shuxifeng @hackedpower @pistolslang @sydas @talahdorei @fademind @dadmighty @devcta @jokerborn @willfainder @ululeis @jubxlent @divinerest @vasvvani @despjus @machinistic @flychild @nerfya @orozovyy @wundertater @odoktor @blownoffs @osavior @timeruins @hcrmcny @lnvrtd @deathscorned @chainreaped @hisrepose @spiritkind @shrikeshot @40prcnt @mekarekt @numberwon @apmeka @targetair @meddlingheels @achilleshielded @terraheartcd @sklizen  @eiighthsin @penumbrite @saevio @quietshot @organgrow @spineshattered @hyugainterior 

         HONORED CITIZENS — THOSE I DONT HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DOING SO MUCH, but honestly really make my dash feel alive and color me a fan of everything you do! 

      @gentlerule , @iitsforyourowngood ,  @calavcro @deathwalksamong @reapiiing @swimmincj @targetfed @licnhardt @pxcifrisktic  @ppharaoh @ofmaw @doctorscrders @slingerscng @solemnduty @protctr @scaramouchc @prodigiouschild  @jawbreakerjuggernaut @sugarsliced @captivusborn @wondcrkid@talariis@heavenspat@flaresavior@endgifts@astrcea@astralord@bopnty@sigruna@funfatale@gllaukos@galasymph@vesselking@deathscythc@notkiing@sightd@menfet@ateish@honorpledged@riobeats@swindliing@godschose@tcachcr@adflicte@mouthrun@giffanii@dontcallmejoel@gcldwing@paifou@hoplel@ryusxnka@queenedme@jvdicas​  @hereality

Keep reading

for your own peace of mind, maybe dont pay too close attention to the lyrics of some christmas songs.

this is the christmas card im sending out. steve didnt know what text i was gonna put behind it when he drew the picture.

(You can get this on redbubble!)

and it turns out that clint, who has been humming christmas carols for weeks now, doesnt actually know any of the real lyrics, and has just been making them up as he goes along. this is his latest masterpiece:

Winter Soldier’s Gunnin’ You Down (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s got a hit list, he’s starting a fight

He’s clenching his fist, it’s shiny and bright

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down!

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

His aim is really fucking good and he’s gonna assassinate

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s yanking out wheels and firing guns

If you were smart you’d probably run

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

anonymous asked:

RFA reacting to an MC with really interesting moles/beauty marks? like maybe one set of moles is in a triangle and she likes to make jokes about how the thug lyfe chose her lmao. just moles in interesting patterns

Ooh! I love this. This is cute. Aww~

Thank you for requesting~!

[ Admin Jiyeon ] [ Female MC ]
it’s female because the person who had asked specified a gender.

RFA reacts to an MC who has beauty marks

Zen:

  • “Gurl omg you look so pretty and so beautiful omg dont hide those beauty marks. they’re called beauty for a reason”
  • Honesty hands down, he;d love it, even her lame ass jokes
  • “See this mole? Its my sign of thug lyfe.” MC patted her shoulders and Zen just burst out laughing
  • “You’re so cute, MC dont ever change!” he cheered
  • he would love having selfies with her when her mole is showing because yas boi he really loves it
  • if Mc would feel insecure, he’d make his own fake beauty mark
  • “See?! We’re twinning! We look so adorbs together omg!”
  • selfies
  • lots of them
  • he loves the jokes too even if its weird
  • “hahaha!! yeah..!”


Yoosung:

  • This baby would also love it, because he thinks she’s beautiful in her own way and that’s with her mole too.
  • he would grin everyday, thankful that MC was so beautifully breathtaking with her own unique way
  • he would show it off to the RFA of course
  • it made him differentiate MC and Rika better now
  • “Thug life chose me, yoosung and not you.”
  • He loves (laughs) at your jokes! They’re literally hilarious meaning, he chose a girl who is beautiful and funny
  • JACKPOT! HE HIT THE LOTTO! jk
  • but all in all, I really dont think he would find it weird and he’ll just fall for you all over again
  • “I really love you MC.”

Jaehee:

  • baeehee would really dig it
  • you know because even if she’s met a lot of ladies with these moles, they would always hide it but when MC did not and just showed it off proudly, damn did she like the confidence
  • All she cares about is that you look beautiful and confident with your beautiful beauty mark
  • its very attractive for her and of course, somewhat like Zen, she’ll subtly show off your good looks
  • And for the jokes, she would tolerate it but would look at you with a death glare
  • “MC.. dont you dare tell one more joke I swear.”
  • “NO MC NO! I UAGHWUSGFUGU”
  • and she raged, throwing a random thing at you to shut up

Jumin:

  • LOVES!! YOUR!! BEAUTY!! MARKS!!
  • YES YOU GO GIRL MHM!
  • WORK THAT BEAUTY MARK YAS!
  • he’s literally like a cheerleader just havin ur back
  • “He insulted your mark? He’s fired.”
  • “He didnt like it? Well, I’m not going to sign our partnership then.”
  • “Jumin you didnt have to”
  • “what do u mean”
  • he would literally make you the face of the C&R along with Elizabeth 3rd
  • “No no no if her mole is not seen, then at least half seen. We need it.”
  • “You’re very beautiful MC, screw what other people say.”
  • “where did you even learn the word ‘screw’?”
  • For your jokes, he wouldn’t really get it because he’s Jumin Han
  • “The thug lyfe chose me and not you, Juju.”
  • “What.”

707/Saeyoung Choi:

  • HE KNEW
  • HE WAS SCREAMING YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL
  • zooms in your face and grins
  • wow i made him sound like a stalker im sorry
  • saeyoung would be the one who would also take a few selfies with you but he really wont mind if the mole is in or not because either way, you’re still beautiful in his eyes actually
  • if you’d be insecure, he’d shower you in compliments and memes about your moles honestly
  • for the jokes
  • let’s just say
  • there would be a day where Saeran runs away from home because he’s sick of all the mole jokes

Check out our masterlist!

anonymous asked:

im sorry if youve been asked this before but do you have like a link to a btob primer?? im new and im looking to see where to start first

yo hello there little butterfly first of all welcome to the fam you are about to embark on an once in a lifetime journey with no other than the seven meme™ boys… ofc i do (here) shout out to whoever made and update super detail btob primer and update this, you the mvp 💖with that being said, you come to auntie nellie and you are overwhelmed by the general weirdness of btob dont worry auntie got your back here is some must watch videos of btob 

IMPORTANT VIDEOS OF BTOB

  • btob cool man i have been saying this forever

EUNKWANG

MINHYUK

CHANGSUB

HYUNSIK

PENIEL

ILHOON

SUNGJAE

that’s it for today since i have an essay due in a few hours and i have been shoving brownies after brownies into my mouth but hmu when you finish watching all of these, these are just the starter pack…. btob didn’t use insane as their debut track for nothing they are a mess a beautiful talented pure unproblematic lovely mess 

Originally posted by busybeingamelody

Since my master post got a lot of attention i’m going to make one with fun facts on the members! here we go this is gonna be long.

Kim Youngbin (11/23/93)

-Leader
-Visuals
-BEST SMILE IN THE WORLD CUTEST EYE SMILE EVER
-dancer,rapper,choreographer
-he likes to play korean chess
-strict when need be but also very cute and surprisingly funny
-mismatched eyes. Said they were his charm in one of the earlier neon lessons
-sucks at basketball but does that stop him? no
-he’s caring. he scolded hwiyoung in d.o.b once for doing the move not the way he pictured is and then went to comfort him when he cried, saying they’re gonna debut together since they’re all apart of the team.
-he’s an angel and loves his members a lot before they debuted he did everything to make sure they all debut together
-he dabs…a lot…i mean most of them do too but..
-another quote that made me cry was when he was like “I want to debut for the happiness of our 9 member’s families. Let’s succeed with debut since we’ve been struggling and trying hard”
-HE LOVES EVERYONE SO MUCH i love him he’s an angel
-he gets shy and flustered and its so cute??? thanks
-he’s the thrill junkie in the group imo he was always hyped to go on every ride in spectacle fantasy 9
-selfie king thanks 

Kim Inseong (7/12/93)

-eldest member
-VOCALS he has such a sweet voice wow
-Visuals 
-He’s learning english with Jaeyoon and he’s very good at it tbh if he keeps it up he can be fluent in no time 
-he has great taste in movies he recommended three when they did their q&a thing in the fan cafe and i watched one that caught my eye (bc of him) and it was literally one of the best movies meaning wise thank u inseong please recommend more 
-dimples 
-HE CALLS HIMSELF A FENNEC FOX BC HE THINKS HE LOOKS LIKE ON can u say furry…im kidding i love him 
-SMILE!! OK ALL THESE BOYS HAVE PRECIOUS SMILES AND EYE SMILES WE GOTTA PROTECT :// 
-also used the fox filter on snow when they did that video of all of them…using snow filters…self explanatory i guess but yeah
-usually adds cute drawings to his signatures
- really doesnt act like the eldest tbh but he is dont let that fool you 
-hes a happy little baby 
-he’s always next to Zuho and holds hands and HONESTLY they do that for me thanks 

Lee Jaeyoon (8/9/94)

-vocals!! during their hour long v-app he sang and I melted his voice is like honey just like he says 
-VISUALS
-he’s so extra but in a good way
-HE HAS LIKE 3 FANSITES PLEASE STAN HIM HE’S ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED MEMBERS WHY? IDK 
-he’s the best at girl group dances in my opinion along with Dawon 
-Learning english with Inseong, his english is also fairly well!!
-amazing body proportions 
-NOSE SCRUNCHES WHEN HE SMILES HARD
-glowing angel
-can be a meme i guess
-he has amazing self confidence i wish i have
-He’s from busan and love to let people know that he’s from Busan
-manly busan man Jaeyoon
-he’s scared of big rides someone needs to protect him 
-he has cute squishy cheeks 
-we need to hear him sing more please

Lee Dawon (7/24/95)

-VOCALS
-visuals 
-was in AOA creams MV as the main man there…the only man in the video but u know what i mean yeah ok 
-he said in one lesson that he strives to be the worlds best vocalist and he’s there ok he’ll get there i believe in him and you should too 
-happy virus and mood maker
-was one of the main love interactions in CYH
-MC SKILLS LIKE I CAN SEE HIM DOING GREAT IN ASC AND VARIANTS OF THAT
-in the one hour v-app thing they had at the very end of it he did a high pitched scream and honestly so relatable 
-always. screaming. 
-but a ball of sunshine even if u don’t stan him u stan him 
-he says he’s a fashion enthusiast i agree 
-the MOST extra member but thats what people love about him and i do too 
-SO FUNNY IDK IF I’VE SAID THIS ALREADY BUT HE’S SO FUNNY
-and flirty tf he knows how to give fanservice y’all Dawon stans are lucky
-he loves eating and i support that 100% he should have his own eating show with inseong ok thanks i’ll petition for that are u guys in?
-….visuals
-he has a soft looking smooth face like tell me ur skin care routine 
-he tries to make everyone happy and comfy even if he’s not happy he’ll be the type to make sure the people around him are
- loves making people laugh stan this sunshine

Baek Juho (7/4/96)

-Stage name Zuho idk why they changed it it’s the same pronunciation but yeah if he’s happy with it so are we
-MY BABY MY WORLD MY ANGEL i love this dude…so much can u tell who i stan..
-visuals…for days
-was one of the main love interactions in CYH
-deep toned rapper 
-his voice is so beautiful like..imagine waking up to his raspy sleepy voice wow sorry
-literally a lyrical genius 
-he writes most of his own raps can you say TALENT? 
-sharp nose is his charming point and he likes to let people know he’s happy with his nose which i love like yes be confident baby 
-people (FNC and members) call him tsundere but i don’t like using that so pretend i didn’t just write that
-A SHY BABY WHO PEOPLE WOULD THINK WOULD BE TOUGH BUT NO HE’S JUST SHY AND CUTE i love
-members say he’s the most boring dsflak
-he trained the longest..6 years along with rowoon
-both him and rowoon where in a FNC show way before NEOZ SCHOOL was born 
-cheekbones!! he has really sharp and strong features
-invented wearing headbands…
-he says he has the broadest shoulders of the group and that he’ll show them off once he’s more comfortable 
-a BTS fan !! i bet he’s excited for their comeback, and excited they get to promote together wow 
-meaningful lyrics 
-the members woke him up once in DOB by dragging him out the hotel room and fed him a piece of bread lfakf
-bc he’s the hardest to wake up that part was so cute 
-just a shy bun whom i’d lay down my life for if he tells me to 


Kim Rowoon (8/7/96)

-VISUALS
-like i know i said everyone is the visual but thats bc they are ok but the title belongs to him if u understand what im trying to say
-VOCALS
-TALLEST MEMBER HE’S 189CM WHICH IS 6′2 TALL WOW!!!
-was one of the main love interactions in CYH
-in CYH he played a baseball player and u can tell how good his proportions are in the uniform wow he can pull off the uniform better than anyone ok 
-he feeds the members and cleans the dorm
-basically the caretaker of the group
-so he’ll be a good husband to whoever he marries !!
-he’s so sweet a literal angel thank u 
-his hight intimidates me he’s a whole foot and inch taller than me he can LITERALLY step on me
-but he’s gentle so there’s no need to be intimidated he’s a gentle giant with a warm heart
-FT islands biggest stan, biggest minhwan stan 
-when he met him in dob he was so cute and flustered
-nice butt but u didn’t hear tht from me 
-he could literally be a model i’m WAITING
-trained the longest with zuho
-alone with cleaning the dorm he also nags the members to clean and put their clothes away. 
-during dob he and two members made a picnic for the group i support
-also accidentally hit chanhee’s nose and he has a nose bleed he felt so bad it’s like a father who was playing with his son i,- 

Yoo Taeyang (2/28/97)

-MY OTHER BABY WHO I’D DIE FOR
-I have a mini playlist on YT with his predebut videos i might make a post abt them bc wow he did that
-his smile is the literal sun? No pun intended with his name his smile is just !!
-dancer !!
-VISUAL
-he choreographs along with youngbin!
-big eyes and is proud of his eyebrows and honestly me too when will i ever
-went to that famous dance school that literally all the best idol dancers went to like zelo 
-usually sings the chorus, or the beginning, his voice is beautiful
-before wanting to sing he played guitar and i think he still does!
-calls himself sexy charisma like ur 6 please 
-loves chanhee
-prolly the biggest chanhee stan next to me bc im chanhee’s certified mother 
-cHANHEE SAID HE RARLEY GETS SLEEP BC HE WORKS THE HARDEST AND THAT MAKES ME SAD like you’re a hardworker you deserve some rest please :(
-his hard work pays off he’s an amazing dancer ?? and singer one of the best honestly he’s just full with passion 
-the selfie with him in the pink sweater is my favorite 
-i think he can beatbox or am i just making that up?
-lmfao like in January people gave him shit bc of his name since taeyang from Big bang has the name like? there’s thousands of taeyangs stfu let this sweet boy live.
-a little shy awkward baby 

Kim Hwiyoung (5/11/99)

-a baby
-visuals
-a little awkward but not really but yes
-he knows he’s handsome y’all he prolly uses that to his advantage
-rapper
-i already said this in youngbins thing but he cried when he got scolded by the leader bc he though youngbin was mad at him :(
-he’s sensitive pls handle with care
-doesn’t look or act like his age? he’s really mature for his age
-there’s a selfie of him sleeping with a kitty…my favorite
-he loves cats
-like so much he used to add a cat face at the end of his signature idk if he still does? 
- can u say Jumin Han
-^ im kidding please
-smile!! 
-in an episode of DOB he volunteered to bungee jump first and the members called him courageous bc he is !! 
-he talked informally to the eldest members in a episode of DOB he really did that nice
-nice arms 
-SOFT
-beat chanhee in arm wrestling he was so proud 

Kang Chanhee (1/17/00)

-MY BABY MY SON MY BEST FRIEND
-cutest nose and smile ever please
-visual
-played sunwoo in signal and was in other dramas as a chil mostly
-when he was little he was friends with moonbin of astro and chanwoo of ikon!!
-with those two they were in an epsiode of star king with DBSK and played mini DBSK
-he’s literally been in the business since childhood thank GOD he debuted he deserves this 
-his goal is to play in a movie!! let him do this please..
-forces the members to be cute. He did that with Youngbin in a DOB episode i love him 
-was one of the main love interactions in CYH
-other than signal he was also in hwajung and to the beautiful you
-has amazing facial expressions on stage 
-i already said this but his nose is so cute :(
-I need to protect him im his #1 mom 
-before the group name change like even before dob he had an interview with a magazine bc of him being in signal, and he said “the other members and myself will try our very best to debut together because that’s our dream” and i cried
- that was before dob so member changes were more speculated 
-every other member is a chanhee stan 
-if u don’t stan him u still stan him bc u gotta? 
-everyone’s son
-since he’s been exposed the most he’s one of the more popular members!!
-he loves chicken and ramen if u buy him chicken he’ll prolly ask u to marry him 
-when he sleeps he kicks off the blanket he’s a baby bean
- he loves to dance and is really good at it! he says he’s lacking but he’s training hard to meet everyone’s expectations please love him 

(opsYamanakabb!Deidara anon no longer in anon bc i hAVE GROWN TIRED OF BREAKIN DOWN ASKS)

GOSH im SO flattered you liked it so much i mean ..

anyways, i have resurfaced bc… well i thought of another thing? err

.

alright so backing up: on the road so far, inoshikacho plus sai have gone into a long and arduous mission of setting the long past wrongs into rights which means finding YAMANAKA deidara and i dunno actually doing sth about it?? and also somehow they acquired hidan for the trip back ??

so, what ive got is this: dei is probably super uncomfortable?? bc in one hand there is ino wanting to bond??? on the other is cho who is an actual legit cinnamon roll???? and to top it off the other one keeps eyeing him weird???? (shika cannot stop staring omfg and to think theres ppl out there callin him a genius) dei can feel himself becoming defensive!! aggressive defensive!!!! (like obvs the best defense is an attack?? or sth)

and so there is two. dei and hidan actually get into a lot of fights bc they just cant rlly understand each other– i mean w deis thing bein ‘momentary’ whats exactly the point of bein immortal?? where is the fun in that??? (hidan can totally show him the fun in that)

also surprisingly dei and sai get along quite well?? (i mean when hidan isnt hogging sai) they are artistic bros?? in so short a time?? (as the only person w common sense at this point, cho is keepin a careful eye from afar– surely the fact that sai gets along so well w the missing nin is vaguely concerning??)

*BREAK POINT**FORWARD A LOT*

so hidan is just chillin in konoha like ?? there is literally nothin they can do to him to make him care?? he is clearly superior™

anyway, hidan is chillin in konoha and somehow he overhears the true akatsuki plan (or he believes in conspiracy theorist sai so they have a headstart) and he is like outrageously offended!!! WHAT DO YOU FCKIN MEAN I H AVE BEEN WORKIN FOR SOME OTHER GOD?!?!?!! so clearly the only solution is to destroy akatsuki just annihilate everything there is no other option

so hidan goes on the warpath like THOSE FUCKERS THINK THEY ARE IMMORTAL I WILL FUCKING SHOW THEM IMMORTAL

or (fair warning, this is v crack now i mean)

hidan decides to be petty af and grabs sai to make the ultimate plan

(i actually havent watched shippuden soo might be a bit of on the execution for this one buut)

and so they go to the big ass statue and somehow they do magic bullshit fuuinjutsu stuff

and like in the climax of everything w the thing is ready to be activated and everyone is nOOooO

MOTHERFUCKER HIDAN POPS OUT LIKE LAUGHING YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD SEEN THE LAST OF ME BITCHES

and turns out hidan and his sidekick sai changed the thing so instead of liberating that rabbit moon goddess (??) the thing is now set to actually summon THE GREAT JASHIN-SAMA

everyone is speechless?? like ???? actual plot twist

hidan starts the thing

hidan is also bragging bc obvs he would be bragging

n some konoha nin (shika?? naru?? probs naru) turns to sai all what were you thinkin??!?! and sai be like i know it looks bad but– *konoha nin goes to save the day*

but the thing already started right? so they dont make it in time and the thing shakes the grounds shakes everything lights up like a goddamn light show annd–

it just… stops

everything goes back to normal like nothin to see here bruh and….

everyone suddenly becomes 1000% more suspicious bc where the fuck did it all go? 

to turns matters worse hidan starts laughing like a lunatic ?? sai goes to retrieve him– hidan needs his alone time now

and it takes months upon months before people start relaxing and a new meme starts as in jashinists rlly do get you all worked up but?? they just cant deliver amirite (obvs when hidan is not around bc he is still a psycho i mean)

and sai just shakes his head.. he only agreed to help bc he knew nothing would happen like bloodshed war rage and muder.. they are all already in the great era of jashin

(what hidan did was like prolong it for more years upon years to come)

.

maan what a ride

skype part i [h2ovanoss]

“Are you sure you can handle yourself, Jonathan?”

“For the third time, Mother, Yes. I can handle myself. I’m grounded anyways.” Jonathan mumbled the last part, hoping that his mother didn’t hear it. But as always, mothers find out.

“You are grounded. If I hear any funny business from anyone or anything suspicious when your father and I get home, we will move back to North Carolina. Got that?” Jonathan’s mother said sternly, as Jonathan rolled his eyes and nodded sarcastically if that made sense. “Maybe do some homework while you’re at it, son. Haven’t seen you do that in a long time.” Jonathan’s father said it with not much emotion, which left Jonathan confused, not knowing if he was joking or being serious. “I would do my homework, but you know,” Jonathan started, “you banned me from school for two weeks.” Jonathan did actually have homework to finish from those previous weeks, but it’s not like he was going to do that homework anyways. So, he didn’t let that thought occupy his mind. He had much better plans.

“Loosen up, guys. Go to Hawaii without your son. I don’t have anything to contact my friends or anything. You took those away from me too.” Jonathan sassed back. With his phone, PC, every game console he owned, taken away from him; he had plenty of time to waste for thinking about sassy comebacks and quips for, not only his friends, but his parents. Ever since Jonathan confessed to him that he was a flaming bisexual, they haven’t been a very happy and bubbly family like they were before.

“Just do as much shit as you can that doesn’t involve being a faggot, Jonatha-”

“Jon. It’s Jon.” Jonathan growled, his eyes growing a darker shade of blue, making Jonathan’s mother step a bit backwards. And of course, his father not giving any flying fucks.

“Whatever, let’s go, Elizabeth.” my what-so-called father dragged my mother to the car, carrying their luggage with them. I heard the car engine start and tires screeching abruptly on the drive-way. The roaring of their car engine fade away.

I looked out the window and saw mo sight or trail of them. I smirked and immediately ran to my parents’ room and opened their walk-in closet.

“Bottom of the third pile, second row, fifth column.” I whispered to myself, counting each column and pile and row there was until I found it. My laptop.

I laughed, “God, they’re so fucking stupid when it comes to hiding things. Like their failed marriage.” I said, looking at the ‘hidden’ divorce papers under other piles of junk mail.

I went to my room and literally jumped onto the bed and locked my door. I closed my window and locked them so my neighbor doesn’t get suspicious.

I opened the laptop and turned it on, “I’m almost there.” I murmured, putting my password into the blank space.

Once it went to desktop, I didn’t care about my social media, the amount of memes I’ve missed in the past four months, the amount of notifications I have from that one party. I had my priorities.

I double-clicked the logo, clicking his name, then clicking call.

“Jon?”

“Evan! Evan, hi! Oh my god, how long has it been?” I yelled out, but not too loud for my neighbor to hear.

“Dude, you’ve missed so much. The guys have missed you so much. Especially me, baby.” Evan winked, joking the last part. “What did I miss?” I asked excitedly and clapping my hands together, The amount of things I wanted to hear from his angelic voice was making me nervous and— “Everything basically. You probably missed the news that drugs were found it some kid’s locker and they had school lock down for a few days…” Evan went on and on, missing the feeling of comfort and nostalgia, even if its only been two weeks.

Jonathan checked the time, his parents were so suspicious of him that they had his neighbor check on him on 00:30. It was already 23:30. One more hour His mind went back to his best friend, “Tyler and Craig got into a huge fight and one thing lead to another, Daithi tried to stop Tyler, but we all know how that would’ve ended up.”

Jonathan was shocked, “Holy shit, is Daithi okay? Let me guess, black eye and a busted lip?” Evan smirked, “Tyler’s iconic.”

“So, did Craig and Tyler make up?”

Evan chuckled, “Tyler came into school the next day after lunch with a cocky smirk and messed up hair, along with Craig who looked dazed as fuck and limping quite a bit.” Jonathan chuckled as well, “Ah. Make-up sex. In the bathroom too, I salute the two.” Jonathan shook his head, smiling a little bit.

Evan kept talking and talking and talking and fuck, Jonathan couldn;t will away the fact that it was starting to get a little hot. Jonathan was sweating. He couldn’t will away the fact that he was turned on; aroused; horny. He always knew he had some sort of tiny infatuation for the asian, but he never really paid attention to it or Jonathan himself pushed it away. Before Jonathan could even realize, he was already palming himself through his basketball shorts. “It just sucks without you, Jonathan,” Evan sighed.

Not soon after, Evan was still telling stories from how Tyler literally almost fucked Craig during a party to how Brian gave Brock the most deep purple hickey he’s ever seen. “Like, how could someone bite that hard? . . There were teeth marks!” Evan said, running his hand through his own hair. Jonathan always thought when Evan did that with his hair was fucking hot.

Jonathan already slipped his hand into his briefs and started to touch himself, ragged breaths already starting to emit from his throat, trying to hide from Evan the fact that he was jerking off to him. Sure, Jonathan had had lewd dreams about the canasian, but he never thought he’d have enough balls to touch himself while skyping him.

Evan was walking around his own room, looking for something around his room. Jonathan didn’t know what he was looking before because he wasn’t paying attention, for obvious reasons. “Aha!” Evan found whatever he was looking for, and bent down to grab it, and Jonathan could see his best friend’s plump round ass clearly. Jonathan sucked in a breathe. Hoping Evan wouldn’t hear him. What is the circumference of his ass? It’s like, perfectly round. Jonathan thought to himself.

Unfortunately for Jonathan, Evan did hear him and looked back at his camera, walking back with his head cocked to the side. “What’s wrong, bud?” Evan said, and because he was sick—as he said earlier, when Jonathan was actually paying attention— Evan had a husky and sexy voice, like as if he had just woken up.

That alone set Jonathan over the edge, biting his lip to stop the moan from emitting from his mouth. At this point, Jonathan was already jerking himself off. “Jon, why is your camera moving up and do– oh my god.”

Fuck.

Jonathan was having a tsunami of mixed emotions going on in his mind. Lust and embarrassment being the strongest.

“Jon, are you… jerking off?”

Here is the Zola Story Transcribed

written by @zolarmoon on 10/28/2015

Y'all wanna hear a story about why me and this bitch here fell out???????? It’s kind of long but full of suspense

Okay listen up. This story long. So I met this white bitch at hooters. I was her waitress! She came in with this old ass big ass black dude. So you know as a hooters girl we have to talk to our customers. So I sit wit them & we get to talkin & she tells me she dances! So I’m like Oh yes bitch me too! Then she tells me this hulking black man is her sugar daddy. & I’m like oh yes bitch my SD at home. I feel it I feel it. So we vibing over our hoeism or whatever. & we exchange numbers!! & we like “next time u dance hum ima come dance wit you!” & they leave.

So THE NEXT DAY I get a text like “BITCH LETS GO TO FLORIDA!” & I’m like huh??? She’s like “I’m going to dance in Florida, let’s go!!” Now I’m skeptical like DAMN bitch we just met and we already taking hoe trips together???? BUT I had went to FL 2 months prior & made 15K. So lowkey I was down. So I was like “okay I’ll go. Who’s all going & when we leaving.” All this bitch says is “be ready by 8” So I call her like “bitch I SAID who’s all going!” & she says “my boyfriend & our room mate & my room mate has a place in Tampa ” So I’m like ok ok ok. I’ll be ready. So I pack my baddest stripper wear & I’m ready. Now my nigga DID NOT want me to go. He was soooooo hurt. So I had to fuck him calm, & then I left.

Now when I got in the car it was a white boy (her bf) & this hulking black guy (NOT the same one). So I texted her on the slick while in the backseat like “another sugar daddy? U got a type bitch!” & THE BLACL DUDE HAD HER DAMN PHONE!!! So he starts laughing & he goes “I’m using her GPS. no I’m not a SD I’ve known her & her dude for 8 years. We all live together..” So I was like “My bad. Who lives in Tampa?” & black dude (still aint told me his name) goes “my fiance” …so tht was it.

Now we on the road. The ride was cool. We all talking. Laughing. Blasting Gucci. I take a nap & wake up in FL…the black guy goes “Ima put y'all in a room then take yall to the club while I go visit my girl. Jarett (her white bf) will be at the room if y'all need a ride after work” ..sounds fair. BUT we don’t pull up to the four seasons bitch. We pull up to a raggedy ass motel. So I said REAL QUICK “I’m not staying here Hun” THERE WERE LITERAL PROSTITUTES STANDING WITH THEIR PIMPS OUTSIDE. I SWEAR TO GOD. I said “I have $. I can get my own room. It’s fine” so jessica (the white bitch) pulls me to the side & is like “we gone be at the club all night. This room for Jarrett not us! dnt even trip” So I was like yea bitch okay. But trust I am NOT laying my head here. So we leave our shit at the motel wit Jarrett & head to the club.

So we working. It was king of slow (it was early Friday night) the club had HELLA rules which I’m not use to (Ima full nude typa bitch). But this club require pasties & boy shorts & all this other shit..whatever. So after making about $800, I was ready to go. She was talking to some dude, tryna talk him out his wallet & they exchanged numbers. So I was like “call ur man. I’m ready!” ..she calls The black dude. I’m like ummm that’s not ur man but okay. So I pull her to the side before he pulled up like “wassup wit ur roommate?” And she was like we’re really close. Before I met Jarrett I was with him. He was taking care of me. I was like OHHH well I don’t need that. “Taking care of Me” in stripper language means that was her pimp. So I was like does Jarrett know? & she goes “of course not” …strike 1.

So then she goes “I didn’t make anything tonight. What u make because he’s gna ask” ..I said “umm that’s not yalls business Jess!” ..chill. So he pulls up & AS SOON as we get in he goes “what y'all make” we said at the same time “nothing” …so he goes damn my girl said she had a bad night too. We finna go pick her up. (His fiance who lives down here) ..we pick her up & he goes “nobody made shit. Y'all wanna trap?” Trap in stripper lingo means trick. So jessica goes “hell yea! U got some clients” im in the back on mute. He was like “u can get some!” So jess is like “yea i need to trap. But jarret is at the room!” & he goes “i wasnt putting yall in thay shit hole tht was for him not y'all"

Im still quiet….we pull up to a nice ass hotel on the other side of town & he goes “ill get the clients together & text yall off this” … He handed her a trap phone. So i am mind blown at this point. . So then we get to the room. Nice as fuck. Just me & jess & i start GOIN OFF. “BITCH U GOT ME FUCKED UP. IM NOT ABOUT TO PLAY WIT U HO. IM GOIN HOME” so she starts cryin & shes like “i didn’t wanna take this trip alone. Please dont leave me. I would be so scared alone” shes fucking sobbing. Im like oooommmmgggggg really?! Now im feeling bad for the ho. She goes “u can just check the guys in, he’s not gna force u to trap” i said “OH BITCH I KNOW HE NOT I KILL DEAD ASS KILL YALL” verbatim. So she cleans herself up & theres a knock at the door…i open the door & some fat white man goes “im here for the white girl”…. So I check his pockets, take his wallet & let him in…they start fucking RIGHT on the bed next to me. It was a fucking mess. A MESS.

So when they finished he gave her $100. I said “jess, u sellin puss for $100???? Pussy is worth thousands. U trippin” she goes “i dont. make the prices. The prices are already discussed before they come in. So i was like bitch no. If u gone do this. Do it right…. So i took some pics of her & put em on backpage. Along with a the trap phone # wit a MINIMUM of $500. The phone starts BLOWIN UP!!! I was like “se bitch. I got u a nigga comin up RIGHT NOW giving $500 for 15 mins” …he comes, i check him they get it in, he leaves. We are doing this ALL NIGHT!!! She fucked about 20 dudes and her sorry ass pimp only sent 3 of them

..so around 6am JARRET CALLS. She answers on speaker & he is going OFF!!!“WHERE TF ARE U & ZOLA?! The club BEEN CLOSED!” she goes “we went 2 another club cus it was slow” So im googling 24h clubs (FL has a few) tryna help her lie & he is NOT having it. Hes LIVID. He goes “if u went home wit a dude ur DEAD!” So he asks to speak to ME?! I was likr maaannn ima end up killin these crazy white niggas tonight. So he starts cursing ME out!!! “Where are yall! I kno she’s lying!! Dont be a ho like her zola!!” I said “i PROMISE you, im not” ..he hangs up on me & that was it. We didnt hear from him for the trst of the night. . We fall asleep.

A fee hours later the black dude (I STILL DONT KNOW HIS NAME) comes up. He’s like “how much u make lastnight” jess goes “5,500” i was like WTF WHY SHE TELLIN THE TRUTH?!?! I pimped her NOT HIM!!!! So he goes “wtf how? Thats good but i only sent u 3 clients” she goes “zola made me a backpage” i was like WOOOWOWOWOWOWOOWOW. here we go…. So he goes “u can do my job better than me?” I said “i was just helping her out. Irdc. Ur clients were cheap” he started laughing…. He goes “give me the money” she gave him ALL OF IT. & he goes “thanks zola. U a real one” & throws $500 at me….. I put that shit right in my bra. Tf. & jess goes, what about me? & he said “u owe me rent jess. U haven’t paid in months” i was like damnnnn.

So we leave & head to jarret & the ragedy motel. Cus our shit was there. As we pull up, jarrett chillin outside smoking weed wit some dude. PAY ATTENTION HERE!! We get out & walk up to them & jarrett goes “here they go” the pimp goes “HERE WHO GO LIL NIGGA, WHO DIS?!” Jarrett starts laughing & was like “he was asking me who i was here wit & i said my girl & her friends thats all. Chill out” … The guy jarrett was talkin to laughs & goes “ill catch u later man. Nice meeting u.” & leaves. He was a black guy wit dreads. A FL nigga. So we all go up to the room & the pimp is going OFF on jarrett. “U dont knoe these niggas!! I can’t believe u told him 2 bitches in here!!” & jarret goes “he asked why i was out here mad lastnight. All i said was my girl went to work wit her friend & i aint want her to!” Now the pimp SCREAMING “SO THAT NIGGA KNO ITS MONEY UP HERE NOW?! HELL NO. WE GOTTA GO!! NOW” me and jess are like . So we pack our shit & head out.

We went to a nicer hotel about 20 minutes away. So the pimp was like “zola keep a eye on jarrett!” I was like oh shit he den promoted me to look out & shit…so he leaves (to go back to his fiance at home) & jarret & jess start arguing. He was like “i know u was trappin jess. I saw the backpage add ho” and he shows her a screenshot..i was like OH SHIT. HERE WE GOOOO. So he starts cryin like a bitch. I was like wow. Hes like “i thought u were done wit this. I didnt come to FL for this. U messy”… Then he turns 2 me & goes “this what u came here for zola?!” I said “HELL NA jarret she lowkey set me up. Im not fuckin wit yall after this” He goes “wow u even set up ur friend. U such a ho” so they arguing for hours.

I leave & go down to the pool. I mean, i am in florida ! So MY MAN calls me! I lied & said everything was okay. I didnt want him worrying. I had a nice dinner & then the pimp calls the trap phone. I answer & hes like “since u a maadam & shit, do that shit again tonight. But set up outcalls only cus this hotel 2 nice 2 trap out of” I was like cool. I gotchu. Especially for another $500. So i go up to the room & told jess to get ready. Jarrett goes WTF AGAIN BITCH NO!!!! I said “jarrett calm down. Please” this white nigga starts PUNCHING HIMSELF!!!! Like crazy people do dawg!! I was like OH HELLLL NAWLLL. He goes “if u do this again jess. I will kill myself. I love u 2 much”..I was like this nigga lost in the sauce & his bitch lost in the game. So i said “jarret sit THE FUCK down. Jess come on so i can take some pics it’s already 10oclock. Yall playin” so i make her a fresh ad.

We come out the bathroom (i did her hair & makeup & shit) & jarret goes “everybody knows you a ho now. Fuck u. I wanna go home!” I said HUH? He throws his phone at her and its HER FACEBOOK!!! A status of BOTH ads!!!!! HER MOM IS ON THERE GOIN OFFFFFF in the comments!!! Jessica starts BAWLING!! “Omg. My mom had my daughter this week! How could u!! She on the floor literally breaking down” …i was like . So jessica calls the pimp & tells “JARRETT JUST PUT EVERYTHING ON FACEBOOK. MY WHOLR FAMILY SEES!” The pimp goes “I TOLD ZO TO WATCH HIM!!!” LITERALLY 5 mins later its the pimp BANGING at our door. He comes in wit his fiance this time. & snatches jarrett up by the neck. He wasted NO TIME!! He goes “i should really kill yo ass.” Jarrett is dangling off the ground crying “please dont please” ..lowkey im cryin. The fiance pulls out a handgun yall!!! She goes “u want to bae or what? Fuck him. He did OUR girl so wrong” i was like OH MY FUCKING GOD!

So now jess steps in “shes like please dont. Just beat his ass Z” i was like (oh his name z? Okay. Got it) so he puts him down…. Z goes. Naw i am gone kill his manhood though. . And he sits on the bed next to his fiance…he goes “sit in front of me jarrett”….. He does…still crying. He goes “delete the post. And give me ur phone” …he did..then he goes “come here jess” …i was so lost. His FIANCE unbuckled his pants and jess gets on her knees & starts sucking his dick IN FRONT OF JARRET AND I !!!!!! I was like YOOOOOOOOOO. He then gets up…and starts fucking jess from the back…jarret just sitting there…im standin wit my mouth to the FLOOR!!! The fiance right next to them wit a gun in her lap..i was like damnnnnn…

So then he gets up & says “go clean up jess. U gotta work” He looks at jarret & says “any questions?” Jarret says “i wanna go home”  i laughed out loud. I couldnt help it.. & z goes “na. Ima spend the night wit my girl so YOU gone take jess to her outcalls.” I was like DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! Thats fucked bro. He goes “zola got the clients & addresses so yall can take her” & him & his fiance leave….the room is silent for the next 30mins. Swear. The first client calls & says he ready….so jarrett takes us. Z left a handgun but told me not to tell them. He slid it to me on the slick. He texted the trap phone like “im trusting u wit my bitch zola. If anything goes left. Use it” i was like WHAT?! NIGGA I CANT!!!

So anyway, jarrett took us to about 4 clients & then the phone was slow. Me & jarrett were in the car together while she was workin so we. Starting haviny deep convo. He really wasnt a bad dude. But he was bipolar. VERY bipolar…so I understood his outburst a little more. So we head back to the hotel & i flget this one last call late af. & the client says “i got 5,000 but i want 2 bitches” i said “oh sorry we. only have 1.” The client goes “well i got 2,000 for 1 but its 4 dudes..& we only do incalls” i was like wow. Whut?? So i text z & told him. He was like “hell yea, tell him come on.” So i set it up. Then last min the client goes “actually; out call is fine” & gives me a address. So we get in the car & head to the address….jess goes “its 4 of them can u just wait in the hall please” i was like bitch iight cmon.

So we head up to the room number they gave & jess knocks. A dude goes “who is it” & she says “incall” the door FLINGS OPEN FAST AS FUCK. AND TWO BIG BLACK DUDES SNATCHED JESS!!!!! Bitch….i ran so got damn fast i couldnt even see straight. I was OUT!!! Fuck that. I run out and THE CAR IS GONE!!! Im screaming “JARRETT!!!JARRETTT!!” This fool gone. So i call him, STILL RUNING & he like “yall done?!” I said “BITCH Z TOLD U TO NEVER LEAVE US!! WHERE ARE U!!” Hes like “im at the gas station. I was thirsty. I though she was gone be a min” Im STILL RUNNING. lmfaooo. Dont know WHERE im going. Im like “they snatched her dude!! COME GET ME. IM CALLIN THE POLICE!!!”

He pulls up a minute later & is like “dont call the police. Call z” i was like “z gone BEAT EVERYBODY ASS!! YOU WASNT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE!” & he’s like “well YOU have the gun. If u call the cops u done too!” I was like shit. U right. So I called z & told him what happened! Z IS LIVID!!! and this deep african accent comes out!! I couldnt even understand him on the phone. I was like maaaannnnn. We dead bro. So z pulls up & is like “let’s go..” I said “ummm ima stay here. Yall go” he goes “IM NOT IN THE MOOD RN. COME TF ON!!!!” So we all go. Me & jarrett on the side of the hall where u cant see & z knocks on the door! ..a man goes “who is it” z goes “where my bitch man?!” Jessica SCREAMS. & the voice says “aint no bitch in here bruh” i was like oh. My. God…z goes “open the door” ….guess who opens the door. THE NIGGA WIT DREADS THAT JARRETT WAS SMOKIN WIT AT THE RUN DOWN MOTEL!!!!!!!!!

I WAS LIKE YOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So he goes “come in & check.” To z. Z motioned for us to stay hidden. THANK GOD. So he goes in the room & dread head there by himself rn. Z sits on the bed wit his strap out & goes “where she at man?” Dreads goes “well since she wants to steal work frm my girls. She clearly wants to be here wit us….(we still dont see jess) so z goes to the closet and bust the door in & she in there. Tied up. Knocked tf out. Dreads goes "i got 20K for her right now man & all is forgiven” z said “we made more then 20k this weekend alone. Get outta here!” So dreads goes “my dudes downstairs not gone just let u walk out wit her like that” & z said “we’ll see” …mind u i can barely see. Im around the corner. So i just hear everything…

next thing i know i hear some shuffling & a gun goes off..once again I TAKE OFF. But i took off down the hall threw the back!! Jarrett wasnt far behind & then we look behind us & z is runnin too wit jess over his shoulder. He throws jess in the car & hops in the drivers seat! I hopped in wit him & jarret hopped in the other car & we got the fuck ON. Im cryin. I said “wtf happened?!” He goes “that nigga reached for his piece. I shot him in the face man” i was like OHHHMMAAAGAWDDD. We got back to our hotel, packed our shit & checked out.

We went to z and his fiances condo…nice as FUCK by the way.. Jess is up now & she tells us what happend. Apparently they recognized her from the motel & set her up (clearly) & once they snatched her. They told her to trap for them & she said no. So they beat her ass….thats what z interrupted when he knocked so they knocked her out…. I was like…..I REALLY gotta go home yall. Sorry to kill the mood but i cant take nomore of this. Jarrett was like “same” Z’s fiance was in the kitchen counting money dawg. Just like a rich ho. So z was like “everybody get some sleep. I gotta get rid of this” (Talkin about the gun) so he leaves…we all try to get some sleep.

The next morning he comes in wit tickets for me & jarrett. Jarrett goes “im not leaving jess here. Not after last night. She has a daughter & needs to come home” z was like “na we making money” I was like wooooww wit a black eye & busted lip & some FL niggas looking for yall u STILL tryna trap? Crazy. I was like “WELL IM READY!” Jess goes “itll be ok jarrett. I’ll be home in 3 days” jarrett started wit that punching himself shit again…i was like mannn. Here we go. Jarrett goes “come with me or im killing myself” z was like “ugh. Not this shit again. Ill be in the car. Yall 2 hurry up!”

So jarrett is literally breaking down. U ever seen someone hysterically crying? Its intense. & jess tryna calm him. . Im at the door ready. Jarrett randomly stops crying. Instantly. Like some movie shit. & goes “so u arent comin?!” Jess said “no jarrett. I cant” this nigga jarret. RUNS TOWARDS THEIR BALCONY & JUMPS!! I swear to GOD. bible. He fucking jumped. I screamed SO LOUD my heart stopped. Jess runs towards the balcony & this nigga jarrett was hanging. He didn’t fall all the way. He was stuck by his pants. THANK GOD!!!! We were only on the 4th floor but he still wouldve died. It was a good drop. So jess is helping him & i call z lmfaoo. Still crying. I was like “jarrett is stuck. He tried to jump off ur balcony” z was like “WHAT IS WRONG WIT THIS NIGGA!! FAMILIES LIVE HERE BRO WTF”

So z came up, helped get him. Slapped the fuck out of him (literally) & physically guided him to the car…jess comes out & goes. “I swear I didn’t set u up Zola. I never intended for u to trap. Thats why u didnt! I hope we can be friends after” . I looked at her like she wasn’t speaking English & i said “im not gone beat yo ass rn bcus u already in bad shape. But i better not ever see or hear from you again” & she walked away….z LITERALLY buckled jarretts seat belt lmfao. & we went to the airport.. Bare with me. It’s almost over.

When we landed in Detroit my man picked us up. We both looked HORRIBLE. so washed up & tired. My man was like “who is this white boy & wats wrong wit yall” i said “babe. Neither of us r the same. Just tak him 2 his car & tak me home” We drop jarrett off & on the way home i told him everything. He couldnt even speak honestly. Check this out, this the last 4 tweets.

I get a collect call 4 days later from a jail in LAS VEGAS! It’s JESSICA! She goes “we got caught trappin in vegas & we all got arrested” I said “oh. Why u callin me?” She goes “z was wanted for kidnapping 15 underage girls & is linked to 6 murders including FL” I said “Florida? Muder? U have the wrong number!” She screams “ASK JARRETT TO BAIL ME OUT, He wont answer my collect call” I said “JARRETT??? U really have the wrong number” i hung up & called jarrett. He goes “yea i heard. Its on the news. Hes a huge trafficker” I found out later that jessica & his fiance played victim & said they were forced & z who’s name i cant pronounce was a african man & was. Wanted literally everywhere. He got sentenced to life & i hear jess is back in Detroit wit her mom & baby…. And thats the end of that. If u stuck wit that whole story you are hilarious lol.

So… this feels really, really overwhelming for me after writing Janna for years, under different names with a lot of development, and I never thought that this OC of mine would actually.. ending up even more popular than the canon male characters I used to write? It really means a lot to me, after having friends tell me years ago they just don’t care to hear about my OC, and I still often wonder whether people do care and… I am so grateful for all of you. For the people sending memes, liking and reblogging posts, the people talking ooc to me, the people I thread with - I have been on this blog for longer than I managed to keep any other, and there are many people who already left behind their blogs, people I do miss, but there are also so many new friends I made along the way so… Here, if you want to see a small part of the people who make my stay here so great… Under the cut with absolutely no claims to being complete because I ALWAYS forget people!

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Dating would be like... | Jungkook Edition

tHIS BABY MEME OK LOVE HIM

  • He be so awkward while asking you out
  • legit would ask one of his hyungs for help
  • and would stumble and stammer over everything
  • until you take pity on the poor kid and just are like,
  • “Kookie. Yes.”
  • Taking selcas that range from super cute
  • to super derpy
  • being unsure about everything but will act like he knows what he’s doing
  • will shyly ask if you can help him in his workout
  • which means he uses you to bench press XD
  • THIS IS WHERE ADMIN KT’S CONTRIBUTION ENDS AND ADMIN HEDGEHOG’S TAKES OVER
  • THIS MUSCLE PIG HELL YEAH
  • sometimes u get a little jealous bc jikook lmao talk about a bromance am i right
  • when u hang out w him the first few times u have the rest of BTS hanging out as well bc they want to make sure ur safe and won’t hurt their baby maknae bc while he is Tough and Large he is also Soft and Sweet and must be protected
  • when they decide ur cool and they accept u  as Jungkook’s S/O they would basically adopt u 
  • Jin would mother over both of u no matter what ur age
  • y’all would double date w Vmin bc they would somehow end up tagging along? even tho u drove separately?
  • CONSTANT TEASING
  • he would make u get up on ur tippy toes to kiss him lmao and then make fun of u for not being able to reach
  • if u got mad at him for not bending down for u he would panic for a second and then be like “hey loser”
  • “what do u waNT NOW-”
  • and he gently cups your cheek and gives u the sweetest kiss ever.
  • u forgive him instantly of course
  • and he has to run away bc he’s still our smol bunny and omg did he actually do that omg omg
  • you walk over n give him a back hug like
  • “aww jungkookie are u blushing??”
  • “NO WHAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT NO” 
  • but u can tell bc the tips of his ears are red lmao
  • cute lil pecks or smOKIN MAKEOUTS U KNOW THAT BOY HAS IT IN HIM
  • u ask him to do ageyo once and he shuts that shit down real fast
  • unless u bribe him w food then prepare for death bc he a QT
  • he’ll always be asking u to play video games w him
  • the 2 of u will sit on the floor, him leaning against the sofa and you sitting between his legs, with his chin resting on your head
  • (he’s low key smelling ur hair once and a while dont say anything okay)
  • he’ll flex his  muscles all the damn time like if ur hugging him he’ll low key flex and ur like…damn…u fit
  • u go with him to work out once and then never again bc neither of u did much working out ;)
  • his back muscles tho omg i need a moment
  • u 2 would be the innocent couple that people r like?? are they really dating?
  • the only reason i say that is bc y’all would roast each other so much 
  • “why are you doing so many hip thrusts??? do u think ur hot shit or something”
  • “Hell yeah i’m hot shit it’s better then being actual shit like someone else i know”
  • “u have 2 seconds to run before i fight you”
  • “please u have the arms of a 2 y/o meanwhile i have the arms of a god i fear nothing”
  • “No kisses for a week.” 
  • ‘wai t wAIT NO ARE YOU SERIOUS JAGI ARE U SERIOUS IM SO RRY”
  • sin time ;)
  •  y'all i keep going back n forth between Dom!Jungkook or Sub!Jungkook like oh my
  • he really could be either I’m p sure he’s a switch
  • he’s probably a sub the first few times y'all have sex like he’s so shy
  • your first time together is so sweet and low-key awkward but lbr who’s first time ISNT awkward??? 
  • maybe he becomes more of a dom the longer u 2 are together
  • i’m a firm believer in the idea that he is a f a n of wall sex like u all could be having a fight and then suddenly ur making out against the wall one of his hands holding u up(bc muscles) and the other one going up your shirt lord help me 
  • not really super kinky but would be willing to try out some MINOR kinks you might have? 
  • call him Oppa doesn’t matter if ur older or younger he will go crazy for it and then u won’t be able to walk for a lil bit and he’s such a smug asshole about it.
  • not really loud?? more of a grunter and a soft moaner when he’s on top but when he’s on the bottom he’s a lil louder w soft gasps and groans
  • TOTALLY AN ASS MAN like u know he’s all about that booty
  • i can’t do this anymore that’s it bye i’m retiring from this job ur killing me u guys
  • y'all would be really sweet n cute together and it would be kind of awkward at first
  • just bc it’s out maknae’s first real relationship but it’s okay we all are awkward at times
  • and even tho sometimes he’s not the best at expressing his emotions he’s more of an actions speak louder then words kind of person and he’s not super good at big romantic gestures but
  • u never have any doubt that he loves u and he loves u in such a pure and wholesome way 
  • tries to get u to dance w him at 1 am when he’s making food for some reason nd u refuse but then he gently grabs your waist and swings around and somehow u end up slow dancing and he rests his forehead on yours 
  • and u 2 just sway there in your own lil world staring into each others eyes
  • (until u smell something burning and it turns out he forgot to set a timer for his food and suddenly ur apartment smells like burnt noodles for a few days)

my heart hurts let me hug this child can he slow his roll and stop tryin to wreck my bias list bye boy

<3 you! ~Admin Hedgehog (and Admin KT who started this for me lololol thanks bae)

Dad!Jared Kleinman Headcanons

Warnings: Jared as a dad

A/N: always wanted to one of these! yeet
_________________________________________________

-oKAY straight up this boy would be in tears as soon as he meets his first born

-after he’s done crying, he’d look his son in the face and go “im going to make so many memes of you, just you wait”

-when you get home, he just cuddles you and his son on the couch
“i cant believe this is actually real. our son is so beautiful…. he got that from me”

-hes actually hella nervous to hold his son because he thinks he’ll break him

-so you guide his hands and help him

-jared cries again

-jared knows how much pain you went through while you were pregnant, so he lets you sleep while he takes care of his son in the middle of the night

-he gets really jealous that you get to spend all day with your son
“(y/n), can i take him to work?”
“no”
“but what if we end up having problems in his teenage years because you wont let me spend quality time with him?”

-jared takes care of your son while you go out to run errands and when you come back, you see your son covered in peanut butter
“jared what the hell!?”
“hes the peanut butter baby!!”
“omg jared stop”

-when you have your daughter, jared goes into full protective dad mode

-any boy that isnt her brother that gets near her, instantly makes him hate them
“jared they’re just playing together”
“boys are pigs (y/n)! you don’t know what they’re planning!”

-when your daughter gets older, jared teaches your son how to stand up for his sister
“okay so when boys try to talk to her, you-”
“jared what are you doing”
“nothing”

-get along shirts are a must… they’re jared’s children so they’re bound to get into arguments

-jared cries again when he finds out that his kids fought because they both wanted to have him go to their class for “bring your parent to school” day

-he hangs up all of their art on the fridge

-he cant cook, so whenever you work late, he just gives them ramen noodles with smores

-he loves telling them the story of when you fell in love with him
“im pretty sure you fell in love with me first”
“see kids? mom is trying to save face… she totally thought i was a stud”
“jaaaared”

-he loves waking up early on saturdays to watch cartoons with the kids while you make breakfast

-he is always recording the kids… like all the time
“jared you dont have to record every single moment”
“what if i miss something? i wouldnt be able to deal with that emotionally”

-you’ll never forget when you came home from work one night and they were all passed out on the pull out couch and you placed a blanket over them

-there was a drawing in your daughter’s hand and it had you, her, jared, and your son all holding hands

-you cried and hung it on the fridge

-all around hes a really good dad who loves just being a goofball with his kiddos

-i love jared kleinman okay? hes a good dad!!