i dont know what else you want me to do

anonymous asked:

Hi! I want to ask advice.I'm learning fine art at a university, and try to do my best, but every day I feel like the fandom groups/facebook etc. slowly but surely kill my passion for 3 years. Ignorance, humiliation, disregard. I'm at my wit's end. I dont know what should I do, I want to keep drawing, but I feel like its pointless, and no matter how hard I try my artwork is useless. I feel like I'm making a mistake by believing, I can work as an artist, and I should search for something else.

This message kind of makes me very sad. 

There’s one thing I can advice. Quit the groups and fandom circles that make you burn out so much. There is no way every single fan in a fandom you love is ignorant, or humiliating, or disregarding. Find YOUR people who will support you and re-charge your passion. 

I feel like it’s in a way how I feel about tumblr recently. I see so many posts on my dashboard that either make me super bitter or annoyed…I kind of feel like a sea of salt after I spent too much on tumblr, but whenever I’m out of it I’m back to the ray of sunshine. I guess there are blogs and posts I feel no longer connected to. And it’s normal.

SO. Try finding someone you connect to. Having a one loyal friend in a fandom you can always talk to is much better than seeing the art (even if it’s great art) from a person you don’t understand. 

There is absolutely no way that your artwork is USELESS. I generally feel that the main point of art should be bringing YOU joy. If you draw there should be something you love about it. I guess it shouldn’t really rely on recognition only. 

Also, I might sound like Katara, but hey, faith pays off. If you truly believe in something it’s going to get you there eventually. 

  • naruto: idk i think i dont really wanna be hokage anymore
  • sasuke: huh?
  • naruto: i mean like. it was kind of a kiddy dream, right? i don't really think i want the job, i don't think i'd be very good at it. i just wanted the acknowledgement, really, but i've got that! and i've got friends, and family... i think i'm good.
  • sasuke: that's good, then.
  • naruto: but idk what else to do with my life if i don't do that, you know? that was the whole plan.
  • sasuke: are you asking me for advice?
  • naruto: i mean, i guess?
  • sasuke: dude i didn't plan to live past like, max 17. i'm wingin' absolutely everything here.
  • naruto: dude
  • sasuke: why do you think all my decisions are so poorly thought out?
  • naruto: because you're stupid?
  • sasuke: shut the fuck up

Do you know what else we needed in the Hamilton musical? Washington roasting Alexander after the Reynolds Pamphlets.

- Alex is in his office when someone knocks at the door.

- Since Eliza won’t talk to him and his political enemies are done with him, he thinks it’s his son.

- So he goes to the door, apologizing while he opens it, and saying that all this mess will end soon.

- But when he looks who’s there it’s George who's standing in front of him with a dead glare.

- Alexander shivers because it’s even worse than when they shot Lee with Laurens.

- GWash just pushes the papers against his chest and say in a very low and slow voice “Have you ever thought of the consequences.”

- And Hamilton goes like “It was- it was for my legacy! I thought that if I was honest, people understood!”

- Georges just grabs him by the shoulders and says “Alexander, you don’t get the point! ‘Protecting my legacy’ always those words in your head! But for having a legacy, you first need to grow-up a bit! You acted with egoism! Like a child!" 

-There’s a silence, Washington let him go and he says "And Miss Reynolds. Have you thought of her?”

- “You were her lifeboat. She trusted you. And betrayed them in the most disgusting way, only for your little privilege. You lied to her. You call that being honest?!”

- Georges stands a little further. “What happened to you. How did you become like that?”

- Alex just lowers his head, in shame. Few minutes or few seconds pass and suddenly GWash says very coldly: 

-“Hamilton.”

- “Sir, I-”

- “I won’t call you son anymore.” Alexander’s starts to shake because this sentence remembers him of his childhood.

- “I don’t want any monster in my family.”

- And he leaves Alexander who shatters

anonymous asked:

TT I need advice I told my datepartner it's okay that they're poly and that I just dont want to know about their other relationships but I'm not I'm really not okay with it and I don't know what to do and I'm just really hurt and upset and I know this probably isn't the kind of thing to ask a hp rper but i dont know who else to ask because as dumb as it is cause you dont and will not ever know me you're my best friend I dont know who else I can turn to please help me

(( OOC: I have a very strong opinion on this, so forgive my bluntness.  

Be. Honest. With. People. 

This goes for any type of relationship. If you are not alright with something, if you have concerns, or if someone you love does things that make you upset or uncomfortable… talk to them about it. Be open with them… discuss it (Do it in a kind, loving, open-minded way, but talk to them). 

If you are in a romantic relationship with someone, and you are not comfortable with their preferences or how they view relationships… then there must either be compromise/change… or the romantic relationship should end, because you cannot provide each other with the things that you value most.  

Relationships are built on trust… if you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship. If you aren’t honest with others, or if they are not honest with you, then you will be building a relationship with a stranger. 

If you are not truthful about who you are, and what you want out of life… then the person you are with will be falling in love with someone that isn’t real.

They will love the image you put forward and not the real you, because you’re not allowing them to know the real you. You’re catering to what you think they want, and sacrificing yourself in the process. 

If you feel like you can’t be honest with someone, for fear of them leaving you… 

That is not a real relationship. That’s pretending. That’s playing. That’s nothing.

Be. Honest. With. People. 

Be honest with yourself. )) 

Promt list

1. “Thats my phone”
2. “Why do you have my bra in your hand?”
3. “I don’t feel so good”
4. “You mean everything to me….”
5. “You lost your ring?….”
6. “Great now the fire alarm is going off”
7. “You mean to tell me that you ate all my food?…”
8. “How dare you use me when you knew i loved you….”
9. “Forget it”
10. “Maybe wishes do come true after all
11. “Maybe soulmates are a thing”
12. “Lets go travel the world”
13. “Can we sleep under the stars?”
14. “I saw you sitting alone and thought you would use some company”
15. “Are you seriously horny right now?”
16. “Whats with the cheesy pickup lines?”
17. “Nooo! They belonged together”
18. “Your jealous over my celebrity crush?”
19. “Could i maybe get your number?”
20. “How about a date?”
21. “Netflix?”
22. “Was it really worth it?”
23. “Yeah well now you’ve lost me”
24. “Let me help you goddammit”
25. “Stop being stubborn and come cuddle me”
26. “You drove here at 2 in the morning to come and get cuddles?”
27. “Soooo…..what now?”
28. “I thought you locked the door”
29. “This is going to be the end of me”
30. “You are going to be the death of me”
31. “Your just another player and its game over for us”
32. “You’re seriously a man-child”
33. “I want you. Only you”
34. “Do you belive in love at first sight?”
35. “Im so stupid. I fell for my best friend”
36. “Its cute when you blush”
37. “Back off”
38. “Is there a reason your crawling threw my window?”
39. “Thats a cute laugh. I like it”
40. “Move in with me?”
41. “I guess this is it…”
42. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this”
43. “You owe me 10 bucks”
44. “Can you bring pizza and beer”
45. “What did that asshole do to you?”
46. “What did you do?”
47. “Ewww thats gross”
48. “Stick that toung out again and i will cut it off”
49. “Im not crying. Theres something in my eye”
50. “Wow. Your stupid”
51. “Did i fucking stutter?”
52. “You should leave”
53. “Dont mind me”
54. “Nice moves love”
55. “What a dumb idea. Im in”
56. “Can someone shoot him?”
57. “Don’t say a word”
58. “Shit, thats hot”
59. “I dont care”
60. “You need to leave”
61. “Fuck off”
62. “NEVER!”
63. “Do you even love me?”
64. “I think i just fell in love”
65. “I cant do this anymore”
66. “You’re so whipped”
67. “Forever?”
68. “I fall in love with you more and more ever day”
69. “Your all i have left”
70. “Care to dance?”
71. “Please. Just dont”
72. “Im sorry”
73. “I said im sorry what more do you want!”
74. “You cant just sit there all day”
75. “You can lock yourself away from everyone else….but please dont push me away”
76. “You can’t banish me!! This is my bed too”
77. “Talk about awkward”
78. “If you die. I’ll kill you”
79. “That dosn’t make sense”
80. “Just smile. I just really need to see you smile right now”
81. “How funny. You think i care”
82. “Tell me what’s happened. Why have we changed”
83. “I don’t even know you anymore.”
84. “Do you really need all that candy?”
85. “Don’t yell at me”
86. “Good thing i didn’t ask for your opinion”
87. “She’s hiding behind the sofa”
89. “He’s respectable. But you know, a little dodgy”
90. “Your too good for this world”
91. “Only if you give me a piggy back ride”
92. “Let’s build a fort”
93. “Wait, you like me?”
94. “Wait….is this a date?”
95. “If i did anything right in my life, it was falling in love with you”
96. “Listen i really dont like you but you hsve a puppy so im going to be over a lot”
97. “I desere an explanation. I desereve an acceptable reason”
98. “You can hate me. You can dislike me. But why cheat on me?”
99. “Your hair is so soft”
100. “I thought it’d be less hurt if i left now. But it turn out i was wrong. I promise ill never leave again”


Suggest who you would like it to be with and what number/s. Stay groovy 😎

Originally posted by winterxblogger

pro tip:

you know those ‘reblog this post or else _____ will happen” posts? well if you’re someone with anxiety or superstition who gets uncomfortable not reblogging them even though you know theyre fake, but don’t want to actually have them on your blog, keep this in mind:

 the posts only say that you need to REBLOG them, they don’t say anything about deleting it afterwards. that’s what i always do - if i reblog it and delete it five seconds later, they cant get me since i technically followed the instructions! LOOPHOLED  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Me: Oh, it’d be so nice if my OTP held hands or hugged!

YOI Creators: Done. What else?

Me: Oh well, it’d be super nice if they lived together somehow. Domestic stuff. Parenting -

YOIC: Done. What else?

Me: Oh! Well I don’t know, ahah, kisses and confessing their love would be super cute and nice but that’ll never happ–

YOIC: Done. What ELSE?

Me: Well …. I’ve never gotten this far so …. ml hahaha wouldn’t it be crazy if they got engaged? Gosh that’s so–

YOIC: DONE. WHAT. ELSE?

Me: *stuttering* I - I I don’t know what else to want? I’ve never - this is uncharted -

YOIC: *Shaking me by the collar* WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT. NEXT.

Me: *breaking down crying* Please … i dont know … i dont even care about the grand prix just … don’t hurt the dogs anymore…. oh gosh …this is so new I … let me live. … *choked sobs*

anonymous asked:

I'm attending my first con tomorrow and am cosplaying for the first time (my dad is also with me, and I'm not sure what's the right way to ask someone else about their cosplay without it sounding rude? Especially when you don't know what it is but want to compliment them.) Any major dos and donts for first time con peeps?

Hmm. Quick rundown since I’m about to go to bed

If a cosplayer is sitting down, usually they don’t want to be photographed.
Never ask someone who is eating if you can take a photo.
Always ask before taking a picture
DONT TOUCH WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Don’t assume their character and say “are you [insert character here]??” Just say “I like your cosplay, may I ask what it’s from?”

If you want to take a photo of someone just go up and ask! Usually like “hey! Is it ok if I get a photo of you?”
If you want to ask about their cosplay it’s like the picture thing. I’ve had people come up and ask me how I’ve made something a lot! Just like a “hey, I love your cosplay! Can I ask how you made [insert part of cosplay here]”

For the most part cosplayers are very nice and get excited when you want a photo, so don’t be afraid!

why i hate the words, "i hope you get better soon"/"i hope youll be healed up soon" as someone with a chronic illness

so, the obvious answer here is that chronically ill means that i wont get better but, theres a lot more to this.

yes, i get that people who say this to chronically ill peeps tend to have good intentions and i know they dont mean to sound ignorant, but the problem is that when they say this, all it proves is that they ARE ignorant, and so are their words, no matter how well intentioned they might be.

i also hate it because it reminds me that im not getting better, and that people dont care enough or generally dont know enough to acknowledge that, so them trying to be comforting, telling me that “itll be okay soon” and “they hope i get better soon” is a lot like giving me a tissue to wipe off spit on my face, but they didnt realize that that tissue is also covered in spit.

like, thanks, the intention is nice and all but it doesnt help and it can make me feel worse. idk if im making sense but honestly im tired of being told that people are just trying to be nice so i should deal with it, like, how about i talk to them and try to make them understand why its not the best thing to say.

i want to tell them that it makes me uncomfortable, that im not sure how to respond because what i was ignorant and frustrating but because they didnt mean to be rude i should just let it be? nah my guy, listen, theres a ton of things you can say that would help, like “im sorry you have to go through that, you shouldnt have to” or “i dont know what to say, but i wish i did” or literally anything else

cause honestly when you say “i hope you get better soon” or “i bet youll be healed in no time”, all youre doing is showing how little you know about my issues and my struggle, because often a part of my struggle is knowing that i wont get better.

RUSH HOUR KLANCE AU

The Klance au NO ONE WANTED I’m shocked no one did yet. Like really go tweet Chris Tucker for giving me the idea after seeing him on TV. I will be doing more XD
I can not believe I did this… you don’t have to even ship klance at all just put them in this movie setting and watch the fun happen

anonymous asked:

i never thought tae///kook is real because they slept next to each other in bon voyage, i mean i slept next to my best friend and sister so many times, jk said ''i want you'' for jimin for three times, i dont know what else they want

personally, tae/kook has always been 100% bros being bros, strictly-platonic-maybe-they-crushed-on-each-other-for-five-minutes type of relationship to me. I’ve been best friends with the same girl for almost 9 years, and we act like Tae/kook. We used to have a handshake (like tae/kook do), we slept in the same bed before (like tae/kook have), we address each other as best friends as ‘loser’ and ‘stupid’ (like jungkook said him and tae are ‘dumb and dumber’ friends). There has never been a tae/kook moment that made me think they were romantically involved or crushing on each other. It seems like a bro-filled platonic love. So, the only tae/kook moment that i could think of at the time was the bon voyage behind the scenes sleeping photos.
But as I said…. the evidence that Jikook shippers have….. just makes Jikook seem so realistic and pure and full of romantic love. There’s so many instances where I see a Jikook moment and have to take a step back because they were just too REAL. Like this hotel room thing, or the pat on the head in the recent vlive (where jimin had leaned forward as if too kiss jungkooks head), or Jimin’s twitter video on JK’s grad day, or Jungkook physically retracting his hand and curling it into a fist when he accidentally caressed Jimin’s back, or the most recent backhug where Jungkook just seemed… at home with his head resting in Jimin’s neck. It just seems too real to me, so much that it scares me.

Last Day Drama

Its my last day of work before moving out of state.

My manager had just brewed a pot of decaf (which we normally dont have at this point in the day), like JUST brewed, barely not boiling, when a car comes through the drive through and orders some food and a decaf.

I ring up the customer, give her her food, and go to hand her her cup. Instead of just handing it out, my hand clips the edge of the window, and the lid pops off, and (barely not boiling) decaf spills all over my left hand.

(There’s a time skip that I dont really remember, my manager told me about it later) Apparently I screamed and she ran over and saw me crying and holding my hand.

(Back to what I do remember) She runs to grab some mustard to put on my hand (???) and as shes going to get it, I turn and notice a guy standing at the counter. Im still sobbing, but I don’t know what else to do, so I take his order.

This guy, this guy right here, did not remotely acknowledge me, outside of me asking what he wanted. No are you okay. No nothing.

Manager finds the mustard, and tells me to smear it on the burns (again, ???) which I start doing and she sees the guy and finishes ringing him up.

One of the cooks sees me crying through the window, somehow understands my explanation even though I’m still crying, and tells me to go back into the kitchen while she gets the first aid kit. She treats the burn with burn spray, and im mostly calm at this point aside from the occasional sniffle. I go back to work and joke about it cause I hate when people worry about me.

My manager is filling out an incident report and I (one handed because duh) take out the same guy from earliers food. He STIILL doesn’t acknowledge me.

Anyways, that was my day.

Tldr: burn myself really bad on my last day, still have to take some jerkwads order

BTS reaction to you not believing they will love you forever.

Oh boy ok it has been a really hot minute since I’ve done a written ship and I am so so sorry this took so long. 

Rap Monster

He would be hurt, not understanding what brought this on. Namjoon is intelligent and talented but he can occasionally miss the mood so if you were upset he wouldn’t have noticed especially since he just promised to love you.

“Babe I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like you weren’t loved but what brought this on? We have to talk this through, what makes you think I’ll ever stop loving you?” 

Originally posted by ksjknj

Jin:

He would be devastated. Jin is an extremely loving guy he wouldn’t understand what happened to make you feel this way he would do everything in his power to fix how you felt. He would think maybe he was too busy with scheduling or practice and wasn’t giving you enough attention or love.

“Jagiya I’m going to everything I possibly can to show to you how much I love you and how I will love you for as long as I am breathing. Is this because of something else? Because I’m an idol?” 


Originally posted by perssphone

Suga:

Unlike the other two I feel like Yoongi would be angry if you said this. The conversation probably started because the two of you had an argument and he tried to fix it by saying he would love you forever no matter what. When you didn’t give him back the response he was expecting he would be hurt and show that by lashing out

“I dont know what else you want me to say! If you think what we have here is doomed to end anyway then maybe we should just end it now…” 

Originally posted by jeonbase

Jhope: 

HE would cry. Hobi would be so hurt that you didn’t think he would love you forever. He wouldn’t understand how you could feel that way and would try to reason with you through his tears. He would hug you close and try to show you what he felt. 

“How could you possibly ever think i wouldn’t?? What did I do to make you feel this way??”

Originally posted by pastelyoonseok

Jimin: 

This boy I think would act a little pissy to be honest. He wouldn’t understand what you meant because he sure as hell loved you a lot but if you thought they wouldn’t be together forever maybe it was because how you felt on your end. 

“well at least I planned on it but maybe you had different plans?”

Originally posted by mintsugakookies

V:

He would be so sad omg if you said this to him he would be crushed. Taehyung would express his confusion loudly completely not understanding why you thought he wouldn’t be able to keep this promise. 

“What?! Jagi I will never ever ever stop loving you I swear!”

Originally posted by donewithjeon

Jungkook: 

This poor boy he would be so lost he wouldn’t know why you would say that when he was trying to be romantic and sweet. That reaction would not be what he was expecting at all.

“Wait what? I…I was trying to be romantic. Wait do you want to break up? is there something I missed? Whats happening?”

Originally posted by nnochu

Hope that was ok i have not written in a veryyyy long time

~Admin Sai

Disobey ( kim taehyung smut)

(Mommy kink )

“Taehyung what did mommy say? ” you try to keep a stern voice as he rubs your ass. “She said wait until she’s finished cooking right? ” he nods but continues what he’s doing . “But i don’t wanna wait mommy ” he says in a teasing tone. “Why should i have to wait for what is mine?” He lifts up your dress and pushes his clothed erection against you. You turn to face him. “ go and sit down or else” you say your voice much softer than what you wanted . “Mommy i dont want to i want you i know you want me too that’s why your so wet~” . You walk into the bedroom he follows close behind. “Just get on the bed tae” he hops on the bed and pulls down his pants enough to let his erection spring free it’s a bit red and throbbing he’s really needy. “Mommy please ” you climb over him and move so his erection is in your face and your heat is in his . Before you get a chance to speak he’s eagerly lapping at your folds and lightly wiggling his hips. You wrap your hand around his erection and pump slowly. You bite your lip as you feel him start to slowly tounge fuck you. “Taehyung” you breathe out . You put your mouth on him finally and suck ,he wraps his arms around your thighs to secure you in place and lightly bucks his hips you moan around him already feeling that knot in your stomach, you suck and pump him and soon his bittersweat cum fills your mouth and you swallow because you know he likes that. Soon you release and ride your orgasm out on his face but he hasn’t let go of your thighs and soon he’s licking you into overstimulation you feel your second orgasm already approaching you close your eyes knowing you’ll be at this all night but you dont really mind tho.

Originally posted by btsdaddy

admin j
me at starbucks

me: hey do you guys still have any pumpkin spice syrup left? 
cute, unusually peppy barista: yeah! it’s funny actually, like its always in demand but we never run out
me: oh wow. that syrup so brave…
me and the barista, at the same time: … and so fucking orange!
barista: oh my god!!!
me: holy shit!!!!
barista: i love that post!!!
me: really? *pauses* you know… i’m mutuals with nadine, on tumblr
barista, visibly impressed: what?? no way!! 

ok i dont know how to finish this joke if someone else wants to take over from here feel free

The Tinder Tutorials

I get a lot of asks about Tinder and I thought it would be worthwhile to collect my “best of” posts right here.  Each of the topics I list has the relevant links immediately following.  These tutorials will have you swiping and matching in no time!


Is the guy that just matched you more vanilla than sugar daddy?  These links help you figure out which he is and include a sample text/message. It clearly communicates that you are a sugar baby looking for a sugar daddy, not a vanilla FWB!

I met a POT on Tinder a few weeks ago, I stopped talking to him because he seemed more “vanilla” than SD. But he’s reached out to me recently, but I haven’t responded. He’s a really nice guy, but I don’t want to waste my time. Do you think I should reply? If so, what should I say to steer him towards SD?

 I have a match on tinder with an 48y man and I think he’s a sd. I haven’t told him yet I’m a sb but I think he suspects that. He just asked me what I’m looking for but I dont know how to make it clear. Can you please help me?

 So i met this nice gentlemen on Tinder and we have texted and really hit it off but since I took the tinder approach I am not sure if he understands that I am a sugar baby and need certain things. How do i SUBTLY let him know what I’m looking for? I could do the spoiled girlfriend approach but I dont want to ruin something with such potential.

Tips on how to set up a Tinder profile as a sugar baby.

How do I get a sugardaddy on tinder?

Besides outright stating I’m a SB, what else should I put on my Tinder profile to attract sugar daddy’s? Like is it the same as a profile on SA or should I keep it short?

Initial messages on Tinder are critical, yet guys don’t always grasp the importance!  Here are my thoughts to “get the ball rolling”

How do you spice up conversation with men on tinder/SA who have nothing in their bio that you can use to your advantage to spice up the conversation? I keep getting the hi , how you doing , nothing , where you from type of conversation. You would think older men would be clever and interesting in messages.

So after matching on tinder with men that are interested in being a sugar daddy wth do I talk to them about lol, do I tell them what I want because I really have no clue what to keep talking about after that. I’ve read post here to not talk to them about allowances thru there but to do it in person but I have no idea want to talk to them about after they say they are interested.

This post details the basic steps of moving from Tinder match to Arrangement

So I met this pot on tinder, and is it me just being paranoid or is it sketch that he would rather talk through the site. I offered him my email and offered to take his number

Don’t try to judge a guy’s wealth based on a Tinder profile.  

I was thinking of using tinder for SD searching, but I’m not sure of how to tell real wealth. I know that the clothing is apart of it. Do you have any tips to identify it in pbotos

And last, but definitely not least, I am including a link to a post that I found (the sugar baby who posted it has been since deactivated, so I can’t give her a proper shout out) that gives great tips on how to use Tinder.  As an added bonus, her tips can be used with sugar websites as well.  It is very good and definitely worth the read!

It’s going down; I’m yelling Tinder

anonymous asked:

im in an abusive relationship with a man. i've come to the realization that im a lesbian and that he's been emotionally abusing me for years, like completely shutting me out for days when i do one thing wrong, but im scared to leave him. he says if i leave him he'll kill himself, that i'm his only reason to live and im scared. i dont know where else to turn to so im sorry im sending this here. what should i do???

Don’t be sorry, anon! We’re here for you. OK, first, what he chooses to do is his responsibility (in my experience they don’t do anything too bad ever they just want to guilt trip and manipulate you). If you are legitimately worried, reach out to his friends or family (IF they are decent people and won’t try to guilt you into staying). You discovering you are a lesbian is OK and it may hurt him but it’s not your fault you didn’t realize it before being involved with him. Him attempting to make you stay with him despite that IS abusive. If I found out my bf was gay I’d probably feel bad but as a decent person I’d have to accept it and let him go. Feel free to message us anytime! ❤

Typed transcripts of Eric's Entire journal: 4-10-98 to 4-3-99

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying “well what makes you so different?”. because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples’ own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. … They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might “think” they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it’s the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask “why?” eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this “because! Just shut up!” people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don’t buy that shit like “oh hes my son though!” so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say “But he is worth the time, he is human too” no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. – 4/10/98


as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else. I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. Ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (I.E. parents, cops, God, teachers) telling me what to [arrow points to do, think, say, act, and everything else] just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anymore in the fucking welt in terms of universal Intelligence and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just “ßUCK DICH” and saugen mein Hund! Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free, I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. BTW, “sorry” is just a word. it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. put them in a doom world. no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what “cation” means, you die! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [Censored by J.C.Sheriff Office] who rely on others or on sympathy or $ to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world. no one is worthy of this planet only me and who ever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I saw should be left behind. 4/12/98


ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for these who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of turning all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause “thats what its like”. well god damit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts. so why don’t we? people go on day by day. rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the “real world is like” well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual “real world”. its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans. if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont. I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. “man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness” - Based on Lem’s quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK, and people say things like, “oh it was so tragic,” or “oh he is crazy!” or “It was bloody!” I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well god damit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt “right” or “morally accepted” NO, NO, NO GOD FUCKING DAMIT NO!I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and i fyou pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me. like [Censored by J.C. Sheriff Office] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered – 4/21/98


The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs, and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. they waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. the human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless discraceful TV shows on (scratched out) and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre “supposed to” so that drains or filters out a little bit of human nature. but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass. society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school, laws, jobs, and parents do If they realize it or not and them, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and goverments are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking “hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other goverments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world” and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I’m to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all – 5/6/98


It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn’t worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like “dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight” you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit [illegible] wear. its funny, people say “you shouldn’t be so different.” to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn’t be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be “original-copycats”, I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; “normal” or “civilized” - see tempest and Caliban. allyou degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90’s society. “what? you AREN’T going to college, are you are crazy!” holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll step back to far like Nick in Elm3. w/ the same concequence. – 5/9/98


wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for exellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things. anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed “unusual” or weird or crazy. people want to be a part of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out = they had fault = they failed = their ideas didnt work. humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quicker/easier. people always say we shouldnt be racist. why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays….well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed. mit keine fragen. lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn’t think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. – 5/20/98


If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a “final solution” to the Jewish problem… kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, “K I L L M A N K I N D” no one should survive. we all live in lies. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws. you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of the shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they’ll say “ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won.” you see! it’s fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if onlu some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless. fuck mercy fuck justic fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws… DIE manmade words…people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math. deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then… you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! - 6/12/98-

KEIN MITLEID

“when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy” - Fly 9/2/98

wait mercy doesnt exist….


heres something to chew on….: today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think “damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass.” for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation…. then I realized, “hey, this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control. but me, I see all… you can only blind me for so long. but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even [censored]. If can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote "civilized, developed, and known-of” places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, I’ll think about that. eh. done for tonight -REB- 6/13/98


As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think. Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choice. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn’t expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk. one could think it was a “miracle” that she wasnt hit. you see, anything and everything that happens in our world is just that, a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer, but yet we try to have a “universal law” or “code” of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn’t be allowed to do that. we arent GODS. just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be “judges” of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can “think” and “believe” you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. “morale” is just another word. and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off, and since humans have the ability to choose… and I’m human… I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to so take that. fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only Nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up!
-REB- 7/29/98


someones bound to say “what were they thinking?” when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. “I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It’s either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings.” keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weaponry, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the AlIENS books, I aint going out without a fight.
Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair… not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel, too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks…. oh man that would be beautiful. – 10/23/98


you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie a lot. almost constant. and to everybody, just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way (side note) I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told; “yeah I stopped smoking,” “for doing it not for getting caught,” “no I’m havent been making more bombs,” “no I wouldn’t do that,” and of course, countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else. because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are probly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die, but hey, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98


heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and one and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnopps, puckers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM. got up at 10, went to safeway got some donouts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of Tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I’ll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too!
11/8/98


Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I’ll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I’m some person who would go on a shooting spree…. fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn’t have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me… constantly… therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I’ll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms!
11/12/98


HATE! I’m full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats good for em. yes I hate and I guess I want others to know it, yes I’m racist and I don’t mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened before, and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis too… by the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn’t have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yeah something. its all DOOMed god damnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I’m showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it’ll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable… but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I’ll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn’t have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did… so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right… true… correct… perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe that’ll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh… weisses fleisch! dein weisses fleisch emegt mich soo… Ich bin dech nur ein gigilo! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh… the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair; jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist… BJ ist mir egal. I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on. I couldnt stop staring. and others like [censored] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to overpower and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now… the salty sweat, the animalistic movement… Iccchhh… lieeebe…… fleisccchhhh. who can I trick into my room first? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then “fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside” as Reznor said. oh… thats something else… that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell… actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and yank the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping, ahh… so much to do and so little chances. – 11/17/98

“weisses
fleisch”
- perfect
- song
- for
- me


Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga. shotgun, a pump action 12ga. shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4 - 10 round clips for the carbine. we……. have…. GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHA! neener! Booga Booga. heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll there till tomorrow… after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad. we would done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but, alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my “flask”. that really disappoints me. [censored] I know you thought it was good for me… in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? god damn flask, that just fucked me over big time. now you all will be on my ass even more than before about being on track. I’ll get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone then thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for, THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door because of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike. I have confidence in my ability to dese(cei)ve people. hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ug, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, I’ll continue tomorrow.
11/22/98


yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy, and hopefully I’ll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun “Arlene” after Arlene Sanders from the DOOM books. She always did love the shotgun. Vodka’s DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn’t my thing, but It felt good to just have around. that argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember “what the hell am I gonna do now man?! what am I gonna do!?” thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too. and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine, It would have given me a reason to do good. and I would never drink and drive, either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading…. hell yeah!

We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 200$ real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too.
12/3/98


Woohoo, I’ll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I’ll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I’m gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave then there to go off, without any fucking Jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin.
12/17/98


heh, get this. KMFDM’s new album is entitled “Adios” and it’s release date is in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final “Adios” tribute to Reb and Vodka. thanks KMFDM… I ripped the hell outa the system
12/20/98


jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank god I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WOOHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I’ll have enough. now I just need to get Vodka another gun.
12/29/98


Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I’m trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say, “well thats your fault” because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.
4/3/99