I couldnt stop thinking about this post so I decided to write a little drabbly thing inspired by it.
Word Count: 1388
You walked into the sixth store that day, you had only found a couple of new things so far but looking around this place you knew you would have some luck here. It had been a couple months since you and your long term boyfriend had broken up and you were finally starting to feel happy and confident again. You got a new haircut, a facial, and the sun was shinning. You had spent the day shopping and walking around the city with your best friend and you couldn’t be happier. You were feeling truly great without the stress of a relationship or a man not to mention you were finally updating you closet. You and your best friend walked around the most recent store picking up hanger afterhanger of clothes for you to try on.
“What do you think of this color?” you ask your best friend holding up a top.
“It’s not bad, but I think this would look even better!” (Y/F/N) says holding up a similar shirt in a different color. You grab them both, along with the rest of the pile and head to the fitting rooms.
Your friend waited outside the fitting rooms sitting on one of those big poofy cushion chairs waiting for you to come out for opinions. You step into the room and try on the first outfit, turning around a couple of times, you loved the bottoms but you weren’t really sure about the cut of the top, so you decided to step out and ask your friend. You made sure the door wouldn’t lock and stepped down the hallway to the sitting area. You saw your friend, but she didn’t see you, she was too busy looking at a group of a couple of guys standing around a clothing rack. You werent really in the mindset to be thinking or caring about guys at the moment so you called your friend’s name to get their opinion. “I really like that shirt actually, its a really good look for you” she answered when you asked about it. You nodded in agreement and went back to your fitting room to try more things on. Before you finished changing you heard your phone beep. You pulled on the next pair of jeans and checked the message and it was from your best friend. “Why didn’t she just come back here what could be so important?” you thought rolling your eyes but opening the message anyway.
Not to be weird and I know you swore off guys for a while or whatever but there are at least 2 cute hockey players that are here"
You rolled your eyes and sighed, she was correct in saying you swore off guys, you especially were not interested in some womanizer hyper masculine hockey player. You put your phone away and walked out to show your friend the top she had picked out. Despite your best effort not to care, you did a quick sweep of the store to see if there were any familiar hockey faces. You didn’t see anything at first glance so you walked over to your friend and showed her the top, commenting that you thought you liked the color of the other one better. Before she could say anything a masculine voice from the corner chimed in, “That color looks really good on you, but I didn’t see the other one so I can’t really say” You turned around to see a tall (admittedly good looking) guy smirking at you. You heard your friend attempt to hold in a squeal, which you figured must mean this guy was one of those hockey players she was talking about. He did look familiar but you couldn’t come up with a name.
“Thank you” you replied, “ but I don’t know if I want to take fashion advice from a guy that doesn’t even seem to know how to wear a hat.”
You said it playfully, but you were a little annoyed at a stranger (an a guy nonetheless) interrupting your bff day out. He laughed at the jab and looked like he wanted to say more. But before he could you turned back to your friend and said, “Well that was weird, so do you like it better than the other one? I want to look at more places so I dont really wanna get both.”
“Uh yeah sure it’s totally nice” she said distractedly. You could tell she was still looking at the guy that had spoke to you and his friends.
“You remember this is supposed to be an us day right? No boys no relationships just clothes and shoes” You were getting a little annoyed so you turned to go back to your fitting room to try on the rest of the things so you could pay and get out of there and back to your bffs only day of shopping. You gathered up your things and headed to the cash register. Your friend quickly followed behind apologizing for being so inconsiderate.
“It’s okay” you said swiping your card. You grabbed your bags and thanked the cashier, but as you went to walk away you were stopped by a large body. The same one that tried talking to you earlier. You couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by how good he smelled and the firmness of his chest you felt when you bumped into him was making you feel some kind of way. “Uh I’m sorry” the deep voice you had heard earlier said. You looked up to brown eyes and a chiseled jaw like you had never seen before. You were beginning to forget your ‘I don’t need a man’ attitude from earlier. “Uh its fine. I should have been paying attention to where I was going.” You managed to get out. You could hear your friend behind you taking pictures and trying to quietly freak out.
“We should probably get out of the way” he said. Grabbing your arm and moving the two of you away from the line. Where his hand had touched your skin felt electric. You laughed nervously and thanked him for moving you. He smiled and you took a quick second to regather yourself. “Thanks for the input over there, I decided to get that one” you said now hoping to continue on the conversation so you could keep looking at this handsome guy. “Yeah anytime” he said smiling and scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t catch your name” you said holding out your hand after setting some bags on the ground. “Its Auston, Auston Matthews” he replied taking your hand and shaking it. “Oh shit you are the hockey player! The one with the four goals in the first game oh man! I knew you looked familiar” You could see his cheeks reddening a little with blush. “Hit em with the four!” you heard a guy yell from a few feet away (it was probably that other rookie guy he’s known to be friends with you thought to yourself). “Yeah that me” he said still turning red. “I’m (Y\N)” you said. “ I do like hockey but I haven’t really been following the leafs… right the leafs?” He nodded laughing a little, “ Its totally fine. Uh Id be willing to catch you up with how they’re doing this season uh if youd want to go get dinner or something sometimes.” You hesitated for a second, “ Well I ha-” you started, but before you could finish your best friend stepped up, “ Wait a minute (Y/N) can we talk?”
“ You are not turning down a date with Auston freaking Matthews Im not letting you do that to yourself go say yes to that boy and you can thank me later!” You tried to protest but your friend nudged you back to Auston and you looked at him again. One date couldn’t really hurt. “Yeah I would love that.” He smiled and you gave him your number. Your day was definitely not going how you thought it was going to.
hey mom, I'm not in a very good place rn. I'd describe myself as soft butch, and I actually like the way I look rn, no make-up, short hair and all, but everytime I go out I get anxiety because I feel like people are judging me. It stresses me and makes me hate my sexuality sometimes, I know you're busy and your prompts are full but could I please have a small sanvers fic with maybe a teen soft butch in it? I feel like I really need good rep rn... if u dont want just delete this, its okay
She’s in the field and she’s got her game face on – shoulders set, stance relaxed but ready, eyes sharp – and when J Cole’s Hold It Down blasts out of her back pocket, her work partner cocks a grin at you.
She grins at the term and answers quickly.
“Adrian, I’m on the job, what up?”
“Can I bring a kid to our dinner tonight? Remember that girl Val I was telling you about? She’s trippin cause she had a rough time in school today – “
“Yeah, course you can, kid.”
“You gotta go.”
Maggie grins at his sensitivity, his perceptiveness. “You could be a detective yourself, Ade. See you both tonight.”
She chews the inside of her cheek – a habit she’s been picking up from her girlfriend – and shoots a quick text off to Alex, telling her to expect one more tonight before pocketing her phone and sighing, squatting to analyze the tire marks leftover by the latest Cadmus lackey getaway car.
She pushes tonight’s dinner – a biweekly thing, dinner with her girlfriend and her college boy (she never tires of reminding him how proud she is that he’s in college) – to the back of her mind until she walks through the door of her apartment several hours later to find in her kitchen Alex, Adrian, and a short kid – must the the Val girl Adrian was talking about – with a dapper, short haircut, make-up free face, collared shirt and khakis, skin darker than hers but lighter than Adrian’s, smile just as bright.
Alex has the look of panicked glee of a pale five year old being caught with her hand in the cookie jar; Adrian’s holding the handle of a smoking frying pan with one hand and pointing at Alex with the other; and the new kid is frozen mid-laugh, eyes wide and nervous at finally meeting the detective she’s heard so much about from Adrian.
Maggie appraises the situation with a single glance and grins.
“Alex tried to cook.”
“I – “
“All good, Danvers, we’ll order in, but I gotta say, I’m still surprised your skills in the lab don’t transfer to the kitchen – “
“Hehe, your skills – “
“That’s enough out of you, young man.”
“Yes, Agent Danvers.”
Maggie laughs and shakes her head at their banter as she drops her gun and jacket on a chair and strides over with her hand out to greet the new kid.
“Maggie Sawyer,” she says, leaving the usual NCPD part out because the girl is looking more nervous by the second.
“But you prefer Val?” Maggie asks, and Adrian nods behind Val’s back in case she isn’t brave enough to say yes. She is, and she nods, and Maggie smiles warmly at her.
“Okay, Val, so. What’re you hungry for, aside from whatever my woman charred on the stove?”
“Hey – “
“Is it not true, Danvers?”
Alex scowls playfully and Maggie leans in for a kiss. Adrian squeals and leans into Val. “Told you they were the cutest couple ever. My real life OTP!”
Val smiles, but there’s sadness behind it.
“Bad day, kid?” Alex asks, and gestures her to the couch.
“She likes this girl,” Adrian knocks his shoulder into Val gently, and she shoves him with an embarrassed laugh on her face. Alex ooohs and Maggie squeals, and Val almost cries, because she’s never met grown-ups who were this excited to hear about her crushes on girls before.
“She’s really pretty,” Val confesses in a single breath, collapsing onto the couch with her knees spread wide and heat spreading across her shyly smiling face.
“Okay, tell. Everything. But first, tell me what you want for food.”
“Whatever’s fine. Pizza, maybe.”
Maggie chuckles as she takes out her phone to order. “Always with the pizza in this family.”
Alex kisses her and Adrian squeezes her knee when they catch her family comment, and Val flushes to be so easily included in such a term.
“Nothing, I just… she’s really good at math – “
“A definite turn on – “
“Oh, is that why you like coming to my lowly easy-bake oven lab, Danvers?”
“Ladies! There are children present!”
“I’m not a children, I’m sixteen!”
“Children,” Adrian, Alex, and Maggie all chorus, and Val rolls her eyes and continues.
“There’s the math thing, and she’s just really sweet, she always sticks up for the kids who get picked on, and she’s got these gorgeous curls and she’s – “
“Super duper femmey, and totally into soft little butches like yourself,” Adrian says and pokes her in the belly gently. She swats at his hand and shrugs defeatedly.
“I dunno. I mean, I’m not just into femmes… but she is super femmey… but maybe she wants someone harder than me? Or like, femmier than me? Like, less gay, maybe, or more gay, or – ”
“So, basically, you’re creating a girl who’s anything but you in your mind, right?” Maggie grins with a tilted head, and Val sighs.
Maggie squints at her and exhales sharply and wets her lips and speaks.
“You know before I met Danvers over here, it was… I dated. A lot.”
“Don’t worry Alex. You won,” Adrian whispers, and Alex slaps him five softly without taking her eyes off Maggie.
“I dated, but it was… it was women who didn’t get me, you know? They saw leather jackets and a cop badge and a bike and darker skin than theirs – god, too many white girls, sorry babe, but that’s a story for another day – so they expected me to be a certain type of way, expected me to be… well, more butch, you know? Like, all the time. They were interested in the role I could play – and I can play it, I can be it, and I like it, I love doting on women – “
Val smiles and nods and Alex blushes and Adrian snickers.
“But that’s not all I am, you know?” She shrugs. “Sometimes I like a little lace under the leather. And we’ve got different styles, you and me.” She gestures to Val’s hair cut, her looser clothes, with a grin. “And I love it. Your style. It’s absolutely fantastic. And you look really at home in it. And that’s the thing. You? How you feel, how you are? That’s the only thing that matters. So if she likes you, she’s gotta like your soft butchliness. And who wouldn’t, I mean look at you, you’re perfect.”
Val scoffs and Alex beams at Maggie and Adrian squeezes Val’s knee.
The doorbell rings and Adrian squeals. “Pizza!”
Maggie glances at Alex, and Alex nods with a grin before getting up to get the door.
“Your girl like pizza?” Maggie asks, and Val nods.
“I saved her the last slice last week at the school paper’s party when she was late from class. She was really happy.”
Maggie slaps her own thigh in excitement. “Damn girl, see, you got game! Wanna invite her over? We can watch crappy Netflix movies, and the three of us will check out if she checks you out and it’ll be awesome.”
Val smiles at the thought and pulls her phone out of her back pocket.
“Do you guys do this for all of us? Open up your home like this?”
Alex beams over the small stack of pizza boxes when Maggie looks up at her, and Adrian grins widely, proudly, gratefully, at them both as he cracks open a box and digs in immediately.
“Only to the cool kids,” Maggie teases, and Val nods, and types out a text to her crush, because she’s nervous but she’s perfect just like she is, and what’s there not to like, right, Maggie said so, and also, pizza.
Pizza with new family.
Even if her crush declines to come over, she’s pretty sure it’s going to be a good night.
trans boy will who shows up to camp mean and defensive and who, when quickly claimed by apollo, clenches his fists as he’s being introduced to lee and michael as their sweetest, babiest sister. he gives them a rude look and doesnt talk to anyone. he doesnt know why hes so mad but it burns a hole through him to hear them call him ‘sister’ and ‘little lady’.
trans boy will who slowly grows more comfortable at camp, who slowly finds out his brothers are nice and funny and talented. lee has a cute nickname for him that he likes a lot more than the name he’s called. michael is a super weird guy who’s kind of awkward and a lot less social and dark-haired than lee. they’re polar opposites. it makes will laugh a little sometimes.
trans boy will who’s sitting with lee one day, enjoying the way he plucks away lazily at an acoustic, and suddenly asks him “do you ever feel different?”
trans boy will whose brothers talk to him and nod in mix of confusion and understanding when he says maybe he wants to be a brother like they are. michael’s face is a mask of pure confusion but lee keeps it cool, smiling. “alright, we can make that happen,” he says, smiling. “anything for our babiest brother, right mikey?” and michael nods even though the expression doesnt leave his face. “i dont know how any of this is gonna work but,” and then he shrugs, sighing, and his face levels back into sweet, slightly concerned and tired mikey. “when there’s a will, there’s a way, right?”
they plan to cut his hair since its so long and full of tangles and honestly, because he hates it. lee suggests it after they come back from the big house, having been explained some things about 'dysphoria’ and told the definition for what will is - transgender. mr d suggested a new haircut may help alleviate some of the bad feelings will has and he accepts because, good, he’d rather be bald then have to deal with the mess of 4-foot-long horrible yellow curls on his head every day. they plan to chop it off either in the big house or on their own after looking at a few new do’s, until drew tanaka hears about it and goes into an outrage. “you’re cutting your hair,” she yells “and you didnt even ask me to do it???”
drew ends up cutting will’s hair for the first time, his very first boy haircut ever, and hes so nervous and excited, and when she’s done it looks…. so, so awful. its just horrendous. he puts his hand through the uneven strands that are left and his face just melts into the sunshine-iest grin anyone’s ever seen. its the first real, eye-crinkling smile they’ve seen from him for at least the couple years he’s been at camp. drew gets a lump of emotion in her throat and doesnt understand why because they’re all pretty young so she just chalks it up to how sad she is at the awful haircut. years later, she’ll tell will that her happiest memory is seeing him smile like that at something she did.
Hey guys ! its been awhile. Been pretty busy with studies and work, that I was just physically and mentally worn out.
Last week I was on my way to work, scrolling through JackD as usual, checking out hot guys nearby and I stumbled upon a very cute boy I just couldn’t resist initiating a conversation.
Me : Cute.
Hanson : Thanks. you’re cute too.
Me : So are you studying ?
Hanson : Ya. In design field. You ?
Me : ( I didn’t reply him for 3 days) (busy working)
well after the 3 days of course I did reply him saying sorry for late replying explaining etc and both of us were pretty chatty and eventually end up texting on Whatsapp instead. In between the time of us texting each other I felt something to be honest, as we’re both replying our messages the moment we sent, tell about hows your day etc. Getting to know each other.
on Friday night. we were texting the whole night after we both came back from classes. We kinda talk about relationships and he was kinda emotional when we talk about it and I felt sorry for bringing up his unpleasant memories with his past relationships experience so I called his number :
Hanson : (Sniffing)
Me : Hey… you okay ?
Hanson : yeah. Im okay
Me : Sorry to bring that up.
Hanson : nah dont worry. Its fine
Me : just wanna call to check if you’re okay
Hanson : aw..
and we continue talking over the phone for the next few hours.
Hanson : Hey. Thanks for calling.
Me : anytime Hanson.
Hanson : See ya tomorrow ?
Me : sure. Our bubble tea date.
Got myself a haircut and drove to his place. He was standing there with a black t-shirt, dark brown long sleeves shirt on top, white shorts, his cute face and perfect jawline. As he got into my car. We greeted each other (I like his British accent) and drowning in our own world talking non-stop despite the bad traffic.
Hanson : Sorry if I talked too much
Me : Its fine. I love talking too. I told you I’m all ears for you today.
Hanson : You’re very cute you know ?
Me : (just smiled at him)
As we reach The Gardens Mall, we had our lunch and of course our promised Bubble Tea at Gongcha. We both love bubble tea and he’s favorite was Gongcha while I prefer Koi and I’ve never tried Gongcha before.
Me : (taking the first sip of my Gongcha)
Hanson : How was it How was it ? (excited)
Me : Erm its good.
Hanson : (look down and frowned a little)
Me : No no its good. The pearls is chewy but I prefer Koi’s but the tea here is better !
Hanson : (Smiled) the tea is better ?
While on our way home at 6. I drove him back to my place since its empty. I took a shower, put on my singlet and tight boxers. We were laying on the bed watching some video clips I promised him to watch together. Halfway through the videos I got carried away by the look on his face, just staring at him.
Hanson : (Looking at me) What ? (Laughing)
Me : Nothing. (smiling)
Me : Do you wanna watch another one ?
Hanson : I’m a little tired. Do you want to rest awhile ?
Me : Sure.
Covered ourselves in blanket and staring at each other without physical contacts. This is the kind of silence I enjoy being in. As I put my hands on his face fondling his cheeks and ears to the back of his head touching his hair.
Hanson : Do you want to cuddle ? (smiling)
I open my arms wide as he dives into my embrace. Its really been awhile I felt so happy and comfortable, same goes to him. With his head resting on my shoulder. His hands holding my back tightly, smelling me.
Hanson : You’re so nice to hug…
On and off we let out very deep breath as a sign of feeling comfortable hugging each other. My fingers were running across his hair.
Hanson : You smell so good…
Gently. I gave him a kiss on his forehead.
Me : let me switch off the lights.
I woke up and switched off the lights. Put on my favorite music and lay back down on the bed with him laying right next to me.
Me : (Whispering next to his ears) thank you for coming.
Hanson : Thanks for asking me out too.
“The Lumineers : I belong with you. You belong with me in my sweet hut”
Hanson : where do you wanna go for dinner later ?
Me : (Whispering softly next to him) Anywhere as long as I’m with you.
Hanson : Aww. (Got on top of me and gave me a quick kiss on my lips)
as he lay back down and hide his face into the pillow.
Hanson : (Mumbling) I hope you don’t mind that (Shyly laughing with his face still hiding in the pillow)
I got ahold of his chin and remove his face from hiding under the pillow and gave him a proper kiss this time. It felt like it lasted forever. Detaching our lips from each other. We were smiling and my hands fondling his face, bring him closer to me as he rest on my shoulders.
On and off we kissed, hugged, laughed as he burps halfway kissing, laughed as he tried very hard to flirt (he’s nerdy but cute.) and showering me in compliments.
In the midst of cuddling with the lights off. My eyes were open and doubts were swimming across my mind. In that moment, I felt so vulnerable. As if my heart just turned to glass that it could shatter in any second. But I closed my eyes just enjoying his presence for now.
Hanson : I wish I could stay..I can do this all night (resting on me)
It was almost 1am and I said :
Me : Hey..its late do you wanna go home ?
Hanson : I don’t want to leave…
I smiled at him, woke up from laying down. His hand reaches mine and pull me back down to the bed.
As we’re really about to leave. My hands reaches for the door knob. He was hugging me from behind tightly whispering :
Hanson : Can I see you again ?
turns around and hugged him.
Me : Yes you will.
In the midst of silence, all that left heard was our heartbeat, the warmth of our bodies, smell of his that was left on my singlet, the love of his that fills up my tank, the smiled left on my face.
Hanson : Thanks for spending time with me today (hugging me tightly) I hope I am not draining your energy.
Me : I’m recharging. ( in my most sincere tone)
Hanson : aww. (Look up to me and gave me a kiss)
Me : now let’s go and fill up your tummy !
Despite his small body he could eat big portions even at this ungodly hour. On our way back, I stared at him for a few seconds.
Hanson : eyes on the road boy !
I just smiled.
“Coldplay : Lights will guide you home. I will try to fix you.”
Its hard to not admit that I don’t feel a thing. I’m human after all.
But we’ll see where this ship will sail this time.
CULT: EPISODE 2 (A LOT OF SPOILERS AHEAD, AS USUAL)
Ahh yes, so here we are again. Another Tuesday night, another episode of AHS
I legit just jumped at the clown in the bed, as if I didn’t see the lead into this episode last week, a SPOILER ALERT indeed. Anyway, fuck!! I hate clowns
I don’t know if the entire Internet has spoken about this already, but I saw a college friend talking about AHS on her Facebook last week & her other friend called this particular masked terror (the one in Sarah’s bed) Dildo Clown™. I think it has a ring to it
HONESTLY, I LOVE MY LESBIANS. LOOK AT ALISON PILL FUCKING PROTECTING HER WIFE & YOUNG, WHAT A HERO
I sense there won’t be a clown in sight, though?? Stay tuned (I also sense Alison Pill will have a meltdown over Sarah’s antics eventually, someone protect my lesbians)
Honestly, what the hell are each of their characters’ names again?? Ally & who??
That’s a BIG. ASS. KNIFE. This chef doesn’t play, yikes
This music has me shaking!!!
“I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Same, girl - you get me
ARE THEY USING THIS AS FOREPLAY?!?!?!
Oh, hellll naw. Fuck Twisty. I know that’s him, I know his outfit way too well (help me)
Oz is so cute in his little glasses
FUCK NAW, FUCK TWISTY
Oh, I see Dildo Clown™ is friends with fucking Twisty, the hell
I HATE THIS SHOW
WHERE THE FUCKS HIS MOMS AT
OH, THERE THE FUCKS HIS MOMS AT
A fucking night terror?? Bitch, nope
Is it wrong to be weirdly suspicious of Alison??
Maybe she ain’t over that Jill Stein vote after all
This blue haired dweeb
Oh, hi, new neighbors!! (Sarah’s profile makin’ me weak, though)
Have I mentioned that I’m really gay?? I feel like that should be in the above bullet, but it also kinda deserved its own bullet so
Anyway, I really like Sarah’s hair in this season!?!!? I almost feel like I should get a similar style, but I dunno if it would make me look way older than I want to look, though (I’m only 27 & I feel like it would make me look at least 35, no shade, just truth – I do need a haircut, though)
Ugh, Paulson, she’s so fine
This poncho-ass bitch!! I don’t trust her already!!!!!!!
WHY DONT YOU HAVE A JELLO MOLD!?! IT WOULD MAKE YOU APPEAR LESS SUSPICIOUS!!!
Sarah… (you’re being a little creepy)
BUT HES CREEPIER, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT OUTFIT!?!!?!
Hello, again, poncho-bitch (my uncle’s ex-wife wore ponchos & so now I don’t entirely trust women in ponchos, should I go to therapy for this????)
I would just like to declare that I’d totally eat my face off at Ivy’s restaurant (that’s her name!! All is right in the world again now that I know how to properly identify my lesbians & know their proper names)
Holy, shit. That’s a really BIG ladle?!?!!?
Who the fuck is this angry ginger anyway?? He’s giving me the creeps. Is that mean to judge?? Yolo, it’s a horror show sooooo
DAMN THAT OUTFIT, SARAH!! MAMA, WERK
I’m really gay
OH HEY, THERE IS MY GIRL, WEDNESDAY ADDAMS!! Always pulling through with those Halloween vibes (I don’t trust her, of course, but she can still serve lewks – yes, even with her bad dye job & WHATEVER *this* outfit is)
Da lesbians have such a sweet pad, though. What a nice house, I need to move to Michigan… or… well… “Michigan”
“Throwing shade!!” BILLIE!!!
That fucking Twisty statue-toy-thing-or-whatever. I HATE IT. BURN IT
THIS IS SO SCARY AND CREEPY HELP me?!!?!212
“They won’t come back for you.” That’s reassuring
Oz realizes the implications of being a witness at literally maybe 10 (at max)?? My tiny son is so educated. Good job moms!!
DONT TAKE HER PINKY
THIS GOTH BITCH IS SCARING ME, HOMIE
FUCKING RUN OZ
Oh, she’s keeping his fear?? I wish someone would take my fears too, damn. Make yourself a business out of that, homie
YOU REALLY GONNA TELL ME THIS KID’S NAME IS OZYMANDIAS?? (honestly, putting it in my back pocket for parenthood because I really like weird names)
I know she’s a lady, but Sarah looks very daddy in this. Like damn, D-A-D-D-Y
SO ANYWAY THAT HOUSE IS KINDA MASSIVE FOR SUCH A SMALL FAMILY?!! I?!!?! I dunno *shrugs*
Wednesday Addams leaving Oz alone with the creepy neighbors. Good motherfucking job, Queen of Halloweentown™
OH SHIT, HES A BEEKEEPER?!?!!
IT ALL MAKES SEN – OH NO, HOLES
GIRL, I HATE HOLES TOO!!!!!
Yes, you tell them, Ally. Fuck bees (but also save them, just keep me very far away from them haaaaay)
Honestly, I’m getting flashbacks to that Mary-Kate and Ashley straight-to-video detective schtick musical that they did about a beekeeper once. Anyone else out there feelin’ dat?? Bueller?? (Click here to refresh your memory…)
PONCHO-BITCH GOT THOSE LESBIAN JOKES DONT SHE ($5 she tries to hit on one of them this season, I’m just sayin’)
This beehive is symbolic, though, right?!!?!
CRYSTAL LIGHT, I JUST SCREECHED
WE’RE ALL GONNA GET CANCER
DOESNT IT UPSET YOU (SAME)
JESUS, A BLOOD STAIN?!!?!
OH, MAN. I LOVE LITTLE OZZIE. I NEED TO DECLARE THIS
That room is giant (make dat paper, my lesbians)
That bed is giant too, damn (oh, they just said it was a California King – I need me one of those)
SARAH GOING TO FIX THE TRIPPED ALARM?!?!! GOOD STORY
She don’t got this, though!?!?!!
The alarm is off, go home. Get gone. YOU DID YOUR JOB
I DONT FEEL SECURE AS SHE EXPLORES THE PLACE?!!?!
So much meat?!!?
Suddenly I’m vegan
OH NO. OH NO NO NO
THAT. IS. NOT. AN. ANIMAL!!!!
That was a good scream, though. Some A+ acting
My Emmy award-winning wife™
I always get hungry around this time of the show, it seems?!! Damn. I wish I had a snack again…
Install dat shit. MAKE YOUR HOUSE SECURE
That kitchen is pretty dreamy, by the way
“Just plain” (I don’t trust him, but to be honest, I drink plain tea too)
“Unglued” - me too, honey, can I get an amen!?!!
P.S. What Sarah just did with her tongue makes me… umm… FEEL THINGS. Like very, very gay things
OKAY, I KNOW SHES HAVING ISSUES IN THIS SHOW & I FEEL BAD FOR HER BUT DAMN, SARAH AS ALLY?? HER FACE IS ALWAYS SO ON POINT, HELP ME. I NEED STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS EPISODE
She killed him, oh no?!!?!
OH NO NO NO
Oh good, so she didn’t really kill him?!?!!
Honestly, Colton Haynes could gittttt it, though. All he’d have to do is ask (he’s gayer than me, though, yeah?!!)
“In the present” WHAT. A. THERAPIST. THING. TO. SAY
THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP, YASSSS HONEY!!!!!!!
She wants to keep her family safe. She’s being so daddy
I don’t trust a man with a closet of weapons?!?!! UMMMM
I don’t trust Ally with a gun either!?!?! Sorry, I’m not sorry, but umm?!!!?!!
She better not ever aim at Oz or Ivy?!! IM SHOOK!! I know she’s gonna do something dumb
Nicole Kidman (FYI, Ryan Murphy IS projecting again, I feel it in my bones)
IVY DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THE GUN!?!!
THIS IS NOT GOOD
SARAH BETTER KEEP IT LOCKED UP?!!
WHAT ABOUT OZ?!!
I need a safe space (I’m kidding, but am I??)
Ally’s therapist has quite the strong jawline. Who the fuck is he?!! I can’t place him, but I’d probably bang him if he consented
“I’m worried about ya.” “Yeah, you should be…” OH SHIT, I DONT FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS
So anyway, that knock on the door didn’t sound kosher
Yes, girl, get dat knife (it’s probably a neighbor??!!)
NOPE NOPE NOPE ITS NOT A NEIGHBOR
YES, LATTE-MAN, FUCK OFF
Talking ‘bout forgiveness, mhmm. I don’t think so
This blue haired dweeb preying on my wife, he needs to leave
AND GET OFF GODDAMN FACEBOOK
I love Ally’s vocabulary, it’s getting me hot & bothered, so there’s that
FUCK THIS BLUE HAIRED BASEMENT DWELLER, I DONT LIKE HIM
Again, poor Pedro…
Eeeeeeeek. So much meat?!!?!
Winter not tucking Oz in, I’m crying hahaha
Pinky thing :( MY POOR BABY CHILD
Winter is a certifiable creep, though
Me = squinting really hard to see what Ally’s prescription is (I feel like we might have known about this last week, but my memory sucks either way, so yay me)
“They make me feel foggy” YES. BITCH. SAME
Meditation is nice…
Red wine & bath salts are nicer… and gayer
WINTER, ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ALLY?!!
Or hurt her…
I’m so uncomfortable
WHAT. IS. THIS. BITCH. DOING
I don’t feel good about this?!!?!
That looks like a sweet tub, though…
I’m too gay for this
“This is between us”
NO. FUCKING. WAY
I AM TOO GAY TO FUNCTION, DONT GIVE ME THIS GAY ASS SEDUCTION
“You’re asleep.” - Okay, that line made me chuckle
NOPE, THIS CLOWNY ASS BITCH, THOUGH. FUCK HIM
It’s a commercial & I’m still a little turned on, but also confused by Sarah & Billie, whoooops?!?!!
IT WAS SO WRONG BUT FELT SO RIGHT, AM I RIGHT?!?!!
I need to take a Xanax, my gay ass is SHOOKETH
I’m now on Twitter during the commercial break & I may or may not have searched “Billie Sarah” SOOOOO
Glad I’m not the only one that needs to fan herself (according to Twitter)
Fuck Ryan Murphy for always dangling the things I want in front of me, but never actually giving them to me (e.g. Faberry)
“LESBIANS, WE’RE UNDER ATTACK” - is this a quote by me? No? Oh, okay!
SARAH NEEDS BILLIE AND I SHIP IT?!?!!?! (Only on the show, though)
I’m sorry Alison Pill/Ivy, I’ve betrayed you… and your marriage
That fucking clown is still there & I’m not okay?!?!!
It was the masturbating clown too, right?!?! I MEAN IT WAS A MEMORABLE MOMENT LAST WEEK, OKAY
WHAT. IF. ITS. THE. RUSSIANS
My sweet Ally, I’m so upset
HER PHONE JUST DIED AND NOW IM SCARED SHES GONNA GET HER GUN
Oh, no, Pedro is gonna end up shot?!! WHY WOULD IVY SEND HIM OVER?!!? In Ally’s hysteria, we know she isn’t gonna recognize anyone that’s not her wife!!?!! This is so yikesy!!!!!!
Fuck that ice cream truck!!!!!
Trust no ice cream truck…
Side note: my neighborhood ice cream truck got busted for drugs in the ‘90s. I hear this might have been a common occurrence, though?!!
Oh, the ‘90s, so nostalgic
HOLY SHIT, FUCK THIS SHOW?!?!!
I can’t do this clown shit, I did not sign up for this
WHAT. THE FUCK. IS. THAT
OKAY, BUT DOES ALLY EVEN KNOW HOW TO SHOOT A GUN?!!?!
Pedro is fucked, I feel it & I’m scared
“Is it morning?” “My glasses.” My sweet child
IS THAT A GUN, IM SCARED (ME TOO OZZIE)
I don’t feel good about this…
DID I CALL THIS OR WHAT (P.S. I guess Ally does know how to shoot a gun after all)
WHAT THE FUCK, PEDRO DIDNT DESERVE THIS!!!!!!
Back on Twitter looking at the previous search I did (”Billie Sarah,” woo woo) & it’s a commercial!!
Oh great, awesome, wonderful. I just found out that Sarah has known Billie since Billie was 10?? I’m emotionally scarred from that scene, all of a sudden (source) & my wet dream is now insanely dry
Okay, so it’s still the commercial break & I don’t even like Burger King, but it’s an insane time at night (erm, it’s actually morning now) & these BK commercials are really speaking to me and my rumbling stomach
YO, TWO BURGERS, FRIES AND A DRINK FOR $3.49
Okay, we back!!
The preview for next week has got me sweating. LIKE DAMN, WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS TO MY WIFE, SARAH PAULSON!?!?! SHE DONT DESERVE THIS
Alright, that’s a wrap for this week. Be good & pray to the heavens we get more Paulson/Lourd scenes that half creep me out (thanks Twitter for that fact I. DID. NOT. NEED. TO. KNOW), but also half arouses me too (we’re all adults here, damn it!!)
• The Klance shippers
• ‘Leave the math to Pidge’ OMG ITS KLANCE!!!!1!1!
• Keith smiled at Lance, Keith doesn’t smile at anything. ITS KLANCE
• One edit, Two edit, red edit, blue edit
• And actually good thought is the iconic scene in Keith’s room is actually how Lance viewed the interaction. Like, when we see Keith in the center of the screen, it’s through Lance’s eyes. (Not my theory, BUT ITS REALLY GOOD)
• The ones excited about Lotor’s generals • I didn’t know Azula was in voltron???? • I’m gay for Ezor. You’re gay for Ezor. We’re all gay for Ezor.
• NARTI’S CAT BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SHIRO, AND I DONT MEAN THE FAKE
• Let Zethrid smash
• *At least 200 posts including their names, picture, and description Bc the didn’t get enough screen time to remember it alone*
•The ones who think Shiro is fake
• Because he is.
• Him leaving was called phase three of operation Kuron. Kuron means CLONE in Japanese.
• Where’s Shiro???
• There are so many theory posts omg
• NO REAL SHIRO WOULD PASS UP THE CHANCE OF A MAN BUN
• Then the occasional ship post where Shiro + Clone fight over the person, like, whaaaa?
•The ones who don’t know/believe Shiro is fake
• “What happened to Shiro? Why does he have such a bad haircut???”
• Shiro is a six year old dressing himself for the first time
• How can they assume that is the real Shiro??
•Sven as that one guy from frozen
•LANCE SHIPS E V E R Y W H E R E
•Matt is going to be in season four, AND I AM NOT OKAY
•That was just my reaction, BUT ITS IMPORTANT
•The Original Paladins
• ZARKON WAS A COOL DUDE
• The blue paladin hasn’t changed at all
• Still the only appreciation Posts for the yellow paladins are that they like being a leg
It’s Friday night Tumblr, it’s 8:30, and part of me wants to hightail it to bed again like I did last night. Is it just me or has it been THE LONGEST WEEK?! A lot going on, but I’m using the scraps of energy I have left to get into the next Prince on every tour. Shall we begin? Tonight’s show is a real treat for me and is easily one of my favorites:
1999. HOUSTON. DECEMBER 29, 1982. LET’S GET INTO IT.
Overview: Okay. OKAY. I just want you all to understand that this post was almost certainly about to look like this:
BUT, I’m trying to do better in life. So I stopped, collected myself, and decided to try to give some semblance of a readable post. This my attempt.
We find Prince in the same arena a year later, yet he’s of course hit another level up. At least he gave us more than 6 months to cope with the greatness of the Controversy tour we attended. We’ve decided that the last concert was him definitely coming more into his own, but maybe with still a bit of an unrefined touch to it. By this show, it’s ALL refined. And I say that not just because he is my fave here ya’ll. I mean it sincerely.
Let’s start with the dancing. He was so full of energy before that some of it came off awkward, but completely endearing. Here though, we see that Prince swag that some may know from Purple Rain onwards. But I promise ya’ll it’s here in 1999. We’re seeing his signature splits become more prominent, and the overall James Brown influence has fully emerged in his movements. We also are seeing that dual femininity/masculinity element to his movements become more evident. They’re elegant and graceful, but you don’t doubt for a second that he would also be able to… handle you. Or me. I will speak for myself. Actually, yeah, none of you think about that. Keep moving. Bye.
Sorry. Focused again. Promise. Basically, P just seems to be so much more comfortable on the stage overall by this point, therefore more playful than before. Take, for example, one of the most glorious 14 minute portions of a concert I’ve ever witnessed - How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore. He starts with just a piano jam sesh ( “ ‘Scuse me, I’m just jammin’ “) that turns extremely funky and EXCEEDINGLY rude. He sings, quite soulfully, that he really wants your *insert kitty emoji here* this evening. One would think that as many times as I’ve watched JUST THAT PART, it wouldn’t affect me, but no. I’ve had no growth as far as that’s concerned. I’m fine with it. As the sesh turns into How Come, he gets increasingly extra, until the breakdown (MAD FUNKY) in which he then graces us with the most of that liquid velvet (what I refer to his voice as) we’ve heard thus far on a tour as he accuses us of having another man…or woman, how we’re to blame for him screaming out our name while tryna make love to his other woman, and pleading with us to call him some time, all culminating in asking us if we wanna play with his tootsie roll. To which I answer a resounding YES. I know this was purposeful. I know it was intentional. I know. But do I care? I SURE DONT. To quote boyfriend “now if you think that I’mma fool who’ll go for any line, honey put down all your money, you’d win every time.” I ghost wrote that. It’s who I am. *kanye shrug*
His bandleader skills are also a 10 here. Not only can you see his growth on stage, but you can see everyone else’s. Dez is jamming and making his way across the stage with no shirt and that haircut I hate so much, Brownmark is having a ball on the bass, also shirtless. Fink continues to amaze on his solos. The sound is airtight, but if anything did go wrong, they knew how to make sure we couldn’t tell. More than anything, you can tell how much they’re all enjoying themselves. It’s infectious to watch.
Production has stepped up. Not a whole lot going on besides the International Lover bed prop and my personal fave, the pole he refuses to stop sliding down for 3 tours in a row. But you can tell by the lighting, transitions between songs, etc. that he has honed every aspect of the experience. At this point, we’re just waiting on funds (which are well on their way) as the final part to having the type of production a performer like P needs.
This entire concert (and tour in my opinion from all the shows I’ve seen) was executed with a confidence and swagger we had not yet seen from him before, but one we will continue to see blossom into a dangerous flower of swag and life ruining. It is, and forgive me (or don’t, this is what’s in my soul ya’ll) the emergence of daddy. Point. Blank. Period.
Favorite Number: You can try to tell me there was a bad number in this show, but you’d be a double drag fool. Despite the fact that this era produced some of my absolute favorite music from him, these were all still stellar performances. I can’t imagine a single person in attendance not being on their feet for the duration of this show.
Pretty much, I am stuck here. I would typically go with Lady Cab Driver, but nothing beats the Detroit 82 soundboard version. DMSR is always a jam, and I love the coordinated two step between him, Dez, and Brownmark. Let’s Work is always a hard jam too, and I LIVE for his dance on that song as well. So swaggy. Vocally, Do Me Baby and International Lover are standouts. His range on the recorded version of International Lover is INCREDIBLE, so hearing that live…just let me ascend please. How Come, for obvious reasons and also another vocally amazing performance.
As I sit here in an internal battle with myself, I feel like I’m going International Lover. It’s a favorite from the album, he’s extra, he’s rude, and he’s sangin’. A combination of all the things I love.
Favorite Outfit: There weren’t many outfit changes here. He started out with the iconic purple trench, open-chested opera blouse, and the fitted, buttons-down-the-sides pants we’re used to now. It’s an outfit we’ve come to know and love. However, I’m thinking that I’m loving the moto jacket that matches his pants (perfectly cropped to not deprive us any portion of his booty, bless) fit the best. He just looks so doggone good in that all black getup. LORDT. Honorable mention to the purple moto jacket and headband he wore during International Lover though. It almost won simply because of my love of Prince in a headband/headwrap. Especially with those perfect 1999 curls cascading over it.
Still Would Rating: Clearly.
Overall Rating: So I know several will think that this rating is based simply on the fact that this is my favorite iteration in one of my favorite shows. That is partially true. I mean, it’s a favorite for a reason, right? However, take all that away, and it was still an AMAZING show. He is on the precipice of his superstardom, so getting to see that before the clamor of Purple Rain (and trust me, I love PR) is thrilling to me. It’s like being privy to a secret a lot of people might not have really known yet. Like “ya’ll have no idea how he’s about to slay you for the next 30 years.” Plus, this era spawned some of my favorite music, not just from him, but from The Time (What Time Is It is their BEST album; let’s argue) and Vanity 6 (I am the obnoxious person who does all THREE sides of the conversation in If A Girl Answers), so being able to see those sets too was great. But even without those factors, if I knew nothing of Prince, I’d walk away from having watched this feeling exhilarated, wanting more, and thinking “this dude is gonna be a legend.”
do u have any like hcs or cool thoughts on Trans girl Keith?? bc i like the idea of Keith as a Trans girl but haven't seen any meta on that hc
um! i dont have meta per se, because i dont think anything in canon points to it, its just a Feel i’ve got… and idk if my thoughts are especially Fun, but! i have A LOT TO SAY IM SORRY THIS GOT REALLY LONG
she kinda gradually figured it out in her like, mid-late teens? (i hc keith as 19) from being on sorta bad parts of the internet. like, there are a lot of trans girls who gradually find themselves through hanging out in fetishizing 4chan threads, unfortunately… i feel like she stumbled across that bc of going there for like, video game threads or whatever, i think practically everyone went to /b/ a couple times as a teenager just to see why people talk about it
she doesnt have “girly interests” really so it takes a long time to realize that her body dysphoria is still valid for being trans, and not just a “fetish” or something, the way people online treat it… meeting pidge was a big step in helping that worry
shes generally a really private person, so she feels like theres a strong divide between ‘boy keith’ and ‘girl keith’, and like ‘boy keith’ is genuine, but she’s not bigender, she’s a girl… she comes out really slowly, to one person at a time, once she feels like they know her well enough to really understand her as just a Person, not like, “a boy who does/likes x”
like, even if the other person is also trans or very accepting, it’s less about concern for Coming Out As Trans and more concern about being ‘vulnerable’ by letting them past the “quiet rough impatient pilot boy” version of her. she’s very private about a lot of things but gender ties into a lot of it because ‘boy keith’ is a standoffish public mode and ‘girl keith’ is a real self
she came out first to some online friends, most of whom are also trans; they probably met through some obscure embarrassing like, teen mechanics forum, or a video game fandom, and unknowingly stuck together as Future Trans Kids
the first person she came out to irl was shiro, when they were friends pre-kerberos; they hung out a lot doing stuff like dirtbike racing in the desert, and shiro was open about not really liking masculinity stuff, and keith felt a bit like shiro could tell there’s something Not Boy about keith but never treated her weirdly for it, so it felt safe to come out. obviously shiro was accepting and later decided he’s nb (tho i cant decide exactly what sort)
hunk was probably next? hunk is easy to talk to, i care a lot about him reaching out to keith, and tbh keith has kind of a crush on him… they spend a lot of time together in general (or at least, a lot by keith’s standards), so hunk noticed her feeling a little strange and stressed around pidge after pidge came out and asked why
keith has some inferiority trouble about pidge at first, because pidge Always Knew and is already transitioning, while keith figured it out “late” (teens is still young but you know how it feels) and in a “weird”/”gross” way and couldn’t imagine trying to come out to her foster family (they probably wouldve been.. well-meaning. theyd understand eventually but still be frustrating at first and probably tell her to wait to do hrt as an adult), and feels anxious about the fact that transitioning would be Visible and draw questions… she sees pidge as the Good and Real type of trans and herself as fake and gross. but after admitting this to hunk he assures her that it’s still valid and that pidge herself wouldnt think of someone else as fake or lesser for having a different process
so keith decides to come out to pidge and they gradually get closer and become really sisterly; it definitely reassures keith that neither of them are very femme and both have “male” interests. she learns some hacking and programming stuff from pidge, and helps pidge and hunk work on modifications to the lions and stuff
lance is last because… i love lance but he did not react very tastefully to pidge coming out, and, the way he interacts with keith specifically is really macho from the start. keith feels like she definitely has to be Boy Keith with lance all the time, because lance treats her as a Boy Rival. she tries to be friendly with lance (the cradling thing, which lance shut down and tbh that hurt her feelings because.. keith doesnt reach out a lot..) and they spend time in proximity because theyre both close to hunk, but it’s harder for keith to get very personal with lance, because of the macho antagonism stuff.
but once shes out to everyone else it feels sort of frustrating and messy to be closeted with Just lance, especially like.. with the voltron mind link.. (i wish we had more info about how deep that goes, though.) so she decides to trust lance and try to take friendly initiative by coming out to him too. probably overly casually, or she maybe gave the others permission to start using she/her in front of lance finally. hes confused and kinda fumbles his reaction but apologizes quickly and thanks her for trusting him
akdjks this is so long already sorry so uhh allura and coran basically just find out by everyone else referring to keith differently (she doesnt have very strong one-on-one relationships with them yet, so it hasnt come up), and theyre cool with it
once she’s out to everyone she starts changing presentation gradually! because tbh so long as her teammates support her she doesnt have to care at all about human gender standards/impressions, or feel weird about strangers noticing changes
she actually cuts her hair shorter, rather than growing it out, because the mullet was kind of a dysphoria thing– maintaining a lazy shitty haircut because you dont know what you actually want to look like, or are afraid to pursue it
they find a way to synthesize hrt for her, for gradual body shape changes
she used to prefer to keep her arms/chest pretty covered, but knowing that people believe in her gender, and knowing shiro is nb and Mega Ripped, helps her comfort and she wears tanktops more
when she grows boob she is Free with it. does keith look like someone who would wear a bra, ever,
she doesnt like makeup that much because she doesnt like.. textures, or having to wash it off, but a bit of eyeliner and highlighter helps her look how she wants to. she just leaves it on for days. her skin isnt great and she wont let lance help with that bc not washing her face is her right
uhh!! i THINK thats it. thank you for asking and giving me an excuse to organize all of this, it helped me solidify a few details so im grateful!!
I’ve already imagined what texts Renji, Byakuya, and Rukia would send if they were drunk. Now it is Hinamori’s turn! On those nights when she gets drunk and forgets to hide her cell phone, what sort of texts does she send?
1. To Aizen (12:15am)
I just think you should know that I am over you and that you are a bad person who did bad things to me
2. To Aizen (12:25am)
oh my goodness youre tied up in prison ur phone vibrating must be driving u nuts i’m sorry
3. To Aizen (12:30am)
just kidding!! not sorry! i hope its vibrating in your BUTT
4. To Shinji (12:35am)
your right that was cathartic
5. To Shinji (1:00am)
how do you get your teeth so stright captin? sometimes i draem about rulers in your mouth
6. To Shinji (1:30am)
sorry that last text was super inprpriate i meant rulers in your mouth SIR
7. To Shinji (2:30am)
i just have to say thnk you for not stabbibg me at least on purpose it means a lot the not stabibg
8. To Rukia (1:00am)
Have you ever noticed hat our haircuts are kinda similar?? What an amazing coincidence right??
9. To Rukia (1:30am)
but is it a HAPPY coinicidence? i am curoius abut yoru opinion
10. To Rukia (2:30am)
I am such a liar. i got this haricut b/c i thought yours was cute. i am a hair plagiarist. please don’t hate me plz
11. To Rukia (3:00am)
i will shave my head if you ask
12. To Rukia (3:04am)
plz dont ask me to shave my head i would be so sad
13. To Kira (3:10am)
kira i am afraid that rukia will make me shave my head
14. To Kira (3:30am)
never mind everything is fine
15. To Kira (3:45am)
we’re cool right? i’m sorry I tried to kill you once. i’m making apologies tonight i gues
16. To Hitsgaya (1:00am)
I want to say thank you for sticking by me, Toshiro-kun, even when I was in really bad shape. You’re a good friend. I don’t think I tell you that enough, but you are.
17. To Hitsugaya (2:30am)
okay but were you really going to commit murder for me that one time
18. To Hitsugaya (2:35am)
like that seem slike a little much iwas only willing to murder for aizentaicho
19. To Hitsugaya (2:45am)
wiat you don’t feel teh sme way about me as i did baout aizentaicho do you?????
Loud and obnoxious. Thinks it's cool to be aggressive and snobbish but it's fucking annoying to the rest of us. Their so called "confidence" is as fake as Iggy Azalea's ass. They're the most boring people on the planet. They're the child you never wanted. Meeting or befriending an Aries means you're being punished for something.
They think the world revolves around their slow asses. Tauruses act like they do everything but all they really do is masturbate, cry and throw a tantrum when they have to get out of their beds. They expect everyone to do everything for them. If you want to win a Taurus' heart, (which I doubt you do) then just be rich. They probably have money hidden somewhere but they'll act like they're poor and homeless just so they can have your shit.
Geminis are very good actors. That's why they spew bullshit out of their mouths every 2 minutes and everyone buys it. They're not funny and tend to laugh at their own jokes while everyone just wants them to shut the fuck up. They feed off of bullying other people but act like they're for the people. Gemini's only talent is having everyone believe their lives while actually believing it themselves. They have no sense of right or wrong because they're still children who need to be put on a leash in order to prevent them from fucking up everything in their path. Do they even hear themselves talk? Probably not, because they suck at listening to anybody including themselves.
Cry me a fucking river. Cancers act like they don't give a shit but will try to plan your death if you don't notice their shitty haircut right away. They have no social life and their parents/guardian try to kick them out because all they are and ever will be is the loser living in their parent's/guardian's basement jerking off to The Notebook and thinking about their ex.
Their whole entire existence is a joke. They act like they have morals but will try their best to degrade people so they can feel superior. Why? Because they don't know who or what the fuck they are. They still have identity issues at 30. Arguing with a Leo is easy (and hilarious) because their egos are consistently being bruised by nothing, so you'll always win the fight. Leos can relate to cats because they're pussies.
They like to fight with everyone. Everything is everyone else's fault except for theirs. Virgos can't take the blame for anything because they think they're perfect (when they actually look like a mean sack of shit) and because they're prone to stomach aches and shitting their pants every time there's a little bump in the road. They hate being wrong (which they usually are) and will lie and murder their best friend just to try and prove a point. Because their ego comes before anything else.
Libras are so shallow, they won't think twice about talking to you if you're ugly. But take a good look at them and notice how boring their physical attributes are. They're just a plain jane walking piece of stale bread with two legs and a pulse. And they have as much depth as one too. All they do is try to charm people with the same lines they've used over and over again. They figure since they can't impress anyone with their looks they'll have to charm everyone with their fake personalities and horrible sense of humor. If you should even call that thing a personality.
Scorpios can see right through you -- HA. This is bullshit. All you are to Scorpio is a mirror. So everything they see in you that's "bad" is just themselves looking back at them. They only know you're lying because they have used every lie in the book and it takes one to know one. They're so shitty, they have done every horrible thing there is to do in life. So when someone reminds a Scorpio of themselves, they instantly don't like you. Because they know you're a piece of shit just like they are. This is why they're considered "mysterious". They judge people mainly by their looks (but use the word "aura" to throw people off) but if you look behind the sunglasses, millions of scarves and large hats they try to cover their faces with, you'll see they're not that special either.
Congratulations! You are the shittiest fucking sign. You should be proud of yourself. But I bet you are, because you'll do anything for attention whether it's good or bad. Sagittarius itself is a joke and everything they do is the punchline. They think they're smart and will stand up for something they don't agree with just for the sake of arguing and seeming smart when in actuality, they got their facts from wikipedia and other people that they eavesdropped on.
Calm down. You're not superior. In fact, judging by how quickly you get offended you're the exact opposite. Capricorns love to fight everyone if it gives them some extra points on looking tough. But honestly, they're not even tough. We all hated them ever since they walked into the room. They focus on work and school because they have no friends. They act like they have class which is a joke, considering they put on a tough front all day and then cry their cowardly hearts out at home.
Hahahahahahahahahaha. You're not even worthy of one. Go fuck yourself.
Pisces love to daydream and imagine the impossible, like getting off their lazy asses for once and actually doing something with their lives besides smoking pot and getting drunk. They're naturally psycho, because they can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality anymore. But they claim to know everything so if you tell them they're wrong they'll turn everyone against you. They're such pussies, they will probably grab a knife, scream, cry and kick shit if you look at them the wrong way. But don't worry, the knife is only so they can stab themselves repeatedly in their own face since they love to self destruct and then play the victim and put all the blame on everyone but themselves. Their own family hates them. So there's your first clue to avoid them at all costs. Seriously, the worst sign ever to exist.
do you have any advice for people who are just.... tired of fighting? people who are mentally ill and don't have the emotional energy to fight anymore, but can only stand on the sidelines and support others taking action. i feel like im in survival mode right now, not even paying attention to most news about trump because i'm so incredibly exhausted that even trying to pull my head out of the sand seems like it would be detrimental to my mental health. what can people like me do in the meantime?
this was me for so many years. i totally understand.
it comes and goes. these exhaustion are waves, not permanent declines. the weather fucking sucks, s.a.d. is out in full force and the world is really bad. this is a really tough time to be depressed in.
my advice for the short term:
1. try to do at least 1 constructive thing a day: like “do a load of laundry” “wipe down kitchen counters” or “do homework”. something that’s attainable and has a clear ending. soon it becomes habit, instead of a chore. and youll start to want to get it out of the way earlier and earlier in the day until its the first thing you do. then…you have potential time for more things and you’re standing upright so you might as well do stuff. its like that new fucked up engine nasa’s working on that builds up propulsion over time using tiny amounts of energy. its a little trickle before the dam can burst.
most importantly it helps create a living environment thats overall better. idk about you but when my rooms clean i feel at ease.
2. dont beat yourself up: and if you can’t do that? man, aim for the next day. habits dont become habits overnight. they take time. do what you’re capable of. not what you THINK you should be able to do.
3. hygiene hygiene HYGIENE: THIS is hard too, i know. but this is another thing that i guarantee you will at least make things 10% better at LEAST. scrub your face, clip your toe and fingernails, get a haircut, take a hot shower with a nice smelling soap. hell bring your phone in there and listen to a podcast while you take a bath. make it enjoyable. and please brush your teeth 2x a day. your teeth are super important and a pain in the ass to fix after the fact.
4. ask for help: on one of your “do one thing today” events, look up free counseling in the area, or see what your insurance covers. look for people with similar problems who are recovering or making strides for recovery. surround yourself with people who can and will support you when you fall backwards.
5. put your blinders on, temporarily- the world fucking sucks right now. cant disagree with that. and i think exposing yourself to endless parades of bad news doesnt do anything but compound how helpless we feel. its like, you can put out a small fire in your trash can but the inferno raging outside is still there. my constant thought process was “theres so much bad in the world, how can we ever hope to do any good?”
so…block yourself out for a while and create a peaceful space to recenter yourself. block news sites, tumblr, twitter, whatever you need to. i use stay focusd if i need some breathing room.
i guess, in summary…you need to make a space (physical and emotional) where you can unpack things healthily. plants dont grow they dont have the basics. same with people. you say you only have the energy for others, but you’re just expending what energy you have on others. its okay to do something “selfish” if its for your own good and no one gets hurt. youre not taking up anyone’s time but your own. and you have a whole lifetime of time.
be comfy, anon. try your best to do good for you for a while. see how it goes.
Title: the blender fic
Prompt: Dan and Phil are doing the smoothie challenge and some kinky shit happens
Definitely more that 1000 words
Warnings:smut (duh), boyxboy , bondage, top!Phil, Dom!Phil, feclefilia (I’m not sure if that’s how its spelt), vomiting
This sucks ass tbh but I wrote it any way as a joke so if you get sick easily DO NOT READ
“Hey everybody and today I’m with the sexiest beast on the planet , DAN!” Phil yells into the camera . “hellooo bitches!” Dan says with a creepy eyebrow wiggle . For some reason , dan stared at phil for a little too long. He was beautiful. Ebony black hair, blue eyes like the ocean, and the cutest little emo haircut ever . “so today requested b y nobody at all , we will be doing the SMOOTHIE CHALLENGE!” Phil says as him and dan do jazz hands at the blender. “We went on twitter and asked you guys what ingredients we should use and your guys gave us some… Interesting answers. ” he paused, pointing at dan to continue the explanation. “Then I , dan Howell , printed our favs out. Not us , but Me cause phil won’t get off his lazy ass.” They burst out laughing . “I’m sorry but wasnt I the one who edited your video yesterday?” Phil says looking straight at dan. “So don’t fucking complain” dan was shocked at Phil’s use of language. He never swore. “Fine. But anyways the way this works is that we put a bunch of slips of paper with ingredients on them in a bowl. There is also another bowl with sizes of glasses in it. Basicly , we pick 7 ingredients and a cup size to make a smoothie to drink!” Dan explains, now out of breath. “I need to get something from the other room before we start okay?” Phil says rushing off to the other room. “Okay….” Dan replies . After phil was out of sight ,dan slipped in a couple of tweets that had some ingredients like marshmellows, bubble gum, ext. As he slips in the last piece of paper he turns around in relief, only to see phil standing there. “What the hell are you doing?” Phil says, pacing towards dan. “Uh… Noth-nothing” dan tells phil, worried as fuck. Phil bites his lip. “Bad dan… You need to be punished….” He gets closer, looking the younger boy up and down. “Phil….. ” dan says “shhhh you must not talk. Only good boys can talk.” Phil gets closer, dans feels his jeans get tighter and tighter around his crotch . “and you my bear are a dirty little slut.” Phil then pushes his lips onto dans, holding the boys hand a up as he does so. “Im gonna make you scream my name howell . punish you to show yah not to cheat eh?” Dan let out a whimper . “shut up.” Phil says as he slams his lips into Dan’s. He lifts the brown haired boy up and puts him on the counter . of course, Phil gets out some rope he had in the cabinet. “There we go…” Phil mumbles after tying the last knot. “Phil… Let me go!” Dan screams. “Shhhh or the neighbors will hear. you want to be a good boy, remember?” Dan struggles against his restraints , only to cause them to dig into his skin deeper. Phil paces around the kitchen for a moment , watching Dans every move. “Well…. how can i punish you? I cant do any serious "physical damage” cause the amount I would have to give you to teach you a lesson would send you to a&e (thats what they call the er in england right?) so psychological damage will do it. what can I do? “ he looks around the large room for a bit, but settles his eyes on the appliance on the counter. Not the microwave. Not the electric can opener. What he set his eyes on was the thing that caused all of this shit in the first place : the blender. "Oh look what we have here! a blender!” Dans face fills with fright, cause he knows how kinky Phil could get. For all Dan knows Phil could kill him out of sexual pleasure. “you know…. I REALLY wanted to make a smoothie… maybe you could… sample it?” Phil lets out a mischievous laugh. At this point dan was scared for his life… and worried about his lovers sanity. The ebony haired boy struts over to Dan, like some model for playboy, and tugs on the hem of the boys jeans. Phil slowly unbuttons them,taking his sweet ass time. After what seemed hours but in reality was a mere minute , the button was finally undone. Phil than tugs off the younger ones paints and with that, Dan is more vulnerable as ever. “ Aw bear it looks like you are already hard for me… how sweet” Phil says with an evil grin. He then rips the fabric covering Dans length in half, only leaving the remaining fabric hang from his thigh. After grabbing the measuring cup of of the counter, Phil starts pumping Dans cock. Dan bites his lip to muffle the sound of him moaning , but fails miserably . “You like that my little whore? ” Dan nods in response . “My little toy. My little slave” He continues to jerk the boy off, making sure to hold the measuring cup under the boys length. “Phil… im gonna…” with that Dan releases the white liquid. As expected it falls right into the measuring cup “good boy! Now that. We have your cum, all i need is for you to shit into the blender , for me to get that chicken liver that’s in the fridge, and to spice things up…. a chocolate bar… cherry flavored.” Dan was shocked. Did Phil really expect him to eat his own shit? “you want me to do what?” Dan asks, hoping that phil was joking. “ Yeah, i want you to shit in the blender. Go on. ” Phil then unties his boytoy so he can go and do what he has been told.
Dan walks over ever to the other counter ever so slowly. “Come on you lil bitch dont be shy” After he says that Phil shoves Dan over to the counter which causes Dan to get hit in the gut with cold marble. He climbs on top of the hard surface like a cat climbing up on furniture and positions himself over the blender. The brunette trys to get something to come out but nothing happens. Well in till about the 15th try where a long solidish stream of shit comes rushing out of his anus. “That’s my boy , good job” Phil coos . “don’t I need to wipe my ass…. I don’t think you want shit all over the kitchen…” Dan asks, staring into Phil’s crystal blue orbs. They were almost hypnotizing, you could get lost in them for seconds, hours, even days. “Well… I had something else planned. Lean over the counter!” Phil demands . “But shouldnt I wipe my-” “LEAN OVER THE COUNTER” with that Dan instantly turns towards the wall , and lays the top part of his body on the counter. He hears shuffling and then he feels somebody licking his bottom. Wait… Was Phil… “Mmmm I bet you love this the little slut you are.” He continues licking “you know we should do this more often, maybe weekly. ” A warm sensation is sent down Dans body , causing him to let out a moan. “Fuc-fuck Phil” he pants out , gripping on to the counter. Sadly this didn’t last for long, because as everyone knows Phil has a strong tounge. Phil pulls away and sighs. “Mmm that was fun, wasn’t it” he walks towards the refrigerator to get out the rest of the ingredients. “Yeah it was …” Dan blushes.Setting down the ingredients on the counter next to Dan , he leans in and strattles Dan . The kiss is passionate and full of list , love, and desire. “You like tasting your own shit, my little whore?” Phil asks , it being muffled by the kiss. “Mhm. I love it.” Dan rips of Phil’s shirt and eventually slides off Phil’s pants as well , leaving Him only on his boxers. “Since you did so much for Me, I wanna do something for you ” he gently lifts Phil off of him and pats on the counter for his boyfriend to sit. “Alright” Phil says with a wink. Dan stands up and gets on his knees in front of phil . After he pulls Phil’s boxers down, Dan grasps his hard cock. He gently sucks on the head , inserting his tounge in Phil’s slit occasionally. “OH COME ON STOP BEING SUCH A TEASE!” Phil yells. “Okay” and with that , Dan pushed his whole head down on the 7 incher.He bobs his head up and down like a pogo stick, managing to still fondal Phil’s balls. “Oh my god” Phil leans his head back in pleasure, now seeing stars. But being the ass Dan is , he stops. “All done” He says looking up at Phil , flickering his eyes. “You will pay for that…” Phil tells Dan , every so sly. He grabbs the ingredients and takes them over to the blender. First he adds the chocolate, not even bothering to take it out of the plastic. Then he adds the last ingredient: the liver. “Oh. Look at the expiration date… It says 9/2/13… I guess you will be getting sick… Oh well. ” after ripping open the packaging, Phil dumps the liver into the blender. After that he walks over to the spice cabinet and opens it. Browsing his endless selection, he picks out 3 of the most pogent ingredients . A dried Carolina ripper , a large jar of nutmeg, and a bottle of the same size of cinnamon. He sashes over to the counter and sets the spices down. He takes the pepper out of the bag by the stem, holding it up in the air “Dan, did you know that this little pepper is the hottest pepper known to man? I heard a man died trying to eat 10 of them. t that such a COOL fact” Dan looks astonished. Did Phil want to kill him? “Well whatever I’m going to add it anyway.” Phil then drops it in the blender with everything else. Next he holds up the jars of cinnamon and nutmeg. “Look at what we have here! Our friends nutmeg and cinnamon. I also heard you could die by eating too much of these as well.” He sets them both down on the counter and screws the top off of bot h of them. After picking up them both again, he pours all of them into the blender. “Yay! Now we are done with this whole ingredients thing. Now all I need to do is turn it on” Phil then pushes the blue button. When all of the ingredients we’re ebeing mixed together , Dan thought it looked like a van gouh painting. You know with all of the splashes of color . after about of a minute of blending Phil decides to turn it off. “I think by now its somewhat drinkable.” He grabs the tallest glass and sets it next to the blender. He then takes off the top of the blender and pours Dan a nice, big glass for him to chug down. Phil now hands the glass to his test subject”Here you go. Now drink” he says in a stern tone. “But I’m not really feeling that well and-” Phil plugs Dan’s nose and force feeds him it . To Dan this was udder torture but to Phil it was the hottest thing in the world. He took the glass away for a moment so Dan could breathe. “This tastes like shit.” “Well of course it does that’s the main ingredient.” “My mouths on fire” “that’s because of the cinnamon and the pepper.” “Oh right” Phil plugs Dan’s nose again and force feeds it to him again. Dan then starts feeling nauseous, light headed , and aroused at the same time. Something he never thought would be possible. “Phil I’m going to puke!” He yells. But his words are muffled by the disgusting concoction. Finally , after what seemed hours , the last bit of drink is swallowed. Then Dan does what any normal person would have done. Vomit. “You better clean that up.” Phil says , disgusted, which is funny considering what he just did. “Okay I’ll get the paper towel” “no… Lick it up.” Phil says, staring into Dan’s eyes.”wh-what” Dan was astonished. Did Phil want him to do that after drinking his own crap. “You heard me. Go along now.” Dan sits on the floor moving his face towards the mess. He then lightly places his tongue on the spot where he puked. He licks it up slowly at first but as time went on he relized that he will get this done in over with sooner if he licked up the vomit faster. So after a fewmore minutes, he was done. Now standing up he gives Phil this look of “what the fuck” . “why are you so surprised. The most innocent people are always the kinkyest.” Phil gives Dan the most innocent smile in the world and cocks his head to the side. “Hey Phil” “what love” “I think we just filmed a sex tape.” “Well… We can edit that out later.” And with that they cleaned out the blender , got dressed, and filmed the rest of the video.
Why exactly did u fall for jameh? Like .. I mean .. there's Alex and Nick and Matt and moreover there's sergio pizzorno, matt hitt, hugo white or andrew vanwyngarden.. why jimmy ? :) I like him a lot but in a non sexual loving more like admiring kind of way .. er, just curious :D x
oh my i’ve always wanted to receive a message like this so that i can express all of my feelings and now that i actually got one it seems so hard to me to explain
well there are so many different reasons i love him and im gonna start with the obvious ones
he’s the most attractive man ive ever seen there are people that dont find him attractive at all and that literally makes no sense to me??? like i have friends that say he was better looking when he was young and now he is not that good looking and im like “are u even serious” yes he was gorgeous when he was young with him stupid haircuts and his cute crooked teeth and lovely smile and literally everything was perfect when he was young but i really like how he’s all grown up and became a gorgeous man like you see him and he seems so serious and you expect a deep voice and then he talks and you listen to his cute voice which is the cutest voice ive ever heard and makes my heart melt !!!!!!! also his body it’s just perfect its not like ive seen a clean photo of him shirtless but its pretty obvious??? his arms look so strong and his legs are perfect and his back turns me on so much and when he wears shirts he just looks so fit you know and his hair is always so good i love it when he grows it and pulls the man bun omg and i love bearded jamie i do have a thing for beards and it just looks so good on him :-(( his smile is brings so much joy to me like im having a bad day and if i see jamie smiling it gets 10000000 times better nothing compares to his smile! his eyes have the perfect colour?? like his colours (hair and eyes) are not my type to be honest but every time i see those eyes i just go crazy i getting so many different feelings just by staring at them! also hands are really important to me and he has the perfect hands have you ever seen any close ups to his hands when he is on stage?? i wish he could touch me exactly like he touches his guitar and finally his clothes i love everything he wears even the silliest thing looks great on him im so angry especially when he’s wearing denim and leather jackets oh man
now let me stop talking about his outside and let me tlak about his inside its not like i personally know him or something but from what ive seen he’s literally adorable he is quiet yet funny like i know he is not talking anymore in interviews but have you seen any old interviews?? he is just so awkward and funny and you know he might not be funny by saying jokes but every silly thing he says sounds so great and sweet to me i always enjoy watching him talking because i just love whatever he’s saying! you know im a psycho im watching this interview every day and i die on the part where he;s talking about dying on the ferry this is my favourite thing ever because i do think like this sometimes too and i just cant get enough of him also sometimes he looks so annoyed sometimes and i really like this i dont know why i just really like it its like every flaw he might have seems so perfect to me i cant imagine knowing him in real life cause he would be something so unreal for me you know?? he is just too perfect to be someone id know in real life! he seems so sweet and loyal and even if im not a huge fan of her he loves katie so much and thats pretty obvious i wish i could find a man to love me as much jamie loves katie he seems so protective and romantic i dont know
another thing i like him is exactly what you said! there are so many other celebrities i could have fallen for but jamie is the one i did because he is not them i dont know how to explain this i mean yeah matt hitt he is gorgeous but what else?? he doesnt ring any bells to me you know what i mean? jamie just seems so interesting to me and so great in his own way man i really dont know how to explain this he is just my jamie i dont feel about any other celebrities as i feel about him i do like chilli i do like sam from palma violets they’re like both great but i dont feel this way about them jamie is my everything and the fact that he’s part of my favourite band is so great!!! arctic monkeys might have changed and i used to be one of these people that prefered the old monkeys but in my opinion thats bullshit i still love them and i always will cause they changed the way i feel about music i know i wont ever meet him or date him obviously i just wish i could find someone as good as him
i could honestly talk forever about jamie and the whole bands but i will stop here if you’re still reading this congratulations you really did care about why i fall for him + thanks for asking this really :-)