i dont know anymore i just cannot


  • [text]: did you enjoy the pics? ;)
  • [text]: send me pictures
  • [text]: where are you? why aren’t you back yet?
  • [text]: i dont know if this is what i want anymore
  • [wrong number text]: (muse name) has gone out for the night, i’m all alone ;)
  • [wrong number text]: i just don’t know if i love them anymore
  • [wrong number text]: can we forget about last night? don’t tell (muse name) please!
  • [wrong number text]: i fucked her/him aha ;-) told (muse name) it was just a drunk kiss tho
  • [text]: i love you so fucking much
  • [text]: i hate you
  • [drunk text]: UR SUCH A BITCH I H9 U 
  • [text]: i cannot stop thinking about you
  • [text]: i need you. now.
  • [text]: please respond. im so worried about you
  • [text]: last night was so GOOD
  • [text]: what are you wearing? ;)
  • [text]: is he bigger than me?
  • [text]: did you sleep with her ?!
  • [text]: you’re just a slut
  • [drunk text]: yOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL !!>!
  • [drunk text]: dont tell (muse name) but theY ARE so hot
  • [drunk text]: im iss youu
  • [text]: bed or floor? ;-)
  • [text]: not to be desperate or anything but im currently home alone and on the verge of jerking myself off to pictures of you. would be better if it was the real you though !
  • [text]: i want you naked.
  • [text]: are you going to the party on saturday?
  • [text]: i want to show you how much i love you
  • [text]: do you hate me?
  • [text]: i’m so sorry
  • [text]: WAS THAT A SEXT
  • [text]: family dinner tomorrow night, and i’m prolly gonna finger you under the table..
  • [text]: I just bought new underwear for the sole purpose of you taking it off
  • [text]: netflix and chill? 
  • [drunk text]: lveae me alone for 29 minutes !!! jeezss
  • [text]: damn you looked so good today. kinda wanted to bend you over that table you were leaning on lol 
  • [text]: where are you i have something you need to fix (its a boner)
  • [text]: wtf is the notebook even about?? “if you’re a bird then i’m a bird” ? they’re both humans
Why I dislike AqAdvisor.

I’ve seen AqAdvisor gaining traction again and I am really not a fan. It has a lot of flaws, so much so that I don’t at all recommend bothering with it. I think it’s too easy for it to mislead you. Really, I’m sugar coating it. I think it’s a nice idea, but the calculator just doesn’t actually apply to real life tanks, so to me its pretty much worthless. I cannot stand how much positive attention this thing gets when it can so often be very VERY wrong.

Just check this out:

I trimmed it down to the important bits, but this is me just playing around real quick to see how ridiculous I can get this. I would hope you can all look at it and immediately see the things wrong with this imaginary tank without my help, but just in case I picked some fish you’re unfamiliar with I’ll break it down.

So first off, I started out with a 180g tank (the favorite of “monster” fish keepers that like to keep their fish in undersized tanks - I guess 180g just feels really big or something), with 200g filter capacity. I overshot the filter because one of AqAdvisor’s biggest flaws is that everything revolves around filtration capacity - it seems to run on the premise that overfiltering effectively creates a larger usable volume. I’m sure I could get really ridiculous and make a tiny tank with massive filtration capacity, and REALLY see how far I can push it. Maybe I’ll do that next.

Then I started tossing in a horrible mix of incompatible fishes, to see what it would let me get away with. Let’s look at those:
1 x “Lima Shovelnose Catfish”, Sorubim lima - A 19.9″ SL fish that really ought to have a tank no smaller than 500g based on size alone. Aqadvisor thinks it’s acceptable to house a fish in an tank closer to 3 times its length. I have so many complaints with this, but I’ll move on.
5 x “Neon Tetra”, Paracheirodon innesi - A schooling fish naturally found in massive groups, that really ought to be 12+. Aqadvisor let me put a minimum of 5. Oh hey also, check that out. S. lima is a huge predatory catfish, but AqAdvisor isn’t concerned about these little guys getting eaten.
1 x “Guppy”, Poecilia reticulata - These are social, shoaling fish that should not be housed singly. But AqAdvisor thinks a solo guppy is okay, and doesn’t think S. lima is going to eat this lonely little fish either. Also hardwater to brackish? But supposedly they’re compatible with all these soft water fishes.
1 x Royal Pleco, Panaque nigrolineatus - This is no small fish either, maxing out at 13.4″ SL. But AqAdvisor is only concerned about the availability of wood for this fish. This fish does actually fit in this tank size (bare minimum based on size, without waste or activity taken into account), and the tank being overfiltered is good for it being a pleco. I mostly tossed this one in here to see if a waste producing machine would make a measurable impact on water quality values. (Hint: It didn’t.)
5 x Denisoni Barb, Puntius (Sahyadria) denisonii - Tossed them in for fun. 5 is apparently an acceptable shoal size. Another group to fill space. They are river fish though. (See WCMMs below.)
5 x “Galaxy Rasbora”, Danio margaritatus - See my notes on neons, except wow true nano, still supposedly not S. lima food. Maybe AqAdvisor just thinks these fish are too small for the cat to notice or care? (Not accurate.)
5 x “White Cloud Mountain Minnow”, Tanichthys albonubes - Same notes as above small schooling fish, but I’m skeptical about how well their water needs match these other fish. These are clear water, basically hillstream fish that like it cool. The others are tropical, and I know off the top of my head that Neon Tetras are blackwater fish. But AqAdvisor is fine with them living together.
1 x Licorice Gourami, Parosphromenus dessineri - Hang on, hang on, REALLY? Monster cats in little tanks is a special sore spot for me, but I think this upsets me the most. I can have a solo rare fish from a disappearing habitat that needs to be preserved by the hobby, in this mess of a tank? A blackwater specialist that belongs in a breeding project? And oh hey, snack sized for S. lima. But nope, AqAdvisor has no qualms with this.
1 x Zebra Oto, Otocinclus cocama - Did a zebra just for fun. But hey, ALL otos are shoaling fish that require large social groups and established tanks. I’m hesitant to even suggest that 6 is a sufficient minimum - they’d do best if you shoot for more. Aqadvisor let me keep one solo, maybe they thought it was intentionally in there as another snack for the S. lima. (Either way, it will be.)
1x Dwarf Cory, Corydoras hastatus - Also a shoaling fish that needs a group, which AqAdvisor somehow seems completely unaware of. Also will be S. lima food.
1 x African Butterfly Cichlid, Anomalochromis thomasi - Okay, I was trying to last minute tack on the African Butterfly Fish and grabbed this guy by mistake. I know nothing of cichlids. I’m sure there’s something wrong with him being here too, who knows. (For those curious, if I had added the ABF it wouldn’t have told me anything about it eating my nanofish - it just warned me that they jump. Thanks AqAdvisor.)

Take a look at the temperature range. These fish can only be housed together in a way that some of them don’t end up in inhospitable conditions if they are maintained at this one precise temperature. (That means they’re incompatible!) That pH range is a bit narrow too.

And the only note is the concern about providing the pleco wood. At least they don’t want the kiddo (a xylivore) to starve. But for those unfamiliar, AqAdvisor DOES let you know about incompatibility issues right here in this note section if the species has had anything programmed in about it. It doesn’t think these fish are incompatible at all.

AND IT SAYS I’M STILL OVERFILTERING, ONLY NEED TO CHANGE 18% PER WEEK, AND AM ONLY 66% STOCKED! The Panaque alone could be a fully stocked tank. The Sorubim is an overstocked tank. This is ridiculous. This is unacceptable.

This is why you don’t use AqAdvisor.

(Anyone else feel free to see what other horrible stocking it lets you get away with and add them on!)





Like literally, this FUCKING CINNAMON ROLL.


Grown up, or just a lil bby, Nic is adorable af. Worick’s cool too. But Nic is BAE.

[Says the person who is cosplaying as Worick in three days.]

idk what happened

i guess my hand slipped

i was just randomly sketching and then next thing i know i was linearting and then coloRING AND SHADING AND AHHHHH?

how does this look so good i dont understand im screaming

okay so, have an original Dice with his magic in battle(?)

i cannot live in my body anymore when my mind never ends its self harm. i cant look in the mirror without seeing an ugly face and disgusting body. i dont want to eat anymore because i get repulsed. i dont want to live life anymore, im so sick of the suffering and im slipping and i cant pick myself back up. i dont want to cry anymore but that’s all i do. everything about has gotten worse and is still worsening. i dont know what to do. i just want to be invisible. i want to go away

Update: So I have not posted in about a week. My ex violated the protection order and got arrested on thanksgiving. he got out on a pr bond the next day.

his mom Facebook messaged me. called me evil and possessed by the devil. and a lot of other shit.

i stayed in a domestic violence shelter for s few days, but i felt really guilty and I left. then started sleeping in my car.

last night i got assaulted again. my school is trying to get me to talk to the cops again, but i wont. they know who did it, but i refuse to tell them, so since they dont know for certain, they cannot report it.

im just really fucking done with all this. i took of and drove 4 hours in the middle of the night and stood in line for s bus ticket to Atlanta. im just so done and i dont want to do this anymore.

Also, i now have developed a pill problem. i used to be able to control it. but now, like my drinking, it is out of hand

I have a billion messages so bear with me as I respond.

—  (via story-of-a-sad-teen)

kieracringykpopstan  asked:

OK so i just want to say, you're so pretty. the anons don't know what they are talking about. i have friends that have terrible mindsets and i'm always the person to help them through whatever. i help them look on the bright side. you will rarely EVER see me without a smile on my face. reading what the anons were saying just really pissed me off. no one deserves to be spoken to like that. they are ASSHOLES. so just know that you have people who love and care and support you.

I cannot ;; thank you so much for you kind words and honestly i dont even know how to respond to them anymore, they really are mean assholes..its difficult but people like you make life easier. Thanks alot!

anonymous asked:

I MET HIM I MET HIM AND I AM SO EMBARRASSED I WANT TO CRY. I SAW HIM IN THE DT AREA AND I was so fucking shocked I literally just went up to him and said “You!” and it came out all accusatory oh my fucking god and danielle and oli and another guy were there and everyone was just quiet and then louis started laughing and was like “Me!” AND THEN I ASKED HIM AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I ASKED HIM THIS IM SOBBING I ASKED “Why dont you wear suspenders anymore??” 1

and he said “I don’t know I guess they just don’t fit me anymore.” AND I LITERALLY SAID. WITHOUT HESITATION. “But aren’t they adjustable?? Or different sizes??” WHAT THE FUCKING IS WRONG WITH ME IT TOOK ME A SOLID 30 SECONDS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT HE MEANT THEY DONT FIT HIS STYLE ANYMORE AND I WAS SO EMBARRASSED but again he just started laughing and I think he thought I was joking??? but I literally was not?? 2

oh my god. But listen to me. This is the worst thing. This is hands down the worst thing I have ever done. He goes, “So, you want a picture, then?” like all sweet and polite and I fucking said: “My camera takes shit pictures. Can we take it on yours and you text it to me??” so there we go that’s the day that I embarrassed myself to hell and back with louis tomlinson and he was so sweet and never made me feel stupid even tho im a moron 3

so what im saying is: LOUIS, if you ever see this ask while creeping on your secret blog, I am so fucking sorry that I was so weird and you are a literal cherub thank you so much for being kind to me and also fuck you because I was late to work and when I got there I just stood there shaking for a solid ten minutes. oh my actual god 4


This is adorable. Every story about people meeting Louis highlights how sweet he is and how comfortable he is with people. Thank you for sharing!

Thank You.

just want to say a happy birthday to one of the most supportive people in my life, Benedikte i hope you have the best day ever, You deserve it so much. If it wasnt for you i would of never continued social media and i really want to thank you for all the motivation youve ever giving me. I know i dont interact with u that much anymore and im sorry, ive just been super busy lately and i promisee im gonna start interacting with people more, Being off twitter is kinda making me happier so i just need oneee more week and ewwmike will be back, anyways I love you so much and i cannot wait to meet u, hopefully Norway is a nice place for when i go (:

stubbornasacat replied to your post “mettahumanoid replied to your post “One of the things I enjoy about…”

My mom was from Minnesota (I’m in California). A friend from Cali had to move there. She got to experience both the coldest winter and hottest summer in recent record. In a phone convo with Mom she said “I can’t believe people live here on purpose!”

Every year when the Mississippi freezes over something inside of me breaks.

Usually when we are driving over it on the bridge listening to the ice blocks smash against each other like canon fire in the frozen air, and I just, something in me cannot take it anymore and I temporarily lose it and go on a rant along the lines of “WHO THE FUCK IMMIGRATED HERE, WHO LOOKED AT THIS FROZEN WASTELAND AND THOUGHT, I KNOW, LETS SETTLE OUR WAGONS HERE, FUCKING NORWEGIANS MAN, AND THE FUCKING MAD IRISH WHO FOLLOWED THEM, I DONT WHAT WHY AM I HERE”

and tumblr dad just reaches out and pats my knee with his mittened hand and turns the heat up.


Ok, first of all…THANK YOU FOR THE SCIENCE you guys let me show you. It has been a while since i made this blog and the amount of people that are following just wow. And also a lot of people have asked me (some have even threatened to do unsettling harmless stuff so that) to reveal my face. And hey, i hope i met your expectations cause rudescience is not just a blog run by a rude cat. It’s actually a person by which you’ll decide if you find him aesthetically pleasing, i know i do and i am talking about myself here. Anywayyyy….

The reasons for not doing it more early in the blog run was just because it didn’t feel right. And i think you’ll respect my decision if i tell you not to reblog this, but i cannot stop you so do whatever the frick you want. (but pls don’t) :P

The pictures are from oldest to newest so to say. And i can rock a pretty solid beard (FEAR ME) which i dont think i can pull off anymore. Anyway.. Maybe drop an ask of what you think of me and more importantly of the blog so far.

Tell me what you would like to see more of (except me) on this blog. Obv science related. 

So long, and thanks for all the science. Cheers,



unless im like super comfortable w/ telling someone shit about my life because i know they honestly care, for the most part i really dont like talking about my life w/ people unless they ask – partly because I just really like listening and also bcuz i hate being that person that doesnt know how to hold a convo w/out it being about me–   BUT you’d b so surprised how many ppl are super comfortable carrying on in a conversation talking about every fucking facet of their life for hours w/out ever asking the other person a thing.

i just end up being everyones therapist which i cannot stand anymore so now im just ignoring everyone and buying everyone diaries like go talk to someone who cares cuz i do not.

my top 3 reasons why i dont want dimple to be exorcised for good just yet tbh
  1. the idea of mob having to kill (or exorcise, i guess) someone who was once a previous friend does not feel good to me. i dont want to have to see him do that. i dont want to have to see him deal with that. he doesnt deserve anymore pain and honestly Fuck what mogami said about people not being able to change let mob prove him wrong!!!!!! let mob be happy!!!!!!!!
  2. at the very least i cannot accept dimple getting written off without us knowing Shit Fuck abt who he was when he was alive, how he died, and why he wants to become god (and also what he looked like and what his real name is because dimple sure as fuck isnt a real name) 
  3. i dont know why, but the idea of teru being Forever Bitter abt the whole situation after its over and being constantly passive aggressive at dimple and thats just Their Relationship now is such a funny idea to me……let it happen……………bleas

anonymous asked:

hello :) why do you think orihime being taken away was ichigo's worst nightmare. like it was obviously a nightmare, but why do you think it's his worst?

Well I think Ichigo’s worst nightmare would always be losing the people he cares about/being unable to protect them, and just the fact that Kubo ‘coincidentally,’ decided for him to have a nightmare the same night Ichigo loses Orihime it’s just like…well played, Kubo, but try not to be so obvious next time ok?

Plus, he was so devastated the next morning when he woke up to a real nightmare…


LOOK AT HIS EYES. It’s like his blood ran cold and his heart stopped beating. And everyone else is like yelling/panicking but Ichigo is practically speechless with shock.

And then

He flips the fuck out! Panics! Rages! Clenches his fist, “g-GOD DAMMNIT!! THAT’S BULLSHIT!!” I’ve never seen him retaliate with this much fury against someone who wasn’t an enemy (and even then he typically doesn’t lose his cool like this). And it’s like he’s trying so desperately to convince everyone, but mostly himself, that SHE. IS. NOT. DEAD. He refuses to believe it.

His face! His eyes! He’s in so much anger and pain. Orihime is called a traitor and he screams, “BULLSHIT” at Captain Commander Yamamoto to protect her honor. lmao, and he’s so pissed off that Renji has to fucking hold him back.

Didn’t even have to pause and think about it for even a second—he is going to save her. Even if he has to do it completely alone. After all, he had just recently made a promise to Orihime that he wants to keep…



This is consistently painful.

His infamous fake smile.

“I’ll be back by then.” Holy shit, he just knows that he’s going to save her, and come back with her.

He had those bags and dark circles under his eyes the whole day. I’m still in pain.

So yeah, he was devastated when Orihime was taken away. But then when he finally saved her this happened:

And his nightmare was over (◡‿◡✿)

he looks so soft and happy and he’s giving her the puppy dog eyes and i simply cannot do this anymore goodbye

Our little letters and our love.

Here is the my girlfriend letter: 

So how should I even tell this… I’ve known u for so long already and u really got to my nerves at first:) Who would have ever thought we would be here today, so close, so happy, so loved. You were a great friend even back then, I loved to talk to you and get your messages, just like now..hehe:) For a while I didn’t hear anything from you, but I really did wonder a lot of how are you and where you’ve been and all. I missed you even then. Then ofcourse I found about the scary thought of ur illness and what u went through and I was so freaked out because..what if I had lost you..and I would have never known. It still gives me chills when I think about it. I thank God for you and that you had the strength to pull through it and stick by us all. Funny how I don’t even remember how we got to talk again. All I seem to remember that you switched your girlfriends a lot, but somehow you were so unhappy all the time, and I just had to drag u back up. We’ve had some terrible fights and u have literally scared me so much. I wish I could take all my words back and to never have hurt you the way I did. And when did we get so close as we are today? I think it happened earlier than just last saturday. I’ve just been enjoying to talk to you and I trust you and it’s just so easy and relaxed and good. Baby I know I was scared for a long time and that I broke your heart a lot. There aren’t enough or right words to say how sorry I am. If I were you, I would have forgotten me a long time ago cause no person should go through so much pain as you have! But somehow you always stayed, and you always cared and you always loved me. And then we met and everything changed, so quickly, so suddenly, but I do not regret anything. Baby, I still cant torget last Saturday, it was a beautiful Beautiful day! And I cant thank you enough for that!! And I went with my gut to say yes to you and I felt in peace after that, like I made the right thing. I dont know how long this will last or how close or how relationship-py it will be, but what I do know is that I’m happy and I care about you and I miss you a lot and I love you. We are still best friends, but so much closer now and I love to hold ur hand and hug you and oh those kisses baby <33 You know almost everything about me and you don’t judge me and..I feel safe and that is something I’ve missed. Baby you know my “buttons” and i dont know..Im just lost for words, because I simply cannot explain what I’m feeling. It’s amazing, which means that you are amazing too! And we will have our amazing days and moments together. But whatever should happen, if this doesn’t work out for some reason or…I don’t know..I don’t want to think about the bad things but..all I wanna say is that even when u start to hate or dont give a crap about my life anymore, I will always care about you and I will always love you and..you will always be my person who has been here for me..through thick and thin!! And I want is for you to be happy and feel good also and find lots of joy and that your dreams might come true, whatever they are baby! I cannot wait for our beautiful weekend together and our movie date. But most of all I miss you so much!! To see you smile and laugh, these are my favourite things!! <33 I love you so much sweetheart!!!

Here is my letter  :

Darling you know…


Last night i watched when you fell a sleep and you looked so beautiful. Moonlight was falling on your body  and you looked like a midnight angel next to me. I heard your calmful breathe and how you put arms around me.. Snuggled closer even though you was sleeping. And that moment i realized i have never felt this way. Like this real love.. When you stay awake just to look a person next to bed and you have running million thoughts through your head. I kissed your forehead and whispered to your ear beautiful dreams my little princess. 


You always have so many things and words what could make me smile and my dimples hurt. It’s just amazing how easily can you cheer me up and feel like a happiest guy ever. And when im with you and having my arms around you i feel like home. I feel so safe and your arms are my little heavenly place to be. When i feel sad i lie my head to your lap… And you play with my hair and make me feel better even without words.


And i love our little inside jokes.. We laugh so much together and have simply fun.  Truth is i can’t never stay mad at you cause you have your special cute face.. What makes me melt and smile like a goofy.


No matter where we go. No matter what we do as long as you are by my side, i can go to end of the world and scream how much i love you.


P.S. I hope you have good day at work today. I’m waiting you and missing you so bad.


I love you baby!

I really love you so much <3.

P.S. And here is photo of us in my babes 25th birthday.