maybe. just maybe.
warnings: mentions of insecurity and overall sadness. language as well
pairings: tom holland x reader
type: hc list
summary: you and tom liked each other, but paranoia sets in, and it messes things up for the both of you.
a/n: this one is a mixture of sad and happy. the start of it is happy, but it quickly turns sour. it’s also inspired by this song.
i wanted to write something that was sad, because sometimes, things don’t always have a happily ever after ending.
also, if you are on my taglist, PLEASE don’t feel obligated to read this just because you’re on the taglist. if you would like to only be added to happy things, please let me know, and i will make sure to make a note of it!!
- you knew tom for awhile, maybe ten months give or take.
- you two met when you were an extra for infinity war
- you actually made the first move and told him you loved what he was doing with the new spider-man
- which made him incredibly giddy
- the day you left is the day he asked for your number
- it just went on from there
- it was obvious that tom flirted with you
- at the start, it was subtle. some texts saying “your last instagram pic was really good.”
- then you’d be like “good? like the quality?”
- and he’d be like “no, like, it was cute”
- which would make u feel so good!!!!
- but later in the flirting stage, it’d be more straightforward
- “you looked really beautiful on facetime”
- “why didn’t you tell me that on facetime”
- a call would be made just so it could be said on facetime
- everyone started to catch on
- mainly because tom would leave comments on your pictures almost instantaneously
- and you’d do the same
- and everything was going smoothly for a long time
- you weren’t a big movie star
(you literally only wanted to be an extra because of tom lmao)but you understood the fact that he couldn’t always be with you every single day, good or bad
- and you were fine with that for the most part, until it became a bad day
- you would just sit by your phone, and wait for his name to pop up. just waiting for his kind words to help make your day a little less shitty
- but you wouldn’t get anything until you’d fall asleep, unfortunately
- with tom’s new schedule, it was hard to communicate
- but you wanted the best for your
more than just afriend. this was his dream, and you weren’t trying to varnish it in the least bit
- with the difficult communication, came the dry texting due to him being busy
- his semi-long paragraph texts would turn into a couple of words, which meant he barely had a second to even glance at his phone
- of course, you kept telling yourself that this is his job.
- and that you two weren’t even official, so this needed to calm down before you got seriously damaged by this
- but that was kind of too late.
- with everything you would say to yourself, it just piled up to the point where you felt alone
- “he’s just busy” which is true, but you couldn’t help but think
- “he’ll text back soon” which eventually happened, but not to the extent you were hoping for
- your whole demeanor would change towards him
- you felt so guilty for being so upset over this, but you couldn’t help it
- because you truly felt lonely
- but that’s when you decided to try and distance yourself for god knows what reason
- you would wait hours to respond, which was different. you’d usually answer instantaneously, hoping he would still have his phone in sight
- not answering calls, and claiming you were busy
- but really you were just trying to show him what it was like
- returning dry messages with one or two word replies of your own
- eventually, contact just kinda vanished.
- you didn’t respond to him one day, and he didn’t really attempt to get back into contact
- which would leave you to tears some nights, because he was supposed to be your love. you two were supposed to make it. hollywood wasn’t supposed to end this.
- everything was starting to feel normal. no communication was starting to be the only thing you could register.
- until he had a break.
- he posted on his instagram about having a while off due to having some of his wisdom teeth cut out
- you seen it two days after he posted it.
- next thing you know, you just sat in your bed with tears brimming, because if you had continued talking to him, he would be with you right now. you would be helping harrison and the twins take care of him
- but you weren’t.
- you were sat in your bed with one of his stupid old shirts thrown beside your bed in clear view.
- a day had passed, and nothing but regret filled your mind.
- but you didn’t know that he felt the exact same way.
- while you were in your bed late at night, thinking about what you actually had, he would be doing the same.
- it hit him hard when he was alone after getting his wisdom teeth taken out.
- because, damn; you were supposed to be there with him. calling him cute little names and making fun of him, all while playing songs from alvin and the chipmunks and singing to him.
- but instead, there was silence and heartbreak.
- out of his mind, he tweeted about a song you had suggested to him a long time ago.
- it was a song you listened to when you felt everything at once.
- several of your friends texted you with links and screenshots of what he said, almost immediately after he posted it.
- “@TomHolland1996: Promise by Ben Howard always makes me think about the things I once knew.”
- at this point, you didn’t know if this was about you, or if he was just enjoying the song.
- until a local friend sent you a screenshot of a picture he just uploaded to instagram
- “@tomholland2013: Maybe, just maybe I’ll come home.”
- it was a picture of a park in your town.
- more specifically, the park tom would always make you go to because he thought it had a lovely, aesthetic feel.
his home screen for the longest time was actually a picture of you laughing while sitting next to him on a bench
- now, you knew. he was thinking about you. he was talking about you in that tweet.
- you knew you shouldn’t, but your heart couldn’t take anymore of this tomfoolery. you texted him.
- “hey. what’s with those posts?”
- it took him approximately three minutes to respond.
- “What do you think?”
- you sat still, looking at his response, not knowing what to even say. luckily, he did that part for you a couple of minutes after.
- “Listen, i don’t know exactly what I did in order to make you not speak to me, but it fucking hurts.”
- “I know I didnt try to talk to you either but thats because i thought you didn’t care enough to answer.”
- “And I know that I didn’t talk to you a whole lot in the first place, but that’s because I was busy. You know that”
- you finally stepped in with his last comment.
- “i knew that perfectly well, tom. i’m not an idiot. i knew your job had consequences for us. i was prepared for that, for the most part. but what i wasn’t prepared for, was literally being isolated. i felt like SHIT because of the little half assed responses i’d get from you. like i said, i knew about the whole distance thing, but i didn’t think it would be this fucking awful.”
- read at 5:28 PM
- “and quite frankly, it broke my god damn heart whenever i’d get a notification that you had posted something, but there were unread texts from me sitting in your conversations.”
- “all of this just made me feel so alone, and so clingy, that it messed with my brain. there were days when i wouldn’t even turn on my phone because i just fucking knew that there wasn’t anything to see.”
- “i’m sorry if this was a lot to take in, but this was a lot for me to take in too.”
- read at 5:44 PM
- by now, you had let everything go. you didn’t care if you cried, or who heard you. you finally revealed everything you kept hidden for so long.
- roughly thirty minutes had passed. no messages, no posts, no nothing.
- you were about to head off to bed after a couple of hours of staring at the ceiling with newly dried tears staining your cheeks.
- you kept your phone on, just in case he wanted to contact you.
- after you had changed into your pajamas, and laid your head down, the vibration of your phone filled the room. you sighed, and turned over to see tom’s name on your screen.
- “Im sorry i took to fcking long to reply. I didnt know what to say to you. But I guess I know now. Im sorry for being the absolute worst. I didnt know you felt like that. But while Im sorry, I dont think it would be healthy for us to go forward with anything. At least not rightnow. I don t want to hurt you anymore than i already have. Thanks for being there for the timet hat you were Y/n”
- you didn’t even finish reading the text, partly because you couldn’t see much through your tears. but still, you frantically went into twitter, and typed his user into the search bar, and then typed in your name after it. no results were found. reluctantly, you reopened instagram to see the damage. and sure enough, he had archived, or deleted every picture that was related to you. except for his most recent one, but he did change the caption.
- “Maybe, just maybe you’ll come home.”
- with that, you messaged him back with a simple response before turning off your phone.
- “maybe. just maybe.”
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