i dont do drugs i am drug


Dont get into drugs
I dont mean only the worst of the worst
I mean all of them
Dont get into drugs
Because i wanted to have a little fun on my weekends it changed me forever
Because i wanted to feel better i am changed forever
Because i wanted to pass my tests i am changed forever
Dont get into drugs
Because i loved the feeling i am changed forever
Because he said he loved me and its fun to do i am changed forever
Because “homies” gave me them with no price i am changed forever
Dont get into drugs
Because i got into drugs i am changed forever
I didnt say dont try it, or dont do it
I dont expect anyone to never be curious
But do not g e t into d r u g s.
Because i got into drugs i cannot have deep conversations
Because i got into drugs i feel worse when i am touched by someone
Because i got into drugs my mental illnesses are tougher than they ever were before
Because i got into drugs i will never not feel anxious
Because i got into drugs i cant have normal conversations
Because i got into drugs i can only be around so many people before having an attack
Because i got into drugs i am changed forever
Because i got into drugs i dont feel emotions how a human being should
Because i got into drugs making love doesnt fee as romantic or intense as i remembered
Because i got into drugs i am selfish
Because i got into drugs my body has changed forever
I am different for the r e s t of my life,
Because i got into drugs
Do n o t get into d r u g s.

Everyone keeps asking if I’m ok.

And to be honest Im far from okay. I live everyday with this habit that eats away at my very core. It used to be something I did,became what I use, and now its who I am. I can’t go one single fuckin day without needing to take a hit. It sucks to be honest. I’m really considering getting into a program at this point. I dont have a single clue with what Im doing anymore.

I told myself things would be fine and things would work out, but somehow I got lost down the road. I dont know where I’m going, dont know what to do, because the only things I knew how to do were write music,do drugs,and love. Im starting to want something else. Something new!

Something beyond this world of being an addict. When I had the money I was buying big amounts just because of high my tolerance was. Its insane! I dont like the route i administer the drug. But its the best way euphorically.

But I’m scared in losing my mind. The voices,the paranoia, the fear of things unwanted I feel that are coming my way. Its not fun,the fun is long gone but I keep using to get more fucked off? Whats the deal? Someone anyone please help me

I’ve never been more depressed, I have absolutely no one to go to and all I want is to be happy. Drugs or death. Thats how I truly see it.. What else is there for someone like me?

we all went swiming and we all drown// tie me up and then just leave// do you take sugar in your coffe at 3:46 am??// i dont know the colour of your eyes but i hope they’re blue// did you mean what you said last night?// we talked last night??//the drugs sometimes kick in weeks later// like when i close my eyes and i see a faceless smile// sometimes i laugh at things that make me want to cry// sometimes i appericate the things that destory me// scratch that.. i always appericate the things that destroy me// run until my lungs catch fire and my whole body burns// i like kissing people that i would never fuck// i always say I’m not going to get that drunk right before i black out// and i always say it wont bother me but it still wil// break my bones to see if i have any// break my heart to see if its still beating// i should call my doctor// call me later // sometimes i wish i didnt care about anything so i could become a druggie and live with purpose// getting high is a purpose// its like falling in love with a feeling// i do that a lot// there is good in everyone// hell isn’t below the earth, its stuttley mixed into everthing you love the most// if you love things after their expiry date you will get sick// best before… yesterday// best before… last week// best before… last year// my trash can is empty because i dont use things just to throw them away// yours is full// angels and demons fuck a lot its just sience// i dont want to be someone else i just want to change everything about myself//weed left me confused so i started popping pills// i lost 4 hours yesterday// must have misplaced them// i wanna sell my soul but the devil wont buy it??// does anyone have a used phone case that will protect me from seeing things i dont want to see// like how lonely i am// did you do the math homework?// i dont really want to stop being 16// mom please dont touch me right now//i like noises that make it impossible to hear anything// i like pain that distracts me from other pain//i like songs that have feelings attached// i like ugly people// i like faceless people// i like people who dont like themselves// i like people who dont know how to like// i don’t know how to like// I’m not going to fuck you//… right now// why do people say goodbye BEFORE they leave// why didn’t you say goodbye before you left?// Why did you leave?// what do you want to do after high school?// not this// throw me a shovel because I’m so fucking stuck// light a match and drop it on a pile of everything i used to be// add gasoline //
—  Not everything

hai. im courtney. im 16. first things first, im clingy. so if you arent clingy either keep scrolling. also if you do drugs or smoke weed dont even bother. ive dated tooooo many people with drug problems. regardless, i love art and poetry. im kinda a hippie. i love thats 70’s show. i am really lonely and kinda desperate. i really am looking for something. i use kik which i know if the myspace of messengers but still. message me if you’d like. i do long distance. 😄

kik: courtnisaur
url: www.tumblr.com/indescribable-fear-of-nothing

message me on here too.