i don't want to turn up the light

  • D: If you were driving, and the light turned yellow, would you speed up or slow down?
  • River Phoenix: I would most definitely slow down.
  • D: Ahh more conservative than I imagined.
  • River Phoenix: I wouldn't want to risk some cute family's life.. I care about people around me; I don't want to hurt them, or fuck them up. There's are way to be as free as possible but make you life coincide in fairness with others. I've gone through red lights, but because I didn't see them.
  • [Details Magazine, 1991]
I don't like it when a career driven woman is convinced by a playful light-hearted man to "stop being a stick in the mud" or "work so hard."

Like, guys, a woman who goofs off in the workplace gets RAILED for being lazy and unfit for work and criticized at every turn.

A guy GETS to be goofy and relatable and he gets called charismatic.

This stupid Hollywood narrative that bossy women who care more about their careers than impressing some stupid new guy who wants her to “loosen” up need to be “fixed” pisses me off.

Like sure she doesn’t care about romance.

Why the fuck is that indicative of something “wrong” with her?

So many goddamn hallmark movies with uptight woman meets guy who teaches her not to be uptight and let loose and be his proper little girlfriend, like, fuck all of you.

Women can be icy cold bitches who don’t feel the need to entertain anyone.

Fuck you, romantic comedies, I know your game.

You want me to think that men who work hard are admirable but women who work hard are trying too hard or “not focusing on the right thing.”

You can call it romance or say that it’s HUMAN, it’s not gendered, but that doesn’t explain away why it’s more often than not hardworking women being snarked at by some Gary Stu insert guy.

I can’t stand those guys, man. You think they’re funny and cute in romcoms, but in real life they’re condescending edgelords who can’t get a grip on the reality that women simply don’t have the flexibility men get in the workplace.

Fuck romcoms.

anonymous asked:

i love this blog!! since requests are open, could i possibly request an angsty fic where either mccree, hanzo, or soldier 76 find their s/o severely injured on the battlefield when there's no healer in sight, so they prepare to kill them out of mercy (not the character)? thank you SO much!! i understand that writing for all 3 of them would be too much work, so please only do as much as you want to. thank you again!

hi again!! this was the anon asking for the mercy-kill with soldier 76, mccree, and hanzo! i forgot to include that i’d really like it if help arrived just on time before their s/o gets killed! sorry and thank you very much!



McCree


There’s a contingency for this situation. Though the exact wording is different, Jesse has known the contingency since he joined up with Deadlock. Don’t talk to the cops. Don’t negotiate with terrorists.

Don’t let them take you alive.

You limp as fast as you can, keep pushing Jesse to go ahead, run so at least one of you will get out of this mess alive. He refuses to leave you, tries to steady you when he can barely walk himself.

“Get going, idiot. It’s no use if they kill us both.”

You push at him, have called him worse things in the past ten minutes but he won’t budge, stubbornly shakes his head and drags you along.

Right into a dead end.

You stop, both of you staring down the cliff about a hundred feet too deep for comfort. You turn around but the Talon mercs close in fast from the only available escape route.

“Well, shit.” Jesse says, and he’s doing all he can to keep sounding light hearted, like he’s already cooking up another plan. Unless he found a way to grow wings you doubt any plan is getting you out of there.

“Jesse.” you say and cup his cheek. “They’ll want to interrogate us.”

You have maybe a minute before the mercs get into range, less than that to say goodbye. He turns his head away, shakes it. “Y’can’t ask that of me. Don't… “ he pleads with you, grabs your hand and holds it to his chest.

“I can’t fire a gun anymore. If you don’t help me I’ll be captured.”

He kisses every knuckle of your injured hand trying to get you to stop talking about this. He keeps shaking his head, whines deep in his throat like an injured dog.

“Jesse, look at me.”

Finally he looks up and you almost wish he hadn’t. Tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn’t sob, doesn’t sniff or gasp, but he cries. Cries not because you’re asking him to kill you but because he knows he will. There are fates worse than death. He loads peacekeeper, as slow as he dares. The mercs are almost on top of you he can’t draw it out any longer.

“Please…”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Please imagine soft Hartwin laying in bed at night, Eggsy curled up against Harry and laying on Harry's arm and putting his cold feet on Harry's thigh. Harry stops reading his book to kiss Eggsy's temple and then turn the light off and wrap his arms around his young lover and just whispers "I love you" in his ear (okay I'm done now, don't look at me *hides away*)

I think about these two idiots cuddling in bed LOTS and I fucking adore this image you’ve given me, okay. It’s golden and I want to marry it and bring it to my house and feed it cookies, I adore it that much.

Maybe Eggsy runs cold; his fingers and toes are always several degrees colder than the rest of him. And Eggsy is always brushing his fingers across Harry’s neck, watching him startle and jump at the touch; or shoving his feet in between Harry’s thighs, grumbling about how cold he is into Harry’s shoulder and Harry just sighs, all fond exasperation.

And Eggsy’s like an octopus when he sleeps, all gangly limbed and practically suctioned to Harry’s side. He whimpers if Harry tries to untangle himself from Eggsy’s grasp before dawn. There has been a few times when Harry has woken up with Eggsy laying pretty much on top of him, legs twined together, Eggsy’s arms splayed out on the sheets, his face buried into the crook of Harry’s neck (how does he breath like that?!).

Eggsy always calls Harry his personal furnace. He’ll tuck his hands into Harry’s coat pockets walking home from Savile Row or wiggle his way under Harry’s arms when they are laying on the couch after supper or sit in Harry’s lap while he’s trying to do paperwork at the office, but Harry’s not sure if that’s Eggsy being cold or just trying to make himself more tempting on a long, boring day.

So, this isn’t really about them cuddling in bed anymore but the point stands: give me these two dorks just constantly up in each other’s space and just being two besotted idiots in love.

Cute/funny Stranger Things related lines I came up with for you to use on Valentine's Day
  • Will you be my valentine?
  • I’d hide you in my basement
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re an Eleven
  • I’m stealthy, like a ninja
  • You can open my curiosity door anytime
  • I don’t need Christmas lights, you already light up my life
  • I’d fight a demogorgon for you any day
  • Are you Eleven? Because you opened my gate
  • You turn my world upside down
  • My name is not Jennifer Hayes but I’d cry at your funeral
  • I want to go monster hunting with you
  • You’re not Hopper but you can check out my shed anytime
How about now?
  • James: Blimley hell Sirius!
  • Sirius: What!? You've interrupted me!
  • James: Yeah I interrupted your OBVIOUS staring!
  • Sirius: Dunno what you're talking about now shut up!
  • James: Uuuuh Padfoot pissed because Moony's flirting with a giiirl?
  • Sirius: Shut up or I will bombarda you into that wall!
  • James: Yup... not obvious at all!
  • Sirius takes out his wand and points it at James
  • James: oooohkay okay! Calm down big dog!
  • Sirius growls
  • James: C'mon... no need to be grumpy.
  • Suddenly Remus shows up behind Sirius
  • Remus: Padfoot put your want down.
  • Sirius: As master commands...
  • Remus: *smirks* I'm going to bed. Good night Sirius, James!
  • Sirius: *get's up* Yeah me too.
  • James: *whispers into Sirius' ear* Your chance! Don't screw it up.
  • Sirius: Fuck off!
  • In the dorm
  • Remus: Sleep tight Padfoot.
  • They crawl into their beds
  • Sirius: You too Moony.
  • Remus turns off the light
  • Remus: ...
  • Remus: ...
  • Remus: ...
  • Remus: ...Padfoot?
  • Sirius: Yeah.
  • Remus: I'm cold...
  • Silence
  • Then Sirius get's up and crawls into Remus' bed
  • Sirius: Better now?
  • Remus: *swallows* Almost.
  • Sirius wraps his arms around Remus' body
  • Sirius: Better now?
  • Remus: yeah... almost.
  • Sirius places a little kiss on Remus' neck
  • Sirius: Now?
  • Remus: How about this?
  • He turns around and kisses Sirius, very softly, on his lips
  • Remus: Now I'm good.
P!nk Lyrics Sentence Starter Meme
  • "You could be my flamingo."
  • "I'm not here for your entertainment."
  • "What part of a party don't you understand?"
  • "You stole my heart."
  • "Please don't leave me."
  • "We're not broken, just bent."
  • "How did I become so obnoxious?"
  • "You and me together, forever and ever."
  • "My head is spinning."
  • "Turn off the lights."
  • "I guess I just lost my husband/wife/spouse."
  • "You're an asshole but I love you."
  • "It's time to start the countdown."
  • "I think you're full of shit."
  • "No one can be just like me anyway."
  • "I wanna start a fight."
  • "Will it fuck up my hair?"
  • "Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face."
  • "I don't believe in soul mates."
  • "You don't really want to mess with me tonight."
  • "It's my new obsession."
  • "Feels like I'm surrounded by clowns and liars."
  • "I want back my ignorance and bliss."
  • "I'm still a rockstar."
  • "You're my perfect little punching bag."
  • "We can learn to love again."
  • "You were a thief."
  • "It’s two in the mornin’, someone tell me why’s there’s traffic."
  • "I think this might be it for us."
  • "I'm drunk, I don't give a fuck."
  • "Stupid girls."
  • "I am capable of really anything."
  • "I'm gonna get in trouble."
Listening to Tegan & Sara Heartbroken:
  • iPod: *My Number plays*
  • Me: Tegan gets it. She just understands.
  • ipod: *Northshore plays*
  • Me: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO TEGAN!
  • ipod: *Monday Monday Monday plays*
  • Me: Sara know's whats up.
  • ipod: *plays Underwater*
  • Me: *cries*
  • ipod: *aligator*
  • Me: *does entire dance, forgets why i was sad*
  • ipod: *the ocean plays*
  • Me: *lies on floor, questioning whats real and what's not*
  • ipod: *plays Closer*
  • Me: Yes! I need to dance! Dance it out! *realizes I have no one to sing this song about, sings the whole thing at the top of my lungs sarcastically with rage!*
  • ipod: *the con plays*
  • Me: *can never tell if i'm drunk or its raining when i hear this song...* NOBODY LIKES ME!!!!!!!!!!!
  • ipod: *Someday plays*
  • Me: MARK MY WORDS I MIGHT BE SOMETHING SOME DAY!!!!! *to pictures of all my past lovers*
  • ipod: *burn your life down*
  • Me: I swear Sara saw my future and wrote this for me...and me alone.
  • ipod: *goodbye goodbye*
  • Me: *dance's, makes crying face, doesn't cry*
  • iPod: *call it off*
  • Me: isn't this song supposed to be happy???? *sobs in confusion*
  • ipod: *I Hear Noises*
  • Me: *dances* Tegan makes me so happy!
  • ipod: *I was a Fool*
  • Me: What the fuck are you doing to me Tegan!!!! *sobs*
  • ipod: *How Come You don't Want Me*
  • Me: *sings at the top of my lungs, dances around spilling whiskey*
  • ipod: *Now I'm All Messed Up*
  • me: *uses wine bottle as mic, turns on one lamp for a spot light, dramatic performance like its 1985*
  • iPod: *entire So Jealous album*
  • Me: i'm over it. that was exactly what i needed. Tegan & Sara = the remedy.
Parent/Child Starters
  • "Didn't I tell you to brush your teeth?"
  • "Did you brush your teeth?"
  • "Let me smell your breath."
  • "I don't feel good."
  • "I had a nightmare."
  • "Can I sleep with you?"
  • "Do you want to sleep with us?" (feel free to change if single parent)
  • "Where's daddy?"
  • "Where's momma?"
  • "Is your friend going to spend the night this weekend?"
  • "What do you want for your birthday?"
  • "You made breakfast all by yourself?"
  • "If you don't brush your hair, we're getting it all cut off and you'll be bald."
  • "Do you like your teachers?"
  • "You can watch TV in my room."
  • "Supper is ready."
  • "How'd you do on your test?"
  • "Can you help me with my homework?"
  • "I have a project due tomorrow and I haven't even started."
  • "You're grounded!"
  • "I hate you!"
  • "Well I love you."
  • "What kind of cereal do you want?"
  • "Do you want to go to the store with me?"
  • "Buckle up."
  • "Give me a kiss good night."
  • "Sweet dreams. Don't let the bed bugs bite."
  • "Can you read me a bed time story?"
  • "I'm scared."
  • "Why are you crying?"
  • "Have you finished your homework yet?"
  • "I want to go to the park."
  • "Can I have a dog?"
  • "Can I have a kitten?"
  • "Will you take care of an animal?"
  • "Did you do your chores?"
  • "I said clean your room."
  • "If you don't clean your room the city is going to come in here and condemn this place and you'll be living under the bridge."
  • "Turn the lights off."
  • "Did you turn your lights off?"
  • "Did you wash your hands?"
  • "Did you flush the toilet?"
  • "I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I don't feel good."
  • "___ kissed me!"
  • "How much longer til my birthday?"
  • "Is Santa Claus real?"
  • "Is the Easter Bunny real?"
  • "I lost a tooth."
  • "Put your tooth under your pillow so the Tooth Fairy can take it and leave you some money."
  • "There's no such things as monsters."
  • "Who hit you?"
  • "Why did you get into a fight?"
  • "Don't fall asleep on the couch. I'm not carrying you to bed."
  • "Now you have to behave when we go out, okay?"
  • "I always behave."
  • "I don't like cheek kisses!"
  • "I love you, Momma."
  • "I love you, Daddy."
  • "Do you want a little brother or sister?"
  • "I don't wanna little brother or sister!"
  • "Does that mean I get to be its big brother/sister?"
  • "It's not an it, sweetie."
  • "If you have another baby, you'll forget about me and love it more."
KPOP GPS: EXO
  • Suho: In 200 metres please turn left. You have reached your destination. Have a nice day.
  • Minseok: In 200 metres please turn left! You have reached your destination! Have a nice day!
  • Kyungsoo: In 200 metres turn left. You have reached your destination. *sighs* Can we please go home now?
  • Yixing: *calls you from china* I believe we are lost but don't worry! We'll get there in the end! I can fix this! Fighting!
  • Sehun: So. THIS is the car you chose to install me in? I used to live in an Aston Martin you know.
  • Jongin: In 200 metres turn lef-OMG, did you see that poodle at the traffic lights!?
  • Chanyeol: Your destination is in 200 metres but hey hey, listen to this next song I wrote, it's really good.
  • Jongdae: Wow. How did I end up in a GPS? *says wow for 5 minutes*
  • Baekhyun: To be honest with you driver, I don't actually know where we're going.
JONAS BROTHERS LYRICS APPRECIATION POST.
  • Please be mine: I can't stop the rain from falling
  • Can't stop my heart from calling you
  • Hold on: When you love someone and they break your heart, don’t give up on love, have faith, restart. Just hold on.
  • Goodnight and Goodbye: I feel like we have fallen apart, open up your eyes girl and see, how wonderful this love could be.
  • Hello Beautiful: 'cause I could go across the world, see everything and never be satisfied, if I couldn't see those eyes.
  • Still in love with you: But your smile still makes my heart sing another sad song, I can't forget it, I won't regret it.
  • Australia: The only thing you knew was true has just walked out of your life. How does it feel?
  • When you look me in the eyes: Dreams can't take the place of loving you, there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.
  • Inseparable: We can stop for hours just staring at the stars, they shine down to show us that you know when the sun forgets to shine, I'll be there to hold you through the night and we'll be running so fast we can fly tonight.
  • Hollywood: Fallen soldiers, all around us, but we're still standing strong. Embarrassing and contradicting 'cause now we're making headlines, primetime, saying "what a story!". Billboards, packed tours. Don't forget you can try to break us and make us fall apart, but the fires in our hearts.
  • Take a breath: People change and promises are broken, clouds can move and skies will be wide open. Don't forget to take a breath.
  • Out of this world: Said she'd seen it all before, made me wonder even more.
  • Lovebug: I kissed her for the first time yesterday, everything I wished that it would be. Suddenly I forgot how to speak. Hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see?
  • Tonight: Every single word's been said, broke each other's hearts again. As the starlit sky begins to shine, we're breakin' down, she screams out.
  • Can't have you: I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I don't know if I'll get up, and I don't wanna cause a scene, but I'm dyin' without your love. Begging to hear your voice tell me you love me too.
  • Video girl: They're all the same, they all want the money, they're all insane, they live for fame, honey. They laugh at you when you're not even bein' funny.
  • Pushin' me away: Spinning round these walls are falling down and I need you.
  • Sorry: Filled with sorrow, filled with pain, knowing that I am to blame ror leavin' your heart out in the rain. And I know your gonna walk away, leave me with the price to pay, before you go I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
  • A little bit longer: And you don't know what it's like to feel so low and every time you smile, you laugh, you glow.
  • Before the storm: Just thinking back to where we started and how we lost all that we are. We were young, and times were easy, but I could see it's not the same. I'm standing here, but you don't see me, give it all for that to change.
  • Much better: Get a rep for breakin' hearts, now I'm done with super stars and all the tears on her guitar, I'm not bitter // I believe that the road that people lead, helps you find the one you need.
  • Black keys: She hates the sun 'cause it proves she's not alone and the world doesn't revolve around her soul. She loves the sky 'cause it validates her pride, never lets her know when she is wrong.
  • Turn right: Pick up all your tears, throw 'em in your backseat, leave without a second glance.
  • Don't Speak: There's a lot that you don't notice, when you read between the lines. The future's out of focus, when you're blinded by the light. It's a hope for all the hopeless in the worst of trying times. I resort to being speechless 'cause I don't want to lie.
  • Poison Ivy: I just got back from the doctor, he told me that I had a problem, but I realized it's you.
  • Fly with me: Maybe you were just afraid, knowing you were miles away from the place where you needed to be and that's right here with me.
  • Paranoid: I make the most of all the stress, I try to live without regrets but I'm about to break a sweat, I'm freakin' out. It's like a poison in my brain, it's like a fog that blurs the sane, it's like a vine you can't untangle. I'm freakin' out
2

“At twenty-one, a girl begins 
to grasp the world and how it spins. 
She grabs a box of safety pins 
and builds herself a home.”

Founding Father Road Trip
  • Madison is sick and couldn’t make it, but Jefferson sends him a ton of ‘wish you were here’ postcards
  • Burr forgot to pack his umbrella
  • Hamilton and Jefferson drive everybody crazy squabbling in the backseat
  • Like, Hamilton says that everybody should chip in evenly to pay for gas, even though it’s certainly not Jefferson who keeps insisting on stupid side trips 
  • And Jefferson brought all the snacks (they’re great snacks, thank you very much) and figured out how to get all their luggage to fit in the trunk because he’s a team player, unlike some people
  • And why does Washington keep letting Hamilton pick the music, huh?That doesn’t seem very fair
  • Washington can’t take it anymore and lets Adams drive
  • Hamilton loudly criticizes his driving, just tears into him for things like stopping at a yellow light Hamilton thinks he could have gone through
  • Jefferson just keeps clearing his throat in a judgmental manner
  • Burr keeps turning the air conditioning way up when nobody’s looking
  • Adams says he’s fine to keep driving, but Jefferson takes over for the rest of the trip
  • Hamilton and Burr both call shotgun
Butterfly Tattoo
  • *aged up au, farkle and lucas live together, maya's always over* *Farkle and Riley used to date (and will again) so Farkle's dealing with that**walks into the main room without a shirt*
  • Lucas: Hey buddy, How was your night?
  • Farkle: You know? It was great. I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo.
  • Farkle: Don't worry, I didn't, but it was... it was amazing.
  • Farkle: *Turns around*
  • Maya and Lucas: *gasp softly*
  • Maya: We gotta call Zay!
  • Lucas: Way ahead of you.
  • *later*
  • Zay: Hey guys, what's the big emergency? Oh, and BTW, I am never speaking to Farkle again.
  • Maya: Really, never? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?
  • Zay: *raises his eyebrows but gets turned around by Maya*
  • *Farkle is in the kitchen*
  • Lucas: Farkle, can you grab the fondue pot?
  • *when farkle reaches, his shirt rides up and zay's eyes light up*
  • Lucas: *whispering* he has no idea
  • Farkle: What?
  • Zay: I came here this morning because... I want to apologize.
  • Farkle: Apology accepted, Barney. As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a babysitter.
  • Zay: See, all this time, I thought you needed a wingman to fly, but the truth is... you've got your own wings now. Since you and Riley split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night, you burst out of that cocoon like a... like a majestic... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon, I was always so bad a science..
  • Maya: *hushed* He's gonna say it!
  • Farkle: A butterfly?
  • *everyone laughs*
  • Farkle: What?
  • Zay: *slaps his lower back* nothin buddy.
  • Farkle: Why did that hurt so much? *runs to the bathroom*
  • Lucas: One... Two... Three...
  • Farkle: OH MY GOD!!!!
Hetalia: Paint It White
  • America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity has been turned into a noppera ghosty blobs by the freaky beam of light that shoots out of other noppera-bo-ba or baaa I don't really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien friend told me they're pictonians from the planet Picto. For reals dudes, Picto's way in like, way far outer space.
  • England: YOUR BRAIN'S IN WAY FAR OUTER SPACE!
  • America: Dude, they're born looking like noppera and they want everybody else looking just like what they're doing, HELLO! Listen up! we can't just let these noppera dudes make earth all freaking boringly white, right? This is wack! We gotta stop these dudes ! Who's with me?... Also, what's a noppera?
  • Japan: Oh yes, I know what they are. It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. It's proper name is nopperabo, okay?
  • England: Wait a tick, are you trying to say this is all your fault Japan?
  • Japan: No! I was simply explaining what noppera means! No more, no less.
  • China: Why do I have to be turned into noppera because of stupid Japan and scary story...
  • Japan: It's not my fault!
  • America: Focus countries ! Japan may have screwed things up, but we still have time to fix it ! Now, your ideas will all suck so listen to me. We'll combine all our military strength! I'll be in command so you can all wear the colors of my flag! All heroes wear red, white, and blue!
  • Italy: I think we should gather under the white flag!
  • England: Why in God's name would we put you in charge?
  • America: Duh, I be the hero, everybody knows that!
  • England: I beg to differ...
  • France: Everybody knows I've got the biggest--
  • England: No one asked you, cheesy monkey!
  • France: Shut up, black sheep of Europe!
  • England: I told you not to call me that!
  • China: Ugh. They never stop talking...
  • Italy: White flags! Come on, I made a whole lot of them! See! We can each wave our very own!
  • America: Japan, you think I'm right, right?
  • Japan: Uh, well, this is why I sense the mood and refrain from speaking.
  • America: Russia! What are you gonna do, dude?
  • Russia: I'm going to do fighting!
  • America: Rock out my dog, I've got the perfect job for you to have then! Back-up sidekick!
  • Russia: What?!
  • America: Yeah, every super-hero needs a sidekick, I should know that, I'm the hero! They even make big-budget Hollywood crazy good movies about it!
  • England: We also have top-notch productions in the UK!
  • France: Um, time-traveling phone booths can only go so far.
  • England: Shut it, Pépé le Pew, just because you invented movie-making doesn't mean you're any good at it! All your films are good for are putting me to sleep!
  • China: Just have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.
  • America: Dude, you can't compete with Michael Bay sequels.
  • China: That attitude is why I restrict your films!
  • Japan: Mine are more quietly artistic with cultural story-telling.
  • Italy: My movies are the most fun ones if you want to ask me!
  • Germany: Grr... rgghh... rggghhhh... THAT IS ENOOOOOUUUUUUGH! WHILE YOU SIT HERE AND ARGUE ABOUT NOTHING, MORE OF MANKIND ARE TURNING INTO THOSE NOPPERA OR PICTONIANS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED!! NOW LISTEN. IF WE HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO THOSE THINGS, WE'LL LOSE OUR FACES SO WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE ANY OF US FROM THE OTHER. THINK ABOUT IT YOU DUMMKOPFSSSSSS!
  • America: Ha ha ha. No need to argue, 'cause I'm right!
  • Russia: I know my ideas are best because otherwise I kill them.
  • China: I'm only allowed to hear my thoughts and those are the ones I like.
  • Germany: Alright then. I'm done here. I don't know why I even thought that we could have a simple discussion. That's not how we work, is it? What a waste. This entire meeting has been pointless. I will do what I have to do and you do what you have to.
  • (Germany leaves the room; soon followed by everyone else)
  • Russia: That's exactly what I was going to say.
  • China: There's too much fighting together to figure out if we should even fight together anyway.
  • France: I am far too gorgeous to have been in a stuffy room for so long.
  • England: I am far too gorgeous to- Shut up France!
  • America: Ha ha ha ha! I was just trying to help! I don't need you guys, I'm the hero!
  • Japan: Ah. My belly. It hurts.
  • Italy: Uhuh! Hey, wait up you guys! Come on, don't leave me here by myself!
  • [Camera shoots to Canada, who is sitting alone.]
  • Canada: I'm still here. And I hate to complain, but no one even bothered to ask my opinion.
  • Kumajiro: Who are you?
  • Canada: I'm Canada.

anonymous asked:

Dear Bad Advisor: I am a 20-year-old (grown-ass) woman, recently turned agnostic, sort of really opposed to ritualistic religious practices. I grew up with strict Hindu parents who force me to join in prayer, walk around the deities three times at the temple, that sort of thing. I've tried reasoning with them, but alas. They don't care for that stuff. I don't want to start a fight, but each time I have to light the oil lamp and say my prayer, my blood pressure goes through the roof. Any advice?

Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.

Boy howdy, can the Bad Advisor see herself in your question, LW! Shout out to all her fellow expats from organized, parent-endorsed religions in the world! 

Look, you’re 20 years old, and you’re in a Place. Bad Advisor doesn’t mean that to be condescending! If you’re anything like a lot of 20-year-olds, especially a lot of 20-year-olds realizing that they’re not juking and jiving with everything their parents spent a couple of decades teaching them, there are well-worn paths leading into and out of that Place.

It sounds like you’ve tried to talk to your parents about why you’re not down with the particular iterations of the religious practices that you grew up with, and which they still adhere to. Having that conversation is hard as a hard butt, so kudos to you for having the guts to use your words in the first place. This is a sign that you are a mature, thoughtful person who wants to treat her parents like adult-equals.

But think of it from your parents’ perspective: they raised you, this person whose butt they used to wipe like four times a day (four? Bad Advisor doesn’t know how many times babies do poops) to do and believe in a thing that they believe is true and helpful and important, and you get one leg out of the nest and next thing they know, you’re telling them that that thing they wanted you to know and believe and love and find important and life-giving is just kind of … not your bag.

That has got to be a hard thing for a parent to hear.

The Bad Advisor watched her own parents hear it from her. They were angry and heartbroken and frustrated. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth. There were guilt bombs dropped. It was a horrible thing and there was nothing the Bad Advisor could do about the fact that this thing she had once so loved, and so been taught to love, was just, like, deeply unbelievable and in many ways totally unpalatable and in even more ways like, a demonstrably bad thing for some people.

This is the gamble of parenting—a game that, unfortunately, a lot of parents think is or should be rigged entirely in their favor, so that when the dice stop rolling after eighteen or twenty years, they end up with the adult human they ordered two decades ago. 

Your parents may never like this outcome. They may hold a grudge against you for years, decades, the rest of your life. That is on them. That is not your fault. They made a sentient human, and this is what happens when you make a sentient human. 

The question is: what can you do about it now? That depends on how much you need to rely on your parents for things like housing, food, school payments, etc. You say you “have” to do these religious rituals that you aren’t on board with, which makes Bad Advisor think that you—like a whole fucking lot of 20-year-olds—are reliant on your parents for some degree of basic world support.

Some parents are going to hold their financial or emotional support hostage until you Do Religion Right. This is a shitty thing, but it is a not uncommon thing. If this is the case with you, and your parents threaten to stop paying for X, Y, Z unless you Do Religion Right, Bad Advisor suggests that you work to become financially independent as quickly as possible.

IN THE MEANTIME: a thing you are probably discovering about religion is that it can, and does, mean so many different things to many, many different people. Yes, the rituals you do at the temple have specific meanings according to the tenets of an organized religion, but can you make these rituals mean something more or different for you, privately? 

An example: the Bad Advisor occasionally attends church services with her parents on major holidays, and this often involves taking communion (that’s when Christians “drink” and “eat” the blood/body of Jesus, and various Christian denominations interpret the ritual differently). The Bad Advisor takes communion, but she prefers to imagine that the ritual is not about a magic man in the sky and his bodily sacrifice to save her original-sin-ridden self from Hell, but about sharing the table of humanity with other people and the obligations that gives the Bad Advisor to not be a complete bag of shit when she lives in the world.

Can you work to reinterpret/retool the rituals you partake in now into something that means something more/different for you? No one but you has to know, and it may give you an interesting opportunity to think not only about these existing rituals, but about where you want to go with your faith and spirituality in the future, and what does and doesn’t work for you in developing your own agnosticism/whatever.

As for dealing with your parents in the long run: chances are, this is going to become less of A Thing over time. Your adulthood is new to your parents; as time goes on, they may become more acclimated to the adult person you will become, and so will you. As this happens, it’s important to draw loving boundaries with people who may mean well, but in trying to “help” you, are actually tremendously hurting/guilting/shaming you.

Get good at changing the subject and redirecting to cooperative tasks—especially tasks that remind your parents that you appreciate their help with things you really need help with:

  • “Thanks, Dad, I’ll think about that. Hey, how about this taco recipe?”
  • “I see what you’re saying, Mom. By the way, I’ve been wondering if you can help me install this fuckball of an IKEA shelving unit.”
  • “That sounds like it’s very important to you, Mom and Dad. Listen, this Rubik’s cube is giving me a hell of a fight. Ideas?”

Now, your parents may be inveterate fixers who take every ask for assistance as an opportunity to DOOOOO PAAARREENNTTIIIINNG ATTT YOOOOUUUU. If this is the case, you’ll want to change that script some:

  • “Those are great points, Dad, but I’m really trying to figure this one out on my own.”
  • “This sounds like a really interesting book, Mom. What did you like most about it?”

Most importantly, you say that you “don’t want to start a fight.” So … don’t! When you feel the conversation turning to fight-mode, rather than rational-adults-discussing-the-marvels-of-the-universe mode, disengage. Use some of those scripts up above, or simply leave the room, house, whatever, with as little fanfare as possible. Go for a walk. Head to class or work early. Your parents will, hopefully, eventually realize that they can’t argue you into sharing their faith—and, in fact, will probably realize that a coerced faith is no faith at all.

Depending on your family’s socio/cultural norms, some of these things may pose more difficulties than others; only you can find the right balance. It’ll take work. Years and years of work. As you become more secure in your adulthood and your own faith/spirituality/lack thereof, Bad Advisor suspects that you’ll feel a little more comfortable making small compromises (for example, attending services or performing rituals on special holidays, etc.), and feeling less obligated/pushed to resist/rebel.

Best of luck to you, LW!

the wonderful @arkhamarchitecture sent me some prime prompts for the perc’ahlia vacation, and I went with in the de Rolo family crypt. enjoy!!

Stone halls pierce deep into the mountain, leave it warren-hollow. Long, sharp-line chambers of pale stone stretch on, and on, and on, a scaffold of generations past. Whitestone is built upon the bones of the de Rolos, Cassandra said, when Vex had asked, and it truly seems that way, bone-white stone riddled with the dead.

There’s a sort of peace down here in the cool underground, torches spilling pools of flickering firelight every dozen paces. The sconces stretch behind her like breadcrumbs, a path to light her way back to the living world, where the ground is green and the sky is blue and the land is warm with the heat of summer, and everything is not made of cold stone and the silent dead.

She will return, soon. First, she has something to do.

Keep reading

The Old Man Has A Sense Of Humour
  • Me: It's 3am, I've had a shitty day, feel pretty worthless and am not sure any of the woo is real.
  • Him, from my shadow on the wall: It's real
  • Me: Yes, but what if the emotional impressions I'm narrating here are just me making it up?
  • Him: What kind of thing would convince you?
  • Me: Something undeniably physical. But that doesn't happen. You don't do that.
  • Him: Even if I did, you would rationalize it away.
  • Me: Yeah right. True but a bullshit excuse. You're not fucking real.
  • Him: *Turns the light coming from my chromebook charger illuminating the wall a very particular shade of blue*
  • Me: Bullshit. Just my brain seeing what I want to see. Not enough. Having a crisis of faith here.
  • Him: Should I turn up at your front door in the middle of the night? Knock?
  • Me: Yes....No. Not that. I'd shit myself in terror.
  • Him: Ah, I'm not real and yet you have a sense of self-preservation. Interesting.
  • Me: Fuck you.
  • Him: So, you want proof of my existence, our contact? But also plausible deniability because you don't believe you could handle proof?
  • Me: Yeah. Double-binds are shit. I mean you're not even here and if you were, there wouldn't be words.
  • Him: But there are words. So, either you are narrating yourself, or you're narrating the impressions I'm evoking. The problem is clearly you.
  • Me: Not helping.
  • Him: You should go to bed. You're just tying yourself in knots.
  • Me: Yeah. We're right about that.
  • Him: Usually are.
  • Me: *transfers out of my chair for bed. Feels my Valknut pendant move, snarls at own apophenia and need for validation combined*
  • Valknut: *falls off my neck*
  • Me: *Spike of terror at having potentially pissed off a god so much my pendant has snapped as a sign* Shit. I'm doomed.
  • Me: *realising the cord has not in fact snapped but the KNOT HAS ACTUALLY UNTIED ITSELF* O_o
  • Him: 0_* :)
  • Me: ...fucker.