i don't want just a nipple

Mean Girls Starters
  • ❝If you're from Africa, why are you white?❞
  • ❝Oh my God, [name], you can't just ask people why they're white.❞
  • ❝Boo, you whore!❞
  • ❝Nice wig, [name]. What's it made of?❞
  • ❝Your Mom's chest hair!❞
  • ❝On Wednesdays we wear pink!❞
  • ❝Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining [name]'s life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.❞
  • ❝Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.❞
  • ❝You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!❞
  • ❝See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, [name], for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with [name], [name]? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.❞
  • ❝And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!❞
  • ❝That is so fetch!❞
  • ❝Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!❞
  • ❝God! I am so sorry [name]. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!❞
  • ❝[Name], I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.❞
  • ❝And none for [name], bye!❞
  • ❝Get in loser, we're going shopping.❞
  • ❝Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.❞
  • ❝I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...❞
  • ❝She doesn't even go here!❞
  • ❝Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?❞
  • ❝I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.❞
  • ❝I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.❞
  • ❝Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.❞
  • ❝One time she met John Stamos on a plane... And he told her she was pretty.❞
  • ❝One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.❞
  • ❝Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?❞
  • ❝Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.❞
  • ❝Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!❞
  • ❝[Name] had cracked.❞
  • ❝Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!❞
  • ❝Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!❞
  • ❝There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!❞
  • ❝I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.❞
  • ❝I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.❞
  • ❝Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?❞
  • ❝I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD [name] you're so stupid!❞
  • ❝It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.❞
  • ❝That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.❞
  • ❝She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.❞
  • ❝That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.❞
  • ❝She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.❞
  • ❝And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.❞
  • ❝Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!❞
  • ❝At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.❞
  • ❝Is butter a carb?❞
  • ❝You can't sit with us!❞
  • ❝Fine! You can walk home, bitches.❞
  • ❝And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.❞
  • ❝My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.❞
  • ❝I love her. She's like a Martian!❞
  • ❝Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?❞
  • ❝She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?❞
  • ❝I like invented her, you know what I mean?❞
  • ❝I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.❞
  • ❝Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.❞
  • ❝Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.❞
  • ❝Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.❞
  • ❝Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!❞
  • ❝I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.❞
  • ❝Your face smells like peppermint!❞
  • ❝Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.❞
  • ❝You're a regulation hottie.❞
  • ❝We do not have a clique problem at this school.❞
  • ❝But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".❞
  • ❝I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!❞
  • ❝Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.❞
  • ❝I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!❞
  • ❝You smell like a baby prostitute.❞
  • ❝Is your muffin buttered?❞
  • ❝Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?❞
  • ❝Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.❞
  • ❝Finally, Girl World was at peace.❞
  • ❝Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.❞
  • ❝Damn, Africa, what happened?❞
  • ❝I saw [name] wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.❞
  • ❝Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?❞
  • ❝Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.❞
  • ❝Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.❞
  • ❝Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.❞
  • ❝Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?❞
  • ❝I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.❞
  • ❝I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.❞
  • ❝Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.❞
  • ❝Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?❞
  • ❝What are marijuana tablets?❞
  • ❝You cannot do that. That is social suicide. Damn! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.❞
  • ❝Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.❞
  • ❝Everyone in Africa knows Swedish.❞
  • ❝Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!❞
  • ❝I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.❞
  • ❝Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!❞
  • ❝And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.❞
  • ❝She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.❞
  • ❝I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.❞
  • ❝Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through!❞
  • ❝I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.❞
  • ❝You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.❞
  • ❝There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.❞
  • ❝Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.❞
  • ❝The limit does not exist!❞
  • ❝I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.❞
  • ❝It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.❞
  • ❝She's fabulous, but she's evil.❞
  • ❝So, are you gonna send any candy canes?❞
  • ❝No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.❞
  • ❝'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.❞
  • ❝Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.❞
  • ❝Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!❞
  • ❝Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute... Actual vomit.❞
  • ❝Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.❞
  • ❝I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?❞
  • ❝Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.❞
  • ❝Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?❞
  • ❝Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.❞
  • ❝I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.❞
signs as luke hemmings quotes
  • Aries: "woken by extreme hunger"
  • Taurus: "chocolate milk in the shower, fuck it"
  • Cancer: "i'm tired and hungry :("
  • Leo: "hey honey pies"
  • Virgo: "one day i'll be cool :( haha"
  • Libra: "bad hair day, also known as steal calum's beanie day
  • Scorpio: "5sos are trash !"
  • Sagittarius: "find something that makes you happy and don't let anyone take it away from you :-)"
  • Capricorn: "i want to eat michael's hair"
  • Aquarius: "i just spit chocolate on my nipple"
  • Pisces: "i have a love hate relationship with pants"
cr1tikal sentence meme: mr. president edition
  • "Don't worry, I was raised to fuck!"
  • "Don't worry, I'll keep the crowd entertained."
  • "How's it goin', pussies?!"
  • "Really sold out crowd here. Fuckin' jam packed."
  • "I am the wiener cleaner! The meaner wiener! The greener wiener!"
  • "Wow, what the fuck is happening?"
  • "It's very windy in here. Either that, or Eleven thinks I'm the Demagorgon and is sending me for a wild ride."
  • "To master the Matrix, Neo, you must first master hopscotch."
  • "This looks like a fucking Precog from the movie Minority Report."
  • "Get down, someone's got a laser pointer!"
  • "Check it out, I'm a dog! Give me Scooby Snacks!"
  • "Actually more like a Chupacabra. Or the girl from the Grudge movies."
  • "P-O-T-U-S! He has nipples on his chest!"
  • "Don't worry, I got you covered this time! Syke."
  • "I'm giving the crowd what they want. I'm giving them a good show."
  • "Holy shit. This bodyguard's tough as nails."
  • "Unfortunately I'm probably deaf over there now but that's neither EAR nor there!"
  • "Looks like I'm just gonna have to take all this money. For evidence, of course."
  • "I was born with glass bones and paper skin."
  • "Damn, really blasted myself off that time. To infinity and beyond."
  • "He doesn't even need bodyguards. This man's the bullet whisperer."
  • "Did he come in his pants?"
  • "Sometimes a man comes, sometimes he doesn't come. That is the way of nature."
  • "It's like a fucking Foo Fighters concert with all these fireworks."
  • "His head exploded like a Lego."
  • "CPR. Don't worry, I'm certified."
  • "No, I'm just eating his body."
  • "There was nothing anyone could have done. I might as well get some nutrients out of this."
  • "I'm clearly just keeping the organs fresh. By eating them."
  • "I just saved this poor man from almost getting crushed by a stack of money."
  • "I'm a true hero."
  • "Ass tastes so good you wanna go back for seconds."
  • "This is not a drill. We're at Def-cock Two."
  • "I'm still the champion of justice."
mbti types as ron swanson quotes
  • istp: i think it's pointless for people to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.
  • estp: i'm a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
  • istj: i once worked with a man for three years and never got to know his name. best friend i ever had.
  • estj: give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. he's a grown man. fishing's not that hard.
  • isfj: crying: acceptable at funerals and the grand canyon.
  • esfj: when people get a little too chummy with me, i like to call them by the wrong name to let them know i don't really care about them.
  • isfp: encapsulate the spirit of melancholy? easy. boom, a sad desk. boom, a sad wall. it's art. anything is anything.
  • esfp: fishing relaxes me. it's like yoga, except i still get to kill something.
  • intp: it's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples.
  • entp: i am not a sore loser. it's just that i prefer to win, and when i don't, i get furious.
  • intj: don't half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.
  • entj: the whole thing is a scam. birthdays were invented by hallmark to sell cards.
  • infp: honor: if you need it defined, you don't have it.
  • enfp: if you want to experience other "cultures", use an atlas or a ham radio.
  • infj: i'll do anything. i'll watch a foreign film! i'll talk to a man with a ponytail!
  • enfj: leslie has a lot of qualities i find horrifying, but the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
The Signs As Quotes From 10 Things I Hate About You
  • Aries: Patrick// What is it with this chick? She have beer-flavored nipples?
  • Taurus: Chastity// I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?
  • Gemini: Bianca// Has the fact that you're a complete psycho managed to escape your attention?
  • Cancer: Kat// Am I that transparent? I want you I need you oh baby oh baby.
  • Leo: Bianca// You're asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?
  • Virgo: Cameron// Just cause you're beautiful, that doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter.
  • Libra: Bianca// There's a difference between like and love. Because I like my Skechers but I love my Prada back pack.
  • Scorpio: Kat// Remove head from sphincter, then drive!
  • Sagittarius: Kat// I dazzled him with my... wits.
  • Capricorn: Kat// Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist ho squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.
  • Aquarius: Patrick// Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?
  • Pisces: Michael// I have a dick on my face don't I?
the signs as chandler bing quotes
  • Aries: Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
  • Taurus: I'm glad we're having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals before I eat.
  • Gemini: I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
  • Cancer: [in bubble bath with candles] I've had a very long, hard day.
  • Leo: Get out of my chair, dillhole.
  • Virgo: I don't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
  • Libra: I'm not "blah", I am a hoot!
  • Scorpio: We swallow our feelings. Even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?
  • Sagittarius: I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day.
  • Capricorn: So it seems like the internet thing is here to stay, huh?
  • Aquarius: Why yes Ross. Pressing my third nipple, it opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
  • Pisces: I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

apanoplyofsong  asked:

okay but: fake dating, or secret dating? (I mean, Bellarke, but I'm not at all offended if you don't particularly want to write a drabble this is just thinking about two sources of delight for me tbh)

“We should tell them,” Clarke mumbles into his chest. 

It’s dark out, and Bellamy can’t actually remember if they just haven’t been to bed yet, or it’s really, really early. 

He curls his arm around her tighter, pulling her on top of his chest. She ghosts her fingertips across his collarbone, circling his nipple before Bellamy reaches out with his free hand and grabs her wrist. “That tickles,” he growls playfully and moves to poke at her side.

Clarke squirms against him, letting out a barking laugh. They proceed to roll around in the bed, until the sheets fall away and Bellamy finds himself on top of Clarke, her legs falling open on either side of his thighs.

Bellamy presses his weight down on her gently, nosing at the thin tank top she’s sporting, and Clarke arches up, rolling her head to the side to grant him access. 

He drops a kiss just above her breast, and moves upwards at a torturously slow pace. 

Bellamy, she whines, wiggling below him until he finally kisses her, deep and slow and Clarke feels like she might melt into the mattress.

“When is Octavia supposed to get home?” Clarke whispers against his lips.

Bellamy groans and rolls off her, Clarke huffing in protest.

Flopping back against the pillow, Bellamy stares up at the ceiling. Clarke follows, propping herself up on an elbow to look at him. “I’m serious Bellamy, we have two options. I stay here, and let your sister find out because,  hello naked girl in my brothers bed or I high-tail it out of here before she gets home.”

Bellamy turns his head. “Why haven’t we already told her?”

Clarke frown. “I-I don’t know, we just… we kind of fell into this and then it was this before we knew what was happening.”

“And what is happening?”

Clarke tilts her head. “We’re– um, we’re us.”

Bellamy reaches for Clarke’s hand, bringing it to his lips. “Us.”

“It’s always been us, Bellamy. I think everyone saw it, we were just too stubborn and too broken to realize it ourselves. I think I didn’t want to give them all the satisfaction of being right, Miller is a smug son of a bitch.”

“This is true.”

“You’re not some dirty little secret, Bellamy,” Clarke whispers. “You’re– I just wanted you all to myself, for however long I get could you. Without everyone else, without all the bullshit.”

Bellamy kisses her knuckles. “You’ve got me.”

Clarke swallows and Bellamy tugs on her hand, pulling her back into him and they tangle themselves together. 

“We should tell them,” Clarke says again. “They are our friends.”

“Maybe we should just get new ones.”

Clarke laughs and Bellamy squeezes her tighter. Kissing the top of her head, Bellamy whispers, “If you’re ready to tell them, we tell them.”

Clarke tips her face up, resting her chin on his chest. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m in.”

Clarke kisses him, and it’s steady and it’s sure and it’s quiet. They fell into this, a natural true progression of their friendship. 

“Me too,” Clarke says against his lips. “With you, I’m all in.”

Louis loves his job. Loves the adrenaline rush before going on stage, loves meeting their fans and hearing their stories and showing them at least some part of the love he has for them, not nearly enough to give back for everything they’ve done for them over the last five years. He’ll be forever grateful for the chance he’s been given, for all the opportunities it allowed him to have. And he loves his boys, loves spending time with them, misses them like crazy when they’re apart for too long, even though they live in each other’s pockets for most of the year. But sometimes, just sometimes, it all gets a bit too much. 

Keep reading

TFLN Sentence Starters (Part 4)
  • [text] Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
  • [text] Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
  • [text] Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
  • [text] I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
  • [text] I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
  • [text] I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
  • [text] Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
  • [text] If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
  • [text] new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
  • [text] He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
  • [text] He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
  • [text] Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
  • [text] You are the jesus of drinking
  • [text] Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
  • [text] Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
  • [text] Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
  • [text] I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
  • [text] friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
  • [text] I hope my margaritas pass through security.
  • [text] Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
  • [text] Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
  • [text] woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
  • [text] just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
  • [text] Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
  • [text] They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
  • [text] The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
  • [text] Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okay with this
  • [text] For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
  • [text] I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
  • [text] I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
  • [text] Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
  • [text] Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
  • [text] Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
  • [text] Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
  • [text] Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
  • [text] its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
  • [text] I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
  • [text] Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
  • [text] I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
  • [text] but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
  • [text] The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
  • [text] Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
  • [text] I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you can see why I'm having a bad year.
  • [text] do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
  • [text] I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
  • [text] Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
  • [text] I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
  • [text] I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
  • [text] I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
  • [text] woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
  • [text] I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
  • [text] I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
  • [text] I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
  • [text] if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
  • [text] i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
  • [text] I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
  • [text] I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
  • [text] I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
  • [text] Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
  • [text] do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
  • [text] his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
  • [text] I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
  • [text] You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
hetalia characters & cr1tikal quotes
  • Italy: you've gotta be stirring my pasta.
  • Germany: did someone order the big daddy special? extra daddy?
  • Japan: leaping grasshopper, fucking fucking shit.
  • Romano: it's just a picture of spaghetti having sex
  • Prussia: this is the perfect game if you want to masturbate and still accomplish something
  • Austria: lick the clit a good amount, then sing some franz schubert to her vagina. der doppelgänger is a personal favorite and a real big hit with the ladies.
  • Also Austria: I'm about to set this piano on fire. oh yeah, just like this. B-flat minor. I'll go fuck myself.
  • Hungary: we're out of the frying pan and into the fucker
  • Switzerland: may the goat bless thy titties
  • Kugelmugel: every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not the shitter
  • America: I like my presidents the way I like my porn. Saved.
  • Also America: sorry honey, the president wants to do Jello shots off my nipples.
  • France: don't think for one second that i'm not naked
  • England: that pisses on a wizard. you don't know how to titty.
  • China: you don't wanna fuck with a man who's sipping green tea
  • Russia: you can't infiltrate an enemy's stronghold using a slingshot and a dildo
  • Spain: smooth as asscheeks.
A Wasted Saturday

It was supposed to be a drabble but got a little away from me.  Based on this post although they are in the elevator for significantly less than twelve hours because twelve hours brings you dangerously close to “needing to establish a pee corner” and nobody wants that.

Rated M, if you’re wondering. (Of course you are).

Clarke loaded the last box onto her dolly and wheeled it down the hallway to where Monty was holding the elevator for her.  Of course the firm wouldn’t hire movers, she grumbled to herself.  It’s not like I would have anything better to do than move all my files on a beautiful summer day.  She handed the dolly back to Monty just as Bellamy stepped in with an armful of boxes.  And of course he would carry his boxes to show off his goddamn arm muscles instead of using a dolly like the rest of us.  Clarke was in a foul mood thanks to the heat (apparently the air conditioning was on the fritz in the entire building the saturday they were scheduled to spend all day doing manual labor in it) and her run-in with Lexa the night before.

“You could have sent someone else to pick this up,” Clarke snapped as she handed Lexa her last box of stuff left at Clarke’s place.

“I wanted to see you,” Lexa said softly.

For a moment, Clarke’s resolve wavered.  She’d loved Lexa once–she really, really had.  And they’d tried to make it work, but in the end they were just too different.  Clarke had spent too long trying to get Lexa to really open up and now it was too little, too late.  And three months after their breakup she was finally feeling like herself again, so she just bid Lexa goodbye and shut the door.

Most of the elevator was packed with boxes stacked as high as Clarke when Bellamy squeezed past her.  “Level seven, princess,” he grinned.

Clarke mashed the button and glowered at him.  “I know,” she spat.  She couldn’t exactly forget that they worked on the same floor–he made himself impossible to miss, really.

The elevator groaned to life but jerked to a stop a few floors up that sent Clarke careening into Bellamy.  His hands went to her waist to steady her and she shrugged them off the second she caught her balance.  The lights flickered and stayed on.  “What the fuck?” She grumbled aloud and pressed the level seven button again to no avail.  She tried the door open button and even the door close button (why not?) but nothing happened.

“Move over,” Bellamy ordered and shouldered past her to repeat her process, although he threw in hitting a few other floors as well.  “Looks like were stuck,” he announced.

“Really?  I hadn’t noticed,” Clarke replied with a raised eyebrow.  His navy t-shirt stretched across his shoulders and his dark curls were haphazardly mussed.  If he wasn’t so insufferable, he’d be handsome, her brain commented without her permission.

Keep reading

#freethenipple is for a cause I do agree with. #freethenipple is about body positivity and desexualization, however most people when trying to support the cause really lose themselves and the point. When you’re a gorgeous white girl with perfect tits and you’re posting photos of you and you’re other hot friends topless, obviously people are going to support you because, well, you’re hot and your shirtless. But if a woman who is “not attractive” according to the media and social constructs, the same people who were supporting the topless chicks will most likely shame and shove these girls back into the dark, after they themselves were rooting “yes free the nipple!”
All the while most teenage boys who are the ones who really need to be understanding this concept the most, will not understand, intemperate them as sexualized, and root along with it because why wouldn’t most straight teenage boys want to see more then their hot peers of the opposite genders boobs?
I understand why this movement on Instagram became popular, but there are many other ways to support these causes without using their body, or making other women and girls feel helpless on the sidelines. To get to a place where societies ready for a movement like free the nipple, society needs to be a LOT more body positive first for it to actually be productive instead of just feeding men exactly what most of them are only interested in you for; your body.

anonymous asked:

I have a question because I genuinely don't understand. Why is it so bad that Instagram blocks your nipples like I get the whole equality thing because boys can show their pecks even though they don't have real boobs and all but idk I guess I'm just quite conservative and don't believe anyone or any gender needs to flaunt and show things even if it's not sexual or anything

Hey anon! Thanks for showing genuine curiosity, wanting to know more, and most of all asking in such a nice way.

Believe it or not, I’m actually a pretty ‘conservative’ person myself. The #freethenipple movement isn’t a sexual thing, but more striving for equality, as you noted. The focus isn’t really about nipples so much, but more the way make and female bodies are treated by society.

Males are allowed to have practically their entire naked body exposed in public, whereas girls are chastised for having visible bra straps at school, or wearing a low cut top at night time (and if she is attacked, molested or raped, she was asking for it because a portion of her breasts/legs were showing).

Female bodies are treated like a commodity, like a purchasable item or play thing. Porn and nudity is everywhere and women are used to market products with their sexuality, but women are not allowed to take control of their own sexuality, OR even be free within their bodies to the same degree men are.

I’m a white woman living in a western culture and attended very progressive schools (my high school essentially encouraged us to use our fashion and appearance as a form of expression), so I’m still afforded far more privilege than other women worldwide, but if I were to go to the beach on a hot day with one of my male friends, he could (and would) be freely topless without second thought, whereas I would be asked to cover up or leave.

Actually, the perfect example would be my hiking trip with friends - all the guys we were with were topless, and you can find millions of photos of males out in nature on a hot day with their shirts off, but the fact that we took ours off was immediately a political statement, a defiance of societal norms and deliberate sexual act. In reality, we just want the same treatment and standards that men are afforded.

Both males and females have breasts. (Most) women’s are larger and serve an actual function - providing food for our children - and yet must be kept hidden away, even when serving that function!

Society teaches us that a girl exposing her chest is causing trouble - either being sexually promiscuous, or creating a distraction for males. When girls are sent home from school because their bra is showing (all the while allowing boys butts to hang out of their jeans), it sends the message that it is inherently sexual, that she is a sexual object for boys (or male teachers) to look at, and that those things are more important than her education.

We just want to be free, to feel safe, in our own bodies, to the same degree that men are able to.

anonymous asked:

😏 Don't you ever just look at Youngjae's nipples through his clothing and want to pinch them?

OMMMMGGGGG  ASJDFKAJSDF as much as i want to throw holy water on you- i legit think he’s self-conscious about it, because he slouches all the time- maybe his chest is the main reason (as opposed to thinking he lacks self confidence). 

the members also probably playfully tease him about it, therefore he now has a reflex of covering his chest.

i mean-

(he ain’t the only victim, but he’s probably the main one cause he reacts so strongly that they find it funny)

anonymous asked:

I came home from school to say this.. I sexually Identify as a bosom. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of jiggling around when walking down stairs. People say to me that being in a bra is a disgusting habit and I'm retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install bosoms on my thumbs and 100 nipples on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "bosom" and respect my right to jiggle. Thank you for being so understanding.

I’m fuckin blocking u wtf

calidotheprophet  asked:

Hi, I feel superconflicted, cause like, on one hand, I get the whole free the nipple thing, cause it helps stop the slutshaming which is super good, but on the other hand I don't want to see anyone's nipple, or ass, or genitals, cause I'm prude and asexual, so everytime I do see either of them I kinda look away or scroll past it and I don't know, maybe that's internalized misogony, and I don't mean it like that, but I'm thinking what if it is, and I should just look at it anyway

A few thoughts:

Nipples shouldn’t be compared to genitals. Seeing a flash of someone’s nipple while breastfeeding, for instance, is not at all like seeing someone without their underwear on. 

You’re not a prude for not wanting to see someone’s naked or partially naked body. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves what they’re comfortable with at any given time. 

That said, it would be rude to ask a parent breastfeeding their child to stop just because you’re uncomfortable with how their baby is fed. There is nothing sexual about breastfeeding an infant, and if someone views it that way it’s because of what they are bringing to the situation, not the situation itself. 

When we’re not talking about breastfeeding, but rather freeing the nipple in order to break down sexist stereotypes about typically female bodies and the sexualization of typically female bodies, our discomfort may partially be internalized misogyny. The voice that tells us that women are sluts for baring their chests the way that men do and that being topless is an inherently sexual act. I think it’s important to address and modify that way of thinking, and seeing non-sexual images of breasts of people of all genders is one way of doing that, but it’s not the only way. 

Don’t feel like you have to or that you should look at images that make you uncomfortable. Try to analyse why you feel that way, but don’t feel bad for being uncomfortable with nudity. 

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry, but I'm ftm and your recent surgery looks like top surgery (double incision with nipple graft)?!?! And you seem really happy and I'm so happy for you but thank you, because for a while I thought it was ONLY for trans guys but I don't know, you're just inspiring me right now. Thank you!!!! (Sorry if this is confusing, I'm just really excited!)

My surgery was more or less a top surgery with some extra steps.

They fixed up and grafted my nipples but they also removed the excess skin on my upper back so my scar kind of wraps around.

Also I just wanted to say thank you for all of the ftm people who have showed so much support and offered tips on making the recovery easier

anonymous asked:

Hey, I have been looking through your blog and find it very interesting I was just wondering if you as a feminist are into freeing the nipple and if it was enforced would you walk around topless, just curious because I have a friend who is all for it and would 100% do it. but I don't think that I ever would personally even though I am all for feminism - does not wanting to do that not make me a feminist? Thanks :) love your blog

I do support the free the nipple campaign. Whether or not I would personally walk around topless isn’t something I have really thought about, but I believe that is men can walk around without theirs, than people with breasts should also be able to. Thanks for the question!

-The Daily Feminist 

bestfriend!michael who you’ve known forever and who you go to for advice on virtually anything which is why it’s not weird at all when you send him a bunch of pictures of your boobs because you just got your nipples pierced and want to know which picture you should post on tumblr. and he gives you some feedback on each of the pictures before offering his final opinion but a few months later when you’re on his phone you see that he’s got a few of the pictures saved in his camera roll and when you asked him about he just shrugs and says “what? you’ve got nice boobs” before turning back to his game.