i don't usually do this is it good

an open letter to my body:

dear eyes,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry for thinking that the deep brown curious hue of your essence was every anything less than magical.
i’m sorry that my entire life your every cell has worked to let me see the beauty in the world, and all I’ve ever done is put you down.
and they say that you never know how beautiful brown eyes are until you’ve loved someone who has them,
but I should’ve loved myself first.
and for that I am sorry.

dear hair,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry for every time I resented the way you refuse to stay put, for believing that the best way to love you was to tame you.
i’m sorry for every time I drew hatred from your tangled tendencies, for every time I wanted to chop you down with an axe simply so that you were out of the way.
you are the part of me that dances in the wind, the part of me that grows fiercely and unapologetically.
and they say that if you love something you should leave it wild.
i’m sorry for not leaving you wild.

dear breasts,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry because you and I have fought a long, hard battle to get to where we are today.
i’m sorry for all the times I wished you were bigger, smaller, less saggy, more perky, more even, less loud.
you are the very essence of my womanhood, something that is fierce and tender and strong and brave and everything I take pride in.
i’m so sorry I ever treated you like anything less.

dear shoulders,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry that I hid you behind long sleeves and shame for all these years.
i’m sorry that something as small and insignificant as acne could make me forget your worth.
i’m sorry for every time i stood with you hunched over instead of standing tall with pride, because the scars that you carry are constellations,
and you are as big and ethereal as the sky.

dear thighs,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry for believing that you carried too much weight, that you were ever too large to be beautiful or sexy or wanted.
you are a mountain landscape,
protecting the valley inside with all your might and standing strong in the face of hurricanes.
you are so much more than I ever gave you credit for, and I should have wanted you all along.

dear feet,
i’m sorry.
i’m sorry for thinking you are anything less than resilient.
you have carried me to every point in my life, every up and down.
you have picked me up from every failure and the depths of hell itself.
you have never given up, even when I thought that I might.
you have stepped on glass and walked through fire to get me to where I am today, and I am forever grateful.

dear tummy,
I am so, so sorry.
i am sorry and ashamed for all the nights I cried myself to sleep because I thought you were not good enough,
I am sorry for every time I compared you, beat you down, sucked you in, tried to hide you.
I am sorry for every single time I even considered starving you.
you are where I felt the butterflies of my first love.
you expand when my voice needs to be heard.
you are the powerhouse that keeps me going, and I have treated you so, so, cruelly.
i’m sorry.

dear voice,
i am sorry.
i am sorry for all the times I let myself buy into the preconceived notion that you are not worth listening to.
i am sorry for every time i silenced you instead of letting you speak.
i am sorry for not singing more, speaking louder, yelling, screaming.
I am sorry that I ever thought I needed to hide you under my curtain of my fear of not being accepted.
you are powerful, and brave, and worth listening to.
you do not deserve to be caged, and I am sorry.

dear body,
i am sorry.
your every cell, every second of every minute of every day goes into keeping me alive.
you have loved me so well and so deeply, and I have been so blind to your worth.


I will never be able to repay you,

but I will start by choosing to love you.

Guide to Borderline
  • How to figure out what a borderline means in texts;
  • Nevermind, it is not important: It really is important as fuck but I am afraid that you are not gonna get it and I won't be able to explain.
  • x
  • Ok. : I am pissed off to the point of one more wrong text and you are out of my life so quick that you are not even gonna notice it for a week.
  • x
  • Do you really think so?: Stop joking and tell me what you really think in honesty this is important.
  • x
  • I am fine: I feel shit like usual but to explain you that I usually dont feel good so that is my default setting is gonna take shit ton of time so I am lying.
  • x
  • No I am not mad, just a little hurt: I cried my eyes out and probably still crying and blaming myself for everything even though you are the asshole.
  • x
  • You don't have to: I would love it if you do the thing but I am scared that you secretly don't want to do it so I am giving you an escape. But please don't take it I will get sad.
how I describe the signs in men and women
  • Aries Men: Funny as fuck and can hold a conversation, make really good friends too. Also have a secret kind side.
  • Aries Women: Really chill, give little to no fucks at the same time tho. LOVE IS A GAME LMAO. Again, make amazing friends.
  • Taurus Men: Can be funny and entertaining, but you mustn't get close to them it's not big and it's not clever.
  • Taurus Women: usually bitchy as fuck. Don't really have a place in my heart for yall.
  • Gemini Men: Either love or hate them. Big ego. Will argue their side they don't care about how you feel. Fun tho.
  • Gemini Women: dramatic and will be offended if you disrespect them but you will not ruin them. Exposing Queens and they will ruin YOU.
  • Cancer Men: hidden emotions. Like to be happy and make you happy too. Can be shady if necessary.
  • Cancer Women: really kind people and are fun to be around. Very caring and usually dog people.
  • Leo Men: Omf don't even bother because they think they're just superior to you by default though despite the superiority complex they're really funny dudes and are great at parties.
  • Leo Women: They sing everywhere and anywhere. They can be annoying and bitchy sometimes but still a ride or die bitch. Loyal as fuck and will pull out at all the stops for you.
  • Virgo Men: Perfectionist fuckboys, a deadly duo that will break your heart. Clever people. May seem a bit awkward.
  • Virgo Women: Shady hoes that think they're invisible. Clever and introverted sometimes though. Can also be awkward to be around.
  • Libra Men: Sociable, funny and laid back very chill people to hang around with. A libra is never cocky or rude unless given a good reason. Generally don't like conflict.
  • Libra Women: Popular but don't seem to realise it! Naturally stylish and kind. May seem fake but it's only because they will lie to you in order to keep you happy.
  • Scorpio Men: Have an intimidating attractiveness to them. Calm and reserved. Enjoy being with one person that means a lot to them.
  • Scorpio Women: Seems vindictive and shady. However a good secret keeper. Knows everything about everyone and is sisterly to their friends.
  • Sagittarius Men: Natural leadership which is intimidating yet exciting They like to mess and joke around because they're children at heart but they are passionate fire signs at the same time and are good at most things they do.
  • Sagittarius Women: Fun and sassy. They are confident and encourage others around them to be too! Loves to travel and see different things and meet different people.
  • Capricorn Men: Come off as stern and serious though they do like to relax and gave fun too. They dislike conflict but are never afraid of it. Rational people usually.
  • Capricorn Women: Fierce and confident. They inspire themselves and others, they are devoted and willing to work and put in effort for something they want.
  • Aquarius Men: Funny in their own way and good friends, though you do not get close to them and you rarely see their "otherside" they can be egotistical. Cand be ICE COLD.
  • Aquarius Women: Cheerful and fun. Chilled people who like to think. They usually prioritize themselves over others but this is rarely out of selfishness and usually just because they are unaware that they do this.
  • Pisces Men: WasteYourTime2k17. In their minds, they can do no wrong. And when they do they know it but will not admit it. Can be fuckboys but can also be v interesting to talk to.
  • Pisces Women: Laughs all the way until something goes wrong for them then OH SHIT they are usually the victims in their head. They are very good friends and will be loyal to you and don't ruin things for people.

trees shivering, the moon glimmering, there’s something strange, about how reality momentarily breaks, when the night sails past the midway, in the ocean of dark blue haze

Where did all those feelings go? People spend their whole lives looking for love. Poems and songs and entire novels are written about it. But how can you trust something that can end as suddenly as it begins?
—  Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star

anonymous asked:

Hello!! This may be a weird question but I too am heavily interested in birds but unlike you, I cannot draw them as well. :,^( If it's not too much work (if it is just ignore this, i don't mind), do you know of any good references or sources to learn more about birds from facts to anatomy? I know this is a pretty wide range so again, I totally understand if you can't! I just thought it was worth an ask. Thank you so much!!

i don’t really have any specific reference places but here’s some things i do. 

 drawing birds is arguably one of the hardest animals because of their feathers. unlike fat and fur that folds to the body in a way that’s usually readable to whats underneath, feathers sort of create a ‘bubble’ around the body which makes a lot of body parts indistinguishable to where one ends and another begins. so its important to always think in terms of skeletal anatomy:

birds are dinosaurs and therefore reptiles. looking at birds this way, it’s a lot easier to see their evolution.

with that in mind, say we wanna draw this dude. owls are pretty tough because their outward appearances are so deceiving.

we’ve got a neutral pose, feathers are generously surrounding most of the body so its no sweat, we don’t really know whats going on. but we can hide it. but now we want to make him move and look cool. without really knowing whats going on we might get stuck on something like this:

its always kind of stiff and frustratingly unrealistic. mostly this is because we just don’t have enough knowledge of the skeletal structure to work with. eyeballing anatomy on our first drawing might get something like the left, more than anything people aren’t generous enough with leginess of birds:

 owls do indeed have regular proportioned necks with the rest of their bodies. and their skulls are like that of any other stereotypical raptor under their mask of feathers (minus their freaky eye sockets and ears)) they can open their mouths wide just like a hawk or eagle can. it’s important to remember that birds with large wingspans do not magically lose their length when hidden. they are just conveniently folded in against their bodies.

knowing this we can try again. suddenly things seem to click in place more and have a believable-ness to them.

the rule of thumb for most birds is they have less body mass and more leg/neck than one thinks. they are lanky dinosaurs.

when we are looking at this:

we are seeing this:

with that rule, drawing birds becomes a lot less confusing. with practice you might just eyeball their feathered appearances but if not, going back to skeletal/muscle structure gives the base you need to draw convincing birds.

when it comes to specific body parts, the most challenging part for me personally have always been feet. birds with super twiggy feet are easier because one line per toe is easy to get away with. but when you get to birds with meatier feet, especially raptors, it gets difficult. my way of getting around this is to think of the actual ‘feet’ last. drawing each separate toe first gets confusing because you just find yourself trying to get them to each fit evenly together at the base of the foot. one always seems kind of skinnier or fatter than the others in my experiences, and by the time you correct it the gesture gets muddled and lost.

so i just skip that part until later, i draw talon first.

perhaps this is very unorthodox, but just like artists might square in the hands first on a human before working out the arms, i square in the talons to know where i want them before worrying how they go on exactly.

that way we have a clear gesture captured, and in my experience it is much more readable.

thats’ really all i can think of now in terms of my techniques, i hope this helps :V

“I could tease you a little…like this.”

The sauce train has reached the finale that is V Sunday on MM Valentine’s Week, the event hosted by @mysticmessimagines​! WE MADE IT! OMGOSH I can go to bed now and sleep for a week XD Thank you so much for hosting this event. Originally I was only going to participate on the first day but then I thought, ‘Why not do all the days?? It would be good practice.” And it was. I felt myself improve a lot and I can now draw faster (a week ago something like this would take me a whole day but I even managed to do 3 crack posts, one of them being the infamous V chain lolol, as well as this V drawing) so I’m pretty proud of myself ^-^

Thank you everyone for liking, sharing and commenting in the tags about my art :3 It means a lot to me and I’m glad you enjoyed it. I have other stuff planned for drawing but first I’mma take a nice break with Baehee (on her route atm <3)

Much love, D.Pigeon

anonymous asked:

Hey! Regarding the sixpenceee fiasco I've been reading her posts and stories for like years and it might just be because I usually skim but I don't recall any specific stories that target mental illness. Do you have any clear examples??? Rly shocked tbh bc I used to love her

I’ve been seeing the stuff go around for a couple of years now and I admit at first I didn’t pay it much attention, which is a shame because a lot of those call out posts had good links that are now all gone because of people deleting. As a result, a lot of the initial stuff that made me start thinking more critically about sixpenceee’s posts have been deleted. I’ve spent the last few days trying to source them again via people’s new urls and internet archives, but literally 90% of the links are gone.

So, I’ve done a bit of digging of my own, and I’ve managed to find some still live posts that I think illustrate what I’m saying a bit better. I’ve screencapped them all and will be hosting the images myself independently of a specific post, so the links should always work.

I’m specifically focusing on the content of this ask here, with posts that use mental illness as entertainment, or treat it in the same way as regular “creepy” (i.e. horror) content.

  • The case of Margaret Schilling is a post about a woman in a psychiatric hospital who died after getting lost in the building, and her body wasn’t found for many weeks. There is a short paragraph at the end about how the hospital is apparently haunted by Margaret now, but the majority of the post focuses on her being mentally ill and the suffering she must have felt being lost and dying of cold and exposure. There’s also a picture of the stain her decomposing body left, so beware of that. It’s tagged #paranormal.
  • The Mentally Ill Man Who Cured Himself With a Gun is a post about a man with serious OCD who tried to kill himself by shooing himself in the head, resulting in brain damage that “cured” his OCD. The photo is of a man with a gun to his head, if that will bother you. It’s tagged as a science post.
  • Short Creepy Story is a story from Reddit where the “creepy” event is a schizophrenic woman acting strangely because of her hallucinations. That’s it. Dude’s mum is schizophrenic and he goes upstairs to find her in the bathtub thinking she’s in The Little Mermaid. The title is “short creepy story” so like, yeah.
  • The Child Star is a story from Reddit which focuses on children being sexually abused and not understanding what’s going on, and the police interviews with one of the grown up children who is now clearly suffering from mental illness thanks to the trauma. (Full story)
  • The Suicide Orphan is a story from Reddit which focuses on an orphan that drives people insane and results in them committing suicide, and I know that this isn’t the only example where sixpenceee posts things that use suicide as the main element of a horror story, which is exploitative and also I personally think it’s inappropriate to use something that comes as a result of serious suffering and imply that it was the creepy ghosts that did it. (Full story)
  • “Psychopath” post includes a link to a quiz where you can see where you “fit in on the psychopath sprectrum”. I’ve seen people mention her using outdated terms in her posts and so this is here as proof that it does happen, and also because “do you have a severe personality disorder?” is a bit of a cheap entertainment trick in my opinion.
  • Karin Catherine Waldegrave is a post about a woman who replies incessantly to her own posts on social media, believing she is the target of a conspiracy. It’s clear she’s likely mentally ill. The post is tagged #creepy.
  • Chinese Water Torture is a post about the torture method that drives victims to extreme stress-related mental instability, and is here both because of that and because the fact that it’s tagged #creepy, which doesn’t seem appropriate.
  • The Edmonton Train attack video shows someone apparently in an altered state of mind through drugs or mental illness (or both) attacking someone on a train. She gifed a video which has since been deleted but a different video of the attack can be found on Youtube, and described it as “insane”.
  • Drawings of a Young Schizophrenic Boy is exactly what it says – a bunch of drawings from a young boy suffering from schizophrenia. The boy is quite obviously distressed by his hallucinations but the post is treated like the other paranormal posts, designed to shock and scare. The post is also tagged #creepy, which is inappropriate. (Close up of caption and tag, as the image is difficult to read)
  • Made By a Paranoid Schizophrenic Patient is another drawing by a person suffering from schizophrenia, also tagged #creepy, and this one with a self-promo in the caption.

I also found a post where sixpenceee addresses the claims of ableism. She says she agrees on the points made about films and stories portraying the mentally ill/physically disabled as “scary”, and that she tries to avoid using words like “insane”. She also asks people to differentiate between her paranormal/creepy posts and her scientific posts. However, she still continues to frequently refer to things as “insane”, both as descriptors and to self-promote her blog (1, 2, 3).

This covers the things I’ve seen people claim she does, but if anyone has any other links (especially things saved from earlier posts like this) feel free to add on.

4

So I played the demo of UnderTale and it’s such a cute game :o 

I haven’t been in the best mood so I made this to remind all of you (and myself) that you are filled with determination

Stay Determined~

5

some more ffxv doodles…….

the first ones are me being cranky that Luna never got to go camping. I remember playing the game for the first time and naively thinking she might get to hang out in the party as a guest character later but I WAS A FOOL anyway I feel cheated

also some sad boys and a big fish

anonymous asked:

You ever think that maybe beating the shit out of people you disagree with and destroying public property is doing more harm than good? Like, here's a crazy thought, maybe not everyone who goes to Trump rallies and wears a make america great again hat are "Fascist Nazis" and you're actually in the wrong? I don't know if you've ever watched a movie before, but the bad guys are usually the ones who wear black and red.

“You ever think that maybe beating the shit out of people you disagree with and destroying public property is doing more harm than good?“

Yeah, Anon, that is 100% a totally accurate depiction of anti-fascism.  The 4000+ posts on this blog have been about nothing but property destruction and beating people up.  You should write a book & go on the lecture circuit with your astute observations.  Along with your suggestions about what people should do about the fascist shits trying to publicly organize pogroms - OH WAIT YOU HAVE NO CREDIBLE IDEAS!!!  Oh well.  

“Like, here’s a crazy thought, maybe not everyone who goes to Trump rallies and wears a make america great again hat are “Fascist Nazis” and you’re actually in the wrong?“

Hmm.  Let’s see.

So here’s white supremacist leader and convicted felon Nathan Damigo punching a woman in at a Trump rally.  Nathan did five years for a hate crime against a cab driver that he targeted because the cabbie “looked Iraqi” and spent much of his prison time in white supremacist prison gangs.   Once released, he became the literal poster boy for the neo-nazi National Youth Front and the white supremacist but spelling-challenged Identity Evropa. How could we possibly mistake him for a nazi, right?  

Oh look!  Isn’t that Kyle “Based Stickman” Chapman getting arrested at a Trump rally for assault?  Not his first run-in with the law, given that he’s also a convicted felon with a rap sheet that includes robbery, theft, and unlawful possession of a shotgun.  Certainly anyone with that kind of criminal history who’s now facing five new felony charges wouldn’t then decide to wander through town picking fights with black skateboarders, right?  Maybe he should’ve stayed home and checked out the neo-nazi Facebook pages he devotedly follows instead.  Totally not a nazi himself, though, obvs!

Maybe you’re referring to ordinarily, totally-not-a-nazi common folk like MAGA hat-wearing, Trump rally-attending Matthew Heimbach, pictured here assaulting a black woman at a Trump rally (but of course that doesn’t count as beating people you disagree with or violating someone’s free speech rights with violence, right Anon?).  Hemibach’s on-record as being an anti-Semitic, anti-immigrant homophobe who believes that race-mixing should be a crime; that Mexicans living in California are a “problem,”  and that “white” people should live in their own ethnically-segregated state.  When he’s not at Trump rallies he likes to go to things like Aryan Terror Brigade shows, KKK rallies, and National Socialist Movement gatherings.  

Seems like if it walks like a nazi and makes noises like a nazi, it’s probably a nazi, Anon.  

“I don’t know if you’ve ever watched a movie before, but the bad guys are usually the ones who wear black and red.“

We don’t know if you’ve ever realized that movies aren’t reality, Anon, but we’re shocked that this is something you’d point out like it was a valid and reasonable point to make.

Shocked, we are!

I thought it would be fun to put together a process of the image, since I’ve actually worked on this in a fairly structured way.

Looking at the thumbnail, I think I lost some of the dynamic feel of the image when I translated it into the sketch. I still need to work on keeping that floow and life throughout. Just gotta keep practicing!

But yeah the process is thumbnail, sketch, lineart, flats, shadows, light and final touches for me. Thumbnail is there to make sure I find an image I want to do with a composition that should work. The sketch is just basically a translation of the thumbnail into a bigger image. In the lineart I just clean the sketch and add detailing. The flats are simple enough and just add the base colour. Then I always add shadows first and then light and gradients into the shadows. The final touches in this image was colouring the lineart, creating atmospheric fog to simulate depth and adding speedlines and colour corrections where necessary.

Idk if you guys think this is helpful, but it’s fun, if nothing else, for me to break my own process down a bit ^^

Cas is twenty-six and has never been kissed. It’s never been a problem, but now his advisor is saying that his dissertation, a romance novel, is lacking a personal touch and won’t be liked by the board. With one day until it is due Cas is at wits end, but maybe his roommate, Dean, can give him a few pointers. 2.9k [AO3 Link]

“You love me?” Jo asked with wide, open eyes.

Anna nodded back timidly and tried to walk away, but Jo caught her arm before she could make her escape.

“How long? How long, Anna?” she demanded. “How long have you loved me?”

Anna may have been an angel, bright and powerful and able to smite Jo in an instant, but in that moment, the angel looked completely and utterly human. Her eyes were downcast and her lip was perched between her teeth. She looked terrified, which was beyond Jo. How could an angel of the Lord be terrified of a simple human like her?

“Ever since I pulled you from Hell,” she whispered. “When I touched your soul, it was the purest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. From that first caress of your being, I knew that I’d Fall for you, Jo. I just knew.”

“Anna…” Jo trailed off, because what the hell. How could an angel love her, a hunter? It didn’t make any sense, because angels hated hunters. The only reason Jo was topside was because she was a pawn in their games, and even though she thought Anna wasn’t like the others, she still had doubts at times. She thought that Anna was just putting up with her, that Jo’s love for the angel was unrequited.

“I should go,” Anna said as she turned on her heel. Her large, obsidian wings flew out, ready for flight.

Jo felt herself panic as Anna crouched down. She couldn’t let her angel leave, not after a confession like that one.

“No you don’t,” Jo said, reaching forward and turning Anna around. With a fire within her, Jo leaned in and

“Their lips…no. They touch one another with their mouths…no. They…uh…mack on one another for a long time…the end.” Cas pushed his laptop away and ran fingers through his hair, groaning. “This is impossible,” he muttered to himself, and brought his elbows up onto the table.

He’d rewritten the ending scene with Anna and Jo’s kiss a thousand times, but it never worked out. Professor Mills cited a lack of personal touch, and told him to base the kiss on his own experiences. “Add a little raunchiness, will ya?” she said to him with an upturned grin. He nodded and laughed along at the time, but now he was truly panicking. He was never going to finish his dissertation before tomorrow’s board presentation, and it would all be because he’s the only twenty-six year old on the planet who has never been kissed.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried before. Back in college, Cas was almost kissed a few times, the closest being when he was playing a drunken game of spin the bottle with his floormates. It landed on a girl named Meg, a feisty business major who was known for her escapades in the bedroom, but when she leaned in and tried to kiss him, he couldn’t do it. When Cas imagined his first kiss, it always was with someone he really cared about, not some girl from Edlund Hall that he barely knew.

“Yeah, wait until you find the perfect person to kiss. That’ll do you a lot of good,” Cas angrily muttered to himself as he pulled his computer back towards him. The cursor blinked back at him mockingly, and Cas carefully began typing.

“With a fire within her, Jo leaned in and grabbed Anna’s face-”

“No, no, no!” Cas cried out as he pounded on the keys. Even if he had no experience, why couldn’t he write this damn scene? Kissing was not rocket science, and he’s read enough romance novels in his life. Why can’t he just write a few lines and get it over with?

“Cas?”

He cringed when Dean’s voice hit his ears. The last thing he needed was his roommate seeing him all up in arms over this, especially since he was the one Cas had been trying to get the courage to kiss for years now. He quickly thought that if he wasn’t such a coward, then maybe he’d be able to not fail out of his dissertation.

“In my bedroom!” Cas called out, and began fruitlessly typing nonsense as Dean’s footsteps ricocheted off the hardwood floors, stopping when he reached Cas’s door.

“You okay?” Dean asked, and Cas turned around to see his friend leaning against the doorframe, lips turned up into a smirk as he toed the ground with his boot.

Perhaps it’s heightened by Cas’s troubles, but Dean looked even more handsome than usual. His jeans were rolled up at the bottom, revealing his ankles, and his white t-shirt was dirtied from his work shift at the garage. Combined with his playful gaze and his hands in his pockets, Cas felt himself blanching.

“Earth to Cas? You there, buddy?” Dean said as nodded in his direction.

Cas blinked owlishly a few times before going back to his laptop. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to finish my dissertation.”

Dean walked over to his computer and peered over Cas’s shoulder. He could feel Dean’s breath on his neck, and it took everything in him to not turn his head and close the distance between them. It would be the perfect moment to get experience-

“Wow, this sucks,” Dean snorted, and alas, the moment was broken.

Cas glared up at Dean and pushed away from his desk. “You think it’s crappy? I’m presenting this to the board tomorrow,” Cas reminded him with emphasis. “And you decide to tell me now that it’s crappy?”

Dean held up his hands and backed away into the bed. He plopped down and replied, “Crappy isn’t the right word. It’s just…lacking. Jo grabbed Anna’s face and kissed her until they broke apart tells me nothing,” he said, quoting the last thing Cas wrote down. “I want to read about what the kiss felt like for Jo, you know?”

Cas took a deep breath and took a seat next to Dean. He folded his hands in his lap and glanced out the window, then asked the question that had been on his mind all day. “What does it feel like to be kissed, Dean?”

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