i don't think you have any idea what these two have done to me

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

4

@cheshirerabit said: Shit, your teacher Bakugou idea is something I never considered but now think would be really cool. Cuz he would not stop being a hero but he wouldn’t half-ass being a teacher so it would be like how All Might attempted to hero and teach but could actually work. Plus, I’m all for Bakugou’s role model switching with time to Aizawa. 10/10 idea.

Anon said: OMG Fran now i want to see Teacher or Older Bakugou or or Bakugou with Aizawa

Bless both of you for giving me a reason to talk about this cause honestly I love this idea way more than striktly necessary - this!!! is how I like to think it would go down:

Keep reading

I believe Spencer’s twin is coming.

In this post I want to give a list of reasons why Twincer is my prime suspect as AD. I know a lot of these ‘clues’ come from interviews, but they’re still really convincing for me at least. I’ve definitely missed some of the clues from within the show because they’re not as easy to spot - we need to know for sure if Twincer is happening, then we can dig further. (The fun won’t instantly stop once the finale airs.) But for now, enjoy these, and at the end, I give my theory as to the motive.

Please note: none of this is overly new. This is just the summation of everything we’ve been talking about on my blog for the past couple months. I wanted to put all the ideas into one post, rather than 31529 mini posts scattered here and there. I will be updating this as we find more. 

  1. The famous airport scene from 715.
    We all already think it’s weird that "Spencer" asked Ezra to not tell anyone he saw her there with Wren. What’s weirder, is the fact that Wren and “Spencer” were arguing. Amongst muffle, I heard Spencer say "stop calling me that" (let me know if you heard differently). Did Wren have a slip-of-the-tongue moment and call her Spencer rather than the twin’s real name?
  2. Dr. Cochran’s story is very telling.
    We all already know the ambiguous implication that Mary had more than two babies, because Dr. Cochran said he dealt with “two of Mary’s babies”. What’s more interesting is the second baby he dealt with. The first baby (Charlotte) he gave to Jessica. He said that the second baby that he delivered was placed in family county services. This could not have been Spencer, since Spencer was delivered to Veronica within 5 minutes of birth. So, who was that second baby that was placed in family services? I believe it was Spencer’s twin. Why? Dr Cochran referred to that second baby as “underweight but tenacious” - lo and behold, the next episode, Toby calls Spencer tenacious. This was the writers foreshadowing the similarities between this second baby, and Spencer. Twins. 
  3. We all know Hanna’s ‘dream’ in 701.
    It makes no sense that Hanna was able to dream ‘Spencer’ saying the name A.D. since Hanna was kidnapped before these initials were even revealed. Perhaps Hanna was visited by Twincer; the one holding her captive.
  4. A.D. needs to stand for something. 
    Spencer’s twin could literally have the initials A.D., since we know she would be Mary Drake’s child. Her first name would start with A and the D would stand for Drake. 
  5. Brendan and Ian both confessed to being confused by the identity of A.D.
    They needed the backstory to understand it. Is that because they had no idea who has the name “Alex Drake” (for example) ?
  6. Tyler said before 7B aired that “you’ve never met AD. You kind of have. You’ll know what I mean”.
    This can be interpreted in two ways: you’ve never met Twincer but since you know Spencer, you kind of know who AD is. Or. You’ve seen Twincer over the years, but thought it was Spencer. Either way, Tyler’s comment screams twin-theory to me. This could apply to any twin theory, but in this context, I’m using it for Spencer.
  7. Ian said (0:57) that “fans will be satisfied to a point. Right when it seems it’s gonna be really great, it might do a little [downwards hand motion]”….
    That cheeky smile on Ian’s face when he said “it seems it’s gonna be really great”… what could be greater than a liar being AD? Ian could be referring to the fact that they initially show us Troian under the hoodie, making us think Spencer is AD. Then, after commercial break, they will reveal it’s just her twin, hence the “it might do a little [downwards hand motion]”. We will be satisfied to a point, he said. It’ll start off amazing by thinking it’s Spencer, oh wait, it’s another twin.
  8. Ashley said (0:14) that she didn’t even know the A.D. reveal is possible.
    Because she did not expect a second pair of twins to come along?
  9. “It’s like there are two of you living in this house. You, and you’re evil twin, and we’re not sure who’s coming down to breakfast". 
    said Veronica to Spencer in 423. Foreshadowing at it’s finest.
  10. Spencer doesn’t remember this flashback.
    Was it her twin? And oh how coincidental, that the writers tell us a time Spencer doesn’t remember, in the same scene Veronica makes the above comment about Spencer’s “evil twin”.
  11. “Where are they?”
    said Mary as she entered the Hastings house (flashback from 717). Who is they? The twins? She proceeded to say that Spencer is the only good thing she’s ever made. Maybe Mary knows Spencer’s twin is evil, and is neglecting her. 
  12. “You look very much like your sister. Almost like twins”.
    said Mary to Spencer in 701. The writers wanted us to think that Mary was talking about Spencer and Melissa, since Mary was holding a picture of the half-sisters. But, were the writers, and therefore Mary, hinting towards Twincer? Is Mary being blackmailed/forced (by Peter?) to keep quiet on Twincer, and she had a slip-of-the-tongue moment here?
  13. Marlene is very aware of the Twincer theories.
    Back in 2014 she said that Troian sent her an online fan theory regarding Spencer having a twin who is A. Marlene was blown away by it and she thought it was a very well thought out plan with detailed evidence across the series. Watch from 1:35. Whilst you may be saying “there’s NO WAY Marlene spoilt her own show’s ending in an interview!!” - I feel like she had no idea the show would go on for 7 seasons, and once they got renewed, she panicked. “Shit, we need a new Uber A. Let’s go with that brilliant fan theory Troian sent me”. She probably regrets making this interview now. You can tell her passion for Twincer in this interview. She talks so damn highly of it.
  14. Marlene has said that the person who plays A.D. had known for a while.
    We know that Marlene told Troian the entire ending of the show years in advance. “Just like I had story time with Marlene, you all now get story time with Pretty Little Liars” said Troian.
  15. The girl in the coffin in the opening has the exact same black puffy shirt as Spencer.
  16. Why does it seem that A.D. is always going after the Hastings?
    Why shoot Spencer, out of all the liars? Why demand Aria to plant the audio device in the Hastings? Why not ruin the Marin household? The jealous twin wants her ungrateful sister dead, hence the shooting, and the jealous daughter is angry she never got adopted. Too much of the story is Hastings-oriented. 
  17. “They’re all some pretty. Good. Theories.”
    Was Janel’s response to being asked about the Spencer-twin theories. (22:20)
  18. And, I’ll just leave this here. Good one @prettylittlesessions​ !
  19. “Spencer’s” weird comments in 718.
    In 718 “Spencer” says to Toby “you know what its like to be the outsider. Removed from friends and family”. What made her say this? Nothing was said or done in 718 to prompt our Spencer to say this. 
  20. Keegan said there are no more Spoby kisses in 7B.
    “I can honestly say that there is not another Spoby kiss.” Yet - there was one in 718. Either Keegan lied, or that was Spencer’s twin. (10:15)
  21. “It’s somebody you have seen.”
    says Marlene in regards to who AD is. Was she talking about the Spoby kiss in 710, which Twincer referred to in 718 when she kissed Toby again? Marlene was very careful to avoid saying “it’s someone you KNOW”. We don't “know” Twincer. But, we have seen her.
  22. “That’s not the Spencer I know”
    said Toby in 718. Writers are foreshadowing.

Setting all this aside, I want to add my theory on the backstory and motive:

  • Twincer, who’s name is A_____ Drake, was born in Radley, as Dr. Cochran told us in 7A. 
  • Twincer was raised in Radley - not because she needed to be at a psychological hospital, but as a form of daycare, because Mary was deemed an unfit mother, and also she kept Twincer a secret from Peter… he already hated her (to the point of planning her murder, later on) enough for having one baby together, imagine Peter’s reaction to having twins.
  • There, Twincer met and bonded with her sister Charlotte. Charlotte became Twincer’s only friend. (Twincer might even be Bethany, since we already know of this bond between Bethany and Charlotte, and how Bethany was drawing Charles being taken away by a monster. But for this theory, let’s just forget Bethany for a second.)
  • When Mona came to Radley and started telling Charlotte about everything she did to her sister, Charlotte and Twincer wanted to play. They wanted a turn at harassing Spencer and her friends.
  • For Charlotte, as we know, it was the feeling of finally succeeding at something in life that made the game her drug. For Twincer, it was something far darker.
  • Harassing Aria, Hanna, Emily and Alison is all about driving a wedge between the girls. Twincer wants to break up the girls. Turn them against each other. Hopefully by throwing fire at the girls, they will break up, ultimately, to ruin Spencer’s life. Again, jealousy. Twincer’s plan is backfiring because it’s exactly A’s threats that makes Spencer say “we need each other more than ever” and “always stick together”. The writers keep making the point of SPENCER being the one to make the comments about “always” sticking together. Twincer cannot break Spencer and her bitches. This is fueling Twincer’s anger. Nothing is working.
  • That’s why AD/Twincer recently shot Spencer. “If I can’t break the girls up to ruin Spencer’s life, why not just become Spencer?” Twincer shot Spencer in an attempt to assume her identity and squeeze her way into the loving friendship group that she could never crack. “These girls are so loyal to each other… they don’t even break up after even my threats. Damn, I want to be a part of this. It’s my turn to live a happy life. You had your turn Spencer.”
  • Note: I do not believe that AD has been operating since season 1. Mona’s time as A is completely independent from Charlotte and Twincer’s story. Mona started the game, and now someone is ending it, and she wants to know who. Charlotte and Twincer are their own duo; their own A-team, which stemmed as a result of Mona coming to Radley. Charlotte revealed herself - next up in the A team is Twincer, who is carrying on the game she once played with her sister. 

@thunderboltsortofapenny said: No no let’s do this! Why would steve need to be fake married. Or why would bucky need to be fake married to Steve. We need a reason. #Viper do the thing #It’ll be fun!

So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:


Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.

There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.

He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”

“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.

When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.

He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”

“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.

Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.

Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”

Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.

- - - - -

During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.

The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.

Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.

- - - - -

“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.

“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.

Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.

- - - - -

Steve’s been living in PR hell.

He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.

The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.

Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.

“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.

“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.

Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.

“WHAT?”

Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”

“Clint, he hates me…”

“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”

For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:

“He’s got a point…”

“Tony, no,” Steve whines.

“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”

Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.

The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.

The problem is that the guy hates him.

This is a really, really bad idea.

anonymous asked:

Zutarians act like Katara's romance with Aang is to the detriment of her character but somehow one with Zuko wouldn't just put her in nurturing position for an older man. I am not for Kataang but I don't think any of the show's characters would NOT put Katara in the position of a nurturer and giver. She gives too much as it is. Except perhaps Toph but Toph is twelve, confused and has parental issues. What I'm trying to ask is what does Katara gain from Zutara except acceptance.

What Katara Would Gain from Zutara

[Edited to add “Bato of the Water Tribe”! Thanks, @ adifferentcupofzutara!]

Katara would gain a partner who would help her with household duties without being asked:

Rather than someone who leaves the chores to her while he shows off for his fangirls.

Katara: Watching you show off for a bunch of girls does not sound like fun.
Aαng: Well, neither does carrying your basket.

She would gain a partner who shares parental responsibilities …

Katara: Aαng, don’t walk away from this.


Zuko: Let him go. He needs time to sort it out by himself.

And acts like a father:

Zuko: Keep in mind, these are dual swords. Two halves of a single weapon. Don’t think of them as separate, because they’re not. They’re just two different parts of the same whole.

Rather than someone who IS a parental responsibility …

And acts like her son.

Katara: What do you think, Aαng? Do I act like a mom?
Aαng: Well, I…
Katara: Stop rubbing your eye and speak clearly when you talk!

Katara: My goodness! That doesn’t sound like our Kuzon.

Katara: I’ve been training Aαng for a while now. He really responds well to a positive teaching experience. Lots of encouragement and praise. Kind words. If he’s doing something wrong, maybe a gentle nudge in the right direction.

She would gain a partner who respects her personal boundaries: 

Katara: What are you doing?!
Zuko: Keeping rocks from crushing you.
Katara: Okay, I’m not crushed. You can get off me now.

Zuko [retracts his arm so Katara can move away from him]: I’ll take that as a thank you.

 Rather than someone who transgresses them.

Katara: Aαng, I’m sorry but right now,  I’m just a little confused.


Katara: I just said that I was confused!

Someone who sees her as an ally:

Zuko: I can handle Azula.
Iroh: Not alone. You’ll need help.
Zuko: You’re right. Katara, how would you like to help me put Azula in her place?

And not a possession.

Actor Zuko: Wait.  I thought you were the Avatar’s girl.

Aαng: [nods] 

Someone who waits for the right time to talk:

Katara: You look terrible. 
Zuko: I waited out here all night.

Rather than pushing her:

Katara: Because we’re in the middle of a war and we have other things to worry about. This isn’t the right time.
Aαng:  Well, when IS the right time?

Someone who understands how much she needs her family to be there …

Katara: Dad.
Hakoda: Hi, Katara.
Katara: How are you here? What is going on?

And puts their needs over his:

Sokka: No, I’m staying. You guys go. You’ve been here long enough.
Suki: I’m not leaving without you, Sokka.
Zuko: I’m staying too.

Rather than someone who disappears when she depends on him …


Katara: He left.
Hakoda: What?
Katara: Aαng. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone. That it’s all his responsibility.
Hakoda: Maybe that’s his way of being brave.
Katara: It’s not brave. It’s selfish and stupid. We could be helping him. And I know the world needs him, but doesn’t he know how much that we need him too? How could he just leave us behind?

And puts his needs over theirs.

Sokka: This is the map to our father! You had it the whole time!? How could you?

She would not only gain a partner who, unlike her canon love interest, sympathizes with the loss of her mother:

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother and they could have done the same to your people.
Aαng:  Just because no one has seen an airbender doesn’t mean the Fire Nation killed them all. They probably escaped.
Katara: I know it’s hard to accept.
Aαng: You don’t understand, Katara. The only way to get to an airbender temple is on a flying bison, and I doubt the Fire Nation has any flying bison. Right, Appa?

Katara: I don’t?! How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through. Me personally. The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.



Zuko: I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.

Katara: But, we were too late. When we got there, the man was gone.  And so was she.
Zuko: Your Mother was a brave woman.

Katara:  I know.

But who trusts her to deal with anger and pain in HER way …

Rather than pestering her to do things HIS way.

Aαng: Katara, you sound like Jet.

Aαng: Katara, you do have a choice. Forgiveness. 

Aαng: It’s okay, because I forgive you.  That give you any ideas?

Aαng: Let your anger out and then let it go. Forgive him.

Aαng: You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing. 

Ironically, a partner who understands that some things are more important than romance!

Aαng: Katara is in danger! I have to go.

Guru Pathik: No, Aαng! By choosing attachment, you have locked the chakra! If you leave now you won’t be able to go into the Avatar State at all!

Zuko: Stop! This isn’t about you. This is about the Fire Nation.

But who would still die for her in a heartbeat …

Rather than risk her life (and everyone’s) to retain his moral purity.

Most of all, she would gain someone who sees her for who she is:

Rather than who he wants her to be.

And who doesn’t try to change her to make her better for him.

3

Alright, HERE we go! Awhile ago I had an idea for a MP100/Voltron crossover, and after mentioning it to @x-i-l-verify​ and loooots of brainstorming later, we have…*gestures vaguely* this. These are more or less screenshot redraws just to kind of get across who is who. :) More info, reasonings and musings under the cut, because well…it got long…

Keep reading

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

just your heart beating close to mine

for nurseydex week, day 2 - bed sharing

Nursey’s a clingy drunk.

Freshman year, Dex hated it. He and Nursey spend all their sober time bickering; fighting nonstop about everything from politics to slapshot form to whether ketchup belongs on scrambled eggs (Dex will never fucking admit it, but he’s actually started to find it delicious; Nursey can never know). But the second Nursey slips over the line from tipsy to drunk, he’s Dex’s best friend–hanging off Dex’s shoulders, draping his feet into Dex’s lap, hell, draping himself into Dex’s lap, two hundred pounds and then some of languid muscle. He’s sweet when he’s drunk, his chirps soft and fond instead of scathing, and his fingertips are gentle when they wander over Dex’s skin, dipping under the collar of his t-shirt, brushing against the short hair at the nape of his neck.

And Dex hated it, because morning would come, and hungover Nursey is clingy too but not in the same way, and they were always back to sharpness, and Dex would have to pretend he didn’t get home from those kegsters and throw himself into very, very cold showers.

Sophomore year, it’s a little better. They’re friends more often than they’re not, but on the flip side, that means the rest of the team actually trusts Dex to be on Nursey Patrol (“If you don’t want to kill him all the time, we can probably trust you to make sure he doesn’t drink himself into a coma,” Bitty said cheerfully the first time, shoved Nursey, already tipsy, towards him, and disappeared onto the dance floor with a solo cup in his hand).

Except Nursey Patrol, he learns, doesn’t end with the kegster. No, Nursey Patrol ends with Nursey safe in his bed, at least out of his shoes but ideally in something comfortable enough to sleep in, after a cup or two of water and two tabs of Aspirin, his phone plugged in and the door to his room locked.

(Dex does not want to know the series of events that led to this level of Patrol being in place. If he thinks about it too hard, his chest starts to hurt, and he doesn’t wanna deal with that.)

But–

“Dexy,” Nursey says, as Dex manhandles him down to his bed and then flops down next to him, hauling Nursey’s foot into his lap to start on his shoelaces, because Three Cups of Tub Juice Derek Nurse is not a Derek Nurse who has the coordination for tasks involving dexterity. Dex had said that, once, and Nursey had said “ha, Dexterity,” and giggled for ten minutes. “Dex, will you stay with me?”

(read the rest on AO3, or read more below)

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anonymous asked:

Hi! Why do you think harry chose pink for his album? I don't think it's because "its rock&roll color" is it? In the french interview he said it MEANS something to him but hmm.... do you have any idea ?

I do have an idea. My answer involves a lot of speculation, so take it with a giant grain of salt. My quotes on the Quotidien interview is taken from this transcript. The video is here.

Stepping back a bit, I do feel conflicted about speculating on a question like this. As the interviewer said, millions of people (including me) dissect Harry’s every tic under a microscope. I don’t think I could be 100% consistent under that kind of scrutiny. Yes, he is a celebrity– and the promotion of his creative work inevitably involves revealing something of his personal life, so that his audience can feel more connected to him. Allowing access to stalkers is part of this strategy– to make him seem reachable, intimate, yet iconic and larger-than-life. They are loathsome and invasive. But they are also useful.

We’ve all been discussing the Harry Styles™ mystique: Harry’s quality of never being completely known or understood, his way of saying nothing while saying something and vice versa, his desire to separate his professional from his private life. This is why audiences are obsessed with whether he “presses the Instagram button with his own finger.” We want to eliminate a layer of uncertainty in the speculation, to know that we’re one circle closer to the real Harry Styles. 

He’s mentioned that Sign of the Times has a personal meaning to him, but explains its meaning in vague, general terms. The lyrics, while seemingly personal and urgent, are not specific to a circumstance. We circle and hover, but never get closer. 

What about Cameron Crowe’s Rolling Stone article, stating in no uncertain terms that the album is “ten songs” about “women and relationships”? Here’s what Harry says

  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don’t know, I put a lot of work into this. I don’t feel like it involves around woman. It’s a lot about me and things I’ve never said before. It’s more about me.

It’s not about a woman. His first word is, “No.” Then he softens his statement by redirecting it to himself (personal life), then his hard work (professional life), things he’s never said before (a mixture of the two). In a Harry way, he circles the question back on itself– my music is about both me and my music. It’s a statement about nothing. But in saying that, it answers something– it’s not about women. 

So let’s see what he says about the color pink:

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KEITHS VLOG BROKE MY HEART SO HERES A FIC

MEGA THANKS to @hastalalaterkeith7152 for sending me quotes from the vlog so I could write this without internet and also motivating me


“I think it’s dumb.”

“Well of course you would, mullet,” Lance retorted.

“I’m just saying, there are better things we could be doing,” Keith fumed.

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Hm, I don’t know, maybe trying to find Lotor?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Shiro interrupted. “We haven’t found any trace of Lotor, so in the meantime, why not strengthen the coalition? It will be good for our allies to know more about their ‘defenders of the universe.’”

“Exactly,” Lance said. “So, Keith, get your butt in there and make a vlog!”

“I don’t even know what that is.”

Lance groaned. “Come on, mullet, it’s not rocket science. Vlog. Video. Log,” he drew the words out, one at a time. “Like a journal, but as a video.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Anything you want,” Shiro said. “Just be careful not to give away sensitive information, in case these ever get into the wrong hands.”

“Right. Sounds easy,” Keith muttered under his breath. Why couldn’t somebody else go first? That would make it easier. So far only Coran had done it, and Keith had learned from experience not to follow his example when it came to film making. But Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Coran were all working on castle upgrades, and Lance and Shiro had a one-on-one training session planned. That left Keith to sit alone in what Coran had deemed ‘the recording room,’ talking about himself. Something he’d never been particularly good at.

“Hey, man, take it easy,” Lance said. “No need to cry over it.”

“I’m not,” Keith said, confused.

Lance groaned again. “It was a joke.”

Of course it was a joke. Lance always made jokes. And they always flew right over Keith’s head.

“I’m not going to cry,” he said in frustration, after the door to the recording room had slid shut behind him. He sat down. Took a deep breath. Turned on the camera.

“I’m Keith, the pilot of the black lion…what should I say?” he asked. “I’m a paladin. I fly the black lion. I-I said that already, see that’s why I’m bad at this. What else am I supposed to tell you? Okay, um, I guess I’m part Galra…”

After stammering through an introduction, finding words seemed a little easier. Whenever they visited planets, people always seemed most interested—or disgusted—to learn about his heritage, so he opted to talk about that for a little while, pulling out his knife to try and bring up the memories of the trials. Then he remembered what Shiro had said about sensitive information. Maybe talking about the Blade’s secrets wasn’t such a good idea.

Keith paused, staring down at the knife, at his reflection in the shiny, rare metal. “I guess being part Galra is a big deal. Might explain why I was never really good at…connecting with people.” He thought back to the events on Arus, how Lance had tried to teach him some sort of team chant. He still thought it was dumb, not as dumb as this video, but still dumb enough. He said as much, and before he realized what he was doing, his face was heating up and he was raising his voice in anger. Why did he have to get angry so easily?

“I am so sorry,” Keith said, remembering all their allies would be watching this. He leaned back, closed his eyes to calm down. “I am so sorry, I guess…I have a bit of a temper, so…”

Words were becoming hard again. Sticking to his heritage, Keith realized, might also not be the best idea. He didn’t know enough to talk about it with the ease he’d like. And not knowing was making him angry. Not knowing where he came from. Not knowing where his mom went. Not knowing why she left.

Words were hard, but for some reason Keith couldn’t seem to make them stop coming out his mouth. Emotions were rushing out, and he couldn’t keep them bottled up anymore, but this wasn’t the time or place. There was never a time or place for the leader of Voltron to break down.

Breathing was getting hard, too. He felt tears coming, sniffled once, and frantically thought of a way to cover this up. But it was too late. He’d spilled his guts and now everyone was going to know, the team was going to know, the allied planets would know, the universe would know that Keith Kogane was just some scared little kid lost in space.

“I'm—I’m outta here! Get me outta here,” he muttered, getting to his feet. “I'm—I’m outta here!”

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pilot Black, he couldn’t lead Voltron, even with Shiro back, hell, he couldn’t even make a damn vlog, whatever the hell that was. It was frustration more than anything that made him yell, “I said I wouldn’t cry!”

Keith stalked out of the recording room, the colours of the hallway swirling together as tears blurred his vision. It occurred to him that he’d left the camera on, but he didn’t care. He just needed to be alone. He was already alone. He was always alone. He was a loner. Right now, he needed to be alone somewhere safe from discovery.

He stumbled into his bedroom. He was dizzy, he couldn’t walk straight, he couldn’t think straight. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be a leader. He didn’t want to be a paladin. He just wanted to be home, alone in his cozy little desert shack, back when he liked being alone, when it was easy to pretend he didn’t care about his parents, when he had no idea that he was an alien.

Keith was really crying now, hot, messy tears dripping down his face. The armor that encased his shaking body was too tight, too constricting. He fumbled to get it off, piece by piece, fingers slipping over the smooth surface as he trembled with sobs, until eventually he gave up and sank to the floor. He was all alone. Nobody wanted him. Nobody cared. Why would they? All he’d ever done was push them away.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, crouched in the middle of his room with his head in his hands. Surely there were better things he could be doing right now. Like trying to find Lotor. Or training. He could’ve taken down the gladiator at least twice by now.

The sound of the door sliding open was barely audible. Just a gentle whoosh, a whoosh Keith had heard many times before. He didn’t pay it any attention, even as someone walked into the room and knelt beside him. He felt a hand on his back, rubbing up and down, slow and gentle, heard soft words being murmured in his ear. He tried to focus on that.

“Hey, Keith. Hey, it’s okay. Shhh, it’s okay, Keith, you’re alright.”

Keith swallowed hard and steeled himself to meet the kind pair of blue eyes that looked down at him.

“L-Lance?”

“Yeah, buddy, it’s me,” Lance smiled worriedly. He brushed tear-soaked bangs from Keith’s face. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I—” Keith froze. That was just the problem. He could never bring himself to open up. He never told anybody what was wrong. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to take down all the walls he’d spent years putting up.

“It’s okay,” Lance soothed. “You can talk to me.”

“No, I can’t!” Keith cried, much louder than he’d meant to. Lance flinched. “Can’t you see that I can’t talk to you? I can’t talk to anybody! I’m no good at it. I can’t connect with people, I can’t open up. Nobody likes me, and I try so hard, but I can’t make people like me because I always push them away and I don’t mean to but it just happens because I don’t know how to do it any different and then I’m all alone but I don’t want to be alone anymore but I can't…I just…I can’t.”

“Keith.” Lance’s strong, steady hands found Keith’s shoulders. His voice was soft, caring. “What are you talking about, man? You’re not alone. I’m right here. I’m always here for you.”

Keith wiped viciously at the tears stained on his cheeks. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say.

“Let’s get off the floor, huh?” Lance suggested. Keith nodded. Lance guided him to his feet and helped him take off the pieces of armor he’d missed. Keith tried to do it on his own, but he felt so clumsy and useless he ended up just standing there while Lance reduced him to the black bodysuit that was underneath all their armor.

Lance sat them both down on the edge of the bed, keeping an arm around Keith’s shoulders. He was still warm and a little bit sweaty from training, but Keith didn’t care. It felt good, Keith realized. It felt good to be close to someone and have them look out for you.

“We all care about you, Keith,” Lance said. “You do know that, right?”

“I…” Keith paused, “don’t know.”

“Well, we do. All of us. And yeah, okay, I guess your people skills could use a little work, but we know you’re trying. You’re part of the team, Keith. You’re family.” Lance squeezed his shoulder, smiling. Keith looked at him uncertainly. “What is it?” Lance asked.

“I’ve never had that before,” Keith admitted.

“You’d better get used to it,” Lance chimed. “Because we’re not going anywhere. We love you, man.”

“I love you too,” Keith managed. He was tearing up again. Lance pulled him in for a hug, and Keith went with his instinct to hug him back. Things weren’t great, but with Lance here, they were better. Speaking of which…

“How did you know to come find me?” Keith asked.

Lance ducked his head. “I, uh, kinda saw your vlog. You left the camera running.”

“The vlog,” Keith moaned. “I don’t know what I was thinking, saying all that stuff. And now the universe is going to see it. What do I do, Lance?”

“Don’t worry about it. It hasn’t been sent anywhere yet, and I’ll bet there’s a way we can delete it. And we could make a new one.”

“I don’t think my second time around will be any better,” Keith frowned.

“We’ll do it together,” Lance grinned. “We’ll call it ‘Get to Know the Two Bravest Paladins of Voltron!’ Razzle dazzle, right?”

“Yeah,” Keith chuckled. “Razzle dazzle.”

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

arwenxs  asked:

Hi! For the prompts, I don't know if you've done this before, but what about a Tony Stark advises for the young avengers? Because I really love the RDJ advises so I think that might be cool.

I SO FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA OMG I DECIDED I COULD NOT WAIT TO POST IT.

Also I interpreted “Young Avengers” as his new young Avengers, not the Young Avengers™ who don’t have a book right now. That may have been wrong, sorry D:

Title: Tony Stark Advises the Avengers
Rating: PG
Summary: Somehow, Tony Stark ended up Team Dad.
Notes: This is set nominally in the 616, where Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan), Nova (Sam Alexander), and Spider-man (Miles Morales) are half of an Avengers team with Iron Man (Tony Stark), Captain America (Sam Wilson), and Thor (Jane Foster). 
More Notes: There is a text version following the image version for people who need plain text. Sorry there are two guys on this team named Sam, it’s not my fault. 

***

Ms. Marvel

(Image super heavy under the cut)

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Virginity

Requested - Hi! Could you write something with Aaliyah and Y/N. Like they get along pretty well and like Aaliyah asks Y/N about losing Virginity (Y/N lost it very soon) or something like that. Thanks!

Requested - Heyy, I have an imagine request 💕 so, you’re visiting Shawn in Canada and he’s busy, so you end up spending time with Aaliyah (like take her shopping or out for milkshakes or something) and Shawn finds out and he thinks it’s really sweet and fluff fluff fluff

Your name: submit What is this?

~~~

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Shawn says for what seems like the hundredth time as he glances over at you briefly before refocusing his eyes on the road in front of him.

“Don’t be.” You respond with a cheeky smile. “I get to drive your jeep and hang out with your sister, so it’s a win-win for me.”

“Have I told you lately that you’re the best?” He asks.

“Maybe once or twice,” you tease, a smile on your face as you genuinely appreciate this time you’re getting to spend with your boyfriend, even if it isn’t a lot. You came to Canada to visit him, but he ended up having to rehearse at the last minute, which kind of ruined your original plans for the afternoon.

The drive to his rehearsal space goes by far too quickly, and before you know it you’re driving his jeep out of the parking lot on your way to pick up Aaliyah from school. Since Shawn ended up being busy, you offered to pick up his sister from school and take her to the mall. You’ve grown really close to Aaliyah over the past year that you’ve been dating Shawn, and since you don’t have a younger sister, you take full advantage of getting to spend time with Aaliyah and play an older sister role in her life.

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13luecloud  asked:

Hi! (LOL, I'm so awkward. 😂) I have a question: do you have tips on writing striking first (and last) sentences? Whenever I try to start writing I always stress a lot on the first sentences (and the last ones) because I believe readers remember them the most. Often I back down from writing because I don't believe the first sentence is good enough. I've been reading stories and books and observed how they do it to help myself to do better, but I still end up with the same problem.

Writing Striking First and Last Lines

Listen up, and listen well: the first sentence of your first draft is allowed to be terrible.  It is not a reflection on your skills as a writer, and certainly not any indication of how the rest of your draft will be. Beginnings are stressful as hell, but you shouldn’t let it get in your way. 

Some people have first sentence block, some people have first page block. They start writing, can’t think of anything good enough, and end up staring at a blank document for hours, waiting for inspiration to strike and a perfect first sentence to appear on the screen. My advice? Don’t wait for inspiration, you’ll never get anything done that way. 

Let’s look at the function of first and last lines. I’ll use examples from one of my favourite books, Uprooted by Naomi Novik.

First Line:

The first sentence needs to pose a “why” question to the reader. 

Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley.” 

So, this tells me that the protagonist lives in a valley with a somewhat notorious Dragon. This Dragon takes girls away, but doesn’t eat them. 

I’m immediately left wondering, who is this Dragon and why doesn’t he eat girls? Why does he take girls if not to eat them? 

I’m left curious, but not confused. I want to know why, and so I’m going to read on. This is an excellent first sentence that does its job of hooking the reader. 

Last Line (!!Spoiler Warning!!)

The last sentence needs to answer that question, or if there is a sequel, hint at a new question. 

““Come and meet my mother,” I said. I reached out and took his arm.”

 These are the last two sentences, but they’re short and work well together. 

Throughout the novel, we’re presented with many questions. The initial “Who is the Dragon?” quickly develops to a “Who will Dragon become to our protagonist?” and this last line answers it. (Of course, there are questions of the “Will the world be saved?” variety in the middle).

This ending is also a reflection of the beginning. The story starts when the Dragon unexpectedly takes our seemingly unremarkable protagonist into his world. The story ends with our protagonist taking the Dragon into hers. We’ve come to full circle, and this last line gives us closure.

When we first start writing our story, we often only have a vague idea of the questions that we’ll be presenting to our readers. These questions become clearer as we write on.  

And remember, people often start their story in the wrong place. They start it too early, or maybe too late. They’re looking for a perfect first line in the wrong place. Imagine that, the first line that you spent days and days on being scrapped in revisions. 

The best advice I can give is this: if the first sentence/paragraph/page is holding you back, then start at the second. Put it aside, start writing your your story at a place you feel comfortable and confident, orient yourself and then come back later. The most important thing to do is write.

Don’t stress it, give it a go, and you may find that somewhere down the line, a perfect first line may come to you. 

D

leighlemon  asked:

What do Count Olaf's last words mean? Especially the part- "Get out as early as you can and don't have any kids yourself." ?

Hello, @leighlemon!

Olaf’s parting words are a direct quotation of Philip Larkin’s “This Be The Verse” (Link). One of the reasons the poem isn’t quoted in full is that it contains profanity.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  
They may not mean to, but they do.  
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,  
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

[Philip Larkin, “This Be The Verse” from “Collected Poems”]

I would argue that Olaf chooses this poem for two purposes.

One is to contradict the false narrative that the Baudelaire orphans (and the “noble” side of V.F.D. in general) have built up in their heads: that education automatically leads to moral progress, and that evil people are usually ignorant.

“I know that having a good vocabulary doesn’t guarantee that I’m a good person,” the boy said. “But it does mean I’ve read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.”
[The Slippery Slope, Chapter Five]

Of course, there is not usually a lightbulb hovering in the air when someone has an idea, but the image of a lightbulb over someone’s head has become a sort of symbol for thinking, just as the image of an eye, sadly, has become a symbol for crime and devious behavior rather than integrity, the prevention of fire, and being well-read.
[The Slippery Slope, Chapter Eleven]

“Well-read!” she repeated in a particularly nasty tone of voice. “Being well-read won’t help you in this world. Many years ago, I was supposed to waste my entire summer reading Anna Karenina, but I knew that silly book would never help me, so I threw it into the fireplace.” She reached down and picked up a few more pieces of wood, which she tossed aside with a snicker. “Look at your precious headquarters, volunteers! It’s as ruined as my book. And look at me! I’m beautiful, fashionable, and I smoke cigarettes!” She laughed again, and pointed at the children with a scornful finger. “If you didn’t spend all your time with your heads stuck in books, you’d have that precious baby back.”
[The Slippery Slope, Chapter Twelve]

Although the “villainous” side of V.F.D has a strong anti-intellectual stance, Olaf’s actions contradict this ideology (many of his plans do require a strong dose of research and literary knowledge). He goes as far as writing his own plays under a pseudonym (”Al Funcoot”), probably because he doesn’t want people to realize he actually enjoys literature.

So Olaf’s decision to prove he can recite poems is a fantastic case of duality. On one hand, he’s getting back to the days of his education by V.F.D., with a strong emphasis on the love of literature. On one hand, he’s such a wicked person that it’s a criticism of V.F.D.’s ideology at the same time. None of the endoctrination seemed to do him much good. But it’s possible he does look back fondly on his past appreciation for poetry as it’s strongly tied to the happy memories he had growing up with Kit.

“‘The night has a thousand eyes,’” Kit said hoarsely, and lifted her head to face the villain. The Baudelaires could tell by her voice that she was
reciting the words of someone else. ’“And the day but one; yet the light
of the bright world dies with the dying sun. The mind has a thousand
eyes, and the heart but one: yet the light of a whole life dies when love
is done.’”
Count Olaf gave Kit a faint smile. “You’re not the only one who can recite the words of our associates,” he said, and then gazed out at the sea. The afternoon was nearly over, and soon the island would be covered in darkness. ’“Man hands on misery to man,’” the villain said. “'It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can–’” Here he coughed, a ghastly sound, and his hands clutched his chest. “'And don’t have any kids yourself,’” he finished, and uttered a short, sharp laugh.

[The End, Chapter Thirteen]

Although the “villainous” side of V.F.D has a strong anti-intellectual stance, Olaf’s actions contradict this ideology (many of his plans do require a strong dose of research and literary knowledge). He goes as far as writing his own plays under a pseudonym (”Al Funcoot”), probably because he doesn’t want people to realize he actually enjoys literature.

The second purpose of the poem is to cast a cynical, uncomfortable light on Olaf’s own life. As we learn in “The Penultimate Peril”, Olaf was orphaned at an early age by the Baudelaire parents, an event which may have been the triggering event on his path to villainay. Olaf’s response was to make Beatrice and Bertrand’s children orphans in turn and to inflict every misery he had suffered on to them. So he’s effectively become the very kind of person he hates. There’s a strong parallel with Larkin’s poem, which speaks of the incapacity to become a “proper” parent even though you’ve seen and experienced bad parenting while you were a child. It’s an ontological cycle of violence from which there is no escape. Olaf’s nefarious nihilism is strongly tied to this horrible realization.

It’s of course no wonder that the adoption of Carmelita Spats is what causes the Esme/Olaf break-up. While Esme is delighted to obtain a child to shape into her own image, Olaf seems extremely uncomfortable around Carmelita. The fact they apparently plan to steal Carmelita’s inheritance anyway only makes it worse. Anything that resembles parenting creepsout  Olaf. So it only makes sense that he utters this poem with one last maniacal laugh, as the woman he once loved dies giving birth to the child he could have raised with her.

anonymous asked:

Hi. I never really felt the need to ask this since I'm not too deep into shipping in this fandom. Yet. (I ship Sheith) but then I started seeing a lot of things sooo now I am wondering how likely do you think Sheith would happen? There's also Kl@nce, I see a lot of people saying that will happen with the relationship development they have and might have up till the latest season and the upcoming one. I don't mind if Sheith doesn't happen but I'd love it if it did :3

I’ve talked about sheith so much, I’ll put it this way–if we get lgbt representation in the form of a relationship between two paladins, really the only thing that makes any sense at this point is sheith. “Keith and Shiro have the closest relationship,” “Keith latches onto Shiro,” “Keith’s constantly scared he’s gonna say or do something wrong and he’s gonna lose Shiro,” “Shiro’s stuck his neck out a lot for Keith…and I don’t think he sees it as a burden”–there’s an intensity and gravity to their dynamic that no other two paladins have. From day one there’s been this easy intimacy between them. 

When Shiro vanishes again, Keith lashes out at everyone else and feels that no one cares about Shiro like he does, none of them understand, and meanwhile they all tell him to move on as he adamantly continues carrying a torch for Shiro–it’s like he’s grieving a lost lover. Keith’s desperation and fear of losing Shiro or scaring him away is far more in line with unrequited love than anything remotely familial. The parallels between sheith and zaggar, ect–there’s a lot there. Their relations seems to be built up like a romantic one in the narrative, and whether that’s where we head or not, I’ll never be able to buy that these two love anyone more than each other.

And honestly, I don’t think k/l will happen at all. It seems every time it comes off, the writers steer away from that. They also straight up said it wasn’t happening in one interview when asked if it would be “teased” for fans–as in, queerbaiting. And the writers immediately shut that down and said that it was never their intention for their relationship to be perceived in that way, and that animation is done so far in advance they “can’t just change the story so that–and now they’re in love!” (source)

Interviewer: “I feel like there was a little tease? It seems shippers want to ship Lance and Keith together, so are there gonna be any hints of that at all? Or is it just more like–okay, they’re friends, they’re starting to become friends.”

Lauren: “I think we had a very natural arc in mind for those two. Which is, they start out at odds, but then they grow to kind of respect each other. And if that leads into people being like–they’re spending time together! Then that’s a ‘thing,’ but…We’re not trying to cater to or bait anyone into anything, we’re just trying to do what’s right for the story.”

Joaquim: “We also try not to be overtly affected by what popular opinion might be.”

Lauren: “And we’re working in animation. Our schedule is so far in advance for that–even if people shipped Keith and Lance, we couldn’t go back and just change the story–to be like and now they’re in love!

Joaquim: “There’s just no way. We’re already years past that storyline, you know?”

Most recently, when asked in one interview about Lance’s “future Mr. or Mrs. Blue lion” the writers responded exclusively with female pronounces. (source) I’m pretty certain we’ve already been told k/l isn’t happening and was never their intention. 

Also, a bi guy, I’ve talked a lot before about why the idea of bi Lance as he’s written now in canon would be very offensive to me and make me feel uncomfortable, so I personally can’t ever see him being representation in canon. But again, that’s my own personal opinion and of course other bi guys will have a right to their own interpretations. 

i really really need to talk about last night’s episode of brooklyn nine nine. that is not the kind of episode that you can fully appreciate in one watch so i had to go back and see it again before i talked about it. i am not in a place to speak on racial profiling but when i read the press release of this episode and found out that my favourite show is doing an episode on this very important and complex topic, I was intrigued but also worried. when taking on a topic that is incredibly urgent and relevant in today’s world, there definitely is a huge amount of responsibility that the show needs to take in highlighting the issue and giving it the importance it deserves while also maintaining the structure of the show. i definitely do not doubt dan goor and the brooklyn nine nine writers and actors for even a second, but taking on a topic like this in a cop comedy show where cops are believed to be inherently good and protective of their citizens is an incredibly huge risk, one that i did not want the show to take unless they were certain that they could do justice to it. and justice they did. 

i honestly cannot express how incredibly happy i was to see someone other than jake be a part of the A plot. don’t get me wrong you know jake peralta is the absolute love of my life, but the supporting characters in this show are so incredibly interesting and there’s so many great stories to be explored with them and sometimes they are underutilized in episodes and it’s frustrating because you know they have so much more to offer. terry excels in mediocre C plots so when he is given a fantastic A plot, he absolutely nails it. 

right off the bat when terry tells the squad about the incident, i absolutely love jake saying that he has never been stopped by a cop and he has done some really crazy things and the flashback that follows, b99 has never been a show to shy away from discussing white privilege and i love that this continued on in this episode. i love that terry’s first course of action was not to punish the officer for making the mistake, but rather talk to him about it and ensure that he wouldn’t ever do it to anyone else again. i loved the conversations between holt and terry, it was interesting to see the differing perspectives of two black men in positions of authority and who belong to different generations. holt is justified in worrying about terry’s career and telling him to pick his battles, regardless of how deeply wrong the incident was. terry is justified in wanting to do the right thing and make the officer pay for what he did because this incident had nothing to do with his career in the first place. terry’s childhood flashback and viewing a cop as a superhero and telling holt that he can’t stop thinking about the thought of his daughters one day being out on the street looking for their child’s toy and being stopped by a bad cop and not being able to play the police card was heartbreaking. i love that terry chooses to file the report and doesn’t care about it affecting his chances of getting the city council job because it is the right thing to do. i can’t express how amazing terry crews is in this scene and how he makes me cry within seconds because his emotions are so raw and to see such a positive and happy person feel so defeated really hits you hard. i love that holt tells terry that when he went through these situations, he was alone and he had no one to turn to so he had to rise through the ranks to create change, but now he’s there, and how he decides to support terry regardless of the consequences. i love that there isn’t an easy resolution to this plot and it is a bittersweet ending because terry does not get the city council position likely due to his complaint against the officer and he does consider the thought of him maybe being able to do more if he had gotten the position. i love that holt and terry do acknowledge the fact that it’s tough to survive in this world, regardless of their position or rank. the writers don’t sugarcoat the issue but they also don’t let it slip to a dark and grave place that offers no hope, they find the perfect balance between the two, making their treatment of the issue that much more effective. 

jake and amy babysitting cagney and lacey was so so so important to me but i loved that it didn’t take away from the seriousness of the issue in any way. jake and amy showed immense growth in this episode, from thinking that cake and movies is the perfect diversion for the kids so they can avoid talking about the subject of race to actually having the most difficult conversation that a parent could possibly have with their child and handling it with so much care and sensitivity and not sugarcoating the issue for the children but also not giving them more information than they could handle. i love the last scene between them and how they go back and forth about the idea of kids, acknowledging that yes they’re super stressful but the experience of being with them is rewarding and being able to shape young minds is a powerful feeling. but wait kids are exhausting but they also have the cutest shoes and hands. our babies are ready to have their own babies!! i always knew that jake and amy would make perfect loving supportive and caring parents but if this episode is any indication, they’ll be even greater than i ever imagined. 

best jokes of the episode:

  • “get woke scully” I SCREAM EVERYTIME
  • all of charles’ creepy hilarious lines about jake and amy being parents!!
  • gina’s song on racism
  • “oh and one more thing, i love you” “i love you too jake” so cute so cute so cute
  • “tv and cake were my parents”
  • “what kind of kids don’t wanna eat cake, should we call child services on terry”
  • the handling of the orgasm question
  • gina and rosa babysitting cagney and lacey (lord knows i’d kill for an entire episode of this)
Next Generation HP Things
  • Teddy is “the cool cousin.” 
  • James is “that little bastard who keeps messing up his potions on purpose to see the ‘pretty fireworks’”. 
  • Albus is “oh god, not another one. He’s going to be just like his brother!” (except he’s not just like his brother. He actually tries.)
  • Lily is a sweetheart. Need I say more? She’s obviously a sweetheart. Except… she’s got a bit of her oldest brother’s mischievous streak, so she likes to explode potions, too. 
  • Scorpius and Albus are friends and both in Slytherin, because I like the idea of a Potter being in Slytherin, but I’m not too fond of the “Scorpius HAS to be not Slytherin thing.”
  • Everyone thinks they’re dating. They’re THAT pair of friends that always sits really close together and steals each other’s pumpkin juice and shares books. 
  • They aren’t? They are? Who knows?
  • Lysander and Lorcan are really popular in their houses. One is Ravenclaw and one is Hufflepuff and they’ve got a whole tutoring system set up with Rose.
  • Rose is, in the teachers’ books, “most likely to get out of here alive, just like her mom.”
  • Teddy gets a job at Hogwarts doing Merlin-knows-what because Harry has a life crisis and is like, “I NEED SOMEONE KEEPING AN EYE ON MY CHILDREN SO THEY DON’T DIE LIKE I NEARLY DID!!!!!”
  • Neville offers but Harry’s like, “Neville, you had enough dealing with me.” and Neville’s like, “You’re right. Good plan.”
  • Victoire is a healer. She’s really damn good at it. 
  • George’s kids are banned from having any of their dad’s merchandise on campus. The teachers just aren’t taking the chance. 
  • Draco and Harry are Quidditch Dads who have angry face-offs in the bleachers even though their kids are on the SAME DAMN TEAM. It’s ridiculous. 
  • Headmistress McGonagall gives the two of them detention before remembering they graduated and have jobs and lives. 
  • They’re nice guys (are they?) so they sit through two hours of detention with Aunt Minerva (but don’t call her that if you want to live). 
  • Rose and Hugo are inseparable Hugo’s first year because he’s nervous as hell, but then he makes friends and starts a club devoted to continuing  his uncles’ (Fred and George’s) legacy as pranksters. 
  • Everyone thinks it’s Roxanne and Fred II until Hugo feels guilty and turns himself in. 
  • The teachers are SHOCKED. 
  • He gives them the Sad Weasley Eyes and gets his detention time cut in half. 
  • Scorpius and Albus get too close to each other during Quidditch and Albus knocks Scorpius off his broom. It looks like he could do one of two things: Catch the goddamn snitch or rescue his friend. 
  • He doesn’t think twice before rescuing his friend.
  • Later everyone asks Scorpius if he was scared and he says, “For a second, but then I remembered Al was right there and I wasn’t scared anymore. I knew he’d help me, ‘cause I’d do the same for him.”
  • Cue the chorus of “aaaaaaaawwwwwwww!”
  • I’m done here. It’s midnight and I’m rambling and my sister would be so ashamed. 

After receiving such kind words from @michicant123 I really wanted to write something, so please, have this as a thank you <3

***
Derek opened his eyes slowly, he could feel the small beam of sun light snaking its way through his window, warming his skin. He turned over, allowing it to wake him up properly. He felt peaceful, a concept that used to be very rare for him, but he wasn’t complaining.
He could hear someone downstairs and the thought didn’t immediately make him jump out of bed, he felt content knowing it was probably someone in the pack. He didn’t imagine he would ever get to this place, having a family again, people he trusted with his life, people who made his life feel complete in a way he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

He heard a laugh that made him smile. Of course Stiles was here; Derek would never admit it to him, but he missed Stiles when he stayed at home for a few days, realising how vast the space was in the loft. Derek enjoyed his own company, sure, but being surrounded by family, by his pack, was something that brought him a comfort he couldn’t explain.

“Hey, you’re up” Stiles said with a smile as Derek descended the stairs.

“’bout time, we were gonna eat without you” Erica laughed, putting a few extra slices of bacon on the plate before handing it to Derek, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“How long have you guys been here?” Derek queried, moving to the kitchen to grab a fork before sitting at the counter.

“About an hour” Stiles said muffled, scrambled eggs taking up the majority of the space in his mouth.

Derek just nodded in response as he tucked into his own breakfast, his eyes drifting to the guy sitting opposite him. Stiles is such a complicated character that Derek has taken years to know. He forgets sometimes how far apart they used to be, but when he thinks about it now, he’s glad they formed the friendship they did.

They have all suffered their fair share of bad experiences, leading them to be the people they are today. They won’t ever be fully healed, no one can come out of what they all experienced and remain unscathed, but that was their life. Supernatural beings don’t usually live a life full of harmony and rainbows, but this, this right here, was pretty damn close.

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Bad Boy Blues

Pairing: Prinxiety

Summary: Things didn’t turn out quite so perfectly for Virgil Thompson. [prequel/sequel/something to Janitor’s Closet Love]

Warnings: homophobic slurs, minor descriptions of violence, some explicitly sexual phrasing that might make you uncomfortable if you don’t like that stuff, but no explicitly sexual things happen

A/N: Morgan????? Posting a fic??? I know, it’s ridiculous!

Janitor’s Closet Love - check out my ao3

Tag list (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed): @milk-withtwosugars​ @abstractedthinking @gotta-love-dem-sides @ashrain5 @waste-disposal-unit @evilmuffin @rebbeash@justanotherpurplebutterfl@eternal-sanders @satisfied-sanders-sides @teal-eaf @meginoi @holdnarrytight @demonickittykat @musicphanpie-b@lizziepopanime @pat-on-verge @love-sanders-sides @analogical-trash@spaceacephan @kasylikescookies 

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