i don't remember if i've seen this on tumblr or not

slavic languages gothic

You see a sentence written in cyrillic. Some of the letters are familiar. You see the meaning shimmering underneath the surface. You almost grasp it, but it slips away. The letters on the page mock you silently.

You know this Czech word. You’ve already learnt it in Polish. It is not the same word. It is a grave insult. Your slavic friends are shocked and embarassed for you when they hear you speak it.

There is a sentence in Croatian. There is a sentence in Serbian. There is a sentence in Bosnian. They are all the same sentence.

You have to write about your day in Slovak. You spend the night polishing the draft. You fail your assigment. It’s written in Czech. You don’t know Czech.

P is not what it seems. You have to remember that.

The Croatian sentence does not mean what the Bosnian sentence means. They both mean the same in Serbian.

That word has a diminutive. The diminutive has its own diminutive. The diminutive of the diminutive also has a diminutive. Nobody knows what the final diminutive of a word is. Some say the knowledge had been lost in centuries past and matrioshkas are the echo, the tangible warning left for us to remember. No living creature should hold the means of diminishing something into nonexistence.
Others say you may still find some of them in old soviet textbooks, if you dare to look in abandoned schools of Chernobyl.

Someone is speaking to you. Is that a he or a she? You aren’t sure. It’s an abstract concept. Why does it have gender.

You see a word in a dictionary. It has seventeen letters and only one vowel. You close the dictionary very carefully not looking at the phonetic transcription. The shape of it haunts you in your sleep. You wake up face damp with tears, a bitter taste on your tongue. The clock blinks 3:03AM. You do not dare look up that word again.

This word means the same thing in the five slavic languages you’re familiar with. You use it in the sixth one. That word does not exist in this language. It never did. There is now a word-shaped void in the fabric of this language. The natives look at you uneasily. There is a new quality to the silence and your palms start to sweat.

H is not H. H is not H. H is not H. H is not H.

One day you flip through your dictionary. A page is missing. What was the word? You can’t remember. There is pressure building at the back of your head. The clock blinks 3:03AM.

You write my name is in cyrillic. There are shadows dancing on the walls. They grow longer with each letter you write down. It is not cyrillic you’re using. You keep writing my name is. The shadows now bleed from the tip of your pen. It’s irrelevant. You need to remember the right letters.

N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not… If only you could remember the letters. The letters are important. What was it, that wasn’t N?

There are nine different prefixes you can add to a verb to change its meaning. There are fifty three different suffixes you have to add to a verb to make it work. In the end the only thing left of the original is a vague shape of one of its middle consonants. You can feel the anguish radiating from the verb’s mutialted form. A desperate sob escapes through your clenched teeth. You’re so, so sorry, you didn’t meant to. You didn’t. It doesn’t matter.

You now read a text in Russian. You’ve never learnt Russian. Why are you reading that text? The words burn your eyes, the meaning searing your mind.

There’s a shot of vodka in front of you. You don’t drink alcohol. You don’t care. All existence is meaningless, your soul’s in eternal pain. A broken matrioshka lays at your feet. There is no salvation, she says boring into your eyes. You open your mouth to answer, but there is only a burst of harsh rustle. It dies in whispering echoes a moment later. Your glass is empty again.

annabethsowl  asked:

Hi ashlee! Sorry to bother you but I've seen you and a couple people blogging about my immortal and I was hoping you could explain what's going on? From what I understand we just found out who the author is? But I'm not familiar with the actual story of my immortal. At least I don't remember ever coming across it. Thanks in advance!

It’s this 44 chapters long Harry Potter fanfic that was written back in 2006-2007 by ‘Tara Gilesbie’, published on fanfiction.net, and it’s so atrocious it’s great. The main character is a vampire goth (or ‘goffik’) called Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way but sometimes her name is spelled Enoby, the spelling overall is terrible, the plot is nonsensical and weirdly sexual, the characters and world are completely bastardised and on top of that the author sprinkles notes about her preferences and life story throughout the actual chapters and in the author’s notes. It’s so ridiculous, you truly have to read at least the first chapter to get an idea of how weird it is. There’s references to Hot Topic, to self-harm, to characters constantly hooking up, Hogwarts is divided into Goths and Preps, Harry and Draco are exes and everyone’s names are constantly being misspelled… It’s truly a wild read. Buzzfeed did a pretty god job picking out some of the best bits for its ten year anniversary, if you can’t sit through the whole thing you definitely have to read this.

It so completely disregarded Harry Potter canon and was so hated at the time that it got thousands of negative reviews, which made it infamous, and the author’s notes got more aggressive in response to the feedback. It was hacked twice, and then the author ‘got bored’ of it, and then she got locked out of her account.

It got really famous because no one could decide if it was genuine or a parody. It was so terrible a lot of people thought it must have been satire, but it was so long and so bad that a lot of people also thought it couldn’t have been made up because of the effort that went into it. It was like an over exaggerated example of all the worst bits of emo internet culture in the early 2000s, and some people saw it as a brilliant commentary on the state of fandom while others saw it as a blight on people who were trying to get fanfiction to be taken seriously. The debate raged and My Immortal even became required reading for a course at Princeton, but the author managed to stay anonymous and one of the greatest mysteries of the internet.

Recently, an unrelated scandal occurred in the YA publishing world where an ‘author’ named Lani Sarem attempted to buy her way onto the top of the NYT Bestsellers List with a book so terrible it garnered comparisons to My Immortal. People started speculating (half joking, half serious?) that maybe she was the author, My Immortal had been completely serious, and she had never grown up or changed her writing style at all and was now trying to scam her way to a profit with it. 

This is obviously terrible, and it actually coincided with the real author of My Immortal making her first public statement on the internet in years, after she rediscovered and updated the bio of her fictionpress.net account, which had a similar account name, creation date (and apparently the same email and password) as the fanfiction.net account that had hosted My Immortal. After that first update she came back to say, no, she was not Lani Sarem. And then she came back again to reiterate that she was the real author of My Immortal, and, in the process, dropped hints that she had an agent, an editor, worked with amazing women in the publishing industry, and that she couldn’t say anything else about My Immortal ‘for now’.

Linking directly back to the Lani Sarem scandal, an editorial assistant at Wednesday Books made a (now deleted) tweet saying, “we have a book with the girl who wrote My Immortal. Definitely not the same person as this nut.” 

Someone took this information and began hunting for clues as to who this author could be. They came across mention of a book called Under the Same Stars by Rose Christo, being published by the pretty damn impressive publishing house Macmillan. Now, I’ve heard two different stories at this point: Both might be true, maybe they happened at the same time or maybe one after the other, I’m not sure. But I’ve heard that they then found Rose Christo on Twitter, and discovered a screenshot she’d posted of something else that had another tab with what appeared to be the fictionpress account open. The other thing I’ve heard is that someone found Rose on tumblr and searched through her blog for mentions of My Immortal, and found a post where she admitted (in a round about way) to being the author (because she didn’t want Ebony being called a TERF, as if this story wasn’t wild enough to begin with!!).

Either way, people were now undeniably linking Rose Christo with My Immortal. And it turns out they were right, and Rose was the author, and Under the Same Stars is actually a story that details the time of her life when she was in the New York foster system, searching for her younger brother and writing My Immortal (which was a troll fic, she has confirmed) with her foster sister, referred to throughout the fic as Raven. 

Here’s the official description of the book:

In the early 2000s, Rose Christo was separated from her five-year-old brother and shuttled between foster homes in Brooklyn to the Bronx and back again. Desperate to be reunited with her sibling, she traveled the five boroughs, unable to find any trace of him, as New York State’s child care agencies failed to help her time and again.

Then, with the help of one beloved foster sister, Rose created an infamous piece of Harry Potter fanfiction titled My Immortal, posting it online under the pseudonym XXXbloodyrists666XXX. The “44 chapters and 22,000 words of hysterical, typo-laden hyperbole” went viral as the most notoriously terrible fanfic ever read by the community. For years, fans, writers, and editors researched, debated, and contested the story’s origin and its mysterious author: Was this grammatically challenged rant actually written by a suicidal goth teenager named Tara Gilesbe living in Dubai, or was this a hoax perpetrated by a group of professional authors making fun of fanfiction?

The truth is a gripping, compelling, and surprisingly funny story of how a young girl infiltrated and used the fanfiction community to search for her brother by baiting their attention with a deliberately badly written tale, creating a 10-year mystery that garnered pop culture media attention and remained unsolved — until now.

Understandably, everyone lost their minds, because all the backstories people had hypothesised for the author of My Immortal were so far from Rose’s real life story (or the glimpses we’ve gotten of it so far). 

She had been hoping to remain anonymous until the publication of the book was properly announced, when it’s subtitle The search for my brother and the true story of My Immortal, would have whipped up this same internet frenzy. But the whole thing with Lani just caused people to go snooping and the news came out earlier than she had planned, which is actually quite frustrating and upsetting for her, I’d imagine. But she seems to be taking it in stride.

You can read her FAQ, where she answers a few questions about all this in her own words, and you can read about the other books she has published here. I also recommend checking out her blog in general for some great insight into issues effecting Native Americans. You can buy her books on Amazon, too, if you want to read any others before Under the Same Stars comes out.

Even though we all know who the author is now, My Immortal remains one of the greatest things to ever come out of the hell-time that was the early 2000s, and is like a time capsule of all the worst bits of internet culture back then. After following this mystery for a decade, I’m really, really glad to know that the author has done so well for herself.

anonymous asked:

If the art was that good people would see it anyway. Without the artist needing to reblog it 100 times

I see you’re stemming from liv’s @larvesta own answer about this and I’m not gonna lie, I’m really hesitant about saying anything on the matter bc i don’t do this kind of thing but I realise people actually think this way so here’s a proper answer. 

It doesn’t work that way. I should know, I should really know. People here on Tumblr get lucky often and you wouldn’t think that, especially if you don’t create content yourself. Things just don’t become popular all of a sudden, most of the time it needs to get reblogged by the right person and add the balance between having good content yourself as well as an ongoing status as a creator. Not to mention how you go about treating your followers, your personality and how you act here. And you’ll tell me; “But people with good art have so many notes! It must be because they’re good! See, you don’t need to reblog it so many times!”

I hope you know what it feels like to be an artist here because I do. I especially do. I have talked, reblogged, supported, and have met so many, too many artists here, some insanely obscure. Some whose work looks like it took so many hours and has very little over 50 notes; my work included. And I can tell you now that I can personally handpick and tell you that some of the work I’m most proud of and have took many hours on are not over 200 notes. I’m not saying I’m frustrated by that, because some of us are reassured in our skill but let me tell you that every time I think of a fellow artist out there who releases amazing art and earns very little notes who looks at their note count and wonders if they are good enough, my heart breaks. And there’s young artists who are still getting by, who are not as good yet but took the same amount of effort and time, they deserve to be cheered on. 

Because people think artists here are machines, capable of creating content without regards to who actually appreciates it. No one is like that, artists are fragile just like everyone else and people really forget that. They really do. 

People don’t just see the art out of nowhere, do you understand the huge amount in this platform? There’s millions of work everywhere, you need to be supported to be seen, you need to withstand the thousands of others around you and you might have to create something that’s away from the norm to stand out, you might have to take hours of your time. You don’t know unless you really indulge yourself this platform, you don’t know unless you yourself do work for more than four hours, no breaks and absolutely tired, and look at your note count to see a disheartening number. You have no idea, you really don’t.

And don’t guilt them, please. I could reblog my art so many times, but sometimes the thougt of ‘maybe it gets annoying’ always bears in my mind, artists are made to feel like it’s okay that they’re not being appreciated. I’m proud of those who reblog their art because they know they deserve better, and guess what? They do.  

There’s a difference between good content and popular content, popular content aimed towards a specific audience that you know will like and reblog that. Good content is a dangerous hit and miss. I really appreciate people who do art for things that are not popular, because sometimes they really do have to rely solely on their skills. I say it’s a dangerous hit and miss because you know it might not have that specific audience, but you still take the effort and time into it anyway. Imagine that; knowing something is popular but going for the alternative anyway; taking time, taking effort, putting your all into it. That’s absolutely insane, man. Imagine knowing you can put that time and effort into something popular that might attract way more notes, but still doing something else for the sake of that something else. 

Also there’s the matter of timezones, in which there’s a worldly concept that everyone is in different times and not everyone is here at the same time to see the same content. I don’t want to explain this; please at least understand the concept of time. 

Artists reblog their work because they want others to see it, to appreciate it. Because sometimes it’s the only way others can. Reblogging their own work is an artist’s way of supporting themselves and you think I’m going to let you let them think that that’s a bad thing? That they’re not allowed to do that? Go home, buddy. 

I don’t have anything against anyone, I just wrote this realising that people actually think this is actually how it works and even then, I don’t have anything against you, maybe you’re just misinformed, some just don’t know enough about this to really understand. 

So here it is buds: support artists supporting themselves. It’s as simple as that. 

iacomary97  asked:

I've seen that you also like Brooklyn99, and i was wandering if you ever have doodled something. I like your style so much, but i had a break from tumblr for two years so i don't remember if you ever did something about the series. :)

Aw thanks! I do really love the show and the characters but I haven’t done any art for it, no. I should really fix that.

Here’s a little Holt doodle

edit: now available as a sticker

wanna one as things i've heard at my school
  • Daniel: i had a dream where i let a bunch of cats out in ikea and everything kinda broke lose. it was catastrophic
  • Jihoon: looking forward to summer so i don't have to deal with you guys and your ugly lives.
  • Daehwi: i went on vacation for two weeks and the only part i remember is seeing a dog eat a corn on the cob.
  • Jaehwan: i'm not saying that you should all date me because i'm a sweetie pie but you should all date me because i am a fucking sweetie pie.
  • Seongwoo: you aren't born with a perfect face. i mean unless you're me.
  • Woojin: sometimes i think about what it would be like if everyone just like... stopped.
  • Guanlin: i have eaten nothing but hot pockets and red bull for 24 hours i have reached god level, i am unstoppable.
  • Jisung: it costs so much money to die man, like i can't even get a job how am i gonna pay 30000 dollars to die?
  • Minhyun: i live through my sims. like can i cook? fuck no! but you bet that my sim is the best fucking cook you've ever seen.
  • Jinyoung: did you know that pigeons delivered the results for olympic games? like imagine if they got the winner wrong and they have to send another pigeon and it flies in like "squawk squawk bitch you thought."
  • Sungwoon: when it's raining i just think about who hurt the cloud. why are you crying sweetie?
50% OFF starters.
  • "You can't have sex with your neighbor's backyard above-ground pool."
  • "let me help you out of that swimsuit-- POOL."
  • "I sure hope we become best friends! but I don't hope we have a falling out, leading us to have a tense, emotion-heavy, dramatic, competitive, love/hate relationship later on."
  • "so anyways I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, (name) is covered in blood, got an icepick-- haha it was kind of a weird tuesday."
  • "we're gonna be late for anime school!"
  • "I'm just saying, is it illegal if I'm in my OWN pool?"
  • "(name) WAS A BITCH-ASS POSER."
  • "oh no, he's hot when he's sad!"
  • "this reminds me of prison. this reminds me of prison. this DEFINITELY reminds me of prison."
  • "look at that little pimp. he's gonna grow up to be a prison ass mothafucka."
  • "let's skip all the fluff and get to the part where we're shirtless."
  • "homeboy looks like shark week, I ain't messin' with that."
  • "It wasn't a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! We went to JAIL!"
  • "Nah, man, we went to holding. there's a big difference."
  • "Yeah now we owe Easter Dave a favor-- that is NOT a position you wanna be in."
  • "Wouldn't we have seen him around by now? I mean he is a bipedal shark-person."
  • "I'VE GOT MACE!"
  • "Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?!?"
  • "you took the fall for me and I said thank you."
  • "I went to jail!"
  • "I spent 6 months at a correctional facility!"
  • "I stabbed a girl in the yard!"
  • "I think that guard you killed had a family!"
  • "look at that majestic ass mothafucka. like a dolphin or some shit. a dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack."
  • "that's how they do it in Austrailia."
  • "20 bucks on jabber jaws."
  • "hey, man did you Tivo Glee last night?"
  • "I'm not allowed to watch Glee, my dad says it might turn me into something bad. A musical theater major."
  • "Neither one of them even died!"
  • "they won't let me back into sewing club because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needles it's deemed 'inappropriate' and I 'have to leave'."
  • "I have to tumblr this!"
  • "a guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team, you're gonna have to be more specific."
  • "I ship them! and them!"
  • "they hate each other, but they also fuck each other!"
  • "hey we try not to get this part of the gym wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop."
  • "so do you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews and talk about my work out routine?"
  • "I wonder if that stuff I hid is still here? ...nah, cops probably took it."
  • "do you know? do you know for sure? Because I don't need another incident."
  • "If I get out of this chair I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."
  • "Ok. I'll admit, I'm a little threatened."
  • "'sup bitches!~"
  • "aren't you that guy who drowned a kid? and burned down that building?"
  • "get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war, urban torture practices."
  • "Remember, snitches get stitches!"
  • "shut up you're high as balls!"
  • "you're just mad because mom and dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life."
  • "right, son. and speaking of crushing disappointments-"
  • "coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again."
  • "good thing I wore my Heelys."
  • "he's so hot but so crazy! which makes him even MORE hot!"
  • "Come on let me get those digits baby!"
  • "It should be illegal to be that fine!"
  • "oh just basic addition and subtraction. he was subtracting from my profits so I'm going to add a few extra holes in him."
  • "this doesn't seem like the time for polka-renditions of Ke$ha songs."
  • "I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go."
  • "Yeah I've seen him. He's in my scrapbook class. He cuts the eyes out of magazine photos."
  • "your arrest record is extensive... and amateur."
  • "I want that boy to be my bride!"
  • "Pilates will do that man, works your core."
  • "what are we waiting for? let's go bro! let's gbro!"
  • "wow you sure said that."
  • "WOOP! WOOP! hold it, I'm gonna have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness."
  • "One time we went camping in the woods, I just left 'em there. Nobody found them for like 5 days. I don't even think their families cared, kinda sad, really."
  • "So, what you're saying is, if they disappeared, no one would notice?"
  • "well I've gotta go not talk to you anymore."
  • "I learned how to swim the old fashioned way. When I was five my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water."
  • "I'm so happy right now! --and it's not just cause I get to see you in a bunch of different swimsuits. Ok I lied, I'm sorry, that's mostly the reason."
  • "hey I know you! You helped me smuggle some stuff out of the country! How've you been kid?"

anonymous asked:

I'm still kinda new to tumblr and figuring out how things work. I've seen posts explaining why porn bots follow people, and I'd been blocking them anyways because weird, but what I can't figure out is why blogs that don't interact with me in any way shape or form follow me? And some of them are completely empty? Should I be blocking them? (Asking you because you're the oldest blog I currently follow, thank you in advance if you decide to respond.)

Unfortunately, Anon, it’s not really my area of expertise, because I have 15K followers, and a lot of them don’t interact with me, and some are empty. :D So I’ve never studied the issue; it may be related to porn bots. 

There are, however, good reasons this might happen! So I will speculate and any experts can chime in. 

For an empty blog or one that doesn’t interact, they could be newcomers to fandom who feel shy about reblogging or posting things; it took me a few days to figure out how to work tumblr and a few weeks to do so without fucking up regularly (I’m still working on “not fucking up occasionally”). Could also be that they have created a tumblr to track a few people whose content they want to read, but they either have a blog elsewhere that they use for interaction, or they don’t want to interact. (For example on the shitmeme, I know of at least one player who has an empty tumblr that they use solely to track the other players’ posts so it doesn’t fill up their personal dash.) Some people want to lurk, but lurking on social media is super hard if you don’t have an account. Making an empty account and following people you’re interested in is easier than going to ten different tumblrs every day. 

I think it’s also important to remember that tumblr serves a very different purpose from, say, Facebook. Facebook is primarily about you and what you think and what your friends think of what you think. Tumblr is about you sharing content with the world, and it may not necessarily be personal content. So someone may just have come upon your tumblr and thought you shared a lot of content they’re interested in – they may or may not be interested in you as a person, but they like the collection of work you’ve curated on your tumblr. There are a few people on my dash who I followed just because they were posting really interesting shit; because I’m gregarious we are now friends or at any rate regular interactors, but we started out as just “someone who is sharing content” and “someone who wishes to consume that content”. Likewise there are people on tumblr who I like or am friends with but who shares content that primarily I’m not interested in, so I don’t follow them.

I hope this helps! Fellow tumblrites feel free to chime in if you know more about this than I do, but remember to reblog or comment, since I don’t post asks sent in response to other asks. 

agesavage  asked:

Um hi? My name's Adrian, I got a voucher in the mail for a free mulligan at your company? I dont want to like, invent anything or steal anyone's music... No I've... ive got this really good idea for a tv show, but i think its too late to ever make it... I don't have anything else except just my blog, can you go back and like, make my younger self, like, rhink of all these ideas way earlier in life? I want to be a famous filmmaker already by now!

Rel Ative #2

>> Read the Intro

Support me on Patreon to read more stories like that and be able to get yourself into a story in the universe.

The woman looks you up and down with a smile: “Very well. You’re actually the first to ever use one of these vouchers. Here you go. Please follow me into the lab, where a time specialist will write down what you want to change about the past.”

You look at the woman in surprise. This seems a bit easy. You want to ask her where the catch is, but she’s already on her way and gesturing you to follow quickly. You do just that and are led to a small office with another woman sitting on a desk. You sit down on the other side.

“So.. Adrian is it?”. The woman has a cold attitude. “You want to put some ideas in your younger version’s head so that he can be successful earlier in life? It’s a common request honestly. I take it you do understand that with using the coupon you agree to take place in some more experimental procedures here at the company?”

“Experimental procedures?”, you ask. You hadn’t thought about that, but now you understand - why would they just give you access to such a costly technology for free? “What kind of experiment?”, you stammer.

“It’s nothing to worry about really”, the woman assures you. She looks up a few documents on her computer and seems to be browsing a list. “I do have some interesting experimental extras for your trip that fit your situation.”
“Will you tell me what they are?”, you wonder. The woman looks you up and down realizing that you’re about to bail out on the new information. “Really. I told you.. nothing to worry. One of the experimental methods is that instead of you actually writing down ideas on a sheet of paper, a machine will read your brain waves and automatically send everything to your past’s self. Isn’t that nice? You don’t have to do anything. We’re just trying to improve your experience.”
You feel a bit easier now, even though she has only revealed the meaning of one of the several checkboxes she has clicked. But it seems like they really only want to do the best possible service, so you agree to the terms. You’re led to the door and step through it.

The room behind it is completely white, like in sci-fi movies. Only a man in a white suit is inside waiting for you. You slowly move towards him. As the door closes behind you, you almost expect not to be able to breathe. That’s how alien this room looks to you. The man has a syringe in his hand. He tells you that he’ll need to inject you with this state-of-the-art anesthetic. As he does so, you feel the world get blurry and everything starts to spin slowly. It’s like being high, but soon your body loses the battle against the sleepiness. You fall on the floor and the last thing you see is more people in white clothes coming in to pick you up. Then everything goes dark.

“Welcome back to Jinkxed! The show where bimbos are made!” The crowd roars. Our candidates today have been more than interesting. Peter - a football coach - hasn’t started with a lot of IQ points, but has been able to keep more than our special guest Adrian - the original creator of this show. After five seasons he has finally admitted that when creating this show, all he really wanted was to be a candidate himself. He has been going to the randomizer four times every round so far and has been suffering the most amount of transformations I’ve ever seen somebody get this early in the game. Maybe he has been losing on purpose?” The camera is pointed at you. “How are you feeling Adrian?”

“Uhmm… like… super”, is what your mind scrambles together like on auto-pilot as the camera moves close to your face and you can see the reflection of a ditzy blonde bimbo with heavy makeup.
Your brain feels slow. What the hell is going on here? You vaguely remember the time travel service and the experiments. Oh shit! They must have messed up the ideas you had for tv shows and instead made your younger self interested in the same erotic fetishes you write up on your Tumblr blog. And now you are in the same situation - getting transformed into a fetish bimbo sex slave - and even worse, you chose to do so yourself. You feel a rush of horniness shoot through your body. The situation you’re in is both terrifying and extremely sexual. The fear of what you’ll turn out, in the end, is too much for you and a strong orgasm shakes your whole world. You want this. To give up control. To be transformed into your deepest darkest desires.

You realize you just had an orgasm on live tv. The tv host laughs and finally says: “Wow. The random orgasm card has really done a number on you. Anyhow, are you ready for your next path to the randomizer? Just hit the big red button in front of you, babe.”
As you hit the button you feel excited. What perverse fantasy of you will become true next?

“Aaand the slots are running. What will it be? Ohh there’s the first card - the high heel. Well looks like it’s game over for comfortable footwear for you. Your feet will be genetically altered so they always only fit in high heels. And here comes the second slot. Oh my.. another IQ drop. I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody go this low on their IQ. Oh my god it wasn’t finished. It’s a double .. noo a triple IQ drop. Is this even possible? Can somebody backstage confirm that we are even able to drop her IQ more than it already is? Wow.. the randomizer just keeps going so I guess it’s fine. And it’s one of the cruelest ones we have - the radar vision. Your eyes will forever only be able to focus on the biggest dick around you. It will help you find it so you can be an even better little bimbo. And the last one… uh, this is a special one. The leash. You’ll see what it does soon enough.

You’re brought backstage to the transformation machine, that you vaguely remember inventing yourself, because of your commitment to the bimbo fetish community from your early childhood. You always wanted to be a scientist just so you could invent this machine and your subconscious always wanted you to become the biggest bimbo there ever was. You started wearing women’s clothes and a chasity when you were just thirteen years old. Your mind must have been flooded with bimbofication porn. You’ve become a total sissy in this dimension. You think about how remarkable it is that you could’ve turned out to be in such a different position in this reality, but you cannot complete the thought because the machine starts its work on your brain and melts all thoughts away. You try to calculate simple math equations in your head to see if you’re still capable of basic thinking, but no matter how hard you try you cannot add one plus one together and soon you forget the concept of math or the idea that there is a “one” in the first place.

Only sexual energy remains. Horny. You’re so horny. Sex. “Fuck me”, you hear yourself say not sure to whom exactly, but your eyes are locked on the trousers of a man close to you.
You hear some strange mumblings that you cannot put into any words. Only the audience understands the language the presenter uses anymore and that your last card has been making you unable to walk. Instead, you’re bound to walking on all fours. As the next game continues nobody is able to stop laughing at you. They don’t see you as human anymore. This game has to do with some kind of forms on little fields, but you don’t understand.

Finally, the tv show host announces that you’ve lost this game as well. You’re brought to the randomizer a final time. This last game gave only one randomizer slot to you. It’s something no one in this show has seen before and even the production team look at each other in horror. Weeks later, you lay on the bed in the local brothel, getting fucked hard by a stranger. You are unable to move because your arms and legs have been removed. You’re so helpless and you love it. This is where you were meant to be. You feel like you’re nothing more than an expensive sex toy getting fucked by strangers several times a day. On the tv, there’s a news report about someone named Adrian - the inventor of a tv show and that apparently he has been cheating by preprogramming the randomizer. Of course, you don’t understand a word, but the guy behind you says: “Oh my god. The bitch did this to herself on purpose? How fucked up is that?”, but he doesn’t stop fucking you for a second.

Suddenly everything is dark again. You’re yourself again and you can think clearly. You hear voices in the distance. “Finally. We’re through. We’ve made it. We can take him back.”

You scream: “No stop… this is what I’ve wanted. I want to stay here.”, but it’s too late. You are sucked through the wormhole again and are back in your original reality - in your original body. You feel frustrated because you will never be able to feel the same bliss again in your life ever again.

Apparently, the company has been experimenting with a new technique that allows them to transport you back. You tell them that you didn’t want to go back and that everything was going exactly as you had planned it to go, but they only tell you that you can only get back by paying the regular amount of money, which is around a few million dollar. You are left here with the absolute need to become her - your perfect vision of bliss. Instead of falling into depression, though, you feel determined to go through with it and become the ultimate bimbo sissy in this reality as well. The future is yet to be written and you will be a dumb bimbo whore in it.


Support me on Patreon to read more stories like that and be able to get yourself into a story in the universe.

Having seen Kingsman nearly double digits in theatres (thank god it doesn’t cost me!), I’m now nit-picking to the extreme and taking notes. Things I’ve noticed or questioned in the last few viewings, in no particular order but designed to just let the world know I’m fucking pathetic. This should go without saying, but there’s probably some spoilers under here.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm a little nervous to ask this but I'm new to the Hannibal fandom or Hannibal in general and I've seen bits of amazing interpretations/analysis/meta here and there but I want to catch up with everything and don't really know where to start... Is there any masterpost or could you recommend me other blogs beside yours or just give me a general direction of where to look etc.? (I know this is a weird ask, I hope you understand what I mean and thank you for listening)

Haha, you shouldn’t have said “everything”! XD

My first and foremost recommendation is always #hannibal meta. Below are directions for how to look up posts before any date and time, which I recommend for getting back to the posts that came out while the show was airing. Usually, meta blossomed from right before the show started airing each season to about three months afterward, and then it would subside to lower levels with more speculation (and more drama XD) during hiatus. But you can find most everything still by just searching the tag, and it might be fun to read what people were saying as they were experiencing it. 

How to go to any date in general tumblr tags

just figured this out and i’m super excited~~~

So you know when you’re reading through general tumblr tags and the url looks like this (this is the url going one page back in that tag, from today, 3/30/2013):


Turns out the number at the end means something, and can be changed so you can go to the general tumblr tags for any date you specify.

For instance, if I want to go the one direction tag as of January 1, 2012, I would go to http://www.timestampgenerator.com, enter the date, and this number would be generated:


I replace the number in the above url with this number, to get this url:


And now I can see everything people tagged with “one direction” around the time of January 1, 2012. If you care about the exact timing, remember to specify your time zone (in GMT +/-x) and take note of the time zone that shows up by default on posts in dashboard mode (in xkit, you can set the time zone to your own with the ‘timestamp’ extension, other scripts and extensions may work differently).

What this number means (roughly) is the number of seconds that have passed since midnight January 1, 1970, GMT. It is also called Unix time and is a standard way of calculating timestamps for anything that is unix-based.


So just replace the example address above with “www.tumblr.com/tagged/hannibal%20meta?before=“ plus whatever number the timestamp generator gives you, and you can look at all the Hannibal meta that existed up to that date (I assume without posts or blogs that have been since deleted).

For fun, you could do it with #hannibal or with #hannigram, too. This could be a good throwback Thursday kind of activity.

Some blogs:

@22drunkb (she has her own masterpost, very organized, makes the rest of us look bad)

@genufa (I think she has a masterpost of just a few things, and then from there I suspect her tagging system is even worse than mine)

@existingcharactersdiehorribly (comprehensively tags, but I don’t think indexes…the mysteries of her tagging system have never been revealed to me)

A couple of the oldest meta blogs have deleted, so I can’t help you there, and there have been a few spectacular posts from people just wandering through, so the tag would be your best bet for that. 

Quite a few members of the fandom who are primarily fic writers or gif makers or artists or whatever dabble in meta fairly regularly. I don’t think I could give a comprehensive list without leaving people out, so I won’t try.  XD But you’ll see them in the tags or in the comments of the posts in the tags, so you’ll find them. 

Good luck and welcome!

anonymous asked:

Who Is Johan? I've seen a ship for him and usnavi on your tumblr and I'm really confused. I've seen In The Heights and I don't remember anyone named Johan. Is he like from a different fandom than in the heights?

Okay so!
Johan is Daveed’s character on Black ish
Johsnavi started out as a crack ship but its managed to build an amazing little community around it and i love this random little ship 💕💕💕

reggeliteam  asked:

can you or someone you know explain me why are Clint and Natasha soulmates? i've seen on Tumblr many people saying this. but i'm not really familiar with the comics. i'm currently reading captain america vol 5 so i don't know much about comic Clint but Bucky seems more - at least so far - like a soulmate to Nat for me because of their backstory

Oh, my friend, you have come to the right place.

First, let me be clear that my ship to end all ships is ClintBarton/Phil Coulson, and that my number one Natasha Romanoff ship is NatashaRomanoff/Bucky Barnes. Despite these ships Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff will always be soulmates to me. Why? Why are these two dorks soulmates?

Black Widow #6 (2014)

*brushes off old comic books and lots of feels*

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

one of the worst things i've seen on tumblr is how biased their views on racism are, basically i saw a post where it said black people were more oppressed then any other race in history & they were using the whole slavery thing to guilt people into feeling bad for it then someone pointed out that there have been other countries with slavery/who still have slavery that were more oppressed(south east asians) but apparently they didn't count bc they weren't black/ethnic enough. i hate tumblr.

Literally, the word “slave” get its roots from the word “Slav”. Y’know, Slavic people. Who are from Europe. And are white.

But no, it’s obviously only black people who can complain about slavery.

My (Oddly Specific) GCSE Advice

So it’s begun: you’re in year 11 (or year 10) and the dreaded May/June exams are creeping ever closer. But have no fear! GCSEs are hard, yes, and getting harder still, but they’re definitely not impossible as long as you remain realistic. With that being said, here’s some simple but oddly specific advice that you’re probably heard before that I’m gonna tell you again based on what I did and didn’t do in May/June of this year and the run-up to it, and how well it worked for me (side note: some of this is quite subjective so you may have to just weight up how useful it is for you particularly)

Okay, so!

1) Learn how you revise best now, not in January. This is probably common sense to most of you but it wasn’t to me and a lot of my friends, and it was one of the things I wished I could’ve done differently after it all ended. If you’re in year 11, then now’s the best time to start trying different techinques for revising different subjects and seeing what fits you best. (If you’re in year 10, even better!) If flashcards are your go-to in science like me, fantastic! It never hurts to try a new technique, though, and even if you never use it again, at least you’ve tried it. I found out in April that mind maps helped me tie information together in Chemistry and English Lit and I wish I would’ve found that out earlier so I could’ve used it more effectively. This, however, leads me to my next point:

2) If it doesn’t work for you, don’t do it. I don’t care if every single person in your year uses mindmaps for geography, if you don’t like them then don’t use them. If all your friends listen to music while doing work but you need complete silence, sit by yourself. If having things explained to you helps it go in, ask a friend or a teacher to walk you through things and find YouTube videos on the topic (there are so many seriously). Simple. It sounds like stupid advice but getting bogged down in what you think you should be doing based on what other people do is a waste of time. If it works, use it. If it doesn’t, leave it.

3) Learn how to be alone. Again, a bit random, but I know a lot of people who missed so much revision because they didn’t want to be left out of what their friends were doing. If your friends are going to McDonalds but you really need to go over the limestone cycle, then make plans for another day. If your friends are messing around in your lesson but you really don’t understand coastal management strategies, get your head down and work on it. At the end of the day, they’re your GCSEs, not theirs, and those hour long sessions at McDonalds every week can add up before you even notice it. Having said that:

4) Allow yourself time to relax every day. You shouldn’t be working yourself into a coma, and having breaks every day and week are not only important, but necessary. You will burn out so, so quickly if you work hours on end every day with no breaks, and even if you somehow don’t collapse, you will have been miserable for so long for no reason. GCSEs are important but they are not the end of the world. You need to have a life outside of them, so spend an hour a day just watching YouTube videos or playing games or even just sleeping. Do your work, obviously, but don’t neglect taking care of yourself within that. I tried to work like that and I ended up spending all of Easter recovering from a mental breakdown and losing so much time. Your health is important, mental, emotional and physical, and GCSEs don’t change that.

5) If WHEN you need help, ask for it sooner rather than later. This applies to school work, mental health, at home, with friends, everything. GCSEs are stressful and it’s very hard to do them all alone and you don’t have to. If you don’t understand something, ask your teacher or an older student, because teachers specifically are paid to help you and beyond that, they want you to succeed and you deserve to succeed. If you’re feeling lonely, tell your friends and organise a get together to get you out of your own head. If the stress is feeling like it’s getting too much or it’s exacerbating your other mental health problems, talk to an adult you trust, like a teacher or a doctor or a parent/carer. Whatever it is, ask someone and they will help you, and if they can’t help you, they will find someone who can.

6) Mocks are useful but are not final. If you do a mock and get your target grade, fantastic! You know that whatever you’re doing is working and you can keep doing it. If you get less than your target grade, it’s not the end of the road and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it by the time the real exams roll around. Regardless of the result, look at the actual questions, what you got right and why, what you got wrong and why, what didn’t you anticipate and how the mark scheme works. Don’t just see the grade and congratulate yourself/demean yourself and move on, learn from it. Everyone says that and I’m saying it again because it’s important.

7) Other people’s grades are irrelevant to your own. If you get a 6 on a test and someone gets an 8, congratulate them but don’t dwell on the fact that their grade is higher. If you get a 9 and your friend gets a 5, help them with stuff they struggled with if they need it and move on. Your GCSE grades should be your focus, not other people’s. Some people will do better than you, some will do worse, some people will work exceptionally hard and some people will barely show up to exams. None of that is your problem. Your only problem is making sure you get the grades you deserve in August. In the same vein:

8) You are not obligated to help everyone just because you can. If you’re good at English, that’s fantastic, but don’t get caught in the trap of helping everyone and leaving so little time for yourself that you struggle to get work done. You have teachers for a reason, so if your friends & classmates are coming to you so frequently that you’re struggling to find time for your own work, tell them (nicely) that you need to prioritise yourself. This isn’t selfish, it’s smart, and it took me way too long to do this when I started struggling to help people and get my work done at the same time. (But if you do ask your friends for help, don’t feel guilty!! Just try and balance out how much you’re asking them and how much you’re asking other people)

9) Past papers are your best friend in the world. USE THEM. I know that for many of your exams this year, you’re probably sitting the first paper in the series and so there are no past papers, so my advice for you there is to find specimen papers, which is what I used for maths and English revision, and people like CGP make pretty good example papers to practise with as well. If you’re doing a subject that has past papers, then USE THEM because you can revise all the content in the world, but if you don’t practise understanding the questions and what the mark schemes want from you, it’s not going to get you as far as it could.

10) And finally, always remember that, as cliche as it is, GCSE results don’t define you. I know you hear it all the time and I know that it always feels like something that people say to console you about getting grades that aren’t what you wanted and I know it doesn’t lessen the stress (believe me, I got so sick of hearing it last year), but it’s true. Your GCSEs are only a very small part of your life, educational and otherwise, and it’s not worth ruining your health and your happiness over. At the end of the day, it’s better to get grades that are maybe slightly less than what you wanted and have taken care of yourself than it is to get the grades you were targeted but be completely unhappy and stressed and lonely the whole time. As long as you pass your subjects, anything else is a bonus.

Okay, that was a bit long but there we have it! Obviously there are other tips and advice for GCSEs that I haven’t touched on here, but there is so much advice floating around on Tumblr and the Internet as a whole. If nothing else, just remember that you will get through this and you can often achieve much more than you give yourself credit for. Good luck!!

(Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about GCSEs, I’m always happy to help!)

Feuilly and Montparnasse

[Modern AU, foster siblings/friendship, ~ 850 w. ]

Feuilly is tired but content as he sets off for home. He worked late again, but it was worth it, it’s so much better to go home knowing he just wrapped up a project. The streets he walks through are all comfortably familiar to him, Feuilly can navigate them without actually paying attention. That’s why it’s rather late before he realizes that someone is leaning against the metro entrance when he approaches it. Someone that’s looking at him and that has an oddly familiar-

“Montparnasse?” Feuilly starts.

The dark haired boy grins and pushes away from the wall. “Hi,” he says, sounding utterly casual.

Feuilly almost raises his arms impulsively, but he stops himself. Montparnasse never did like hugs. “It’s good to see you,” he says and he means that sincerely.

Instead of giving a proper answer Montparnasse looks him over and says, with a slight grimace: “You have a beard.”

The corner of Feuilly’s mouth twitches into a smile. Montparnasse hasn’t changed. Or…maybe he has. Despite the familiar all black he looks different. Older, of course, but also… “It’s been a while,” he remarks.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Biggest mistake I ever made, when going to the other side of tumblr to search for some Harry Potter analysis and saw "Snape was [insert some wannabe, poorly written without any texual evidence claims]" I legit rolled my eyes so many times that I'm cross-eyed. A popular theme seems to be Snape was a {nazi} abusive teacher. Is it weird that i don't find him that particularly nasty? I've had worse teachers tbh. In fact I don't remember Snape ever hitting a student or phsycially abusing them...

It’s the saddest thing about the divisions in fandom, to me, to be honest.  I generally post about Snape, and when I post about other characters, I generally post about them through Snape’s lens - so I am very aware that there’s 90% of Potter that I just don’t remotely touch.

And I am certain, given the meta that we all come up with in our part of fandom, that fandom is just as active for other characters - and I am sure there are interpretations and revelations in the story when seen through the lens of other characters that I haven’t thought of, and would be genuinely enlightened by.

…it’s just, I don’t bother to look for it, because I know when a blogger offers their view with a side of ridiculous fanon-based Snape hate, I can’t take the rest of their discourse seriously.

I don’t have a problem with someone disliking Snape for canon reasons, and I don’t have a problem with someone finding his teaching style appalling…I think the difficulty, for me, is twofold:

1)  it’s the application of current standards to a historical situation…Snape’s behaviour it seems, is far worse by today’s standards than it was in the 90s; I don’t think he was intended to be a ‘child abuser’ - he was just nasty.  

2)  it’s the vacuum in which the critique takes place.  Rarely do you see anyone evaluating all of the Hogwarts staff, or accepting that other teachers behave in ways that are as flawed as Snape’s actions, or interrogating the behaviour of other adults in the series.  Snape is held up on his own as the example of all that is horrendous in the series.

And even that I don’t have a problem with, as long as it’s tagged as anti - and then at least I don’t have to look at it.

bluetheon  asked:

Do you think Sansa is knowingly poisoning Sweetrobin? I've seen a few well-known blogs making the argument that she's doing it on purpose but I'm not convinced. I don't think she understands how dangerous sweetsleep is. For reference: bluetheon(.)tumblr(.)com/post/165242694491/maidenoftheforestlight-alayne-stonecoldfox and I just saw another pretty popular blog say that she is willingly poisoning him too which bugged me so I thought I'd ask what you think. It's just so unlike Sansa. :/

now, given that I haven’t read anything from TWOW except the theon chapter because I’m weak like that but like I don’t want to form ideas based on pre-released chapters that might or might not get changed when they’re published, so like I’ve just read up what’s in that meta, and like… I think she’s aware on a subconscious level but hasn’t really realized it yet, but that at the same time it ties into a larger theme as in ‘grrm is making the stark children go through a lot of very dark shit and is putting in question a lot of things we should have assumed’. I had written something about it once let me see if I can find it, but anyway, basic background of my Large Starks Theory: they started out as the heroes and they will end up as the heroes, but right now they’re all going through a morally gray/morally questionable moment/phase while the Lannisters are also being turned on their head except for cersei - I mean cersei’s always been herself except she gets more bonkers with time, but tyrion started as a sympathetic figure who had to be on the villain side and now he’s going over to another hero side, jaime started out as OMG SO TERRIBLE (to the not-in-depth-read anyway) and now he’s turning out as one of the people in the series with the most sensed views about anything + one of the few reliable narrators when it doesn’t concern his feelings about being like cersei in asos + a fairly decent guy all things considered. Like, we started with good starks and bad lannisters and now we are with grey starks and getting-better lannisters and we’ll end with good starks and two good-ish lannisters on three. Now, what I mean with the starks are going through their morally gray phase, if I can find that post I made a while ago gdi I can’t find it AH WELL:

  • arya is training at an assassins’ school where the basic point of it is killing people after renouncing your identity
  • bran is turning into the westeros big brother pretty much and while I don’t think that in the show they realized that it probably will not turn him into a robot who sends meera off without so much a thank you, I’m 99% sure they weren’t making it up with hodor and like… he’s younger than twelve. that’s a lot of power. on top of that he had done exactly all the things varamyr said in the adwd prologue that wargers should not do (ie warging into people, eating meat while in an animal and I can’t remember the third but back when I checked, he did that as well), that’s not kindergarten material
  • rickon is being pretty much literally raised by wolves/wildlings on an island known because there’s cannibals on it and he hasn’t seen his family since he was four, as much as osha can be a good influence the moment he goes back to civilization manderly is going to be very wtf at least
  • jon has died and will come back to life which is most probably going to leave him fairly more traumatized than in the show and his entire arc in adwd was about how he has to do a lot of things that he’d have previously found despicable because he’s a lord commander and he has a duty (do we remember the whole deal with gilly’s baby?)
  • catelyn is a zombie who only wants revenge and she’s so past morally gray, she’s turned into riverlands!aerys which is why I’m putting my money on brienne killing her to save jaime but never mind that
  • and lastly.. sansa is stuck with LF who’s using her in his ploys while also being a total creep with her and who wants to marry her because he was in love with her mother (yikes) and who’s made her at least complicit in the whole sweetsleep scheme, which is what would put her in the morally gray column for now

now, I do think she doesn’t realize the extent of what she’s doing and that from what it looks like in the preview chapter she seems very immersed in her alayne part - I mean, again I haven’t read that, but looking at the quotes in that meta,

She put a finger to his lips. “I know what you want, but it cannot be. I am no fit wife for you. I am bastard born.”
“I don’t care. I love you best of anyone.”
You are such a little fool.


Maester Colemon cares only for the boy, though. Father and I have larger concerns.

now, idk the context, but that doesn’t sound like sansa to me, that sounds like how alayne should sound, but like… that’s the point, that’s not sansa. that’s sansa at her lowest point while she’s being made complicit in the scheme, but who doesn’t fully realize the extent of it yet I think - the second person has a point when it says that LF is also building this so he can frame her but he won’t get his way, most probably because that person is not sansa and sansa wouldn’t do that, so the moment she actually realizes it and puts two and two together she’ll stop it or do something to change the tide. like, LF has to die and he most probably will because he underestimated her (also as the other meta-er said I’m 99% sure she’s gonna run into brienne and jaime so there’s that too), but sansa has to go through the ‘what the fuck are you doing this is wrong WHAT’ moment because that’s what… all of her living family is doing.

I don’t think she can’t know at all because I mean, she’s not an idiot and those conversations with the maester plus LF laying his plan down are fairly obvious - anyone would put two and two together and I think she has but she just doesn’t want to admit it, which is why I’m midway - I don’t think she willingly is doing it but I think she knows she’s doing it on some level.

mind that I think it might go like this also because grrm already did all of that with theon - in adwd if you start from reek you see him knowing things but apparently denying them in the pov/trying to not think about them/saying or thinking the things reek should say or think or do same as sansa is doing above with alayne - a lot of shit theon does/says/thinks in reek 1, 2 and 3 is not him, it’s what he thinks he has to be in order to survive ramsay and like, the concept is exactly the same, but the more adwd went on the more he was forced to realize that he was not reek, he could not be reek and he didn’t want to be reek, and like… he knew that jeyne was jeyne and not arya, he tried to ignore it as long as he could, he knew what was happening to her and tried to block it out, he couldn’t, the moment he puts two and two together and realizes where he went wrong/who he wants to be/what he wants to do with his life and his choices, the first thing he does is saving her hide. it’s the exact same pattern except that we saw sansa going from sansa to alayne and we didn’t see theon going from theon to reek (THANK FUCK), but we’re going to see sansa to alayne to sansa again I think, and that includes her admitting to herself what the hell they’re doing and realizing it’s not who she wants to be or what she wants to be. which would put her back in the good guys camp, though with a lot less naivety I suppose, which is what I think is going on with all her siblings, so… yeah that’s what I got.

tldr: I think she knows what she’s doing on a very deep/subconscious level but doesn’t want to admit it and that she will have to and that it’s part of her family’s overall arc as ‘go from good guys to morally gray and then back to good’ and in order for her to be *properly* grey at least for that chunk of her arc she has to be aware of it on some level. obviously I don’t think it makes her a horrible person also because it was all LF’s ploy and she’s being manipulated/convinced into it by a fairly creepy guy who couldn’t care less about her well-being and only wants to marry her because he was in love with her damned mother so she’s also LF’s victim in all of this along with sweetrobin but it’s another level of it and I think that assuming she has no idea whatsoever.

btw meanwhile I did find that post where I discussed the thing so if you want the more in-depth version http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/134282706508/hi-i-that-post-you-answered-about-theon-being XDD

anonymous asked:

Everytime i see a post saying "bilinguals don't switch/confuse languages" i feel like an idiot because i can speak/write in 3 languages (fluently!!! Like, i've been learning since i was 3!!) But sometimes i do confuse them like one time i was talking to my german friend and then i ramdomly told him something in romanian???? He looked so confused and i was like "what?? Did i do domething??" Like damn am i just stupid or??? Does anyone else get it???

Dude I relate to this!! Except like in the opposite way? I speak 4 languages. I took 4 years of Russian and 6 years of French, so I’m decent in both of those. English is technically my second language, but I feel like it’s my first? It’s my major in school, and definitely the language I’m best at. I was born in Bulgaria. Bulgarian was my first language - I speak it fluently, I can read and write okay, and while I was there during the summers I passed through 4th grade, but we moved to the US when I was two and a half, so I definitely make a lot of mistakes. Because of that, I second guess myself a lot. We have accents and vowel sounds that sound moderately similar, and even when they don’t, even when I know I’m right, I convince myself I’m wrong while writing. I watched La La Land with my grandma a few weeks ago, and translated while reading the English subtitles, and I actually did a really good job! She even cried at the end, lol. But a common issue for me was the fact that I would go to say a Bulgarian word, and then I’d be like “naaaahhhh, that’s not a real Bulgarian word, is it? Is it an English word that I’m convincing myself is a Bulgarian word by saying it in a Bulgarian accent?” And honestly every time I second guessed, I was right, and it was indeed an actual Bulgarian word. 
That said, I don’t think I’ve ever responded to a friend in Bulgarian? Unless I was on the phone with my mom and just talked back to my friend in it my accident if I was being talked to at the same time? While trying to speak Russian I often accidentally switch to French or Bulgarian, lol, because Russian is my weakest least-familiar language. I associate French with Russian, because I was learning them at the same time, and I associate Bulgarian with Russian because they’re very similar languages (which is actually why I took Russian i the first place lol). When writing Russian I tend to spell things wrong sometimes because I’ll spell something the Bulgarian way, or I’ll just forget how to spell it in Russian. (I also drop accents all the time in French, and my verb endings can be a bit of a tragedy :/)
My most common problem, however, is speaking Bulgarian, and accidentally switching into English. When I speak English to my parents, I speak in their Bulgarian accent, and all of us often pepper in Bulgarian words, and create out own little combo language. So any time I try to speak Bulgarian to my parents, I often slip into that English, and same goes for them. That happens with my brother, too. In most situations, it’s usually because I can’t think of a word in Bulgarian, so I switch languages to accommodate it.
There are rare instances, however, where I don’t know English words for things. Like, I’m far more knowledgeable on the names of car parts in Bulgarian than I am in English. Also spices, herbs, and flowers. Actually, no, that’s a lie probably. I know a lot of names in both, I just don’t know their counterpart? Like, when we cook food, sometimes we use джоджен (djodjen), and until I googled it just now, I would never have been able to tell you that that is mint. I’m actually deeply shocked, because we also have мента (menta), which is also mint, so I’m not sure what the difference is?? Is one supposed to be peppermint?? ( @snaps7 or @justbooklover do you know??) Alas, I digress. The point is, sometimes I don’t know English words for things, or I do know the English word and it has suddenly left my brain (which totally happens to everyone in their native language, don’t even lie.) and it’s in situations like those when the Bulgarian word hops in, and takes over, and then I’m like no no, and then another English word pops in, and it’s about 5 years later when I suddenly remember.
The common example of this that I’ve seen on tumblr is “what’s that word again? y’know, for people stealing??” and as I’m trying to remember, the Bulgarian word would go through my head, and then I’d probably move back into English and be like “Baby snatching?? No. And it’s not babysitting either, obviously.” And then I would proceed to repeat babysitting to myself because it’s all I can think of because I’m dumb. And then I will give up, and then a while later, all of a sudden, “KIDNAPPING! THE WORD IS KIDNAPPING!”
So I guess in all of this, what I’m trying to say is that I never really accidentally speak in my other languages, or specifically my secondary language (I’m referring to Bulgarian as my secondary language, because in all honesty, as sad as that makes me, it definitely is at this point), I guess, which is why I relate in the opposite. I do it under very specific circumstances.
1) If I’m already speaking it to some capacity, like if I’m on the phone with my mom while one of my friends is trying to talk to me, or if I’m slipping in and out of Bulgarian to talk to my brother about a movie.
Or 2) If I’m reaching for a word, and I start to doubt myself and my knowledge - that’s where I trip up. And the sad part is that if I can’t think of a word in Bulgarian, I just sort of sift through other words to go around them - which is a bad habit, but hey, it works! So if I can’t think of the word kidnap in Bulgarian, or if I’m not sure I can spell it, I usually would just be like “they stole him away!” or something like that, so if you have this problem too, not gonna lie that’s a pretty good method (although simply expanding your vocabulary is probably the better more difficult option :/)
All of that said, you’re totally not stupid. The fact that you can speak 3 languages fluently clearly proves that you’re anything but!! Everyone messes up I know plenty of people who speak only English and do so with terrible grammar, and they honestly have no excuses. And you know what, you may have answered your friend in Romanian, but I bet it was freakin’ perfect Romanian. Most of the time, we think about what we want to say, and our brain talks to our mouth, and everything works out the way it should. Other times, our mouth just kinda says fuck it and runs away. For most people, this means rambling, or word vomit, or suddenly losing the capability to speak properly for whatever reason. For people who know multiple languages, sometimes that means bursting out in another language, and that’s totally okay! Own it! My friends always get really excited when they hear my speak Bulgarian, and I bet yours probably dig the Romanian too :) You should always be proud that you can speak three languages fluently.

@snaps7 @justbooklover @wrathofabooklover and any one else who speaks multiple languages - any thoughts on the subject? What are your experiences? 

anonymous asked:

I saw on tumblr a part of a comic where Raph is upset because he is craving a mother figure but none of his brothers seem to care, but April is there to comfort him. Besides seeing that, I wouldn't have pegged him down to crave a mother figure. What are your thoughts on him and his family craving a mother and closeness?

Hi there, anon! First off, I assume this is the comic part you’re talking about:

We’re gonna get to that real soon.

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