i don't like this very much but i had fun doing it

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyes from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizrd-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly,<i> these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system?? Muggleborns are badasses!!</i>
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are <i>terrified</i> of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.
Harry's interview on Quotidien
  • I: Can you hear me?
  • H: Yes
  • I: Welcome to Paris!
  • H: Thank you
  • I: How are you? Can you answer in French?
  • H: Good! A little bit. A tiny bit. Très bien et toi ?(very good and you?)
  • I: Very good, thank you. We start our interviews with “can you give us your five favourites words in English or French. Or a French sentence”. Someone told me you knew a French sentence.
  • H: Comment vous faites un café si délicieux? (How do you make such a delicious coffee?)
  • I: OK, that’s good.
  • H: That’s all I have.
  • I: Do you say it very often?
  • H: No... Yes
  • I: What does France mean to you? Is it something, someone etc...?
  • H: Best people I’ve known... I think her, *shows a fan* I guess. Fabien Barthez.
  • I: Yes, Fabien Barthez. Harry, you’re 23 years old and you’re one of the best known pop-star in the world. Everybody has expectations with your new album and single Sign Of The Times. Why did you choose that song? This is not what people were expecting.
  • H: I think I wanted to.. I've always liked music that made me feel something. You know I think writing it I could feet something I wanted to bring it out. I think it's a good indicator for me of what the album is to me. That's why I wanted to go with that first.
  • I: Billboard wrote that the single was "one of the more ambitious opening statements in pop this decade". Not bad, isn't it?
  • H: Thanks!
  • I: Do you have friends working at Billboard?
  • H: I don't know anyone at Billboard.
  • I: When we listen to the song we think of David Bowie, Queen, who else did you think of?
  • H: I mean, I think everyone, anything, any song you've ever listened to growing up or throughout your life or you've enjoyed, inspired you. There are a lot of different things. I wanted to just write and see what came out. I didn't know what I sounded like to make an album. So this process was as interesting for me as I think it will be for people listening to the album for the first time.
  • I: Do you know French singers other than Serge Gainsbourg? That's a tricky question.
  • H: I know Woodkid. He directed my music video.
  • I: Why him?
  • H: I think his videos are amazing, he's a really talented guy and I love French people so I worked with him.
  • I: When you're in Spain, do you say that you love Spanish people?
  • H: No!
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy...
  • H: Great tie.
  • I: You think so? It's French.
  • H: It's not a Spanish tie, isn't it?
  • I: Can I see your loafer? Oh yes! What is the brand? That's not French, isn't it? It's Italian.
  • H: No.
  • I: That's from the European Union!
  • H: Probably yeah.
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy for you, is it true?
  • H: Was what simple?
  • I: Your life, everybody wants a life like yours, with One Direction...
  • H: I mean, I feel very lucky to be able to make music, I feel very lucky to be able to make this, I feel very lucky today being in France and performing my song. I love this song. I can't complain.
  • I: What were the unpleasant things?
  • H: *thinking*
  • I: I don't know, say only one thing.
  • H: I think when you care so much about something, it's hard to get to the point where you feel like it's finished and it feels like you're adding and it never ends and it adds up. So I think the hardest part was getting into that point and be like "ok that's finished."
  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don't know, I put a lot of work into this. I don't feel like it revolves around woman. It's a lot about me and things I've never said before. It's more about me.
  • I: How did you start with a boy band and end with a solo career? Is it complicated?
  • H: It's been a lot of fun. You know we were very lucky to get to do some amazing things and at the moment in our lives, we're in a time where everyone is trying their own thing and have a good time. It's been amazing to see everyone doing their own thing as well. If I can do as well as the others, it'd be amazing.
  • I: Do you call them everyday or text them? Do you use What's app?
  • H: I don't have that.
  • I: Why?
  • H: Yes we talk, absolutely. And everyone is bringing stuff out. It's been a lot going on. It's been a good time.
  • I: This is the album cover! Can you describe it? Why did you choose this picture?
  • H: Yeah. So, I don't know. I worked with photographer Harley Weir, I'm a massive fan of her work. And that's amazing and I was lucky enough to work with her. I felt like this was what I wanted.
  • I: Why is it pink? Why the water? Why your back? Why? It's beautiful but why is it pink?
  • H: I don't know, man!
  • I: Really? You don't know?
  • H: I don't know. I don't think I want...
  • I: Apparently pink is Rock'n'roll's colour.
  • H: Apparently so. I don't know. I think it means something to me and if it means anything to anyone else, I wouldn't want to take away from that by explaining it. I think the cool thing about stuff like photos and art is you can just leave it. You don't have to explain it.
  • I: Everybody sees what they want to see.
  • H: Yes exactly.
  • I: Have you seen this?
  • *video of people reacting to Harry's single*
  • I: Your fans record themselves while listening to the song for the first time. You can hear relevant analysis and apparently they all really liked it. Do you read what people say about you on social media? On Youtube, Twitter, Instagram? Do you use Instagram?
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit.
  • *The public disagrees with Harry*
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit. I mean I wish everyone was having as good time as the girl who was like that with her hands. That's what I do when I listen to the song.
  • I: Are you the one using your Instagram? Do you use your own fingers or someone else does it for you?
  • H: Yes, I do mine.
  • I: Do you still vote in Redditch?
  • H: In?
  • I: Redditch!
  • H: That's where I was born?
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I don't live in Redditch.
  • I: So you don't vote there. Where did you vote?
  • H: London, yeah.
  • I: What do you think of the Brexit? Welcome to Europe!
  • H: Thank you very much, thanks. I mean, I don't really comment on politics. To me, anything that brings people together is better than things that pull people apart. That's ... yeah.
  • I: Yet, you are in favour of equality of rights, men, women, gay people, straight people... That's politics.
  • H: I don't know. It doesn't feel like politics. I think stuff like equality feels much more fundamental. I feel like everyone is equal. That doesn't feel like politics to me.
  • I: Your fans are fetishists. They know all of your tattoos, piece of jewellery, they have heart attacks when you cut your hair. Right now you're playing with their feelings. Do you know that?
  • H: Oh ok.
  • I: Yes! What is your favourite tattoo?
  • H: I think... I have a.. probably. I don't know, actually.
  • I: Which one is the latest?
  • H: The latest is this one there. *shows Arlo* And this one. *shows Jackson*
  • I: Jackson? All of them?
  • H: Yes.
  • I: What's the story behind your haircut? How much did you spend on hair products with One Direction?
  • H: Yeah, like a lot. I used a lot, yeah.
  • I: You're in Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new movie.
  • H: Yes.
  • I: How did you do?
  • H: I auditioned.
  • I: Look at you there.
  • H: I am, that's me.
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I auditioned and it was great. It's going to be a really cool movie.
  • I: Harry, it feels like we know you since you're a baby. The whole world discovered you in 2010 on X Factor.
  • *video of Harry's X Factor audition*
  • I: You auditioned alone but Simon Cowell had an idea... he put you in a band with Zayn, Louis, Liam and Niall. You became One Direction. You found the name One Direction and you sold millions of albums. One Direction are soon considered as the new Beattles and you filled the biggest stadiums. The whole world was talking about you. When you go out we prayed for your eardrums. You became UK's pride. David Cameron is in one of your music videos, your sang for the Queen. But in 2015... bang! Zayn left the band, fans couldn't get over it. But don't worry, their favourite is now on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, he's in Christopher Nolan's new movie, he's Mick Jagger on SNL... What you don't know is that we've met in 2012. You were in France to promote an album and now I have questions. First one! When you're in a car and fans are all around you, do you see that?
  • *video of fans around a car*
  • H: I think I've actually lost my shoe there. When I got in the car... I got in the car and I was like "how many shoes do I have?" Yes I lost my shoe.
  • I: I have another question! Do you still do that before going on stage?
  • *video of Harry and Lou*
  • I: Can we do it?
  • H: No.
  • *does it anyway*
  • I: What is the weirdest question someone asked you?
  • H: I think it was actually a French interview. I got asked if I would pee in a sink... Yeah.
  • I: Ok, that's weird!
  • H: It was the first question, the first question.
  • I: It puts you in the mood.
  • H: Yeah.
  • I: What is the question you never want to be asked ever again? Did I asked you that question?
  • *Harry asks the public*
  • H: Which one? Oh crush.
  • I: What?
  • H: Crush.
  • I: Oh ok. I didn't ask it! Did you know that a French author wrote a novel about you. It's called "Styles", it's about his obsession with you. It's in French. You can translate it.
  • H: Oh! Is that true?
  • I: Yes it's true. He dedicated to you. It's called "Styles" and it's a really good book. Read it!
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Thank you very much Harry Styles for coming tonight. His first eponymous album comes out on the 12th May. Thank you Harry Styles.
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Have a safe journey home.

(long post, sorry)

In spite of everything I love Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it does not work like that.  Second, she’s not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11” of pure muscle and is not top heavy)

If you want a good Harley backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look like self-harm or is well covered up. 

When Arkham accepts her, fresh from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves, self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru. The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.

After her weekend of freedom she would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous, cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it. She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it when he likes things.

It’s wrong and unprofessional, the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to protect and nurture something so important to him.

When the choice comes between her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question. She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a bun.

Deadpool (2016) Sentence Starters
  • "Shit... did I leave the stove on?"
  • "You're my hero!"
  • "No, no, no, THAT I ain't."
  • "I had another Liam Neeson nightmare."
  • "You know, they made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."
  • "What the SHIT?"
  • "I'm gonna wait out here, okay?"
  • "Fake laughter. Hiding real pain."
  • "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s."
  • "Yeah, technically, this is murder."
  • "Love is blind, ____."
  • "This shit's gonna have nuts in it."
  • "You're a lovely lady/man, but I'm saving myself for ____."
  • "That's why I brought him/her."
  • "Do you like what you see?"
  • "Your face is the stuff of nightmares."
  • "Like a testicle with teeth."
  • "You will die alone."
  • "You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado."
  • "So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?"
  • "Think of it like spring cleaning."
  • "Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."
  • "Finish fucking her the fuck up."
  • "Language, please."
  • "Suck a cock!"
  • "I'd go with you, but... I don't want to."
  • "If your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"
  • "Maximum effort."
  • "I'd say that you sound like an infomercial. But not a good one, like Slap Chop, more Shake Weight-y."
  • "Do you want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II."
  • "Listen ___, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much."
  • "Wanna get fucked up?"
  • "Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?"
  • "Fuck me!"
  • "I don't have time for your goody two-shoes bullshit right now!"
  • "Why such a douche this morning?"
  • "Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up."
  • "Today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."
  • "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."
  • "You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!"
  • "That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long."
  • "You're really gonna fuck this up for me?"
  • "You've got something in your teeth."
  • "Do you have an off switch?"
  • "We have everything we need now."
  • "I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window."
  • "Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?"
  • "That was not mean! I'm proud of you!"
  • "I'm gonna need all the guns."
  • "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
  • "Seltzer water and lemon for blood."
  • "It reeks like old lady pants in here."
  • "Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time."
  • "Four or five moments. That's all it takes to become a hero."

anonymous asked:

So Peggy starts the best bar fights? Elaborate, please.

oh man, those were the good old days. 

the howlies got in a lot of bar fights. you might think that the last thing a bunch of soldiers would want to do with their free time is fight people, but actually bar fights were a great stress relief. nobody really got seriously injured, and we tried to keep property damage to a minimum.  (and we also almost never started bar fights, for the record. most of the time it was guys from another unit who wanted to prove how badass they were by taking on the infamous howling commandos.) so bar fights themselves weren’t that unusual.

but peggy’s bar fights…oh, they were glorious. 

see, peggy never got in a fight for no reason; she was smarter than that. but when she did fight, it was truly beautiful. ive never seen a better right cross, before or since.

so one time we were on leave, sipping drinks in this english pub. the howlies were at the back table, enjoying a couple pitchers, while peggy was up at the bar, chatting with the barmaid. many of the bars and pubs back then had female bartenders–filling the gaps with the men off at war. and generally barmaids (which was what a female bartender was called back then) were the sort of girl pegs got along with–sensible, dependable, and not willing to take shit from any man. so she often enjoyed commiserating with the barmaids while we drank. she used to say she had to be free of us ‘charming gentlemen’ before she wound up blowing things up as erratically as we did. which was hurtful. our explosions were very intentional.
mostly.

so peggy got to chat about the best ways to hurl drunken idiots out doors and we got to ply steve with alcohol to see how much booze it would take to make him drunk. (tragically, we never found out.)

on this particular occasion, peggy was sitting at the bar when this mountain of a man came in. and i mean huge. thor-sized. like the hulk’s pinker younger brother. and with him came a dozen or so of his closest friends, all locals. (they may also have been poorly disguised orcs. im not sure, but i wouldn’t discount it as a possibility after seeing all the nonsense ive seen) the group of them made their way up to the bar, wedged their way in, and started harassing the barmaid. 

now, i don’t know what they said. peggy refused to repeat it. all i know is that one of the larger idiots said something stupid, laughed, and reached out to grope the barmaid. his hand made it about six inches from her chest when peggy’s fist broke his nose. he hit the floor like a tree falling, and the bar went quiet for a split second before one exceptionally suicidal idiot lunged at peggy.

everything went crazy. there were a good few dozen of us 107th guys in the bar, and all of us knew and adored pegs, so when the mountain-men went after her, every fine man of the 107th went after them. but it turned out that the locals defended their own, and we were pretty evenly matched for numbers. within seconds, everyone was throwing punches. bottles were thrown. dernier used a tablecloth to blind a man and threw him out a window. dumdum used one guy’s fists to hit another guy. i hurled bottlecaps at people’s eyeballs, because it’s fun.(im a sniper. we like distance) steve tried to wade through the chaos to get to peggy, but people kept punching him and then clutching their hands in agony, so he got kind of bogged down. 

at the bar, peggy was demonstrating exactly why she was the 107th’s darling–because she could put a grown man twice her size on the ground in two seconds flat. she knocked out six men; seven more promptly fell in love with her. 

as the chaos began to wind down, most of the locals had either been beaten down or fled, and only the mini-hulk and a couple others were left, brawling like berserkers. we were just about ready to turn steve loose on them when the barmaid handed peggy a stool. peggy took it, walked up behind where most of us howlies were still duking it out, and broke the stool over the big guy’s head. 

he went down hard. the rest of them surrendered out of terror. 

(and, possibly, they had also fallen prey to abruptly-in-love-with-peggy-carter syndrome. but really, who wasn’t?)

the signs based on people i personally know
  • aries: probably the hardest working and also the best procrastinator. they have no filter. will drop everything to help you. has the wildest almost unbelievable stories and evidence in case you don't believe them. can make you smile even when you feel like shit.
  • taurus: the biggest romantic with the biggest heart. you don't think they care about you? they do. fuzzy blanket enthusiast. no matter how busy they are, how much work they have to do, if you need to talk, they're there. they won't share unless you ask. always watching a new tv show.
  • gemini: probably knows the scientific explanation behind that. not two faced contrary to popular belief, but is just so goddamn charming they can get along with various types of people. will literally wallow in their negative emotions until they burst. humour is their best defense mechanism.
  • cancer: will call you out if you act stupid. wants you to remember all the good times you've had with them because they're scared you'll forget and leave them behind. willing to drive for hours to get some really good food.
  • leo: has the courage to say the things that everyone else was too afraid to say. can be sobbing one second and making jokes the next. has the most random things on their wall, but in an organized way. will drive to your house at midnight because they wanted to be with you.
  • virgo: their room is actually a mess most of the time. likes to avoid their problems a lot. but once forced to deal with them, it didn't even seem like they were struggling at all. more of a listener. often has flashbacks of dumb things they've said.
  • libra: prioritizes the wrong things. it takes a while for their jokes to be understood by the public. has a recognizable catchphrase. has no tolerance for assholes and will literally go off on you and make you rethink your life choices.
  • scorpio: so determined. will do anything to distract themselves from their emotional instability. has hundreds of friends but only considers 3 of them as real ones. sleeps a lot because its the only time their mind shuts up. will remember that one thing you said seven years ago.
  • sagittarius: always thinks of something fun to do. has a lot of doubts and insecurities about themselves and won't believe you when you try to reassure them. very picky about the people they choose to spend their time with. clumsy af and will literally trip on air. you probably owe them money.
  • capricorn: sometimes you can't tell if they're being serious or if they're joking. often questions the validity of their friendships. probably cried the other night. likes to go on roofs. good at looking productive but they are actually just looking at cat videos.
  • aquarius: so incredibly talented. cannot multitask for their life. belts at the top of their lungs in the shower. when they're walking it looks like they're walking to the beat of some 80s funk song. they are the shoulder you cry on. handles confrontation well.
  • pisces: tries to act really tough and independent but in reality they just want a big hug. loves insulated water bottles. has an encyclopedia full of inside jokes they share with their friends. was probably the teacher's favorite. owns books they haven't even opened

anonymous asked:

Loving the text messages!! Keep up the good work! Also if you don't mind could you describe darks and antis personalities according to you?

Absolutely!!! Beware though, I’m about to wax poetic because I LOVE these two characters. I’m sorry that this post is so long but I’m NOT putting it under a cut because I worked on this for over a fucking hour instead of writing my history paper and I want at least one person to actually read it. :P

I’m gonna go a little in depth with what I believe is their canon personalities according to my interpretation and then how I incorporate those interpretations into Texts From Dark And Anti. Some of you may be surprised to find that I actually heavily take their canonical personalities into account when I make my edits; it’s not all just dick jokes and memes for the sake of notes. Texts From Dark And Anti is my love letter to these two characters, and I’ve gone to great lengths to portray them in the best way possible.

But enough babbling. Let’s start with Dark.

CANON PERSONALITY: Master Manipulator and Sexual Predator

Originally posted by markimemey

Per Mark, Dark is a master manipulator. He’s a snake in the grass, ready to tell you anything and everything you need to hear in order to get what he wants from you.

I’d argue that this often works for him. Obviously he’s a very good actor if he’s able to mimic Mark perfectly in the “Chocolate” ending, so that makes me think that he’s able to assume whatever personality and/or extend whatever favors he needs to to trick his victims into abiding by him.

But it’s also worth mentioning that Dark’s biggest weakness (arguably) is his jealousy. As Mark said, Dark’s extremely jealous of Mark, and he wants everything that Mark has: wealth, fame, success, and devoted fans. I’d be willing to believe that that last thing is what rubs Dark wrong the most.

Evidence? Mark’s fans are exactly what he goes after. Wanna know what’s freakier? IT FUCKING WORKED.

Mark took all of his fans out on a date. All of us adored him for it. Dark got jealous of this, so he infiltrated the date and tried to get us to support him instead. And when Tyler Mark showed up to fight him, Dark didn’t kill him himself. He manipulated us into doing it for him.

And what brings this home is that Dark has had the longest lasting potential out of anything to come out of this video. All of the other memes and references have lost their luster by now, but the resurgence of Dark-related fan art, ask/rp blogs, edits, and memes are still going strong. Dark infiltrated our date and convinced us to love him and worship him the same way that we do Mark, and we fucking fell for it.

So why does he do this? Is it just because he’s a jealous prick? Partially, but I think that, canonically, there’s more to it. I think it’s because he thrives on his ability to hold power over people, which is comparable to–get ready for it–sexual predators.

Dark exhibits a lot of the traits we normally attribute to these criminals. He’s attractive, charismatic, extremely manipulative, and sadistic. He says things like, “I can give you anything,” and, “If it’s dinner you want, I can provide.” Provide is an interesting word choice here, because that’s what society has dictated the man in a relationship should do. He even acts seductive: arching his neck, eye-fucking the camera, and he even blows us a kiss (see below). But the way that he grabs and shakes us periodically throughout his mental breakdown betrays his inner sadism and anger issues, also common among sexual predators. I absolutely think that based on Dark’s behavior and what we know about him, he’s totally down to fuck anyone and everyone in order to get what he wants–consensual or otherwise. And I definitely think he’ll enjoy it.

Originally posted by mirrorthehorse

I wouldn’t necessarily say that Dark is a nymphomaniac. As an otherworldly being, it’s entirely possible he doesn’t even have a sex drive. But sexual predators don’t usually rape their victims just to get their dicks wet. Usually, it’s a power issue; they want to feel like they have mastery over something, and that they are dominant and in control. Given Dark’s obsession with taking all of Mark’s glory away from him, coupled with his violent mood swings and sadism, I would say that sexual assault is probably just one of the many ways he appeases his insatiable appetite for power and manipulation. And I’d even bet that it’s one of his go-to’s.

In Texts From Dark And Anti, I normally portray Dark as a bitter old demon who doesn’t understand memes and doesn’t want to put up with anybody’s shit. But I didn’t just do this for fun; I did it because I could see Dark being jaded in real life. Off-camera, when he’s not trying to seduce us into adoring him over Mark, I could see him being sick of being overlooked. He’s old, even by Mark’s channel’s standards, and up until “A Date With Markiplier”, he wasn’t mainstream in the fandom at all–not fun for someone who craves the adoration of others. So he’d definitely be off-put by Anti’s much younger, more erratic personality, and in a bad mood he’d bitch at him for it. But in a good mood, he’d use it to his advantage to get whatever he wants–sex, souls, and anything else his blackened heart desires, both for the reward and the thrill of not having to do it himself.

Now let’s talk about Anti.

CANON PERSONALITY: Chaotic Psychopath

Originally posted by treblegirl

Jack has been near-silent on his personal interpretation of Anti (although he’s stated that he definitely has a personal canon that he refuses to share, the little fucker), so all of this is going to come from speculation and what we see onscreen.

While Dark chose to make his debut in one long, continuous, elegant appearance, Anti showed up randomly throughout the month of October, with no prelude and no explanation as to why he was there. Also in contrast to Dark’s smooth, charismatic personality, Anti is visibly unstable, jittery, and psychotic. Both he and Dark exhibit bloodlust, but Anti doesn’t hide it. He doesn’t hold back any of his sociopathic tendencies, going so far as to murder his host on camera for the world to see.

We don’t exactly know what Anti’s agenda is, but that’s just it: I don’t think he has one. At least, not one beyond the psychotic urge to kill as much and as many people as he can. Even in “Say Goodbye”, all he does is laugh at/condemn the viewer for not warning Jack and saving him. The other times he was on camera in October, he was glitchy, with several different appearances (fangs, gauges, blood, etc.) and contorted, unsettling body movements, making me think that Anti is a supernatural being that thrives on chaos and bloodshed.

But  Anti doesn’t just want to cause havoc–he wants to cause havoc and get the credit he deserves for it. That’s why he showed up so much on camera without Jack noticing; he was there for us, not him. Then he made a big deal about us not telling Jack what was going on, condemning us for our failure to make his existence well-known. Then he crashed Jack’s panel at PAX, angry at us for “forgetting” him. He’s not trying to garner our support like Dark is; if anything, he wants us to be terrified of him.

Originally posted by redthereaper07

But personally, if I had to choose between being locked in a room with Dark and being locked in a room with Anti, I’d choose Anti in a heartbeat. Because even though Anti is more obviously psychotic, at least I’d know I would be killed quickly–unlike Dark, who would torture and manipulate me verbally, physically, and possibly even sexually for an indeterminate amount of time. This is Anti’s downfall, I think; Dark disguises his true nature with seduction and charisma, but because Anti’s so unpredictable and surface-level, he identifies himself as a very obvious threat, ironically making him a little easier to understand.

Thus, my interpretation of him in Texts From Dark And Anti reflects this (albeit in a more comedic way). Anti loves memes and silly trends because he wants to stick out in a way that’ll gain recognition. He’s more up-to-date with Internet trends and slang because he’s much younger than Dark–but that also means that he’s more gullible, and a lot of simple things go over his head. Basically all of his emotions are double that of Dark’s, and he makes no efforts to disguise them. He’s also much more privvy to senseless murder than Dark. This speaks highly of his psychotic tendencies and general disregard for any order or secrets he could be bothering to keep. What you see of Anti is what you get: an easily-excitable, always-ready-to-fuck-shit-up killing machine.

Originally posted by markired

So…yeah. That’s pretty much my piece. Told you it’d be long. X’D

But tysm for asking!! And if any of you bothered reading this far, PLEASE reblog or leave a reply with your thoughts on my interpretation of these two characters and how you characterize them personally. I’m super crazy interested in the lore around these two (or lack thereof), which is why I created Texts From Dark And Anti in the first place. ^_^

anonymous asked:

Honestly I don't think Jensen and Misha are social friends, just good work buddies, but they never socialize outside of work. I think Jensen like Misha, qirks and all, but he doesn't love Misha like a bestie, more like love him because he's familiar and part of the same show for almost a decade.

Well, of course you’re entitled to your opinion, but– one thing you should know is they do hang out outside of work:

They’ve gone to the race track together:

Took family vacations together

Gone out for ice cream with one another:

They’ve gone on fun little spa trips:

And after conventions, they go and hang out– looking altogether, friendly.

Not to mention, Misha was at Jensen’s wedding which sure– could just be a work-friend thing, but I know I would still want to be fairly close with someone if I was going to invite them to such a personal event.

Now, I am not arguing the fact that Jensen and Jared hang out more– of course they do. They live right beside one another, their kids go to the same school, they’ve known each other for longer than either of them have known Misha, but that still doesn’t mean that Misha cant be super close with Jensen (and Jared) as well. Those two have talked about going out to dinner, just the two of them. They’ve talked about enjoying wine together (which is not something one normally does at work).

They have spoken of times where they have long, deep, emotional talks, and how much they enjoy those moments. That’s not something I normally do with my “work buddies”.

The fact is, they are great friends (if not more), whether or not they live near each other. My best friend of over twenty years has lived in Colorado for most of that time– but that doesn’t mean I love her any less than I did the friend who lived up the road from me. I cared for them equally, we all just had different types of friendships– but that didn’t make them any less than the other.

You don’t need to think that they’re in a poly relationship– that’s a matter of opinion; but to ignore just how much they do care about one another, how much they enjoy each other’s company– to write off their very deep friendship because of some physical distance between their homes, and not as much publicized evidence as others might have, is to completely disregard and disrespect things that they’ve specifically said about each other.

Jensen being best friends with Misha doesn’t make him any less Jared’s best friend.

It just doesn’t.

I don’t know why it always has to be a competition.

oh my god. so do you ever tweet something stupid like “a yoi vampire au where victor let yuuri bite him during the sochi banquet”, and then your entire tl gangs up on you and makes you contemplate this in vivid detail until words come out.

——

Everyone knew that Yuuri Katsuki was a vampire.

It wasn’t much of a problem, these days. Viktor had had a vampire rinkmate once, when he’d just moved up to the junior division. Ivan hadn’t been any stronger or faster, and he’d only shrugged when Viktor asked about the blood.

“It’s like – wanting ice cream,” he’d tried to explain. “It’s good if you have it, but you don’t need it, yes?”

That’s what centuries of defensive breeding did for you. Humans far outnumbered vampires, after all.

So Yuuri Katsuki was a vampire, which didn’t mean as much as “Yuuri Katsuki has level 4 spins but can’t land a quad Salchow,” and Viktor wouldn’t have thought any more about it except that Yuuri Katsuki placed sixth at the Grand Prix Final in Sochi and got very drunk at the banquet, after.

Keep reading

gcnnyweasleys  asked:

ok i'm a bit confused on the whole peter is a trans boy thing?? please don't think i'm being rude or anything i'm just curious bc i don't know much ab it. if he were just starting to transition how would his body be so muscular / wouldn't he have to wear a binder ?? esp if he's only 15 i mean teens don't usually get surgery that young do they ?? again i promise i'm not trying to be hateful if i am pls tell me !! i'm just curious (i know it's a hc but still lol)

honestly it’s probably best if you don’t read too deeply into it, because at the end of the day peter parker being trans is just a headcanon

however, it is a headcanon that i’d like to justify further. so;

1) how would his body be so muscular?

trans people, like cis people, have many different body types independent of their age and sex assigned at birth. a muscular 15yo is not unreasonable, even if that character is trans boy / dfab. hell, there are plenty of cis girls who are muscular at that age. 

this is Isis Holt. she’s 15.

this is Tessa Barresi. she’s 16.

both of them are teens and have a more arguably “athletic” build than tom holland’s portrayal of spider-man, and neither of them have a super-powered spider bite and/or depo-testosterone to help increase their musculature! 

wouldn’t he have to wear a binder ?

this is a common misconception. yes, most trans men do wear binders when they are pre-op. however, it is possible for a trans boy to have no visible chest tissue before undergoing top surgery. 

we see peter in civil war while he is presenting as male and is (presumably) 14 or 15 years old. if peter began to ‘medically transition’ before civil war, it is very possible that he would have no breast tissue to speak of!

aside from that, trans youth exist: some as young as five years old. many of them are put on blockers around the ages of 12-15 so they do not undergo natal puberty. here is an article detailing hormone blockers. if peter began identifying as trans even younger in his life and got put on blockers, he would never undergo ‘female’ puberty in the first place!

not to mention, plenty of people who are designated female at birth never grow large breasts. 

above is a photo of an adult cis woman with no prominent breast tissue. also, the chances of being flat chested increase amongst lower body-fat percentages. because peter is such a skinny kid, even if he did grow a chest it would likely still be small. plenty of dfab people are flat chested, with or without hormone blockers / surgery.

this is ty turner! he had already finished natal puberty when he came out and started T as a late teenager. even so, he still does not need to bind!!

plus, if peter began testosterone at 14~15 (which is legal in New York with adult consent), his physique would be different.

this is mack beggs. at the time of that photo, he was 17 and approx. 1 year and 4 months on testosterone. he is also pre-op and is still flat-chested.

he’s only 15 i mean teens don’t usually get surgery that young do they? 

this is definitely an important point. yes- it is very, very, very unlikely that a trans man will receive surgery at that age. still, it is not outside the realm of possibility. most transmasc people don’t have surgery at that age because:

  • they haven’t developed a chest yet, so surgery is not necessary
  • they started hormones/blockers young and will never need top surgery
  • they don’t have parental support
  • they don’t have the financial means to get top surgery

let me be clear here– it is much more likely that peter was on blockers or just too young to have visible breasts when he transitioned. however, it is still possible that he had top surgery. in the US, it is legal for a minor to have top surgery with the consent of a guardian. Aunt May could’ve given him the greenlight to do it.

and as far as financial obligations go, if peter needed top surgery, do you really think his adopt-a-dad & billionare tony stark would hesitate? he spent millions on peter’s suit! if peter wanted top surgery, tony definitely would’ve shelled out the $6-10k it would’ve cost (and that’s without insurance). 

Originally posted by ohh-bloodyhell

tldr; yes, it’s still possible that peter could be trans. 

my personal headcanon is that he started T at 14, but never developed breasts before then because he was such a skinny dude. however, it is also possible that he was on blockers as a kid or that he underwent top surgery! it’s a headcanon that is completely open for interpretation, so have fun with it. i just wanted to lay out some Trans Facts™ over what is technically possible.

have fun!!

somethingofavoid  asked:

could you point me in the direction of the evidence that alexander the great was a bottom? I absolutely don't doubt it's true but I've never seen anyone say otherwise so I figure there's some proof of some sort I'm missing, but couldn't find anything myself

you didn’t find anything because there is no proof, and in fact, the sources tell us the precise opposite. so why did i say he bottomed in my joke post? let’s get into it.

A (SIMPLIFIED) PRIMER: in ancient old mediterranean times it didn’t matter if you were a man who boned men or women – you should probs do both – but what mattered VERY much was whether you topped or bottomed. are you old enough to have a beard? now you’re too old to bottom. pederasty was the name of the game in the south (think athens) especially. if macedon followed these same sexual mores, we can’t be sure, tho they were likely similar. 

now that you know this, take note that hephaestion was actually older than alexander, taller, and more masculine and impressive-looking. according to the above – that’s called the dover model – it should be a given that hephaestion topped, right? or that they didn’t have a relationship at all, considering they were so close in age, and the dover model mandates a big age difference. then why do i have in my pocket two handy examples of hephaestion being identified not only as the bottom but as younger than alexander? observe:

• justin refers to hephaestion as “puer” (”boy” but with connotations in this context of “young pretty bottom boy”) 
• arrian refers to hephaestion as alexander’s “ἐρώμενος” (i.e. alexander’s beardless younger bottom) 

weird, right? we could take this at face value, discounting all that we factually know about hephaestion, or we could take a look at how romans of the late republic/early principate – when these biographies were penned – viewed sexuality in their own society, and how that may have influenced the way they interpreted alexander and hephaestion.

late republic/early principate sexual mores were a bit different from classical greek mores in that, simplified version, the socially superior partner had to top, and the supremely socially inferior – like a slave or a woman – was to bottom. hephaestion was second man in the empire with a massive presence in court; importantly, he was free-born. if alexander and hephaestion had a sexual relationship, which the roman biographers were fairly certain they did, that meant to the romans that hephaestion was either sleeping his way to the top (a common late republic sentiment – cicero used it against antony, like, hourly) which is very not befitting for, you know, the top general in the empire, or – worse – that alexander was a tyrant who was raping his second in command, and hephaestion wasn’t man enough to fight back against it. yikes. even worse option than that to the romans? alexander, king of kings, was taking the d from someone below his status. no matter what the evidence said – like hephaestion’s age and physicality and what we know about alexander’s personality, which i’ll get to in a minute – that was literally unthinkable. 

so the principate biographers lied. yep. in order to better mould hephaestion to their worldview, some bent the history so that hephaestion was younger and prettier (justin), or just plain unimportant enough that being alexander’s ἐρώμενος was socially acceptable (arrian). some laid into the nepotism angle even if they didn’t explicitly state fucking as the cause of it (plutarch). 

take-home message? history is malleable: like a memory, it never remains whole and accurate. the more often we pull it from the shelf, the more often it gets rewritten. 

idk, oprah. proof isn’t a thing that really exists for this period. but now that we know the roman histories are sometimes fake news, here’s some stuff supporting alexander bottoming: 

good evidence: historiography & the dover model

• what the romans had to say about hephaestion and alexander’s relationship is lowkey lies, so even tho we can’t definitively say hephaestion topped, we know that pretty much all evidence that hephaestion bottomed is not legitimate. that means the opposite could be true.

• alexander was younger than hephaestion, infamously remained beardless, and was physically smaller, which means that if macedonians followed southern sexual mores, and if alexander and hephaestion in particular even cared about bringing social politics into the bedroom (see how many variables?) then alexander would’ve bottomed 

pretty okay evidence: character extrapolation 

• i’ve had a prof bring up in class the fact that alexander was too soft for his parents, who worried he was effeminate, which we can safely interpret as “worried he was a bottom” – playing the lyre, not wanting to get it on with anyone in a way befitting a red-blooded macedonian guy, sleeping with the iliad under his pillow, other assorted twink activities. from his annoying high-pitched voice to the fact that he started dressing persian – seen as effeminate to macedonians – it’s pretty much accepted that he was an effeminate dude in his day. not conclusive, definitely problematic as being indicative of sexual position preference, but it is an argument i have seen.

not-really evidence but a component relevant to our discussion of the insidious crawl of unintentional historiography: 

• mary renault ran amok with the bottom/top thing in her books and made alexander finally topping and becoming a “man” into a whole arc in the persian boy, and it’s a fairly pervasive narrative in historical fiction that he’s a somewhat effeminate bottom. this isn’t historical evidence, but it shows how the narrative shifts – this interpretation, so widely distributed in fiction, is now undeniably present in our shared consciousness. (my joke post, which was geared toward an audience of like literally one person, was more about this.)

a final note is that people are just people, and we tend to forget that when we get so caught up in how fun it is to study ancient cultures. but at the end of the day, no matter the mores of their location and period, people are gonna fuck how they want, where they want, who they want, and when they want. like any other pair of young guys getting it on, i’d bet you ten bucks, realistically, that they switched. 

(source 1)
(source 2

anonymous asked:

Foursome with Jeonghan, Seungchol and Jun, thank you <3 *I don't think I'll be able to read that, I mean, I want to, of course, but 3 dominants at once...oh my gosh, I'll love you forever if you will write it!*

so… I feel like this might be my smuttiest smut yet (altho it’s nothing compared to some other people’s glorious ones) and I hope you all like it! I had plenty of fun writing this, so thank you for requesting 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,333 words


‘I have a party on Friday night, would love it if you came. xxx Jun’

You had stared at the message a lot after you had gotten it on Tuesday of that week, despite having already answered it. Even though you and Jun were in a relationship highly based on the physical side - in fact it really was more of a physical relationship above anything else - and you had gone to his parties before, there was something that made you squint your eyes a little.

Normally he’d just ask you if you wanted to go to his party - this time he had said he’d love it if you went. Small details, but they caught your attention nevertheless.

Keep reading

how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.
What's My Name

This is a continuation of “Don’t Call Me That”. Hope you like it! LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

-X-

Originally posted by harryisart


The atmosphere in the little shower cubicle was almost suffocating, the sexual tension between you and Harry occupying most of the space and apparently consuming most of the air. He pressed himself even more close to you, if that was possible, his whole front flat against yours as you could feel his leaking cock against your thigh all wet and drippy almost as much as you were.


He leaned in his breath fanning against your ear as his hand brushed your hair off your face, the soft puffs of air from his mouth leaving goosebumps on your skin in their wake. 

“Why don't​ you go and lie down on your back on the bed for me darling? Alex has something to get before he joins you, okay?” 

He looks at you on a way that you understand what he said was not a suggestion or a question by any chance but an order. It was quite an occurrence in your relationship where Harry controlled the pace of your sexual encounters, being the more dominant one. 

You looked at him all doe eyes with your bottom lip tucked behind your teeth as you gave him a nod before walking off to do what he had asked of you. If there was one thing that turned you on more than Harry calling himself daddy, it was him referring to himself in third person when he’s in a dominant mood. 

He finds himself browsing through the array of silk ties he owned most of which you had bought for him on various special occasions, sometimes cos you just wanted to, when he walks into the closet. He can hear the rustling of the sheets signalling that you obeyed his orders were not in a defiant mood tonight which honestly​ made him quite happy because defiance means denying himself and you the pleasure of indulging in each others’ pleasure and he didn’t think he’d like that tonight. He is definitely not in the mood of forgoing the chance to pleasure himself and soaking in all the warmth and slickness your pretty cunt had to offer. He finally picks a red coloured silk tie before wrapping it around his four fingers as he walks back into the bedroom still completely naked, his cock now more erect than it had ever been and he’s bursting at the seams for an orgasm.

 “ Oh baby girl, you’re so ready for me aren’t you? All warm and wet? You’re soaking onto the sheets darling, I’d rather you soak my cock than anything.” 

You look at him with innocence in your eyes than he knows better than to believe, it’s deceiving. You give a meek nod, all cognition of words and sentences escaping your brain in this pleasure clouded state that Harry has you in. 

“Use your words darling. Don’t want to get punished tonight, do we?” 

“N-no Harry, please don’t.“ 

He sighed before grabbing your chin with his hand, “Now sweetheart, what did I ask you to call me? It’s not my name that you just used, is it?” 

“No it’s not.” 

“No what? Tell me my name.” 

“No.. no Al-Alex.” 

“Good girl. I knew you were my good girl. My best girl. Now I’m gonna tie this around your wrist okay? And I want you to behave. I’m not going to spank you or anything. Just going to tie you up, alright?” 

Knowing better than to just use your gestures this time, you give a nod before repeating an affirmation along with his “name”. He ties up your hands to the bed post giving it a quick tug to check their tightness and asking you if they hurt much, which you assure him they don’t. 

“Alex is gonna take care of you, okay? Gonna fuck yeh real good. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 

He slowly slides his length up and down your slit collecting all the wetness that had pooled in the time that you had to wait for him to fuck you like you know he could. You sigh at the little jolts of pleasure coursing through your body, your hole already clenching all the possibilities of what could happen. He slowly thrusts into your pussy both of you sighing at the jolts of relief coursing through your bodies of finally attaining the feeling you’ve denied yourselves for a while. His hips move against yours in smooth calculated thrusts, your lower half arched off the mattress for him to reach deeper in you, the sounds of his skin slapping against yours along with his shafts sliding into your soaking hole filling the room.

 You feel his face pull back from the crook of your neck where he’s been sponging wet kisses and licking and sucking the taut skin all smooth and very inviting for him. His eyes are closed, lips slightly parted with brows furrowed together at the tight knot that it steadily growing in his stomach, causing the skin to clench and his thrusts to switch to a rhythm less pace. You press your lips to his berry red ones, tongue sliding against his bottom lip as his mouth encloses around yours moving a slow motion that opposed his hips, your teeth biting into his plush lower lip as he lets out a groan that could only be described as fucked out. 

“Oh my god.. Alex baby that feels so good. Just like that. You’re doing so well”, you moan when you feel his head nestled against your G-spot constantly stroking it in an unsteady pace. You could feel your stomach start to clench as your vision blackened, your back arching off the bed, chest meeting his front as your sensitive and puffed up nipples rub against his skin. His hand slide behind your back knowing you cannot keep up longer, the silk tie straining against your wrists that were tied to the bed post. 

“Christ yeh feel so good darling. All tight and warm for Alex, aren’t you? My best girl loves to please me so much.” His hand that isn’t wrapped around you reaches down for him to thumb at your clothes, breath stuttering as the high you would take some time starting coming closer and closer. He can feel your pussy clenching around his length, the tight fit bringing him closer to his edge. 

 "Gonna cum for me, aren’t you baby girl? Be a good girl and cum all over my cock. I know you can do it.“ His thumb increasing it’s swiping against your nub as you get closer and closer to the edge, your breath stuttering as you gasp for air, eyes closed bad your mouth open as moans are let out. The ties hurt against your wrist but you don’t feel a thing or at least don’t care in that moment as you can feel “Alex” release ropes of cum inside your tight cunt before falling against your chest, your back hitting the mattress again with a soft “thud”. 

The room feels suffocating as the smell of sex, his cologne and your shampoo cloud the atmosphere. Harry’s eyes are closed as his lets out soft puffs of air against your breasts, his arms wrapped tightly around your middle.

 "Harry?“ You tread the waters lightly testing to see if he’s out of the mood you had set for yourselves during the course of the evening. 

 "Yes, love?" 

"Can you untie me? My wrists hurt a little. I think I pulled too hard.”

 He lifts his head from your chest shuffling to remove the knots and tossing them aside before grabbing your wrists giving them soft kisses as his eyes bore into yours, the jade irises shining with love for you. 

“Can I ask you a question?” He utters with a glint in his eye that lets you know that it’s nowhere near innocent and is probably either a sexual innuendo or something filthy​. 

“Sure what is it?”

“Was this better than the wet dream you had of me?” He giggled at your wide eyed expression, clearly taken aback by his question. 

“Harry!”

-X-

I hope you liked it! I had loads of fun writing it! Thank you to @oh-styles and @trulymadlysydney for being my vent buddies, love you both! Much love to all of you for the support you’ve shown me. Means the world,xx!

anonymous asked:

I dated a guy for 8 years before we decided to get married. He dumbed in the alter where I waited for two hours without him or one of the bridesmaid whom he apparently eloped with. We had sex the night before so it shocked me to the core and I only knew what he did because of a snap he took in Las Vegas about it. What would RFA + V + saeran react to that when the have crush one me. Sorry it's too personal but I'm hurt and I don't know how to cope. I know it's full of typos please ignore them.

*cracks neck* A few of these characters may beat up the fictional equivalent of that douchebag for you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t know if I can properly convey to you the sadness and anger I feel at your story. So I’m just going make sure that our MysMe friends take care of him.

Also, I make an exception about pronouns for you. It’s all you/yours for this HC.

I’m actually surprised this one flowed out so naturally… enjoy!


Yoosung

  • When he hears what happened, he’s like a deer in the headlights
  • How is supposed to respond to that?!
  • You’re crying, and it breaks his heart to see you cry, but he’s also angry that that douchebag hurt you so badly
  • And underneath it all, even though he tries to squash the evil little voice, a part of him is singing “Ode to Joy” because you’re now single
  • But not ready to mingle, so he keeps his distance in that way
  • He’s there for you, holds you, does his best to cheer you up

Jaehee

  • if she ever sees him again, she’s going to Judo kick him so hard in the head, his skull will fracture
  • When she finds out, she gets you out of the church as fast as possible, helps you change, and takes you somewhere safe from prying eyes, private, and takes your phone away
  • She calls the RFA (still at the wedding) tells them what happened, and asks everyone to clear out the guests
  • Zen’s so angry on your behalf that you even hear him yelling through the phone, swearing up and down that if he ever gets his hands on DB, he will kill him
  • She will bring you anything you need, tea, coffee, pastries, ice cream
  • Jaehee has warm blankets (fresh from the dryer), dvds, and time, so she stays with you until you need time and space, then leaves, and comes back when you call
  • You need to work your way through this? She understands if you need to take a quick cry break in the back
  • seriously, though, if she ever sees him again, she will probably Judo kick him into the sun

Zen

  • He.
  • Is.
  • Ready.
  • To.
  • Kill.
  • Zen’s never exactly been shy about flirting or expressing his feelings for you, even if it was one-sided, not taken seriously, and he never intended to seduce you away from your beau
  • But Zen is a hopeless romantic, so someone spitting on the name of love like that, regardless of you, pisses him off
  • He doesn’t play around with women’s emotions (not on purpose, anyways)
  • When he hears the two of you even had sex the night before, he’s so angry he wants to hit everything
  • But he’s here for you, and so he drags you out of the church, takes you either to a bar or his apartment (that way you don’t have to look at the place you shared with him and be reminded)
  • Zen ignores the looks two get while riding his motorcycle
  • Once your safely hidden away in his apartment, he isn’t afraid to hold you, give you anything he has- 
  • -in his fridge! That’s totally… what… um… h-he meant…
  • He has a ton of beer, and is more than willing to knock a few back with you and play games or watch TV
  • In the end, you play drinking games and watch bad TV
  • Years and years later, your in a happy relationship, married to Zen, you’re walking down street and see the guy the left you at the altar, and Zen bull rushes him and throws a few punches
  • Dude holds a grudge

Jumin

  • We all know Jumin Han and how quick he is to jump into relationships
  • He wanted a relationship with before he found out you were engaged, and was only okay with letting you go because you seemed happy
  • So, with everyone waiting in the pews at the church for over an hour, he knows something is wrong and goes looking for you
  • When he finds you crying, he asks what’s wrong, and you show him the snap of DB in Vegas, eloping, he’s furious
  • Jumin immediately tells you deserve so much better, and if you’d like, he’d be more than willing to step in as the groom for this wedding
  • If you say no, he will accept your answer, but will be there, supporting you and hoping someday you’ll say yes to a spontaneous marriage proposal
  • However, if you say yes, he walks you out there, head held high, heart soaring, a small smile on his face
  • No matter what you say, he’ll probably send a security team after him to beat him up

Saeyoung

  • Will do anything and everything to make you smile after hearing that terrible news
  • Saeyoung will try to distract you, protect you from prying wedding guests, and hack your now ex’s life simultaneously
  • He’ll even drag Saeran into the fun! or just hand off the hacking so that he can focus on distracting you more
  • Saeyoung will try his best to protect you from the pain
  • He hacks DB’s social medias and edits  any picture of him so he has devil horns, a tail, and a hitler ‘stache
  • So when you inevitably check, possibly out of habit, you see a small part of what he did
  • Also, btw, Saeyoung hacked int DB’s credit scores, managed to drop the whole thing to zero and lock it there, and he also got the IRS to look into him, just to fuck with him 😈

V

  • When he hears what happened, he just asks what you want to do now
  • Is there anything he can do for you? To help you?
  • If you say, “Take me home” he will escort you home
  • If you say, “hold me” he will hold you and hopes never to let go
  • He take care of you anyway you ask him to
  • The only time V says no, is when you ask for something that’s bad for you (like your phone, because you keep staring at that picture of DB in Vegas for some reason, like you can’t believe your eyes)
  • V is just very compassionate and giving, and eventually helps you through things, even if it’s only piece by piece
  • might ask Jumin to get a security team to track down DB and do something about him

Saeran

  • Oh, this guy is so dead
  • He took a snap chat? Well, guess what, Saeran is a hacker and can not only trace his location, but fuck with everything around him
  • This DB is going to pay for making you cry
  • Saeran takes all the guys money, uses it on things for you to make you feel better afterwards
  • Seriously, on DB’s dime, Saeran arranges an entire day at a nice, fancy spa with a massage, a facial, mani-pedi, haircut, the works, all for you
  • Of course he doesn’t tell you any of this because you wouldn’t approve
  • He also pays a few guys off (again, on DB’s time) to go “rough up” DB
  • He watches the whole thing from a distance, recording it all with his phone

anonymous asked:

OMG I love your newest scenario!!! Can you do the same one but with Keith? (btw, I really love your blog~ you're an inspiration tbh)

(omg ur too sweet?????)

The original prompt was thus:

“Sooooooo I was thinking what would Shiro do if his s/o showed up to party in a sexy black dress just to get him back for spending so much time with Voltron.”

Implied nsfw and some sweet, sweet angst. Just in time for season 3 (¬‿¬)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

So, what if Guz has a thing for chubby/over weight girls, but since he lives on a beach island, they're hard to come by, and completely falls head over heels for the new chick on the island. The grunt girls don't get it and think it's a joke so they pick on her and take her Galvantula after a few very difficult attempts. Guzma is furious and there's hell to pay but he's still a nervous faux confident dork when trying to return him to her.

I wanted to make this a little happier. so only one grunt makes fun of you. The other ones including Guzma just wanna smash. (and go out with you)

“Hmmmmooooooooh my god! Baby girl’s got it goin’ on wit that booty eatin’ up them lil’ shorts!”

“Right?! Brah how the shit we gonna talk to baby girl? Gotta think a somethin’ original. Somethin’ that’ll make her all hot ‘n bothered!”

The grunts had Guzma at “booty eatin’ up them lil’ shorts”, which for various reasons got his attention and caused him to lean over the decrepit railing a little further to hear what the two boys at the bottom of the staircase were saying. Guzma was on the rebound. One of the girl grunts with stringy pink hair hadn’t been wifey material. Too high strung for his taste, and so skinny and obsessed with her looks that it had tired him out trying to reassure her after a while. But when she hit him after he disagreed with her that had been the final straw. So despite the tears and text messages begging him to get back together with her, Guzma was on the lookout for another piece of ass.

Shame he couldn’t find anyone to make it worthwhile. He watched with a snarl on his face as the grunts below were gesticulating wildly, talking about a “super cute shorty” that had been at the malasada shop in Malie City. You were supposedly a new face compared to the same old locals they saw day in and day out, had been feeding a dry malasada to your spider pokemon that Guzma assumed was an Ariados until he heard:

“Nah man, that ain’t no weird Ariados like Boss Man got.” Said one. “That’s a Galvantula.”

“Hoooooh boy, God been reading my dreams.” Moaned the other. “The hell I gotta do to get a piece of that thick, strong Pokémon trainer ass? I’d give anything for her to talk to me… Totally fucked it up when she looked at me an’ I threw West side at her!”

“ ‘s one a them reflexes.” Replied the other, patting his friend’s shoulder. “She come up to me wantin’ to know where the library was at ‘n I fuckin’ axed her if she wanted to battle! Wiped the floor with my sorry ass using like two bug Pokémon, but she put my money in her back pocket! Like to think that’s kinda the same thing as touchin’ that juicy booty a hers.”

Now he was extremely interested. In fact Guzma was just about to go downstairs and ask the boys where they’d last seen you when another grunt, couldn’t have been more than thirteen, came running at them with a rather cute little purse in the shape of a watermelon.

“Look guys!” he squeaked. “Got that ugly hoe’s Pokémon for ya! It’s one a them spiders right? Wonder how much its worth. Stupid easy to swipe from that dumb bitch when she went to pick up her napkin from under the table!”

He began laughing. Thinking naively that he’d done good, that he’d probably even be commended for his good work. In the middle of a hearty laugh he was about to ask his brothers if he’d done good, when a large hand swiped the bag from his hands before the two grunts could lay into him.

“Boss man?!” one of your admirers squeaked. Guzma looked harshly at the young one with an expression that indicated he’d get a good beating later for being cruel. He briefly asked the two where you were headed to last, got two very shaky replies that he could find you in the library if he hurried before it closed, and immediately was out the door stomping off into the rain.

Turns out he didn’t have to walk far. He found you immediately in Ula’Ula Meadow, the only one there crying as though your heart was about to break. A kind little girl was rubbing your back, trying to console you by insisting together with her and her partner Oricorio you would all find your companions.

“We’ll find your friends.” She said gently, rubbing your back. “Galvantula aren’t common here. Someone’s bound to, oh! Please sir!”

She flagged Guzma down, running swiftly over to him.

“My friend… She can’t find her Pokemon! Someone took her bag and everything when she was picking some trash off the floor. Have you seen a bag that looks like a yellow and red watermelon? It’s got a Galvantula, Dewpider, and a Fomantis!”

Guzma was so captivated when you looked over at him, eyes widening in realization when you saw the bag that hung limply at his side. He tried to hold it out to the lass in front of him, attempting to speak, but your captivating glance rendered him mute.

“My bag!” you cried joyously, running towards him and taking it gratefully. “You found my bag!”

“That’s your bag?” asked the other girl, stars in her eyes as she looked at Guzma innocently. “Wow! Thank you so much sir! You have no idea how much it means to her!”

Nothing came out of his mouth. His entire being was consumed with the way you smiled, with the way you wrapped your chubby arms around him and cuddled him in a hug. You were vastly tiny compared to him, but he couldn’t help but understand what the grunts were talking about.

Every aspect of you was adorable, from your cute head with a sunhat to your cute feet.

“…Welcome…” he muttered.

“I have to thank you somehow mister!” you insisted, still holding him in a hug and looking up innocently. “Let me treat you to something? You like malasadas? I can get you all the ones you want?”

He might’ve said yes, because the last thing he knew was that he was tripping over his own two feet in his haste to follow you through the meadow and off to town where you were going to treat him to a meal.

This must have been what winning the lottery felt like.

The Handmaid’s Tale: marketing, then and now

Comparing the Hulu adaptation of The Handmaid’s Tale to the 1990 version is… weird, because the old one seems to have been made with a “haha, this could never happen; let’s play it like a fun adventure thriller and sell it as sexy as possible!” kind of attitude. I mean, the trailer has this bouncy narration that starts with “once upon a time…” and turns the dystopian element into more of a soap opera.

And just take a look at the promotional art:

(…I don’t think that was the message of the book, guys. Sure, Offred was longing for human touch, or pretty much any kind of human connection, but I think that the book was more about women being reduced to wombs with legs, not state-owned prostitutes… It was about the desperation of needing to give birth or face punishment. Everything about this dystopia was hyper-de-sexualized.)

Oh, and my favorite:

“A psychosexual movie shocker.” With what looks like half the cover of a cheesy romance novel, minus some buff shirtless guy.

(I also think it’s kind of funny that they say “once upon a time in the near future” sex became used for control and domination, as if rape and prostitution haven’t existed for centuries… but okay…)

I’ll admit I haven’t seen this version (or the Hulu one, for that matter), but I do appreciate that they cast a properly old and creepy man in the part of the Commander, and a properly aged woman for his Wife. The Hulu casting is a little youthful, if you ask me; the book characters felt very weathered, and I think it mentioned that they were supposed to be quite a bit older than Offred. Her “affair” with the Commander is supposed to feel very weird and unsettling, partially because he’s this old man who wants someone to play Scrabble with and dress up in sequins.

Anyway, then we had what I call the “holy shit these dystopias are too real” phase, culminating with the new Hulu adaptation of this particular dystopia, which is waaaay too relevant to today’s issues.

See? This is how you depict the feeling of objectification. Not with a topless woman bathed in flattering lighting – by objectifying a woman yourself, you’re not sending a message so much as continuing the trend. Especially when you sell your film as some kind of sexy romance. “Branded, sold, controlled: she belongs to The State” doesn’t quite cut it; this very simple, very clear message does. Offred is no longer human, she doesn’t have a face; she is just an object. Objectified.

(This also has some fantastic layering because it recalls the messages that you might find scrawled across the bathroom mirror meant to demean other girls; part of Gilead’s system involves pitting women against each other: Wives against Handmaids, Handmaids against Aunts, even Handmaids against each other out of jealousy and in the Red Center with their slut-shaming. To stay in power, the men at the top make sure that the women below them are too occupied with resenting each other that they forget to look up at who the real enemy is.)

*holy FUCK*

Now THAT is how you market a dystopia. This story is not some scandalous fantasy set in the near-but-distant future; it’s a warning, of what might be lurking just around the corner. The Handmaid’s Tale is an incredibly frightening book to read today, because of the things that are being allowed to happen in our society. It shows what happens when we let sexism flourish, when ecological and political crises make us paranoid enough about national security that we let the people in power take away our rights. It is a fucking nightmare.

anonymous asked:

Speaking of late video discussion, am I the only one who feels like the fans are partly to blame for his depression? I don't mean to be an asshole, but between the chat in all the past YouNow streams & ALL THE PHANFICS. MY GOD, the fics...

Alright, let’s talk about this. I came pretty close to deleting it before I realized that this was probably a really good time for a nice discussion.

I’m not all that interested in trying to over analyze Dan. Often, I write him as depressed in my fics because I am depressed, and I associate myself with Dan a lot. He’s always, in my opinion, shown faucets of depressive thoughts, and even if he didn’t have depression itself, I always saw Dan as very self-deprecating as more than just a joke and facade he put on. It’s been clear from the start of Dan’s youtube career that he has had some kind of personal issues, and it can be argued, from Dan saying he had depression for a long time that he didn’t believe he needed help dealing with, that Dan probably had depression when and before he started Youtube. It’s not entirely a joke when people write Dan as being depressed before meeting Phil, as Dan himself has been seen to say that Phil saved him. 

Now. Considering the facts, all one really has to do is look at Dan’s past behavior (and far be me from being a behavior analyist) it’s clear he’s always been really insecure and needy for attention. As someone who has been personally struggling with depression since I was 10 years old, I can tell you right here and now that my first outward sign of my depression was a constant need for attention and validation, and a severely low self esteem. Dan displayed similar signs in his early youtube career, when fans began screenshotting his life. 

From this alone, it’s clear that Dan had depression from underlying issues long before youtube. Every person has depression for a different reason, so for all we know, Dan’s depression was unreleated to much other than the bullying he dealt with as a child, and his own brain now providing the right chemicals for him to deal with his emotions in a healthy way etc etc… I’m not an expert on depression in anyway, I’m just trying to articulate that the depression came before youtube, and largely was a result of things before youtube, if not his own brain beating him up the way many who suffer with depression feel their brain beats them up. 

Regarding your comment. I wouldn’t say the fans of youtube are partly to blame for Dan’s depression. No, his depression came long before his youtube fame. Would I say that the fans and their actions/attitude may have been a stressor? Sure. The constant need to keep up a schedule of videos would plague anyone with depression, as working up the energy to stick to any schedule can often be the most ridiculous and difficult thing in the world. The comments that Dan didn’t upload often enough, sure they excited the parts of his brain calling him a failure that likely came with his depression (because don’t forget, depression likes to throw negative thoughts at you any chance it gets), but in no way would I say it’s the phandom’s fault that Dan had depression. 

If we were to take a wild leap at what might have been a huge issue for Dan, I would guess that his depression might have stemmed from homophobia and bullying that he faced in school. We saw in his high school video that a bully mercilessly picked on him and then turned around and wanted to have a sexual relationship with him. It seems plausible that Dan would be dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia, which, you bet, would be a massive trigger for his depression. 

Due to this, can you imagine how he felt when suddenly people were raving at him in 2011 and 2012 that he was gay and had a boyfriend in his best friend, who was only doing his best to keep Dan held together when he refused to get help from a therapist for his depression? Yeah, I’d say it would make sense he flipped out on the fans, but again, this does not mean that the fans are partially to blame for Dan’s depression

I honestly find it deplorable that anyone would dare to suggest that Dan’s depression boils down to his internet fame. As someone who also has depression, if a classmate so much as moves seats from me after one discussion in class, I hate myself because surely that classmate moved because they hate me, and suddenly, my depression makes me agitated and I’m mean to that person for no reason because I’m convinced they hate me.

Does that mean that person is partially at fault for my depression? No, it just means they happen to be human and doing normal things, but my brain reacted badly. 

Dan is a internet celebrity. He likely always knew he was one, and wanted it, when he started youtube, at least on some level. He knew what he was getting into, and perhaps he didn’t know how to handle his stressors and depression triggers, but that still doesn’t negate that he was surely aware that his fans were only human, and only behaving as humans will on the internet. That all said, I don’t think the fans in anyway are a reason that Dan was depressed.

Also can I just add, Dan reads phanfiction for fun? He once stated, in an old post on facebook I believe, that he had currently read every phanfiction posted in 2009. Do you really think anything can faze that boy? I mean really.

Shawn's Atlanta Q&A Breakdown
  • "I feel very close to you guys. You guys know maybe too much about me." - Shawn
  • "What's one thing you've always wanted to ask a fan?
  • -Idk you guys pretty much tell me everything on twitter ahaha"
  • "Was it hard for you to stay away from drugs?
  • -*laughs* just stay away"
  • If Shawn wasn't touring right now, he would probably be at university and have no idea what to do with life
  • "Favorite song right now?
  • -"Morning" by Marc E. Bassy"
  • Shawn had to choose between making music or listening to others, and he chose to listen to their music instead
  • "Would you date a fan?
  • -Sure!!"
  • Shawn has played soccer for 5 years, and hockey for 2
  • he funniest thing Shawn saw recently on twitter, was when the fans were growing crazy about his loose curl
  • "What was your first thought in the morning?"
  • -My first thought was that I was in Atlanta!"
  • "Would you rather swim with sharks or go sky diving?
  • -Sky diving" he hates sharks
  • "what's your pet peeve?
  • - I don't know what my pet peeve is until someone does it"
  • in his free time, Shawn plays guitar and walks around the city. "It's lame, but sometimes it's just fun" in his free time, Shawn plays guitar and walks around the city. "It's lame, but sometimes it's just fun"
  • Fan: "Why aren't there any boys like you at my high school?"
  • Shawn: "Maybe you should move to Canada"
  • Shawn got his ears pierced when he was in grade 2! Woah
  • "Favorite book?
  • -Honestly, I think I've only read one book in my entire life"