I don't want to be weird, but, I have been having a confusing time. I wanted a fic of tianshan with some hope and decisiveness. I hope you can write something positive for me please. I would be absolutely bowled over because you write so beautifully and realistically. However, the human in us sometimes looks for motivation and I guess I choose you and tianshan as my 'light at the end of the tunnel'. Please write me a small fic, i need you're writing or else I wouldn't have been so desperate.
I hope this helps you, my friend. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.
[ only love - ben howard ]
‘And I’ll be yours to keep.’
He Tian and Mo Guan Shan sat together in He Tian’s bedroom, watching some movie neither one of them were paying attention to. Something about a wizard or koalas or something.
‘I think I’m done.’ Mo Guan Shan said after an hour or so of silence. Without looking up from his phone, He Tian passed him the remote.
‘Put on whatever you want, this is boring anyways.’
Mo Guan Shan switched off the TV.
‘No, not the movie. This.’
He Tian’s head snapped up, his phone falling into his lap as he turned to face Mo Guan Shan.
‘What do you mean?’
Mo Guan Shan chewed his lip, trying to keep his resolve.
‘I mean, this…’ He gestured between them.
He Tian paled, shifting in his seat. ‘Did i do something wrong? I’m sorry if I-’
Shit shit shit. Not one sentence in, Mo Guan Shan had fucked this up.
Mo Guan Shan held a hand up to stop He Tian, taking a deep breath.
‘Please, just hear me out.’
He Tian nodded, all but vibrating with tension.
‘The way things have been the last few years, you’ve…I’ve…’
He Tian looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Maybe a different approach?
‘I know you like me…’
He Tian raised his eyebrows, nodding like Mo Guan Shan informed him that the ocean was full of water.
‘…and I know I’ve been difficult.’
FUCK why is this so hard?
‘I don’t want to be like that anymore.’
‘I’ve tried really, really, hard to stop with all that these last few months.’ He Tian told him. ‘I know it makes you uncomfortable. We’re not kids anymore and I don’t want to lose you as a friend… assuming we’re friends.’
Mo Guan Shan couldn’t help but laugh at that, emboldened by ridiculous statement.
‘Of course we’re friends, you fucking idiot.’
He Tian’s lips twitched into a small smile.
‘But I don’t think I want to be.’
‘Mo Guan Shan…’
‘I know it’s cliche, but I didn’t know I was going to miss it until it was gone. You being like that, I mean.’
‘Being like what, exactly?’ He Tian asked, poker face firmly in place.
‘Um… being close to me, and…’ That was it. That was all he could get out. Thankfully, He Tian is an asshole, so he oh-so-graciously helped him out.
‘And flirting with you?’
He grit his teeth, nodding.
‘And touching you?’
Mo Guan Shan closed his eyes, fighting the urge to punch him.
There was a long moment of silence before He Tian spoke again.
‘Look, I’m happy to boost your confidence, but I think we see that differently…’
Christ, this is exhausting. Fuck it. Fucking fuck it.
‘I want you, He Tian. I want to be with you. I want to be…’
‘You want to be my boyfriend.’ He could hear the smile in He Tian’s voice.
He Tian wanted to say something stupid, to deflect.
Mo Guan Shan wanted to run, pretend it had never happened.
He Tian reached for Mo Guan Shan’s hand, cautious, careful.
Mo Guan Shan surged forward, throwing his arms around his friends neck and pressing their lips together.
He kissing him slowly, ignoring the way He Tian shook, making sure this moment would never be mistaken for platonic,
He Tian reciprocated, cupping his face, ignoring the tears that wet his cheeks, and making sure Mo Guan Shan felt his answer.
They held each other, making sure this moment could never be mistaken for anything but a beginning.