i don't know why i post things in the morning...no one is ever about at this time

@thunderboltsortofapenny said: No no let’s do this! Why would steve need to be fake married. Or why would bucky need to be fake married to Steve. We need a reason. #Viper do the thing #It’ll be fun!

So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:


Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.

There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.

He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”

“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.

When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.

He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”

“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.

Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.

Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”

Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.

- - - - -

During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.

The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.

Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.

- - - - -

“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.

“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.

Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.

- - - - -

Steve’s been living in PR hell.

He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.

The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.

Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.

“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.

“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.

Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.

“WHAT?”

Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”

“Clint, he hates me…”

“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”

For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:

“He’s got a point…”

“Tony, no,” Steve whines.

“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”

Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.

The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.

The problem is that the guy hates him.

This is a really, really bad idea.

anonymous asked:

THE RFA BREAK UP POST AH MY HEART!!! Okay. So. What about the MC moving on and finding someone else? And RFA+V+Saeran realize that they still had feelings for her, but it's been a long time(like maybe a year or two) and MC's finally moved on and they just... Don't have a chance? Why am I like this. Why do I want this. I'm awful. (PS I didn't cry when I read the breakup one, no sir, I did not.)

hey i just read your breaking up headcanon and can i ask for rfa+v+saeran regreting their decision but idk maybe its too late or not its up to you

hi can i ask for a sequel of your break up hc like they regretting their choice and trying to get you back

aah these were similar so I figured I could do them all together! hope you like it. A sort of sequel to this


Yoosung

  • It took 14 months for Yoosung to regret everything
  • 14 whole months
  • Once he realises that he does in fact still love you with every ounce of his being, he starts getting weird
  • Like Yandere Mode™ is activated 
  • It starts off with the usual social media stalking, and he even has Seven helping him find out things about your life via what you post online
  • But soon enough he’s becoming obsessive, and Seven stops helping so not to let it get worse
  • But it does
  • Not being able to investigate everything he can about you online makes him jealous of anyone you’re in contact with
  • Talking to the guys in the messenger? Not on his watch
  • He becomes insufferable, constantly inserting himself into your conversations, commenting on everything you post online
  • You’re almost certain you’ve seen him in the corner of your eye whilst out and about a few times
  • But that’s just you being paranoid, right?
  • Either way it eventually reaches a point where he’s on your doorstep, begging you to take him back
  • He’s crying and rambling, and he’s quite possibly has something to drink
  • But you don’t love him anymore
  • In fact you’re unsure if you could ever love him again 
  • So you tell him this, and it sure as hell is not what he wants to here
  • You’re stuck with a blubbering mess at your door, and have to call Seven to come and retrieve him
  • After this things change drastically
  • He knows he doesn’t have a chance with you, you made that extremely clear
  • He stops stalking your online presence, instead turning to the one comfort he has - his games
  • All he ever does is sit at his computer, playing his games, isolating himself from the outside world
  • Because he doesn’t want to be a part of the outside world if he doesn’t have you.

Zen

  • It really didn’t take long for Zen to regret his decision
  • Like it was probably about 5 months, if that
  • Even the first night when he went to bed alone he had the seeds of doubt growing within him
  • Unfortunately for him, those 5 months were all it took for you to move on
  • You knew it was all for the best, things just didn’t work out
  • But he didn’t think like that, and he wanted you back
  • He tried to be romantic, turning up at your door with flowers, dedicating his performances to you, leaving you voicemails of him singing love songs
  • But you ignored everything
  • You felt guilty ignoring his efforts so much, but it was the only way you would get him to move on like you had
  • How would he let it go if you let him think he was getting somewhere with you?
  • His attempts start getting more desperate, with more and more drunk voicemails being left throughout the nights
  • One of these nights you hear a thump by your front door, opening it cautiously only to find a passed out Zen on the floor
  • You debate just bringing him in until morning, but that would probably give him false hope, so you grab your phone and call Seven to come and help you
  • The two of you manage to get Zen into the car, and you go with Seven to take him home
  • Once there you take Zen inside, helping him to his bed
  • After fetching a glass of water for him, you see he has start to wake up a little
  • Still drunk and groggy from passing out, he thinks he’s dreaming
  • Crying a little, he reaches his hand out to hold yours
  • I love you so much, please just come back to me
  • But his begging still does nothing for you, so you tell him that things will never go back to how they were, and you quietly turn around and leave to go home
  • The next day is surprisingly peaceful, no calls, no visits, no voicemails
  • This continues for weeks, and althought you don’t hear from him you think he’s moving on
  • But you soon find out that isn’t the case
  • Jumin informs you that Zen is drinking much heavier and earlier than he had been previously, and the reason he hasn’t been contacting you is because he’s usually too drunk to even move, that is of course if he hasn’t passed out
  • You lose count of times you wake up to find him passed out on your doorstep, because no matter what happens or how much time passes, he always finds his way back to you, even when you don’t want him to
  • You are after all the love of his life, and he doesn’t know any different than to go to you.

Jaehee

  • She thought she was doing the right thing
  • She thought she had made the right decision
  • But one night whilst watching Zen’s latest romance film for the 100th time she realises it would have been your 5 year anniversary
  • Had you not broken up two years ago that is
  • She’s been so damn busy with work, she’s barely had time to think about how she feels
  • But here she is, suddenly swimming in memories of the two of you 
  • It doesn’t take long for her to realise she’s full of regret
  • How could she let you go?????
  • It’s late now, so she decides to just sleep on it
  • Waking up she’s hopeful it was just a night of reminiscing 
  • It wasn’t
  • If anything, she feels even stronger
  • She suddenly can’t stop thinking about running her hands through your hair, the glimmer in your eyes, the way your hand fits perfectly into hers
  • Every little detail she overlooked before were now screaming to be seen
  • It also just so happened this was the day of the RFA meeting, and she was going to have to see you
  • She got lost in your eyes as you spoke to the group about the guests for this particular party
  • She doesn’t even know what was said
  • After the meeting she casually makes comment to Jumin about how happy you looked
  • That’s when he says the one thing she never wanted to hear
  • Well it’s probably because of the new girl they’re seeing
  • Her heart literally shatters as he says the words
  • Jaehee doesn’t really know how to handle this??
  • Why at the same time she realised what a monumental mistake she made by ending things with you, did she have to find out there was someone else making you happy
  • Her way of dealing with it is pretending everything is normal
  • Not you or anyone else ever notices, she hides it so well
  • If you had known, maybe you would realised you felt the same
  • But you never find out, so you never reflect on how you feel about her
  • She supports you in your relationship, and seems to get on really well with your girlfriend
  • But when no one is looking, her eyes well up, and the occasional one escapes
  • She cries herself to sleep more often than she’d ever be willing to admit
  • Seeing you and your new girlfriend happy together breaks her heart over and over again
  • She would kill to be the one making you smile like that, just like she used to.

Jumin

  • He’s always prided himself on his ability to ‘kill his feelings’
  • And when he ended your relationship, he did this easily
  • It didn’t take long for him to revert to his old ways, being stiff and generally unwelcoming 
  • He was civil to talk to, but he was so different to the person who had you inside his head for three years
  • The breakup felt like it had almost killed you
  • It took you a very long time to get over it, because you never had any closure
  • But then you met someone, someone who let you in from the start, who treated you like you were the single greatest thing on earth
  • You still had a lot of hurt in you from Jumin, but this new person was like a breath of fresh air
  • As things get more serious, you start bringing them around the group more
  • Up until the first time Jumin meets them, he had no idea you were even considering dating other people, let alone be in a serious relationship with someone
  • He’s polite, but doesn’t make much of an effort with them
  • He ??? doesn’t ??? know ??? what ??? this ??? feeling ??? is ???
  • It feels like his heart is actually aching, but that’s just illogical, surely?
  • That night he sits with Elizabeth, drinking his wine and trying to figure out what is going on with him
  • The best thing he can think to do is call up the person who knows him better than himself, and he does so, explaining these strange feelings to his best friend
  • V chuckles softly, a hint of sorrow in his voice as he tells Jumin what it is
  • Jealousy
  • He hangs up, shifting Elizabeth and walks over to his penthouse windows, looking out at the night sky
  • V is right, and Jumin knows it, but there’s nothing he can do
  • He is the one who ended things after all
  • He can’t swoop in now and hope to have you back
  • His solution is to obviously stomp out the feelings, but it doesn’t work
  • He cant get you out of his head, you even haunt his dreams now
  • So instead he distances himself from the RFA more and more, only speaking with V on a regular basis
  • RFA parties can’t be avoided, so when the winter party finally arrives, he doesn’t have a choice but to go
  • Seeing you hurts him, but no one could have prepared him for what happened
  • Your significant other proposed, in front of everyone, right in the middle of the room
  • You were so happy and excited you didn’t see Jumin’s tall figure quietly leaving the building
  • But V did, and for a brief second, he almost thought he saw a glistening tear making it’s way down Jumin’s face.

Seven

  • About 6 months after that party, you started to feel better
  • To say you were completely over him would be a stretch, but it didn’t feel like the world was crashing around you whenever you saw him
  • As you started accepting the relationship was over and letting go of it, Seven slowly started joining back in with the RFA more
  • It doesn’t take long for the two of you to become relatively close again
  • But it’s different 
  • You still love him, but it just feels platonic now
  • It didn’t seem possible that you would ever get to a place where you could be happy in his presence again, yet here you are
  • The pair of you spend a lot of time together, but you still manage to start dating again
  • A lot of people are uncomfortable with how close you are to your ex, except one
  • They’re so perfect ???
  • You can’t believe it ???
  • If you thought you were happy when you were with Seven, you were wrong, this was genuinely the happiest you had ever been
  • Little did you know that during those months where you were rebuilding your friendship with Seven, it was bringing back more than just platonic love for him
  • Without even realsing he found himself madly in love with you again all of a sudden
  • He just wanted to have you at his side all the time
  • And whilst you did spend a lot of time together, it wasn’t how he wanted it
  • He stalked your new significant other online within an inch of their life
  • Everything they ever posted or was posted about them he found
  • But there was nothing in there to use to get rid of them
  • They were a good person
  • But even so, everday before he went to sleep, he would check again
  • One day he would find something, to keep this person away from you
  • He had to find something
  • Slowly as your relationship progressed, Seven started holding himself back, once again isolating himself from everyone but V
  • He didn’t know how he was supposed to live a life where someone else made you smile the way he used to.

V

  • A little part of him always harboured some feelings for you still
  • He knew he would never completely move on, but he didn’t expect this
  • It had been a little over a year since he broke off your relationship
  • You were less bitter, so he saw this as a sign of you having moved on
  • But something about that just didn’t sit well with him
  • Had you really let it go?? Did you really no longer have those feelings for him??
  • For a long time it seemed like you would never move on
  • So now that you had, he hated it
  • It didn’t take long for him to realise
  • He was still in love with you
  • The second it was clear to him, he wanted to drop everything and run to you, just to plead for a second chance and tell you how much he loved you, how he had been so stupid to give up such a perfect person like yourself
  • But he didn’t
  • You finally looked happy
  • And if that didn’t make his heart feel light and airy, he didn’t know what would
  • He knew how much he had hurt you, and he didn’t believe he deserved a second chance no matter how much he wanted it
  • So he chose to keep his feelings to himself, never telling a living soul about how much he craved curling up with you every night 
  • How he craved to feel your hot breath on his lips again
  • How he craved to see you smile because of him again
  • He spends his time pretending he doesn’t love you
  • Just seeing you happy and healthy is enough for him
  • Even if not having you by his side physically hurts him
  • Whenever he hears you laugh he has to actively stop himself from daydreaming about a life where you were his once more
  • Unlike the others, it’s not because you’ve moved on that he never gets you back
  • He just thinks it’s for the best
  • But if he had told you how he felt, he would have found out you were still in love with him too
  • Instead you both continue to hurt, both wishing the other would reach out
  • But neither of you ever do, and neither of you ever get over the other.

Saeran

  • He was wrong
  • He was so fucking wrong
  • He doesn’t even know why he said it
  • Of course he loved you, of course he still loved you
  • But he had said it, and he had shattered your heart into so many pieces he could never fix it
  • So he never tried
  • It took a long time for you to get over it, at least 3 years to be specific 
  • But you got there eventually
  • Looking at him didn’t hurt
  • Being in his presence didn’t make you nauseous 
  • Hearing his voice didn’t make you want to scream
  • What you didn’t know is that it was the other way around now
  • Looking at you hurt 
  • Being in your presence made him nauseous 
  • Hearing your voice made him want to scream
  • He knew he had left it far too long now, and you were finally happy
  • There hadn’t been much if any relationship between you since the breakup, so when he started isolating himself you didn’t even notice
  • It was Seven who reached out to you, telling you something was wrong with his twin but he didn’t know what and he didn’t know how to help
  • So being the person you are, you went over there to try and speak to him
  • It was awkward at first, you had barely spoken in 3 whole years
  • But you wanted to help him so you pushed and pushed
  • Eventually he snapped and and blurts out that he can’t handle his feelings for you anymore
  • You’re taken aback by his confession, which is followed up by a question you dreaded answering
  • With what almost seemed like tears in his eyes, he quietly begged for you to just tell him you still loved him too
  • The only thing he wanted to hear, you couldn’t say
  • He asked you to leave after you told him you didn’t, and you did so without putting up a fight
  • The last thing you wanted to do was make the situation worse
  • For the first time in a long time, Saeran cried himself to sleep
  • He distanced himself from the group slowly, only speaking via Seven
  • But he always kept an eye on you, because even if you didn’t love him, he wanted to keep you safe and happy
  • You were the first person he truly loved, and you would also be the last.

If you think you’re worthless, stop scrolling right now and read.

I’m writing this for a specific mutual, but it isn’t only true for one person, so read on.

You know those inspirational posts you see people reblog every day?

Stuff about people all throughout history who failed and went bankrupt and were depressed and were told they weren’t good enough - and yet somehow they rose above it and defied all those notions to become heroes and legends and history makers and culture movers. And the post always ends with “so don’t be hard on yourself when you mess up” and it’s all nice and sweet and pretty. Maybe you scroll past them. Maybe you hardly ever see them on your dash at all.

Maybe you’re among those who reblogs these posts.

But maybe every time you hit the reblog or the like button, your brain is whispering “this isn’t about you” and “yes people can do amazing things, but not you” and “ah yes amazing stories, too bad it will never happen to you” and you listen to these whisperings and you laugh and shake your head…

Because you know exactly where you stand: worthless. irredeemable. a loser. a lost cause.

Please.

Please.

Listen to me.

As your friend.

As a stranger who doesn’t know you. Who doesn’t have to know you, or your failings, or your depression, or your anxiety, or your embarrassments, or your deepest darkest most heinous crimes.

Stop.

Just stop.

Look up. Look around you. Open. Your. Eyes. Are they open? Good. Keep them open. Don’t ever close them again. See the world. See you: a human being, valid, flawed, journeying, changing, growing, scraping, failing, rising, a masterpiece that will never be made again.

You are beautiful. You who think you are overweight and lazy. You are beautiful. You who think you are stupid and uneducated. You are beautiful. You who think you are a loser, and amount to nothing. You are beautiful. You who bleed and ache and never rest. You are beautiful.

You have worth.

Want to know a secret? If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you’re not going to amount to anything that day, then you aren’t going to. If you go to bed at night thinking nothing will change tomorrow, then you are going to change nothing.

Because you’ve resigned yourself to that lie. And it is a lie, friend. A straight-out, soul-condemning, out-of-the-pit, self-deprecating, self-pitying lie. A lie you don’t have to believe. A lie you should not believe.

If you stand in the corner and bow your head and stare at the ground, you’ve already lost the battle without fighting. This is a surrender in which there is no honor, and in it there is no hope.

Life isn’t easy, friend. Life isn’t fair. It’s hard. And getting things done is hard. Some days, just getting up out of bed is hard. Just breathing. Just doing homework. Just going to work. Just trying to keep the dishes and trash from overflowing.

But we do it anyway.

Why? Because there’s life to live. There are choices to be made. Jokes to laugh at. Awkward conversations to be had. Art to mess up and start over on. Jobs to work. Pizza to be eaten.

We do it anyway.

So guess what?

You do it anyway too.

Why? Because of this:

You are special.

Right now, this second, turn off the voice that hears these Disney-fied words and scoffs and ignores them. Listen.

There is not a human being who has ever lived or ever will live on this planet that is not important, that is not here for a reason. No life is worthless, and most certainly not yours. My God doesn’t make worthless things, and he doesn’t make mistakes. There are no extra pieces in this universe, no spare parts. He made you. And he made you for a purpose, and that purpose is not to sit in your room, afraid to try, afraid to love, afraid to hope, afraid to climb and fall and hurt and get back up again.

Want to know another secret? You aren’t alone. Every single human being in the history of everything has struggled with feeling worthless at some point in their life. Every single one. That is not a lie. Your feelings of worthlessness are not what is special about you. You are what is special about you. The God who created you is what is special about you.

No matter what you’re going through, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you have failed to do, someone else has gone through worse. Sometimes, a lot worse.

Oh, now you feel invalidated. “Why can’t I just believe in myself? Other people have it worse, I shouldn’t complain, I should just try harder, but I know trying harder isn’t going to help, so what’s the point.”

Guess what?

Stop that too.

Stop it dead in its tracks.

Kill that thought. Every day. Every morning. Every minute it shows its ugly lying face. Kill it and put it to rest. Stack headstones on top of it and move away, far far way, friend.

Don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t know where you’ve been, but you don’t know where I’ve been either. Don’t ignore hope because you think it’s for other people. Don’t keep yourself from making an effort, and pushing yourself forward. Bury the lie. You have worth. You are loved. You are important. God does not make worthless things.

One of my favorite lyrics says “How does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you? You’ve got to learn to love, learn to love your enemies too.”

Learn to love.

Your enemy.

Yourself.

Start learning to see you the way God sees you.

See you the way I see you.

Perfect.

Worthwhile.

Amazing.

Just at the very beginning.

Every single day you wake up is a brand new start.

A bright new chance. Every. Single. One. You will never stop getting chances for as long as you are here, so why dismiss them? Isn’t that the most beautiful thing there is? You get to keep trying. Every single day. You have the gift to go again, try again, start again, live again, breathe again, hope again.

Guess what. When the morning is wasted, the afternoon is still there. When the afternoon is wasted, the evening is still there. When the evening is wasted, the night is still there. And then morning comes again.

So the next time you see a motivational post, an inspiring reblog, a story about how someone overcame something horrible, and turned it into something amazing, look long and hard and take courage, find hope in that. Stop dismissing it as being from a universe you have no part in. Stop putting yourself to that measuring stick and turning away because you’re not there yet.

You’re looking at the end result. At some point, they were standing in your shoes. They couldn’t see the end. They couldn’t see what they might or might not amount to. They had no idea, just like you now. Just exactly like you.

Hope, my friend. Every time you start to think “I can/will never” do this or that or amount to anything or accomplish anything… Hope. Stop those thoughts immediately. Kill them. Bury them. Never stop burying them. They are lies and you are better than them.

Drive them out. Open your eyes. Look around. Pick yourself up. Brush away the tears. “I will try. My God doesn’t make worthless things, so I am not worthless. My God does not create without meaning, so I have meaning. I am here for a reason. Today I will live to find out what that reason is for today. And tomorrow I will hope again.”

Life is hard, my friend. Stop beating yourself up. You are worth more and capable of more than you can ever imagine or hope or dream. Don’t let your past or present failures stop you or beat you down. Keep going, keep hoping, keep killing the lies. You are bigger than them, you go beyond them. And God is greater, and he knows your heart. Trust him. Wake up. Open your eyes. Move forward. Keep your eyes open.



“You’ve got all that emotion that’s heaving like an ocean
And you’re drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

I know it’s hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can’t believe your Father knows best

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He’s shaping your heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Well how does it end when the war that you’re in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

You can’t expect to be perfect
It’s a fight you’ve gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

anonymous asked:

Sam doesn't eat unless he has to while Dean's a demon. When he gets Dean back, the first thing his big brother notices is how skinny and weak he is. Dean goes into ultra protective mode and is so gentle and loving to Sam. He makes him food and when they have sex, Dean is gentle and he makes Sam feel so safe and secure again. Dean goes on and on about how his Sammy needs to be good and healthy, and how well he's doing as he keeps gaining weight. Dean supports him through all of jt.

he’s not purposely starving himself, you know? it’s just… he’s worried about other things, about more important matters, about his brother. trying to find dean, trying to find a cure, trying to figure out a way to make sure that he can actually get his brother back, it all seems more important than eating. now he isn’t stupid. he knows that he can’t continue living without eating something it’s just when he does eat, it’s just enough to take the edge off his hunger that isn’t really there.

he just knows that he’s this far from finding a cure and if he pushes through this then dean will be alright and he’ll be back to his old self and sam can stop worrying about that. he just has to push a little harder for just a little longer.

demon!dean makes a comment about it, how sam looks as skinny as he did when he was a gangly teen and they were doing things that no brother should do in the backseat of the impala. demon!dean would smile as he said “don’t you remember how i would just split you open on my cock, sammy? how you would beg for it. how much of a slut you were for it. begging me to stuff you full and tear you in half. i’m sure that if you released me now, i could still split you open, still make you beg for it. hell, i probably wouldn’t even fit. your body is too tiny now to take me all the way.”

it wasn’t like the other jabs that demon!dean sent his way, saying that dean had cared his ass for all his life, always looking after him and how he never wanted that. and it wasn’t like the jab that he sent towards sam saying that dean never really wanted sam in that way, he just couldn’t stand making the kid sad. but regardless it hurt to hear because sam was certain that dean was right. he probably wouldn’t be able to fit dean inside of him anymore. it’s been too long and he’s lost so much weight and yet sam would still probably beg for it. he would beg and cry until dean broke him in half and still want more.

but then sam cured dean, purified that demon blood or whatever and then sam had his brother back and he felt weak and small. his body sagged on his bed (dean didn’t want to be around him anymore. he ran off to his room the moment that sam released him and he took the hint. dean didn’t want to have anything else with him.) and he felt like he would just sink through. he was hungry, more than hungry. he was starving and yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk into the kitchen and get something to eat. it seemed like it was too much effort.

curing dean, it was supposed to fix everything. everything was supposed to go back to how it was before he was a demon and everything was supposed to be alright.

there’s a tentative knock at his door and he’s expecting cas, telling him that dean has finally gotten to sleep and that he should eat something or something like that but he’s surprised when the door pushes open and it’s dean standing there, holding a tray of food in his hand, standing in the door like he’s not welcome which was weird to see because dean was always welcomed in his room.

yet there dean was, standing in the doorway like he was a stranger, waiting for sam’s permission to come in.

you don’t have to ask, dean.” sam finally said when it was clear that dean wasn’t going to walk in on his own. “you’re always welcomed in my room. always.” he’s not sure why he’s trying to make that point but he is. he wants dean to know that anything of sam’s is something of his.

oh… uhh… okay.” dean said, pushing the door open wider and he’s almost blushing, like he was embarrassed to think that he wasn’t welcomed or maybe he was embarrassed to think that sam still wanted him. after everything he did. everything he said. “i… uhh… i made you some food. you just… you look…

dean trailed off. how were you supposed to nicely say that you’ve lost so much weight that you look unhealthy.

but sam sat up straighter on his bed, leaning against the head board and his heart hurts in his chest because it looks like dean actually tried to make him something that he would like. the salad looked fresh. the chicken still looked hot. the apple that dean had sliced open looked good and it was nothing like what dean normally ate and yet he still tried. he was trying to make it up to sam.

sam barely ate three of the apples slices and picked at the salad before he pushed the tray away, claiming that he was full and dean didn’t doubt it for a second but he still urged sam to eat just another apple slice.

sam looked at the apple and then looked up at dean, his jaw locked in that childlike defiance and dean ran a hand through his hair.

listen, sammy, i know that i’m in no position to ask you to do anything. in fact, i’m the last person that should ask you to do anything but you’ve gotta eat a little more, man. please. just a couple bites of chicken. we’ve gotta… you’ve gotta get healthy. you’re skin and bones and it’s all because…because of me. even though dean didn’t say that, sam knew what he meant to say. and he wanted to deny it. it wasn’t because of dean, sam had every opportunity to eat, he just didn’t.

instead it ate a full slice of chicken and a couple more pieces of apple and he looked up at dean, his stomach stuffed and he didn’t miss the fond little smile that was on dean’s face. except dean was sitting at the edge of the bed, so far away and sam wanted him so much closer. needed him closer.

good job, sammy.” dean praised, picking up the tray and backing out of the room. “you did such a good job.” he paused at the door, looking as if he wanted to say more before he walked out. “i’ll see you in the morning.”

for breakfast dean makes oatmeal and the hot meal feels good going down his stomach and it tastes so good that he can’t help but eat it all. it was so much food and a few minutes later, it comes back up and sam knew he shouldn’t have eaten it all. his stomach couldn’t handle that much food after not eating for so long. he needed to take it slower but dean was there, rubbing light fingers up and down his back, saying that it was okay. they’ll try something else and he pressed a cool washcloth to the back of his face and when sam gained the color back to his skin, dean backed away from sam, ceasing all contact and sam missed that the most.

dean helped sam gain weight back. every meal that sam had was a home cooked meal and it was something different and dean would ask how sam liked it and sam would reply truthfully. there was one night that sam stumbled upon dean fast asleep with his head resting in some book in the library. and upon further inspection, sam saw that it was a cookbook with post-it notes sticking out all over the place. sam gently pulled the book from out underneath dean’s head and on it post-it note was dean’s handwriting, writing down notes, whether or not sam liked whatever was on that page and sam’s heart swelled at the sight.

it took a while. that’s a lie actually. it took forever for dean to actually touch sam like they used to. dean had folded back into himself, refused himself to touch sam longer than he absolutely had to and whenever sam would try to initiate any kind of contact, dean would cut it off, make up some excuse why he had to leave and do something else.

however, slowly sam started touching dean longer and dean allowed himself to stay there while sam touched. a couple of fingers to the back of the hand. elbows and knees pressed together while they’re sitting next to each other at the table. it’s small but it feels like some much to sam.

there’s one night where dean doesn’t seem as shielded as he normally is and they’re in sam’s room watching some movie and sam managed to crawl up under dean’s arm and dean wrapped it around sam’s shoulder for the whole movie. now in the morning, dean seemed even more distant that he had before and anytime there was even the smallest point of contact, dean flinched like he was burned.

sam had long gained back the weight that he had lost when they first had sex. dean was in his room, leaning up against the headboard, staring off into nothing when sam let himself in and crawled onto dean’s bed and all but begged dean to touch him. that he needed it and it was low because sam knew that dean would do anything that sam asked but it wasn’t a lie. he missed dean. he missed him tremendously and having dean just within reach and yet having dean seem like he was miles away hurt more than any kind of pain could feel.

it started out with sam touching dean. slowly undressing him, kissing him, whispering praise and forgiveness for everything that dean ever said to him in his skin and soon dean was trembling underneath sam’s touch and it was everything that sam wanted.

he was fully content with riding dean, taking whatever he was willing to get but sam sunk his teeth into the flesh the spot where dean’s heart was, sucked a deep, purple spot there and it seemed to flip some kind of switch inside of dean.

dean flipped them and then it was sam’s turn to be worshipped with fingers and lips and the entire time dean couldn’t stop himself for apologizing, saying that he wanted sam, that he needed him, that he didn’t mean any of what he said when he was a demon. it was all a ploy to try to get sam to let him go and sam ran a hand through dean’s hair and told him that it’s okay. that he knows.

as much as dean hates to admit it and he probably won’t ever admit it, he buried his head in the crook of sam’s shoulder as he pushed inside of him and cried.

sam felt like crying too because it was all too much. the way that dean was treating him, like he was this fragile thing that dean didn’t even deserve touching, treating him with so much care, being so gentle that sam wasn’t sure that this was still his dean because dean hadn’t been this gentle with him since the first time they did this. or when dean sold his soul for him to bring him back from the dead.

so it’s kind of a give and take, ya know. dean nurses sam back to health. holds his hair back when sam throws back up his meal because he just can’t keep it down and sam shows dean that he is worthy of forgiveness.

pynch fluff !!

I am writing a 5+1 things fic for my ao3 account, and I finished one of the parts so I supposed I would upload it to here as a little… sneak peak. Enjoy!


After everything had settled down with the Glendower scheme, Adam and Ronan were absolutely and grossly in love. They were officially in the “honeymoon phase”, as Blue called it. It was toothpaste kisses and whispered sweet nothings, long gazes and meaningful touches. They were in every way, infatuated with one another—but, they were… low-key about it (at least around the group).

If there was ever PDA, it was subtle, small gestures. In Ronan’s opinion, there was no reason to be overly showy. For these reasons, their relationship was never really in the spotlight. It was never the topic of the group’s conversations. It was just background music to whatever was taking place. It wasn’t hidden, they weren’t hiding it, there were just better things to talk about. If the group was a little… behind on all things Ronan and Adam, that was why.

However, while they were alone, affection wasn’t hidden—it was on display. They had said their I love you’s fairly quickly, as the both of them had been sure in their feelings for long enough that there was no point in putting it off. Ronan was relieved when Adam said it first, that way the phrase would stop coming up as word vomit—and he would be able to stop choking it down. He was free to tell Adam he loved him whenever he wanted—and he did. They said I love you all through the day, when they went to bed, when they woke up, over text, and even on the phone.

Looking back, it was bound to slip sometime.

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anonymous asked:

hi!! i don't know if you're taking prompts (so if you're not, ignore this!!) but i saw a text post a trillion years ago that was like "imagine your otp meeting in a 7am lecture and one of them is pouring redbull into their coffee and looks straight at the other and says 'im going to die' and just drinks the whole thing" and ever since i started watching skam this reminded me of something isak would definitely do. aaaanywayyy, i love your fics, keep writing and being awesome!

The Study Buddy; 2070 words
[AO3]

It was Even’s firm belief that whoever scheduled a guest speaker at 7.15AM on a Monday deserved to have hellfire rain down upon them.  He wasn’t even sure why he said he’d go; when one of his lecturer’s the previous Thursday had told the class that there was a speaker on Monday that they might find interesting Even had made a note of it even though it was optional.

Maybe he was losing his mind.  He had chosen to go to a 7.15 talk.

He couldn’t even remember what the lecturer had said it was about; just that it could be interesting and might help some of them gain some insight for their film projects.  That had probably been what pushed him to go, because as much as Even loves his eight hours of sleep he wanted his film to be perfect more.

When Even walked into the lecture hall at almost 7.10 there were about a dozen students scattered around, which was honestly more than he was expecting to see.  He chose a seat somewhere in the middle and slumped down, quickly biting the inside of his cheek to silence the whine he wanted to let out.

The plastic chair was Baltic.  Despite it being mid-November – in Norway – he was pretty sure that the heating wasn’t on yet.  The pipes were creaking and groaning, though, and he realised that the heating was probably only just coming on now to get up to a pleasant temperature at 8AM when normal lecture times start.

Great.  The guy in here after me will probably be toasty warm while I’ll be a fucking ice sculpture, Even thought sullenly. He was pretty sure he could feel his lips pushing into a grumpy pout as the cold from the chair seeped through his clothes and bit at his skin.

He put his travel mug down on the floor and struggled out of his mittens – it was cold, alright? and everyone knows that mittens are warmer than gloves Even will defend his mittens with his dying breath – and was just getting his notepad out when he saw him.

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anonymous asked:

Ok I had a thought. I don't know how this works cause locker rooms and all that but WHAT IF the reason dex is so against sharing the room is because he's trans and he really wanted his own space where he didn't have to hide? (also cause he's into nursey but that's a whole 'nother thing) Just thought I'd share my little trans!dex headcanon!

Ooh a Dex headcanon! (I’m such a Zimbits persons that this is a rarity.)

Fic below the cut.

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The Melody In My Head (A Jonah Marais Imagine) Pt. 2

Part Two

*As Requested*

Disclaimer: Because this request contained more in-depth plot-lines and story segments, it will be divided into three parts, posted at different times

Word Count: 3550

Have a lovely day!

Jonah

    7:38. It was 7:38 in the morning, and I was wide awake, clutching my phone in my hands as I prepared to power it on. I took a deep, calculated breath. If I don’t move a single muscle, maybe she won’t wake up, and I won’t have to deal with this right now. I powered on the phone, the apple logo lighting up my screen as I prepared to deal with the worst. Maybe it won’t be that bad. Maybe it’ll just blow over, she’ll get a few compliments, and that’ll be the end of it. Maybe it won’t be that drastic. As soon as I’d pulled up my home screen, however, I knew that was far from true. My phone was cluttered with texts from management, missed calls from family, and about a million missed calls from Y/N’s best friend, Y/BFF/N. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose as I prepared to open Instagram. Before I even checked the popularity of the post, my feed was filled with fan accounts reposting’s of the video, as well as edits and mashups of it scattered across the Explore page. Great. I was officially dead. I might as well tweet my farewell apology now.

Pulling up my profile, I hesitated, before tapping on the video post. 11. Million. Views. 85. Thousand. Comments. Not only was I officially dead, I was officially going viral. Well, my girlfriend had, anyway.

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How some ppl presents villainous characters and how this makes me triggered af

Oh my.. why am I doing this…It’s going to be so full of my hate. I’m sorry. Don’t take it too seriously.


  • So, I’ll begin with Dr. Flug. The most annoying behaviors (for me!!!) that ppl give him are:

-OMFG CINNAMON ROLL INNOCENT OMFG DOn’T HuRT CAuse i’m so cute chubby cheeks omfg UwU UwU uwusomuch CINNAMON BUN MY liL Son I LuVH HIM SU much <‘3

- i want bh to tear me apart with his cock and i want him to suck at me i’m so dirty i made myself some dildo cause scientist do this in thier free time

- omfg i’m so sassy, i’m so good at sex, i’m fucking more evil than bh wtf have you though. Whatever that canonically i’m such a mess and i can’t even live normal. It’s just a disquise. wanna smex?


  • Now BH (of course he’ll be taking most of this post’s  space because whole fandom wets thier underwear at dapper man):

- hi my names sex machine, i have tentacles and shit wow and they’re here because of fandom. I can shapeshift and i got weird mutant thingies that i can control, it’s practically canon that i have also tentacles lol wanna smex? i like to sex

- i fucc flug and i know a shit ton of sex poses. i read kamasutra to my morning coffe on my bear-carpet near my warm fireplace. did i mention that i fuck flug? he likes/dislikes this (you can choose dear author/artist) cause i’m so evil and he’s into that but he will not admit it. cause i’m hot af. and i fuck him without any reason. just because. and i hurt him. rrrrlyyyy baaaad. cause he’s such a bitch.

- HI~ NAME’S CUTE HAT AND I’M SOOOO GIGGLY AND FLUFFY AND KAWAIIIIII. BECAUSE ME AND FLUG ARE IN LOVUUUU~~~~~~ ANd i VUV HIM UwU AND WE’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TWO CUTE BABIEEEES, AND AND-… maybe we will.. do the thingy… OH MY I’M SUCH A DIRTY PERSON KYAAAAAA ///A////

- I’m only angry. I don’t have other emotions YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. ALSO I SCREAM A LOT AND I’M NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE CLASSY LIKE IN CANON. I SWEAR A LOT CAUSE FUCK YOU I’M GOING TO EAT YOUR GUTS YOU PIECE OF CRAP DIPSHIT FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER

- (EDGE LORD WARNING) I eat souls of the innocent. “I’m back In black”. I’m so evil, I eat humans and i love the taste of blood. I’m an animal in a suit. Don’t come near or i’ll eat your feet.

- HI IT’S THE SEX ONE AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME I LIKE TO FUCC OTHERS (FLUGHAHAHAHA) IN BLOOD. AND RIP THIER (HIS) CHEST WIDE OPEN, TO EAT THIER (HIM) WHILE CUMMING INTO THEM (HIM). WOW. ORIGINAL. I PROBABLY ALSO CAN EASLY HEAL THEM (HIM) WITH MY MAGIC POWERS, BECAUSE AUTHOR WANTS TO SOMEHOW MAKE US FUCK LIKE THAT MORE. AND I WOULD BE A NECROPHILE IF I’D FUCK DEAD ANYBODY (FLUG) AM I RIGHT?

  • Now, long forgotten deviantart oc- Demencia:

- literally i have no character in myself because author is in unhealty love with other characters so i’m just a drudge

- i’m cute and innocent. and i also don’t have much character in me. Canon can go to hell. I’m really quiet only because author does not want to let me talk or just can’t get along with my canon behavior. Thanks to god that 5.0.5 can’t talk. Author is not worried about paying attencion to him.

  • and lovely 5.0.5 :

- i’m not even included 

- no character at all

- author can’t draw me so they refuses to include me anywhere, and this is the reason they tell you when you ask why I’m not anywhere to be seen 


BONUS:

Paperhat:
- ultra cuteee omfg, we are sooo in loveee, UwU flug is such a cinnamon roll and bh is soo nice to him omfg. they are b-b-Bo-BOYfriends omggg so kyath OwO U//w//U bh is going to beat u up if you even look at his flug CAUSE HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH biah >33
- abusive. just abusive. so abusive that even you feel abusived. there’s nothing nice. art may be good, but content is so negative, you want to cry and you don’t like it at all. it’s just too much. 

[tbh 2nd one might be the closest to canon-like paperhat if it ever be a thing (no it’s not going to be) or at least we all need to admit that this stuff IS ABUSIVE. Look at them. Flug is fucking anxious 24/7 and BH is a fucking demon with low temper. It’s never going to be something good…
But PLEASE… It’s just a fiction. Whole show is a fiction- but this ship is even more fictional… So I beg you to not make this ship so realistic. We do fiction, so let’s make this more fictional and do this a little bit… nicer? Idk… It just sometimes hurt on the inside when I see how crazy stuff ppl can draw/write/just do… I mean… ugh… fuck it. forget this.] 



Of course you can do whatever you want guys! As I said: It’s my opinion and I know It may be a beggining of hating on me.
Tbh I just started to write this whole post to my gf and It ended up so funny to me, that I decited to put it also here.
Sorry if I triggered anyone. You have to live with the fact how my opnion looks like, or just forget it and go on.

On Sleepless Roads (1/3)

This fic is a love letter to the characters of Emma Swan and Killian Jones. It is a fic that has been in the works for over nine months and I am so excited to share it with everyone. It started with filming spoilers of our favorite female protagonist being stabbed on a dark, foggy night in Storybrooke and it grew from there. Season 6 Canon divergence. 

(Tagging @acrobat-elle and @lovebecomeshim upon request.) 

Ao3    FF   Part 2  Part 3

One night of peace is all they were granted before the next crisis began. One night to recover from the aftermath of darkness and secrets, hell and death, before Mr. Hyde made his presence in town known. But with Killian by her side, it didn’t seem to matter in the long run. The moment she saw him above the place his body had been laid to rest, a question in the call of her name, she decided to fight for her own happiness. Maybe the savior could have a happy ending as well. Maybe this was it.

That was what she had believed before she found herself here.

“Ah, the infamous Savior. Do you really think yourself a match for me?” She can’t see his face, the cloaked figure that’s far too reminiscent of past Dark Ones. With the edge of his blade threatening Henry’s throat, she draws her sword, sighing in relief when the action grants her son’s release. Killian grabs Henry the moment he’s near.  

Cold air bites at her skin, slips into the gap between her sweater and back, leaving a trail of goosebumps. She tightens her grip on her father’s sword. “I think you’ll find yourself surprised.”

“Perhaps. But you can’t fight wounded.” She feels the ground give beneath her first - knees stinging with a thud as they hit concrete. There’s a thick sticky crimson covering her hands where she’s holding them at her side and oh god -

The dagger poking out of torn flesh burns - a hot searing pain that stifles her breathing. It hurts. It aches, throbbing with a sharp pain paralleled by nothing she has felt before. Her cry is a high pitched wince as her body curves into itself and dammit it hurts. She tries to focus on the roughness of the unpaved road at her knees, but she can feel the sensation fading, can feel herself fading with it. The moment she moves, a small shift as her legs give out, it comes back with a fury.

Muffled words grow louder as the world around her comes back into focus, Killian’s panicked voice the only thing she can hear.

“What’s wrong? Emma, Emma, love talk to me!”

Her eyes burn too, and she tries to blink against the dust clouding them, moaning in pain at the knife lodged into her side. “Killian,” she breathes, leaning into his chest as his arms wrap around her. Magic pulsates beneath her palms but does nothing to heal the wound or stop the bleeding. “Son of a bitch.” It’s gritted between closed teeth, and she tries again to no avail.

Killian’s hand is cold as it roams across her shoulders and down to her back, frantically searching for something he can’t seem to find. He repeats her name, a panicked fear she can feel rise in his chest with every inhale.

“I’m-” His hand finds hers with calloused fingers pressing further into the wound - adding kerosene to what might have been a dulling spark. She reels forward as the lights flicker on, an anguished cry at the contact. It seems to summon Henry, the absolute last person she wants to see her in this state. But before she can tell him to leave, he’s scavenging for keys as Killian lifts her into his arms. Her request would have fallen on deaf ears anyway.

“Come on, Swan. I’m getting you to a hospital.”

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Title: “The Spooky Truth with Dr. Jones,” (2/3) | 1 • 2 • 3

Summary: Emma Swan is a podcaster looking for a semi-interesting story. Dr. Killian Jones is a paranormal investigator who doesn’t believe in the paranormal. Emma Swan absolutely does not want to write this story—but it seems to be writing itself. A CS Black Tapes AU.

Notes: This was supposed to be a one-shot. And then it was two chapters. And now it’s three. I rather viscerally hate myself, but I hope you enjoy this chapter. I’d like to thank and/or notify a # of awesome people who helped with this or would like to be kept… abreast: @seastarved @zengoalie @ofshipsandswans @abbadons-little-witch @the-reason-to-sail-home @businesscasualprincess​ @swanandapirate @piratesails. Also on Ao3.


+ And that’s how it starts. To David’s immense happiness, the podcast becomes incredibly popular in just the first few episodes. They manage to get some spooky, soft folk music for the opening theme music, a couple of advertisers, and soon enough, she’s no longer doing a series on “odd jobs.” Instead, it’s a full-blown podcast about debunking claims of paranormal phenomena. And getting the infamous Dr. Killian Jones to admit he was wrong. Maybe. A little bit.

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anonymous asked:

My memory is really fuzzy on past SPN eps, what exactly is the "sacred oath"? I personally don't see Cas ever caring about sex like dean does but other angels on the show sure were frisky lol.

Hey! So I wrote a post about it here and I have answered a couple of questions about it all in my tag “sacred oath breaking”. But the basics are that in 12x10 when Castiel reads out Akobel’s crimes he lists “laying with a human” as breaking their sacred oath. 

So we explored how if that were true, it would affect previous canon. You say the other angels were frisky, but actually you are literally referring to Gabriel and Balthazar only. Gabriel, who hated heaven so much he ran away to join the pagan gods. It isn’t too difficult to imagine that one of the many reasons Gabriel left were the ridiculous rules that the angels put in play when it came to humans. Balthazar actually supports the theory because of this conversation:

CASTIEL: What… is all this? What are you doing?

BALTHAZAR: Whatever I want. This morning I had a ménage à – what’s French for 12?

BALTHAZAR: You’re the one who made it possible. The footsteps I’m following – they’re yours. What you did, stopping the big plan, the prize fight? You did more than rebel. You tore up the whole script and burned the pages for all of us. [ Laughs. ] It’s a new era. No rules, no destiny. Just utter and complete freedom.

CASTIEL: And this is what you do with it?

BALTHAZAR: Hey, screw it, right? I mean, dad’s not coming back. You might as well blow coke and jump on the bed. You proved to me we could do anything, so I’m trying everything. What difference does it make?

This actually heavily implies that there WERE rules against sleeping with humans and after Cas rebelled Balthazar decided that he was gonna follow in Cas’s footsteps. But he had to fake his own death to do it, just like Gabriel. Which also supports the theory that if you do have sex with a human, you better hope the other angels think you are dead because otherwise they will come and kill you.

No other angels have been canonically shown having an interest in sex except for Anna, who explicitly stated that sex with humans was one of the reasons she chose to fall. Which is a huge fucking deal really. 

So sex is something that is forbidden for angels. Castiel hasn’t ever shown an interest in sex really, except when he was human when he probably felt the rules didn’t apply to him anymore. Castiel hasn’t shown interest in casual sex but he has been intrigued at least by the idea of sex with Meg, and took an interest in the Pizza man pornography. 

Its just my headcanon, but the way I see it, after the horrific thing that happened to him as a human, I reckon he associates casual sex with anyone he doesn’t trust as dangerous and distances himself from it. His complete lack of response to Dean’s teasing about the waitress in 12x12 is certainly evidence of his lack of interest in casual sex. Though I don’t think he would be opposed to the idea were it with someone he loved. The issue of course is the sacred oath, which even after all this time, is something that Castiel at least appears to want to uphold. Though I really don’t know why since all the other angels already think he’s boning Dean and want to punish him for it. 

anonymous asked:

Hey yo have you ever had to "mentor" a junior before? I'm just a MSc student new to the lab and my supervisor decided that he'll assign a A level student to me. I'm scared because I know how a bad impression could potentially make her lose interest in research. I don't wanna be That Teacher. Any advice on being a good mentor?

hi there! that is an excellent question and i’m so glad that this is a concern for you and you want to learn how to be the best mentor you can be. we need more proactive teachers like you!

i’ve mentored many undergraduates and a few high school students, so here are some things i’ve picked up. 

but firstly, you should set up a meeting with your supervisor to ask them for advice as well, and to be on the same footing as to what is expected from the student project-wise, time-wise, etc. there’s nothing more confusing to a student than when their supervisors have fundamental misunderstandings regarding expectations. 

Tips on Mentoring:

  • Get to know your mentee (and vice versa). Sit down with them before you start anything, and have them tell you about themselves. Ask them why they want to work here, what their interests are, what they want to get out of being here, what their career goals are, what their time commitment/schedule is etc etc. Then tell them about yourself, like what you’re working on, what your goals are, how you got there, etc. Not only will this help to establish a good relationship, but will also help you get a sense of how to best organize their project and time. 
  • Set some ground rules. It’s good to think about these beforehand so there are no misunderstandings. Here are a few to think about: 
    • How many hours/week should they be in lab? Should it be a set schedule, or should they come in when necessary? (eg. some experiments may require them to be here in the morning, some in the afternoon, etc)
    • Will they eventually have their own little project, or will they just be working with you? 
    • What are your policies on time off? I tell all my students that their academic career takes priority, so if they need to study for an exam instead of coming into lab, please do so, and if they’re sick, or something comes up, etc (but make sure to let me know and try to plan ahead if possible, so I’m not stuck doing their work for them)
    • How detailed should their record-keeping/data analyses/etc be? They technically should have their own lab notebook, and preferably a file on a lab computer for their files, but this is up to you and/or your supervisor.
    • How strict will you be on how the student uses their time in lab? For example, can they surf the web or do homework when there’s downtime, etc. 
    • How can they contact you? (And also when? Like will you be checking your emails in the evening?)
  • Safety first, so make sure they know where the emergency exits and safety equipment are, and who to contact in case of emergency, and that they also do the required training for your particular work (eg. biohazard training, etc). 
  • Bring them up to speed on any background information they should know, and always be constantly explaining things (like why you’re doing what you’re doing, how something works, etc). When I first get a student I like to bring them into a meeting room with a whiteboard so I can draw flowcharts and signaling pathways. Keep in mind that everyone has different learning styles, so it may take some creative ways to get certain tough concepts across. Pause often to ask them if they have any questions, and take cues on whether they look lost to explain something more in-depth. It’s also good to ask them what they already know beforehand, so you’re not repeating something, or skipping over something vital. You also don’t need to teach them everything right now; many things, like specific techniques, can be learned as you do them. If you have some great review papers on their project, send it their way. And reassure them that they do not need to understand all of it; it’s just a resource for them, and though they should try to read it, it’s not something to lose sleep over. 
  • Practice explaining concepts in a concise, easy-to-understand manner. This is definitely a skill that takes time. But I’ve found that one of the ways someone gets turned off by a particular subject is if their teacher is horrible at explaining something. I like using metaphors, and drawing things out, and asking my student questions to move the flow of what I’m teaching (eg. “So based off what I just told you, what do you think the conclusion is?”). A good way to practice this is to write it out, like a tumblr post. That way you can visually see how you can organize your thoughts. 
  • If you two are working on a project together, plan it with them so they see the big picture. I like to tell them why we’re doing this project, and what we predict the results will be. I also give them a flowchart of the steps and print out a calendar to actually plan it out day by day. This is also a great way for them to organize their schedule so they can be there for the important stuff. Of course it’s all tentative and things do come up, but this is a) good practice for them if they ever want to become an independent researcher and b) a great way for both of you to organize your time. 
  • Encourage them to take notes on anything and everything. When showing them a protocol, either print out the protocol so they can take notes on it, or give them a notebook so they can write stuff down. They should always feel free to ask you questions, but sometimes these questions could be answered if they had taken notes. This encourages them to become independent (especially if they’ll have their own project). And when they’re writing something down, pause so they can take the time to do so. 
  • Teach in baby steps. My format for teaching a technique/protocol/anything is: 1) they watch me (and take notes), 2) they do it while I watch/dictate/help, then 3) they do it while I watch but I keep quiet and let them figure things out (until I need to step in). Of course, everyone is different, and they may need more or less guidance, or there are some things that they probably shouldn’t ever do alone due to the nature of the protocol/equipment, but in general this format has worked for me. This also works for things like experimental design and data analyses. 
  • Let them make mistakes. Unless it’s hazardous or expensive, I let my undergrads make mistakes, and then we go through how to fix that mistake. Because we’ve all been there, and sometimes doing something wrong is the best way to learn how to do something right! And if they ever do make that mistake again, they’ll know the steps to clean up/fix it. Making mistakes and fixing them is part of becoming independent (in anything, really).
  • Meet with them often if/when they do become more independent. Maybe check in every day they’re here, or set up a weekly meeting so you two can go over experimental design, data interpretation, next week’s goals, etc. 
  • Meet with your supervisor often as well, either as a group, or just you and the supervisor. Not only will your supervisor probably want to hear updates on the student (person-wise and data-wise), but this is a good chance to express grievances and/or get advice. 
  • Be proactive in showing your passion for the subject, and include them in your excitement. When I think about my favorite teachers, they’re always the ones who were super passionate about their subject, and that kind of excitement was seriously contagious. So release that inner nerd. Get excited! If you see an article that you think is super cool, share it with your student. Talk to them about new discoveries. Bounce ideas off them. Call them over when you’re looking at something cool under the microscope (even if it’s not directly related to their project). If they see how much you love the subject, then they’re more likely to put in the effort to do so too! A win win!
  • Be patient, kind, and supportive. Above all, you should be these things. Treat your student with respect and compassion. They’re going to be nervous, so someone who is friendly goes a long way. And because you’re the leader here, they’re going to look up to you. Think about how you’d like your supervisor/mentor to treat you if say, you’re having a bad day and you mess something up. (Though if there really is a serious conflict, please get an applicable 3rd party involved, like your supervisor). I also try to help them on other non-lab-related aspects if I can, like if they’re applying for something, I offer to peer review their personal statement. That’s just me though; I like to help as much as I can, because sometimes I may be the only helpful person in their life. 
  • And be patient, kind, and supportive to yourself as well! This a learning experience for you too. I tell my students that I’m still training on becoming a better mentor, so if they think I should do something different, please let me know. And none of us are perfect, so I make mistakes too, and that’s ok. Once I taught my undergrad how to do a math formula wrong and we ended up having to repeat the entire experiment. It wasn’t the end of the world, and it was a good teaching moment for both of us. I can only give you so many pointers, but at the end of the day, becoming a mentor is an experience that you will have to customize based off of what you do and who you are. So let yourself live this experience and grow from it :)

That’s all I can think of right now.. If anyone has anything helpful to add, please do! 

And good luck anon! Your willingness to learn how to be good teacher already tells me that you’re going to be a great one :)

anonymous asked:

you have witch powers? i've always been fascinated with "paranormal" stuff, including magic, so i was wondering if u could tell me stuff about it. is magic real? what kind of stuff did ur grandma do? are ghosts and spirits real too? what kinds of spells can witches cast? is it like supernatural? sorry if i'm asking a lot of questions i'm just so fascinated and curious. i didn't even know witches were like, legit until i read ur tags, i just thought that people back then said that so they had 1/2

2/2 a reason to burn a woman they didn’t like. ok now i’m rambling but in short, what can u tell me about witch stuff? i’m just asking cause i’m really curious :)

(about my tags on this)

#whenever phil gets out the tarot cards and pulls something scarily accurate i’m just like…. yes…. good…show us your witch powers…… #(my own experience with tarot? so reassuring. and calming. it’s like asking for a friend’s advice but that friend is your own brain.) #also my great grandmother was a witch by profession and i definitely got some of her magic #i have not yet learned to recognise a feeling when i feel it.. but when stuff happens later i’m like OH THAT WAS MY MYSTERIOUS FEELING #one of our sheep died a week or so ago.. and for two days straight i was outside in the middle of the night staring at the moon #and wondering why i felt death in the air #and the rain made me cry and it felt like release but i didn’t know why #and i immediately started worrying about our sheep but didn’t follow up to see if they were okay #then two days later my mother comes in and tells me one of our sheep died and two days ago had given my mother “the death look” #if you’ve never seen someone or something die… there’s this look they have that’s like a disgraced peacefulness and self-awareness #but basically i knew the sheep was gonna die without any reason for me to think that #and i need to learn to follow up on my instincts because they’re ever-present and i never know when it’s a psychic thing or random anxiety #disclaimer: IS IT ALL BULLSHIT who knows? but science doesn’t know a whole lot about a lot of things and this stuff is natural to me #so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

okay!! i was expecting someone to ask, so here goes. (in case anyone’s wondering, this is a personal post, and no, i’m not making this stuff up.) (feel free to reblog if you want. but it’s so goddamn long aaah)

first off, an opinion: whether or not you believe magic is real in this world is entirely related to whether or not it is real. at least in my books. magic/paramormal stuff can always be observed, but if you don’t believe it’s anything beyond coincidence or skilled trickery, it’s not gonna impact you.

i do believe in ghosts (or djinns, or something else human-like), but in my experience they don’t really do anything except exist in some other realm and occasionally become visible when i’m at my most lucid, at that point between waking and sleeping. most people (myself included) would say it’s just a hallucination. but like…. who’s to say it isn’t real, just in a way we as humans don’t yet understand? y’know?

the most interesting ghost sighting i’ve experienced was when i was fully awake, not hallucinating. i was in a car with my sister, my sister’s friend, and her mother - and we drove over a bridge, and i saw a fritzing semi-translucent black figure walking along the peak. i looked back and it was gone. it wasn’t scary, it was just really cool. i saw that with my own two eyes, i have zero doubt i saw it, and for that moment, it was there.

other times i’ve seen things pass through walls, or felt presences in the room that vanish when i look. i get deja vu maybe once a week. the ability comes and goes in phases, switched on and off whenever i tell someone about it. it’s like that part of my brain gets really shy and goes into hiding when it’s mentioned.

sometimes it can be pretty powerful. there’ve been moments when a deja vu begins, i remember it from a dream, fast-forward through the memory to remember what happens, and i get ahead of present time, so i predict what’s in front of me by about one to three seconds. usually it’s snippets of conversation, or my hands moving to complete an action, or words i’m typing. (let me tell you, it’s so freaking bizarre when you’re consciously typing, thinking about what you’re typing, and simultaneously remembering typing it before, and knowing what you’re about to type despite not yet knowing. and then seeing it happen. i think a lot of people reading this would be like “what?” but i know there’s someone out there who knows exactly what i mean)

for a long time in my teenage years i told people i’d see coloured figures, like auras without physical people, just hanging around out there in the world, but due to health issues a lot of my teenage memories are gone, and the only memory i have of that stuff is the recollection of me telling people about it, and remembering it while telling people. it’s really weird. i sometimes think maybe i made that up?? but i don’t understand why i’d do that when i do actually see other things sometimes.

once, my family visited this old historic building, and i remember seeing a woman in a maid’s outfit duck through a doorway. but she wasn’t actually there. so. idk.

my great-grandmother (or great-great grandmother?) on my mother’s side used to sell love spells to the people in her Indian village. my mother told me about it when i was little. my [great] great grandmother would write a spell on parchment, and the client had to go home and burn it in their fire. and she would curse people, in exchange for payment. that’s all i know about that. but my grandmother (also on my mother’s side) used to have some kind of power, i never got to ask about it while she was still alive. (she was an awesome woman. one of the first women in her country and generation to go to university.)

personally, having been raised as a muslim, i always felt really disconnected from the culture and practices of the religion, even though i believe in the supernatural aspects of it right down to my core. that’s despite my ultimate acknowledgement of facts being deeply rooted in hard science. recently (like, in the past few months) i’ve started to rediscover my faith - directly following on from a quiet interest in the pinterest & instagram aesthetics of paganism and new age magic, which as a concept i was never really sure about. i just really liked how it looked. basically, it clicked in my brain that islamic prayers could, in essence, just be spells. you gotta take everything with a grain of salt. they might not work. but that’s the beauty of it.

a few weeks ago i stumbled across a prayer on tumblr, and read its intended purpose: “Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next”.

and… i started to think, maybe the purpose is not to actually do that. nothing ought to be a get-out-of-jail-free/do-this-and-your-life-is-made type thing. maybe the purpose is to make you believe nothing can go wrong. and that every bad thing that happens–? it happens so that you can learn from it. and eventually, after many things change, you realise what you desire was not the thing you thought you desired. (idk how to explain that. an example from my life: i really wanted to be a veterinarian growing up. then i got sick, dropped out of school. and now i’m a writer. i want to be a writer more than i ever wanted to be a vet. i had to get sick and my life had to fall apart before i could discover that. writing was never something i’d have considered before.)

my point is, if you believe everything that happens to you will ultimately be a good thing, bad things don’t hurt so much.

and if you take something as a sign, it’s a sign. it’s just your own brain taking hints from the world around you and using them to conjure up a decision. if you wanna believe it’s magic, it is.

personally i like protection prayers/spells and just…generally positive ones. i say prayers for sick friends, people who i see on my tumblr dash who are having a bad time, and if i see or hear about disasters or worldwide events. i’m not expecting it to have a visible impact, but like.. what’s the harm? at the very least it makes me feel like i did something if i don’t have money to give, or i can’t be there with a friend, or the world is falling apart and i’m helpless. praying or saying a spell is just hoping, really, really hard. if some greater being is out there, listening? cool. (but what if god doesn’t wanna do anything? maybe it’s like my cupcake theory. god puts the ingredients in a baking tray, shoves it in the oven, forgets about it. the universe rises as a cupcake. god made it. but the universe is doing its own damn thing.)

regarding tarot cards: again, it’s self-reflection. you can believe answers come from outside influences, but it’s easily just as much about interpreting generic advice and making it mean something to you. but personally i’ve drawn random cards, and known that no other card in the deck would’ve been as relevant at that moment. i’ve used tarot cards to determine the endings for my stories, and coincidentally pulled cards that directly represent my title characters.

one time i was thinking about my fic “The Moonlighter and the Magician” and the card i pulled first was The Magician. and i was like gee thanks tarot cards that’s helpful. (but actually? it meant those cards were on the same wavelength as me. think about it. 78 cards, there’s a one in 78 chance i pull that one on my first try.)

apart from my wonky first-ever tarot readings with the Rider-Waite travel-size tarot deck (which belonged to my mother), i’ve never pulled anything that didn’t eventually make sense. i use The Wild Unknown cards now, i relate to them so much more. plus they’re mine, not borrowed or abandoned for years, which probably helps. (buying those cards was the most money i ever spent on anything. i don’t regret it.)

is any of this like the show ‘supernatural’? not really. the closest i can say my experiences have come to the show would be the episode “faith”. just, the whole episode. it doesn’t matter if it’s the real deal, so long as it works. and boy, does it work for me. and a lot of other people.

like i said, all the spirit-like entities i’ve encountered have been perfectly benign. no monsters, except things i’m pretty sure are nightmares.

but on that note, i take a lot of things to help me sleep. if i didn’t, i’d be waking up screaming night and day (i hit whistle register while screaming, once). i see faces in the dark and creatures in my bedroom, even when my eyes are closed and i’m awake. i sleep with a light on, and i prefer to sleep in the day. i cannot even deal with the presences in my room.

for that matter, my room is definitely the most presence-heavy room in the house. now, although it’s obviously just in a drafty area, i feel the cold spots. all. the. time. i’m feeling one right now as i type this. the door and window are both closed. the heater is always on. the draft comes from the same corner of the ceiling my cat stares at when she’s “staring into space”. there’s definitely something there, but it legit doesn’t bother me. it watches me get dressed sometimes, but it’s not weird about it. like i said, benign.

i feel energy everywhere i go. i can’t stay in my family’s open plan living room comfortably for more than a few minutes, because that room is filled with people and pets coming and going all freaking day, and even when it’s empty, it’s so LOUD. there’s vibrations and voices coming out of the walls, because the house absorbs it all. as a generally tired person, that room exhausts me. i can only stay there if i have social energy. (yes, even an empty room.)

i am so, so sensitive to people’s moods and the energy they let out (to the point where i burst out screaming if i see a negative microexpression during a personal conversation). i find phone calls very difficult, not just because of social anxiety, but because i can’t sense energy as easily as i want to, and is natural for me. skype calls aren’t the same as being there in person. a lot of this could also be autism-related, but nearly everything about me is autism-related, because i’m autistic. go figure.

one time, the day i had my first period, i passed out in a maths exam. all the other times in my life, i’ve seen black or maybe red when i passed out, but this time it was a striking cobalt blue. and i heard SO MANY VOICES, i thought the whole classroom was full of people shouting. my P.E. teacher was observing that exam, she carried me out of the room and lay me on the floor outside. i told her about the voices, she looked at me in confusion and said “there were no voices?? the whole room was silent for the exam.” obviously that was a weird day, but given the amount of times i’ve lost conciousness in my life, before and after that day, i know the warm muggy feeling of slipping away, and i guarantee that one was just a little bit not-normal.

my cat Wilson follows me everywhere. if you’ve ever seen a picture of a witch and her familiar, that’s me and Wilson. she leaves the house if i leave, and she’ll walk down the road beside me to make sure i stay safe. she only lets me leave completely if i go in a car, but even then, she tries to come too. i know what she says when she talks. she speaks in words for me. it translates naturally in my head without a thinking process.

there was this one time when i was about 15 my parents took me to an after-hours medical centre because apparently i was ~speaking in tongues~ or whatever. i don’t remember it, i remember ‘waking up’ with a doctor’s flashlight in my eyes, crying, then holding my sister’s hand as we looked at the fish in the fishtank afterwards. i can’t say how legit that is because i just.. don’t remember it.

one time as a kid, i am absolutely sure i was possessed for about 30 seconds. i was walking down the street on a balmy English afternoon, pine needles scattered underfoot, with my elderly grandmother (paternal), my grandfather, and my sister. i must’ve been 6 or 7? and a streak of evil just bolted through me. and i stuck out my foot and my grandmother fell flat on her face. my grandfather tried to help her up, a car driving by pulled up and asked if they needed help, grandfather said no, and got her back to her feet. i can’t remember if i felt remorse. i think i just knew instinctively that it wasn’t me who did it. but like.. i wasn’t just A Nice Kid, okay, i was The Nicest Kid. i just don’t do things like that. ever. especially not to a kind and generous grandmother who i love so very dearly. i never had before, and i never have since. that’s the single most evil thing i’ve ever done in my life and it came out of nowhere. being more aware now, i think it was a djinn (aka a demon in christian beliefs, i think). they’re known for being mischievous. (my grandmother was fine, by the way. this is the first time i’ve told anyone about this.) now i think about it, i remember cobalt blue behind my eyes then, too.

whoops, this is a really long post now. but uh… basically, i’ve just always been open to feeling these things, and believing in what i sense for myself, without subscribing to whether or not the science has been done yet. in fact, i think i’m open to it because i experienced the same stuff when i was young. the energy i feel is very much real to me, completely tangible. i’ve never been able to see auras, but i feel them on some people. i think just being open to feeling something makes it more likely to come to you. i try not to ignore my instincts (because they’re always right. always.) but i find it’s super hard to distinguish between anxiety (which i feel often) and magical ability (which is far less commonly felt). also sometimes the instinct is so faint it doesn’t even become a passing thought, just a blur of something i half-considered. but in hindsight i realise what it ought to have been, had i paid proper attention.

i can comfortably manage to go outside in bare feet, shut my eyes and let the moonlight do its thing. it has an immensely powerful energy, i always feel cleaner inside when i go back in. (my cat Wilson sometimes asks me to go outside with her when there’s a full moon. almost every night, especially on warm nights, but even freezing ones, we can just stand out there for an hour together. watching the moon set is transcendent. far more so than a sunset.)

right now, due to years of bad health, i have to force some natural abilities away (like the nightmares) because they’re too much for me to handle. i think as i recover, over time it’ll be easier for me to accept that stuff back into my life.

oh, one more thing, regarding my health - i have celiac disease, which has kept me essentially bedridden for the last 7+ years - WHICH BY THE WAY, my family spent literally 9 years trying to diagnose. my doctor kept doing an anaemia test, telling me there was nothing wrong with me and sending me back to school. i saw various specialists, herbalists, a naturopath, physiotherapists, cardiologists, had an MRI scan, saw family counsellors, school counsellors, a hypnotist, etc etc - basically consulted every medical professional under the sun when a simple blood test would’ve done it. stupid misogynistic doctor who thinks all teenage girls fake it to get out of school.

but one thing we did do was visit a psychic, who told me i had something called a candida. my dad, a sceptic and nonbeliever, googled it and said it was “some kind of magical thing in the gut”, and was therefore bullshit, so we continued the search for a diagnosis. years later - years - after a change of doctor (who i chose because i got a good vibe from her picture) we find out it’s celiac disease, a disease of the gut. of the hundreds of people we saw, the only ones to even pinpoint the right body part were the psychics. i googled candida just now and guess what? literally celiac disease. this woman diagnosed me with celiac disease by kneeling at my feet, holding my hand, and shutting her eyes for 30 seconds.

for the record, slightly off topic, i know very few men in real life, and this is what the men in my life have been. my doctor, dismissing me as a liar because i was a teenage girl. and my father, dismissing my declining health as “not trying hard enough”, even now, more than a year after i was diagnosed by a doctor. i think this is why i take refuge with male fictional characters. they’re better. i want them to be soft and understanding like the men i’ve never known.

anyway, this is the part of my life’s story i never really pieced together until right now. it’s a lot, more than i expected. i happily call myself a witch. most of my magic goes into my stories, and i think a lot of people who read them feel it, even if they translate it as passion or love or good vibes or something. the amazing comments i get would speak to that. i love the energy i get from comments, because it does come through in typed words, even if it’s much fainter than seeing people face-to-face. some comments just hit me with waves of goodness, even if the words themselves aren’t so powerful. so i really appreciate that stuff. it’s good stuff.

yep. that’s all. i hope this satisfies your curiosity, anon!!! <3

Excerpts from Kip Kinkel's Confession transcript.
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Okay....So do you know what time it was when you got home?
  • KK Around one o'clock, one-thirty.
  • AW okay....Tell me what happens when you get home?
  • KK I had no other choice....I couldn't
  • AW You were feeling really guilty?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Okay....So your dad has guns, right?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW And where does he keep his guns?
  • KK He usually keeps them in his tennis locker at the swim and tennis club. But we could always shoot it once in awhile and so they were home
  • this time....Most of the time they're not home, only the rifles are there.
  • AW So only the 10.22 Ruger rifle was there?
  • KK Yeah, mm hum.
  • AW And where was that at?
  • KK I had that in my room.
  • AW You had that in your room?
  • KK Mm hu (yes).
  • AW Was it loaded or unloaded?
  • KK It was unloaded, (unintelligible).
  • AW So the ammunition was in your room?
  • KK It was in my parent's room but I had the gun.
  • AW Okay....So was your dad...Did he hit you or anything like that?
  • KK No.
  • AW Okay...Was he yelling or out of control or?
  • KK I couldn't I couldn't I had no other choice God.
  • AW You told me earlier he was in the kitchen.
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW And was that around 4 o'clock or could it of been earlier?
  • KK I think it was earlier.
  • AW You think it was earlier?
  • KK I'm not sure.
  • AW Okay...Let me ask you this
  • KK What?
  • AW Had I been a visitor in your home, would you have shot your dad?
  • KK I don't think so.
  • AW You don't think so.
  • KK I don't know I just I had no other choice he was saying all this I . .
  • AW He was saying all that stuff, kind of....He was saying a lot of
  • Negative stuff about you. Like what was he saying about you?
  • KK (crying)
  • AW Okay...He's mad at you because you got caught in school with the gun, right?
  • KK Right.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK And I (garbled) all his friends and everything knew (garbled).
  • AW So he was feeling ashamed and embarrassed because you did something wrong, is that right?
  • KK Right.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK I didn't want to. I loved my dad that's why I had to
  • AW You love him so that's why you had to kill him?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay...So what's he doing in the kitchen when you come in.
  • KK He was drinking something, I don't know.
  • AW Was his back to you?
  • KK Yes. Oh god...
  • AW Okay...Earlier you told me you walked up behind him and shot him in the head. Is that right?
  • KK Basically, yeah.
  • AW Basically?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Okay...Did you stand away from him while you shot him?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW How far were you when you shot him?
  • KK About ten feet.
  • AW Ten feet. And how many times did you shoot him?
  • KK Once.
  • AW And where did that bullet hit him?
  • KK Right above the ear.
  • AW Right behind the ear.
  • KK Yeah, above, yeah Oh my god (crying)
  • AW It's alright. So your dad falls to the kitchen floor.
  • KK He just laid on the counter.
  • AW He laid on the counter.
  • KK Mm uh.
  • AW Then what did you do?
  • KK I didn't know what to do so I dragged him into the bathroom and then put a white sheet over him.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK Oh, my god, my parents were good people, I'm just so fucked up in the head, I don't know why, (garbled).
  • AW So what do you do from the time you put the sheet over your dad and your mom comes home?
  • KK A few people called.
  • AW Do you remember who called?
  • KK Yeah, some of my friends and I just talked to them. I didn't say anything
  • about that and I didn't know what to do because...Oh my God, my mom was coming home and if she knew what I'd done she'd...Oh my god.
  • AW So your mom comes home around six, is that right?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay....Now I've never been to your house...And earlier you talked about a basement. Is that a garage that's underneath the house?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW So your mom drives in her car, right?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW And what is she driving?
  • KK An explorer.
  • AW Explorer?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW And she parks, where are you at?
  • KK I was waiting for her.
  • AW Okay....Outside or inside?
  • KK Inside.
  • AW Okay...Did she pull into the garage?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK Oh my god.
  • AW Do you have one of these automatic garage doors where she closes the door after she pulls in?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Was the door up or down?
  • KK Down.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK I just want to die.
  • AW I know.
  • KK Oh god. (crying)
  • AW So you told me that your mom gets out of the explorer and starts up the stairs from the garage or basement, is that right?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Do you say anything to her?
  • KK Yes, I told her I loved her.
  • AW And then you shot---
  • KK Yes. God damn it...these voices inside my head.
  • AW Alright, hey, (garbled) Kip....Kip, settle down, settle down, it's alright, it's alright...Just settle down, okay, just settle down.
  • KK I had no other choice.
  • AW Okay...So how far were you from your mom when you shot her?
  • KK I don't know.
  • AW Okay....Earlier you told me you shot her twice---
  • KK I think I shot her several times.
  • AW You shot her several times?
  • KK Cause I dragged her up into the basement after I shot her and she was still alive and I said that I loved her and I shot her...I shot her again so she wouldn't know that I killed her....I loved my mom.
  • AW ..Okay....So you didn't want your mom to know that you were the one that shot her.
  • KK Right.
  • AW And you loved your mom---
  • KK Yeah, I did.
  • AW So what did you do the rest of the night? Did you talk to any more friends?
  • KK No, I just...I didn't...I didn't know what to do...I held---
  • AW Okay.
  • KK I just held my glock to my head and I wanted to kill myself so bad but I
  • couldn't...I don't know why.
  • AW Now you said there was only one gun in the home, where did the glock come from? Did you go somewhere and pick up the glock?
  • KK No, it was in my dad's tennis stuff that he hadn't taken back to the Club.
  • AW Okay...So it was at home, too?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay....So did you get any sleep last night at all or do you stay awake all night?
  • KK Stayed awake.
  • AW Okay...Did you watch tv?
  • KK I turned it on to keep me company but I didn't watch it.
  • AW Okay...Alright...Now you shot your mom to save her the embarrassment and that sort of stuff, right?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay....Was that the right thing or the wrong thing to do?
  • KK I couldn't do anything else.
  • AW Okay...Now this morning you had planned to go to school and you had taped some bullets to your chest.
  • KK Yes.
  • AW What were those bullets for?
  • KK To kill myself if I ran out of ammunition.
  • AW And you told me earlier you took two knives, the Ruger 10.22 that was sawed off, a Ruger .22 caliber pistol and the glock 19 which was a 9 millimeter. Is that correct?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW And you took those to school.
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay...You were wearing a big overcoat. Were you hiding the weapons?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Okay....Why were you hiding them?
  • KK I didn't know what else to do.
  • AW You didn't know what else to do. Why did you go to school and start shooting people?
  • KK I had to. I had no other choice. I couldn't do anything else.
  • AW Had you been stopped by a police officer before you gotten to school would you have done that?
  • KK I don't know.
  • AW Why did you feel that you didn't have a choice with the kids at school?
  • KK I don't know I can't...my head is (garbled) I had to, I just had to.
  • AW Okay....Was there any kids that were in that group of people that you were seeing that you singled out as any one target?
  • KK No.
  • AW Do you know the names of any of those kids that you shot at?
  • KK No.
  • AW Okay....When we got here to the police department you had a knife that the officers had missed strapped to your leg, right?
  • KK Right.
  • AW And you had slipped your cuffs around to the front and when I opened the door you held that knife out and you charged me with that knife.
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Why did you do that?
  • KK Cause I wanted you to shoot me. I just want to die.
  • AW Okay....Was that the right thing or the wrong thing to do?
  • KK It has to be the right thing because I need to die more than anything else.
  • AW As you were growing up through elementary school and middle school, were you ever taken to a counselor?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW What for?
  • KK Cause I got in trouble with the police.
  • AW You got in trouble with the police?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW Is this about that book about making explosives or something?
  • KK Well it was kind of It was just a lot of things mom took me to.
  • AW Okay.
  • KK Oh god.
  • --
  • AW Alright...Well, you know, I'm going to give you a break, I'm going to stop right now. The time is at 10: 14 A.M.
  • AW Kip, I'm going to turn the tape recorder back on. The time is at 10: 24 A.M.
  • I just have a couple more questions for you and you may or may not have the answer for me. I want you to do the best you can, okay. You're shaking your head yes, the tape recorder doesn't pick up, you know, body movements that sort of stuff so.
  • KK Alright.
  • AW Okay...That's fine...Can I get you to scoot up just a little closer to the tape recorder cause I know this is not easy for you to talk about, it's not easy for me to ask you these questions, you know, but I'm trying to figure our why, why this happened so I can kind of put it in perspective for everybody, okay.
  • Why did you move your dad's body into the bathroom?
  • KK I felt like I had to do something.
  • AW Did you move him so that mom wouldn't walk in and see him.
  • KK I moved him because he was supposed to be on his back and I don't know.
  • AW Why did you cover him with a sheet?
  • KK It just felt like the right thing to do.
  • AW Okay...You did it out of respect for him?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW When did you decide in your mind that you had to kill your mom, before you shot your dad?
  • KK Afterwards.
  • AW Afterwards.
  • KK My dad kept saying how my mom...how embarrassed she was
  • going to be and how horrible I was and I couldn't let my mom feel like
  • that. I couldn't do anything else. There's no other way.
  • AW Had I been standing in your garage or riding with your mom, would you have shot your mom?
  • KK I don't know.
  • AW There's probably at least two hours from the time you shot your dad until your mom got home.
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW What did you do to prepare yourself for you having to shoot your mom.
  • KK I cried. I said I was so sorry. I had to though. I had to.
  • AW You said you were waiting for her.
  • KK Mm hu (yes).
  • AW where were you waiting for her at?
  • KK In the living room so I could see when the car came up.
  • AW And when she pulled in the garage and the garage door came down and she got out of her car, where were you?
  • KK I don't know I can't remember.
  • AW Were you hiding somewhere in the garage so that she had to walk past you?
  • KK No, I came down and helped her with her bags, bring them up.
  • AW Where was the gun at that point?
  • KK It was on my hip.
  • AW On your hip?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW And what kind of gun was that?
  • KK It was a .22, oh god.
  • AW Was it the 10.22 or was it the pistol?
  • KK It was the pistol .
  • AW It was the pistol. Who are these friends that called? Do you have names on those friends?
  • KK My friends had nothing to do with it.
  • AW Yeah, but, I know---
  • KK I don't want them to get in trouble.
  • AW They're not in trouble but you did talk to them and I think it's important that...Who were your friends that called?
  • KK I talked to Tony.
  • AW Tony go to school with you?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW And what's Tony's last name?
  • KK McCown
  • AW McCown. Do you have a phone number for Tony?
  • KK I don't know...It's on my watch.
  • AW Okay....Does Tony live up near you on Chita Loop?
  • KK No, he lives close to the school.
  • AW Okay, but it's Tony McCowan, is he a freshman?
  • KK Yes.
  • AW When did Tony call? Do you remember?
  • KK He called about 3: 15.
  • AW Did he kind of want to know what was up at school?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Did you guys talk about that?
  • KK Yeah.
  • AW Had you already shot your dad at that point?
  • KK No.
  • AW No, okay. So who else called or did you call someone?
  • KK No, Tony called and Nick and they were like on the party line thing, we were all talking so nick didn't call me, I called him.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering how you knew you were Demi? I don't have much experience but I was thinking I might be Demisexual, I don't find anyone attractive like other girls my age do. Thanks!

*old man voice* it all started so many years ago…

Just kidding, but it did start when I was a junior in high school. I was kinda scrolling through tumblr, as one would do, and I saw that one of my friends (one that I actually knew in real life and had classes with) was posting asexual things. I got curious, so I tried looking things up. Now, I live in a fairly conservative town. Not that people are blatantly homophobic or anything, but it wasn’t diversity central either (we are aptly nicknamed Vanilla Valley), so I hadn’t had much exposure to the lgbt+ community beyond gay people and the vague idea of trans people. I got really confused about what I was seeing, so I asked my friend what the word asexual meant. Somehow, in the process of trying not to look like an insensitive asshole, I ended up on a website that had the different ace identities. The word demisexual was on there, but I largely ignored it, since my friend is sex-repulsed ace and that’s more what I was interested in learning about.

That was my first time seeing the word, but something must have struck a cord with me, since I ended up kind of toying around with the idea of being asexual in some capacity. I even mentioned that to my mom (she promptly told me I wasn’t allowed to be asexual). In the end, I kind of discarded that idea since I was aware that I wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of sex. Time skip to when I was a freshman in college (I’ll be a sophomore in the fall). 

I had a few friends that I would get dinner with after lab, both of whom were in a relationship. I asked them how they met their respective boyfriends, and the conversation turned too, of all things, some of the kink they tried. We were all laughing and stuff, but, I don’t know, I just felt off. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I got back to my room, pulled out my laptop, and googled the word demisexual. I read about some of the common demisexual experiences and I was a little shell shocked. I told myself not to panic, so I made a list. Ways I was demisexual and ways that I wasn’t. The way that I wasn’t had one item. The was the was had somewhere close to fifteen (fifteen that I was willing to admit at the time, at least). So I messaged a different friend on tumblr who mentioned that she was demisexual and asked her about it. We talked for a while, and something clicked with me. When I woke up the next morning, I dived into the tag and was sorely disappointed. I wasn’t “out” to anyone yet, so I couldn’t make any posts on my main blog. I decided that I needed a healthy outlet for some of feelings. so I created this blog. That was that.

Over the course of the next several months, I kept up a sort of informal diary. It is strictly related to the demi stuff and helps me organize my thoughts. In retrospect, I never acted like you would expect a straight person to act. There was a lot of posturing on my end so that I would appear “normal.” Looking back has only strengthened what I already know. 

Okay, like, one time, all these kids on the bus were asking if I was gay. Which my response was totally not “why are you even asking me that” and was more along the lines of “what??? No???? I totally love guys. I’m super into dick.” Which. Come on. A guy asked me out once and I panicked so bad I ran away from him. Clearly I was convince both myself and the other people. But also, I never made any moves on anyone regardless of gender. I was always joking about some fake boyfriend I had. Everyone knew it was fake, which was the funny part, but wouldn’t someone else just joke about their crush? Yeah, didn’t have one of those. The last true and proper crush I had was in sixth grade and one day I decided I didn’t want to have a crush, so I promptly stopped all my feelings. Again, not something that a totally straight person would do. Like? Who just wakes up and decides “yeah, not in the mood to have a crush anymore. I’m over this.” and just be done like that unless they’re ace and trying to force attraction that isn’t there? 

Just looking back, there are so many little moments that were clearly me being vibrantly asexual. So if you have any of those little moments where you just feel out of the loop or are trying to convince other people of your attraction, you’re probably ace or demi in some way. Personally, I don’t feel comfortable talking about sex unless I intitate the conversation. In the same vein, I don’t like seeing sex, or even kissing, on tv or in movies. And I only like reading about it if I feel the characters have a deep enough connection AND I have been thoroughly warned in advance about the content. I need time to prepare myself or it makes me real uncomfortable real fast. Maybe that happens to you. Maybe not. And anyway, your lack of experience could be an indicator of your ace-ness. I mean, I’m 19 and I haven’t ever gone on a date. Not for lack of opportunity, but more because I just never really had the drive beyond a vague, abstract idea about what a hypothetical boyfriend would be like. 

I would link you to the website I used, but it seems to be down at the moment. I have a resources tag if you wish to look through and see if that can be of any use to you. I hope my long, anecdotal story helped you! Good luck!

              As far as villains go, Cass thought, the Red Hood wasn’t so bad.  Yes, he killed people, and that was inexcusable, but at least he didn’t kill innocents.  Plus, having once been Robin had to count for something, right?

              Which is why Cass didn’t turn around and leave when she saw Jason Todd sitting in the café on the corner of 15th and Larimer right where her “blind date” was supposed to be.

              The date had been Stephanie’s idea.  Cass needed some “normal socialization,” according to her, and Barbara had agreed.  So the three spent an afternoon taking photos of Cassandra from every angle and describing her in flattering half-truths (“How do you spend your free time?” “Fighting criminals.” “… Studying martial arts sounds better.”).  It didn’t take long for people to start contacting her, which Cass quickly learned was not always a good thing.  Quite a few people – mostly older men – sent her some very unsavory messages, often accompanied by unwarranted images of their supposedly impressive genitals.  One man in particular, a 54-year-old named Brad, had sent a message so vile that Cass had to physically restrain Stephanie from tracking him down and smashing his face in.

              Several people, though, had sent nice messages and seemed to genuinely want to get to know Cass. She got to chatting with most of them, and found that she actually enjoyed conversing with these strangers, though the textual communication was downright aggravating.  More than a little bit was lost when body language and emotion couldn’t be read.

              So when one of the strangers, who used the moniker ‘noprideallprejudice’ suggested meeting up in person, Cass jumped at the chance.  They agreed on a time and location, and Cass spent the morning being poked and prodded by Stephanie, who’d insisted on helping her friend get ready.

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Yoonjin amnesia au

I accidentally wrote a half outline/half fic of an amnesia au and it’s accidentally 4000 words so I’m accidentally posting it here because this is how I spent my day.

Yoongi’s from a Good family. Like not chaebol but a Good. Family. They sent him abroad to study, they got him tutors, he always had the latest cell phone, etc. Privileged. But he’s never wanted that life. He’s never wanted this life that’s about buying a car you can’t afford to impress people you don’t even like. He doesn’t want to be a doctor, doesn’t want to be a lawyer or a law maker or a business man. He wants to write music and live honestly, not hide his words or his feelings. So he rebels. Of course he rebels, he’s Yoongi.

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Title: Metallic pt. 9

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jumin Han x MC/Reader/You

a/n❗️ have fun reading, everyone!! this is the part 9 of Metallic!
also for those who have messaged me throughout the waiting for the updates and took their time to show support, thank you so much! i love all of you! you know who you are guys. pls never forget that ♡ 

also on the side note, will be opening up requests again next week~ please do request fluffy hcs/fics. i’ll try to balance out the angst this blog has lolol

8. | 9 | 10.

Disclaimer❗️ this prompt is based on days 7 - 9 of Jumin’s route but i took it from there. fic might contain themes that is not suitable for some audiences. you’ve been warned!

update mentions❗️
@the-sloth-woman ;; @yuri-luciel ;; @ell3nj0y ;; @yoruwasu ;; @jetblckcrow ;; @thewibblywobblyfamilybusiness ;;

❝ Why don't I like the girl I see?
The one who's standing right in front of me.
Why don't I think before I speak?
I should have listened to that voice inside me.
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind...
To say the kind of things I said last night;

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall,
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all...
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me... ❞

“ … Congratulations, Ms. (Y/N). We have decided to let you go home and continue the evaluation of your situation at your house. We figured that the hospital environment might just strain you more.” You only stared blankly at your sheets as you listened to the doctors, Jaehee taking down notes of each important details about the order. “I adviced Ms. Kang to stay with you so we can monitor you further. We believe she’d be the perfect one to the job.”
Your eyes drifted over Jaehee who was concentrating upon the words of the doctors and when she noticed you looking at her, she graced you with a reassuring smile. You sighed to yourself because you’d be bothering her over her busy schedule. She is tired enough everyday and now you’re going to be babysitted by her — doesn’t she ever get mad? These things are just suddenly thrown on her already full plate…

“Alright, I will. Thank you for believing in me, Doctor.” You heard her say just as she stood up to have a formal handshaking gesture with the doctors – much like closing a deal. “I’ll take good care of her.”

Few more words were exchanged and then they were gone. You heard you can be discharged tomorrow morning that’s why this afternoon, your dextrose would be removed since only ¼ of the entire bottle remains. You only need to finish it and then you’re good to go.
Jaehee shuffled on her feet as she went over to the far side of the room, in front of a closet and slowly picked your clean hanged clothes and folded it neatly so she can place them inside the duffel bag she brought with her earlier.

Jaehee is such a good, caring person. Despite everything, she have always voluntarily aided you through your hospitalization. She was a very good friend for you since the beginning. You bit your lip at this — she did not deserve any of this. You, being a burden to her, and whatever might have happened during the course of the days since you had no clue whatever it was that happened during the RFA Party.
And that’s when an idea lit up inside your head.

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