Thunderbirmon and Digitalworldproblems' Guide to Digimon
Make friends with everyone, they'll come back later.
Unless you're in the Frontier Digiworld in which case if they come back there's every chance they're going to die.
Or if they're Leomon. Any Leomon.
Don't pick favourites, because chances are they will die.
Never split up from the group because you'll probably die or have several near-death experiences if you do.
Always have optimism, even if you don't, pretend you do. Everything in the Digital World that has a consciousness will feed off negativity. Always act like you are happy or else you are screwed.
Bring several pairs of gloves, eventually something will throw poop at you and you better be prepared.
Expect to find an evil Digimon that will end up becoming a good Lopmon.
If you have goggles, you're probably going to be the most powerful. If you don't have goggles, argue incessantly with whoever does and that works too.
If you do not fit into either category, be prepared to be tossed aside while those two do all of the fighting.
Make sure you can swim, someone somewhere will make sure you end up attacked in the water.
You must be in perfect physical condition because at many points you will be required to run for your life for extended periods of time.
Practice friendship speeches every day, one might just save your life.
Have ridiculous hair, have unnaturally coloured eyes and wear ridiculous shoes to fit your giant feet.
Have at least one tragic thing in your past to look back on and give you strength to fight further at a pivotal moment.
There will always be a missing extra member of your group. Search for this person at all times.
Unless it's Ryo. He'll show up eventually, no point trying to rush it.
The small child of your group is actually capable of taking care of themselves, no matter how incompetent they appear to be.
Establish a really annoying trait early on so that when you overcome it, it counts as character growth.
Know that your Digimon is nothing but a tool for character development.
The comedy villain always comes after the storm.
Be aware that if you so much as breathe next to another character, people will ship you. It's unavoidable, no matter how much or how little of an age gap there is, whether you are related or not, or whether you are the same species or not.
If you don't want hate mail forever, never get in the way of Tai and Sora. There are people out there who will fuck your shit up.
Expect to have your heart broken once your adventure is over.
If you want to do something and never have an American or European see it, do it while peeing and nobody will ever hear of it
If your partner Digimon has a form that resembles humans, never Google that form's name and look at images, or else you will never be able to see your partner the same way again.
Actually just never Google your partner, nothing is sacred.
Never Google yourself and another character in the same search, the effects will be even worse than googling your partner and looking at images.
Unless you're into that, I guess. We're not judging. (We are. We aaare.)
Don't even bother bringing food. You will only need to eat in the first few episodes and then you will never get hungry or thirsty again.
Remember - It's never a game. This advice will make most bad humans turn good. And possibly crush their souls.
If a Digimon tells you that you can trust them, there is a 99% chance you can't and they will turn on you and probably steal any essential belongings of yours.
Falling is only fatal in the human world, anywhere else and something will conspire to catch you.
Once you think you have defeated the final enemy, you have not. There will always be one that is stronger, or the same one will return twice more.
Don't worry though, despite being stronger, Digivice ex machina will intervene and save the day.
Light is the almighty good but darkness is also good??
If whoever explains this first is themselves a representative of darkness, they're lying and evil. Everyone knows objective evaulations of darkness only come from the almighty light.
There will always be an evil Digimon who will attempt to convince you to believe that you are the only sane person in the group and that the evil powers of darkness that you have spent your entire time fighting against will help you rise above the commoners.
Sexy is evil. Anyone who thinks they're sexy is therefore evil.
Your Digimon is always right yet they will still do whatever you force them to.
If they're small but have two legs they're probably Ultimate level or higher.
Walk down stairs, do not run.
No really we're not kidding. Walk down stairs, do not run.
If your Digimon is blue and related to dogs, you will be playing an important role.
Same goes for fire Digimon.
You must love eating weird food combinations. It is a custom with Digimon protagonists.
No matter how desperate the situation, you always have time to chat, sass, and bicker.
When holding up your Digivice to activate something, it is essential that you do some hand movements and turn around a few times before actually activating it.
Beware Digimon bearing banquets.
When you kill an enemy Digimon, make sure to destroy the body because they will probably come back if you don't.
All adults should be assumed to be dangerous idiots until proven otherwise.
Do not accept any direct help from adults because they will probably make everything worse.
Accepting help from Digimon will probably kill them in the long run.
Don't feed your Digimon too much food or else they won't be able to move in times of a crisis.
There is no moment that doesn't need terrible jokes.
At some point, some almighty celestial Digimon will descend and explain everything to you that was supposed to be explained at the start.
If something calls itself God it's probably evil.
Never trust any digimon named after Satan.
The whole Digimon level actually mattering thing will eventually gravitate towards being total bullshit as your adventure continues.
Wear clothes relating to your personality.
Don't reveal anything in an internal monologue you wouldn't want the world to know.
If you always wear headgear, expect everyone to beg you to take it off at some point just so that they can see your hair.
Sea Digimon can fly out of water. Legless Digimon can fly. Any Digimon can fly if the plot demands it.
Until suddenly your Digimon becomes aware that it needs wings in order to fly. Then it will no longer be able to fly.
Your Digimon can engage in colossal battles in the real world. They will probably destroy buildings while stopping that digimon from destroying buildings, but fuck it, it's in the name of good, right?
Despite the name, baby Digimon can take anything up to a building collapsing on them as long as they aren't the target of it.
If you're in the Tamers universe, you don't need to wait for a magical bonding moment for your Digimon to evolve. You can just cheat by slashing an evolution card.
All prophesies and legends are true, and are probably about you. Especially the ones involving a great darkness.
Even if the entire world sees you save both worlds, you won't be treated like a hero. People probably won't even remember the existence of Digimon about 5 seconds after the problem disappears.
No matter how much the world is going to end in like five minutes and you've proven yourself competent before, all normal people are going to insist on you doing your chores and homework and staying where it's safe while the world dies.
Even though you're pretty much excused from school, you'll probably still have to do homework. But on the bright side, there is pretty much no bedtime!
Always get into petty fights with your Digimon so you can reunite stronger than ever later.
Keep your Digimon a secret from your family/friends and if they see it, deny that they saw it. Apparently the giant monsters rampaging through the streets are more normal than a partner Digimon.