i understand. you found paradise in tumblr. you had some good posts, you made a good blog, the blacklist protected you and the tags were plentiful. you didn’t need a friend like me. but now you come to me and you say “outofcontextarthur, they’re not monkeys, muffy was a hippo”. but you don’t ask with respect. you don’t offer friendship. you don’t even think to call me godfather. instead, you come into my blog on the day my daughter is to be married and y
How to Have a Highly Successful Social Reputation When You Have Severe Anxiety to The Point of Agoraphobia:
go to one in three events you are invited to, as long as you are given that invitation over a week in advance to prepare,
tell people beforehand that you have to leave by a specific time due to Excuse (even ‘early morning tomorrow’ works if you inform them immediately upon receiving invitation), stick to this departure time at all costs, regardless of events,
pretend to be Hannibal Lecter when you get there.
you must at all times be amiable and charming so people don’t realize you are a serial killer
you can hang out by the food and compliment it and ask questions about ingredients and stuff
you can focus on making subtle cannibalism puns throughout the night (and yes this does help)
you are interested in people, and learning about those people, because you have that whole ‘choosing victims’ thing going on and also have to think of an ironically beautiful way to kill them
THEY CAN NEVER KNOW YOU ARE PRETENDING YOU’RE HANNIBAL LECTER, so you better use a cover story of being yourself when they ask questions. quickly deflect back to your target conversation partner.
another part for the baby shinichi au, this time with ‘ellery’ making himself a nightmare for haibara to look after so she’ll hurry up with her antidote. this is probably right after she tells him he’s better this way because at least now he can’t run off and reveal his identity to people (plus he’s still ticked off about hattori being the one to name him after his favourite writer, how dare she allow that to happen)