i don't know what's up with it

After, Therefore Because of It words by noncorporealform | Art by artgroves

Rating: E
Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence
Words: 94k
Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers
Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, P.I. Bucky Barnes, pre-serum Steve Rogers, murder mystery, conspiracy, human experimentation, past sexual abuse, minor character death

Summary: “If you move back to Brooklyn, we can pick up where we left off,” Bucky said.

“Where did we leave off?” Steve asked.

Bucky had an image in his head that had never dimmed in intensity. It was a closed door. The door in his childhood apartment, and Steve was on the other side of it, walking away down the hall. Confusion grabbed at his seventeen year-old heart. He had wanted Steve back as soon as he walked away, even though he understood the reasons for him leaving. Where Bucky wanted to pick up was to figure out that strain in his heart that came after the door shut, the one he hadn’t understood, and still didn’t.

“I don’t know,” Bucky admitted.

Steve wants Bucky’s help to solve the murder of Dr. Abraham Erskine. Meanwhile, Bucky wants to find out what happened to Steve after his mysterious disappearance at seventeen.

written for the @thestuckylibrary-bigbang | @sbbsnippets

The appointment went really well. Like, if 1 is the worst it could have been and 10 is the best, it was 8.5 at least. I guess I should be happy about it, but I’m kinda more… okay. Calm. Anxiety-free for the moment. And honestly thank god for that.

The specialist is a genuinely nice, empathetic, kind person - or at least that’s the kind of vibe I got from him. Like I don’t know how, but I can see that he really cares. He also seems to be very up-to-date on all of the info and makes an effort to draw a line between what is legally required of him and what he actually thinks is fair and necessary. I really liked that. He knows the system is fucked up, but he is willing to be a kind of a guide for trans folks to get through that system.

He also obviously has a lot of experience in the field and has a whole team of people working with transgender clients - psychologists, an endocrinologist, even a person who does karyotype readings. He is a professional, but he is also a human being who knows a lot of trans people and trusts them more than he trusts cis scientists or doctors when it comes to trans related issues. He is the first ever person in real life who I’ve heard say the word ‘nonbinary’ and not use it as a joke.

The bottom line for me is that I’ll have another appointment with him in October (cause he is gonna be on holiday for a month), during which he will also speak with my parents, and then I’m gonna have therapy with a psychologist from his team for ‘a few months’. It really depends he said, some need 2, some need 6. Then, if that’s what I need, I can start HRT. 

But like… I really needed someone to believe me and he did. I suck at reading facial expressions but I could tell he believes me and he cares. So that was the best part. I’m alive, I have problems, those problems are real, and he will try his best to help me. And that’s the most important thing.

on another somewhat more important note most of Bo Burnham’s songs are very grave and solemn but wrapped in offensive/obvious humor. Like almost every song is a scream for help or a call to attention but with jokes added so you’re not overwhelmed by everything he’s saying. it fucks me up


infodumping about the ocean


video game meme: [2/5] soundtracks  → Horizon: Zero Dawn (Joris de Man)