<b>Super Junior:</b> old school legends, no one can compare. Loyal af fans, still stan them after Hyukjae's bad eyebrow era and all the scandals. Kings of hosting shows. Literally it's just Heechul holding down the fort and exposing everyone he can while everybody else gets their military service done. #justiceforSungmin #makeSiwonCEOofSM<p/><b>Big Bang:</b> kpop kings, basically carved the way for third generations. Were hella problematic sometimes but tbh who hasn't. G-Dragon could literally sing about crayons and make a music video with TOP while they pee on each other and still top the charts....oh wait, he did. Daesung out here setting the beauty standards for everyone in s. Korea. #getTaeyangashirt #makeSeungriCEOofYG<p/><b>SHINee:</b> kpop princes, but everyone and their mom knows they're kings. It's just 4 proud moms taking care of their sonshine, Lee Taemin. They don't attend variety shows, variety shows attend them. Out here roasting everybody including themselves, and every producer is scared to have them guest tbh. Vocals out of this world, get ready to be blessed. #shineeorpinee #whereisJonghyun'skazoo<p/><b>Infinite:</b> invented synchronized choreography. Hella supportive of each other and will probably jump off a cliff if Woohyun suggested it. Tbh no one knows what's going on in Dongwoo's head, but it's all good bc he's the resident happy virus. Only the members are allowed to pick on their leader, they'll bite your head off if you do. Still one of the most underrated groups, it's insane. #redchilipepperpaste #kingsofsychronization<p/><b>EXO:</b> just a single mom raising her 8 kids after a tragic breakup. There are two types of fans: ot12 China line forever & everyone is gay for each other. Still waiting on Baekhyun to adopt us all. Everyone suffers when EXO isn't promoting. Always fighting something/are angsty in their MV's ??? #lipstickchateau #yixingcomehome<p/><b>BTOB:</b> legit the most extra group ever. Besties with Vixx, Ilhoon was probably a love child between Minhyuk and Hakyeon. A member can fit his whole fist in his mouth, and the other can break a whole watermelon with his head...don't test them. Have the most amazing ballad songs but are always underrated. #Peniel'swalltwerk #stopChangsub<p/><b>VIXX:</b> concept kings, there isn't a single thing they couldn't pull off. We were all baptized by Hakyeon's dancing. Have the best relationship with their fans, even wrote a song about Starlights. Call Ravi if you wanna make a cute diss track about your enemy. Possibly might be the epitome of contradiction, you're gonna have whiplash after every comeback. #whereisLeo'ssolo #KenVi4life<p/><b>BTS:</b> actually are hella cool once you get past the problematic fans. Massive headaches are all you're gonna experience after trying to figure out the meaning of a music video. Buddies who watch porn together, stay together. They go so hard on their choreography ?? Shook. The true definition of "started from the bottom now we're here" #gucciislove #gucciislife<p/><b>Topp Dogg:</b> could probably rule the third generation of kpop if they weren't so underrated. They have nothing to do but go around and kiss men's lips all day. Peppero embasadors. Titty Boyz. Fans are loyal af, and probably have one of the cutest fan names ever. They're each others biggest shippers, probably. #hanjooruinedme #WOW<p/><b>Got7:</b> if you thought btob was bad, you're gonna have a stroke. Dab7. Diversity at its finest. Always needing to be in trend and act hip, just don't let Bambam near the aux cord. Besties with probably every group out there. Stop taking off your shirt literally no one cares ???? No cucumbers. #EEEEEAAAAZZY. #welcometoYoungjae'sclass<p/><b>Monsta X:</b> were so awkward around each other during No.Mercy but are now the best of besties. Everyone wants to know what Changkyun is thinking. Shownu, please drop that screamo album. Someone is always screaming at some point and no one knows why. Hyungwon is on his way to becoming an international meme/runway model. #pepewho? #bringwonhosomenoodles<p/><b>Day6:</b> not the Fandom name we wanted, but it's the one we deserve. It's just jae trying to westernize his 4 meme kids, while also attempting to teach them the meaning of life: Bob. Everyone is shook now that JYP finally knows what to do with them. Tough love with father jae, but he totally doesn't hate the second maknae. #lobsterforjae #wonpildumbasalways<p/><b></b> lmao don't be offended by any of this bc I literally have no life so u have nothing to be offended about<p/></p>
They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:
So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
Guys: It was me.
One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT”
he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
We never saw her in detention again😂
My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao
Shit, your teacher Bakugou idea is something I never considered but now think would be really cool. Cuz he would not stop being a hero but he wouldn’t half-ass being a teacher so it would be like how All Might attempted to hero and teach but could actually work. Plus, I’m all for Bakugou’s role model switching with time to Aizawa. 10/10 idea.
OMG Fran now i want to see Teacher or Older Bakugou or or Bakugou with Aizawa
Bless both of you for giving me a reason to talk about this cause honestly I love this idea way more than striktly necessary - this!!! is how I like to think it would go down:
Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
*sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
*dramatic music plays*
My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
*walks out onto the stage*
F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
Please take a seat, son.
*sits very disrespectfully*
Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
*Dr. Phil theme plays*
*The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
*runs to the audience member*
Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
*hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
Then what is it?
No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
*successfully undoes the straps*
C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
*resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
*the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
*the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
Okay, calm down.
*the entire audience screams in unison*
What the fuck is that!?
It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
*the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
Don't shush me!
*covers the gamer's mouth*
*agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
You want it to turn back around and find us?
Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
*a snake bites the audience member's neck*
*eyes roll up*
*screams like a baby*
*snakes slither under the closet door*
*stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
*attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
*agonized screaming echoes from all around*
Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
THERE IS NO HELL.
Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
What the fuck are you?
I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
You're not Dr. Phil!
I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
*the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
*Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
*crawls onto the stage*
*dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
... *someone clears their throat*
What's the matter?
Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
Okay, but I can’t stop thinking about Eddie and Richie in university.
So it’s a few years later after Pennywise and the Loser Club have carried on with their lives, real life doesn’t stop for anyone ya know, paranormal clown killers or not. And for real-life reasons, everyone goes to different universities in and out of the state.
For this reason, of course, Eddie makes new friends, who are a little surprised at first when he reveals he’s taken as he’s flirted with at a party one night. It becomes a game among these friends to imagine what this guy significant other would be like. Obviously, she would be some girl with straight A’s and neatly parted hair who wears summer dresses and probably wears glasses - the stereotypical image of a good Christian girl.
One afternoon Eddie had mentioned his ‘significant other’ was coming to visit and they all took this as the opportunity to finally see this put-together, pure, Puritan girl.
So you can imagine their shock when a boy, with straggly black hair to his jaw, covered in freckles and moles, wearing a faded (only slightly stained) Nirvana shirt and ripped jeans clambers out of an old pickup truck with a shout of, “EDS MOTHERFUCKING KASPBRAK, HAVE I MISSED YOU!”
Maybe this boy was just his friend? Maybe he was just dropping her off as well? Would Eddie Kaspbrak, the boy who starts his essay’s the night he gets them, goes to every morning lecture and who is never seen without brushed hair, trouser pleats and a pressed shirt be with the guy with the massive smudged glasses and broken converse?
But then Eddie doesn’t answer him, just kisses him so hard the boy is slammed back into the door of the truck, and his friends give up.
Alternatively, at his university, Richie’s friends think similarly to Eddie’s. I mean. Richie Tozier, the boy who burnt down the dorm kitchen trying to make goddam pasta, got thrown out of Target for climbing on the checkout counter to dance to the Macarena, and has never been seen wearing a clean shirt in his life - would he be really interested in some preppy clean-cut girl?
Nah, his friends guessed she would be a punk girl with dyed red, no GREEN, hair and wore fishnets and had loads of piercings and got expelled from loads of schools. Yeah, that’s who Richie Tozier would like.
Oh, how naive and wrong they were.
Because one day Richie took a shower longer than 5 minutes, ran a brush through his hair, and was even spotted walking into a laundromat. So either he’d finally snapped, or his significant other was visiting.
They came with him to the park where they expected to find the cyber-punk girl sat under a tree to escape the sun that would tan her perfect porcelain skin or that could melt the random plastic shit she had attached to her crazy clothes and in her hair.
But then they see Richie walking towards a park bench next to a lake and they are gobsmacked. Sat there was the most conforming, suburban-looking boy they’d ever seen, wearing a dress shirt tucked into pleated trousers with a belt that matched his smart shoes which were the same shade of brown as his round eyes and impeccable hair, throwing handfuls of bread into the pond like a young elderly man.
They watch how as soon as he approaches the boy stands up with a glare before starting to fix his collar from the nice polo shirt under his freshly clean Star Wars shirt and running his fingers gently through his hair he had attempted to tame, clicking his tongue beratingly and saying something they couldn’t hear.
Maybe he was another friend trying to make him look good for the girlfriend on her way?
Then Richie grabs the hand in his hair further into the thick mess and tugs him closer to kiss him deeply, wrapping his lanky arms around the doll-like shorter boy. It’s when the boy stretches onto his toes and flings his arm around Richie’s neck to hold him tighter against him that his friend’s stop trying to pretend they can predict who Richie Tozier is.
-the “shovel talk”, which would be kara attempting to be intimidating, but maggie is so understanding and straightforward about her intentions with alex that they end up just hanging out and bonding instead.
-supergirl showing up to maggie’s crime scenes unannounced just to “check in” and maggie realizing that kara keeps an eye on her when she’s on the job bc she cares about her safety.
-kara talking about game night and assuming maggie will be there because she’s part of the family now. maggie’s heart swelling at having people who love her.
-kara being all up in sanvers’ business all the time bc she has no concept of boundaries. alex being semi annoyed, and maggie being amused.
-maggie giving kara sound advice about something and kara telling her she’s grateful that now she has two sisters to look to for help.
-both of them getting together for a regular tv night, exchanging theories for the outcome of the show. maggie sitting at her desk the next day loving all the “ooh but what if…” texts from kara.
-kara helping maggie set up a perfect date or surprise for alex. maggie thinking kara will for sure ruin the surprise because of her giggles, but she’s better at keeping secrets than maggie thought.
-kara blowing out her powers one day and maggie not passing up the opportunity to try and beat supergirl at arm wrestling.
-maggie and kara getting to know each other, protecting/supporting each other, and slowly becoming sisters like they should be.
Harry read the article again. He didn’t know why he put himself
through it. Rita Skeeter’s outlandish claims never failed to make him angry.
And he’d already forced The Daily Prophet to run a redaction days ago.
No, he did know, actually. It was the accompanying image. The
one with Draco Malfoy staring right into the camera, unblinking, a challenge in
his eyes. It was familiar but at the same time nothing Harry had ever seen
before (except during his many rereads of this particular paper). Malfoy had
aged. Matured obviously since he was now a Ministry official. There was just
something about his face. The same but different. Harry was drawn to it.
Harry looked up to find that same face at his doorway, focusing a
steely gaze on Harry. He was so shocked he forgot he was holding a cup of tea.
It dropped to his desk with an embarrassing clatter, spilling its contents, all
over Malfoy’s inked face.
The Malfoy at Harry’s office door – the real one – didn’t move.
His eyes flickered down to Harry’s desk, watching the spill unfold passively.
Harry jumped to his feet and quickly bundled up the wet paper,
throwing it face down into a waste basket at his feet. He wasn’t sure if he’d
been fast enough.
He looked back up to Malfoy, searching for any sign he might
have seen. Nothing. But that hardly meant much. Harry suspected Malfoy’s
emotions didn’t play so obviously on his face anymore. He nodded in what he
hoped was a professional courteous manner. "Dralfoy.”
Harry froze, the awful blunder hitting his ears just as it came
out of his mouth. He could feel himself blushing, his palms getting clammy, his
knees weak. Was simply Malfoy’s presence enough to make him come undone these
And just when he thought things couldn’t get worse, Harry, not
quite sure how much longer he’d be able to stand for, slumped back into his seat -
or at least attempted to – but misjudged the position and ended up plummeting
to the floor instead.
The only saving grace – if there was any positive to the
situation at all – was that at least on the floor, behind his desk, he was
hidden from sight. He wondered if he crawled under his desk and stayed there,
if Malfoy would get the idea and leave. Harry was seriously considering the option
when Malfoy came into view again, stepping around the desk to loom over Harry.
He offered a hand. Harry gladly took it, forgetting for a moment
the current predicament of said hands. And sure enough, after Malfoy helped
Harry to his feet, he quickly let go and wiped his hand on his trousers.
Harry wanted to close his eyes and crawl up into a ball in the
corner of the room. He never wanted to look Malfoy in the eye again. In less
than a minute, he had made himself look like a complete fool. And all it took
was for Malfoy to walk in the bloody room.
Malfoy cleared his throat. “I just came by to say hello. I
thought it was polite given we work in the same building now. Which, of course,
you already know.” His eyes darted to the waste basket. Shit.
“I had The Daily Prophet write a redaction,” Harry blurted out, as if
that would help. Although at least he managed to get the words right this time.
“That was you? I should have guessed. You never miss an
opportunity to save my skin.” Malfoy’s lips quirked upward for the smallest
moment before his composure returned. “Well, it was nice seeing how the other
side lives. I suppose I must get back to it.”
“Right,” Harry managed to nod. “I’ll get the door for you.”
They both stared at the open door.
Having already committed to the pointless task, Harry hurried
forward and tripped over his own feet, falling right into Malfoy’s waiting –
his reflexes were still as fast as they were in Quidditch – arms. Could Harry be more embarrassing?
Malfoy righted Harry but kept a firm grip on him – perhaps he
thought Harry might slump to the floor otherwise, which was probably an
accurate assumption at this stage.
There was amusement in
Malfoy’s face now, a lightness in his eyes. “Are you always this clumsy,
Potter, or am I special?”
“You’re special,” Harry answered quickly as he didn’t want
Malfoy to think this was how all his mornings went. Although, after he realised
what he’d said, he quickly tried to take it back: “No, I mean, wait, I mean,
that’s not what I -“
Malfoy took a step back, dropping his arms. “No need to be so
flustered, Potter,” he interrupted. “I keep all the newspapers with your face
on them too.”
Harry’s brain short-circuited. He must have stood there blinking
at Malfoy for a solid five seconds before he was able to ask: “All of them?”
“Thirty-four and counting.” Malfoy winked. “You know, Potter, if
you were to take me out to dinner, I’m sure the outing might be scandalous
enough to make the front page. We could add to both our collections.”
“If I – you – dinner?” Harry repeated, a little discombobulated.
“Why, Potter,” Malfoy said, a cheeky smile appearing on his
face, “I thought you’d never ask. I’d love to.”
Harry blinked – it was the only action he was capable of.
Malfoy laughed lightly when Harry didn’t reply. He made to exit,
but paused briefly to call out over his shoulder: “I finish at six.”
Only when Malfoy was out of view did Harry let his knees give in.
In this post I want to give a list of reasons why Twincer is my prime suspect as AD. I know a lot of these ‘clues’ come from interviews, but they’re still really convincing for me at least. I’ve definitely missed some of the clues from within the show because they’re not as easy to spot - we need to know for sure if Twincer is happening, then we can dig further. (The fun won’t instantly stop once the finale airs.) But for now, enjoy these, and at the end, I give my theory as to the motive.
Please note: none of this is overly new. This is just the summation of everything we’ve been talking about on my blog for the past couple months. I wanted to put all the ideas into one post, rather than 31529 mini posts scattered here and there. I will be updating this as we find more.
The famous airport scene from 715. We all already think it’s weird that "Spencer" asked Ezra to not tell anyone he saw her there with Wren. What’s weirder, is the fact that Wren and “Spencer” were arguing. Amongst muffle, I heard Spencer say "stop calling me that" (let me know if you heard differently). Did Wren have a slip-of-the-tongue moment and call her Spencer rather than the twin’s real name?
Dr. Cochran’s story is very telling. We all already know the ambiguous implication that Mary had more than two babies, because Dr. Cochran said he dealt with “two of Mary’s babies”. What’s more interesting is the second baby he dealt with. The first baby (Charlotte) he gave to Jessica. He said that the second baby that he delivered was placed in family county services. This could not have been Spencer, since Spencer was delivered to Veronica within 5 minutes of birth. So, who was that second baby that was placed in family services? I believe it was Spencer’s twin. Why? Dr Cochran referred to that second baby as “underweight but tenacious” - lo and behold, the next episode, Toby calls Spencer tenacious. This was the writers foreshadowing the similarities between this second baby, and Spencer. Twins.
We all know Hanna’s ‘dream’ in 701. It makes no sense that Hanna was able to dream ‘Spencer’ saying the name A.D. since Hanna was kidnapped before these initials were even revealed. Perhaps Hanna was visited by Twincer; the one holding her captive.
A.D. needs to stand for something. Spencer’s twin could literally have the initials A.D., since we know she would be Mary Drake’s child. Her first name would start with A and the D would stand for Drake.
Brendan and Ian both confessed to being confused by the identity of A.D. They needed the backstory to understand it. Is that because they had no idea who has the name “Alex Drake” (for example) ?
Tyler said before 7B aired that “you’ve never met AD. You kind of have. You’ll know what I mean”. This can be interpreted in two ways: you’ve never met Twincer but since you know Spencer, you kind of know who AD is. Or. You’ve seen Twincer over the years, but thought it was Spencer. Either way, Tyler’s comment screams twin-theory to me. This could apply to any twin theory, but in this context, I’m using it for Spencer.
Ian said (0:57) that “fans will be satisfied to a point. Right when it seems it’s gonna be really great, it might do a little [downwards hand motion]”…. That cheeky smile on Ian’s face when he said “it seems it’s gonna be really great”… what could be greater than a liar being AD? Ian could be referring to the fact that they initially show us Troian under the hoodie, making us think Spencer is AD. Then, after commercial break, they will reveal it’s just her twin, hence the “it might do a little [downwards hand motion]”. We will be satisfied to a point, he said. It’ll start off amazing by thinking it’s Spencer, oh wait, it’s another twin.
Ashley said (0:14) that she didn’t even know the A.D. reveal is possible. Because she did not expect a second pair of twins to come along?
“It’s like there are two of you living in this house. You, and you’re evil twin, and we’re not sure who’s coming down to breakfast". said Veronica to Spencer in 423. Foreshadowing at it’s finest.
Spencer doesn’t remember this flashback. Was it her twin? And oh how coincidental, that the writers tell us a time Spencer doesn’t remember, in the same scene Veronica makes the above comment about Spencer’s “evil twin”.
“Where are they?” said Mary as she entered the Hastings house (flashback from 717). Who is they? The twins? She proceeded to say that Spencer is the only good thing she’s ever made. Maybe Mary knows Spencer’s twin is evil, and is neglecting her.
“You look very much like your sister. Almost like twins”. said Mary to Spencer in 701. The writers wanted us to think that Mary was talking about Spencer and Melissa, since Mary was holding a picture of the half-sisters. But, were the writers, and therefore Mary, hinting towards Twincer? Is Mary being blackmailed/forced (by Peter?) to keep quiet on Twincer, and she had a slip-of-the-tongue moment here?
Marlene is very aware of the Twincer theories. Back in 2014 she said that Troian sent her an online fan theory regarding Spencer having a twin who is A. Marlene was blown away by it and she thought it was a very well thought out plan with detailed evidence across the series. Watch from 1:35. Whilst you may be saying “there’s NO WAY Marlene spoilt her own show’s ending in an interview!!” - I feel like she had no idea the show would go on for 7 seasons, and once they got renewed, she panicked. “Shit, we need a new Uber A. Let’s go with that brilliant fan theory Troian sent me”. She probably regrets making this interview now. You can tell her passion for Twincer in this interview. She talks so damn highly of it.
Marlene has said that the person who plays A.D. had known for a while. We know that Marlene told Troian the entire ending of the show years in advance. “Just like I had story time with Marlene, you all now get story time with Pretty Little Liars” said Troian.
The girl in the coffin in the opening has the exact same black puffy shirt as Spencer.
Why does it seem that A.D. is always going after the Hastings? Why shoot Spencer, out of all the liars? Why demand Aria to plant the audio device in the Hastings? Why not ruin the Marin household? The jealous twin wants her ungrateful sister dead, hence the shooting, and the jealous daughter is angry she never got adopted. Too much of the story is Hastings-oriented.
“They’re all some pretty. Good. Theories.” Was Janel’s response to being asked about the Spencer-twin theories. (22:20)
And, I’ll just leave this here. Good one @prettylittlesessions !
“Spencer’s” weird comments in 718. In 718 “Spencer” says to Toby “you know what its like to be the outsider. Removed from friends and family”. What made her say this? Nothing was said or done in 718 to prompt our Spencer to say this.
Keegan said there are no more Spoby kisses in 7B. “I can honestly say that there is not another Spoby kiss.” Yet - there was one in 718. Either Keegan lied, or that was Spencer’s twin. (10:15)
“It’s somebody you have seen.” says Marlene in regards to who AD is. Was she talking about the Spoby kiss in 710, which Twincer referred to in 718 when she kissed Toby again? Marlene was very careful to avoid saying “it’s someone you KNOW”. We don't “know” Twincer. But, we have seen her.
“That’s not the Spencer I know” said Toby in 718. Writers are foreshadowing.
Setting all this aside, I want to add my theory on the backstory and motive:
Twincer, who’s name is A_____ Drake, was born in Radley, as Dr. Cochran told us in 7A.
Twincer was raised in Radley - not because she needed to be at a psychological hospital, but as a form of daycare, because Mary was deemed an unfit mother, and also she kept Twincer a secret from Peter… he already hated her (to the point of planning her murder, later on) enough for having one baby together, imagine Peter’s reaction to having twins.
There, Twincer met and bonded with her sister Charlotte. Charlotte became Twincer’s only friend. (Twincer might even be Bethany, since we already know of this bond between Bethany and Charlotte, and how Bethany was drawing Charles being taken away by a monster. But for this theory, let’s just forget Bethany for a second.)
When Mona came to Radley and started telling Charlotte about everything she did to her sister, Charlotte and Twincer wanted to play. They wanted a turn at harassing Spencer and her friends.
For Charlotte, as we know, it was the feeling of finally succeeding at something in life that made the game her drug. For Twincer, it was something far darker.
Harassing Aria, Hanna, Emily and Alison is all about driving a wedge between the girls. Twincer wants to break up the girls. Turn them against each other. Hopefully by throwing fire at the girls, they will break up, ultimately, to ruin Spencer’s life. Again, jealousy. Twincer’s plan is backfiring because it’s exactly A’s threats that makes Spencer say “we need each other more than ever” and “always stick together”. The writers keep making the point of SPENCER being the one to make the comments about “always” sticking together. Twincer cannot break Spencer and her bitches. This is fueling Twincer’s anger. Nothing is working.
That’s why AD/Twincer recently shot Spencer. “If I can’t break the girls up to ruin Spencer’s life, why not just become Spencer?” Twincer shot Spencer in an attempt to assume her identity and squeeze her way into the loving friendship group that she could never crack. “These girls are so loyal to each other… they don’t even break up after even my threats. Damn, I want to be a part of this. It’s my turn to live a happy life. You had your turn Spencer.”
Note: I do not believe that AD has been operating since season 1. Mona’s time as A is completely independent from Charlotte and Twincer’s story. Mona started the game, and now someone is ending it, and she wants to know who. Charlotte and Twincer are their own duo; their own A-team, which stemmed as a result of Mona coming to Radley. Charlotte revealed herself - next up in the A team is Twincer, who is carrying on the game she once played with her sister.
In stream the other day, we started talking about an Avengers Mall AU, and now I can’t stop thinking about it, because I have so many years of bad retail stories built up in my head and non-powered AUs usually don’t work for me, but the longer I think about it, the funnier this gets.
Steve and Sam are two guys who retired from their military branches and teamed up to run an artesian bespoke candy shop. Steve has no idea half of their sales comes from the fact that Sam put the candy pulling hook in the front window and teenage girls just stand there, drooling. Sam is totally aware of this, and uses it to ALL his advantage when he’s doing the sugar work.
Bucky took a part time job at the Hot Topic across the way because hell, he was spending all his time hanging out with Sam and Steve, might as well get paid. He was the only reliable employee over the age of seventeen; he is now the manager and he’s FURIOUS about it. His staff is made up of Nico, Kamala and Sam Alexander and various people who get hired and then don’t make it through the training because Bucky glaring at you while you take register training is just SO HARD TO HANDLE. No one is sure if he’s after Sam or Steve or both.
The SHIELD crew runs a pretty decent mall restaurant, but yeah, used to be a Golden Corral and Fury reserves the right to yell “Do you see a buffet here?” at anyone dumb enough to think it still is. He doesn’t actually do it, because most of the people who are confused enough to ask are retirees who remind him of his grandma, but still. He reserves the right. Nat is a truly terrifying line cook, Maria’s front of house, and Phil’s the head waiter. Clint doesn’t actually work there, but he’ll put on an apron and belt out an impressive rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ in exchange for free food, and no one else on staff wants to do it, so he eats there A LOT.
Clint is always in the mall. In the back corridors. Hanging out in the food court. Wandering up and down the anchor store escalators. Everyone thinks he works somewhere else. No one knows where he actually works. There is a betting pool. It has been building for YEARS.
Jan runs the sort of high end boutique that has like, four outfits in two sizes on six gigantic racks. There are no prices. You do not ask how much it is. You know if you can afford it. If she likes you, you can afford it.
Thor runs the hardware store. No one knows why the hardware store is there. This is not the sort of place one would see a hardware store. Thor says he inherited it from his father, and it was there before the mall, and no one really wants to look into it. Mostly, they seem to get by on selling knives.. Big knives. Little knives. Knives as long as your arm. They get by on selling knives, because who’s buying screws at this place? Oh, right, anyone Sif TELLS to buy screws. "You need screws.“ "Oh, no, I-” "You can always use more screws.“ "Y-yes, ma'am.” She might be domming half of their customers without knowing it. The Warriors Three run the stock room. Badly.
Bruce runs the used bookstore down on the lower level where he can’t really afford the rent but the mall management like saying there’s a bookstore, and no one else is going to rent that hole, so he gets to stay, hiding in his piles and piles and piles of used books. Mostly science and history, but he does a brisk business in romance novels and murder mystery paperbacks. He likes it down there. He wishes people would stop trying to get him to come upstairs to socialize. He also kind of wishes people would stop coming down TO socialize. His cousin Jennifer runs the register and helps the customers most days, she’s very quiet and very mild mannered and wears very lumpy clothes and giant eighties style glasses, so no one recognizes her when she goes to her second job, as a crossfit instructor for the gym on the top floor. Jenn is, as they say, RIPPED. Put her in a leotard and her whole personality changes, it’s like she’s a different person.
Carol is a recovering alcoholic ex-pilot who runs the bar at the ‘bad’ chain restaurant down on the far end of the ground floor. Other than the SHIELD place or the food court, it’s the only place to eat in the mall, and honestly, you’d be better off in the food court. The food is trash, but she can mix a mean mojito and she knows every secret of every worker in the place, and she’s paid double on Saturdays because she’s her own bouncer.
Jessica Drew runs the arcade on the main floor, one of those stupid ones with 'glow mini-golf’ and games that constantly spit out tickets, you know, legalized gambling for children. It’s a chain, but the give out far too many prizes and she and her staff (Peter, Miles, Anya) would be fired if they also weren’t the highest grossing location on the eastern seaboard. They throw the best birthday parties in the state, and have a waiting list that’s like, months long.
Wanda’s shop sells… Something. No one knows what any of this stuff does. Or if it’s legal to own. But when you find something you want, OH GOD YOU REALLY WANT IT. She mostly sits and reads, and drinks tea from Hank McCoy’s tea shop.
Stephen Strange quit his job as a surgeon and retired to run a magic and joke shop. If you ask him why, he just shrugs and said he made some very bad choices. A relative somewhere oversea, Asia, Clint says it was somewhere in Asia, died and left him some sort of inheritance. So now he just sells fake rubber vomit and teaches slight of hand. Buy him a drink, and learn more than you wanted to know about card tricks. Walk into his shop, and be prepared to sit through at LEAST four card tricks before you can escape.
Greer run’s “Tigra’s Treasure Trove” on the second floor, it’s the anime and manga and gaming and comic shop. She wears cat ears and a tail. Every day. No one’s sure if she does it to bring in the otaku, or if it’s a lifestyle choice. No one wants to ask.
Tony owns the mall. Owns like a hundred malls across the country. No one knows, Obie does the day to day running of the management company, but Tony owns them. He’s mostly in it for the buying and selling, but he likes this mall. This one. He likes it here.
He has a Sharper Image type store on the top floor. It’s him and Rhodey and Pepper and Pepper will kill them both one of these days but he sells the sort of stuff you do not need but God you want it. You walk into his store and it’s all apple store chic, white and chrome and gleaming surfaces, collapseable tablets and robots and holographic projectors and all the geek chic that you want and everyone in the mall wants something from him, they’ve all got something on layaway (he only does layaway for other retail workers because he doesn’t want to keep track of this stuff) except Steve and it makes him insane. He spends far too much time trying to figure out what he can stock or create or build that will get Steve into his shop.
Pepper calls them “Steve-Grabbers,” Like 'grandma grabbers’ but designed to attract the most sincere hipster she’s ever met and she’d kill Tony over adding this stuff to stock without telling her, but it all sells. It all sells. In his desperate attempt to attract Steve, Tony misses and attracts EVERYONE ELSE.
It is well established among all sentient species that Humans are Weird. Exceptional Humans, however, make the regular humans seem almost tame in comparison. Yatrov was to show the newest crew member- another Human- “the ropes”, as Human Jenny phrased it. Upon arriving, however, the newest Human barely spared xir even a glance, which was odd, seeing how Humans prize interaction above all else. Shrugging it off, xe delicately held out a clawed hand to engage in the Human positive-meeting greeting, a “hand-shake” it was aptly named. “I am known as Yatrov, in Human Common tongue. I am sorry to say that I was unable to read your file report, and am thus left without your name. What is it you wish to be called?” Yatrov was genuinely sorry; the ship was in dire need of repairs, and this Human was coming to help. Instead of taking the proffered hand, the human’s brown eyes stared into xi’s own violet. “I am Giovanni. And you are approximately 7 minutes late. I do not fault you for your tardiness, your job is a busy one, so your apologies are void. I do not need to see the entirety of this ship, I only require the engine room. Take me there and I will begin repairs immediately. Social niceties and other such meaningless things can be done at a later date, if done they must be at all.” Yatrov felt somewhat slighted; xe’s species did not greet with touch, but it was seen as an insult- a social misdemeanor- to deny the shaking of hands. Attributing it to the Human having been under circumstances that made him “cranky” and to the fact that the Human was excited to work- humans forgot norms when excited, xe had found- Yatrov continued to try to create a pack-bond with this Human, “I have heard many great things about you.” “Truly?” The Human considered this for a moment, head tilting, “I am merely faster than most, mentally. A marathoner or racer is not spoken of in as high-esteem as those with quick mental facilities are, are they?” The Human was speaking out loud, xe found this practice odd and ignored it. “What exactly have you heard?” The Human tapped their legs with their fingers, adopting a rhythm unknown to xir, and hummed. Arrogance or curiosity? “Admittedly, not much has been told. I know that you have several thesis papers, have repaired and improved upon numerous ships, and that you were good enough that our captain was surprised that you even bothered to consider joining our crew.” “Huh.” And that was that. Giovanni did not speak after that, made no effort to communicate. Giovanni did not try to obtain physical contact. Giovanni remained aloof with even Human crewmates long after he had joined. He also remained fidgety, seemingly unable to keep still, unless it was to engage in a staring contest with the resident cat- to keep the Humans from adopting a weird, deadly creature- or to continue his single-minded work with machinery. Three weeks after he had joined, the ship was attacked. Vernians boarded the ship, using their many appendages to apprehend multiple members of The Highlight- the ship- at once. No one knew where Giovanni was, and no one would have been surprised if he had left to save his own hide. Which was precisely why everyone, who were all bound and trying to negotiate with what was essentially pirates, was surprised when Giovanni came around the corner, a knocked out Vernian held under gun point. Guns pointed at him, Vernians shifted to attack him. “What you need to know: firstly, I have hacked into your language processors. All Vernae will sound like gibberish.” He paused, then grinned ferally. “Try”, he dared. “Kir-ah?!” They did, and did not seem pleased with the results. “Back! Restore!” the voices of Vernians screeched, their language translators on the fritz. “Secondly,” he paused, “I will shoot your friend if you do not release my own.” When an uproar of shouting started again, he blandly stated, “Blank point will be quite messy, won’t it?” He hummed, as though in thought, though his eyes trailed after every movement the Vernians made. A smaller one, likely emotionally closer to the Vernian Giovanni was holding captive, pounced. ZZZZZT-PA! The Vernian howled, two of its 11 “arms” gone. “My threat is not idle.” The room quieted, members of the Highlighter slowly being released. “Thirdly.” His lips pursed, his nose tilted, sneer deadly, “Run, and pray that I never see you again!” He shot a wall, and they scattered, leaving the crew of The Highlighter mostly unscathed. It was hours later, after the chaos was settled and the ship fixed up again, that Yatrov approached Giovanni. “Why did you save us?” Giovanni scrunched his thick eyebrows together, “Why ever would I not?” “You make no attempt to communicate with us.” Yatrov insisted, trying to discover the reason Giovanni would do something without some sort of gain. “Oh, that.” He dismissively waved his hand, his face again lax and bored. “I do not see the point in wasting words. I enjoy the presence of the crew, and- while I see no point in engaging in it- their idle chatter is amusing to listen to.” He raised an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?” “The crew operated under the belief that you disliked us.” Yatrov felt a small bit of shame; clearly, Yatrov had been wrong to assume that all Humans were so similar. “I-” He looked hurt, eyes filling with water- tears, they were called, and Yatrov knew that this was not a good sign. His lips twitched, his words near whispered, “Did you not consider me a friend? I thought we were.” He had begun nervously threading his fingers, humming lightly. “I thought you disliked me.” Yatrov’s admission only increased xir’s guilt, and the slight tremors of the Humans smaller body. “I made you and the others a new computer.” Giovanni’s eyes searched Yatrov’s one, and again found no solace. A computer did not equate to friendship. “I *made* you and the others a new computer.” The emphasis hit Yatrov. Why would one handmake something if the person receiving it did not matter to them. “I am sorry.” Yatrov paused, xe had seen it in a Human film once, maybe…? “Can we start over?” A small nod eased Yatrov’s mind and reaffirmed xir’s decision. “I am the one known as Yatrov, and I enjoy reading: fiction, typically.” Xe did not hold out his hand, but stared Giovanni right in the eye. The smirk on Giovanni’s face told xir that the actions- or lack there of- was not missed. “I am known as Giovanni.” He held out his hand, looking smug and slightly proud of remembering this, as their hands clasped, he said, “I enjoy sandwhiches, science, and conversations on how realistic or achievable a work of fiction can be. It will be a pleasure to work with you.”
Humans were odd, but exceptional Humans lived by a very different set of rules. Intelligence changed their perceptions. Yatrov knew, from personal experience, that they were still Human, still fantastic and horrifying, at their core. Yatrov put down the book xe was reading, looking up to watch Giovanni’s animated expressions as he ranted about machinery. Yes, truly, Humans are Weird.
(Please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes, my hand has been cramping up lately and it is hard to write at the moment. And I should not be writing sci-fi, because it is NOT my forte, but I had a plot-bunny and felt the need to attempt it. This is basically a shortened version of what I wanted to write, skipping over much of what I actually wanted to put down. Feel free to take the general idea and write something better XD )
Ok but imagine someone finds out that some journalist for a gossip website is writing an article on Kara and the DEO tries but they can’t get access to it and they’re all freaking out thinking it’s a Supergirl reveal and the article comes out titled ‘Who the hell is Kara Danvers?’ And it’s got a series of photos of her with Clark Kent and Lois Lane, her following after Cat Grant and interacting with Maxwell Lord. There are pictures from her college internship working at Wayne Enterprises - including candids of her eating lunch with the elusive Bruce Wayne himself. There’s a photo from years ago when she met Diana Prince while visiting Clark. A picture of her and Lena Luthor sitting close, leaning in to each other and whispering. There are excerpts of her quotes from supergirl, someone she seems to know personally.
At no point does the article mention her possibly being supergirl. It only talks about how this seemingly plain, average 20-something from a coastal small town is somehow connected to many of the most powerful and influential people from coast to coast. And thanks to the DEOs attempts to get the article before it’s published, there’s an editorial addition at the end that says after announcing plans to write on the reporter, their servers were attacked and nearly hacked in to in an attempt to stop its publication.
“So I ask you,” the article ends, “who exactly is this Kara Danvers?”
everyone needs more tony and babies in their life, right? have a fic. because tony canonically goes to hospitals and hugs babies who need it. (for mobile users, there’s a read-more after a few paragraphs)
Tony Stark isn’t
new to kids, not exactly.
He’s always tried
to visit paediatric wards when he had a moment, letting the kids play
with the armours and telling them stories. He helped Reed and Sue
with babysitting, and he remembers Val’s first attempts at building
microprocessors. He held a newborn Danielle Cage in his arms and he
marvelled at how tiny she was. He’s always glad to help his baby
Avengers with homework.
He likes kids. He
might never have his own, and he tells himself he’s made his peace
with that, but he likes kids and he likes spending time with them,
from babies and toddlers to I’m-not-a-kid-anymore
the moments he spends with kids never get any less special.
Trying to explain Clint Barton to my friends who don't know marvel (apart from the MCU) proving difficult. Especially because the MCU gave him a wife, kids, and an honest to god farm. Any recommendations on how to describe my favorite character? (So far all of my attempts either lead to rambling about ceiling vents and the circus or hysterical laughing because "successful long term relationship" and "Clint Barton" are in the same sentence. Unsurprisingly this just leads to more confusion.)
Well, the problem begins (as problems often do) with comics.
See, comics are a sort of ‘soap opera with capes and tights.’ Comics are ‘fanfic but written by mostly straight white guys who are chosen by other straight white guys.’ Comics are a never ending arms race of suffering, and that’s the problem.
So it’s hard to pin down a character. Because it’s not one character.
Every writer wants to make their mark. They want THEIR version of the character to be the one that people point to and say, “THIS. THIS is the quintessential Hawkeye. THIS is the reason I love Hawkeye.”
Because they’re not going to write the character forever. That’s comics. There’s always someone right behind them, nipping at their heels, someone who wants nothing more, in most cases, then to sweep their careful work aside and make THEIR mark on the character.
There’s not much you can do to stop that from happening. You can write a really good book, you can be clever and creative and still not hit the readership the right way. You can write A GOOD BOOK and you’ll still end up in the trash heap of the 25 cent bin, because the promotion team or the movie schedule or the competitor’s event cycle screwed you over.
It’s much easier to make a lot of noise. To be remembered, rather than beloved. To get people tweeting and talking and protesting and fighting, because that means when you tossed off this book, there’ll be another one waiting for you.
Don’t believe me? I mean, someone keeps giving Nick Spencer new books. (shrug)
So there is no one Hawkeye. The Hawkeye of the early West Coast Avengers has little in common with the Hawkeye of Fraction and Aja’s solo book run. The Hawkeye of the most recent Secret Avengers by Ales Kot would be unrecognizable to the Hawkeye of the Ultimates verse. Movieverse Hawkeye is almost a mirror image of Hawkeye of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.
When you love a character, the question is, which one? Because even if you take fandom interpretation and fanon out of the equation, there’s a lot of them to choose from. And while canon feeds fanon, fanon bleeds back into canon.
Describing the character you love takes some effort, some cherrypicking.
For me, it’s this:
On the surface, he’s ordinary. And his awareness of his ordinariness is part of what makes him so extraordinary. He’s raised himself to his current position by sheer force of will and a refusal to stop. He’s bullheaded and snarky and has a chip on his shoulder the size of the island of Manhattan. He’s not as stupid as he thinks he is, and he’s not as good as he believes he is, and both of those facts are a little heartbreaking.
He’s a man who destroyed his own hearing, because he knew if he didn’t, he was going to hurt someone he loved. He’s also a man who entered canon trying to rob Tony Stark, which was universally regarded as a very bad idea, since that’s how a lot of people end up dead.
He’s not a god or a genius or a super soldier.
He is a man who looked at the end of the world, and said, fuck you, I’ve got a COUPLE OF STICKS AND A PIECE OF STRING and I’m still going to KICK YOUR ASS. There is something comforting about that, for most people.
We want to believe, after all, that if push came to shove, if things got bad, then we would stand up. With all the risk, and all the fear, and a very good chance that we would not win, we want to believe, that we would still stand.
So all the other stuff, the ragged ends and the bad choices, the stupid plots and the OOC moments, the embarrassing contradictions in canon and the writers who can’t figure him out or don’t want to bother trying, it melts down to one truth at the core of his character, every time.
He is a man that doesn’t feel too different from you or me. And he stands. He makes bad choices, he screws people over, he ruins relationships and cheats on partners and girlfriends, he does stupid, stupid things, because this is a soap opera, and half the writers don’t remember what the last one did and the other half don’t care.
For all the parts of him I don’t like, he’s still my favorite. Because he shouldn’t be there. He has no place there. He’s outgunned and outflanked. Everyone around him is smarter than him, better trained than him, better equipped than him.
A while back, during book 3, I came up with a theory, but since it was still pretty early into the Freshman/Sophomore series, it just looked like a coincidence I think not, but now that we’ve got 5 books, I’m starting to notice a pattern, and I can’t be the only one.
On the cover of book 1, we have Chris and MC. On the cover of book 2, we have MC by herself. On the cover of book 3, we have Kaitlyn and MC. Book 4 doesn’t matter right now cuz it was just an interlude. On the cover of book 5, we have Zig and MC.
I don’t think anyone has forgotten the cringeworthy “dispute” between Chris, Becca and our MC. Putting everything aside, we all know Chris is the one MC had the most trouble with in book 1.
Initially, I thought James was on the cover of book 2, why? idk, may have had something to do with that Christmas special. And since I thought it was James on the cover of book 2, I also thought James was the one MC had the most trouble with. My MC was dating James so therefor his storyline was more present and interesting to me lmao. But I still clearly remember MC getting blamed by Kaitlyn for outing herself. Tbh I don’t quite remember why Chris and MC were fighting but it happened.
I’m sure we can all still remember the fights with Kaitlyn and her band in book 3. Like I don’t even need to explain this one, do I?
Like I mentioned above, book 4 doesn’t really matter, as it was just an interlude.
Now, book 5, there Zig and MC. Every time a LI was featured on the cover, MC’s relationship/friendship was tested to the point of breaking and to the point of me hating them but I digress. Taking everything said above into consideration, I fear for whatever is coming for Zig and MC.
I really like the “Humans are space orcs; Earth is space Australia” idea, let’s try this out.
Crewmates: A Guide To Housing the Main Species by Dr. Troa’Gaa was the name of the book Captain Kii’o grabbed out of the main deck’s bookshelf. He wanted to make sure to properly house the new Human that recently became member of the ship. Captain Kii’o sat beside his co-captain, Maefaa.
“Are you sure having a human aboard is a good idea, Maefaa?” Said the captain.”
“Are you kidding?” Maefaa said. “I’ve heard humans are one of the greatest advantages a captain would want!”
Kii’o didn’t really believe that, but hey. If Maefaa said so, he was inclined to believe it just a tad bit more.
“Alright.” Kii’o said, opening the book and going to the Human section.
“If you are new to housing humans,” Kii’o began reading the book out loud, “be sure to read this guide thoroughly. Humans are unpredictable, so forget everything about the other main species.”
“One of the human’s most surprising abilities”, Kii’o continued, “are their stubbornness. Of course, a race that originated in a Class-B8 Death Planet could only be as stubborn as they come.”
“Class-B8? That’s a little ridiculous. Class-B8s have volcanoes and tornadoes and just about every other weather that wants to kill you.” Maefaa interrupted.
“If a human appears to be superficially hurt, it is not something to worry about. Humans can heal cuts and even broken bones in a matter of weeks. Please, spare your medkits, as they usually are not needed, assuming no crew battle above rank 2 took place.
If you want to keep humans healthy and thriving, be sure to get at least one ‘pet’, as humans call them. If no ‘pet’ is provided, the human may attempt to bond and/or pet just about any living creature not marked as toxic. ‘Pets’ can be found in any ‘pet shop’, as the human civilisation calls them. If no pets can be found in the human’s pod, the human will most likely try to bond with inanimate objects, and try to pet dangerous animals.”
“Yeah, humans try to pet everything. One time, a human tried to pet the Konoios in sector 4, haha.” Maefaa said.
“What happened then?”
“The Konoio didn’t attack. That’s it. They just… stared at each other.”
“Are you sure humans aren’t psychic? Konioios are really aggressive, most of the time.”
“Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first too.”
“Did the Konoio run away?”
“No, it ended up becoming the human’s pet. Now everyone’s afraid of going into the human’s pod, haha.”
(Did you like it? Let me know, and I’ll keep writing!)
*internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
*at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
*staring deeply into the ocean*
Ahoy! What're you doing?
Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
What are you even talking about?
I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
*at the mall*
*internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
*the normal girl and her best friend squee*
*externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
Did I just say that out loud!?
*sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
Have you murdered somebody?
Do you need a girlfriend?
No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
*internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
You do talk to fish.
I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
*at the shore*
Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
Simmer down, aqualad!
Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
Does it involve you talking to fish?
Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
*the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
*falls over limp*
Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
*lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
*strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
*runs into the ocean*
*kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
*walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
*yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
*back at the shore*
*a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
*looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
*kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
*spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.