Hi hello my lovelies, i hope you’re all hanging in there with all this holo tour madness 💕
i know i’ve been quite absent lately, and i’m sorry for that. i miss being around and i miss chatting with you all. my life should be winding down a bit over the next month, but i’ve got to get through the next month first….
over the next month i’ll be in hotel beds more than my own, traipsing the whole east coast basically. i’m heading to orlando, philly, detroit, cleveland, back to detroit…lmao so. it’s a mix of business and pleasure, with my harry concert roped into that travel as well. i’m really fun and active on snapchat while traveling, so if you wanna be snap friends, message/ask me off anon 💕
so why am i telling you this? well….i’m probably going to be even more absent than usual ☹️ i’ve got my queue set and some pretty good post set up for you all. also! my absence as of lately hasn’t been for nothing because i’ve been working on some writing for you all. october is going to be the month of updates, really, with This Only Looks Like Love coming back, my lengthy oneshot a part of the TROPETASTIC! fic challenge on @allficcedup coming out, and the ever requested threesome piece finally posting.
i’m still in the process of editing and tightening up a few key scenes, so i don’t have dates for these posting yet but they definitely will all be out in october. i hope you’re excited! it certainly wasn’t my intention to go this long without posting anything, but work proved to be more than i could handle at times.
but it’s almost over! and i’d love, love, love to start chatting with you all more, having more harry nights, basically get this blog active again.
one more month! and, funnily enough, the day i’m finally home for a few weeks will be my tumblr birthday! october 22nd, mark it on your calendars! i definitely want to do something special (maybe a follow forever? a harry night? request night?) but i’m not sure what yet, so if you have any ideas on a good way to celebrate one year of the mess that is this blog, please let me know!
so this is goodbye for now my loves 💕 i’ll probably end up drunk on showsite like i usually do and pop by for a night of incoherent harry talk lmao so keep me company yeah? don’t let my inbox get lonely while i’m away–i often check my inbox before i have time to respond, and you all always make me smile 🤗
LOOK HERE MISS PEARL!! If I’m being technical, that steamy Junghope idea we hashed out yesterday probably wouldn’t be considered a poly fic, just a….*wheezes*…..really good idea that olds would fucking love to cut their teeth on.
!!! I realized I never posted this here ;;o;; These were taken back in March (when I was in Manila) :D I was like – who wants to hang out at the mall or something lol ♥ Then these super nice MM fans dropped by and gave me all these prints and gifts and food and kjahkjsa i was so surprised hhuhu so precious ;;o;; LOOK AT IT EVERYTHING IS SO GORGEOUS ((im so lame i only doodled a crack 707 in their notebook kjdshfs))
I brought all the prints and stuff with me here to NY and I’m gonna take proper photos when I’m done with my room (along with other MM stuff a few people have sent me as well! You know who you are heehe) :D Thank you so much hhh
So there’s one bit near the end of the Genocide Run that hit me pretty hard, personally. And as with most things that hit me very hard emotionally, it was a random almost throwaway line that wasn’t written to be focused on that much. But whether it intentionally held the meaning I took from it or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I DID take meaning from it.
When Flowey is monologuing near the very very end of the game and explaining what he went through, he talks about how he lacks the ability to feel anything for the people around him, and how desperately, frantically, he wishes he did. He talks about how, at first, he tried to help people. He talks about how at first it seemed to help, but every time it was time to let go, to move on, he got scared and couldn’t do it. He’d panic and reset instead. And how then he’d be right back where he started. And he would try helping everyone again.
But it became hollow. Everyone always said the exact same things, and did the exact same things. And nothing changed. And nothing new ever happened.
And eventually, just out of sheer desperation for SOMETHING new, he decided to kill everyone. And how that was at first a relief, but even that grew stale and empty as he did it over and over again. Until he was left with nothing, and there was nothing to care about, either for better or worse, but he couldn’t let go either. So he was trapped in this world where nothing ever changed, and he couldn’t make himself leave.
It’s a sad story, but it’s also a bit of a gut punch because of its implications.
Maybe in time, the person playing the game, the actual human being behind the keyboard, not the pixel character they control, would find themselves in the exact same situation. Eventually, things in a game stop changing. Characters always say the same things, do the same things. And maybe in time, as boredom takes over, the player would also try a genocide game just for SOMETHING new. But eventually even that will become empty and lead to nowhere after you do it enough.
I can’t really say if that’s true or not. I can’t say it’s false either.
But It’s 2 years now. And a lot of us are still here. And more importantly a lot of us still care. Quite deeply in fact.
And maybe we won’t care forever, maybe the same thing will happen, or more likely, we’d be the ones able to let go and move on to other things and let go. Maybe there’s no escaping that.
But it’s been 2 years, and at least for now, we’re still here.
There is also the possibility I’ve considered, that since the insane success of the game was never expected or anticipated at all, that the level of love it caused in gamers was a complete and utter surprise, maybe their ability to never fall into that cycle of apathy and just how long they can keep going, caring as hard as ever, will also be a complete surprise that was never foreseen.
Or even more simply, maybe Flowey just needed to be shown, as with so many things, he was wrong about that too.
Who knows. Honestly I can’t say how things will look in time. It could either way.