i don't have the emotional stability to

9

a collection of motivational things Jon says for your general pleasure

I had to drop out of highschool before eleventh grade just to retain what little mental and emotional stability i had left at the time and people have the gumption to tell me that that time would have been the best four years of my life. That the school i went to was “a good school.”

I’m still getting panic attacks because of the people there (some of them have dual enrolled) and it’s been two years since i actually had to take classes with any of them. I can’t go to certain restaurants without hiding my face so they can’t see me. I’m still a mess because of that entire system.

Don’t you dare tell me that i should have waited it out okay i am a l i v e because i dropped out. I am alive and getting help that i chose for myself instead of dead because of that environment. I was able to get a GED and get into higher education before 18. But I’m still messed up and will be for a long time because highschool was an actual, literal traumatizing experience for me.

Nothing like a poetry workshop to get that good old feeling of being punched in the stomach that makes you want to curl up and cry(!) but not today *guitar riff) today I’m gonna sulk for like ten minutes, walk my dogs and then destroy that poem and see if I can fix it. THEN I will curl up and cry!

this isn’t gonna be a good day, two hours in and I’m already boiling over with anxiety over a dozen different things