Hi mom... I know you're dealing with your own stuff rn but I just need someone to talk to I hope you don't mind... I literally hate myself because I'm a lesbian. I tried so damn hard to be straight because that's what my parents expect me to be and they've already made their negative opinion on people like me very clear.. it's destroy our relationship if they found out and I'm close to them... why couldn't I just be what they wanted me to be....
Trigger warning for slurs, I said some in this so if those mess with your pretty little heads, don’t read !!!!
Honey, I get what it’s like to have internalized lesbophobia, and it doesn’t help when everyone around you hates them too. Lemme just say, you aren’t what your parents think of you and you aren’t any of the negative stereotypes.
I forced myself to date and try to like guys just to ID has bi so I could possibly fall for a guy so my parents wouldn’t be as mad. It didn’t work. And when I came out to my grandparents you know what they said? That it wasn’t healthy that I did that, that it isn’t healthy to try and change yourself like that and make yourself miserable.
It can be really hard to get through internalized lesbophobia, especially when so many people either hate lesbians or sexualize them, but let me just tell you
1. You aren’t just some sexy lesbian made for guys to touch themselves to. You’re amazing. You’re not a porn category.
2. It’s also okay if you’re asexual and a lesbian, lesbians are so over sexualized it makes you think that you need to have sex or else you aren’t a lesbian, which isn’t true, you can be ace and a lesbian.
3. You aren’t any of the gross names people call you whether it be a dyke or them just attacking your appearance or them describing butch and femme in gross ways. Butch lesbians aren’t anything like men, they’re lovely and amazing, and totally valid. (Some people act like they aren’t lesbian enough or that they’re just trying to be a man, which isn’t true ???)
Femme lesbians aren’t “too pretty” to be real lesbians either. They’re just as valid and just as pretty as any butch lesbian.
Now let me explain some other stuff, like ways to overcome lesbophobia
1. Watching WLW movies with healthy rep, not them ending up with a guy and all those toxic not really lesbian stereotypes.
2. Reading WLW books.
3. Following lesbian blogs. Not only wlw but also lesbian. (Watch out for terfs!!! They lurk in the shadows and they enforce very toxic ideas.)
4. Try and make lesbian friends.
5. Slowly try to develop wlw ships even if they aren’t canon. (But if you want canon there’s the moms on The Foster’s and Brittney and Santana on Glee.)
Now lemme give you a few reminders to finish this off
1. You aren’t the stereotypes. You’re butch? Be butch. You love plaid? Wear it. You want short hair? Cut it.
2. It’s okay to dislike men, you arent becoming a man hating lesbian.
3. You don’t need to fix yourself. It’s okay to be strictly attracted to girls, it’s okay to be a lesbian.
4. It’s okay to not be comfortable with using the word lesbian. Growing up if was treated like a horrible word, being compared to sluts and skanks and tons of other “horrible” women, so I get it if you can’t really say it yet. It’s okay to ID as gay, I use both because gay is easier to say, literally, like lesbian can be a mouth full, but you also could ID as wlw and sapphic until you’re okay with lesbian.