i don't even want to be here anymore

Sharing this so people know that after I blocked this person, they insist in bothering @luluvonv because she publicly supported me and replied to their bullshit.

You want some food for thought? Here’s some food for thought. Let’s see if you dare to read all that because it replies to your crap point by point. Not that I care actually if you read it or not, but I find funny you insist in telling us something we know better than you - and here’s the proof. 

I told you, you’re wasting your time here. You really need to find something better to do than harassing me, my sister and my friends and followers just because we don’t like what you like.

I don’t mean to make you worry.
I’m just searching for something to feel.
And if that means lacing my blood and
My mind with toxicity,
And wandering the roads till 5 am,
Or kissing strangers and trusting anyone.
Well that’s on me then.
Maybe there’s a better way, a safer way.
But here’s the thing-
I don’t care enough to find it anymore.
—  Mish. (Harmfulthinking)

Don’t give up. Just don’t give up. I’m an optimist yes, even if they aren’t 1st place this time around, I would want them to be top 3, rather than giving up and see them drop off the charts.  It’s too early. Don’t give up yet. Don’t let the boys feel they aren’t loved anymore now. Don’t make all those negative things every one said about BAP come true. If you give up then you are making them come true. Don’t give up Babyz.  We are still alive. We are still here and we will fight our way to the top again. Just don’t give up.

Douchewolf and Dumbass Meet Again

Pt. 1 of my little ficlet fiasco I creatively named “I Wanted Nice Things So I Gave Them To Myself” so here is a Sterek Reunion that I’ve been thinking about since we found out Stiles was going to the FBI 

(Also for @halesstiles bc Savannah is basically like the only reason that I even write anymore and she deserves a thank you and some more damn recognition) 


– 


u sure ur cool with me living with you??

Well I figure you’re already here and so am I we can move you in today

I’ll be there in 5 don’t ditch me pls

Don’t worry, I’m already here and bought coffee if I wanted to leave now I’d be leaving my latte behind and you don’t annoy me enough to give it up

Stiles rolled his eyes at his phone. Nice to know some things in this fucked up life stayed consistent. He pulled the door to the donut shop/cafe/embarrassingly hipster place open and walked up to the counter.

The person with the buzzcut who was standing behind the ages-old register had just asked him what he wanted, when a pair of hands covered his eyes and voice that was not his answered them.

“A medium americano with three packets of sugar and no cream.”

Stiles crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m an adult, I can order my own coffee.” He pouted, knowing that not only would he not get to order it, but he wouldn’t get to pay for it either. “But I am about to be going into a very rigorous training setup so I’m poor enough to let you buy it for me.”

The hands moved from his eyes so that Derek could step up to the counter to hand the employee his credit card. He looked good. Derek did. An easy look rested on his face and his beard was a little thick and his shirt was tight on his chest and his arms pushed against his cardigan sleeves and Stiles had missed him so much.

Derek turned to him when he pushed his wallet back into his pocket. “Hey.”

Stiles smiled back at him. “Hey, douchewolf.”

The smile may have dropped off Derek’s face and he may have grabbed Stiles in a headlock and furiously tickled Stiles’ side, but it was good. Everything was… good.

“Medium Americano.” the person looked like they were hiding a smile when they held the cup out to Stiles.

Derek snatched it from them before Stiles could even get close enough to the counter with a smile that made Stiles’ heart stop. “Thanks.” he pushed three dollars into the tip jar and threw his arm around Stiles’ neck to steer him out of the shop. It seemed a little couple-y but Stiles realized he was okay with that. They had missed out on a few too many chances with each other, he wasn’t losing this one. His arm came around Derek’s back, comfortably.

“What, dumbass?” Derek prompted, a forced frown on his face that barely covered a smile.

Stiles shook his head, he hadn’t known he’d been staring until then. He took a swig of his coffee before answering. “I actually almost forgot what your real smile looked like because you hadn’t used it in so long. You should smile more often. You have such a nice one.”

The other laughed, looking a little shy, and squeezed the back of Stiles’ neck. “Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it. It’s kind of a weird feeling. But it’s not bad. I don’t know.” he shrugged like he was embarrassed and Stiles couldn’t help himself.  

Not caring if there was anyone else saw, Stiles jumped at him. A slight chuckle was knocked out of Derek’s chest as Stiles tugged him even closer. Derek didn’t seem to care, he only held his thick arms around Stiles’ waist. He thought he might have been choking Derek a little but he only squeezed harder, squishing their faces together and rubbing his cheek against Derek’s beard.

“I missed you, cuddlewolf.” Stiles said quietly, knowing Derek would hear. Without warning, he jumped up and wrapped his legs around him. It was nice to be able to do this. Touch him, feel him, smell him, know that Derek was there and happy and safe. “I missed you so much.”

“Sadly I can’t say the same.” Derek teased, one arm going under Stiles’ butt to hoist him up higher.

Stiles smiled and tried to tell himself his eyes weren’t wet with happiness. “Still an asshole.”

“The only one that can keep up with you.” He muttered, pressing his smile against the side of Stiles’ head. “I can’t believe you’re here.” it was a whisper, and it was enough to make Stiles let out the tears he was trying so hard to keep in.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

He was quiet for a minute. A sigh escaped his lips. “You’re living in my apartment, it’s not going to be easy this time.” 

Stiles smacked the back of his head. “Bitch, I’ll hide in your moving boxes if that’s what it takes.” 

Derek flicked his temple. “I expect nothing less, dipshit.” 

I used to wear mascara everyday.

I’d put it on in the morning and I’d curl my lashes because it was just a little something extra to start the day and I felt pretty wearing it, even if no one could really see it.


But I can’t wear it anymore.

There are too many times where the tears will come on suddenly, uncontrollable and never-ending and suddenly, the mascara doesn’t make me feel pretty like it used to. The black ink starts to run down my cheeks even though they’re supposed to stay on my lashes and I’ll look in the mirror and stare myself down but I’ll wince at the sight that greets me, because the mascara that used to be so discreet is now so glaringly obvious on the color of my reddened cheeks.


Now the mascara doesn’t make me feel pretty. It only reminds me of how useless I am as I stare myself in the mirror and and sob, because the tears never seem to end and I can’t control it, not the tears, not the hiccups, not the pain. And the mascara only seems to magnify the fact.


So now I don’t wear mascara, simple as that. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see black tears that leave ink on my skin. Now, it’s easy to wipe things away and pretend like they never happened in the first place. Without the mascara, it’s easier to hide how I really feel.

—  An excerpt from my life
An Early Riser

Jason wipes the sleep from his eyes, clenching the muscles in his legs and rolling his shoulders forward in a stretch. He’d given himself the luxury of sleeping in until a whopping eight thirty and enjoyed waking up to the bright light pouring into his room. Normally he’s up with the sun, slipping in a morning workout before heading off to his office at the historical preservation department. Saturdays are his rest days though, which means a bit more sleep and a lazy start to the day.

He makes for the door, the hems of his pajama bottoms dragging over the carpet. The knob turns easily in his hand, a small squeak coming from the hinges. The apartment should be vacant, Annabeth should either be out on a run or curled against her boyfriend who sleeps like the dead. Instead, there’s a figure in the kitchen across the room from him. Jason’s eyes trail up the long dark legs, muscles shifting under taught skin as they lift their owner a little higher onto small plump toes. His eyes drift upward, gliding over ankles, calves, thighs, and come to a stop at the soft purple running shorts that cling to the cutest ass he’s seen, Piper’s ass. He should feel shame that he knows exactly who’s ass that is, embarrassment that he’s staring at it so attentively. That’s not what he feels though. No, instead Jason feels a tightening in his pajama bottoms as the erection that he’d woken up with comes to full attention. That’s when the shame starts creeping in.

He’s out in the open, his thin cotton pants doing nothing to hide how awake all of him has become. Jason hurries forward, eyes still occasionally drifting over to Piper, taking in the dimples of her lower back as her crop top lifts higher. When he’s a few feet away he clears his throat, letting her know he’s there but not giving her enough time to turn and see the bulge in his pants.

Piper jumps a little, the muscles in her shoulders tensing for a second as she spins. The tension melts away and a small smile plays at her lips.

“Hey,” she says, turning back to the cupboard she was rummaging through.

“Morning,” Jason mumbles to the counter.

Keep reading

I kinda hate tumblr

Okay so here’s a thing. I kinda hate tumblr. I really do. For an awful lot of reasons but this is going to be long enough so here are only a few of them:

1. Y’all are always preaching about how everyone should feel comfortable in their own skin no matter who they want to be and what they want to look like. Except you feel superior because your eyebrows or your hair or your winged eyeliner are on point. There are so many you vs me posts that put others down for the clothes they wear or the accuracy of their make up. Know what you are? Hypocrites

2. I’m all for equaltiy and I think it is great that important matters such as racism and sexism etc are discussed and taken seriously on such a platform. However, it seems to me that unless you are a part of a minority group or underprivileged, you are not allowed an opinon. Like, I get that those who are affected most by those things have to speak up and need to be respected and listened to. But that doesn’t mean that someone who does not have to face these problems can’t have something important to say about it. Tumblr doesn’t value your opinion unless you are a  poc or belong to the lgbtq+ community.

3. Can fandoms just get along? Why do people get hate for a bunch of tv shows they love? I mean it is pretty obvious which ones I’m talking about (*cough* superwholock *cough*). You cannot openly admit to be a fan of those three shows without getting hate for it. Which is stupid. Yeah, there are people in this fandom that are utter douchebags. But you will find douchebags in every single fandom. Don’t make assumptions on someone’s personality based on the tv shows they enjoy. It keeps people from enjoying their fandoms.

4. Problematic. I don’t know if it’s a meme or a trend that i missed or simply didn’t get but it pisses me off so much. There are so many posts that go something like ‘when your friend won’t realise their fav is problematic…’ Like I dunno, do you get that your fav is problematic? Do you get that you’re problematic? Cause we are all human beings and we are all problematic in one way or another. There’s no way any of us go through life without ever voicing an offensive opinion. And just because a celebrity once said something problematic doesn’t make them ‘human trash’, as many like to lable them. 

(same goes for tv shows btw. I know some are very popular to hate and be called out but honeslty, pretty much everyshow lacks representation in some aspect but that doesn’t mean that the writers are ‘problematic’ or racist douchebags)

5. Tumblr made me a way angrier person. I get offended so easily because if there’s a funny situation or a joke or anything I would usually laugh about, thanks to this lovely website I can think of a hundred reasons why pretty much anything could be offensive or problematic, even if they are so freakin far fetched that noone would assume it is offensive at all.


I could probably go on forever. I mean, yeah, there are hilarious textposts and gifs and great fandoms on here. And I love that bit. But then there’s this other side that makes me want to visit tumblr less and less. Maybe that’s just me but it’s kind of taking the fun out of tumblr.

‘I don’t know’ is literally my response to everything lately. And it’s true. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know what I need, what I want to achieve. What am I even doing? What am I trying for? Why do I feel so happy at one point and fall to pieces the next. Why do I hate you in the morning and miss you by night. I wish you were here, I wish I’d never see your face again. I feel love and hate at the same time. I feel pain and plessure in the same moment and can't distinguish the two from eachother anymore. I wish you would just talk to me. Stop making it so hard for yourself. Get some things out. Ask questions, yell at me, I don’t know even hit me in the face. Any kind of interaction would be good. My mind is so clear now and I can see things from a better point of view now. It all looks so surreal. Who was I even back than? I can’t believe I let it go that far. But shame and regret won’t get me anywhere. I try to be better. I want to be better. It’s just sad that I lost you along the way.
—  Skyline - Midnight thoughts

I’ll never understand why so many people nowadays feel the need to post so much personal crap all over Facebook, Twitter, etc . . Like venting here and there is okay but when I all see over my social media lately is people ranting about politics, telling the world what they eat for every meal, that they vomited this morning , sharing stupid and sometimes false news stories because “they’re trending” , etc . . I’m always dumbfounded by the stupidity of what people decide to make public . . Not only that but it’s extremely dangerous if someone decided they wanted to steal your identity cause you post your personal info publicly everywhere *facepalm* yeah, this is why I’m using Tumblr again more.

lowkey i kind of wanted to continue nick hoult as r’s main fc cuz people recognize him from the movie and i feel like that would draw more people in but at the same time perry’s completely novel based so why the heck shouldn’t r be??

  • my sister, in reference to my cat perching tense and fluffed on the table while her dog stares her down: see? they’re co-existing just fine. i don't know why you're so worried.
  • me: but my cat is terrified. this isn't normal behavior for her. we don't even encourage her to be on the table because she might get into our food.
  • my sister: a little bit of fear is good for her. she should have a healthy respect of the dog. and it's not like a few hours of stress are going to kill her.
  • me, internally: this explains so much about you

anonymous asked:

What do you mean by saying you don't want "Not like the other Pearls" in the show? I really like your meta but I didn't really understand that part.

Judging by the time stamp, you’re talking about this post.

It was a half-joking reference to the phrase “not like the other girls”. The implication that it’s unusual and amazing that you can do something or be proficient in something or have a certain personality trait despite the fact you’re a member of [minority] - which is the exact attitude Peridot currently has towards Pearl, btw, so she still has miles to go on that front (“I have to admit, it’s remarkable that a Pearl such as yourself could become such a knowledgeable technician.” - I mean yeah, it’s remarkable, but it’s remarkable because of how other Gems treat pearls, not due to pearls inherently lacking the potential or capacity or whatever).

Basically, I don’t like the idea that our special protagonist Pearl is superior to and better than meek, obedient “other pearls”, who suck, ew. I mean the “If pearls are really like you say they are, then Pearl isn’t common at all.” line still rubs me the wrong way a bit, as I’m intensely invested in that Pearl Solidarity, every pearl can do things if given the chance good stuff. And also, a bit more subtly and on an implied level, fighting and engineering skills don’t make you inherently superior to someone whose skillset focuses on something else - it’s the determination and constant work at acquiring those skills (whatever they may be) that sets someone apart, especially, as is the case with pearls in this particular universe, in the face of huge social barriers - that is the message I believe the “common vs. amazing” speech was supposed to convey, along with the at this point general SU theme of bettering yourself and constantly evolving and changing. The emphasis isn’t supposed to be “She trained herself to fight, she learned how to build things!”, but rather “She trained herself to fight, she learned how to build things!” and of course the conclusion “and she works hard every day to be greater than she already is”.

So the one thing I don’t want to see the show pull, particularly once we get to meet Homeworld pearls, is some sort of shallow she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts/she holds up the tail ends of Yellow Diamond’s cape, I BUILD SPACESHIPS AND FIGHT IN A GLORIOUS REVOLUTION IN THE NAME OF ROSE QUARTZ thing - and the creators have so far caused me to have considerable faith in them and their handling of often delicate matters, so I hope this continues here, as well.

I hope all this made a bit more sense now? I don’t know, it’s just something I feel strongly about, and I’m not sure I can properly convey.

i don’t have “t*rfs not welcome” on my blog anymore because it seems more performative for most people on here but absolutely t*rfs are not welcome. i don’t want to support them or their transphobia even by accidentally reblogging one tbh, and if i ever do, let me know and the post will be gone.

this post brought to you by the person i unfollowed and blocked after watching her reblog increasingly blatant t*rf posts and then whine when called on it.