i don't even know what to tag this as

story time: presidential edition
  • so you know how everyone has a story
  • you know
  • like the story
  • like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
  • and you know exactly what they mean
  • the story
  • well 
  • i have a story
  • and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
  • barack obama
  • pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
  • and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life 
  • so here we go
  • it all began eight years ago
  • (i was a gangly child then) 
  • and barack obama came to town
  • (when i was a young girl)
  • (my father took me out into the city)
  • (to see the president of the united states, obama) 
  • (barack obama)
  • except it wasn’t the city but where my parents worked 
  • and my mother was hired to take pictures of obama shaking the hands of others
  • (rich people)
  • (ceo’s) 
  • (people who didn’t wear reeboks to meet the president)
  • so i skipped school to see obama
  • (naturally) 
  • (but my teacher was a republican so it still counted as an absence) 
  • and the adventure begun
  • but as i soon learned
  • most of the adventure was waiting in a large room with my mother and some secret service men for roughly eight hours 
  • because there is no timing with obama
  • (barack obama)
  • no one can know when obama is supposed to be there
  • (barack obama)
  • there is no, like, obama warning system
  • (barack)
  • it’s just that one second he’s not there
  • and the next second
  • he’s there
  • (barack obama)
  • so it was eight hours
  • and i remember nothing from those eight hours except for when one of the secret service men tried to talk to me
  • ‘how are your studies,’ he said
  • how’s school, he probably meant
  • but i didn’t understand at the time
  • i was a gangly child
  • i was scared
  • he was tall
  • (i cried)
  • and then all of a sudden
  • (about eight hours into the eight hours)
  • he was there
  • (barack obama)
  • he was beauty 
  • he was grace
  • he was
  • (barack obama)
  • he walked into the room
  • he wasn’t wearing reeboks 
  • (i noticed)
  • (i began to feel i’d made a mistake)
  • my mother took pictures of him shaking the hands of others
  • (rich people)
  • (ceo’s)
  • (none of whom were wearing reeboks) 
  • and at the very end
  • obama began to leave 
  • (barack obama)
  • i was happy enough to have graced his presence
  • but my parents
  • my parents were not happy
  • they needed more
  • ‘mr. obama,’ they called
  • and they pointed to me
  • ‘of course,’ obama said
  • (barack obama)
  • he’s so nice, i thought
  • and then it hit me
  • oh no, i thought
  • oh yes, my parents thought at some point, probably
  • i’m obama, obama thought, most likely
  • i was going to meet obama
  • up close and personal
  • obama
  • (barack obama)
  • the rest was a blur
  • and the next thing i knew i was there
  • with obama
  • (barack obama)
  • his hand was shaking my hand
  • his hand was on my hand
  • (nothing had ever felt so right)
  • ‘so what’s you’re name,’ he asked 
  • (with obama’s voice)
  • (because he was obama)
  • (barack obama)
  • and i almost forgot but i told him
  • and he said it correctly even though it’s weird 
  • (obama said my name)
  • and we were off to a good start
  • how was i to know
  • how was i to know the horrors to come
  • ‘so how old are you,’ he asked then
  • and that’s when this dream became a nightmare
  • ‘twelve,’ i said
  • a seemingly innocent answer
  • but here’s the thing
  • i was 
  • thirteen. 
  • (thirteen)
  • (13)
  • (12+1)
  • (16-3)
  • (13.0)
  • (Thirteen.) 
  • what have i done, i thought
  • (panic! at the election)
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3LGopSVju4
  • i still don’t know why i did it
  • did i really forget? 
  • did i do it for the thrill of the chase?
  • to see if i could?
  • maybe
  • but obama didn’t know
  • i did it, i thought, i lied
  • i lied to the president of the united states
  • i pulled it off
  • the greatest lie in history
  • the greatest heist
  • (i didn’t know what a heist was)
  • (i was thirteen)
  • ‘oh so you’re in 6th grade then,’ obama said
  • shit.
  • i was so close
  • shit what do i say, i thought
  • the journey is not over
  • the nightmare rages on
  • what do i say
  • i open my mouth to say, yes
  • ‘no,’ i say
  • what the fuck, i think 
  • ‘no i’m in 7th grade” 
  • (because i was)
  • maybe he won’t know, i thought
  • but he did.
  • (obama’s been around the block)
  • (obama knows what’s up)
  • ‘so you’re ahead of your class, then’ he said
  • (i wasn’t)
  • (i failed basic math at least twice by this time)
  • ‘yes,’ i said, just wanting this nightmare to be over
  • just wanting the lie to end
  • for obama to call me out on my shit and arrest me
  • to spend the rest of my youth locked away in prison where i couldn’t hurt anyone any more with my lies
  • i waited
  • i waited for arrest
  • but arrest didn’t come
  • and that was even worse.
  • obama trusted me
  • obama thought i was a good kid
  • obama thought i was ahead of my class 
  • (ahead of my class) 
  • i let him down
  • i let obama down
  • (barack obama)
  • i watched him leave
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYNH1baA_7k
  • obama, i mouthed out after him
  • obama i’m sorry
  • (he trusted me)
  • why did i do it, you ask
  • i don’t know
  • after all these years
  • i still don’t know
  • it still haunts me
  • i still wake up at night, shaking, and i think
  • i lied to the president of the united states
  • (twice)
  • the photographic evidence of my nightmare hangs in my father’s office
  • i’m smiling through my pain
  • i’m wearing reeboks
  • obama is not
  • (barack obama)
  • i hope that someday, after obama’s retirement 
  • we can put this all behind us and start anew 
  • start fresh
  • (no more lies)
  • (no more deceit)
  • but i’m not naive
  • i know that we can never really go back
  • back to the way things were
  • five seconds after i met him but five seconds before i lied
  • but i can dream
  • i can hope
  • obama
  • obama i’m sorry
  • (barack obama)

this idiot finally did it.

TT~TT

after writing hundreds of songs day and night, his very own composition is finally being used by sm entertainment. he wrote it not for himself, but for jongdae and his juniors, because he really likes making music. his passion for the arts is really overshadowed in exo sometimes.

baby steps yixing… you’re getting there. 

also pls all hail producer zhang and his obnoxious retweet on weibo to purposely inform us that jongdae is included in this song (✿◠‿◠)

look, i’m not sure how many people are aware of this with the recent events, but there’s a huge uprising in korea right now, the likes of which haven’t been seen ever since 2008. people are pushing for change, and there’s a lot of shit being done to them, including but not limited to tear gas, water cannons, beatings, and a combination of all three.

i don’t want to detract from the other events that are going on in the world right now, but this is incredibly important. some forms of korean media are specifically going out of their way to either ignore or deride the movement and the hashtag that koreans have been using has more or less been derailed on twitter.

my country is undergoing a lot of internal turmoil, and while it is understandable due to it being fairly recent, the movement isn’t getting enough attention. this needs more attention.

2

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.” - Terry Pratchett

AU in which someone gives me the funds to make a show about a coven of young British witches looking to live fast and die really, really old (although actually they’re not planning to die at all - but shh, spoiler alert). Featuring fiercely strong bonds of friendship, witchy nights in with pyjamas and ice cream, and lots of token male characters who exist only as plot advancements and eye candy and who usually die after an episode or two.

This is Peter Freuchen. He was an arctic explorer, journalist, author and anthropologist who, during his lifetime, took a 1000-mile dogsled trip around Greenland, starred in an Oscar-winning film, wrote more than a dozen books, amputated his own gangrenous toes himself (and thereafter wore a peg leg), was involved in the Danish resistance against Germany, was imprisoned and sentenced to death by Nazis before escaping to Sweden, was friends with Jean Harlow and Mae West, won $64,000 on the TV show The $64,000 Question, and once escaped from a blizzard shelter by cutting his way out of it using a knife fashioned from his own frozen feces. 

(Source)

OMG.

I just had a sudden realization while watching Shout. Blaine once said that the Warbler performances tended to shut the school down for awhile, and that’s more or less what happened with Shout. They went through all the different rooms, disrupted classes, every one cheered them on and joined in and OMG NEW DIRECTIONS HAVE REACHED WARBLER STATUS. THE NEW DIRECTIONS ARE LIKE ROCK STARS.

My mom who works as a travel agent just sent me this email full of genuine complaints from a traveling company's UK clientele

1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be
banned.”

3. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry.  I don’t like spicy food at all.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

7. “The beach was too sandy.”

8. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

10. “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

12. “No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”

13. “There was no egg-slicer in the apartment.”

14. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

15. “The roads were uneven..”

16. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home.”

17. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”

18. “The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?”

19. “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.”

20. “We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning.”

21. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

22. “I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.”

23. “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room.
We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we
booked.”