i don't even know how to process that except like this

anonymous asked:

AU where Bitty and Jack both suddenly wake up, after having had a few years together, and find themselves in their beds on the morning of the day they met. Both remember everything that happened, but neither thinks the other does, so they both pretend not to remember (which only complicates things more). They end up reenacting a lot of their interactions and it kills them both to do things they know hurt the other but they don't want to change anything.

oh no buddy, I’m not gonna let this stay sad. I’m gonna draw attention to several sad things, but then I’m gonna fix it.

******************

Bitty wakes up on his first day of freshman year. Again. He quickly decides that he can’t say anything to anyone. There was no way to prove that the life he had just been living was anything but a dream.

He goes through the motions as well as he can remember. If he lingers a little on the handshake when he ‘meets’ Jack again, well, who could notice a thing like that?

Jack wakes up in the Haus. He mirrors Bitty’s mental process, realizing that if he started talking about this he could lose the future he knows is on its way. He searches Bittle’s face for recognition, but is too afraid to say anything.

Jack takes a deep breath every day and snaps at Bittle, pushing every pet name out of his mind. Bitty forces himself to forget and relearn how to take a check. On the rink together for checking practice, neither can think of any way to ask if they’re going through the same thing. They both cry more than they did the first time around.

Sometimes Bitty just gets angry at having to repeat things. He tries as hard as he can to not mess the repetitions up, but he isn’t perfect. When Ransom and Holster start asking him what his type is, he rolls his eyes and replies “Men.” As soon as he’s said it he remembers that he had only said that later to his camera, but the damage doesn’t seem to be too great. Jack doesn’t seem to react to the change, adding to his mental list of evidence that everything else had just been a dream. He gets the list of eligible Winter Screw options a few days earlier, but everything settles back to what it had been within a week. Whenever he starts thinking about the next few years, he’s enraged about everything he’s going to have to sit back and let happen. Everything that was going to make Jack sad, and that he wouldn’t be able to fix. Everything that was going to hurt him that he couldn’t avoid. 

Jack wakes up every day and writes up a game plan. It’s hard to have to turn back years of learning and be worse as a captain, especially when he remembers every mistake he made in every lost game. So he writes down those mistakes as a reminder to himself to make them. Half of the mistakes are emotional, and that’s what really gets him. He’s forced to act like those years of growing as a person never happened, like they were worthless. He hates trying to make himself glare at Bittle when they’re on the same line, he hates telling him that it was a lucky shot, he hates being so close to his boyfriend except for the fact that he isn’t his boyfriend yet.

Then it’s the playoffs. Bitty steels himself all week for the concussion he knows is coming. It crosses his mind to try to avoid it, to spare himself the pain and potential brain damage. But he remembers that it was only after the concussion that Jack started texting him, and they really got close. He knows that if he went against the play he knew Jack was going to suggest, he’d only drive them apart. Besides, it hadn’t been that bad the first time.

Jack is confident he can find another reason to text Bittle over the summer. He’s thought about this for the whole school year. Whatever consequences could come from not seeing Bitty hurt like that would be worth it. He just has to convince the coaches to not put Bitty in at the wrong time. 

“Oh my god, I thought we got over this months ago,” Bitty mutters to himself. He doesn’t remember Jack getting so annoyed about playing with him during this game, but he’s at a point where everything has run together in his mind. 

“Jack, I’ll be fine,” he half-lies. He will, eventually. There’s something close to panic in Jack’s eyes. Weird, Jack had taken so long the first time around to show any tiny sign of weakness.

“Promise me you’ll avoid number three.” This is definitely different from before. Bitty stares at Jack. “Spencer, number three, don’t go near him when he’s on their side of the rink. Promise me, Bits.”

“You didn’t even call me Bitty at this point,” he says in shock. They stare at each other for a minute, eyes wide. 

“I won’t get the concussion this time and we’ll talk about this after the game,” Bitty blurts out. Jack nods vigorously. They play, and it’s brutal, but Bitty avoids the hip check. Once the game is over, they rush to get seats together in the bus. In whispers, they talk about the future they already had. Bitty mourned the years of school he had ahead of him that he had already completed. Jack complained about having to rewalk a long path to the Stanley Cup. They talked about teammates who felt like family but would still know them as strangers. Graduation, the Fourth of July they spent in Madison, their first Christmas together. Every important milestone of their relationship.

“And in this loop or timeline or whatever, we haven’t even kissed!” Bitty whispers, letting his head thunk back against the headrest. “I was at the point where I was out of college, happy with my career, and hiding a ring from you!”

“You weren’t!” Jack says out loud before dropping back into a whisper. “I was doing the same thing.” They both start laughing. It’s the perfect time to have a second first kiss. They lean in towards each other, their lips meet, and–

–They’re back in their apartment. Bitty sits bolt upright in their bed and turns to Jack. For a fleeting second, he thinks about pretending the last several months just didn’t happen. Jack sits up too, and their eyes meet.

“Did that just–”

“Your frog year take two–” They dissolve into relieved laughter.

“I thought I was going to have to take calc again!”

“I thought I was going to have to listen to you complain about calc again,” Jack says before Bitty smacks him with a pillow. “Kidding! Kind of! Wait, weren’t we just saying that we wanted to propose to each other?” He throws himself out of bed and runs to start rummaging through various coat pockets.

“Oh no, you’re not going to propose to me before I can propose to you!” 

Everything is as it should be once more.

For @whumpdump (AKA a super awesome friendo!) 

“I’m dying,” Lance moans, draping one arm across his eyes while the other rests tightly around his stomach.

He had woken up that morning to a twisting stomach that left him stumbling into the bathroom of his small apartment, but after twenty uneventful minutes of kneeling in front of the toilet, he slipped shoes on, not caring that the two didn’t match, and started toward Keith’s apartment on the floor above his.

Keep reading

Matchmaker - Cody Christian AU Imagine

Warnings:SMUT,swearing,daddy kink,jealous Cody,ass slapping,hand tying,m+f oral,fake tweet,fluff.

A/N: Enjoy xx and Happy Valentines Day or as I like to call it “Another thing to remind me i’m Single AF” 

y/n; your name

y/u/n; your username

MASTERLIST


Lisa: Hi guys were back on Clevver Tv’s Valentines day special with the cast of Teen Wolf * Lisa smiled*

Lisa: So Cody our sources yell us you’re off the market and have been for some time now, is that true?

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm feeling 62. (Please don't cry) really hard even though like 2 out of the 3 words are barely in Andrew or Neil's vocabulary

Okay so like I love this concept and I love this dialogue but…. Andrew doesn’t say please and Neil would never say please in front of Andrew, but……. I did my best
#62. “Please, don’t cry.”

Andrew’s sweatshirt is the only barrier between Neil’s skin and the biting December air. Where the metal of the balcony touches Neil’s bare thighs and feet, he freezes. Tears stick to his cheeks. The cold doesn’t register. Neil just feels the heat of a gasoline fire, smells flesh and hair and plastic burning. He can feel the resistance against his fingers when he rips his mother’s bones from the seat with blood acting as velcro.

The balcony door slides open and Andrew steps out. King slips past Andrew’s feet and trots over to Neil. The cat meows before stepping onto Neil’s thigh and head-butting his chest. Neil blinks, and more tears fall and freeze in place. Sir meows from the doorway and paces, but he won’t come outside. 

“Your cats are stupid,” Andrew says, sitting down crosslegged beside Neil. 

Neil doesn’t respond except to drag in a trembling breath. Andrew and the cats are peripheral to the last moments he has of his mother. Neil’s grief and exhaustion warp reality until the memory feels more real than the present moment. He’s not sitting on his balcony, remembering California, he’s on his knees on the side of the road, vomiting up the smell of ash and the taste of sea salt until his stomach is empty.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

If it's okay with you, and I will absolutely understand if you delete the request, but how do you think the RFA + Saeran would react if MC confessed to them that she never liked herself? ~~it's fine if you don't want to, and thank you ❤️~~

Sure! We hope you enjoy this one:) 


Zen:

  • You were so confident and bright
  • But he also appeared that way on the outside
  • He had some suspicions in the way your confidence faltered when you thought no one was looking
  • He approaches you about it when you spend a little too much time frowning in the mirror
  • You try to brush it off and say sometimes you don’t feel like a somebody next to someone like him
  • He shuts you down right there and tells you not to compare yourself to anyone
  • It’s enough to make you open up and confess that you never liked yourself ever
  • He gives you a little pep talk, but nothing too deep
  • He knows from experience that talking doesn’t always heal those insecurities
  • But, he compliments you every day on little things
  • If you’re doing your hair, he’ll say how cute it looks, or if you’re cooking a meal, he’ll praise you on how capable you are
  • After a few months of this, you come back to him with a smile, “You know…I think I’m beginning to think I’m okay.”
  • It would still be a little longer until you truly liked yourself, but he was so happy at the progress

Yoosung:

  • You had this bad tendency of beating yourself up 
  • Usually it was small comments here and there, but Yoosung noticed
  • He asked why you always tore yourself down and it came tumbling out that you really couldn’t stand yourself
  • You’ve never seen him look so hurt
  • He starts spitting out compliment after compliment
  • Somewhere in the middle, you found the air being squeezed out of your lungs as he hugs you
  • He apologizes that he didn’t realize it was so serious
  • He starts this little tradition every day where he makes you name one thing about yourself that you like
  • If you name a body part, he’ll kiss it
  • “I like that part of you, too!” he would say. “But I love every part of you.”

Jaehee:

  • They say people inexplicably open up to each other after midnight
  • Well, you and Jaehee were sipping tea together past midnight, and you just slipped
  • “Do you ever feel like you don’t like yourself? Because…I do all the time.”
  • Jaehee falters for a moment, but she’s very calm
  • She asks you what you don’t like about yourself
  • You start stating some traits
  • For each one, she asks the same thing: Why don’t you like that about yourself?
  • This little back and forth goes all night until the sun comes up and you’ve gotten to the root of some things
  • You resolve to at least attempt to love yourself more
  • And Jaehee promises to do her best to help you see what she sees

Jumin:

  • You were always so strong, so he always assumed you were confident
  • But then one day, he bought a floor length mirror for the house and you did not look thrilled
  • “I thought you might like something to see your full self in,” he says when you rush out of the room
  • You reply that you don’t really like looking at yourself in the mirror
  • The more you look, the more flaws you see and you already despise yourself enough
  • The confession just keeps tumbling out of your mouth, and soon you’re admitting that you feel you don’t deserve the gifts he gives you because you probably don’t look the best in the dresses, and jewelry and the rest of the things he showers you with
  • Jumin’s chest just ached…He hurt so bad because he could see that you were hurting
  • He takes your hands, “Have I ever lied to you?”
  • “No…”
  • “Then believe me when I say you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. You have so many great qualities, that it would be a shame if you couldn’t see them yourself.”
  • He makes a vow to help you love yourself, and for once you try to put in the effort


Seven:

  • “Saeyoung, do you know how we promised we were going to be honest about our feelings?”
  • “Yeah.”
  • “Well…I don’t like myself.”
  • He was surprisingly calm about it
  • He had been there himself, and freaking out would not help
  • He sets everything aside and has you talk about it
  • It takes some digging, but he tries to find the root of the problem
  • When you’re done, you’re a mess of tears
  • You admit that you want to love yourself, but you really can’t see any good qualities
  • This is where he steps in and starts listing your qualities one by one until you’re even worse of a mess
  • He knows it’s a process, so he tries to remind you daily of reasons to love yourself
  • He makes you list one you like about yourself in return
  • He also programs the robot cat to spit out compliments when he’s not around
  • You can’t shut it off unless you say a nice thing about yourself

Saeran:

  • It slipped out as a morbid joke actually
  • You were doing something, and you messed up so you chuckled
  • “Ah, I hate myself.”
  • Saeran’s attention snapped to you right away and he asked you to repeat that, since he wasn’t sure he heard right
  • When you say it again, he gets really upset
  • He went through years of actual self-loathing and he doesn’t like that you’re making a joke about it
  • It’s at this point you confess that it was a joke, but with a lot of truth behind it
  • You admit that you never really liked yourself
  • For some reason, the confession causes your emotions to burst and now you’re crying
  • He apologizes immediately, because he felt he was a little harsh before
  • It gets quiet except for your crying, and then he murmurs, “You’re worth a lot to me, and you should love yourself too.”
  • You were so touched by a simple sentence
  • From that point on, you tried to see yourself in a better light, and he tried to help you do so

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

Villains of the Hogwarts Houses
  • Since the common occurrence in the book series is that Slytherin = bad, you don't really get exposure to how villains of other houses work, and how to identify them (except in the case of Peter Pettigrew, and he was more of a man with weak character than a true villain). This leads to lazily typing every villain you come across as Slytherin because they seem like this list of characters (all the #death eaters).
  • Villains can be any house, and are spread quite evenly, but just as we look for motivation in typing regular people, villains are the same motivations in an unhealthy way; their thought process does not change; the same core life goal/motivation remains, except how they are accomplishing it is very bad. So here are some examples and explanations of each kind of villain.
  • Slytherin: Ahh, why not just start with an easy-peasy, completely expected one. Crowley from Supernatural. He's evil, right? He plans to take over hell and overthrow whomever needed because he wants to. He wants recognition. He wants to stay alive. It's all about him and he's open with that, which is why he'll assist the Winchesters: he needs something that they can provide. There is no moral wall, he's just doing what best serves him at the moment. Flexible, calculating, charming, the ideal slytherin villian. Look over at Voldemort. Same thing. It was very personal; he wanted to rule the wizarding world and decided to do it for no reason other than power. His dislike of muggles came from personal hatred of his father, not a perceived noble pursuit (as you'll see in hufflepuff, oh yes).
  • Gryffindor: The perfect example of a Gryffindor villain is once again from Supernatural. Lucifer. When you look at him, you can easily tell his motivations are vastly different from Crowley. While Crowley is open that yes this is shitty, it's because I want it, Lucifer takes on a holier than thou attitude, and has a perception of a great wrong that has been done to him, that he must avenge. He wants to kill humanity because it's right. Why is it right? Because he says so. There is no concept of climbing to the top, or winning anything, Lucifer is trying to simultaneously prove something and enforce his idea of a correct world onto others. They can either agree and help him, or, as happened to Gabriel, they are flawed and must perish (which is different from a slytherin who will spare you if you don't get in their way). Slytherin is self-serving; gryffindor is blinded righteousness.
  • Hufflpuff: Hufflepuff really has no fictional villains, which is horrid because they are some of the greatest possible villains to write. The villains in fiction from most to least common are slytherin, gryffindor and ravenclaw rarely, and hufflepuff never. Just basically everyone picks a slytherin villain, which is why they all seem the same. The only place I can think to find a hufflepuff villain is history. The truest hufflepuff villain I can think of is Adolph Hitler.
  • Similar to gryffindor, they believe they're working for a cause, except it's not based on personal moral belief as much as perceived needs from others, and the greater good, something outside themselves. My people are having difficulty? I'm doing this for THEM, to help THEM, because it needs to be done. This is what they want, right? Yes? Good. No? Well, it's what they need, and I'll help them anyway (like a distorted mother knows best kind of thing). They genuinely believe that what they're doing is HELPING someone, that they're doing this great deed, which is why they're actually dangerous villains. The least dangerous villain is slytherin, because they know what they're doing is self serving, and therefore an be persuaded. The other 3 houses are deluded in some way, which makes it nearly impossible to change their point of view, if they're unhealthy enough to be villains in the first place.
  • Ravenclaw: Sigh. Ravenclaw villains are, in a word... hard to pin down. Their motives are very abstract, so they truly could not tell you a specific reason for doing what they're doing. While Gryffindor and Hufflepuff would use a personal experience or observation to draw and back up their faulty conclusion, ravenclaw isn't doing that at all. There is no specific reason they can give, it just goes from vague abstracts to vague abstracts. Often their motivation is because people 'are blind', or 'can't see', or don't understand, or that they shuned an innovative idea. Ravenclaw then usually goes on a ruthless trip to 'show them', or make them understand. Basically The Joker in DC and Ultron in Marvel. Why are they doing anything? To make people see or understand. Often motivated by revenge or bitterness, usually a backstory about embarrassment or perceived humiliation.
  • A ravenclaw villain is basically existential nihilism on steroids; a in the end, the world will just burn, type vibe.

anonymous asked:

i feel like you're a person how has their shit together. and i very much don't. how do i get there? any useful tips for someone failing at life in all areas?

I mean, I doubt I have my shit together as much as I seem to online, Anon. :D There are areas of my life sorely lacking. But the most useful thing to remember I’ve found is that you don’t do it overnight. I’m 37 and it took me this long to get here, and I started trying to keep my shit together probably in my late teens. 

So I kind of….pulled my shit together the same way I clean house: I pick a room, or even just a single surface like a kitchen counter or a desk, and I only clean that. And then when I clean the next thing, the rule is that I don’t put anything from room #2 cleaning into room #1 unless it actually belongs there and has a place it should go. 

There is a readmore below, read more!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

May I ask you something that's not so much in Mor's favor? Don't you think that she should have told Az that she doesn't want him that way? She didn't need t come out to him in order to do that. Another reason to add how this whole plot was done horribly. It made her seem.. Not a great friend. She also said that she likes things the way they are to Feyre, she doesn't want to change things, it's comfortable for her (Az, her, Cass thing). I just.. Wish that all of this is different completely.

Right *rubs temples* we have finally reached a point I have been struggling with with this whole Mor…fiasco which is the tension between my desire to drag sjm through the mud for the way this was written…but also my intense desire to protect Mor’s choices as a queer character having agency with her own identity. This ask is going to be dedicated entirely to the latter (okay maybe not ENTIRELY but when I’m talking about  how Mor acted I’m going to do it in such a way that’s just ‘I wish all of this hasn’t happened how it did but it has and I’m working with what I’ve got here’) Clunky disclaimer out the way, let’s pick this apart… 

Right, first off,I would like to point out that it’s canon that Mor did actually try to talk to Azriel about this after he found her in the Autumn Court. However he wasn’t really listening and was doing some babble-confessing of his own at the time and she panicked. She was seventeen years old and the boy who just saved her life, who she knew she couldn’t be with, tried to tell  her that he loved her and she had no idea what to do so she panicked. After that it’s not really surprising she struggled with trying to explain things to him. 

Then  I think it’s important to remember a lot of things about the dynamic between Mor, Cass, Rhys and Az early on in the series when she knew Az and might have told him. So she’s only known Cassian and Azriel for two weeks when the whole Incident happens. The situation Mor is in is a  hell of a lot more complicated than ‘I slept with this one dude and this other dude loves me but I’m queer I’m not sure how to tell him’ (which is complicated enough in itself) 

Mor owes her life to all three of them at this point. Azriel saved her from the Autumn Court. Cassian and Rhys got her out of the Court of Nightmares and then proceeded to keep her out. So not is she indebted to them for saving her she is also completely reliant on them for her freedom. At this point in the canon we’re dealing with an extremely vulnerable queer girl who has been brutalised beyond belief and has only just been able to get out of her abusive situation. If the relationship she has with Cass Az and Rhys deteriorates she has nowhere else to go but back to her emotionally abusive homophobic family. 

Factor into that that she’s recently had sex with Cassian, largely because of Az and his jealousy over the two of them, and then walked away from that and the fact that she knows Azriel is in love with her but that she can’t reciprocate…I’m not surprised she’s terrified of telling them the truth. She’s grown up being told people like her are selfish and awful and that they should be forced into marriage and breeding regardless of how they feel about it, she probably believes that’s how Az and Cassian definitely, since she’s only known them about 3 weeks, will react to her. And Rhys grew up with them, they’re his brothers, she’s probably petrified of telling them the truth about her and having them all reject and abandon her which leaves her with nowhere to go but back to her father. I don’t blame her for not telling them. 

Then the War happens and she’s away from them all for a while and falls in love with Andromache and she has to go through losing her (twice) completely alone because no-one knows and she can’t tell t hem. She says herself that there was no-one for a few decades and like..Those aren’t circumstances where I’d feel like adding a whole  heaping pile of angst on top when she still isn’t sure how the boys will react so she just bottles things up and hides them away again. 

And then…Things settle out a little bit. The dynamic between her and Cass and Az finds something like what we see now, the three of them all tied together and loving each other just in different ways. And then she has to start trying to accept herself (Andromache was her first female lover and after that fell apart Mor was alone for decades, it’s hard to talk to people about something you barely understand or accept yourself) 

She has to unlearn the vile homophobia that she grew up with, she has to coax herself into trying to be with a woman again after what happened before, she has to try and explore this part of herself without letting anyone know…That’s hard. And so she finds Velaris, she finds Rita’s and at last she has a little safe place, a place where she experiment and be herself and so she does.  But that’s a safe place, a place that’s just hers, a thing that’s just hers, that no-one has yet managed to take away from her or destroy, and she feels this desperate urge to keep it safe because it’s all that’s kept her from breaking at times, knowing that no-one has ever truly known her

All of this takes time. Mor is healing and I know she’s a strong, confident woman when we meet her in ACOMAF and she’s had while to process all of this but…Abuse and that sort of homophobia and the trauma she was subjected to on top of then losing the only person she’s ever truly loved…That takes a lot of healing, that takes a lot of time to slowly build up an identity and a self-worth and by the time that happens…She needs the people around her. She has a support system in place and she deeply loves all of them. 

If she suddenly reveals that she’s queer that’s going to mess up her relationship with everyone in the Circle (except, perhaps, Amren) But everything will change and she’s only just managed to find herself and a place where she belongs and she has NEVER had that before. Cassian and Azriel both had difficult childhoods but they also both had Rhys and Rhys’ mother. Mor has not had a single positive, mutual, respectful relationship before Rhys, Cassian, Azriel and Amren. That is so fucking important for her recovery and her stability and I cannot find it in myself to shame her or hate her for wanting to keep that whole. 

Not to mention the fact that she knows this will hurt Azriel. And she loves him. I don’t care what bullshit that coming out scene spouts about her not being able to love him ‘the way he deserves’ because of her sexuality (which I have issues with) because she loves this man in a very deep, unconditional way and this will hurt him and she can’t bear that. 

So there are a lot of pressures surrounding her keeping her sexuality hidden. She’s petrified of her family, of the homophobia she grew up surrounded by and she wants to keep this one tiny piece of herself hidden from them, so they never truly know her and therefore can’t own or break her. She’s petrified of losing the Circle, who she owes her life, freedom, power and stability to, they’re her support system and the only truly positive relationships she’s ever known. of course she’s terrified of losing that? And she’s scared of hurting Azriel and wrecking her relationship with someone that she truly and genuinely loves, even if she doesn’t want to be with him romantically. 

Also I think, when you mention that she didn’t have to come out to explain things to Azriel I think….In this case it’s complicated by them? She’s already walked away from him once while he was trying to tell her that he loved her…If she just goes to him and tells him that she can never ever be with him without the context of her sexuality…That’s going to ruin him? And she knows that. She knows how he sees himself and she’s probably terrified of offering up that rejection because the Circle is Az’s safe space and support network too and she loves him. She cannot just say ‘I don’t want you, I never will’ because then it will just…sound like he’s not good enough for her and he never will be? It’s going to sound like a ‘him’ problem than it just being the way that she is and she knows that would shatter him. (You can argue all you like that this is an Azriel problem and it’s not on her to fix or attend to his insecurities, and it’s not, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for her to just shatter him like that? This is the reality of their situation) 

Also, on the subject of her not wanting to change it…I want to make it clear that I don’t think this is actively good for her. Like, I’m sorry, but if you think that Azriel, a straight man, is suffering more for Mor not feeling like she’s able to come out, feeling ‘petrified’ of facing him with this, than she is…I don’t know what to say to you. 

Being closeted is not fun. It’s not a little ‘straight passing’ card that you get to wave around so you can blend in with the normal people and not get noticed, it’s hard. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It’s constantly having to censor yourself whenever you’re talking to people, constantly worrying if they’ve figured it out even though you’re not ready, this constant paranoia and this guilt that builds up and the frustration and the hurt at not being able to be yourself. 

This situation is harming more exponentially more than it is Az and when she says that she doesn’t want it to change that’s not her being selfish. at all. 

(Especially when, as Mor told us herself in ACOMAF, she could peel her clothes off in front of Azriel and he wouldn’t move. He isn’t ready for this relationship anyway. He could have gone to her as well at any point in these 500 years and approached her about this and he hasn’t. Mor is not the only one maintaining this stasis between them and telling herself it’s ‘good enough’ this thing is mutual. 

Azriel isn’t technically losing out on anything by this because he hasn’t tried to make a move or talk to her about it and isn’t ready for the relationship himself? Maybe he could have moved on if she’d given him a concrete no but like…After five hundred years…He could have damn well just decided to move on for himself, like I’m sorry. A man should not need a flat out rejection from a woman (which, you could argue that he’d gotten when she walked away from him when he told her he loved her) to move on with his life, okay. 

He could have made that choice for himself she is not stopping him making that choice and she is not ‘stringing him along’ either, she isn’t hinting that oh maybe some day this might happen, not today but maybe tomorrow, she’s avoiding the subject and she has Cassian buffer them ffs to try and protect her from this. That’s not stringing him along, like, sorry) 

“Whenever Azriel makes his feelings clear, like he did with Eris … It’s stupid, I know. It’s so stupid and cruel that I do this, but … I slept with Helion just to remind Azriel … Gods, I can’t even say it. It sounds even worse saying it.”

“To remind him that you’re not interested.”

“I should tell him. I need to tell him. Mother above, after last night, I should. But …” She twisted her mass of golden hair over a shoulder. “It’s gone on for so long. So long. I’m petrified to face him—to tell him he’s spent five hundred years pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout … I like things the way they are. Even if I can’t … can’t really be me, I … things are good enough.

Right, regardless of how you personally view Mor’s sexuality (bi/gay/queer/whatever you wish) the fact of the matter is that, in canon, Feyre states THREE TIMES that Mor did not enjoy sleeping with Helion and that she got no pleasure out of it. She’s described as ‘pale and vacant’ the next day and during the coming out scene Feyre actually thinks of her as looking ‘tortured’ okay, she is not enjoying this. The fact of the matter is, Mor is repeatedly having sex with men…For Az. To keep him at a distance. This is…Like I’m sorry but if you can’t see how fucked up that is (for HER) I don’t know what to say to you. She’s repeatedly putting herself in sexual situations she may or may not want that she does not seem to enjoy…For Azriel. 

She is suffering here, okay. She is closeted, that’s painful, that’s hard in itself but she also has this to deal with. Azriel’s affection has kept her closeted (in part) all these years and she is PETRIFIED of facing him with this?? How can this possibly be purely selfish on her part? How is she the only one getting flack for doing what she needs to do to keep herself safe

Especially when it’s hurting her like? ‘Good enough’ it’s just..It’s like Lucien’s situation in the Spring Court. That was ‘good enough’ for him, yes he was being abused  horrendously, no he didn’t have any real agency or power over himself or freedom or love or respect but it wasn’t the abusive shithole he was trapped in all those years so it was ‘good enough’. 

That’s what this good enough is, okay. She cannot be herself. She cannot openly love who she wants to. She has to suffer heartache and grief alone and isolated because she can’t tell anyone how she feels. She is ‘petrified’ of facing Azriel. She is closeted and that hurts. She is also GUILTY AS FUCK. She’s doing all of this, hiding herself, hurting herself, sleeping with people she doesn’t get any pleasure out of, and has been doing this for five  hundred years and she still feels horrifically guilty about this. She’s said in that coming out scene too that she wants to be able to love Azriel the way he deserves but she can’t. She’s tried to change herself and has hidden herself and hurt herself all for this relationship that she doesn’t want, that makes her uncomfortable? 

She likes things the way that they are  because these are the first people who accepted even a part of her. They love her and they respect her and they treat her with dignity and gave her basic fucking needs from a relationship and that is ‘good enough’ for her. Because she grew up with emotionally and physically abusive homophobic parents who accepted no part of her, who treated her like an animal, or worse, and then she found this…She found this love and respect and of course she doesn’t want to change it. Of course she doesn’t want to lose it. Of course she’s terrified of telling them and seeing that same hatred that lived in her parents’ eyes. Even if she knows it’s irrational that doesn’t matter. She’s a terrified queer abuse victim and she is suffering, she cannot be herself, but that’s good enough because what choice does she have, really? 

Mor is a closeted, scared, vulnerable, abuse survivor who is petrified of losing the only safe space that she’s ever had just because of who she is. She is suffering 100 times more from this situation than Azriel or anyone else in the Circle. I will not sit here and call a queer character selfish or a bad friend or any of it for doing what she feels she has to to protect herself. Especially not when most of the things that she’s doing are more damaging for her than they are for anyone else. I love Azriel, I relate to his character a lot, but I’m not going to sit here and prop up this ‘oh no poor boy’ while Mor gets thrown under the bus because she is afraid. 

Her identity is her own and this choice, revealing this part of herself to who she chooses, is one of the only pieces of ultimate agency that she has ever had. I won’t say she was wrong to keep it hidden, keep it safe, if that made her feel okay. Mor’s situation is not ‘good enough’, Mor’s situation is deplorable and painful and I refuse to call her selfish for maintaining something like this because she is absolutely terrified of the alternative. 

Queer people have the right to be in the closet for as long as they need to be in order to feel safe. It is not for anyone else (especially not straight characters a la Feyre) to tell them when they should come out. They are not ‘liars’ for being closeted. They should not feel guilty for being closeted and keeping themselves safe. That’s a disgusting way of looking at things and it’s an incredibly damaging mentality to have. 

‘Out and proud’ is great, okay, but it’s not possible for everyone. A queer person’s safety comes first and if they feel that they need to keep their sexuality hidden in order to do so that is their choice. And it is not up to anyone, especially those who have no way of understanding what this feels like, to judge them or shame them or guilt-trip for that. It’s not selfish to want to protect yourself and not risk ruining the relationships you have with those around you for the sake of telling them something they do not have a right to know unless you choose it. 

In the end I will chose validating and defending a queer person’s decision to keep their identity hidden for their own personal reasons and safety over the feelings of anyone who feels like they might have been entitled to know this every. Single. Fucking. Time. 

anonymous asked:

Ok so so ok. I Adore your nurseydex fics. Can i maybe possibly request a fic? Maaaaaybe one where they try to work out living together without the team finding out that they're dating maybe? Its chill sauce if you aren't taking prompts rn or anything don't stress it starshine

a/n: Sorry this took so long and that it’s less than amazing. 

With a sigh of relief that he was finally (FINALLY) back at the Haus after a long day of classes, Dex quickly made his way through the door, hoping to slip up the stairs unnoticed. He wasn’t in the sort of mood to run into anyone. He just wanted to get comfortable and maybe cuddle with his boyfriend.

Of course, that meant that he was stopped precisely four steps into the Haus by an aggressively cheerful Bitty, bearing a plate piled high with sandwiches. Dex wanted to hit himself for forgetting that he had texted Bitty earlier to complain that he had forgotten his bagged lunch on the kitchen counter (because yes, shut up, he took bagged lunches… his class schedule didn’t give him enough time to buy food on campus). And, because he was that sort of friend, Bitty promised to have lunch waiting for Dex when he got done for the day.

Dex didn’t want to have lunch with Bitty, even if he made the best sandwiches, bar none. He just wanted to lay with Nursey and get his hair played with and maybe get off. He couldn’t tell Bitty any of that, though, so Dex gave his captain a tight smile and followed him into the living room.

“Just a heads up, Dex, Nursey is already here. Gotta fuel up before whatever fight y'all are gonna have today.”

We’re not going to fight!, Dex wanted to yell. We’ve been going out for six months and none of you bothered to notice.

He didn’t though. Instead, he grabbed a sandwich of the top of the pile and shoved it in his mouth, then grimaced. Apparently that was Bitty’s stack, because it had more mustard than meat. Dex tried not to gag when he set it back down on the plate and grabbed a new one.

Bitty spent the next 20 minutes sending concerned looks his way that Dex pretended he didn’t see. That would mean having a conversation, which meant not getting to go upstairs, the exact opposite of what he wanted. So, he made sure to have food in his mouth at all times, and got up immediately when he was done eating.

He threw a casual “Thanks for lunch” over his shoulder as he bound up the stairs.

Nursey had their bedroom door propped open with the stupid unicorn like he usually did. They both hated the thing, but Nursey refused to admit it. Dex kicked it out of the way a little harder than necessary (he wanted it gone more than he wanted to win the standoff about it, and that was saying something).

Nursey was laying on the top bunk, something they started doing when they realized it was easier to hide that they were laying together if anyone barged in. Dex hated it. He hated that it was necessary. He threw his bag on the floor, not watching where it landed, and rolled onto the bottom bunk. He kicked he flimsy mattress above him a few times with his socked feet.

“come down here, asshole.”

Practically, there was no difference between laying together on the top bunk or the bottom bunk. They were both too small and too lumpy. They both knew there was no reason for Nursey to switch beds. Nursey didn’t point any of that out, though. Instead, he rolled off the top bunk and lumbered into the bottom to join Dex.

As soon as he seemed comfortable, Dex clung to him like a limpet. Nursey, the saint, didn’t say anything about that, either. He just let Dex wrap around him as he slipped a hand into curly red hair. The tension that had been building between Dex’s shoulders eased the tiniest bit.

They laid there for a while, Nursey’s hands running through Dex’s hair while Dex tried to put his feelings into words. It was something he was working on, processing his emotions instead of just reacting to them. Mostly he sucked at it, but he was trying. For Nursey (the woman at the counselling center said he should be trying for himself, but Dex was still having a hard time believing he was worth that effort… but he could do it for Nursey).

Once he felt like he had his thoughts somewhat gathered, he asked, “Why haven’t we told the team we’re dating?”

Nursey tried to pull back enough to see Dex’s face, but the bunk was too small. He settled for holding on to him tighter, instead.

“Well, Ransom and Holster said it would be easier this way, and you thought it would be a good idea, so we agreed.”

Which was true. Right before summer started, after Lardo had moved her things out and Dex and Nursey were moving their things in, Holster had walked in on them making out in the mostly empty bedroom. Dex expected him to go yelling it through the Haus, but instead, he sat them down and told them about him and Ransom. Except…

“Everyone knew they were together, though. They weren’t really hiding anything. And they thought that the team wouldn’t understand the whole them and March and April thing. I mean, look how happy Bitty is now that everyone knows about him and Jack.”

This time, Nursey did pull away enough to look at Dex, and ended up half-off the bunk because of it. He had a little smirk and a glimmer in his eye. “You wanna tell everyone about us?”

“Well, maybe. Yeah. I do.”

Nursey’s smirk turned into a wide smile.”Awww, you like me.”

“Whatever, don’t go that far. You just don’t annoy me enough to pretend I hate you around everyone else.”

Nursey rolled his eyes, but pulled Dex in for a sloppy kiss anyway. For Dex, that was practically a love confession. But that could come later. So could telling everyone.

Dex tried to deepen the kiss, but they ended up rolling straight off the bed, instead. They landed with a thump. Seconds later, a shout came from downstairs. “If I have to separate you, it’s on y'all’s head, you hear?”

They both laughed until they couldn’t anymore, then kissed until it turned into something else entirely.

anonymous asked:

I don't wanna call it too soon but this is the CUTEST PHIL LS maybe ever. Can't wait for you to say a little on it (especially re his many verbal eyerolls at chat, and the cat paintings...)

ughhhh yes there were definitely so, so many cute little anecdotes and jokes, and a lot of interesting tidbits that i took note of while watching: 

  • he opens the show by saying that he “welcomes” people calling him dad and appreciates all the father’s day messages. amazing
  • he bought his own dad a tasting selection of jams and marmalades which immediately made me irate bc it sounds like the perf gift for my father except i would never think of it bc i’m not as creative as phil ugh. phil probs buys everyone the best presents and i’m envious of people who are good at that
  • i loled at the fact that some vintage family drama sent like nine of phil’s great uncles to australia why is that so funny. also hearing re-confirmation of just how huge phil’s family is was kind of refreshing
  • the whole centipede anecdote killed me omg jst the image of phil freaking out and calling dan into the room (whether it was in his bedroom or somewhere else, i don’t rly feel like weighing in on that debate) and then dan obviously proceeding to freak out even more than phil (which we can very vividly picture based on his reactions in the piece of art that is phil lester vs. praying mantis.) it was just such a cute story lmao, i loved the way that phil called the bug a creepy crawly and said, ‘dan’s not a fan of those creepy crawlies either’ ughghghghhh. and i love that phil is definitely forever and always going to be the designated bug-catcher in their house even though he’s scared of bugs too, jst bc dan is always too busy having an actual breakdown any time he sees an insect
  • the random interjection of him screaming ‘bear’ from the bear kayak video made me lol
  • when he’s talking about bryony’s cat paintings and says he and dan are the only ppl who like them, i like that they pretty much always share tastes in everything, be less conjoined pls 
  • him narrating his thought process when he bought the fairy light twigs: ‘what i need in my life is some light-up sticks’
  • his plan to change up the dresser trinkets for every video is interesting and referring to the setup as a ‘tableau’ lmao–as i’ve said multiple times i don’t believe this room is his primary living quarters so i def took this idea to change up the background every time he films as further confirmation that this room is basically a set 
  • martyn has been in a ‘plane incident’ at one point in his life, didn’t know that
  • the way he talked about louise’s baby was so cuteeeee, his huge grin, the way he immediately went into a higher pitched voice, cheeky suggesting ‘phil’ as a name and then saying philippa could be a boy’s name but getting a bit nervous to make the general point about not needing to gender names and just saying ‘i mean’ a lot and giggling. then his feigned indignation when someone suggested ‘daniel’ lol he’s cute
  • learning dil was pregnant made him want to ‘rip his face off’ ok calm down mate
  • the fidget spinner omg: the way that he needed to make clear that it was no ‘2 pound friend present’ lmao i read this as him jokingly being a bit salty that dan didn’t appreciate all of the time and effort and ‘good money’ he put into this loving and thoughtful gift ahhaha. it was jst such a comfortable and warm little comment i loved it. and i love that he thinks it’s beautiful bc of the colors and i was lit dying at the whole story of him lying on the floor and trying to show off to dan that he could balance it on his nose and then utterly failing. adds more context to the way that dan was so fond last week when he talked about phil injuring himself with it
  • he doesn’t like killing animals, and always finds a way to trap them and throw them outside 
  • when someone asks him to give them a nickname and he comes up with, ‘ma more like mars expedition’.. wtf he’s adorable
  • kath could ‘open a brownie farm’ PHIL PLS 
  • ‘stop calling me dad though bc it’s inappropriate,’ he says with a barely concealed smile as he complies with everyone’s wishes to clean them. why does he love being called dad i need to lie down 
  • traditional lester thing is to get fish and chips when they’re all together
  • his sheer excitement about wonder woman was amazing omg. ‘she kicks so much butt but she has a personality and more movies should be made with a woman as the main character like that’ yAS phil 
  • thoughts on chris pine: he originally jst says he’s ‘funny’ but then when someone in the chat says ‘chris pine is fricking hot,’ he basically agrees and adds that he is ‘distracting’ and ‘radiating out of his face … what is that face? how do you achieve such a face?’ fucking amazing.
  • he always finds coins that are from 1997 lmao only he would notice that and think it’s some secret conspiracy by the universe jst to fuck with him
  • this week’s beauty tips:
    • change your face wash every 3-4 months because your face gets used to it. also you might want your face to smell like something different (his face currently smells of tree sap)
    • don’t spray hair spray directly into your mouth bc it tastes really bad and probably isn’t good for your health
    • drink lots of water (again)
    • put tea bags on your eyes and the caffeine will make you feel more energized and also you’ll look beautiful with teabags on your eyes
  • i’m certain that phil giggling, ‘but they’ve seen it from space and it’s a globe!’ single-handedly debunked the flat earth conspiracy
  • he goes ‘poot’ when he sprays febreze,,,, jesus christ. also of course he had a vanilla cupcake scented air freshener once,,,, have i mentioned that i am so fucking in love with phil jesUS 
  • his spon of dan’s vid was interesting to me, he kind of seemed to think of it at the very last moment even after he’d said goodbye to a bunch of people, and focused more on sponning it than sponning his own vid or anything from the gaming channel. he said it was ‘very funny’ which i’ll admit only added to my confusion about the objective or intention of dan’s video bc it didn’t strike me as trying to be comedic in any way. i wonder if phil genuinely found it funny and what he liked about it hahah, i honestly would pay for him to give it an honest review
  • his lil meows at the end before he clicked out were v pure i adore him

ya i love phil, ik it’s breaking news to yall but i really, really do. his live shows are always exactly what i need and he makes me so happy 

(phil live show: giant centipede attack - 6.18.17)

I’ve been preparing for a Ye Olde SCA campout this weekend.

My technique in sewing medieval clothes without a paper pattern is a little involved, but I like being able to make a garment and have it fit perfectly the first time I put it on, without having to do a fitting even one time.

How do I do this? Two programs - MakeHuman and Marvelous Designer

- I made a perfect 3D model of myself in MakeHuman by using my measurements and height, following this tutorial

- I imported the creepily perfect 3D model of myself into Marvelous Designer.

- I took medieval patterns from the internet, traced them, and resized them to fit the perfect 3D model of me. Like this t-tunic.

or more complicated clothes:

- Cut out the fabric using the same dimensions, adding a seam allowance

- sew it together (correctly the first time, not wasting fabric)

The first time I made a t-tunic, it went over my head and fit perfectly. I made a t-tunic for my brother using this technique, and he didn’t have to be involved in the process at all except for putting it over his head and it fitting perfectly. 

The hard part would be cutting out the fabric for more complicated clothes, but with ancient/custom clothing like this, you’d have to find a way to do that anyway. With this program, you know at least that it’s going to fit your beautiful body, and there’s less chance of wasting expensive linen..

I was actually using this technique to make custom 3D clothing to fit a Skyrim character (a much more difficult and painstaking process), but then realized that the skillset of making 3D model clothes could be applied to real life. And now all I want to do is invent my own weirdly perfect wizard fashion clothes, or even just make custom normal clothes that fit me weirdly perfectly.

anonymous asked:

Hiya! ^^ I would like to request hc's about an MC who is a kpop star or part of a group. I imagine they'd all be super surprised to see them at the party! I hope you both are well, and you don't have to do my ask if you wouldn't like to! Oh sorry, I'm starting to ramble again aren't I? Hahaaaa;;;

A/N: IM SO READY FOR THIS, FUCK ME UP (and dont worry i ramble a lot, I don’t think you were rambling sweetheart <3) ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

           -He’s a big big fan of kpop

           -Follows all the popular groups and stars almost religiously

           -So when you (or Saeyoung) tell the group what your name is, he’s hYPED

           -“YOU SHARE THE SAME NAME AS THE POPULAR ARTIST MC!!!!”

           -You just couldn’t tell him right off the bat that yes, you were that person

           -You decided to surprise him at the party instead!

           -Because nothing is cooler than finding out you’re dating an idol of yours, right???

           -So when he sees you at the party he actually squeals like a little kid because WOW YOU’RE THERE AND YOU’RE AMAZING

           -“YOU KNOW MY S/O HAS THE SAME NAME AS YOU” “Yoosung it is me, I’m MC, I’m your s/o”

           -Poor baby faints right then and there. From then on he’s just always so in awe every time he looks at you. Always telling his friends about you; “Hey did you know i’m dating-” “YES YOOSUNG, YOU’RE DATING MC. THE MC. YES YOU LOVE THEM. YES THEY LOVE YOU. WE GET IT”

*ZEN:

           -Yeah he’s heard all the popular groups and stars

           -Has a ton of respect for them all

           -After all, he is a music man himself musicals are different than pop music though zen

           -He’s also a firm believer of “He can date whoever he wants, famous or not”

           -When he’s down in the dumps and you come over to his house to cheer him up he’s really surprised

           -Why is there a famous star on my doorstep?? What do they want?? Are they here to say bad things about me too? whaT IS HAPPENING

           -You have to quickly calm him down and explain that no, you’re just MC and you’re here to cheer him up

           -He’s so confused and stays like that for a solid hour. He talks to you and he’s excited and all but he just…. cannot process that the MC he’s developed strong feelings for is also the famous star MC

           -You’re waiting for him at his home while he brings back some snacks for the two of you and he bursts through his own front door

           -“HOLY SHIT YOU’RE MC. THE KPOP STAR MC. YOU’RE FAMOUS. YOU UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLES. WAIT A MINUTE-” zen stop yelling, please

*JAEHEE:

           -The moment she knew your name, she was suspicious

           -Isn’t one for blindly believing something

           -So she thought it was merely a coincidence that you shared the name of a famous star

           -Except when she saw you in person at the party

           -She kept asking around to make sure that she was seeing you correctly

           -Not to mention she never remembered anyone mentioning the invitation of a famous kpop star???

           -“Jaehee, it’s me. MC. I helped organize the party, I didn’t realize I had to put myself on the list”

           -You helped whAT

           -Then and there is the moment she realized that your name wasn’t a coincidence and that she had asked planned on asking a famous kpop star to be her partner in opening a coffee shop

           -But she doesn’t treat you any differently, not at all. She just kind of fangirls in silence (until you catch her later at the party)

*JUMIN:

           -“Are you part of that famous group that’s all over the radio all the time?”

           -I guess that’s one way of greeting me, Jumin

           -When he saw you in person it just solidified his assumptions

           -Doesn’t treat you any different than he would have before, because you’re still you

           -You just happen to have a title as well. That doesn’t change who you are inside, ya know, the part he loves

           -But, the fact that you’re famous and you have no body guards concerns him to all hell??

           -That day on you’re surrounded by more body guards than you can even see

           -He actually admits to not hearing any of your work and you just sit there in awe

           -“Jumin do you live under a rock?” “Don’t be ridiculous, I live up here in my penthouse”

           -He actually buys all your albums and anything you’ve ever made later that day. Falls in love with your music and he’s so cute like he wears your merch when the two of you are relaxing at home

*SAEYOUNG:

           -Knew from the background check, there’s no be reveal for you this time MC

           -Though he was REALLY REALLY excited that you’re the famous kpop star because he loves your music

           -Actually seen you live before which makes meeting you 10x more exciting

           -He throws in lyrics to your songs to try and let you know that “hey, mc, i know who you are but im keeping it a secret from everyone else”

           -HYPED AS HELL! The person he fell in love with is also the celebrity he had the biggest crush on

           -But that also scares the hell out of him because of his job??? He’s supposed to be in the shadows??? How would this even work out?

           -Despite it all, he still came to the apartment to protect you

           -You expected a big “wow i can’t believe its you” but instead you just got ignored and you’re just left there kinda like???? dude???

           -But when the two of you head out to Mint Eye headquarters, your music started to blare in his car and he couldn’t turn it down fast enough

           -EMBARRASSED AS ALL HELL, he’s as red as his hair and finally admits that you’re his favourite recording artist and has been for years. Even admits that he’s the owner of your fanclub fucking dORK

*V:

           - can he even see you

           - im sorRY I HAD TO THROW THAT IN JUST FOR 626

           -Really really surprised to see that you’re the famous MC

           -Actually enjoys your music a lot and has photographed you at a few of your shows

           -Never sold the pictures though because those are personal to him what a fanboy

           -He feels TERRIBLE that you got caught up in all of this, he doesn’t think you deserve the trouble at all

           -When he meets you in person, the first thing he does is apologize profusely

           -After a very long time, and the two of you end up together, he didn’t even realize that one day he wore a t-shirt of yours until you pointed it out

           -Immediately starts to stutter and turn bright red. The gig was up so he decided to show you some of those pictures he’s taken as well

           -He’s your favourite photographer at every show from then on and he’s loving the hell out of it <3

*SAERAN:

           -Also knew from the beginning

           -He’s not into kpop, he’s into some harder music, forget that MC

           - somebody’s being a LLLIIIAAAAAARRRRR

           -After a while, when the two of you get close, you catch him listening to a few of your songs

           -You never say anything though because if you catch him, he gets embarrassed and just walks out of the room

           -Hates publicity (or the public population in general, take your pick) so he avoids it at all cost

           -But he does think it’s pretty cool that you’ve created music, like he wishes he could do something like that

           -Protects you from his fanboy of a brother who’s always hanging all over you

           - calm down saeran it’s in an idol-appreciation way

           -Literally does not care if you’re famous or not. He has no more fucks to give. None I tell you, none

anonymous asked:

The andy cohen interview did kind of upset me. So then I spent some time trying to parse through my feelings and separate out why I felt upset. The el and freddie stuff hasn't actually bothered me - it's been fairly low key and I don't believe it so it's easy to brush off. The crazy fan / conspiracy thing feels hurtful to me because it's calling out me for believing a concept that isn't actually crazy at all ( that closets and bearding do exist ). Then I was thinking it's probably very (1/3)

(2/3) different for Louis. Maybe that’s a much easier way for him to deal with the closeting than actually doing flat out denials. I think perspective is very important and ultimately, as you said, his closet is affecting him the most, not me. Another thing that helped me not be upset about it was the realization that the most of the interviewers and Louis don’t actually think that hiring a woman to beard is preposterous - they know closeting exists And also even if other people do think the

(3/3) possibility that Harry and Louis are together and being closeted is crazy I know it isn’t. I’m a smart, logical person and I can see that it isn’t crazy & my opinion is enough for me. Another reason why I was upset is because of the way Louis interacts with his fanbase. He emphasizes that it’s a partnership and we’re in it together, so the relationship feels more personal. As you said I’m sure his actual relationship with fans is more complicated. I always enjoy your perspective on things.

********

Thanks for this ask.  It’s really smart and well thought through.  I’m also grateful because it gives me a chance to expand what I said before.

It is true that I don’t get upset when Louis says that believing Elinor is crazy or anything else he’s said as a denial.  But I understand that other people feel differently.  I don’t think (and hope I didn’t imply) that there is anything wrong with having an emotional reaction to Louis’ denial or any other reaction of fandom. I think fans should honour and respect their reactions, including (probably particularly) negative reactions. 

Louis has every right to negotiate the closet however is best for him and to say whatever it is he needs to say.  And fan have every right to be upset. However, there should be space between our reactions to things and the world.  Just because something is upsetting to one person, or a group of people doesn’t mean that it should stop happening. It is that sense of boundaries and that distance that I think is often lacking in this fandom (not in you anon - you’re great at it - I’m just trying to explain what I think).

This is clearest when it comes to discussion of Louis mentioning Eleanor.  I think the best response of fans not liking hearing Louis mentioning Eleanor would be recommendations of interviews where he didn’t mention Eleanor or people making cuts where his mention was taken out.   Instead we get summaries that greatly exaggerate him mentioning of Eleanor and furious analysis about how this is obviously a terrible business strategy and he needs to stop it right now.

And it’s that lack of boundaries - I don’t like it therefore it must be a terrible business strategy and ruining everything that does my head in in this fandom.  I liked individual songs on Harry’s album, but there are some key decisions which stopped me from connecting to the music.  That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have made the album. I’m glad he made the album he wanted to make.  It doesn’t mean the album did terribly (and there are definitely people who because they don’t like Harry chase up every bit of evidence to present a false picture of him doing terribly).

I’m going to sound like a cross between an annoying group facilitator and an English teacher - but one of the solution is change the subjects of our sentences.  

What is so lovely about your ask is that you are directly talking about your reaction - you use ‘I statements’.  You talk about what you think and feel and how you processed those feelings.  In the aftermath of the denial people weren’t talking about and respecting their own reactions.  People were writing furiously about Louis and Louis’ team all in a way that implied that their (hidden) emotional reaction should affect Louis’ behaviour rather than writing directly about those reactions.

And ultimately I think demanding than fan emotional reaction affect Louis’ behaviour, to me, isn’t compatible with believing Louis is closeted (which I do).  There are some big life events where it’s important that you don’t make other people pay attention to your reaction to their experience - serious illness and trauma.  I believe that the closet is one of those experiences.

Sorry that was just my expanded thoughts - I didn’t want anyone who was upset to think that I thought there was anything wrong with being upset, or that they should disregard their emotional reaction for Louis’ sake. Emotional reactions are a key part of fandom - but fans can experience them and talk about them without demanding anything from 1D members.

*********

To respond more directly to what you say - I think it’s a really important point.  Everything (with one notable exception that I don’t talk about) that we think happened closeting Harry and Louis is common place - an industry norm.  That’s not an assumption of ours - there’s a tonne of evidence for it. To believe in closeting isn’t crazy..

I’m glad you respected your reaction and reaffirmed what you knew.  I think that’s really awesome.  Those are skills that will help your rock this world and recover when the world rocks you. 

anonymous asked:

who do you think is more of a precocious brat, Nicaise or Yuri Plisetsky? (I don't even know why I like them because I DIDN'T at first, but now I understand why people describe this process as 'growing on you. like mold.')

this is a question and a half, anon!

both of these characters are spiky, sensitive, touchy bratlings who have extremely specialised skillsets. I loved them both from within five seconds of meeting them in their canons, and will defend them UNTO DEATH because they’re such interesting characters to watch.

BREAKING IT DOWN:

the tragic thing about nicaise is that his precocity is 100% the prematurely sexualised precocity that you see as a result of sexual abuse in a child. he, like laurent, has developed an awareness of and ability to navigate adult interpersonal intrigue purely as a way of staying alive. damen even comments on the fact that interacting with him is unsettling because he’s a prepubescent boy who communicates like an adult.

whereas I don’t even know that I’d describe yuri plisetsky as precocious because he is, if anything, an emotionally stunted weirdo who doesn’t have very good self-awareness when it comes to anything except what he can make his body do and how to achieve to the utmost in his chosen field. he’s a 15-year-old elite athlete who expresses emotion through shouting and kicking, is derisive and dismissive of people who don’t live up to his own insane standards of ambition, and is stunned into softness by someone making an overt overture of friendship.

anonymous asked:

Hannigram/MurderHusbands for "You smell really nice" (hehe Hannibal at it again :p

My dash has been crying out for bottom!Hannibal all week and I couldn’t resist. Have some porn with feelings!


Will was on his back, nails digging into his palms as Hannibal pinned his wrists to the bed and rode him to a slow and filthy end.

The first time Will had dragged him into bed, Hannibal had been so caught off-guard he’d hardly known what to do with himself. Now he was shameless. He grinded down onto Will’s cock, taking his pleasure as though Will were a toy and not a human being aching for release. Showing off his position of control.

Will was so close he could feel in his stomach, in the back of his throat. His pulse pounded in his ears.

“Enough,” he growled and, with a sharp twist of his hips, flipped Hannibal onto his back.

They struggled for a moment, arms and legs in all the wrong places until Will got to his knees. It was better this way. It always was. There was a special thrill that came with fucking Hannibal into the mattress; leaving him boneless and writhing beneath Will.

He drew his hips back, almost pulling out of Hannibal entirely, and then drove himself back in. The sound of skin on skin echoed in the room.

Hannibal reached for his cock. Will slapped his hand away.

“No,” Will panted. “You were so intent on showing off before, so you can show off now. Show me how you’re so desperate for me you don’t even need a hand on you to get off.”

Hannibal sucked in his breath between his teeth. He gripped Will’s forearms so tightly it ached.

It was impossible to tell who reached their end first. Will felt Hannibal’s release hot and wet on his stomach as he spilled into him. He fell forward, forehead coming to rest on Hannibal’s shoulder while he caught his breath.

Cleanup was quick and perfunctory. Hannibal never let him go far afterwards. No matter how rough and quick things started, they always ended tangled up in each other’s arms.

Hannibal tugged Will down into his arms and nuzzled at his throat. For a long moment they stayed that way, silent except for the pounding of their hearts. Hannibal sighed, soft and content.

“You smell good,” he murmured into the top of Will’s head.

Will huffed out a laugh. “I smell like you.”

“Scent is a vital part of the process of determining attraction and compatibility,” Hannibal said. “Humans unconsciously use scent to select a genetically compatible mate.”

Hannibal drew lazy patterns on Will’s back. Will’s eyes threatened to close at his touch.

Through the haze of his mind, he recalled a dimly lit office and Hannibal’s soft footsteps against hardwood floors. Hannibal had smelled him, like a sommelier before they took a sip of wine.

“Not sure what you were thinking when you picked me. When we met I smelled like night-sweats and dogs and the morgue.”

“Yes,” Hannibal said. His nose was buried in Will’s hair. Will absently wondered if he was going to start sniffing at him like a dog.

“But underlying all of that was a certain sweetness I couldn’t help but be drawn to.”

“Love at first sniff.”

“Something like that,” Hannibal said. Will could hear the smile in his voice.

Hannibal brushed the tip of his nose over Will’s jaw. With it he traced the hollow beneath his ear, the line of his throat. He inhaled deeply and pressed a kiss to Will’s shoulder, and Will clung to him tighter in response.

“Though I must admit,” he murmured, lips brushing Will’s skin with every word and sending goosebumps down his arms. “I much prefer you as you are now.”

Will smiled.

“I think I do too.”


Prompts closed for now, thanks!

anonymous asked:

Langst prompt ☆The team gets hit by Haggars spell which makes them forget how to speak anything but first language (like Galras are smart and know many) so everyone except maybe Hunk and Lance don't know. Hunk stays quiet and withdrawn but Lance is trying to tell them. Nobody knows Spanish or Hawaiian(?) So they get angry thinking lance is just messing around

Thanks for asking, dear anon! I had some fun with this idea (lol I just realized it’s like 10 pages XD) And I hope you like it! I changed a few things, like making the team a bit angry with Hunk as well (since it makes no sense to me why they would only be angry at Lance), but other than that it’s pretty much the same. This happens after Shiro’s gone (and I didn’t make it clear who the Black paladin is so you can decide XD) I tried to make it nice but I’m not quite satisfied, but I hope you are! 



It should have been an ordinary mission.

It was simple really, when you thought about it. Just get in, get the information Pidge needed, and get out. They didn’t expect for Haggar to appear, druids behind her, white hair crackling with what could only be described as ethereal magic as she snarled at the paladins. They didn’t expect to have a confrontation with her so soon.

But in the end, it seems like everyone made it out okay. Haggar had managed to blast them with some sort of spell, the druids cackling behind her as her eyes glowed in the darkness of her hood, but there seemed to be no lasting effects.

Well, none that Coran could find.


“Step out of the pod, please.” Coran asked, pulling up the finished log of data with one hand, the other smoothly pressing the ejection for the pod. Stumbling out, Lance took a moment to glance tiredly at the orange-haired Altean before resuming his earlier position by Hunk.

Keep reading

lucario2012  asked:

So, something that never made much sense to me was how morphing works with age? Like, they're morphing whatever-age animals and that's perfectly fine, mostly. Then you have Ax and Tobias's human forms. Either A: Morphs age over time, in which case the kids should have had to get new bug morphs every few months or so, or B: They don't age, in which case Ax and Tobias's human forms are just perpetually 13-ish while the others go through puberty, which you'd think would be commented on. Thoughts?

Although it’s subtle, and only really comes up in the context of Tobias, I’m pretty sure that the morphs age more the more they’re used.  In the opening of #33 there’s a whole scene where Rachel shows Tobias a bulletin board at their school with information on raptors’ life spans, and both of them seem to assume that that will be how long he’ll live unless he goes human long-term.  It’s not 100% consistent, sure, because then there are questions about whether their morphs are also getting old and dying (especially the bug ones) over the course of the series, but I’m almost certain that Tobias’s hawk form ages three years over the three years of the series and that his human form ages three years.  

There are a couple reasons I think this.  In MM3, Tobias pops up at Princeton University—and promptly morphs human, grabs some books, steals outer clothes, and goes off to class.  That moment is revealing for a couple different reasons.  The first is that Tobias successfully blends in with the student body, and not just (as he notes) because 100% of Princeton students were white males at the time; presumably he’s old enough to pass for 18.  We don’t know how old he is or appears to be at the time, but we know that he started fighting the war at age 13 and ended it at 16—and 16-year-olds can pass for 18 a hell of a lot better than 13-year-olds can, because of a little thing called puberty that tends to happen in the middle.  The other interesting thing about that moment is that Tobias is worrried that the only thing which will give him away is his hair, which has gotten long.  So maybe he just had messy hair in #1 when he got stuck in morph, but it seems more likely that his hair is growing, which again suggests his human shape is aging.  

The other reason I believe that Tobias is probably aging as a human is that throughout the series there are a lot of moments (#29, #35, #44) where he and Rachel go on dates in public together.  (The fact that Jake and Cassie never do this, but only ever seem to spend their time together shoveling manure or doing other chores, also goes on the list of Fascinating Details That Make This Series Feel Real, but I digress.) This is an eeeensy bit of a leap on my part, but the fact that no one ever calls Rachel on being an outward 16-year-old dating an outward 13-year-old (have I mentioned the DRAMATIC difference those three years tend to make in most teens’ appearance?) tends to argue to me that they aren’t visibly different in age.

Tobias’s hawk form is almost certainly aging because he, like Rachel, seems to assume he’s going to die of old age unless he goes permanently human again.  He discusses the fact that he’s effectively shortened his own lifespan in the opening to #43 when he tries to justify his decision to go nothlit to imaginary-Taylor, and in #54 he says, “Marco, you’re not even twenty… I’m old, for a red-tail.”  The horrifying implication that our precious emohawk is probably going to let himself die of old age rather than rejoining human society aside, that suggests that he’s been aging in hawk years this whole time.  

Ax and the question of aging as a human is more ambiguous.  People are less likely to comment on his age, and many of them (#18 and the CinnaBon manager, #33 and the banquet caterers, #35 and the waitstaff) tend to treat Ax as much younger than he is, presumably because he’s so freakin’ clueless about human social norms.  There are several moments (#8, #22, #43, #38) where people ask him where his parents are, whether he’s got someone helping him, and whether he’s starving.  That last one is pretty self-evident given the way he eats everything in sight, but the other two might be because random strangers (like Jake’s parents) tend to think human-Ax is mentally ill… or it might be because Ax’s human morph is not aging, because Tobias’s human morph is the only morph that ages when it’s not actively in use.  

And here’s where I start to venture into the land of Extremely Wild Speculation, where I could be as wrong as Humphrey Belcher and his cheese cauldron (X).  However, my current hypothesis when reading the series is that morphs don’t age unless they’re in use—except for Tobias’s human shape.  As you mentioned, the kids don’t need new bug morphs every month, and Cassie’s wolf shape doesn’t show signs of aging the way most adult wolves would if they lived hard for three years.  There are many mentions of the DNA-acquiring process being a matter of creating a copy of the animal at the time of acquisition, but it’s a possibility that the morphs are developing (which probably totals to AT MOST a couple days’ worth of aging over the entire war), up to and including Ax’s copy of the other kids.  That would explain Tobias’s aging in hawk years after he gets stuck, Cassie’s aging as a caterpillar after she gets stuck, the fact that the kids don’t need new versions of morphs that they only use for a few hours at a time every couple of days… Everything except the fact that Tobias’s hair grows.  

So what if the Ellimist pulled something hinky?  Tobias already isn’t supposed to exist—he’s in a universe where Elfangor never lived on Earth and never knocked up Loren, within another paradox where Loren and Chapman have aged forward and not been killed in space, within another paradox where he acquired his own DNA by traveling back in time, within what is arguably a paradox with Ket Halpek and Jara Hamee finding him through teleportation.  What’s one more impossibility on top of that?  (Of course, I have my own Big Damn Theory that explains that.)  To me, that’s the version of Da Rules that makes the most sense given the evidence we have: morphs don’t age unless they’re in use… except Tobias’s human shape, because Ellimist.  

anonymous asked:

i feel like today was a ; "too rough & i need some fluff"day. So could you maybe do a prompt?? The one where Stiles is colour blind and can't see Derek's Red Alpha eyes. But Derek doesn't know that so that causes sooo many misunderstandings. - just felt like i needed this today

I wrote this as fast as I could for you, nonnie (so I hope it doesn’t entirely suck). But I hope you are still up and awake to read it and that it makes you feel a little better anyway <3 *all the Sterek snuggles* 

“What do you mean I just asked him to marry me?” Stiles hisses, turning away from the seriously pissed looking werewolf.

“Dude, he flashed his eyes at you and you still approached him,” Scott says, eyes wide. “What did you think was going to happen during a pack recruitment ceremony?”

“I thought the point was to make friends!” Stiles yells, unable to help looking back at- Darren? Danny? Because in any other circumstances Stiles would be trying to convince- Darryl?- that letting Stiles climb him like a tree would be the best decision they would both ever make. Ever. “Wait, what do you mean he flashed his eyes? That doesn’t mean anything!”

“It does if he’s an Alpha.”

What.

“But Alphas have red eyes…”

“Yes.”

“But D- uh?”

“Derek,” says the- wow, Stiles really didn’t think it was possible for someone to look that pissed and blush at the same time. It’s kind of adorable, really.

Which. You know. Not helping.

“Right, Derek. Uh, thanks,” he says awkwardly, turning back to Scott. “Derek’s eyes aren’t red!”

“I’m right here you know.”

“Dude,” Scott says again, face serious as he takes hold of Stiles’ arm, turning him completely away from his apparent groom-to-be. Which is probably for the best because even though Stiles is aware he is freaking the fuck out right now, he can’t help but think Derek is kind of perfect. In a Carly Rae Jepsen crazy sort of way, maybe, but still perfect. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if they-

“Look at me and tell me what colour my eyes are,” Scott says.

“What difference is that going to-” Scott’s eyes glow bright, cutting him off, and Stiles gulps.

Oh no.

“They’re a weird…beige colour?”

Scott sighs. “I knew taking that book from Deaton was a bad idea.”

Stiles frowns, realisation dawning on him a second later. Shit. The colour spell from this morning. “It was supposed to enhance my vision, not change it!” he cries. He had taken precautions, goddammit. Sure, it hadn’t been the easiest spell to start with and the book did kind of did state not to perform it alone, but Stiles had been so sure.

Well, fuck.

“Wait, does this mean you really didn’t mean to propose to me?” Derek asks then, his voice suddenly small, nervous.

Keep reading

I don't mean you, I mean the other kind of autistic.

I see that a lot here in tumblr-land whenever someone says, “hey, I’m autistic and I am not like that / don’t like that / take offense to that” in response to a post about “suffering from autism”, poster then turns around and says “I don’t mean you …”

Then they go on to describe ME as “that other kind of autistic”.

“the low-functioning kind, that can’t talk and have meltdowns and suffer so much” (well, I don’t suffer, but they speak as if I do)

You know, the ones that it is safe to insult or ignore because we act really strange so we aren’t really people and our opinions don’t matter (they don’t have to consider our feelings because well duh we can’t have any cause we’re not really people). You know - the “low functioning” kind that can never live alone so are a burden and it’s such a shame that people have to deal with us.
And it’s always backed up by “I have a relative that is one of those and no matter what his parents try they can’t make him be normal so he is really suffering”, or “I teach/take care of that kind and no matter how many times I abuse them they still won’t act how I expect them to”. Of course they don’t call it abuse - to them taking away communication devices, toys, food, and rewards is how you get ‘them’ to do as you say; it’s not abuse, it’s “training”. Except it is abuse to the autistic. That’s why they scream and yell and stamp their feet and do all the other meltdown things. They are trying to tell you that they are being tortured, from their point of view.

You see, most of the “low functioning” autistics they are talking about are not suffering from autism, they are suffering from torture and abuse by parents, teachers, and caregivers. It’s often legal torture and abuse, but it has the same effect as if it weren’t.

The people who say these things are usually the worst abusers. Teachers and parents and relatives that see nothing wrong with locking a child in a closet to teach them how to behave, even though being locked in a closet scares the shit out of the kid so they can’t think and therefore cannot learn anything from the experience.
They see nothing wrong with tying the kid’s hands down so they don’t flap and “look like a retard and embarrass me”, even though that flapping is what is keeping the kid from exploding because they have been thrust into a fast food place during rush hour and all the noise is overwhelming them.
They think nothing is wrong with forcing the kid to be fully dressed at all times even though the touch of cloth is overwhelming the kid’s sensory processing disorder, because “they have to learn to live with it like everyone else”.

Denying Baby a candy that she can see, with no other reason than “it’s almost dinner time”, would be abuse. She has no sense of time, candy is for eating, and things that are in front of her are for her. She will not learn to wait, she can’t because it requires a sense of time to understand. So we don’t put the candy in front of her. The parents/teachers I’m discussing here are the ones that would put the candy out, slap her hand for trying to take a piece, then complain about how much she is suffering from autism when she has a meltdown because they tortured her. Usually they would add how rough life is for them having to deal with it.

Taking me to the mall is abuse. These same parents/teachers are the ones that say “they need social exposure” and force the autistic into social situations in spite of the autistic’s reaction. I cannot and never will be able to handle more than a few people at a time. When I was a little more capable I could go grocery shopping - in the middle of the day in an area where no one else would be shopping at that time. Put me in a place where people are close enough to touch and I will be jumping up and down squealing and waving my arms around as if trying to fly. And no amount of “desensitization” will change that. And it won’t change it for that five year old that the mother is dragging on a leash while he kicks and punches the floor, yelling. You don’t do that. It’s abuse, not “training”.

Anyway, enough ranting for now.

Next time you’re tempted to say “I mean the other, low functioning, kind that suffer from autism” just stop and admit you don’t know what you are talking about.