i don't even at this point

why am i not surprised though that liam mentioned both sophia and cheryl? like its so funny that liam was supposedly heartbroken and in such a bad place when him and sophia broke up that he turns around and knocks up cheryl soon after like im glad liam is kinda speaking up about his mental health even though we aren’t getting the full truth but the way his team is going about it is nasty as hell 

I absolutely hate my nano story, like at this point it is only hate and the desire to rid my life of this trashfire that is driving me to write. Probably not the healthiest motivation, but it seems to be working? not sure what that says about me….

“you don’t get to call yourself gay, you’re bi” but it’s the gay community, gay rights, gay pride parade. when they hit me, it was for being gay. when i look at myself i try to measure the parts of me that fit into the slot; i’m 80% gay even on a straight day. when i kneeled to pray it was begging away the gay part. when i do something wrong, it’s gay. 

when she was dating me, she was terrified of me leaving. “you’ll marry a man,” she said, “you’re bi, none of you are really gay.” when i left her for a man i felt those words like red nails inside me. when another of us commits suicide, a gay boy and i stand outside the funeral and he spits before going inside. “this is because y’all can’t make up your goddamn mind. he couldn’t even decide if he wanted to stay alive”. when i stand and hold hands with a trans boy at a pride rally, someone throws dirt at me. “go home, hetero,” and i feel like it’s better just to leave. “i just feel like shelters shouldn’t let bi people in. they can go to the straight ones. leave the shelter space for a real gay person.” my friend is out on the street at sixteen because she’s bi. in four years, she is dead. “bi people are untrustworthy” “bi people are slutty” “bi people don’t exist” “being bi is a sign of mental illness.”

too gay, i guess, for straight people. but not gay enough to call myself one. not gay enough, even when any other word i use to define myself comes with “slur connotations.” even when they beat me for it. even when i know people who died for it. even when. 

“i don’t know why bi people get upset we don’t make gay rights about them” a sigh, long-suffering, “you guys have no idea what kind of trouble we’re in.”

so keith is probably going to be with the blades during his bday and not w voltron… but instead of thinking about that think about kolivan researching human birthdays and throwing keith the most uncomfortable best party ever

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fandom: OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER GRANTED US WITH, WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE, OMG, I NEED A SEQUEL IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE. WHAT THE. I'M NOT EVEN WORTHY. *kudosrebloglikereccomment*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*

you know what’s sort of fascinating. the word “feelings”. i think about this a lot. about how it comes as sort of a mocking idea, a shadow of reality. oh, did i hurt your feelings? 

men, of course, don’t have these things. these dirty moths that bang around inside of heads, these girly feelings, these gay feelings, these not-cool-bro feelings. men are drinking a beer and watching tv and not traumatized by anything, not even her and her hair like a noose. when they want to crack open and tell their best friend that they are a million mirrors, all reflecting empty: instead they say nothing. they turn angry. angry is not a feeling. angry is a better place to be, the top of the roller coaster. nobody says you’re a fuck up if you’re angry. it’s sort of brave. at the bottom, because you come down, eventually, we all do, you wake up and people ask. what happened to you. is all this because of your feelings?

women, of course, are only these terrible creatures. ruled by it like werewolves. howling and sad and animalistic, chewed up by them. sobbing as a way to escape, because nobody knows how to handle feelings. this make us weak, flimsy, a bed to lie down on but not sleep, you’ll catch feelings. when it is a bad day, when it is a bad life, when we are complaining, it is because of our feelings. this is how we turn mouse-quiet too, learn to mask anger lest it be mistaken for that-time-of-the-month feelings. we cry over our best friend but we don’t cry in a funeral, unsure how to look strong and sensitive, hating ourselves at seven for crying in front of the neighbor, baby feelings, loving ourselves at twenty for holding it in when he sneers oh, does misogyny trigger your feelings? hating ourselves again when we feel a little colored out of the lines, holding our passion in like a breath, quietly sifting crazy feelings that maybe aren’t so crazy to begin with.

feelings. feminine connotations. impolite in proper society. when they ask how you’re feeling, you say “fine.” don’t cry, it will spoil the cake. don’t be so whiny, it won’t happen anyway. don’t feel, it’s not your place.

how to win an argument is easy. “oh, i’m sorry, did i hurt your feelings?” a spat word. a word that drips with venom, a word you shove the plate away with, no thanks i’m not hungry. empty of them. feeling is being in contact with the world, being stroked by it, having things get into skin and lips and behind eyes. strength is the opposite; the unsoft, the untouchable, the ethereal above-ness, no wound can utter the name of you. 

i’m in my feelings. yeah, i have feelings for you. open word. gaping. an already-forming bruise.

7

when you realize that one of the very first things the series establishes about adam is that he’s a very pragmatic and careful and responsible person, but also that he and ronan dragged each other behind a moving car for fun

when you realize that despite their bickering, adam actually relaxes completely around ronan and sometimes even lets himself forget his responsibilities for a little while when they’re together

when you realize that ronan actually brings out adam’s carefree side more frequently than any of the other characters

when you realize that adam’s pov chapters tend to be calmer and more focused on the present when ronan is there with him

when you realize that ronan was making adam quiet all along

Where I am it’s the first of April already! Which means iwaoi day, between the various things, so here, the traditional iwaoi day doodle for you all  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

10

“I’m sorry, I can’t look at you darling. I’m gonna get lost in your eyes…”

8

Female Awesome Meme - [7/10] females in a movie: Jyn Erso; “What chance do we have? The question is “what choice.” Run, hide, plead for mercy, scatter your forces. You give way to an enemy this evil with this much power and you condemn the galaxy to an eternity of submission. The time to fight is now! ”