Sitting on the bed, scrolling through twitter, you were starting to become more and more anxious as you waited for Luke to come back to the hotel.
The boys had just finished performing at one of the awards shows in LA, and were supposed to be on their way back. Luke hadn’t texted you yet, making you think maybe his phone died, but then you got a notification from twitter.
He had tweeted the fans, thanking them for winning the band best new artist. Confused, you texted him again, still getting no response.
Sighing, you went back to scrolling through twitter, letting your mind wander.
You had been with Luke for almost 8 months now, and honestly your relationship had been one of the best things that ever happened to you. The boys had become like a second family and all the crew members adored you, always glad to have you around.
It almost would have seemed completely perfect.
The only real problem was he didn’t want to tell the fans, friends or his family. He always said he was waiting for the right time.
At first it didn’t really matter to you, you understood.
Or at least you thought you understood.
Over the 8 months you had been together with him, you had to be extra careful on everything you did. You weren’t aloud to go with him to award shows, couldn’t go out in public with him, never even once got to say a word to friends or family about your relationship.
Now that you think about it, it was like you didn’t exist in his real world.
No one knew except for the boys and crew.
But you hadn’t cared.
You wanted Luke to be able to trust you, so you agreed to wait. Even though it meant taking separate flights, pretending to be a part of the crew when his friends of family came over and acting like you were single to anyone who asked.
You did everything you were told, just to make Luke happy.
All up until tonight.
The boys were supposed to have been back at the hotel by 9 but now it was a little past 2 in the morning.
You had called Luke a bunch of times, worried maybe something bad had happened. When he didn’t bother answering, you called their security guard dave.
He answered right away, making your heart drop a little.
You could hear Luke’s laugh in the background, followed by another girls giggle.
Asking Dave if everything was alright, he sounded confused answering you.
“Of course, didn’t Luke tell you what was going on?”
When you didn’t answer, Dave took that as a no and sighed.
“Sweetheart everything is fine, the boys just wanted to go out to celebrate. I thought he had told you. Don’t worry we’re on are way back right now.
Muttering a soft “Thanks”, you hung up, feeling rejected.
Why didn’t Luke just tell you?
It wouldn’t be the first time he went out.
But it would be the first time you heard another girl in the background.
Feeling like crap, you turned off the light, just wanting to go to sleep.
You almost would have too if Luke hadn’t come stumbling into the room 40 minutes later, obviously drunk.
“Baaaaaabe wake upppppppp”
Feeling his lanky fingers poking your cheek, you shifted to turn on the lamp, completely annoyed with him.
“What” you asked, completely pissed.
“Lets cuddle” He giggled, trying to pull you towards him.
Smelling the alcohol as he talked made you want to puke.
“No, you’re drunk. I know what you expect cuddling to turn into. Not this time Luke”
You pushed him away a little harsher than you intended, causing him to fall off the bed.
God he was so wasted.
Shaking your head you heard him groaning.
“What the fuck, what is your deal? jesus i should have just gone back to Calum’s room with the girls”
You felt your heart stop.
Did he really just say that?
He got up off the floor, throwing himself onto the bed, making himself comfortable, completely oblivious to what he just said.
Feeling yourself wanting to cry, you got up and walked out to the living room portion of the hotel.
Pulling the blanket off the top of the couch, you laid down, feeling yourself tear up.
He was drunk, you had to remember that.
But then again people always said those who are drunk were always more truthful.
Shaking your head you hide your face into the cushion, trying to will yourself to just fall asleep.
It took a few hours before you were able to settle enough to fall asleep, but you eventually did.
Then what felt like a few minutes later, you felt something shaking your shoulder.
Letting your eyes flutter open, trying to adjust to the newly sunlit room, you finally made out Luke’s concerned stare.
“Hey, morning sleepy head. What are you doing asleep on the couch?”
He didn’t remember.
Feeling the tears start to make their way back, you shook your head, getting up to walk to one of the bathrooms.
“Babe, hey wait, hey”
Ignoring his calls, you felt him right on your heals, trying to get you to look at him.
Pulling your wrist from him grasp, you slammed the bathroom door shut I’m his face, making sure to lock it.
He tried to wiggle it open but it wasn’t going to budge.
“Babe what the fuck is going on? would you talk to me?”
“Luke just go away”
“What? No! Not until you tell me why you were sleeping on the couch and why you're ignoring me.”
Not even bothering to acknowledge his question, you turned on the shower, hoping he would get the hint to just leave.
And he did.
You heard him mutter “Fuck” followed by the sound of his footsteps walking away.
Pulling of your clothes, you slipped into the shower, trying to relax.
But you couldn’t.
After 8 months of being silent, you couldn’t do it anymore.
Once you were finished, you wrapped a towel around yourself, not wanting to have to do what you knew was about to come next.
Slowly opening the door, you looked to see if Luke was in the room.
Letting out a little sigh of relief, you stepped out, getting dressed for the day.
Walking out to the living room, you heard Luke on the phone with one of the boys.
“I don't know, something wrong with her. She’s acting really strange. It’s whatever though, Im sure its nothing”
Hearing his words, sparked something in you.
He thought what was wrong with you, was nothing?
Did he really think that little of you?
No, you were not going to let him walk out of this okay.
No more keeping him happy.
It was time to do something to make you happy.
Even if it meant feeling broken for a while.
Stepping out in front of Luke, you crossed your arms, trying to seem strong.
Glancing up at you, he quickly hung up with whoever it was, waiting for you to say something.
“We need to talk”
You saw him clench his jaw, looking down.
“Well yea i can see that. That’s what I’ve been trying to do all morning but you wouldn't talk.”
Rolling your eyes, you looked away from him.
Well this was obviously going to end in a fight.
Something you both never did.
Even if you weren’t ready to have your first fight with Luke, he wasn’t going to give you any other option.
“Why didn't you tell me you were going out last night with the boys”
Laughing, he looked at you like you were crazy.
“Is that seriously what this is about?”
Rolling his eyes, he shook his head, still laughing.
“Babe, i didnt think it was a big deal. I always go out with the boys. I figured you wouldn’t care”
Growing extremely frustrated, you made a face at him.
“I don't care if you do Luke, its the whole principle of you leaving me here in a city where i know absolutely no one, while you go out to party. You told me you were going to be back at a certain time. When i didn't hear anything from you, i thought something bad happened. I was so worried that i had to call dave, just to make sure you weren’t dead or something! And then to hear that you were perfectly fine, with other girls for the matter, it pissed me off. Is it really so hard just to tell me where you’re going to be so i don’t worry?”
Standing up from the couch, he was starting to match your anger.
“So what you’re saying is I’m not allowed to go out and do things without your permission?”
“What? No thats not what I’m saying! If we were back home, i wouldn’t care! But the fact is we are somewhere were anything can happen! All ask is for you to just let me know so I’m not worrying about you! But apparently i didn't have anything to worry about since you were having a grand time with other girls!”
“Jesus so that’s what this is really about! You’re jealous i got to party with other girls!”
Staring at him, you started to feel hot tears fall.
“You’re right Luke. I am jealous. Im so jealous that my boyfriend would rather go out with other girls than take his own fucking girlfriend. I saw the pictures Luke, you obviously have no problem showing off girls who are 10 times prettier than ill ever be.”
Shaking his head, he tried walking towards you but you just back away.
You couldn’t let him brush this off.
He tried again, attempting to grab your hands, but you just pulled back.
You watched hurt flash across his face, followed by annoyance.
“Jesus, you know why i don’t take you out. Its not the right time-”
Cutting him off, you finally let everything out.
“You know what Luke, I’m starting to wonder if theres ever going to be a right time. You obviously have no problem showing off beautiful girls to the world. You didn’t care when the paparazzi were taking pictures of them getting into your cab with the boys. You knew perfectly well the whole world was going to see. But you didn't care. Iif it was me, you would have made sure i was miles away before you let them take pictures. ”
You saw him open his mouth to fight back, but you didn’t let him. You kept on talking.
“Are you ashamed of me? Is that what it is? Because if so, tell me right now. I will happily jump on the next flight back home so you can go out and find someone who does matter to you.”
As soon as you finish your sentence, you saw his face completely fall.
“What.. No… Baby girl never… Please tell me you don't really believe that?”
Not answering him, you looked away.
Again he tried to rush towards you but you were too hurt. For the first time, you didn’t want to feel his touch. You didn’t feel worthy enough of it.
You walked away, putting a good amount of distance between you and him.
You saw tears start to form in his eyes.
“Do you honestly think i would ever want anyone else then you?”
“Well considering the way you want to hide me from whole the whole world, it seems like it”
Angrily shaking his head, he couldn’t believe you.
“I can’t believe you’re so insecure. Maybe i should just find someone else to date. I thought you understood but i guess not"
Fully crying now, you were done.
“You’re right Luke, i don't understand. I don't understand why you want to keep me as your dirty little secret. Im done.”
Before you could give Luke a chance to say anything, you turned around, walking right out the hotel door.
Walking fast, you made it to the elevator, slightly hoping he would come out and stop you.
But he never did.
Getting into the elevator, you didn’t know where to go.
There was no one in town you knew.
This was really it.
You thought you were prepared to let him go, but you weren’t.
Sobbing, you put the hood of your jacket up, shielding your face from the fans wanting outside.
Walking away form the hotel, you felt your whole world crashing down.
Letting the sidewalk take you somewhere, you felt empty.
-I discovered the song Centuries by Fall Out Boy and thought I was emo
-Obsessed with Maroon 5 and Tove Lo
-I've had s Google+ for 4 years now and around this time I started making some friends
-I went to Texas to my cousin's house and tried to act cool and mature but all that flew out the window when we pulled an all-niter and discussed our deepest secrets
-I had a crush on my cousin's 17 year old brother (basically my other cousin I know gross ew all that shit)
-My cousin who is a month and 3 days older than me became my best friend and bae (bae as in friends of course)
-She introduced me to ACTUAL Fall Out Boy and now I'm trash
-I had and still have a coffee addiction and she'd never had any so she tried her first cup after our all niter
-I wasn't allowed to have an Instagram but she convinced my dad to let me make one
-I went back home with the rest of my family
-For a period of 2 months I always had my earbuds in and never talked to anyone. I just had music on 24/7
-I broke my first pair of earbuds ever
-I discovered Connor Franta and then got sucked into the hole of YouTube with iiSuperwomanii and a bunch of insignificant YouTubers later... Dan and Phil came into my life and I've never been such trash for anything
-I went to school and I was surprisingly not the quiet girl in the back anymore. I honestly was too busy being trash for bands and Phan to care anymore. (I Don't Care by Fall Out Boy ayyy)
-I actually made a lot of good friends
-I made a Tumblr and Twitter
-I discovered Melanie Martinez and Halsey and Troye Sivan
-I had my first relationship
-I realized I was bi
-I had my first break up
-I went to Hot Topic a lot
-I felt strong self loathing and thought everyone hated me for 4 days
-That brings us back to today. I'm Shane Dawson trash.
2015 was a hell of a ride omg. I think it's the best year of my life so far.
Ereri - "You always get what you want, and you don't even try." (Courtney Barnett: Nobody Really Cares If You Don't Go To The Party)
More great songs that deserve to go in a playlist~
“It’s not fair,” Petra said. She looked from Levi to the guy he’d been eyeing—and being eyed by—and back. “Someone catches your interest once every blue moon, and whenever they do, they’re totally and obviously available to you. It’s disgusting. Do you know how often I strike out?”
Levi stopped his glance-off with the boy across the bar. He looked at Petra. She was the queen of falling for unavailable people, or people who happened to not be into women. It was her personal cross to bear, and he wasn’t sure what he was meant to do about it.
“Maybe you should plan better,” he suggested.
She glowered. “Yeah, sure, I’ll just plan to go to a bar with only eligible mates.”
Levi laughed. He stole another glance across the bar—yep, definitely who he thought it was, and gorgeous—and decided to lift Petra’s spirits. “Well, in this one instance, we’re united. That boy is off-limits.”
Petra’s brows rose, and she peered at off-limits-boy. “What? Just because he’s—” she paused, moving back and forth on her seat to see better “—ten years younger than you? Worse age differences have happened.”
“Because he used to be a student in a class I taught,” Levi said. He sighed down at the bar, putting the flash of attraction he’d felt before recognition hit from his mind. “You don’t sleep with former students.”
Petra was quiet for a moment. Then: “You’ll have to tell him that. Looks like he’s coming over.”