Jared’s still asleep when he holds me, while all I
can see is the sunrise through the window. I’ve been awake for at least an
hour, but I didn’t move an inch, so I wouldn’t accidentally wake him up.
“Are you hungry?” I hear Jared’s voice
coming from my back, I roll on the bed to face him.
I receive a smile and little kiss on the forehead
before being left alone in the bed. I’ve wanted to get up from the bed for the
past hour and now that I have to do it, the bed starts to feel way more
“Come on, lazy pants, I’m not gonna cook all
“Stop calling me that, I don’t even use those
things” I yawn.
“I’ll do it when I please, now get up, I’m too
hungry to wait for you”
I stretch my whole body before getting up. Jared is
already dressed by the time I start putting my underwear on, and disappears
from the room in a second.
He must be really hungry.
When I’m finally dressed, I walk downstairs to find
him in front of the stove, already preparing pancakes.
“If you want something else, the kitchen is
“Want some toasts?” I ask him, walking
“No, I’m fine. A smoothie would be nice”
“A smoothie will be”
The whole scene looks out of a movie. The perfect
couple, sharing breakfast after a whole night of fun.
But it wasn’t like that.
Jared wasn’t my boyfriend, nor I wanted him to be.
We’ve been having this sort of ‘Friends with benefits’ thing for the past year.
Whenever I wasn’t working and I want to have some fun, I call Jared and he’s at
my door in just a few minutes. The same happens when he comes back home from
tour, I receive a call, and if I’m not busy, I come to his house.
No strings, no drama.
I leave the smoothie next to him, and sit in one of
the kitchen stools. The image of Jared shirtless, while flipping pancakes,
looks really appealing, and an impulse of jumping through the island to grab
him and make him mine, starts to grow in me. But I’m actually pretty hungry, so
I just sit in my stool watching him cook.
“What did you put in this?” He asks me,
after giving a little sip to the smoothie.
“Oh, just a little bit of this and a little
bit of that” I shrug, “I’m not gonna give you my secret recipe, lazy
“Hey! Don’t mess with my skirts!” Jared
shouts, throwing me a cold pancake.
“Don’t mess with the food, Jared, or I will
have to punish you” I threaten him, standing from the stool, getting
closer to him, “You know how precious is food to me”
“Oh, I know” He mumbles, cornering me
against the island.
His hands take me from the hips to pull up, and sit
me in the island, the next thing I know, is that his lips are playing with
mine. I know where this is going, and I can’t manage to stop myself, all I can
do is start playing with his hair, pulling it, running my fingers through it. I
slip my hands to his chest, leaving small nail marks on my way down to his
“I’m hungry” He mutters between kisses.
“You started it, now finish”
“No, there’s something I need to tell
Jared moves away from me and helps me get off the
island. He looks serious, but doesn’t look at me again, and just starts putting
pancakes in two plates.
“Is everything alright?” I ask him,
returning to my stool.
“Yeah, is nothing too serious” He answers
placing one of the plates in front of me, “I just… Well…”
“You found a girlfriend?” I interrupt
him, starting to pour syrup on my plate, “You know I’m ok with that, we
already talked about this, you have the right to have an official girlfriend.
You know I’m not gonna get in the middle”
“It’s not that,” He sighs, a bit
exasperated because of my interruption, “There’s no girlfriend, and if
there was any, I’m pretty sure TMZ would have told everybody by now”
“Then, what is it? Are you sick?”
“Just… Stop guessing and listen to me”
He mumbles, starting to run his fingers through his hair, I leave the breakfast
aside, and cross my arms on the table, waiting for him to start talking.
“Ok, I’m listening”
Jared sighs, now using both his hands to play with
“I love you” He finally mutters.
“I love you too” I laugh, after a few
seconds, “What’s new about that?”
“No, you don’t get it. I love you”
I stare at him for a couple of seconds, realizing
how nervous he looks, his hands shaking and his eyes blinded by… fear?
“Oh” is the only thing I’m able to say.
I keep staring at his eyes, those blue pearls that
caught my attention ever since I laid my eyes on him.
“I thought we said…”
“I know, no feelings. At first, it worked for
me, but now…”
“Don’t say it again” I ask him, standing
from the stool, “Please, don’t”
“I love you” He mutters again, “And
I know you have feelings for me too, I can feel it”
“I don’t feel the same as you, Jared. When we
started this… Thing, I told you, I don’t want a relationship”
“God, I know!” He shouts, and I can feel
his desperation, “But we’ve been together for a year, I know we can make
“It was just sex” I start muttering to
myself, “This wasn’t supposed to happen”
Jared comes closer to me, standing by my side
deciding what to do next. I feel his hand starting to hold mine, his fingers
slipping on my palm to interlock them with mine.
“I notice the way you look at me, it’s not
just desire, you want me, and not in the same way as you used to”
“It was just sex” I repeat, this time looking
at him, “And I can’t give you anything more than that, Jared”
“Of course you can” He whispers, his free
hand starting to caress my cheek, “I’m not like those guys you’ve talked
about, I’ve proven that already”
“That’s what you think, but once I give my
heart to you… it’ll be all the same” I get away from his hands, “I
can’t do this, Jared, I’m sorry”
I leave him alone in the kitchen to walk upstairs,
my clothes is scattered all over the floor. I collect my belongings, and lock
myself in the bathroom to get dressed. All I can think about is Jared telling
me he loves me, and all I want to do is just run away from here. There’s a
reason why I wanted this to be just sex between us, and he agreed to this. Now,
he has feelings for me, and I’m not sure how to behave around him.
When I’m ready, I leave the bathroom to walk
downstairs. Jared is still in the kitchen, sitting on my stool just playing
with the pancakes on his plate. I just walk to the front door to pick up my bag
and coat. I’m ready to leave the house, but something inside me tells me that I
won’t forgive myself if I just leave Jared alone. So I walk back to the kitchen
and place myself next to him. Jared looks devastated and I can’t help but grab
his face and kiss him way more desperately than I had expected.
“I’m really sorry” I whisper, resting my
forehead on his, “I hope you can forgive me”
“You know I will” Jared mutters, before
reaching my lips to kiss me again.
It was just sex, I keep repeating myself on my way
to the door, but deep down inside me, I knew what those tiny sparkles meant,
the ones that covered my whole body every time he touched me.
You gave me more to live for More than you’ll ever know This is our last embrace Must I dream and always see your face Kiss me, please kiss me But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation You know it makes me so angry ‘cause I know that in time I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.