i don't actually know what i'm doing with this concentration i'm just trying to make it look interesting

anonymous asked:

hey! would you mind explaining the difference between special interests and 'regular' interests?(i'm sorry if this isn't the right terminology) i'm not autistic, or at least i've never been diagnosed, but from what i've managed to find online, it seems like what i've been experiencing my entire life would fall into the special interest category and it honestly felt amazingly comforting when i discovered there's a term for that, but like i said, i'm not autistic and i don't want to appropriate

this is a really complicated thing to try and explain (and its also kind of a controversial topic)(because people always argue that SI’s can apply to anyone)(i disagree)(the things we feel and the way we feel about SI’s are inherently different to usual/NT interests literally because we’re autistic yknow) + i have alexithymia so im useless at trying to explain feeling stuff and SI’s are a huge feeling so i dont even know how to explain

****ALSO immediate disclaimer: i can only speak from my own experience and if any other autistic people disagree then please feel free to comment or correct

i dont know if theres a way to put it into words ?? a special interest is intense and consuming and its energising and it brings about all-encompassing positive feelings and its like a huge warm blanket but its not the same as a usual/NT interest because its not like (for example) “yeah im a big fan of (interest). i smile when i see it and like to read about it sometimes.” and its also not the same as “im totally in love with this (interest) it makes me so unbelievably happy and i find it very comforting”

its like (special interest) is everything and im going to read as much as i physically can and look at as much as i can because (special interest) makes me feel ok for once. absorbing myself in (special interest) allows me to breathe a little easier for a short while. when im tired reading about (special interest) helps to give me energy and thinking about it helps me feel less suffocated during bouts of overload. absorbing myself in (special interest) helps me to feel like im slowly healing through episodes of burn out. in times of great stress and upset i can use (special interest) as a sort of mental-defense, and i can concentrate and think about it and separate myself slightly from whats happening around me until i can get myself somewhere safe. (special interest) has become part of my identity because it means so much and feels so important that i literally cannot separate myself from the interest and i recognise myself in it when i see it. sometimes i get so absorbed in (special interest) that i lose track of hours and sometimes even days accidentally. (special interest) bring about a special type of (autistic) happiness and satisfaction that i cant find anywhere else.

(and so on and so on)(that still doesnt feel like enough)(SI’s are so much and i dont know how to adequately put it into words)

i really dont know honestly i hope this is somewhat helpful or something

sidenote: a copy + pasted post (link):

FROM AN AUTISTIC KID TO ALLISTICS

tser:

jestrotheevil:

please stop calling your interests that mean a lot to you your “special interests”. special interest is a term for people on the autism spectrum, not for you guys to throw around like it means nothing. having special interests means the world to so many autistic people (especially young autistics) and seeing the term used loosely by allistics is kind of infuriating.

Also, special interests are pathologised as a symptom of autism, and using the term is a reclamation by actually autistic people. In the medical community, autistics having a special interest is considered a problem, therapies are aimed at forcing autistics to give them up, and they are forbidden to speak about them – even when it’s totally normal for allistics to have driving hobbies and interests.

For allistics who have ADHD and similar disorders, “hyperfocus” is a common term.

If you’re neurotypical, just say “hobby” or “passion” or “fandom” or something like that.

****if any other autistic people want to reblog + comment or contribute opinions or ideas or how SI’s feel to them then please please do !! this was such a struggle for me to try and word and i have no idea if it makes sense or anything

Kiss Me - Nash Grier/ Cameron Dallas - 2.2

Prologue - 2.1

Laura’s POV

I wet my hair and moved out of the way for Cameron to do the same. I grabbed some shampoo and put it in my hair. I looked at Cameron to see his eyes beginning to trail down my body. I lifted Cameron’s chin and squinted my eyes.

“Eye contact,” I said lightly smiling as I motioned my pointer finger and my middle finger between our eyes. Cameron chuckled as he put his hand up in defense. I washed out the shampoo and grabbed the loofa as Cameron washed his hair out.

“Get my back?” Cameron asked turning around for me to scrub the soap on his back. I covered my mouth gasping at the sight of his back. “What?” Cameron asked furrowing his eyebrows.

“Your back,” I said laughing now. “It’s all scratched up,” I said taking my hand away from my mouth and running it down some of the scratches.

“We should go to the beach,” Cameron smirked. “Everyone would see them,” he said laughing as he wrapped his arms around me.

“Oh god no! Please don’t,” I said my eyes widening.

“You know Nash wanted to go to the beach, we could go,” Cameron said.

“No! Nash would see them! That’s so embarrassing!” I said now yelling, freaking out at the thought of Nash seeing.

“Laura,” Cameron laughed lifting my chin. “I’m just kidding.”

“Don’t play like that,” I pouted lightly slapping his chest.

Cameron pecked my lips laughing. “Alright, get my back,” Cameron said turning around.

We were now lying in my bed watching TV. We were watching reruns of Teen Wolf.

“Which ones your favorite?” I asked Cameron.

“Styles,” Cameron said unsure. I nodded my head smiling. “You?” Cameron asked nudging my side.

“Well, I would have said Styles. I can’t now, so the twins,” I said shrugging.

“Why because you think he’s hot?” Cameron asked rolling his eyes.

“No,” I laughed. “I mean, they have a nice body, but they’re not that cute. I like them because they’re cool. I mean, they can connect and make one big werewolf, why wouldn’t you like that?” I shrugged.

“So you don’t like them for their looks?” Cameron asked.

“Looks aren’t everything,” I sighed. “Like Carter,” I said turning in Cameron’s arms to fully look at him.

“What about Carter?” Cameron asked.

“He’s cute, but he treats girls in a way that they shouldn’t be treated. I wouldn’t date him,” I said.

“Who else?” Cameron asked.

“I don’t know,” I said trying to think of someone. “Taylor Caniff?” I said unsure if that was his name. “He seems like such an asshole. I don’t do assholes. Well, I don’t do relationships in general,” I shrugged. “Moral of all of this is I choose based on attitude,” I said.

“You don’t do relationships?” Cameron asked.

“Well yeah, I’ve never had an actual boyfriend,” I said. Cameron nodded his head. “I’ll be back,” I said wiggling out of Cameron’s grip. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a couple bags of chips and some pringles. I walked back up to my room and set them on the bed. I walked over to my closet, taking two Arizona’s out of my mini fridge. I sat down on the bed, giving Cameron his Arizona.

“Thanks,” Cameron smiled. I sat criss cross facing the tv. About ten minutes had passed by of me watching tv sitting down criss cross and eating, when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see Cameron’s tweet.

’@camerondallas: @Laura_ I guess the TV is more interesting than me pic.twitter.com/67gnFg57’

It was a picture of me concentrated on the show. I smiled, scrunching my nose as I turned around to look at Cameron. I looked at the picture again and realized that I’m wearing Cameron’s shirt.

“Cameron I’m wearing your shirt,” I said looking up from my phone.

“So what?” Cameron shrugged.

“Your fans will kill me!” I yelled panicking.

“I’m not deleting it,” Cameron said seriously.

“Please Cam!” I whined grabbing his hand and shaking his whole arm. “I don’t want death threats,” I pouted.

“Babe, they won’t do anything like that,” Cameron sighed. I furrowed my eyebrows and cocked my head to the side. “What?” Cameron asked.

“Babe?” I asked a small smile taking over my face.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Cameron started.

“Cameron, it’s fine,” I laughed. “But,” I sighed getting closer to his face. “Can you please delete that tweet,” I pouted.

“It’s already been on there long enough for thousands of people to save it and talk about it,” Cameron said putting his hand on my cheek and stroking it with his thumb. I sighed looking down.

“Cameron, that hate is going to hurt so bad,” I sighed looking up into his eyes.

“I can tweet something out, most of them usually stop,” Cameron suggested.

“What if that doesn’t work?” I asked.

“There’s always those people that give hate no matter what. You will get hate with or without me. That’s the consequence of this lifestyle. You just need to learn to ignore it,” Cameron said stroking my cheekbone. I nodded my head.

“Can you send out that tweet?” I asked.

“Of course,” Cameron said outlining my bottom lip before pecking it and going on his phone. A few seconds later, I got a notification on my phone.

’@camerondallas: I’m sure a lot of you are upset about the pictures of @Laura_ and I. I would like to ask you to be a decent person and not send her any hate.’

’@camerondallas: @Laura_ is in my life. Whether you like it or not, she will be in it. There will most likely be more pictures of us on social media…’

’@camerondallas: if you don’t like that, unfollow me. So I’m asking nicely please don’t send her hate.’

Cameron started looking through his timeline before tweeting again.

‘@camerondallas: if I see any hate directed towards her on my timeline, I will unfollow you. She does not deserve the hate that you are giving and you don’t deserve my follow’

I got a notification from Nash.

’@Nashgrier: Wait, what. Why would you guys send @Laura_ hate? Laura is the last person that should get any hate. She’s so nice and you don’t even know her’

’@Laura_: @Nashgrier thank you! You should be going down with Cam and I!’

I tweeted back referring to Kat and Nash.

’@Nashgrier: @Laura_ @camerondallas @KatStratford Soon ;)’

I squealed out loud and Cameron laughed.

“He tagged her,” I said smiling wide.

’@Laura_: @Nashgrier you don’t understand how happy that made me!’ This whole time, I didn’t dare to look at my mentions. They were most likely full of hate. I sighed locking my phone and turning to face Cameron.

“I’m just favoriting some supporting tweets. How about after we take a nap? It’s been a crazy day,” Cameron laughed.

“Let’s see, today consisted of jealousy, meeting your mom, sex, showering together, and twitter drama,” I sighed. “Yeah, let’s take a nap,” I laughed. Cameron smiling at me before going on his phone. I watched what Cameron did on twitter for a while. He clicked the tweet button and began typing.

’@camerondallas: Well, Laura and I are going to take a nap. It’s been a long day. I love you guys’

“Nap time,” Cameron smiled, locking his phone. He turned to face me fully. “This is more comfortable,” Cameron said turning me around. He pulled me close, so my back was to his front. He wrapped his arm over me, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. His other arm wrapped under my body and around my waist, keeping me close. I smiled to myself before closing my eyes and falling asleep.