i do these a lot more than i should

I’m going to admit…this stung - way more than it should have. I’ll tell you why.

Using profanity is an emotional response, literally your first and most visceral reaction (like mine.) He didn’t. It was calm and measured.

He zeroed in on an insecurity a lot of trans women have. If he had said I was fat, I could easily laugh that off because I’m not even close to being overweight, and even if I was, I could do something about it. But an Adam’s apple? It doesn’t matter how long you’re on HRT - it can only be reduced by surgery, which at this point in time is out of my reach.

The worst part? I had to think about what he was referring to (part of my intro is along the lines of “If you can’t tell by my user name, I’m a transgender woman…”) 

Thinking about it let it get inside my head. It made me think of all my other features I’m overly self-conscious about. Changes that are (like I already said) out of my reach right now because surgeries are expensive. On top of that, some things, like hip shape, become permanent during puberty and can’t be changed. Period. 

Ruminating further brings me to conclude just how absurd guys can be. Think about it - You’re a dude checking out profiles on a dating app. The first things you see are the main pic and match percentage. You have to click on it to actually read their profile. What makes people click on a certain profile? 

“I find this person conventionally attractive and they’re in the same area as I am.” 

(Not in so many words, but you get the point.) *Clicks link, reads part of intro*

“Oh no!  A complete stranger that I thought was attractive 2 seconds ago was born with the same genitals as I was! But…but…I’m a straight MAN! I like vagina and this person wasn’t born with one! I can’t find them attractive - I’m not gay!” 

Maybe a bit over dramatic, but being ridiculous makes it easier to process. For guys like this, gender = whatever genitals you had at birth, neo-vaginas don’t count. Taking that and the deeply ingrained idea that being gay is wrong and somehow a threat to their masculinity they then have to reassert. 

So, they gotta knock you down a peg. Can’t have you getting too proud of yourself. 

Whatever. I’m just over here…continuing to exist and shit.

this year I think I really absorbed the true meaning of “the only thing we know for sure is that we know nothing” or whatever that quote is rather than just accepting it as some wise truth. like I really feel it & deeply understand it and it’s made some things a lot more peaceful but at the same time I’m screaming!! because what is the meaning of life??? you know…I’m overwhelmed and very stressed ! the Stars™ say since my brain is so active and that’s why I have trouble relaxing/sleeping that I should make sure my home is a truly restful place but I can’t Do It! no shia labeouf meme is gonna help

Hello friends!

Welcome to the weekly ichiruki drabble theme for Deathberry Prompts!

Each week, I will post a prompt (usually a word, or a short phrase, or an emotion) and then it’s up to you!

Write a drabble based on the theme presented and I’ll share it with all our followers.

Normally, a drabble is 100 words exactly - but you should take that as a guideline, more than an actual rule. If the prompt speaks to you and you write something a lot longer? That’s awesome! If you get yourself down to exactly 100 words? That’s also awesome!

Once you’ve written your drabble, post it on your blog and make sure you do the following:

  • Mention @deathberryprompts
  • Tag #deathberryprompts and #deathberry100 within the first 5 tags

I’ll roll up all the offerings into a rec post each week as well as reblogging them throughout the week.

This week’s prompt is:


Happy Ficcing!

-  @sequencefairy

somewhere-oboe-the-rainbow  asked:

So I've been playing oboe for about 3 years and english horn for about 4 months (I started band on tenor sax) and I recently acquired a flute. Do you have any tips for an aspiring male flautist? I just want to learn as a side project while continuing on oboe, but I'd love to learn how to play the flute!

first off, you’re gonna have to get used to using A LOT more air than oboe requires. flutes have pretty much no resistance so you need more support to get a note out, and even more in order to play different dynamic levels. the fingering systems aren’t super different from what i heard, so you should be fine in that regard. and if anyone tells you that the flute is “a girl’s instrument” please let me know so i can hunt them down and fight them

anonymous asked:

Sorry, I wasn't trying to use China as an argument against communism/I wasn't being sarcastic - just, what else would scaled up, national power anti-capitalism look like? I feel like the suggestion implies a return to USSR & China's strategies, and if not it's maybe worthwhile to talk about how it differs.

no need to apologise :) i think we need national scale power, as in an ability to combat capitalism on the scale of nation-statehood. I am deeply deeply critical of national power as in, the use of nation statehood, because I think nation states generally suck. I’m still getting my thoughts together about what we should do, rather than what we shouldn’t do, though. thanks for your question though! i have a lot more thinkin to do

anonymous asked:

Please help! I am very low in lysine. I was tested after getting cold sores every month. I eat only whole starch, low fat, I'm active, eat 2000+ cals/day &don't know what to do. I rely on oats, rice and other grains for a lot of my meals. Beans have lysine but i try not to eat more than 1 cup/day. Doc said if i'm going to eat these high arginine foods I should counter with high lysine foods like dairy/meat. Ugh. Any tips or literature on this? It sucks but I've felt worse since becoming vegan :(


“There is no scientific evidence for the use of essential oils, plant extracts, zinc, and L-lysine, and they have no place in the management of herpes.”

Go see a Dr who can give you evidenced based advice. There is a new therapy coming out you might be able to sign up as part of a trial for, ask your Dr. http://www.sj-r.com/news/20161022/scientist-with-ties-to-siu-reports-positive-results-for-genital-herpes-vaccine


The next song is a song called “Guns for Hands” and it’s probably the hardest one for me to talk about lyrically. Um, cause it has to do with… some pretty heavy issues. You know, it’s a happy sounding song- I like writing happy sounding songs, but then hopefully trying to say something thats worth more than just a happy moment.

At this particular time in my life I had encountered a lot of people who were going through tough times, whether it be suicidal thoughts or depression- You know I always try to preface by saying I’m not a professional in this field; I don’t know exactly what I’m allowed to say or what I should say or whats the most healthy thing to say. I can just speak from what I’ve experienced, what I’ve seen, and what I’ve gone through. And this song is talking about how I think we need to acknowledge the fact that people struggle with these issues, and we need to, we need to… we need to tell them “I get it”.

Like, I know you can hurt yourself. I know that’s an option. I’m not gonna tell you it’s not because I think there’s too many people who hear about their kid going through something and they say “No, don’t think about that, think of something else”. It’s like, no, hold on. Let’s take this energy, this focus, this emotion that you feel that’s obviously negative and let’s try to take it in and move it somewhere else. Let’s aim it at something else.

So I look at art, I look at music and writing and lyrics and a concert. I look at those as moments where people can take the things that they’re struggling with and really kind of unleash them and pour them out onto this thing.

It’s helped me. A lot. And I would never write about something that didn’t prove to help me, cause I would never want to… I would never want to talk about something that I didn’t feel like I knew I was capable of talking about.

Language learning advice I should give myself more often

- I did not start speaking a single word of my NATIVE language until after 1 year.

- Language learning is not a race, it is a new way of life.

- Some times I will feel like I’ve made lots of progress, other times I will feel like I’ve gone 10 steps back. It’s all relative.

- Stop expecting to make leaps and bounds in a day’s work.

- I still encounter words in my native language, after 20 years, which I do not know.


- I would not think someone struggling to speak my native language is stupid, so native speakers of my target language would not think the same either.

- I know you say “I’ll never need to know this word” but honestly if you’re aiming for a high level of “”“”fluency“”“”, please learn it.

- “Fluency” is too broad a term and not a clear goal to aim for.

- Even native speakers make mistakes.

- If the content I am learning is too simple, I am not challenging myself.

- “If you do the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same results.”

- Don’t be ashamed for having an accent.

- I will one day in the distant future look back and think how amazing the journey to learn my language was.

- The journey is always more exciting than the destination.

- Speech between 2 native speakers is one of, if not the, hardest things to understand. Do not be disheartened.

i mean i get why they didn’t have it happen but i feel like, for a game that had no less than 3 Tiddy Demons show up when I was saving my mom’s life, dragon age 2 characters should’ve been allotted a lot more swears?

  • you can’t tell me varric doesn’t swear on the regular
  • that gratifying moment when merrill says ‘this is halla shit’ to marethari
  • there is no way on the maker’s green thedas that carver didn’t include a minimum of 3 swears per sentence
  • aveline is so stressed out. just let her say ‘kiss my shiny ferelden ass’ at least four total times.
  • do i even need to explain isabela
  • for that matter do i need to explain fenris
  • how many times did anders, whipped up into a fury, hastily scribble something like MOTHERSHITTING ASSJUICING SQUIRRELDICKS into his manifesto only to scribble it out after ten seconds of seething and smooth his hair
  • bethany is understandable she’s a Good Child but even she deserved to chuck some out
  • there are at least nine individual instances across the whole game where sebastian should’ve been allowed to say “what the fuck”
random thought of the day

 what if sans was a 2d artist??? what would his art style look like?? do you think it would be realistic or stylized? maybe abstract and surreal?? better yet what if both papyrus and sans were artists? oh my god what if they did collabs together that would be sO CUTE ???

2007 was not my year. I was possibly the biggest I’ve ever been weighing in at about 270 +pounds. We never were sure what I was doing with my hands in this photo. Ha. I’m becoming more comfortable sharing older photos like this, because I want people who are struggling with their identity to know that eventually you become who you’re meant to be. Nine years later and I’m still not fully where I should be but that’s okay. A lot has happened in nine years and I know by the time I’m 30 I’ll finally feel whole. Took a while but what doesn’t. Still changing…still growing…still transcending. I’m now 100+ pounds lighter, happier, and more comfortable in my own skin than ever before.
#transformationtuesday #trans #transcend #transisbeautiful #transgender #girlslikeus #mtf #lgbt #lgbtq #transselfietuesday #feelingmyself #whythefwasiclapping

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People are always so surprised by my relationship to animals, they think I should “love” them a whole lot more than I do. But in 24 years I think the most important thing I’ve learned about caring for animals is that love is not actually a huge part of it. I mean it is, obviously. But it’s so damaging too, it’s like the antithesis to balance. Unchecked it results in dogmatic, self-serving fervor. More important than love to your relationship with animals: respect, understanding, critical thinking, thoughtfulness, kindness, gentleness. Empathy. Perspective. Distance and space when necessary. The ability to let go.


So many girls out there say, ‘I’m not a feminist’ because they think it means something angry or disgruntled or complaining or they picture, like, rioting and picketing. It is not that at all. It just simply means that you believe that women and men should have equal rights and opportunities. To say that you’re not a feminist means that you think men should have more rights and opportunities than women. I just think that a lot of girls don’t know the definition and the fact that Emma [Watson] got up and explained it I think is an incredible thing and I’m happy to live in a world where that happened.

One thing I do believe as a feminist is that in order for us to have gender equality we have to stop making it a girl fight, and we have to stop being so interested in seeing girls trying to tear each other down. It has to be more about cheering each other on, as women.”

Middle Ground is Listening to Yourself

I see a lot of posts that say you should NEVER push yourself if you’re feeling even slightly less than 100% okay. I also see a few posts basically complaining about the former that say people are never going to accomplish anything if they don’t get off their asses and pull themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever.

So I’d like to propose a good middle ground. I’m a writer who works full-time, which means any writing I do happens outside of a full workday. I’m more privileged than many, but I hope I can offer up one of the most important lessons I’ve learned. Maybe it can help somebody else out.

Learn to listen to yourself. It will take trial and error, but there are days to push and days to pull back. Sometimes, the pattern won’t make sense. It will not match anyone else’s either, necessarily. Be kind to yourself.

Yesterday, I worked 12 hours, no lunch break, came home, and wrote 4k before going to bed. I was physically exhausted, but pushing myself mentally to write felt good. I had a lasting energy high from the long day and I let it carry me over into a productive evening.

Today, I worked a 7 hour shift with a long lunch. I’ve sort of half-heartedly written like 400 words. My body is still sore from yesterday, but today is also just a bit of a more tired day. I’m listening to a bunch of covers on youtube and mostly chilling out. I can feel that if I push myself right now, I’ll just be miserable and hate everything, so I won’t.

That doesn’t mean you should aim for 4k after a 12 hour workday. It doesn’t mean you should take a break after an easy day. This time last year, I was in a really rough place and taking a 4 month hiatus. Sometimes that’s what your mental/physical/emotional health is telling you. Sometimes, you just need to give yourself a little push. Be your own running buddy: you wouldn’t push your buddy to the point of injury and severe pain, but you also wouldn’t be running buddies if you never went running. Find a middle ground.

TL;DR, please listen to yourself. Learn when to push, learn when to chill out. Neither extreme is both healthy and practical.