i do not normally yoga

Do you know what really pisses me off and makes me so fucking angry? The people that say stupid shit about scoliosis. The ones that say sitting straight will cure it, the ones that say heavy bags cause it and those people that say shit like fucking YOGA cure it. Like sure Suzan, it might take away some pain for certain people if their curve isn’t bad/they aren’t in heaps of pain, but it’s not going to make the curve magically disappear. It’s just infuriating that some people think that scoliosis is something that’s easy to control. Also, yes it is actually pretty common but severe pain and large curve(s) is not that common.
I’m sick and tired of people saying that ‘oh I have a sore back sometimes, I totally understand’, no no you don’t. No matter how much you think you know, you cannot imagine what it’s like. Before I had surgery I was in pain a lot and it was confusing and annoying. But it was nothing compared to those whose back hurts occasionally because this was everyday, just in varying severity. And you know what? Now after surgery (6 months) the pain is so much worse and it’s more draining than before. Before surgery I could sometimes forget my spine was deformed, now there isn’t an hour that goes by when I’m not in pain. Honestly it’s excruciating sometimes and I keep getting told I should be in less pain by now but they are so wrong. The only thing that’s changed is the type of pain I’m in. I now have heaps of muscle spasms and pain in my stomach, it now sometimes feels like crushing pain, it just all different types of pain in my back AND on top of all this shit, during surgery they kinda fucked my leg up a little bit. I have been told I’ll never get full function back in my leg, I can barely to my shopping without having a full on lip, around my knee goes numb all the time and I have to lift my left leg a lot, mostly when I’m getting into bed or getting into my car Added note: scoliosis isn’t cute, it can be extremely painful and distort your life. If I hadn’t of got my surgery, I would have died for this deformity, that’s how serious it can be. My spine would have crushed my heart and lungs, it had already started to

Imagine winding up Dean on the phone...

“Okay, not sure exactly when, but I’ll be home soon, is there anything you want from the store?”

You rolled your eyes, even if he couldn’t see you, it made you feel better. That was when the idea crossed your mind.

“If you’re at the shop, get some condoms.” You said coolly.

Dean went silent for a few moments and you began to wonder if he’d actually heard you.

“Did you say what I thought you did?” He said in a husky voice.

“Mmmm,” you hummed. “After my hunt went bust, I’ve just been so… bored. How long you going to be? I’m feeling a little flustered…” You cringed at your own wording, but judging by his tone of voice, it did the job.

“Y/N, I’ll… I’ll be there as quickly as possible.”

i drink plenty of water.
i do yoga every night and i eat almonds when i’m craving nutella,
or an apple when i really want cake.

my phone is always on do not disturb, and i only check instagram every other day
i change my sheets every weekend and i make tomorrow’s lunch the night before.

okay, that’s a lie
but i am trying.

i drink a lot of water, and i eat nutella with my apples but

there’s always a bag of almonds in my bag.

i brush my teeth every morning before work and every night before i shower, and i try and wash my hair three times a week.

my phone is always on do not disturb so i’m slow to text my friends back, but i no longer reply to people who have seen me naked but never said thank you

i buy my mother flowers and my friends coffee and i care about them a normal amount.

progress is slow but i do yoga when i’m not too tired in the evenings, or if i’m not working all weekend, and i try and pursue offers for jobs rather than letting my anxiety decline them for me.

i’m growing but not really changing

i’m just trying to become a person you would be proud of.

It’s really heavy energy, diving into the abyss. My head is spinning and it’s hard to focus. I feel…very clouded. which is not my normal. I’ve been doing yoga when i can and trying to just find that creative, playful energy as much as I can.

Tread lightly. Find your playfulness through this one.

 if you have to watch tv, color, make art or play video games just do it, because this energy is just ugh…it’s rough. 

Find your fun even if you have to push yourself out of what you normally do

 Hang in there. <3