this is just a quick list of study habits that work for me, as a straight a’s student
1. even if it’s not in your teacher’s presentation written on a slide, if you hear your teacher mention a fact, WRITE IT DOWN. you might need it later for a test.
2. when you’re rewriting your notes/compiling a study guide, pretend you’re making it for someone else. include everything, even if you think you know it. (unless you’re low on time, in which case, just write what you don’t know)
3. when you’re trying to learn a new concept, pretend you’re teaching it to someone else. this is a form of active learning, and the act of breaking the concept down into steps that you can teach will improve your understanding of the concept. (for the longest time, i actually didn’t even know this was an actual study technique, because i’ve always done it subconsciously!)
4. don’t over color your notes!! if you really need a key for all the colors, then you’re using way too many. try to stick with 2-3 pens/pencils. for me, i write most of my notes in black ink or pencil and i write the important concepts i might need to find quickly later (such as vocabulary) in red or blue pen.
5. have your water bottle next to you (so you remember to stay hydrated; this makes focusing easier as well), as well as any other things you might need during a study session so you don’t have to keep getting up to get stuff (which is pretty distracting for me as i’m easily sidetracked).
6. make it a habit to write lists of everything you need to do by the end of the weekend (or the end of that day, depending on how much work you have). this’ll help you familiarize yourself with your tasks so you have a clear plan of what needs to get done.
7. (not really necessary, just something i like to do!) learn to eat with your non-dominant hand so you can eat and take notes and turn pages w/out ripping them instead of scrolling through social media. keep in mind that sometimes, meal times are for taking your mind off school so unless you’re really pressed for time, it’s not a huge deal if you spend this time w/passive reading, texting friends, etc.
8. when you’re assigned a research project, COME UP WITH A THESIS FIRST so you know what to research. try to get all your research done within the first two days or so, to have more time to plan out how you’re going to structure it. then get your draft done (something is better than nothing) so you can revise at your own pace instead of rushing at the last minute.
9. prioritize your homework!! as someone who spends hours fencing and even misses school for fencing tournaments, is part of symphonic band, and on the robotics team (build season is suuuuuper busy), i can’t express how important this is!! if you have math first period, get that done first, whereas if you have math last period, you can do it at lunch and spend your time working on something that’s due in the morning. don’t do this all the time, but if you need to, know which teachers are more strict with due dates so if you really do need an extension, you’ll be asking the least strict teacher and will have much better chances of getting said extension.
10. if you study at home like me, change into new clothes (comfy clothes, but not pajamas) before cracking open your textbooks. it’ll help make you feel more refreshed and ready to start your homework, but not confined to uncomfortable uniforms from school. tie up your hair, if it’s long. try to study at a table/desk rather than in bed (for sleeping not studying) or on the floor (bad for your posture).
11. check out this post for productive things you can do when you aren’t studying, but still want to be productive!
whenever they’re out exploring a planet and keith sees something interesting he’ll grab hold of lance’s hand to get his attention
he’s telling lance to look and lance is like “yeah, mhm, i see,” but he definitely does not because he can’t look away from where keith hasn’t let go of his hand yet
keith does not let go of his hand for the duration of the trip
one day shiro calls keith to his room to talk to him but when keith comes in his hair is french-braided really beautifully and he’s like !!! O.O
and he says “who did your hair? it’s really nice,” and keith kind of self-consciously touches it but he’s smiling a little and his cheeks are pink and he just says really quietly “it is isn’t it? lance did”
shiro wiggles his eyebrows a little but doesn’t tease too much but ITS CUTE OKAY
probably they’re sitting at a dinner with an alien species allura is trying to make an alliance with and start bumping knees with each other for no reason
lance almost falls over at one point. allura is glaring. pidge is trying not to laugh
but also, lance can get nervous sometimes, depending on the day or who they’re talking to. he doesn’t show it and covers it up with his usual suaveness, but keith can be pretty perceptive, especially when it comes to lance
so his knee is bumping up and down rapidly during a dinner and he’s fidgeting with his hands
keith just puts his hand on top of lance’s knee and then kind of reaches out to hold lance’s hand
it helps a lot, for both of them really
i kid you not keith probably has his fingers hooked around lance’s pant loops and they still think their rship is platonic
lance very casually tucking keith’s hair behind his ears and mumbling something about how he “can’t see your eyes, keith”
or poking his face to get his attention and smiling really widely when keith turns to him and squishes his face so his lips are puckered up like a fish and says with exasperation but fondness “what do you waaanntt, lance?”
“you,” he says in a muffled voice (they’re not even together yet what kind of,,,,)
(how do you smile when your face is squished like that i do not know but lance’s love for keith defies all facial expression limitations)
catch lance trying to teach keith how to dance at 3 in the morning, hands on his hips, laughing quietly at how hard keith is concentrating
sitting on the sofa, lance playing with keith’s fingers, keith with his head resting on his shoulder
draw piling with my friend @somfunartdesign and we went on a long winded challenge to achieve on how to draw gromit with the expression of “so angry that he doesnt even know how to contain himself and doesnt know what he’ll do hes so fucking angry” and it was hard and we eventually spiraled into drawing REALLY sad wallace- like we wanted to see how sad we could draw wallace. its fucked up. i havent laughed as hard all day.
[translations] 2017.07.06 NCT 127 First Anniversary Event fan accounts - Rolling Paper
Taeil -> Johnny Chicago monster bro. I love your physiques, are you perhaps a model? Thank you for always looking out for the rest of the members by taking on the role of the middle man.[chewchew_do]
Taeil -> Taeyong Your features are so beautiful. Your eyes nose lips, no, I love everything about you [cheetahparrot]
Taeil -> Yuta Yukkuri ….. ????? (fan accounts say that yuta was laughing so hard that he couldn’t read it)
Taeil -> Doyoung How are you? Cutie. Every time I see your shoulders I think you are so handsome. I’m fine thank you bro [dukduk0614]
Taeil -> Jaehyun Jaehyun I like your burning passion, in the future please burn that bright and pass the passion on to the remaining members as well [chin9deura]
Taeil -> Winwin Ni Hao, Dong Si Cheng. I heard you play games really badly, practice more. Anyway you are so cute. I think you have gotten used to living in Korea, and gotten close with the members. Dong Si Cheng, Wo Ai Ni [nct_victory]
Taeil -> Mark Cute. You are so cute. I can always feel a lot of things when I’m with you. Thank you bro [markleezzang]
Taeil -> Haechan Our Lee Haechan who usually joke a lot but lately you became quiet.
However now I like how you are joking around again. We nag at you is
because we like you. I’m thankful that you are doing the role of the
maknae well, and became the mood-maker too. Bye bye I love you [xzzanx]
Johnny -> Taeil I am an only child in the family. But because hyung was by my side I was able to feel how is it like to have an older brother. I feel really happy and secured with hyung by my side. I am always thankful for that. Even though hyung don’t express it, but I know you like me a lot. I love you hyung. [chin9deura]
I did a thing. I figured it to be best if this was EXO member optional, since with this storyline you could end up with any EXO member really. God forgive me for I have sinned.
Pairing: EXO member x Reader (You will have to choose one at a certain point, or read it nine times)
Edit: Apparently the first part can be classified under ‘humour’.
My sister read this and she was laughing her ass off? I did not intend for this to
happen but yeah… If it’s the same for you, enjoy.
Word count: 4670 words
Warning: Phone sex, Oral sex, explicit language.
“No, I’m not a free phone sex service!” I shout annoyed
through my mobile and immediately cut the call, throwing my mobile onto the
kitchen counter. Once, just once, I had been spotted in public with the members
of EXO and that was the result; forty calls a day that begin with either “What
are you wearing?” or “Tell me how wet you are”.
My mother is the fixed cleaning lady for the Exo dorm, but
she broke her leg a few weeks ago. In agreement with SM, I replace her until
she gets better. It is summer holiday and that way I don’t need to search for a
The guys from EXO are my age, so of course the relationship
between EXO and me is different than the relationship my mom has with them.
Whilst my mom is more a motherly figure, I am more of a friend. That’s why a
few days ago, they asked me to go out for dinner with them.
So….I don’t know if anyone else has talked about this, but I think that Keith’s father left him. And though it is long, here is why:
When Keith hears his father’s voice, he’s shocked, but not completely horrified. The first words he says aren’t “I thought you were dead!” or anything similar, but instead
He even has the chance to ask how he might be alive (or like…anything similar) or what he’s doing there, but instead he goes right to, “What’s going on outside?” because that matters more to Keith than what his dad is doing back in their shack. And then his dad says:
“Don’t you want to catch up?” is not something you tell somebody when you’ve died, but when you’ve gone away for a while.
Keith’s response is “Of course I do,” but look at his expression. He doesn’t get it- and of course he wants to know what his dad has been doing, but he’s still confused and cautious.
Now, we already know that what these holograms do is pair Keith’s greatest hopes with his greatest fears.
We’ve also seen it before- it showed him Shiro, but hologram Shiro told Keith that he should give up the knife, and that choosing to find out his own past was selfish. That doesn’t stop Keith, though: “I’ve made my choice.” He doesn’t care if Shiro thinks he’s being selfish. What Shiro says and does next, though, is what makes him stop:
And then Shiro starts to walk away. Only then does Keith actually stop. Only then does Keith decide that maybe it isn’t worth it. Keith actually calls out to Shiro, and then starts to run after him.
You can tell from his expression, and from the fact that he literally runs after Shiro to stop him that Keith is desperate. Why?
Because one of Keith’s greatest fears is being left by the ones closest to him.
Why would this be one of his greatest fears?
Because it has happened before.
He follows Shiro and finds himself standing in front of the door that another person he cared for walked out of.
And once again, one of his greatest hopes is paired with one of his greatest fears. He wants to know about his past- that’s one of his hopes, but why would his father be the one to show him that, unless
One of his greatest hopes is that his father will come back.
This also makes the line, “Don’t you want to catch up?” and the fact that Keith doesn’t even ask why his father is back even more important. This is a scenario plucked from Keith’s mind: it’s a fantasy. He doesn’t necessarily want to know why his father might be back- there doesn’t have to be a reason. He just wants him back, anyway.
His other greatest fear, though, is that the Galra will come to Earth, and destroy it. In the end, the Earth matters more to Keith than his own father and past do, and maybe part of that is because he knows that his father didn’t care enough about him to stay.
Keith still hesitates, though.
Walking out that door means turning his back on his father, and what he thinks might be the last chance he has to know anything about his past. But he walks out anyway.
He looks his father in the eye as he says this. He doesn’t apologize, he doesn’t justify himself, he just says goodbye and leaves. That doesn’t strike me as the farewell somebody who was close with his father would give them as they walk out. And look at his expression? He’s not sorry. Maybe he’s hurt and torn, but more importantly, resolved. He is leaving, and his father will not stop him.
And also- neither of them acted like they were particularly close, either. There were no reunion hugs, and the only one who even smiled was Keith’s father (albeit somewhat creepily, but that’s irrelevant). And Keith wants to see his father again, but that doesn’t mean he would be happy if it happened. They didn’t part on good terms, however it may have happened.
TLDR: Keith’s father didn’t die, but left Keith many years ago- and because of that, one of his greatest fears is that Shiro, the only other person he’s become very close to, will do the same.
Draco frowned but shook his head and pushed his plate across the table. Potter attacked it as if he hadn’t just stuffed his face with three servings of scrambled eggs and croissants.
“Thanks,” he said, beaming at Draco. Clearing his throat, Draco had to look away, otherwise Potter might have noticed how pink his cheeks had suddenly gotten. He really didn’t understand Potter. He didn’t understand this whole strange situation they were in. Who would have thought he and Potter would become the kind of friends who would meet on Sundays for brunch? As much as Draco had always fantasised about becoming friends with him, this was an unexpected outcome. But not as unexpected as what had happened a few days ago…
“Potter, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”
“Dracoooooo! Don’t be such a drag!”
Draco blinked, the sound of his own name still ringing in his ears. Was this the first time Potter had said his given name to his face? Draco hated how much he enjoyed it. Watching Potter sway as he tried to make his way to the bar, Draco grabbed his arm.
“No more drinks for you,” he said resolutely.
“Dracoooo.” Potter knitted his brows together and started pouting. He actually pouted. Draco felt like he was going to faint.
“No, you’ve had enough.” His eyes darted down to Potter’s mouth. His lower lip was trembling and Draco wished he could stop the trembling by softly biting into it. “This won’t work on me,” he said, mentally cursing his voice for sounding so unsteady.
“Are you sure?” Potter said, his mouth stretching into a smile. “Then maybe this will!” With childish enthusiasm, Potter threw his arms around Draco’s neck. Their bodies were suddenly flush against each other.
“What are you-?” Before Draco could finish his question, Potter’s lips were on his, moving slowly and softly. Draco was too stunned to push him away. And honestly, he didn’t want to. Potter was kissing him! And the way he was kissing him… He didn’t seem as drunk as Draco had thought. Or maybe, he was just an exceptionally good kisser.
Against his better judgement, Draco closed his eyes and tentatively placed his hands on Potter’s hips. Potter let out a deep sigh that send a delicious shiver down Draco’s spine. But wait… this wasn’t right. Potter wasn’t in his right mind.
Reluctantly, Draco detached his lips from Potter’s and stared at him. He was not prepared for the sight that met him. Potter was gazing at him dreamily, a wide smile plastered on his face.
“See? I know it would work on you,” he mumbled, before his head collapsed on Draco’s shoulder. The added weight, from Potter going completely limp in his arms, made Draco stumble.
“What in Merlin’s name was that?”
Draco had asked himself that question a lot over the last couple of days. He still had no idea. Potter had acted like nothing had happened when they had seen each other again. Maybe he didn’t remember. But something was definitely off; Potter kept finding excuses to touch Draco in seemingly innocent ways and whenever he thought Draco wasn’t paying attention, he kept giving him theselooks.
At first, Draco had thought he was just imagining things, but it kept happening and it left Draco confused and frustrated. What was Potter doing?
“Hey, I thought we could go to the movies tonight,” Potter said, completely nonchalant.
“The movies,” Draco repeated flatly.
“Yeah, you know, the Muggle-”
“I know what it is,” Draco snapped. He took a sip of his coffee and slammed the cup back down on the saucer.
“Is that a no?” Potter asked. Draco looked away, not sure what to say. As much as he enjoyed spending time with him, the way Potter was behaving made everything so hard. Draco wasn’t sure he could do it for much longer without exploding. Maybe it would be better to pause this friendship thing for a little bit. When his eyes found Potter’s again, his mouth opened involuntarily. Potter’s eyes were piercing and there was an odd expression on his face.
“Hold on, you’ve got some crumbs-” He leaned over the table, his hand outstretched. Draco blinked as Potter’s fingers brushed the corner of his mouth. They definitely lingered there longer than necessary. This was it! Draco had enough of this teasing.
Slamming his hands down on the table, he pushed himself out of his seat and stormed out of the café. What did Potter think they were doing? He acted like they were just friends, just friends, and then he did something like that. Seriously, it was all Potter’s fault. If the git hadn’t kissed him-
Draco stopped in his tracks, a warm feeling spreading inside his chest. Stupid, stupid! He shouldn’t be feeling that way.
“Draco, wait!” Potter caught up to him, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around. “What’s going on? Why did you just leave like that?”
Draco scowled at his feet, not wanting to look Potter in the eyes.
“Is it something I did?” Potter asked, sounding genuinely unsure. Draco snorted. “What is it? Talk to me?” Potter lowered his head to catch Draco’s eyes and Draco suddenly felt fingers brushing the hair out of his face.
“This! This!!” Slapping his hand away, Draco finally looked up. “You’ve got to stop doing that!”
Potter looked shocked. He clearly hadn’t expected such an outburst.
“You can’t just do that all the time. Touch me like that.”
Draco watched as Potter’s face fell. He bit his lip and started wringing his hands.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it made you that uncomfortable.”
Wait, why did Potter look so crestfallen? That didn’t make any sense.
“It does,” Draco said through gritted teeth. “It would be much easier if you could be… a little more decisive.” Draco really didn’t want to have this conversation. He was pretty sure he’d just end up humiliating himself. And maybe, it would even mean the end of his friendship with Potter.
“What do you mean, more decisive?”
Draco sighed. Maybe his friendship with Potter was already over. Draco couldn’t stand to be around him like this.
“Maybe you behave like that around your friends. I don’t. There’s a line between- It’s not something you just- There’s a difference between-” Draco didn’t know how to explain it to Potter without sounding like a lovesick fool.
“Do you mean- I-… Are you talking about the kiss?” Potter sounded extremely nervous. Draco gaped at him.
“You remember? I thought you didn’t remember.”
“No, I remember,” Potter said quietly.
Draco’s mind reeled.
“Then why- What are you doing? I can’t even tell if that was accidental or not? If you regret it or not? What is this- What are we-”
“I don’t know, okay?” Potter interrupted him. “I don’t know.”
Draco studied him, taking in the insecure expression on his face.
“Even if you don’t know, you can’t just do that to me,” he murmured. “I have no idea what to think anymore.”
Potter bit the inside of his cheeks, before taking a step towards Draco.
“But you like me, right?”
Annoyed, Draco clicked his tongue.
“I’m pretty sure the answer to that is painfully obvious.”
Potter took another step, so that their chests were touching. Reaching for Draco’s hands, he interlaced their fingers and peered up at him from under his lashes.
“Would you…” His voice quivered slightly. “Would you want to kiss me again?”
Draco opened his mouth but no sound came out. Had Potter really just asked him-
“Potter, what are you doing?” he said, almost choking on the words. His eyes darted down when Potter licked his lips in one swift motion. “This is what I’m talking about. You can’t just keep playing these games with me.”
“It’s not a game,” Potter said, his expression turning serious. “I have no idea what I’m doing, okay? I have no idea how to handle… this.” He gave Draco’s hands a squeeze and guided them to the small of his back. “I’ve never fallen for a bloke before. Not like this. And you’re not just any bloke. It’s a little overwhelming, alright?”
Draco was glad Potter had stopped talking. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to hear anything else over the ringing in his ears.
“Did you just say- You… What?”
Potter laughed, loud and wide. It made Draco weak in the knees.
“Can we please not dwell on this? This is embarrassing enough,” Potter said, pressing his body against Draco’s. “So, you still haven’t answered my question. Would you kiss me again?”
Instead of answering, Draco made a deep gurgling sound at the back of his throat. Before Potter had the chance to comment on it, Draco grabbed his face with both hands and started kissing him like he had wanted to for as long as he could remember.
“I swear to Merlin, if you take back what you just told me and we go back to being friends, I’m going to hex your testicles off,” he growled against Potter’s lips.
“Oh, I think we can make use of them in a much better way,” Potter chuckled, burying his hands in Draco’s hair. Draco groaned. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. After all this time. Finally!
Any tips for writing the character's personalities and speech? Thank you.
Here’s a piece of unflavored base dialogue vs how it would sound from each of the main 3:
Hello. Thank you for coming to meet me here. I have something important to tell you. First, let’s order something. [order]. Anyway, we have to stop seeing each other. It makes me very sad and I wish it didn’t have to be this way. But what can I do? Choose you over [important life choice]? I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but this is goodbye.
My first Reid smut! Just an idea that popped in my head. PWP. Spencer Reid x Reader smut. The reader wonders just how Spencer gained his stamina in the bedroom, he shows her just how he gained that skill.
“Spencer, can I ask you something kind of,” You hesitated, “Personal?” You were both on his couch, you lying down with your feet in his lap. It was one of his rare weekends without a case or paperwork. You both opted for a quiet night in after going out to lunch.
“Sure?” He said looking up from his book, a little concerned. “We’ve been together for months Y/N, I hope you know you can ask me anything.”
“How do you last so long in bed?” You blurted out, trying to ignore the heat rising in your cheeks. You didn’t mean for it to sound so accusing. It was a valid question though, just the night before you came three times before Spencer even seemed close to finishing. It got you curious, and even a little worried.
oh my god i can’t take it anymore i’m in love with ben’s eyes
and not JUST his iris, there’s already loads of appreciation post on his wonderful otherworldly cosmic-coloured irises, this time i wanna talk about the rest of his eye features
i love his eyelid!!! I do i love it so much especially when his eyes are half-open at rest and relaxed because then they make such a distinct and clean line above his eyes
LOOK AT THOSE EYELIDS IT’S SO CUTE
and then there’s the cute lil slanted pea-shape i mean look!!! it’s so anime-y, as someone who draws lots of ben/sherlock fanart, let me just tell you that drawing the shape of his eye is one of the most satisfying things in the world
and then there’s his eyelashes! it’s not particularly thick or particularly long, but it’s just the perfect amount of length and sparseness and curl to perfectly decorate his eye and make his iris seem to sparkle more
and also just how expressive all those features combined can be, his eyes are SO expressive!! just look at how soft and radiant it is when he smiles
look at how sad and sombre it is when he cries
how vulnerable it looks when he’s weak
how scary it can look when he’s angry
AND THEN THIS!!!! I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO CAPTION IT BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE EMOTIONS HIS EYES ALONE COULD CONVEY!
please talk to me about ben’s eyes, every time i see his eyes i amd more and more in love with him and i’m not even the type to romanticize things, i’m the opposite of that but his eyes!! like i’m genuinely in awe with his eyes because of its pure mathematical beauty, the curvature of its shape, the flick of its eyelash, the distinctiveness of the eyelid, the depth of its expressiveness!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND??????? WHY I’M SO IN LOVE????? WITH HIS EYES???????????
important disclaimer: please remember that everything I wrote down is my own personal opinion. I do not know Jungkook personally, nor his past relationship experiences, so this is based on my imagination of ‘’realistic’’ only and on how it could be like dating him. If you’re not open to stuff like this, please don’t read.
A piece of art I did to thank the kind and mysterious Deals Warlock cosplayer who bestowed upon me a hallowed ticket to The Adventure Zone ( @theadventurezone ) San Diego live show just when I had begun to give up all hope that I would ever get to see it (literally, this happened about an hour or two before the show).
Being at SDCC was pretty effing cool to start with, but this guy and this ticket to this show made it positively MAGICAL. I don’t even know how to express how happy I was and how much it meant to me. So here’s a drawing I did of him as a Deals Warlock working sinister D&D magic!
For a step-by-step gif of this pic, see here. For more TAZ fanart from me, see here.
EDIT 30/08/17 Holy moly. Thank you very much for the lovely response to this drawing! I’ve got my fingers crossed that amongst the notes, somewhere, is the Warlock himself. I was thinking… I may pay the good karma forward and get this printed to do a giveaway? What say ye, Tumblr? It’ll take me a while to get a new print run ordered (life’s a tad busy atm, and I prefer to bundle a few different prints together in one print order) But when I do, you down for that?
EDIT 01/10/17 Ok, I have three shiny 8x10s (unlike Taako, am I right??) to give away to 3 people in the notes, chosen by a random number generator. And those three people are….drumroll…. @offkeymidnight @thingonmyback and @sherlocks-bitch-moriarty ! To claim your print, drop me a message here on Tumblr before Friday the 13th of October (oooooo spooky), and we can sort out postage. (Unfortunately if I do not get a message before then I will not be able to send the picture).
I know people are trying to be supportive, but I do not find the response that Christians should be less antisemitic because ‘Jesus was Jewish’ to be even remotely reassuring.
Like, not only has that failed to matter for 2,000 years of persecution, but also I would really like you to care about me simply because Jewish people are human beings whose culture is beautiful and unique, and not because it somehow validates your own expression of Christianity.
Standing for our safety as a people should never be motivated by how well we fit into your religious narrative, but by how much you respect our right to exist outside of it.
he stands in all his glory, laughing at something Chris Nolan said to him, a
glass of whisky in his hand and his arm around her waist. And all I could do
was stand here, from afar, watching them.
notice if you keep staring, darling.” Anne handed me a glass of champagne.
not staring. Just looking how wonderful they are together.” I could feel my
face turn red by the second.
darling, don’t try to fool yourself, I know you have feelings for him.” She
smiled lightly at me. “Actually, I always thought you’re going to be together.”
My smile faltered
and I looked at the floor. Silly Y/N, of course Anne knew. Apparently,
everybody did! The boys, Gemma, Lou and now Anne. Clearly, I am not very good
in hiding my feelings for my best friend. The guy who knows me better than
anyone and yet can’t realize how much I adore him.
Harry and I
have been friends since we were kids, really. Eventually we went separate ways:
He went out to become the biggest celebrity out there and I went to college. Even
though we lived in different worlds, we never stopped talking. We’re still best
friends even after all this time.
I love him.
But it wasn’t
always like this. When we’re younger, our parents used to tell us we would
eventually get married. We’re too perfect for each other, that’s something we
always knew, even though we didn’t have this types of feeling for each other.
It was in
my senior year of college that this said feelings started to show. I spent a
few weeks with him and the boys while they’re on tour and suddenly I started to
fall for my best friend. If you have seen any movie out there, you would think
that the feeling was mutual and we’re happily ever after. Not how things turned
out, I’m afraid to tell you. I spent 6 weeks trying to find a way to tell him
my feelings, even asked for the boys’ help, but when I was close to figure a
way out, he met her. And gosh, how much he adored her. Since the beginning!
that stupid line that said when you love someone, you gotta let them go and
find their happiness? His happiness was she and I couldn’t stand in the way of
that. Even though I knew I loved him more than she could ever love him, it was
time for me to set him free.
So I came
back. Came to the UK, finished college and found a job I actually like. My life
is all put together, as Harry likes to remind me. He’s right, my life is put
together, except for my love life. I tried so hard to get over him, to not have
feelings for him. I dated, I tried everything I could, but he was always there,
in the back of my mind, even when I met my ex-boyfriend, Daniel. We broke up a
few months later because he knew I had feelings for my best friend. Poor Dan,
such a nice guy and I couldn’t love him.
back home. And moved in with her, much to my dismay. They’re together for 3
years now and they don’t seem to be breaking up anytime soon. I’m not gonna
lie, I’ve thought about telling him, just to get it out of my chest, but I can’t.
I cannot ruin this for him. I would rather suffer in silence than ruin his
happiness and our friendship.
thought about telling him?” She asked me while we watched the couple from afar.
“I did.” I
whispered. “I just can’t. He’s happy, Anne. He deserves to be happy.”
“My son is
a fool, darling. He doesn’t know, but he does have feelings for you. A mother
always know and I’m telling you he does. But I understand your side, I just don’t
wanna see you both losing time with other people when you could be together!”
a laugh. Anne was always our biggest supporter, so it’s not a shock to me she
would rather me with her son than his actual girlfriend. The poor girl is not a
bad girl; she’s just not right for him.
get it how he can be such a morning person, always waking up at a 100%, telling
everyone ‘good morning’ in his raspy voice. She thinks its annoying, but the
truth is if he doesn’t do this, we’ll go back to sleep and miss his whole day.
She doesn’t get his obsession for good health, but if she just asked him about
it, she would understand he actually believes that those junk foods can kill
you slowly, and he can’t lose anyone in his life, so we all have to eat health
food. At least around him. She doesn’t understand how he can feel so down
after reading mean comments on the internet, because for her how could The
Harry Styles feel anything less than perfect?! He thinks he’s not worth it,
even though he truly does deserve everything good that ever happened to him. However,
he has insecurities, because by the end of the day, he is just Harry. And all
he really wants is cuddles and a few reassurance words that those people are
just mean people and are not telling the truth.
know him and a part of me thinks she just doesn’t want to. Yes, she knows what
he likes for breakfast, what calms him when his in a bad mood, but she doesn’t
know the little things I do.
if you think about it. He’s been with her for 3 years and she doesn’t get him.
Maybe that’s why when he needs someone, he runs to me. He runs to my house at 3
A.M just so he could talk about his bad day. She never saw him cry, because he
only cries when we’re alone and he can truly show his feelings. I’m the first
person he calls when something good or bad happens. I’m his emergence contact
in the hospital, I’m his safe place to go when he needs to just take a break. I’m
the one who could leave her whole life on hold, just to take care of him when
because even thought I am his person, I’m not his and he’s not mine. She has
him and I can’t truly express how much I wish that could be me.
nervous.” I pointed out to Anne.
about to ask you this… Do you know why? He’s been like this for a few weeks
now.” She looked deep in thought, trying to find a reason for her son odd behavior.
I was interrupted by Louis, who looked out of breath.
to stop him, he will make a terrible mistake, please Y/N, stop him!”
what’s going on? What are you talking about? Breathe, Lou.”
get it, he’ll…”
“Can I have
everyone’s attention, please?” Harry called out from the center of the room.
The party quickly died down, waiting for his speech. “I would like to thank you
all for coming to my Dunkirk party. It’s so nice to enjoy the movie’s success with
all of you, so thank you!”
around the room clapped and Louis was fussing by side. He looks nervous and I
couldn’t understand why.
know this is a special night for me and I wanted to be even more special. Lexa,
can you come here, darling?” He asked his girlfriend to join him and I could
already feel the tension growing around me. Anne, Louis, Niall, Liam, Lou and
Gemma surrounded me and we all were just waiting for something to happen. Anything.
been together for 3 years next week and I feel so blessed to have you by side.
I was smitten with you since the moment I saw you, you can ask Y/N for
confirmation.” Everybody laughed a little and I could feel a knot in my through
already. “So, in this special date for me and surrounded by friends and family,
I would like to ask you…” he got down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”
like that my world stopped. I couldn’t hear anything, but I could see her nod
and everyone clap for them. I think the boys were talking to me, but I could
barely understand what was happening.
He is hers.
She is his.
like that I realized that all these years loving him, taking care of him, weren’t
enough to make him fall for me. I was a silly girl who believed in the fairy
tale that everyone thought we would live. I loved him with everything in me, I
was always his but he was never mine.
like that I ran out of the party, leaving everyone – including the love of my
life – behind.
This took longer than I thought it would. I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I’m tired af but that’s ok. Know why? I can sleep whenever but I can’t celebrate Ethan’s 5 years anniversary whenever. I wanted to make something that expressed how much Ethan means to me, and how much he has helped me even when no one else could. But that’s impossible. WOWIE I guess this’ll just have to do.