i do feel used because she never helps me anymore

Request – Derek Hale “Guilt”, sequel to “Emptiness” and “Do you know them

 “What are you doing?” Laura suddenly stood behind him, looking over his shoulder to see what he was doing.
“It’s Y/N’s birthday next week, and I thought…”
“You thought it would be a good idea to give her pictures where she possibly can’t have any memories about?”, she finished his sentence for him. He turned around, turning his back on the pictures of your family he had spread out on the table.
“What else can I do? I get to have you back, because of that she can’t remember her parents anymore and I can’t do anything to pay her back?” When he turned back to the pictures, he saw that his sister has taken them away.
“This is not going to help her, believe me. Not now, anyway. You’re not giving her her family back, you’re telling her even more that she has lost something she can’t reclaim. Never. Maybe those pictures will work later, but now? Bad idea Derek.” He leaned against the table, not knowing what to do, not used to feeling this guilty about having a family. He had always felt guilty. Guilty about being the on to survive, guilty about being the one who was responsible for the deaths of his entire family, guilty… guilty for everything that went wrong, basically. But this guilt, guilt because he had something that someone else didn’t have was new for him. He walked over to the couch, lied down, arms under his head, looking at the ceiling.
“It’s just not fair. I shouldn’t be the one getting it all…” He was so used of being the one in trouble that he felt bad when one time fate had smiled at him. Laura shrugged.
“And why shouldn’t you this time?”
“Because I took something from someone.” He had lost everything, you had lost everything, but you both had had the memories of those you lost. Until you sacrificed yours to give him Laura back. And he still couldn’t cope with that. All the hugs he could give you couldn’t make up for what you had given up for him. He knew. He had lived with his memories for years, and even when he had cursed them, even when he had wished to get rid of them now and then, he knew they were too important to miss. He knew they were the last thing that connected him with those he lost, a connection he needed so badly, a connection that kept telling him who he was.
“You didn’t take anything Derek. She gave it up. Willingly, knowing what would happen. She just cares for you that much.” He sat up, looked at her.
“Are you actually telling me it’s not my fault?” Laura nodded.
“You didn’t ask for this. You were just mourning, she took her own decision.” A small trace of relief spread through him, and he held out his hand.
“Can I have those pictures back? For later maybe?” Laura smiled, handing over the pile of pictures in her hand.
“You’ll have to change your plans for her birthday.” He shrugged.
“I think I already know how to solve that.” He stood up to store the pictures away somewhere safe, turning around just before he reached the door. “And no, I’m not going to tell you what it is. It’s a surprise.”