Divided: Part 15
Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader
Warnings: ANGST, SO much Angst.
Word Count: 2914
Summary: After escaping with an unconscious Bucky in tow, reader and Steve finally have a moment to talk.
Authors Note: Alright, I am hopefully back for real, and will have more time to write, so ideally I will be updating more. As for this scene, to my darling Steve lovers, I’m sorry. (Not really) That being said, I hope you all enjoy it, I always love hearing from you guys, so drop a line with thoughts or predictions! Also, Civil War is now on Netflix, so you all should definitely rewatch asap <3 Tagging is open, just ask
Divided: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14
“There are helicopters still circling to the west but they don’t seem to know we’re here.” You jog towards Sam, entering the dirty and dark room. Your eyes dart to Bucky’s limp form, his torso bent at an awkward angle as his metal arm remains restrained in a mechanical vice.
“Is he still unconscious?” You ask hesitantly, pausing to listen for Bucky’s coarse breathing. “Yeah, he hasn’t moved since we got here. He’ll live… he put Steve in a much worse state last year.” Sam growled turning a stern eye to you, attempting to remind you of what Bucky was only a year ago.
“And Steve came back from it.” You spoke slowly, your eyes falling to the floor, unable to fully defend Bucky’s past actions. “It wasn’t him Sam. Back then or…” “Just now? When he Hulk smashed his way through the place?” Sam interrupted you, rolling his eyes as his arms cross firmly over his tense chest.
“It wasn’t him; hydra did something to him. Steve knows that! Steve went after him to keep him safe. You chose to follow Steve so why are you getting angry now?” You bite back, raising your voice slightly.
“You’re right. I did choose to follow Steve.” Sam’s voice drops, his stance cold and withdrawn. “But at a certain point I have to wonder if I’m following Steve, or if Steve’s just following after you.”
At that he turns his back on you, walking forward to inspect the grip on Bucky’s arm, making it clear that your conversation was over. You turn away, swiftly swiping a tear from your eye as you walk out of the room.
Coming into the open space, you see Steve checking the perimeter of the east side. You move quickly and silently towards him. “Captain I…” His body tenses as he remains with his back to you, “I don’t want to talk to you Y/N.” He speaks firmly, his voice low and harsh.
You stand there silently, breathing slowly as you stumble through all the things you want to apologize for in your head. For how much you’ve hurt him. For the lies. For the deception. For knowing full well what you were doing to him… but ignoring it… because it felt good. Steve always made you feel good… safe…
“Thank you… I just… Thank you for protecting me… for always protecting me. You’ve always worked so hard to keep me safe, before we were… and… even now. And I just… I don’t think I’ve ever actually said thank you.” You breathe slowly, watching him tentatively as his body tenses, his head bent forward towards the gap.
“I want to say I’m sorry, but you yelled at me last time… so thank you, thank you for everything that you’ve done for me.” He turns suddenly, staying slightly in the shadow.
“Stop… you don’t get off that easy.” Steve’s voice is low, his body tense as he moves forward into the gaps of light. “You lied to me, Y/N. You lied to me as a lover, as a friend, and as your Captain.”
“I didn’t mean to… I promised him… I tried to convince Bucky to let me tell you. I told him how worried you were about him, how much you still cared for him, and believed in him. But Steve, he was scared, he was scared that he wasn’t himself, and that he’d never again be the Bucky you’re looking for.”
Steve stands there watching you, breathing slowly as he bites his lip, his hand flying up to pull agitatedly through his hair. “You lied to me, because you promised him?” Steve speaks low, his voice rumbling in his chest as his brow furrows.
“I had been looking for him for months, for over a year Y/N. You knew that, I had talked with you intimately about him. You knew how badly I wanted to find him. How much he means to me!”
Steve’s voice rises rapidly, his anger reverberating in the empty warehouse, before he remembers your precarious hiding position and gains control once again, returning to a low growl. “How could you not tell me that you had found him, and that there was even a shadow of the person I knew?”
“I… I don’t know… I just… I didn’t think of it like that. I got wrapped up and overwhelmed… I thought if I could just get to know him, I could convince him to come to the Avengers for help. To turn himself in. I thought I was helping…” Your voice is weak and quiet as you try to defend your choices, realizing only now how meager your logic was.
“How long?” Steve barks clearly, no longer patient with your excuses. “It’s complicated…” You bite your lip as you try to think of the best way to explain yourself. “How long?” He asks again, arms folding across his chest as his shoulders rise and fall with heavy, annoyed breaths.
“We met in Bucharest… on that mission when I went missing. There was an explosion and I was knocked unconscious and he rescued me and took me back to his apartment. He wasn’t there that day as a hostile, he was trying to look out for you, have your back.” You explain hastily, your words falling over each other as Steve’s jaw tenses.
“That was weeks ago, months even… All the times you’ve left the compound… when you disappear after missions…” Steve looks you up and down as if seeing you clearly for the first time, his brow furrowing with anger. You nod sadly, confirming his suspicions.
Your eyes fall to the floor unable to look at Steve, unable to see the disappointment and dislike painted across his face. “Are you sleeping with him?” Steve asks quietly, your eyes flick up to him, to find his own gaze cast down now, unable to meet yours as you respond to his reluctant question.
“Yes… I… Yes…” You hear him take a deep breath, his fist clenching slightly as his jaw sets firmly. “But only after things ended with us… I started having feelings for him and I realized it wasn’t fair to you to keep…” “You realized it wasn’t fair to me!?” Steve’s voice rises once again as he cuts off your explanation.
“That’s when you realized it wasn’t fair to me? That after months of us sleeping together, of me clearly falling for you, weeks of you lying to me and going behind my back. It took you until developing secret feelings for my best friend, a wanted assassin, for you to realize that this was UNFAIR TO ME?” Steve’s voice rises once more, all of his anger and pain finally breaking through, showing you clearly just how badly you had hurt him.
“I’m sorry!” You yell back, tears beginning to stream from your eyes, “I fucked up. I’m sorry I hurt you. That I made selfish choices. That I lied to you… I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to do any of it! But I know I did… I understand if you hate me, but I just had to make sure you knew how sorry I am… and that I still care about you.” Your voice falters as you hiccup slightly, the tears now flowing silently down your face.
“Ain’t that the god damn kicker though…” Steve speaks slowly, shaking his head slightly as he looks at you. “I don’t hate you… I wish I could… You’ve given me every reason to… But I don’t. I can’t. I still love you. I don’t know why. And I wish I didn’t. But just because your feelings changed doesn’t mean mine did.”
You stand there silently, your eyes rising slowly to Steve’s. You feel your stomach twist at his words, hearing the sincerity of the pain in his voice, the frustration at his situation. But there was nothing you could say. Nothing that would make it better. Nothing that would be able to undo his feelings. Only time could.
“Do you love him?” Steve asks, his voice softer now, as his eyes fall from yours once again. “Yes” you whisper quietly, hearing his breath catch in his chest at your word.
“Did you ever love me?” Steve whispers quietly, his voice tense as though struggling with himself over whether or not to even ask.
You feel a small knot form in your stomach as you think on his words. The less painful option would be to lie, and say you hadn’t, allow Steve a clean break to move on… but you had lied to him so much… would another lie really help him now…
“I thought I did… there was a time… You made me feel safe and happy… but, love is more than just happiness, it’s chemical… it’s unexplainable and irrational, as if everything else in the world is blurred except for that one person.” You speak quietly, the truth of your words surprising you.
Steve nods sadly, acknowledging your response as his hand rubs through his hair once more, sliding down his neck as his head hangs forward. “Hey Cap!” Sam yells down the hall, causing both of your attention to snap towards the small room.
Steve moves forward, walking past you slowly as he heads towards Sam, you hold your position, tears still sliding softly down your face. Steve stops suddenly, turning slowly to face you once more, “Does he know? About us… Does Bucky know?” He asks, his words awkward and uncomfortable.
You shake your head, “No… There wasn’t any time… it was hard to explain.” You make fervent excuses as Steve nods, a grimace pulling across his face as he turns towards the room again, jogging forward.
You take a moment to wipe your eyes, hearing Bucky’s voice filter into the large hanger from the small room. You take a deep breath and walk slowly forward towards the room. Listening closely to gage Bucky’s presence in his own mind.
“Which Bucky am I talking to?” You hear Steve growl, hearing the shadow of his anger remaining in his voice. Your steps falter as you hear Bucky’s voice in response, “Your mom’s name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.” You sink cautiously into the shadows outside of the room as your shoulder’s relax at the sound of Bucky’s quiet chuckle.
“Can’t read that in a museum.” Steve laughs softly, the ghost of a smile relaxing across his face. Sam however, remained tense and defensive, “Just like that, we’re supposed to be cool?” Sam asks skeptically as Bucky sits up slightly, wincing at the restriction of his arm as he looks around the room, eyes falling to Steve.
“Y/N? Is she alright? Where is she?” Bucky asks in a panic. You quickly slip forward into his eyesight, “I’m right here, Buck. I’m ok.” You speak softly as he gently reaches out for you with his unrestrained hand.
You feel Sam and Steve tense beside you as you move forward, trusting Bucky once again as you sink to your knees beside him. Allowing his fingers to slide gently into your hair as he pulls you close to him, taking a deep breath as his grip tenses protectively around you.
You burrow into his shoulder, a sob threatening to rip from your chest once more as you finally relax, feeling safe in the comfort of his arms, his familiar smell permeating your mind. His fingers twitch softly in your hair, rubbing your scalp as he hugs you closely.
“What did I do?” He asks softly, his voice gravely in your ears as it rumbles through his chest. You pull back from him slightly, keeping his hand in your hair as you turn your worried eyes to Steve, shooting him a look of caution. “Enough…” Steve confirms, a look of empathy flashing across his face for his poor friend.
Bucky sighs as his gaze falls, his eyes closing sadly “Oh, God, I knew this would happen. Everything Hydra put inside me is still there.” He looks sadly to you, biting his lip slightly as he looks at your face, his fingers twitching slightly as his thumb rubs lovingly against your cheek.
He turns back to Steve, looking up with somber eyes, “All he had to do was say the goddamn words.” “Who was he?” Steve asks worriedly, “I don’t know” Bucky sighs turning towards you again as your hand flies up to his cheek, pushing his hair out of his face.
“Bucky, it’s ok…” “People are dead. The bombing… the setup…” Steve interrupts you, his words hurried and harsh as he interrogates Bucky, “The doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you.” His voice is stern, causing Bucky to recoil slightly as you shoot an angry look at Steve “I need you to do better than ‘I don’t know.”
Bucky looks up at Steve again, his brow furrowing slightly in confusion as he tries to remember. His lip twitches as he tries to form the full thought, “He wanted to know about Siberia.” Bucky says finally, the look of confusion still etched on his face. He pauses for a moment, thinking further before adding, “Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where.”
“Why would he need to know that?” Steve asks cautiously, his confusion mirroring Bucky’s. Bucky tenses beside you, his gaze flashing to you as his fingers pull back from your hair, sliding down to your shoulder, his gaze flicking back to Steve in horror.
“Because…” He starts, the fear and worry causing his voice to fall into a low growl once more. “I’m not the only Winter Soldier.”
Bucky began to explain about a stolen serum. How it was administered to Hydra’s top 5 most lethal assassins. As Bucky spoke, you, Sam, and Steve cycled through asking questions. As he explained, Bucky moved slightly wincing at the restriction of his metal arm.
“Can’t we release him already? I think it is well established that he’s not going to attack us for fucks sake.” You raise your eyebrows at Steve as he nods towards Sam. Sam reluctantly moves forward, flicking the switches and raising the lever that releases Bucky.
Bucky winces slightly as his hand is freed, stretching the metal fingers as he rotates his arm gently, testing the full range of motion. You rise once more to your knees beside him, raising your eyebrows at him to make sure he is alright. He nods slightly as his hand grazes your cheek softly, flashing a small reassuring smile at you.
“Who were they?” Steve continues, wanting more information on the chosen assassins. Bucky’s attention flashes back to Steve, the tension in his jaw returning “Their most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in Hydra history. And that was before the serum.”
Sam had returned to his withdrawn position, leaning cautiously against the doorframe, but he spoke up now, “They all turn out like you?” He asks, barely hiding his dislike of Bucky. “Worse.” Bucky shoots back, tensing slightly in response to Sam’s hostility. You shift in your sitting position on the floor, drawing back closer to Bucky.
“The doctor, could he control them?” Steve asks, drawing Bucky’s attention back to him, Bucky sighs as his gaze flashes down to you, a small flash of fear dancing across his face, “Enough.” Bucky nods, confirming Steve’s fear.
“He said he wanted to make an empire fall.” Steve remembers, his gaze flashing to Sam as he thinks back on his encounter with the imposter. “With these guys he could do it,” Bucky confirms cautiously, “They speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night, you’d never see them coming.”
Bucky rambles off all the information he had, causing both Sam and Steve to tense as they realize the direness of the situation. Sam moves forward to converse with Steve, the new information now on the table.
Bucky’s head drops forward as they talk, “Hey, you did good.” You whisper as your hands fly up to his face once more, your lips rising to meet his in a soft kiss, his arms wrapping gently around you in response. “Now that we know what we’re up against, we can fight it.”
He pulls back slightly, his gaze falling once more, “Just like you had to fight me…” He whispers, his voice full of shame, “Hey… hey… Bucky, that wasn’t you. That wasn’t your fault.” His eyes flash back up to yours, his gaze tracing over your tattered and bruised appearance.
“I could have hurt you… I could have killed you…” He whispers, his voice wavering slightly. “You didn’t, you never would.” You whisper quietly as your lips rise to meet his once more, your fingers slipping softly into his hair as you pull him closer to you.
“We’re on our own” Steve announces to the room at large, interrupting your moment with Bucky as you awkwardly withdraw from him. “On our own? But what about Tony, surely he’ll help once we explain the real threat?” You respond, confused at Steve’s decision.
“The accords limit his ability to intervene, the doctor is already ahead of us, we have to act soon if we want to stop him. So for now, we are on our own.” Steve declares. “Maybe not…” Sam interrupts tentatively, everyone in the room looks at him skeptically as he smiles slightly, “I know a guy…”
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