The Houses as Teachers I've Had
- I'm sorry that this is the most steriotypical thing you'll ever read.
- Ravenclaw: 1. My english lit professor, who always got really excited and would go off on tangents for discussions, leading us all to an existential crisis at least once a week. Likes to pretend he's scary and aggressive when really he's a small walnut who really likes books. Randomly cut me off in a conversation because he decided to teach me how to 'punch men'. Likes to write books where he is always a main character because 'it's easier than actually going outside myself and trying these things out'. Literally trips over everything. 2. Another professor who was literally the king of oversharing and then would say things that were hysterical but would offend people who weren't understanding their irony. When people's logic didn't make sense, he'd keep following it until he twisted it to a humorous outcome. Also gave us all existential crises. Lectured about the correct way to live your life and when I asked what it was he went "hell if I know, I'm only making it up as I go along and hoping that when I die, God doesn't saute me".
- Slytherin: 1. My high school English teacher. Loved me, hated everyone else, failed people who were shitty in general, favoritism like no other, liked to make people debate things out but didn't have a personal point to prove. Let things slide if she liked you, very sarcastic. If you said something stupid, she would threaten to shove her stiletto heel in your eye socket. Said she only cried once in her life, and it was when she was in college and her Shakespearean Verse teacher had a thick Jamaican accent, and she never knew what was happening. 2. My Spanish teacher from Mexico who was literally so chill all the time, and only disliked like 2 people who were always antagonizing him (he failed them and passed everyone else). Would say and do everything really dramatically and said ZORRO at least once per class. Complained about the price of bananas. Gave up in the last month and just made us watch Jimmy Fallon videos every day because 'Jimmy Fallon is the man'.
- Gryffindor: 1. Skateboarded into my freshman comp. course every day, forgot to wear pants under dresses that were see-through, would make us read vague philosophical essays that she then used to advance her own personal agendas. Rarely ever taught, mostly just went on tumblr while everyone looked around frantically. Tried to convince us to raise our children genderless by giving them a name like 'turnip' and never telling anyone their sex. 2. History-enthused teacher who used modern analogies to explain american history. Was the most petty man ever, it was perfect. When 'sporty' guys in the class would refuse to participate, he would pull out a small basketball and his wastebasket, and every time they got a question correct on the verbal review, he would let them shoot. Sweet guy in general, would walk people to the nurse, authoritative and honestly ugh I love him he is my son.
- Hufflepuff: 1. Math teacher who ever Friday brought in some kind of baked good or candy, had little songs she'd dance around the classroom singing, chubby and sweet little woman, really liked Bon Jovi. 2. An advisor I met with once only because I wanted to drop a class that I was failing who sat me down for four hours. She started crying about 6 times, read me a whole bunch of motivational quotes, kept reading excerpts of the bible, and randomly having us pray together