i didn't get all the words in there

British family's perspective of inauguration on Sky News
  • Dad: *mumbling swear words a lot*
  • Me *mocking Trump*: I, orange Dorito...
  • Me *sees Bernie Sanders*: BERNIEEEEEEE YASSSSS
  • Mum (referring to Trump): Where is the shooter?
  • Mum: I wonder if one of the waiters is the shooter
  • Me: I bet Melania will kill him
  • Mum: *gasp* MABYE SHE IS THE SHOOTER
  • Dad: When does the war start?
  • Sky News woman refers to this as the apocalypse
  • Sky News woman saying how the security is very secure so a "scene" won't happen and sounds very sad about it
  • Mum *sees Obama leaving on a plane*: No, don't goooooo. Come backkk
  • Me *sees Trump supporters*: woah, look at all the white people
AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
Faking It - part 2

Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader

Characters: Bucky Barnes, reader

After getting news about a family reunion coming up, the reader decides to set up a plan to make her look like she isn’t as single as she actually is. But when all her candidates can’t go, she’s left with the only person who she least expects to go along with the plan.

Word count: 2.1k

A/N: As requested here is part 2! i went a little overboard on this, but trust me you guys it’s gonna get better! I might add a smut part, cause everyone digs that. If you want to be tagged, ask and I will kindly do so and if I forgot to tag you please tell me. *Gif isn’t mine

Part 1 

Masterlist

Originally posted by ajl-bae

“And remember my Mother loves it when men are absolute gentleman,” You said as you stopped the car in front of your family beach house.

“Y/N, I grew up in the 1900s, I’m probably more of a gentleman that every single one of those men in that house combined,” Bucky insisted as he tugged down his long sleeved gray henly.

Sadness washed over you as you realized that he was trying to conceal his metal arm. It dawned on you, Bucky was probably struggling with himself about this whole situation. For your sake, he went along with the plan and it made your heart swell.

You reached out and stopped his hand, instead you rolled up the sleeves on both of his arms and smiled, “You don’t have to do that.”

“But won’t your family be afraid?” He asked.

You shrugged, “Does it look like I care what they think? We’re dating, well fake dating, and when you’re fake dating, you love that person unconditionally. Even if they have a metal arm.”

He smiled slyly at you. “Then let’s get in there and fake the shit out of this.”

You stepped out of the car and breathed in the Californian air. The sea breeze engulfed your senses and you were suddenly a teenager again. An angsty one, but a teenager nonetheless. Memories of you sitting on the warm sand with the sun beating down on you flooded your mind. You missed it.

“Go in without me, I’ll be there in a bit,” Bucky said.

“What?” You snapped your head in his direction. “We’re supposed to go in together.”

“Trust me,” He added. “Have a little faith in me, doll.”

You groaned, “Just hurry up.”

With a last deep breath, you walked towards the house. You smoothed down your black striped t-shirt dress and made sure your black boots were spotless. The noise was heard even before you got inside. Your family was loud, so it would be a surprise if you got through the night without an argument breaking out. You spoke too soon.

“The pot is mine!” You recognized the voice as your Aunt Nancy.

“Nuh uh!” Your Aunt Betty remarked. “See that dent right there! Susie made is when she dropped it on the floor! Now give it here you old hag.”

Bickering followed quickly and you heard your Mother trying to break the fight between her two sisters. You opened the door, knowing it would be unlocked and stepped inside. All eyes were on you. The entire family was there. Your grandpa was there from your Mother’s side as well as both your grandparents from your dad’s side of the family. Your mother had three siblings. Your Aunt Nancy and Betty were her sisters and Uncle Matt was her brother. Nancy, Betty, and Matt were all married. Nancy has two kids, Betty has five and Matt has one.

Your Dad’s side of the family was much bigger. He has five siblings. Your Uncle Danny, Joel, and Freddy. Aunt Hazel is the second to youngest and the only girl. Uncle Joel is the youngest and constantly getting a new partner. It would be no surprise if he has a new boyfriend or girlfriend by next week. Danny has four kids, Freddy and Hazel both have two. By the looks of it, Aunt Hazel has a third one on the way.

“Y/N!” Your Mother exclaimed in glee. “I can’t believe you were able to make it!” She pulled you into a hug. “It’s been so long.”

“Yeah, well I left California for a reason,” You mumbled and hugged her back.

It’s true. No matter how much you missed your Mother and Father, there was a great reason as to why you left in the first place. It was your aunts. Mostly from your Mother’s side. They were such hypocrites and always had something to day about you.

“Ha! See, I told you she was still single Flor,” Your Aunt Betty told your Mother.

“Oh quiet you,” Your mom shut her up. “It’s alright, I understand.”

Before you could say anything, your sister spoke up.

“Still dressing in black I can see,” She remarked and embraced you.

“Missed you, Erika,” You smiled. “Let me see the rock.”

Erika flashed you her engagement ring that was on her finger. No doubt waiting for the exact moment in which she could show you her new jewelry. After all the greeting and embraces from family that actually missed you, the comments began.

“Did you gain weight?” Aunt Nancy asked.

“Yes, it’s called muscle, something you don’t know about,” You shot back.

“Well, would you look at that? The girl grew a backbone,” Betty laughed. “Yet she couldn’t find a man.”

You were being torn apart by your aunts and you were at that breaking point. Just as you were about to snap at them, a voice form behind saved you.

“Hello.”

Everyone turned their attention to Bucky who walked into the house. He held a bouquet of flowers and you silently thanked him. He walked over and planted a long kiss on your lips. You weren’t expecting it, but were quick to melt under his touch.  

When you faced your family once again, they were all gawking at the man that just entered the house. Your Mother smiled widely and you sister seemed to nod in approval.

“James Barnes,” He greeted.

“This is my boyfriend,” You added.

“These are for you Mrs. Y/L/N,” Bucky gave the flowers to your Mother. “I wasn’t sure what flowers you liked so I decided to go with Y/N’s  favorite; asters.”

You didn’t know how he found out that those were your favorite flowers, but at that moment, you didn’t care. He just made himself look like a gentleman, and that’s all you cared about.

Bucky shook hands with all the men of the family and hugged each woman. You couldn’t help but notice Aunt Betty’s glance at his metal arm, you knew immediately that she was going to give you shit about it.

“Let’s eat!” Your father announced.


“So James, where’d you meet Y/N,” Your Mother asks.

“Please, call me Bucky,” He smiled before looking at you. “We met at work.”

“As you all know, I am Tony Stark’s secretary,” You added. “And Steve Rogers happens to be a close friend of mine. He introduced us.”

“You know Captain America?” One of your nephews asked.

You nodded, “Bucky here is his best friend.”

“He and I go way, way back,” He chuckled.

“You sure did have a great life in New York,” Erika stated.

You intertwined your fingers with Bucky’s. It was metal arm, he looked at you, as if surprised that you’d do such a daring move. “It’s great! Mr. Stark gave me an amazing room in his tower.”

“But she hardly sleeps in it cause she’s always with me,” Bucky added before the both of you burst into a light chuckled.

“How long have you been together?” Aunt Hazel asked.

“A little over a year,” He replied.

“A year?” Aunt Nancy spoke up. “You mean you’ve been hiding this hunk for over a year?”

You cringed at her statement. Bucky squeezed your hand. You couldn’t wait til this day was over.


“And remember that tomorrow is the barbecue by the beach!” You mother called as you left the house. “Nice meeting you Bucky.”

“Nice meeting you too Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“That was terrible,” You mumbled.

“Did I do something wrong?” Bucky asked, genuinely concerned.

“Oh, no, you did great. Did you see their faces when you came in?” You laughed.

“What’s the deal with your Aunts?” He continued.

You shook your head, “They’ve always been like that. Now you can see why I left. They’re not the best people.” You handed Bucky your phone that had the Google Maps open. “Tony is letting us stay at one of his houses.”

“How much did you have to pay for him to do that?” He mumbled.

“Nothing at all,” You replied matter-oh-factly.

Honestly, Bucky, you surprise me. You had such good manners,“ You smiled. “Is that how you got your reputation as a certified ladies man?”

He laughed. It was a joy-filled laugh and it made you want to hear it again. You weren’t sure if it was because you hardly heard him laugh, but now that you did, you wanted to make him laugh again just so you can hear him. So you can be the reason for that laughter. For that happiness.

“Your family’s pretty cool,” Bucky said, ignoring your question.

You rolled your eyes, “Did you hear my nieces and nephews?” A migraine blossomed into your head at the simple memory of all the screaming and crying that you endured for the past three hours.

“And you’re gonna have to handle that all day tomorrow as well,” He noted as if reading your mind.

“Yes and no,” You paused and scrunched your nose. “We can go, make an appearance then maybe leave the barbecue and come back to the house. It’ll be fun!”


“Whoa,” Your mouth was agape as you stared up at the grand Stark mansion. The house sat on a hill, overlooking the beach that was far below. You were astonished at the trust Tony had in both you and Bucky to stay in his beautiful home.

“Holy shit,” You heard Bucky whisper next to you.

The inside was even better. Tony’s exquisite taste in home décor shone brightly in the interior of this home. Each item, no doubt was hand-picked by Tony. The vibrant colors blended together perfectly. You rushed towards the closed curtains and pulled them apart. Just as you imagined, the windows had a captivating view of the beach. The windows stretched from floor to ceiling, never missing a single detail of the scene that was before your eyes.

Bucky let out a low whistle, “Stark must’ve paid a fortune for this view.”

“Yeah, probably worth than both of us combined. So try not to break anything.”

The two of you began your search for the bedrooms. You considered the idea to call Tony and ask him for directions, but decided against it since it was already late in New York. You found the kitchen, which is equally as glorious as the house itself. You found his tech room, that you decided to keep shut to indicate that it was off limits. Finally you found the bedroom. Turns out, that was the only bedroom there was.

Bucky scratched the back of his neck, “Well, I can take the couch. It must be comfortable as well, right?”

“Are you sure? I can gladly take the couch,” You intervened.

“Y/N,” He said. “I insist.”

“So big of a house and you’d think that Tony would spare rooms,” You exhaled. “But then again, this home was for him and Pepper.”

“At least each room has a spectacular view,” He gazed out into the stretched out view. The sun was just beginning to set. Orange, red and rosy fingers seemed to streaked across the clouds. The colors reflected off the water, adding an even more profound beauty to it all.

You and Bucky spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch, eating pizza and watching whatever was on the TV. The pizza delivery guy seemed to be a bit bummed out when he only received a five dollar tip. Maybe he thought that you and Bucky were cheapskates, considering the fact that you were ‘living’ in a home as magnificent as this one.

After two movies, two boxes of pizza and several mindless conversation, you and Bucky decided to call it a day. You dug through your bag in search for your sleeping shirt. Realization struck you and you dragged your hand down your face as you groaned loudly. You had left you sleeping shirt back at the facility. How could I fucking forget? You mentally scolded yourself.

“Bucky,” His name fell from your lips as a groan and slumped towards the bathroom.

He stood over the sink. His dark locks were pulled back in a bun to keep them out of his face. He looked up and quirked an eyebrow at your state.

“This is gonna sound a bit strange, but do you have a shirt I can borrow? I left mine at the facility.”

He shook his head, “Oh Y/N, always so forgetful.”

“It wasn’t my fault!” You insisted and followed him out of the bathroom.

He reached into his bag and tossed you one of his shirts. You unfolded it and the letters read ‘Pink Floyd 1972 World Tour.’ You shrugged and decided that it will do.

“Thanks, Buck,” You smiled.

“Your welcome and get some sleep! I don’t want you complaining about how tired you are when we’re about to get ten hours of sleep,” He called.

You tossed him a pillow and blanket before standing up straight and saluting, “Yes sir.”

He rolled his eyes and smiled, “You’re the worst fake girlfriend ever.”

tagged:  @secrets-rain @buckys-other-punk @lost-to-my-mind@fearthedietcoke @sheerio-styles@angelpeachamber @my-jekyll-doesnt-hide @5-seconds-of-sebastian-stan @barnes-and-noble-girl@procrastinatingvirgo @juliagolia87 @avengerswitch @fav-fan-fic@nebulaeofpie@shamvictoria11 @brooklynnewsie1899@caitsymichelle13@jade-cheshire@i-want-to-fuck-that-dorito-man@theriumking @faithful-music @myhighanddry-blog@amrita31199 @nadialinett14 @heismyhunter @marvelgoateecollection@hattnco@imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @ambrosedreamer @heyitsannexcx @crazy-attack@glitterangell @dontdumpyour-wackadoo-onme @writemeatale @akaganhan @lexbugz @star-arm-and-shield @carpe-diem-infinity21 @ithecrownjewel @willowtighe @sebstan01 @white-calamity @spn-worm @dummheitfeiertseincomeback @kcsavege4134 @darkheartvamp @baileys-corner @t0ny-st4nk @buckyb-avengers @lilacs-lavender @-tulipsunflower- @faithfulpanicmoon @cutecuddlycalpal @virtualenemygalaxy @winter-in-wakanda

Tales as Old as Time (½)

Aka “I had a vivid dream about this and need to write it out in bullet points”

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He repeated it to himself in a mantra. Today would be the day, today would be the day, today would be the day.

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Let’s just talk about this video real quick

As always starting off with some basic heart eyes

More heart eyes

Caspar: You are fascinating

Joe: … and you’ll be a lot less - what’s the word?

Caspar: Embarrassed

Joe: That’s the one

As always reading each other’s mind and I’m just crying

You’ll get a crick in your neck if you keep staring at Joe like that, Caspar, sweetie 

My fucking heart

CASPAR JUST

Joe: I may have [a tattoo], it may just be in an area you’ve never seen before, mate

Um, Joe, I think we all know that Caspar has seen you naked plenty of times

Joe: Now I’m just too busy looking after you

I can’t take this any longer

Joe: Do you like my sister?

Yeah, after all the heart eyes Caspar has given you throughout the first three minutes of this video, I am very sure he is crushing on your sister, Joe

Yeah, he’s crushing on Zoe so hard, like wow

And thus, the video ends as it began: with heart eyes

To see the other analyses I have done, check out the masterlist!

Baby Too Soon | Part 2

I’m sorry it took longer than I hoped to get this out. I’ve been having major writer’s block, but I manage to finally finished this one. I hope you all enjoy it. 

PART 1

word count: 4,095


I’m standing in front of my body length mirror looking down at my unbuttoned pants; I could have sworn these fit me a few days ago. I groan as I try once more to button them up, but I give up quickly when I realize it’s no use. I hear rustling behind me and turn to see Lucas climbing in through the bay window.

“I think I might need new clothes,” I sigh.

He walks closer to me kissing my forehead softly. “I think it’s time we tell your parents.” I don’t say anything. I walk over to my closet kicking off my jeans. I grab a pair of leggings and quickly slide them up, and pull out my flowy blouse that got caught inside. Lucas takes a few steps towards me, “Riley, I don’t know how much longer you think we can hide this. We were supposed to tell them months ago.”

Keep reading

Signature Moves: Villain Edition

Tai Lung: git good scrub

ShenI HAVE A SNAZZY TAIL AND YOU DONT

Kai: you spin me right round baby right round


Signature Moves
Signature Moves: Villain Edition (you are here!)
Signature Moves: Dad Edition

A Conundrum of Emphasis, or Which Syllable Strikes Hardest

Correct pronunciation becomes an unsolvable riddle unless we discover the significance of Paleozoic cave paintings included in the philological studies of the primary texts of Methuselah.

WA-hoogaaaa” – Stress upon the first, draw out last, and we are at the beginning of an All Blacks rugby game.

“wa-HOOOO-ga” – Weight in the middle is reminiscent of a train. Specifically, the one your mother sang whilst trying to get the spoon full of Malt-O-Meal passed your locked lips.

“wa-hoo-GA” – Upon acing one’s final exams, one will most likely ascribe most of the importance towards the end.

There are, of course, other phonetical options. Feel free to mix and match. This is the type of word best pronounced with the situation in mind.

~ LKT

2

          NOOT!

While the advantages to sharing cooking duties with everyone in the house are plentiful. There are the occasional drawbacks. My West Virginian mother, who despite 20 years in New Orleans, still has no idea how to season food and also still uses the dry, tough recipes she learned “up north” (yes, I’m using that term liberally). 

And my brother that thinks the word “spicy” can only mean, so hot it burns the tastebuds off your tongue.

I miss flavor some nights.

To all of you who asked, Atena seems to feel much better, we just have to wait a couple of days to see if the new therapy works, so we’ll go on Monday to get her blood tested. Then we’ll heve to keep checking it for the next few weeks, too.

I can’t express my gratitude enough to all of you for your support. You are all amazing, and really, I have no words for it.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Fannibals are the best ♥ I’m hugging you all

Originally posted by bonearenaofmyskull

2

Welp, in the span of a day my Exalt Sumia post is in competition with my gay Chrobin S Support for my all-time most popular post. I’d say this about sums up the reaction… 

WE’RE BACK GUYS!!

After an entire month of obnoxious finals & all-nighters I’m super glad to announce that ASK-THAUMATURGE-PONYs updates will resume this weekend, weirder and more awkward than ever.

(You can read the latest one HERE.)

ALSO I’ve heard your cries of despair and decided to open my art-only blog: AZIMOOTH-ARTS, where you’ll be able to scroll through my stuff without my annoying text posts.

And FINALLY, to those of you who’re looking forward to buying prints, magnets & buttons from me: SOON.

You guys rock. I missed you all.

-♔ AZIMOOTH!! ♔

anonymous asked:

3? 😊

3. (dare) list all nine of your tumblr crushes, and describe each blog/blogger in one word (these aren’t really crushes but anyway)

@princesslouis bees
@louispeachyass Gay
@dansucc aesthetic
@voguelourry PURE
@calmfairy angel
@tempolarriefix puns
@blue-louis parent
@rogueandeskimo pain
@velvetsweater ..why

(hdgsh i’m sorry guys ily all,, one word isn’t enough)

send me truths and dares!

The mountain is a mother
cradles you in arms of stone
keeping you safe
keeping you sane
a haven, a home, a temple.

The mountain is a father
protects you with its tumbling wrath
puts fire in your blood
and courage in your heart
a fortress, a kingdom, a city.

The mountain is both parent and child
bids you welcome when you return
stifles your screams
soothes your fears
a lullaby, a hearth, a tomb.

But he, he is the one you truly need -
wraps you in his loving arms
stills the tears
quiets the trembling
a lover, a friend, your One.

—  Erebor is Dwalin’s home, but without Nori he would never be able to bear the weight of it pressing down on his shoulders.