i didn't even have to do anything to make this be a thing

cinderella: redo

so i was watching cinderella while doing my nails and waiting for them to dry which was clearly a Mistake because now i can’t help but think -

the evil stepmother was always evil, okay. say her abuse of her own daughters was different than that of cinderella’s - but it was still abuse. giving them impossible expectations, telling them they were never good enough, never pretty enough, never smart enough. and then she gets married, and anastasia and drizella are ecstatic because this man seems kind and warm and maybe just maybe he can temper their mother, maybe with him around she won’t be so cruel. so they’re on their very best behavior in the beginning, they do just as their mother taught - they trot out their best upper court manners in an attempt to get their new stepfather to like them. but it just comes off as cold and snooty and they’re trying, they are, they’re just bad at it. and they see how he is with cinderella, the smiling girl their own age, and they are jealous. they don’t mean to be, they try not to be, they know it isn’t becoming of young ladies. but she gets hugs and kisses and affection and they get rulers slapped on their hands when they reach for desert and sharp jabs to their sides when they slouch and - soon they hate cinderella, not for anything she’s done, but for what she has and they dont

but then her father dies. and it’s all a tumble of things and cinderella is crying and they’ve lost their only chance at escaping their mother’s clutches and it’s terrible. and everything settles and there’s no reason to be jealous anymore but resentment is hard to let go of and they don’t know what to do. they’re only kids too after all. and they’re so terribly bad at comforting people, they can do flowery words and know all the right bows but cinderella is so sad and they just don’t know what to do with that, because they’re supposed to be sisters but they’re not even friends

and slowly but surely their mother starts abusing cinderella, starts making her a maid in her own home, and she’s their mother, what are anastasia and drizella supposed to do? she rules them with an iron fist, and cinderella doesn’t even like them anyway, it’s none of their business.

except one night anastasia crawls into her sister’s bed in the middle of the night and wakes her up. “i was thirsty,” she explains, eyes wide and shiny, and they’re bad at this with other people but drizella has no problems with pulling anastasia into her arms. the younger girl clutches her sister and continues, “i was thirsty and i went down to the kitchen to get some water and - and cinderella is still up! she’s doing the dishes, and she should be asleep, mom is going to make her make breakfast in the morning and -” she cuts herself off with a hiccup and whispers, “it’s not fair.”

“life isn’t fair,” drizella says, echoing one of their mother’s favorite phrases. but her sister is staring at her with wet eyes, and it’s not like their mother is likely to get up before sunrise anyway, she hates waking up, so she pulls herself and anastasia out of bed and off they go.

Keep reading

7

ok heAR ME OUT: Voltron Art School AU (totally self-indulgent and based off the art school I’m going to coughcough nvm) 

I wrote many cool n’ pretty wild headcanons for it so uhhhh, read under the cut: 

Keep reading

scutellatebooted  asked:

Hi Doc! Love reading your blog, I found you first through the Lucifer story (reminded me of a friend of mine actually) and then again through your mermaid post and have been hanging around ever since. I looked thru your archive but didn't find this question so hopefully it hasn't been asked before: what is it about horse anatomy that makes their legs so (seemingly) fragile? You'd think being as big as they are, they'd be more all-around solid. Thanks for reading, have a good one!

The horse, Equus caballus, is one of my favorite arguments against Intelligent Design. I’ve spoken before about why I no longer see them, but even as a student I would wonder why and how this species existed when there were apparently so many things that could go wrong with its own anatomy, especially next to something tough like a trusty cow.

I don’t know how it’s possible to believe in a benevolent, loving, wise creator when creatures like the horse come to exist.

So I’m going to use your question as an excuse to write a post that had been on my mind for a while:

Things That Are Wrong With Horses

The basic structure of a horse has a few significant design flaws.

  1. Cannot vomit. This means that anything which would make another species sick enough to vomit results in a horse getting s distended stomach and colic, where the stomach can rupture and the horse can die. Also means symptoms of illness are hidden longer
  2. The large bowel (hind gut) of the horse is fricking huge, but can actually displace itself and bend around the wrong way, resulting in obstruction, colic and death without surgical intervention. This can commonly happen after exertion (splenic contraction) and giving birth. Colic due to nephrosplenic entrapment is particularly common after the horse has an adrenaline release, which causes the spleen to temporarily contract, and this seems like a poor design to risk death every time you spook or go for a fast run, especially in a species known for spooking and running fast.
  3. Giving birth is a fast and explosive affair in the horse. The whole pushing business should be over and  done with in about 20 minutes, however this assumes that everything is lined up just right for a normal delivery. Foals are all long legs and necks, which are easy to get tangled or bent around the wrong way. A mare is strong enough to push her foal’s feet through her uterine wall, which is death all round.
  4. Speaking of strength, sometimes horses will kick each other when they have attitude, and they can do so with enough strength to rupture each other’s spleens.
  5. When galloping most horses, best studied in thoroughbreds because they are made to gallop on a regular basis, horses routinely bash their diaphragm with such force against their liver that their liver bruises.
  6. Galloping also often makes their lungs bleed. That’s why racehorses have their head held up after a race, so you don’t see any blood come out their nose and disqualify them. Even horses that you don’t see bleed have evidence of pulmonary bleeding after a gallop if you scope them.
  7. Their leg bones are actually pretty damn tough, but the ends are spindly little things compared to the mass of musculature up top. Their legs are subjected to huge biomechanical forces when a horse runs which can often subject them to ligament damage and lameness. A fractured leg bone can heal like any other, but if a horse can’t bear weight evenly on all four legs for an extended period of time (eg after a fracture) then they are at risk of laminitis.
  8. Laminitis can cause the hoof to slough off. (Aaargh!) They can also get laminitis from eating a bit too well.
  9. Speaking of eating, they can also get colic (and risk death) from eating not enough fiber or the wrong sort of plants or from eating too much dirt.
  10. Oh, and just to mess with you, horses have a space in their head called a guttural pouch which seems to exist for no other reason as far as I can tell (okay, maybe it’s about heat regulation) other than to get fungal infections that eat through the exposed artery and cause the horse to die from blood loss through it’s nose.

And Bonus: Exquisite sensitivity to tetanus and vulnerability to Hendravirus

This list is by no means complete. I haven’t even touched on their anesthetics or drug reactions, but it’s a simple start.

anonymous asked:

I know you didn't say anything about hating vegans or anything but are we actually doing a bad job? like is all of this just a lie and not actually helping the environment or anything :/ because one of the biggest reason for me to go vegan is cause of environmental issues and all

I don’t hate vegans, not the ones that aren’t spreading misinformation or think they are on some sort of moral high ground to everyone else. But I don’t agree with it myself because it is all superficial, without any proper action if I’m being honest.

And when there is action it’s usually targeted at the wrong issue and does more harmful then good. My main issue is that vegans see animals as very individual. They want to save every single cow or pig or chicken without thinking about it rationally or about the horrible impact that would have no important species (species that are actually vital to ecosystems). Veganism fails to see the bigger more important picture. 

“Saving” domesticated farm animals is not important. I’m sorry but it’s just not. Not when it means “saving” these animals will have drastic negative effects. 

I mean there are always ways that agricultural and animal industries can be improved. But just refusing to buy meat or use animal products don’t change anything. And realistically we’re not going to stop eating meat or producing wool ect. You have to understand that and accept it and look at ways to improve those processes not try and shut them down completely.  

And more veganism just means more demand for certain crops, which require more land clearing + more pesticides ect. Veganism is just as bad for the environment and animals as any other diet is. In a capitalist society there really isn’t any ethical consumption.

The world and the environment can’t survive under a capitalist society. Capitalism is what’s stopping us from using green energy solutions or inverting more. Not because these solutions are “expensive” or hard to make or whatever use excuses are being made. It’s because they won’t make as much money as easily. 

Just like buying honey isn’t going to “save the bees” or turning the tap off when you brush your teeth won’t save water. They’re things corporations and company’s push because they’re easy and shift the blame onto consumers and away from them. 

We need to look into real solutions. Realistic solutions that aren’t just superficial I-want-to-feel-good-without-doing-anything-too-hard “solutions” but real ones. And they need to be towards actual important significant issues.  Animals being killed for a source of food or harvesting honey or wool, is not even close to being an issue we should be worried about. 

I’m sorry that you’ve been led to think otherwise, there is alot of misinformation out there and people will lie to get their agenda across. But veganism just doesn’t help the environment. It just doesn’t. 

The 13 profiles
  • Justin foley: PROS- Most of the shit he did could be blamed on his abusive behaviour and his conflict between his debt to his friend and doing the right thing, loved his girlfriend, tried to stand up to his mom's shitty boyfriend
  • CONS- Was a rape apologist, had no balls and never stood up to his jerk best friend when he harassed both the girls he was in a relationship with,was prepared to kill Clay to protect his reputation
  • Alex Standall: PROS- Was man enough to own up to every mistake, stood up for what he believed in, whether it helped him or not, he was so guilty that he soon started showing suicidal tendencies like picking fights he knew he couldn't win or trying to drown himself in a pool, answered everything in a snarky way and sassed justin constantly, comforted clay after jeff's death, allowed justin to stay at his place despite their little rivalry, stayed friends with Jessica despite breaking up with her (albeit it was her fault), DIDN'T EXCUSED BRYCE'S RAPIST ASS
  • CONS: Broke up with jessica when she refused to have sex with him, didn't tell Hannah about their relationship and allowed her to think that they just drifted apart, dragged hannah into their fight and broke Jessica's friendship with her, humiliated hannah and objectified her, didn't correct the jocks when they implied a relationship between them both, hung out with bryce despite knowing what he did to hannah and jessica, tried to threaten clay into silence, never apologized to jessica for his behaviour, was mean to Tyler even before knowing what he did to Hannah
  • Jessica Davis: PROS: was good friends with hannah, stayed away from justin once she realized how he had let bryce rape her
  • CONS: Immediately assumed that the reason the two broke up was not because of Alex, but because of Hannah, SLAPPED HER, stood Hannah up at Monet's, got into a relationship with Alex and never told Hannah about it, got into a relationship with the guy who ruined Hannah's relationship and never told her, showed violent tendencies by hitting Justin with those metal pieces used to break the bulb, hung out with Bryce to make Justin angry
  • Tyler Down: PROS:Has reasons for his behaviour, being the social outcast and all, (not redeemable though)
  • CONS: He's a fucking creep, shows school shooter tendencies, and most probably killed Alex, need i say anything more?
  • Courtney Crimsen: PROS: none. All she cared about was her parent's and her own reputation
  • CONS: Was fake af, used Hannah to get a ride to the dance, stopped talking to Hannah the second it hurt her reputation, spread more rumours about her and hid behind the lies, WAS A RAPE APOLOGIST despite holding no affection for bryce, wasn't ready even till the end to accept her faults,fucking hate this bitch
  • Marcus Cooley: PROS: None, didn't care about anything but his reputation
  • CONS: Tried to threaten Clay into silence, stayed with Bryce despite knowing about what he did, RAPE APOLOGIST, basically sexually assaulted Hannah, was fake af with the teachers
  • Zach Dempsey: PROS: sat next to Hannah as an effort to comfort her and apologized for his friend, bought the milkshakes for her, was genuinely nice to her, most of his reactions were out of anger, tried to be nice but failed really bad, kept her note
  • CONS: Stole her notes, was one of the jocks that objectified Hannah, tried to threaten Clay into silence, had a sister but never realized how much his actions could hurt girls, hung out with Bryce despite knowing what he did to Hannah, was a rape apologist, was ready to put the whole blame on bryce
  • Ryan Shaver: PROS: was a great poet, agreed to help Hannah with poetry, tried to make amends for his mistake by buying Hannah a gift, tried to get Hannah to be confident about her work, was really (too) passionate about his 'zine, WASN'T A RAPE APOLOGIST, was blunt and called courtney out on her shit
  • CONS: arrogant, invaded Hannah's privacy
  • Clay: PROS: EVERYTHING CLAY JENSEN WAS AN IDIOT BUT HE WAS THE SWEETEST IDIOT EVER
  • CONS: was really oblivious (couldn't figure his friend was gay, didn't know what to say to Hannah etc.), was emotionally unstable, was reckless, usually too determined to do the right thing, even if he hurt himself in the process, pushed people away and grew cynical because of the tapes
  • Sheri Holland: PROS: Genuinely cared about Clay, owned up to her shit in the end
  • CONS: Tried to manipulate Clay into not listening to the tapes, hung out with Bryce despite knowing what he did, left Hannah in the middle of the night alone in some random place despite her being drunk just because she disagreed with her, (indirectly) caused the death of the purest character in the show
  • BRYCE WALKER: PROS: NONE THIS DICKWAD DESERVED TO ROT IN HELL AND CHOKE ON STAPLE PINS
  • CONS: everything he did, the fact that this rapist was even alive
  • Mr Porter: was a fucking dumbass who didn't deserve his job
3

Hypothetical Handplates scenario in which Sans realizes he can teach himself Common.

(Ugh, tumblr is making them blurry for some reason so I guess full-view if you want the not-blurry version??)

Convoluted explanation incoming. Handplates is an Undertale fancomic by @zarla-s and if you like Papyrus and Sans, go read it, is good stuff. So I guess this is an AU fancomic of an AU fancomic? I dunno, the idea wouldn’t leave my brain until I did something with it. So. Zarla did a Christmas doodle where Gaster gave the boys a box of ginger cookies that had the word COOKIES on the side in big letters, and because my job gives me way too much time to think about random stuff, I realized something.

In Handplates, Gaster taught the bros to read and write Wingdings but deliberately did not teach them monster Common (ie: English) so they can’t read his nametag or anything. Thing is, Wingdings is a 1:1 substitution cipher for English. Every Wingdings symbol exactly equals an English letter; it’s not a different language, just a different set of pictures. As somebody who has taught herself a fair number of substitution ciphers, there are a few things you look for when you’re trying to translate a code and you don’t have a key in front of you. Most notably, single-letter words (in English they will usually be A or I) or double letters next to each other. Like the OO in “COOKIES”.

Sans is smart. Gaster has fed them junk food before and odds are good Sans knows how to spell “COOKIES”. The word is on the box in huge letters and Gaster just said it out loud, so it is fresh in Sans’ mind. That double-O is a huge tip-off. He would put it together that the word on the front of the box matches what’s inside. Once you figure out a few of the letters, it becomes steadily easier to decode the rest.

I feel like Gaster exposes the boys to enough Common (the nametag, food wrappers, computer monitors, the books Sans sits on) that Sans could pick it up with a proper starting point. Papyrus probably not, because he had a hard enough time with Wingdings, but Sans is eager for any opportunity to undermine Gaster and I’m sure he’d jump at the chance. In this comic he elects not to tell Papyrus, though. He doesn’t know Gaster has cameras in the cell (or even what a camera is) but he’s figured out that Gaster can spy on them somehow, and the last time Gaster caught them learning something he didn’t like, Papyrus got the ever-loving hell beat out of him. So Sans keeps quiet about it for now. And thus starts the long-standing tradition of keeping important secrets from his brother.

On the technical side, it took me a freakin’ week to sketch and outline this whole thing. Coloring and shading only took me like a day. In the meantime Zarla actually kinda addressed the cookie comic, but this was almost done by then so oh well. I’m finding my poses and proportions turn out a LOT better when I’m doodling skeletons, like what, drawing basic anatomy will make you better at anatomy, you don’t say?? A lot of this was a self-challenge to see if I could imitate Zarla’s art style, and I referenced previous Handplates comics a lot for the backgrounds and Sans’ face. Full disclosure: Gaster’s pose up there is basically copied from Zarla’s original comic because I was rushing through to get on to the actual meat of the story. He’s just here for setup. I had fun trying to figure out how to do his Lost Soul head though. Also, I hate Papyrus’ face from the front. Also also, it was tricky trying to convey “mentally translating an unknown alphabet into a known one” when pretty much everyone who sees this comic is already familiar with the “unknown” one and not the “known” one, but I think I pulled it off. 

TL;DR- I imitated somebody else’s style to do an AU of an AU; I am not Zarla; Zarla is the creator of Handplates and also Gaster’s pose in the first panel; I like ciphers too much and also I gave the cookies icing because that is the only kind of ginger cookie I know.

Miraculous Headcanon

Warning: i have been adding to this headcanon for nearly a month so it is pretty long xD OOPS SORRY NOT SORRY (i did put a cut though, so, yeah) NO REGRETS

  • Marinette is a youtuber
  • Her channel consists of mostly sped up videos of her drawing designs and making her designs. Some have voice over, some have soothing and relaxing music.
  • Her channel blew up
  • Partially because, wow, she’s really talented for only being in high school
  • And people just really enjoyed watching her work, it’s very unique
  • Sometimes she’ll do simple tutorials on how to make a simple skirt, or get started on designing, but those are more rare videos
  • She has a second channel that is less professional than her main, where she posts a bunch of random vlogs that her and Alya take whenever they do something interesting, or even some random challenges. Most of these videos involve Alya, since she got Marinette to make a second channel for fun vlogs
  • Her international followers (#subtitles) find it very interesting anytime she talks about Ladybug and Chat Noir because there are legit superheroes in Paris and no other part of the world has seen that.
  • They vlog all sorts of things
    • going to the craft store for new fabrics, buttons, patterns, literally anything Marinette needs for her next project (or they’re just bored)
    • They record random things they see around Paris, cosplayers of LB and CN, pigeons being weird, aesthetics
    • Alya and Marinette have a weekly “review” which includes Alya buying something for Marinette to review- mostly themed around her favorite heroes
    • Sometimes just walking around the mall. Nino is spotted in many vlogs as well, but Adrien is rarely seen since he is already around so many cameras in his normal life Marinette is respecting his privacy
  • A lot more below the cut because I have been working on this headcanon for nearly a month!

Keep reading

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

drmuffinofdoom  asked:

I can't believe that I didn't ask this before now but- do you have any Drarry fic recs??? Pls tell me you do

CRACKS KNUCKLES, lemme go through ye ol archives of my favs >D

Running on Air

eleventy7

Summary:

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

(I’ve rec’d this one before but I will keep pushing it on everyone because its the bEST ITS MY FAVORITE ONE OK I live for the mood and the entire fic is like a walking aesthetic and the characters are portrayed pERFE C T LY goddang)

No Shadow Taller Than Our Souls

khasael

Summary:

Auror Potter and Unspeakable Malfoy team up to investigate a series of missing persons, and it soon becomes apparent that Dementors are involved. Despite their initial misgivings, Harry and Draco find that they need each other’s help, in more ways than one.

(I literally just finished reading this one like 10 minutes ago and it was a good good. A lot of interesting Dementor lore!!)

Reparatio

astolat

Summary:

Draco snorted. “I’m not reduced to penury. I want something considerably beyond money, and I rather think you’re the only one can give it to me.”

“You want the Invisibility Cloak,” Harry said, flatly. He’d half expected as much; it was the only thing he had that Draco could want—

“Don’t be stupid, Potter,” Draco said. “I want my reputation back.”

(I remember really liking this one and I thiiiiink this one has some good good ministry ball courtship-ing and stuff lmao


Actually looking now anything by astolat is good)


The Boy Who Only Lived Twice

lettered

Summary:

Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It’s all right here, folks.

(THE SUMMARY DOESNT LIE. I TREALLY IS SECRET IDENTITIES, CELEBS, aND SPIESsseSSEs. But really this one is so well written and I’m a sucker for spy/thriller types and this blends the wizarding world into the genre so well im cryinnngngg)

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes

Omi_Ohmy

Summary:

Harry’s house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it’s Draco Malfoy

(this one is just *clenches fist* so pure. The house has so much character I cant even believe. And Draco being the smartie mcsmartpants is my favorite thing ever.)

Open For Repairs

FeelsForBreakfast

Summary:

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

(this one melted my heart and rebuilt it. Better. STrONGER. Seriously tho this has everything in it.)

 And basically anything Saras_girl on a03 writes is like a gold standard.~ I might make a more indepth list when I actually compile all the ones I’ve read (theres a lot oh god) but these are goods!

THE SIGNS AS WOMEN I KNOW
  • Aries: A real force of nature. Steals a room when she walks into it, but has gone through an intense period of transformation. Has a natural sense of humour and almost always has a smile on her face, even if forced.
  • Taurus: Knows how to be in charge, but only when she feels like it. Likes nice things but likes food even more. Is torn between travelling the world and staying in her bed forever.
  • Gemini: Can float through a room talking to everyone she meets, but goes through periods of intense hibernation in order to recharge. Has an odd sense of humour but ALWAYS gets what she wants.
  • Cancer: Knows that she needs to put herself first more, but is still not sure how to do it. Has been trampled on a million times but still manages to radiate love from her fingertips. Extremely strong maternal instinct.
  • Leo: Desperately wants attention but doesn't know what to do with it. Will give up everything for the people she loves, but may easily forget about those close to her when she gets distracted by something new.
  • Virgo: Likes to stay active and in control of her life. Never really lets loose like she should, but supports everyone around her having a good time.
  • Libra: Takes care of everyone around her, even if she doesn't want to. Knows the solution to every problem, loves beautiful things, wants to see people smile, has so much compassion that it overflows out of her.
  • Scorpio: Powerful enough to be a witch or rule a kingdom, beautiful enough to make men beg. Into all sorts of magic, but unaware of the magic that flows from her mouth.
  • Sagittarius: Is always laughing and never backs down from a challenge. Likes to hang out with the guys and always needs something new to do. Thinks she wants to be free, but really just wants someone to go home to.
  • Capricorn: Very strong and independent, but very guarded. Has lots of ambition but not always sure how to go for her goals. Filled with joy but needs to let it out more often.
  • Aquarius: Secretly cares about everyone around her, but her stone cold persona refuses to let it show. Often tries to give up on everything when she feels out of control, but is a lot wiser than she seems.
  • Pisces: Embraces every new person she meets with love, but this causes her to get hurt because she doesn't bother with walls. Will bring dessert and salad to a dinner, even if you told her she didn't have to bring anything.

1. i don’t know how to say this so i’m just going to say it - don’t text me anymore. don’t call me. don’t ask me how i am when you feel lonely. don’t check up on me. don’t tell me you’re doing well. i don’t want to hear it. i don’t want to hear it because you fucking broke me. GOODBYE.

2. hey, okay, sooo i thought i could be friends with you but it hurts too much. not that you hurt me that much. no, i’m okay. i don’t cry in the shower anymore. some nights i actually fall asleep before 4 a.m. but then there’s some nights where i think about you and her kissing and it’s all that’s on my mind for days. no, no, it’s not like that. it’s not that i love you anymore or that i’m jealous. i just hate you for what you did to me. so yeah, anyways, just thought you should know i don’t want to be friends. hope you’re doing well though. maybe our paths will cross again.

3. i told myself many, many months ago that if i wanted this to work, if i wanted us to be friends, i couldn’t talk to you about my feelings ever again. i couldn’t turn every conversation into our failed relationship. so for many, many months, i’ve been letting it eat at me instead. i don’t want it to eat at me anymore and you don’t want to listen to me whine so i think this has to end. sorry.

4. hey, listen: some days i’m fine, but the smallest things get to me. like i’m pretty sure i saw you on her snapchat story. it’s none of my business, but i’m really mad at you for it. i’m really mad that you still talk to that girl you chose over me and you still like all of these girls’ facebook photos but you never like mine. and it’s not fair for me to be mad at you for having friends or being happy, i have no right to be, you didn’t do anything wrong. but it still gets to me, still eats away at me, still makes me want to knock down your door and ask you why the fuck you had to leave, why you had to do anything you did, why i poured all of my love into you that i didn’t have any left for myself and you took it and gave it to somebody else. god, this hurts. i don’t want you to know how badly this hurts but it does. i’m leaving you and taking this hurt with me.

5. hey, hope you’re doing well, but this still feels like a nightmare i’ll never wake up from. and i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry, it’s not fair to you to have to listen to this shit because it’s been two whole years and i’m still not over it. and that’s my problem, not yours. it will never be your fault that i’m so goddamn sensitive. i’ve never been able to get over anything and i hate myself for it. please let me heal. please leave.

6. hey, remember the summer where i hooked up with the first guy who wasn’t you, when you had me blocked on everything and i couldn’t see what you were up to? well, i still read my posts from that summer and i was actually HAPPY. can you believe that? i was actually going about my life without you and i wasn’t thinking about what you did to me. but here i am again, thinking about it and the only thing that’s changed is that you speak to me. and i would love to be friends with you, i would, i’ve been trying so hard to be for months, but it’s making me so damn miserable. and i’m so jealous that she gets to be friends with you and i don’t. i’m sorry i’m not her. i’m sorry i never will be.

7. i’ve been ignoring your messages on purpose and you keep texting me again and it’s exhausting to have to ignore you all of the time and feel so guilty about it. i just don’t understand how you just don’t get the hint. so here’s a bigger one: LEAVE ME ALONE.

8. hey, okay, i know this is sudden but i don’t want to hear from you anymore. i don’t want to think about this anymore. i want to move on with my life and there’s no room for you in it. it was stupid of me to think that just because you’ve always been a good friend to me that we can be friends. we can’t.

9. hey. first off, i want to say i’m sorry, i just need to do what’s best for me. secondly, thank you for always being there when i needed you, but i don’t need you anymore. for now, it has to be just me. it feels like i’m breaking up with you and we’re not even dating, but this is it - this is goodbye. forever. don’t contact me.

10. all you ever did was hurt me. fuck you. i don’t want to see your stupid fucking name on my phone anymore. fucking get out. leave.

—  10 text messages i’m afraid to send because i don’t want to say goodbye to you, not again

anonymous asked:

Do you think that anti-Semitism and anti-zionism are synonymous? I didn't think so, but many have said that they are, which doesn't make sense since zionism is separate from the religion and ethnicity and culture (but maybe this is wrong because I'm reading non-Jewish people's viewpoints and it's a way for them to be antisemitic while being edgy)

While anti-zionism isn’t technically the same thing as antisemitism, the line between “Jews don’t have a right to a safe homeland” and “I hate Jews” is awfully precarious. Few can walk it with care and far fewer even bother to try. Anti-zionists are prone to treating accusations of antisemitism as more offensive than actual antisemitism.

Anti-zionists will often use the idea that anti-zionism isn’t anti-semitism to defend antisemitic actions. Just a few things I’ve seen defended as “just anti-zionist.”

- Spreading Rothschild Jewish Banking Conspiracies
- Accusing Holocaust Survivors of controlling the US Government
- Blaming Israel for 9/11
- Denying Jewish History 
- Denying Jewish genetics
- Derailing any conversation of antisemitism by injecting Israel/Palestine into the debate
- Spreading Khazar theories
- Policing how Jews talk about our own history and experiences
- Dictating to different groups of Jews how they should feel about other Jews
- Silencing Israeli Jews on college campuses even if they are there to criticize Israeli Policy
- Treating LGBTQIA Israeli Jews as if their very existence was the same thing as “pinkwashing” Hasbara
- Comparing Jews with Nazis
- Downplaying the severity of the Holocaust
- Acting like the Holocaust was the beginning and end of antisemitism
- Denying that Israeli Jews are Majority non-Ashkenazi and that they are there because of oppression and expulsion by MENA countries.
- Talking over said Jews about how they should feel about Israel
- Dismissing antisemitism against white and/or Ashkenazi Jews 
- Defending and promoting antisemitic figures in the “Pro-Palestine” movement like Holocaust Denier Paul Eisen and Blood Libelist Alison Weir
- Tokenizing Jews most other Jews find reprehensible like the Neturei Karta and Gilad Atzmon so they can prove they aren’t antisemitic
- Dividing Jews into “good Jews” and “bad Jews” based on our opinion on Zionism (which is probably far more nuanced and informed than theirs) and not caring about anything else we think or feel.
- Telling Jewish victims of antisemitism that they should blame Israel instead of the perpetrators
- Blaming Israel for ISIS/ISIL/Daesh
- Ignoring or denying the plights of Jewish refugees
- Ignoring Jewish voices when it comes to our own history and experience of antisemitism
- Cheering and/or justifying the deaths of Israeli civilians
- Boycotting Israel and only Israel despite countries like Russia, China, Pakistan, Turkey and others committing the same sins, frequently on much larger scales
- Demonizing Jews for being activists on anything other than Israel/Palestine
- Telling Jews what is and isn’t antisemitic
- Trying to excuse their own antisemitism by deflecting the question with the etymology of “semite” - Chaim’s Law
- Telling MENA Jews they have no right to their own cultures
- Telling Latinx Jews they have no right to their own culture
- Identity Policing Jews
- Acting like there’s no difference between Jewish refugees from murderous antisemitism and colonial conquerors who came to exploit the local population and resources for a foreign mother country


I could go on.

My point is there’s a reason most Jews I know, even anti-zionist Jews have a severe distrust of non-Jewish anti-zionists and much of it has to do with the points above and so many more. This goes triple for any anti-zionist who isn’t Palestinian. Unlike Palestinians, there’s a good chance their country expelled, oppressed or murdered their Jewish populations, necessitating Zionism in the first place. The fact of the matter is most Israeli Jews are survivors of genocide, oppression and expulsion who went to the one place in the world that would take them in. You can’t treat that last point as a hypothetical. They went to Israel because they wanted to live. They are frequently damned for making that choice by the very people who gave them no other choice. That’s just cruelty. It demonstrates a callous indifference to Jewish life and suffering, and if many Jews consider that to be antisemitic, do you really think you can blame them?

Anti-zionists need to change their tactics and their associations in a major and visible way if they want to avoid accusations of antisemitism from a majority of Jews. And that’s on them, not us. 

anonymous asked:

pleaseee could you write drabble, Emma saying to Killian "I didn't know you could sing"

unrelated to the upcoming musical ep, but here ya go. sorry it’s rather messy. drabble became ficlet.

~1.3k

Emma has never really lived with a guy before. Well, she supposes that she and Neal did kind of live together in the Bug all those years ago, but this is different.

This is sharing a home.

And with that comes a few adjustments. Neither of them have ever owned very many possessions aside from their full wardrobes, but now they have this big house and it’s being slowly but surely filled with… things. Stuff. Books and trinkets on their shelves, an array of colorful toiletries and pretty things in their bathrooms, an admittedly overly stocked cabinet of alcohol, blankets and pillows meant not just for function but also for decoration.

She’s a bit disorganized and messy. Killian is kind of a neat freak after having run his own ship for so long.

Keep reading

Amnesiac Lance (pt 2)

[part one]

oh boy this is gonna be really long and angsty, fair warning 

  • lance starts remembering things in dreams
  • the first time he has one of these dreams, it’s really just this vague image of his mother, and all he can recall from it when he wakes, sweaty and confused, is her kind, soft eyes. lance doesn’t really know how he gets there, but pidge finds him on the observation deck, shivering and half asleep against the control panel 
  • by the time morning wake-up time comes, the previous night is a blur

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

When do you think Bellamy started to develop feelings for Clarke and vise-versa? I'm re-watching the series and I am on season 1, I'm noticing things I didn't notice before, like Bellamy staring at Clarke for a little longer than necessary (for ex. 1x11). I just wanted to get your perspective on it, thanks Rosy!

Originally posted by iconicbellarke

I think Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke came on really slowly. It started with intrigue when she challenged him to go find Jasper. Respect when she killed Atom. I think his first inkling that he had romantic feelings for her was in Day Trip. He was attracted to her, and he felt an emotional pull, but it was a crush and he decided their partnership was too important and pulled away. I think he was a little jealous when he thought she went off with Finn, but again pushed it away. 

It wasn’t until they reunited in season 2, she ran into his arms, and then he sat and watched her sleeping by the first that he started to realize his feelings for her went deeper than just colleague or even friend, let alone the attraction that he tries to avoid. He knew she was IMPORTANT to him. Maybe the only other person besides Octavia that he needed. His protectiveness after that moment was certainly ramped up, but it was placed kind of in the “protetector” category. He makes himself her knight. The “I can’t lose you too” moment was a shock to him because it was more meaningful than protector, but it lead pretty quickly into “It’s worth the risk,” so he goes back to being the soldier and puts feelings for Clarke out of his mind. 

Until he pulls the lever for her (which he knew would destroy her) and she leaves him. I don’t think he knew what he felt for her at that moment other than heartbroken, but he moved on after three months. But he never forgot about her. He was obsessed with her while she was gone, and it did interfere in his relationship with Gina because he just wasn’t all present. When he got word of her, he would stop at nothing to find her. He knew he couldn’t lose her, but I don’t think he knew he was in love with her until the argument in Hakeldama when he connected his hurt at being abandoned with his need to keep her safe and their physical prroximity and he all of a sudden realized he was in love with her. I actually think that contributed to his moment of panic where he handcuffed her. Because he regressed to his need to keep his loved one under lock and key. After that moment, he changes in his behavior towards Clarke.

Originally posted by prettylitteteengirl

I think Clarke developed feelings for Bellamy differently. Both more slowly and more quickly. I think she thought he was attractive right away, and if Finn hadn’t pursued her might have gone in that direction, because she quickly got past his asshole persona. BUT I think that attraction was merely physical. Clarke has an easy sexuality. It could have been just a thing. She started to like him more as time went on, as a person, to respect him. To connect with him, like in Day Trip, and she definitely would have pursued something physical with him, whether it was wise or not, in Unity Days, but Bellamy, who had already decided it wasn’t wise, steered away from that. He saw it, but didn’t pursue it. They shifted their relationship to partnership. And then when she was in MW, I don’t think she realized that the reason she was fixated on getting out of the mountain was because of Finn and Bellamy– Bellamy linked with a canon romantic partner in her brain. And when she ran into his arms, I don’t think she thought at all about how or why her feelings were so strong for him. She knew she couldn’t lose him. She knew she had feelings of love for him, enough so that she looked at him as a chink in her armor and a weakness, and sent him into the mountain.

THAT’S when it started to hit her what all that meant. When she lost him again. Only this time she saw it as her fault and she was aware that her feelings for Bellamy were verging on romantic. From when she first heard his voice on the radio and she had hope again, to when she sacrificed TonDC to keep him alive, she began to realize that not only did she care for Bellamy as one of her people but as someone she was in love with. By the end of her time with Lxa, who picked Bellamy out as someone special to Clarke, a time that was almost entirely focused on Clarke’s faith in Bellamy, her need to keep him safe, his importance to EVERYTHING, we see a Clarke who, when confronted with a beautiful woman who wants her, says “I’m not ready for a relationship… with anyone.” She has recognized that she loves Bellamy– in fact the very next line is “he did it” as Bellamy’s flare goes up to signal that the acid fog is down– but she’s also recognized that she can’t go there. 

This is borne out the next time they meet. She’s been focused on his safety the entire time he was in there, but when he opens that door, she does not run into his arms in relief like in camp jaha, or hug him like she does Monty and Jasper, no. She stands apart and STARES. Because she is not ready for anything and hugging him would be more than she can handle. THEN he pulls the lever with her. And she can’t deal and leaves. Their parting is VERY significant. She kisses him but leaves him anyway, and spends the next three months thinking about how he wouldn’t let her do it alone. THAT is who she immediately called upon when she wanted him back, the man who was WITH her. But in Hakeldama, Bellamy rejects her, and drags up all her most hated flaws and does NOT forgive her. She thinks he hates her and she returns to Polis and turns to the beautiful woman who wants her. But she learns that she can’t run away from herself and returns to the Delinquents, with her traumas and her lessons, and works on regaining her relationship with Bellamy. She works on it quite hard. On being who she needs to be FOR HIM. 

So to clarify, Clarke realized she was in love with Bellamy when he was in the Mountain. And Bellamy realized he was in love with Clarke when she came back to try and get him to side with Lxa in Hakeldama. Which was an unfortunate moment for realization, because her goals and his put them on opposite sides of a war. Madness ensues. 

Originally posted by sarahkheathisapenguin

Also to clarify. They both love each other, but neither of them believes that the other loves them. Bellamy has rejected Clarke’s advances a couple of times, and now she’s betrayed him again, so she has no reason to believe he doesn’t hate her. And Bellamy has seen that Clarke loved someone else. Not him. Not to mention she’s with Niylah, so clearly he would think she didn’t feel the same way as him. So. They’re both wrong. But hey, everyone needs some obstacles and angst in a love story. And, oh yeah, an apocalypse.

Crowd silencing quotes from cartoons
  • Avatar the Last Airbender: "You might have everyone else here buying your ... transformation, but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past. So let me tell you something, right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently."
  • Over the Garden Wall: "At least wait until the storm dies down a bit. You'll be no good to your brother dead." "I was never any good to him alive, either."
  • Gravity Falls: "You really aren't gonna thank me, are you? Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don't want them in danger. 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left."
  • Adventure Time: "... if I do things... if I do things that hurt anyone, please, please forgive me! Just... watch over me until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again... please love me again, Betty!!"
  • Steven Universe: "What do you know about my Mom?! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM! But I do know, she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like this, and even in jerks like you!"
  • Legend of Korra: "Don't pretend you know what it felt like! The Avatar is adored by millions! I was cast aside by my own parents like I meant nothing to them. How could I just stand by and watch the same thing happen to my nation, when it needed someone to guide it?"
  • Lilo and Stitch: "But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves."
  • Rick and Morty: "That - out there - that's my grave. On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. So we bailed on that reality and we came to this one, because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed, and in this one, we were dead. So we came here and we buried ourselves and we took their place. And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast twenty yards away from my own rotting corpse. I'm a version of your brother you can trust when he says 'don't run'. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch T.V.?"
  • Courage the Cowardly Dog: "There's no such thing as 'perfect'. You're beautiful as you are, Courage. With all your imperfections, you can do anything."
What went down in Dislocoeur
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Ms. Bustier: in many fairy tales the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess, can anyone tell me why?
  • Rose: BECAUSE DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: that's not really an answer
  • Max: technically this only applies to 87% of fairy tales
  • Ms. Bustier: there's no way that number is correct
  • Ms. Bustier: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: yes Rose we got that
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: who are you even talking to
  • Ms. Bustier: are you saying that in the imperative
  • Rose: pls do the smoochy thing :( #ladynoir
  • Adrien: well I just wrote this poem time to toss it in the garbage with the rest of the fandom
  • Marinette: hmm I wonder what that hot guy threw in the trash
  • Marinette: ooh it's a poem!
  • Marinette: "roses are red, violets are violet, poetry is f**king hard, do the smoochy thing pls"
  • Chloé: hmm why is Marinette looking through the garbage
  • Sabrina: did you know there's an entire fandom in there?
  • Chloé: wow she must be really desperate
  • Max: kk Kim it's time for you to run along this route and meet your crush on a bridge
  • Kim: why is her route so convoluted
  • Max: idk but if you meet her on that particular bridge and give her this particular jewel you've got a 87% chance of success
  • Kim: there's no way that number is correct
  • Kim: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Marinette: I say go for it!
  • Kim: kk, running now
  • Alya: NO WAIT COME BACK
  • Alya: NEVER TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM MARINETTE
  • Marinette: now imma write a poem to Adrien
  • Chloé: and imma break the hearts of a buncha tweens
  • Chloé: hey tweens! you see how fabulous I am? well I'm never gonna date you
  • Chloé: do you see what you're missing out on
  • Chloé: well that was fun anyway I hope one of you gets akumatized now
  • Chloé: F**K ALL Y'ALL TO THE END OF THE WORLD AND BACK
  • Chloé: b**ch I'm out
  • Kim: *goes to bridge*
  • Kim: this is the Pont des Arts, right?
  • Kim: so where did all the locks go
  • Kim: it's just panes of plexiglass
  • Kim: this is way less romantic now
  • Chloé: hey Kim
  • Kim: hey Chloé lemme smash
  • Chloé: are you for real
  • Kim: I got you blue AND yellow
  • Chloé: you're as pathetic as that meme
  • Kim: she doesn't want blue and yellow
  • Chloé: look I've got a buncha tweens clamoring after me now
  • Chloé: so you're like fourth in line at best
  • Chloé: BYE
  • Kim: what has my life come to
  • Hawkmoth: wow this is even more sad than usual
  • Hawkmoth: like, I actually feel really sorry for you
  • Hawkmoth: so here have an incredibly cool transformation
  • Dislocoeur: now we're talkin
  • Dislocoeur: I've got a bow and arrows!
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Marinette: and now it's POETRY TIME
  • Alya: whaddaya got
  • Marinette: "roses are nerds, poems are easy, lemme smash pls bc I think you're hot"
  • Alya: wot
  • Marinette: wow romance really isn't all that great when you're honest about it
  • Alya: wow and here I didn't think you'd ever have enough experience with romance to figure that out
  • Marinette: ooh sweet burn
  • Marinette: btw that flying guy just shot you with an arrow
  • Alya: yeah that's where the sweet burn came from
  • Alya: and now I'm suddenly tempted to go confront Nino in a rap battle
  • Marinette: YES DO IT
  • Marinette: ok Tikki let's kick that flying guy's butt
  • Dislocoeur: hey it's Ladybug!
  • Marinette: no not yet
  • Dislocoeur: oops sorry
  • Marinette: Tikki, spots on!
  • Dislocoeur: there we go!
  • Ladybug: welp running away now
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Chat Noir: hey Ladybug I've got a confession to make
  • Ladybug: look I already know you love me ok?
  • Ladybug: please don't endanger us by confessing what's already incredibly obvious when there's a supervillain trying to shoot us
  • Dislocoeur: *shoots Chat Noir*
  • Ladybug: that one's on him
  • Dislocoeur: yeah kinda
  • Chat Noir: now imma kill you
  • Ladybug: why
  • Chat Noir: because hate always wins
  • Ladybug: citation needed
  • Chat Noir: citation: the US election
  • Ladybug: ok fair point
  • Chat Noir: you just accepted anecdotal evidence as proof of a general claim
  • Ladybug: oops you're right
  • Chat Noir: now prepare to die
  • Dislocoeur: *tracks down Chloé*
  • Chloé: wow and here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous
  • Dislocoeur: imma shoot you now
  • Chloé: and give me the ability to make even sweeter burns than usual?
  • Dislocoeur: wait nvm that's a terrible idea
  • Chloé: wow even as a villain you can't succeed in anything
  • Dislocoeur: hey Hawkmoth can you Tier 2 akumatize me?
  • Hawkmoth: sorry buddy you're on your own
  • Ladybug: I gotta figure out how to dehateify Chat Noir!
  • Brain ghost Ms. Bustier: the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess
  • Brain ghost Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ladybug: disclaimer—the following kiss is intended solely as a means of counteracting Dislocoeur's akuma-granted ability, and should not be interpreted in any romantic or otherwise non-platonic context
  • Ladybug and Chat Noir: *do the smoochy thing*
  • Rose: YES THIS IS PERFECT
  • Chat Noir: I don't remember any of that
  • Ladybug: good now end that f**ker
  • Chat Noir: *ends that f**ker*
  • Ladybug: well I guess we're done here
  • ROLL CREDITS

So I saw this perfectly delightful post, and my immediate response was “oh yes, of course Tali writes fanfic! She just doesn’t tell anyone because she’s afraid they’d never let her live it down.” (And as regards Garrus she’s probably right.)

Because obviously what Tali writes is schmoopy self-indulgent Shallicus, mostly for her own pleasure/comfort, and the prototypical Tali fic is 90% romantic fluff and 10% incredibly accurate and detailed descriptions of hacking. Shalei and Bellicus might spend most of the fic having a long romantic walk around the Presidium, but with amazing regularity they discover that they need to hack a terminal during said walk.

Tali is also that person who writes impassioned essays about how misrepresentation of quarian culture by the non-quarian parts of the fandom (which is most of it) is offensive, and that they either ought not write anything set on the Migrant Fleet for the fandom or at least ought to do a modicum of research. (She’s not wrong.) She does this all under the pseudonym Chatika63, because of course she does.

But my next thought was… you know who else I could see writing fanfic?

Legion.

We know Legion plays MMORPGs. And we know that they have an interest in attempting to understand how organics think (in part, in the hopes of convincing organics not to attempt to destroy them on sight). And what better way to get inside of someone’s head than to… well… get inside their head? Write from the perspective of an organic? Given how awful they were at the Fleet and Flotilla visual novel (”Hopeless”), they probably have some awareness that this understanding is not a strong point, and trying to work it out via fanfic is certainly less risk-prone than trying to work it out via interaction 

At first, Legion just downloads the 100 most popular fanfics for Galaxy of Fantasy and Fleet and Flotilla and analyzes them, breaking them down in terms of both general plot structure, scene structure, and even all the way down to sentence structure. Then they use that analysis to generate new fics, dump them on Space AO3 under a variety of pseudonyms (the sheer volume of Legion’s output would make posting under a single name look awfully suspicious–even the notably prolific salarian writers don’t write that fast), and wait.

(Space AO3 is a fascinating place. Some of the asari-written WIPs have been going on for centuries now, Support has to spend something like half its time mediating all the times when krogans write thinly-veiled bloodthirsty revenge-fic against anyone who posts critically about their stories, and the hanar fandom gift culture is… unique, to say the least. But that is another post for another time.)

Anyway. Those first attempts of Legion’s basically read like Mad Libs written by someone unclear on the concept, which, in effect, they are. But the thing about Legion is that even though they don’t have a great grasp of how shipping and etc. work (see above re: the Fleet and Flotilla visual novel), they are in fact not a mindless computer process but a highly intelligent AI. They learn.

In this case, they learn by analyzing feedback, hit counts, and upvotes. They break the stories down again, analyze what they discovered worked and what didn’t, and adjust, and post again.

Story quality actually takes a dip for a bit–it turns out that chasing popularity doesn’t necessarily translate to quality–but then begins to rise, slowly at first and then steadily. They learn what works and what doesn’t, what rings true to readers and what feels stilted or artificial. They store witty quips and bits of banter and felicitous turns of phrase between crewmates in long-term memory to slot into stories later. When they’re performing a task that doesn’t require the attention of all 1,183 programs, they let some of the idle processes spin out projections for how this or that scenario might be received, based on the current databank of information.

(In short, like all authors, they begin to eavesdrop, and to daydream, and to treat everything as grist for the mill.)

They rapidly become well-known, under several different pseudonyms (having ditched the early pseuds with their hideously awkward mix-and-match prose). Under the pseudonym VarrenRider13, they’re known for an epic romance set in the world of Galaxy of Fantasy, which is well-known for its sensitive portrayal of asari romance and its detailed worldbuilding. Under the pseudonym MorningWanderer, they’re known for a number of Shallicus fics for the Fleet and Flotilla fandom, including the fandom-famous “And Stars Danced” series and the underappreciated standalone “Breaking Bread.”

tl;dr: The One Where Tali’s Favorite Fleet and Flotilla Fic Writer Is Actually Legion.

(She never has a chance to find out before Legion’s death.)

So there are definitely more serious things but this is really important to me…anything helps I don’t even wanna have to make this but 10 yrs ago I made my mom adopt a cat and I named her hope because she gave me hope. Unfortunately when my mom moved us to Texas to continue her education we couldn’t keep her because we we’re moving in with her brother, so we gave her to my moms foster sister and we never knew what happened after that. This morning the ASPCA in Virginia called and said they found our cat she’s been living outside without care for probably 7 years the average life span for an outdoor cat is 2 to 3 years she is again continuing to give me hope. She’s obviously very old and very sick so I don’t know how long she’ll live but I just want her to live here with me in comfort loved and cared for. But in order for that to happen we have to fly her here and that’s like extra 200 we don’t have… I don’t expect to get the full amount but we could really use the help. I honestly don’t understand how she’s survived this long but I can’t help but feel like it’s a sign after all this time I can’t just let her die now that she’s found us and as her owner I feel responsible and guilty for the life she had to live. I know everyone is struggling so If you can help thank you from the bottom of my heart if you can’t I completely understand and thank you anyway. cash.me/$Veronicahill